The Neighborhood (2018) s05e08 Episode Script

1
I'm telling you, Dave, you are gonna
love this place, man.
Elmo's is crab cake heaven.
Well, not for the crabs.
Okay, what did we agree
about you saying things?
"Don't say things."
Elmo's is not just another restaurant,
it's a Pasadena institution.
Well, why haven't I heard of it?
Because we don't want
tourists to ruin it.
It's for locals only.
I'm finally a local.
Eh-eh
What the hell?
(DOGS BARKING)
Welcome to Doggy Howser's.
How can I help you today?
Yeah, you can tell me what
the hell happened to Elmo's.
Who's Elmo?
Elmo's made the best crab cakes in town,
and it was right here.
Oh, I'm sorry, I can't help you,
but sometimes old, sad places close
and become new fun things.
So this is a pet shop now?
It's a pet spa.
(CHUCKLES) A pet spa is not a thing.
Well, fur babies need pampering, too.
Our special this month
is a blueberry facial.
Good Lord.
Is that dog in a bathrobe?
He's just out of the cold plunge.
Ah.
That is adorable.
I can't believe it, man.
Elmo's is gone. Just like that.
Well, we've been here for two years.
Two years? Calvin, I thought you said
you were a regular at Elmo's.
Well, I was a regular,
but I wasn't a regular regular.
Lady, it's a dog. Let it walk.
Come on, Dave. We're out of here.
Would you like a blueberry?
- Ooh, love one.
- Don't you dare.
Welcome to the block,
welcome to the neighborhood ♪
It's not right. Elmo's was a beloved
neighborhood institution.
Yeah, but when was the last time
you actually ate there, Pop?
I shouldn't have to eat
crab cakes every day
to keep a place from closing.
I just hate that we're losing
all of our small businesses.
Ah, thanks, Mo. I'll see you tomorrow.
You see that, Dave?
You're part of the problem.
Ordering stuff online is killing
all the local businesses.
Hmm. You know what, you're right.
Oh, no, please.
You can't stop progress, Pop.
Like when you told me to stop growing
so you didn't have to buy me pants.
- Hey, guys.
- Hey, Malcolm.
I bought you some tube socks.
Mom, I'm a grown man,
I don't need you to
Wow, these are soft.
What is all this?
Oh, we went to Cost Warehouse
for a few things
and bought a few other things.
Oh, uh, maybe make two trips, sweetie.
See, we didn't used to have to drive
all the way across town to a store
the size of a football stadium
to buy stuff.
We used to get
everything we needed locally,
right here at
Mr. Friendly's Bargain Mart.
Oh, that place on Orange Grove
- with the cute little kitty.
- Mm-hmm.
Mr. Friendly's?
Yeah, Mr. Friendly's had character.
I used to take the boys there
when they were younger
for ice cream sundaes,
back to school clothes.
Marty would sit and read
the magazines for hours.
GROVER: Can someone please get the door?
You know, it's a shame
Wanda's Beauty Supply closed.
You know, my edges
haven't been the same since.
If we're not careful, Friendly's
is going to be the next one to go.
My fingers are numb!
You know what we should do
is get people to understand
that they can get anything they want
right here in this
neighborhood on Orange Grove.
Starting with Friendly's,
then the Tip-Top Pharmacy,
Cavanaugh's Sporting Goods,
even that dry cleaner's that's
only open from 12:00 to 2:00.
Let's do it. No more big box stores.
No more shopping online either.
Right, Gemma?
Oh, uh, uh, yeah. I'm in.
Less shopping online.
No No. No shopping online.
Absolutely. Unless it's much cheaper.
Or I'm really busy, or it's super cute,
or I'm too tired to drive.
No Gemma, I don't think
you know what's at stake here.
We are locals now.
ALL: Eh
Hey. Hey, y'all know that new
Mexican-Japanese rice ice cream chain?
Mucho Mochi? Your boy got some.
That's not local.
I was on a wait list for those.
Maybe it's not so bad.
Hey Oh, damn.
My eyes are burning.
What is that terrible smell?
Is it that awful?
You might have to leave
your couch outside for a week.
