Weird Science s05e08 Episode Script

Since the dawn of creation it is the male of the species who asserts himself as protector of the clan.
He stands ready to face the imminent onslaught of his oncoming rivals.
His nostrils flare.
He fires.
Victory! The clan lives to see another sunrise.
There you go, sweetie.
You're up, ace.
You're going down, clown.
Do over! Do over.
It slipped.
Hit the showers.
My turn.
If it's any consolation you did better than I expected.
It's-it's not my fault.
It's not my fault.
Then whose fault is it? I blame Dad.
LISA: You blame your dad? Explain to me how he's responsible for you being a spaz? It's a father's job to teach his kid stuff.
But did my dad ever teach me to throw a baseball? No.
He was too busy being a corporate bigwig.
- I mean, just look at him.
- Fax me the contracts.
I'll get back to you in a minute.
Hold on, I'm getting another call.
You know, Wyatt's got something there.
Why should we be blamed for our own shortcomings? I blame my dad, too.
He's a cold, distant, self-centered man.
- Just look at him.
- ( Whinnying ) So he taught me to ride his back.
How does that help me get girls? - It doesn't, that's how.
- What's the problem? Just go play catch with your dads.
It's too late now.
It should have happened when we were kids.
- I could zap you into jocks.
- Your magic always wears off.
- We need something more reliable.
- No offense taken.
Oh, wait! I got a great idea.
Okay, now stay with me on this.
What if we went back in time to when we were kids.
- I can do that.
- But you zap us into our dad's bodies.
Then Gary and I as our dads teach us our younger selves how to throw a baseball.
Got it? Yeah, like in Quantum Leap.
Sounds like sloppy wishing to me but whatever.
It worked.
I'm in my dad's body.
Oh, boy.
Wyatt, am I wearing a dress? Yes.
Wyatt, am I wearing pumps? - Yes.
- Wyatt, what's wrong with this picture? The pumps don't match the belt? You're a riot, Alice.
Hey, guys Gary, why are you wearing a dress? 'Cause I'm my mom.
Oops.
Did I do that? - I did that, didn't I? - Let me fix it.
No, no, magic.
I'm just grateful I'm still human.
This is ridiculous.
Let me crank up my zapper.
- I'll give it another shot.
- No, no, then you might really screw things up.
Look, I'm my dad and Gary's his mom.
Close enough.
Let's go find little Gary and little Wyatt.
Some thanks.
I did transport you back in time and put you in your parent's bodies.
That's pretty impressive, if you ask me.
Sloppy wishers.
Okay, now go like this.
Great.
Now go show your mom.
( Cackling ) Hey, Dad.
Mrs.
Wallace.
Can I have a couple of friends over? I promise I won't touch your stereo.
Uh, sure.
Oh, and uh Get a haircut clean your room and clean your brother's room.
- Clean Wyatt's room? - Yeah, and uh While you're at it start referring to your brother as Mr.
Wyatt the greatest little brother in the whole world.
Huh? - Say it.
- Uh, Mr.
Wyatt the greatest little brother in the whole world.
- Hi, Chett.
- Hey, Sis.
I mean, Mr.
Wyatt, the greatest little brother in the whole world.
Gary: Hey, I forgot what a little porker you were.
I wasn't fat.
I was husky.
Are you kidding? For crying out loud look at you.
You were a planet with feet.
Oh, yeah? I had a slow metabolism.
You would have eaten your feet if you could have reached them.
I'll kill you! You want a piece of the action, huh? - Huh, fat boy? - I got your fat boy right here.
Uh, honey? Uh Thanks, Emily.
Hey, Al, that is quite the little back-cracker you married there.
I am so loose.
Dad, can we go? I got to tink.
Geez, Gary, again? You just went.
All right, let's go.
Emily, you coming? Uh, yes, dear.
- Butterball.
- Puddles.
Okay, Wyatt, I'm going to teach you how to throw a ball.
It may not seem like a big deal now but trust me, it's your ticket to meeting babes.
I don't want babes.
I want a nutty-buddy.
We're going to play catch.
It's as simple as that.
So take the mitt off your head and catch the stupid ball.
Come on, Gary.
What do you say to going outside with your mom and playing some catch? No.
Come on, just you and me chucking the ball around.
No.
Al.
Talk to your son.
Get him out of the house away from the TV.
Play some catch with him.
You know, that's a great idea.
Turn off the TV for a change.
It's time for a little father-son bonding.
Get out in the fresh air, hitting the old horsehide.
- What do you say, son? - No.