Is this why you texted me?
Yes. I need help.
I'm a disaster in the kitchen.
Okay, okay.
So, just walk me through what you did.
Well, I followed this recipe, and
it said put in four cloves of garlic.
Honey, that's a bulb.
This is a clove.
How do you know that?
How do you not know that?
(GROANS) Because I'm hopeless, okay?
And Marty, he loves your lasagna.
I just wanted to make
something special for him.
Okay, here's what we're going to do.
This week, I'm going to
teach you how to make lasagna.
Oh, I couldn't ask you to do that.
Oh, no, you don't have to ask.
You're family now.
But first, we need to
throw this thing out.
Not in the garbage.
- Mm-hmm.
- Put it in your trunk.
- Mm-hmm.
- Drive to Riverside.
And then drive with the trunk open.
All right.
(DOORBELL RINGS)
Oh.
- Hey-hey.
- Delivery. I need a signature.
Okay. I'm not expecting anything
That's okay. It's fine. Just sign.
Gemma, what's going on?
It's fine. It's for me.
But it came here.
I must have screwed up the addresses.
Thank you for your service.
Uh, Gemma, you accidentally
had a package sent to my house?
(LAUGHS) Crazy, right?
It's so embarrassing. What a goof.
It's like It's like when you're a kid
and you call the teacher "Mommy."
It's almost nothing like that.
(SIGHS) Okay,
I ordered some things online,
and I don't want Dave to know.
Oh, right, because
of the whole "buy local" thing.
Yes, but shipping is free
and it comes the next day.
I'm so ashamed.
- Can it be our secret?
- Oh, Gemma, I don't know
It's no big deal. Everybody does it.
I feel so dirty. It's not you, it's me.
Who said it was me?
Oh, this place is charming.
Oh, look, they have
an old-fashioned soda fountain.
(CHUCKLES)
This place hasn't changed a bit.
Oh, good Lord, is that
the cute orange cat?
Can I pet you, little kitty?
(CAT HISSES) Oh!
(CHUCKLES) No, I can't.
Oh, hello, sir.
Uh, I don't know if you remember me,
but I'm Calvin Butler.
I don't take any bills bigger than a 20.
You see that? So down-to-earth.
And none of that Apple Pay garbage.
The kids think because
they point their phone
at my register, I get my money.
(BLOWS RASPBERRY)
Trust me, I agree with you.
No, but we are here to put these signs
in people's windows to encourage
customers to shop local.
There's no room.
Well, maybe we can take down
that Billy Dee Williams
Colt 45 poster from 1989.
Excuse me, sir,
do you have any shallots?
Use an onion. Same thing.
Do you have any onions?
No.
Sir, it's gonna be great.
We are encouraging people to shop local
to support local businesses
like yourself.
I mean, we've got petitions,
we're doing social media.
It's going to be fantastic.
Okay, how much is this gonna cost me?
It's free.
Go crazy.
Is that hair?
Ew, yup. That is a bag of human hair.
So I take it that's
the hair-slash-pastry section?
See there? (CHUCKLES)
You can get everything here.
Baby, I can't find anything on my list.
Well, I found everything on mine.
Got orange juice, paper plates,
even found a pack
of batteries, size "B."
I've never heard of "B" batteries.
And you call yourself a scientist.
Baby, this orange juice is $11.99.
(CLEARS THROAT)
And a price I am happy to pay
because the money
stays in the community.
Mm-hmm.
I live in Tarzana.
Hey, Calvin, uh, are we sure this place
should be at the top of our "save" list?
Or, I don't know, even on it?
Yes, Dave.
This guy is a small
business owner like myself.
If we don't support him, how do I expect
people to support me?
Hey, I remember you.
You're little Marty Butler.
Oh, yes I am.
Yeah, you used to look at
the ladies in the Cosmo.
(NERVOUS LAUGH)
Well, I-I-I don't I don't
I don't think that was me.
Yeah, I know it was you,
you little freak.
What part of "banned for life"
don't you understand?
Really, Marty? Cosmo?
If you would've just
looked in the shoebox
in the back of my closet,
you would've found a gold mine.
(KNOCK ON DOOR)
Are we alone?
Yes, we are alone.
I assume you're here for your box.
Thank you, Malcolm.
I know this isn't right.
I cannot believe I have to say this,
but, Gemma, we have got to
stop meeting like this.
Don't you think I know that?
This isn't us. This isn't who we are.
What you mean "we"? You promised Dave
I know what I promised Dave.
But I have needs.
Ooh, good, a Waterpik.
Doing all this for a Waterpik?
It was 30% off, and gum
disease runs in my family.
I've got to get home
before Dave notices I'm gone.
You know, you could
at least stay for coffee!
Hi, I'm Calvin Butler
of Calvin's Pit Stop,
and I'm here at Friendly's
Market, keeping it local,
just one of the businesses
we need to rally behind.
And this ice cream is delish.
Hey. Hey, no unaccompanied minors. Out.
Oh, Mr. Friendly, he's with us.
Cut, Grover.
Yeah, Mr. Friendly, Grover is
making a video about your store,
that he is going to blast off
to his hundreds of followers.
58,000.
I'm still not capable
of processing that.
Look, we got it, okay?
Go ahead, Grover. Roll it.
Here we go.
Do you remember the days
of the corner store?
Well, Friendly Markets does.
Look at this Christmas-themed menorah.
Yes, and these: 100 live lady bugs.
They're sleeping.
GROVER: Hey, kitty.
Look, he's lounging
where they keep the meat.
CALVIN: Whoa, whoa, whoa.
Grover, don't-don't film that.
Shoo, kitty. Get out. Go on. Go on, now.
This place has history and charm,
and if we don't support it,
we'll just end up
with another Chipotle
or Mucho Mochi on this corner.
So come on down and support
all the local businesses
right here on Orange Grove.
Right, Mr. Friendly?
Wha
I don't want any trouble.
Okay, so your noodles are on,
and you are ready
to start making lasagna,
the layer cake of pasta.
Mmm. All right.
Let's start with the mozzarella.
How much?
Not too much, but enough.
Uh-huh. Now let's add some Parmesan.
How much?
Mmm, just enough.
Ah, yes.
Okay, now add a little nutmeg.
Eh, a little more.
Eh, just a little more, you know.
You don't have to be scared of it.
But don't overdo it!
Don't overdo it.
Okay, here, let me show you.
See? Boop, boop.
You don't use a cookbook?
Nope, it's all up in here.
Okay, now, let's add a plop of
(ITALIAN ACCENT): ricotta.
- How much is a plop?
- Two dollops.
- Let me show you. Just
- Okay.
(TIMER DINGS) Oh,
looks like our pasta is ready.
All right. Okay.
Excuse me, excuse me.
Very hot, very hot.
Coming through, coming through. Okay.
Oh, whoa. Look at that texture.
Uh-huh. Uh-huh. You see that?
Oh, wait a minute, I need an egg.
Okay, let me get an egg, please.
I've got an egg right here.
Okay, now all we
Meat sauce looks like
it's almost ready. Okay.
All we need to do is add oil to the pan,
and we are cooking.
Yes, we are.
Oh, gosh, thank you so much.
Mmm, mmm, mmm.
You guys should've seen it.
The Friendly Market was thriving.
Oh, that's great.
Yeah, my man Grover
posted the videos he made,
and they are blowing up.
Oh, yeah. You know the old orange cat?
People are going crazy for the
one of him sleeping in the deli case.
They're calling him "Cold Cut Cat."
(LAUGHS)
GROVER: It's huge.
I've almost got as many likes
as the least popular guy in BTS.
Hipsters were lined up
to take a selfie with the cat.
One of them got Mr. Friendly to smile,
and he was not happy about it.
Dinner is served.
(ALL EXCLAIMING HAPPILY)
GEMMA: Oh, this smells good.
Yes, my beautiful, talented fiancée
has made her first lasagna.
And she did it all by herself.
- Mmm.
- Mmm.
Um, this is incredible, Necie.
- Mm-hmm.
- Oh, thanks.
This is amazing.
I mean, this tastes
just like my mama makes.
Mama, you the champ, but
Necie could give you some tips, girl.
(LAUGHS)
No, I can't. I didn't make it.
Miss Tina made it. I didn't do anything.
No, no, no. You preheated the oven.
That's the most important 20 minutes.
Marty, I can't cook.
I made a lasagna,
I had to drive it to the dump.
No, no, no, no. It's okay, babe.
You know my two favorite things
are you and takeout.
(DOORBELL RINGS)
Oh, of course.
- Malcolm?
- Huh?
Are you ordering stuff online?
Uh, apparently.
Uh, yes, yes. I ordered this.
I broke the pledge.
I was weak, but now, Father,
I have learned my lesson,
so I'd rather
forget about it and move on.
Mm-hmm, mm-hmm.
Wow.
You broke the pledge.
It be your own people.
We all make mistakes. Let's move on.
My salad's getting cold.
(NERVOUS CHUCKLE)
Well, hold on, honey. What's going on?
Malcolm got a box.
Let's not make a federal case of it.
Okay, well, Malcolm
why don't you open it?
Uh, I would rather not, Dave.
I said open it.
Yeah, what is it?
- Uh
- That's a good question, Calvin.
Malcolm, what is it?
- Leave him alone!
- Uh, it is
It is obviously a
gold mini rock roller thing, Dave.
Ha.
- Huh. Use it.
- Huh?
Well, Malcolm, you ordered it.
Use it.
I knew it!
Look, will you just tell him, Gemma?
I ordered it, okay?
It's a jade facial roller.
It reduces fine lines and puffiness.
I never meant to hurt you.
My wife and my best friend's son.
I can't believe you'd do me like this.
Wait a minute. I'm the victim here.
I'm the one who got used.
Look, Pop, back me up on this.
Shame on you, Malcolm.
Shame, shame, shame.
Mr. Friendly, what's going on?
Where are the crowds?
We're closed. Permanently.
What? What happened?
The place was mobbed.
Thousands of people
must have seen that cat video.
Heh. Well, so did the health department.
All of a sudden, you can't let
your cat sleep in the deli case?
Well, uh you could never do that.
No, but you can give a dog
a blueberry facial.
What kind of world is this?
We're sorry, Mr. Friendly.
We were just trying to help.
Well, you did.
Some young women
from the west side came over
after they saw the video, and
they want to lease the place.
They're turning it into
something called Mucho Mochi.
Damn it.
Another neighborhood classic, just gone.
I can't believe you're not upset.
Why would I be? I own the building.
I just ran the store
'cause I'm a people person.
BOTH: Eh
Well, since we're closed,
help yourself to whatever you want.
Hey, take some salami.
Nah.
I don't want to wake up the cat.
Hurry up, Calvin. We're hungry.
Okay, babe, where we going?
Akbar's Lobster Pot.
Akbar is so grateful to you
for supporting his restaurant
with your campaign,
he is comping dinner.
Well, all right.
Comped is how I like my lobster.
Ooh, and this afternoon,
I bought some yarn at Donna's Yarn Barn.
Wrong color, overpriced,
but fighting the good fight.
You know, I've never
been prouder of you.
Really?
Master's degree? Childbirth?
Okay. All right, all right, let's go.
All right. Oh, let me
just lock up real quick.
Okay.
Excuse me, are you Calvin Butler?
Oh, I'm sorry, sir. We're closing up.
Jake Walker. Thaxton Capital Partners.
We'd like to make you an offer
to buy out your property.
What? Sorry, but, uh, it's not for sale.
It's a very generous offer.
I don't care how generous it is.
Like I said, I'm not interested.
Now if you'll excuse me,
I have a date with a free lobster.
Why don't you look at the offer?
You could be eating lobster every day
for the rest of your life.
I don't like lobster that much.
If you change your mind,
the offer's in there.
Good meeting you, Mr. Butler.
(CHUCKLES)
Good luck with the next sucker, sucker.
Come on, Calvin. I'm starving.
Those lobsters aren't going to
drip butter on themselves.
What's that?
(SCOFFS) Nothing.
Come on, girl.
I'm gonna drip some butter
on your lobster tail.