Okey-doke.
Hey.
- Is that Miami Vice? - Yep.
Gary, this is a complete disaster.
I forgot I can't throw.
- How's it going there? - Not good.
I forgot what a waste-case I was.
My hobbies were TV and peeing.
You can't survive without magic for ten minutes.
Well, it sure looks like you need magic now.
Maybe if you beg.
I'm talking about serious down-on-your-knees begging.
I might consider Why don't we sign the boys up for little league? - Great idea.
- Pick me up.
Hey, I wasn't done taunting.
What are they up to? Come on, boy, we're going for a ride.
No.
There should be a little league sign-up sheet by the rec office.
Okay, let's hurry.
This bra's like a medieval torture device.
I can't believe what women endure to contort their bodies into pleasing shapes for the unwelcome gaze of men.
Guys are staring? I still turn heads.
If the bra hurts so much, just take it off.
You've obviously never taken off a bra.
It's not that easy.
I'll need your help.
You know, I used to dream about the first time a woman would ask me to take off her bra.
Somehow I imagined the moment a little differently.
Wyatt, get in here and take this bad boy off of me.
They got to be around here someplace.
I can't hold it anymore, Dad.
I got to tink.
Oh, all right.
Here, go in here.
EMILY: You've got to twist real hard.
WAYNE: Hike your dress up on your head.
- EMILY: That's it.
- WAYNE: You got it.
( Contented sigh ) That feels good.
At last.
You're a natural, my friend.
My first bra.
Hi.
Al? - Emily? - It's not what you think.
I can explain.
No, I can't-- But Wayne can, I hope.
Tell him, Wayne.
Uh, well Al, basically, um In a nutshell I was helping Emily remove her her bra here in the porta potti because when we were strolling by recently she, uh - Okay, I'm going to back up here.
- There was a bee in my bra.
That's right.
That's right.
And she needed to get out of this thing fast.
Believe me, that she was riled.
So with no concern for my own personal safety I jumped in there and ripped off her bra Here you go.
Enough with the lies.
This is hanky-panky plain and simple.
You can keep the bra and the woman that goes in it.
Did you zip up? Perfect-- right now my dad's listening to country music in some dive telling Roy the bartender how I done him wrong.
It's not like I'm all kicked up about being the "other man.
" Try being the "other woman.
" And what do we say when he does show up? Are we sticking with the "bee in the bra" story? We have to.
I think I know a way to sell it.
We show him your bee sting.
What bee sting? Okay, when I hit the hive, they're going to be mad.
Ready? Is a man ever truly ready to put a bee in his bra? Do it for your folks, Gar.
Do it for your folks.
- Let her fly.
- Yeah, right.
( Glass breaking ) I detect a slight flaw in our brilliant plan.
So, word is you guys need a bee.
Meet my friend.
His name is Buzzy, he's a drone and someday he hopes to meet the queen.
Be gentle, Buzzy.
Oh, it's not that easy.
You mocked my magic, so now you must pay.
First you have to wear the bad hairdos of forgiveness for one week and eat this clump of dirt.
Fine.
Do it your way.
Okay, okay The honey attracts the bees they sting your boob.
Bada-bing-- hard evidence in a soft place.
And we don't have to eat dirt.
Now undo your blouse.
Ooh! It's cold.
Whoo Oh, it's cold Good lord! Kids, upstairs now.
Uh, M-Mom Marcia - Didn't hear you come in.
- Naturally.
You seem to have had your hands full.
Uh There is a funny explanation for this.
- I got a bee sting.
- Sh-she's allergic.
Wayne was applying lifesaving aloe vera to the sting.
- That's honey.
- Right honey makes the pain go away.
Well, then dip me in honey because I hurt all over! ( Sobbing ) Oh, boy.
( Crying ) ( Crying ) ( Screams ) ( Screaming continues ) Yeah, your radiator's cracked.
Don't worry, I'll give you a free tow.
- I know the owner.
- ( Crying ): Thanks, Al.
- Ah, don't cry.
- ( Whimpering ) Wayne doesn't know what he's got.
Heck, you're the prettiest gal on the block.
- Everybody say so.
- Everybody? Emily doesn't know what she's got, Al.
Well uh Let's hook her up and, uh, move out, okay? Say, Al can I buy you dinner? LISA: Ah, yes, the bad hairdos for forgiveness.
All right, then, you've earned a little magic.
Here.
Bad idea.
When my dad drinks, he's all hands.
It's gullible juice.
One sip and they'll believe anything you tell them.
Even that ridiculous bee story.
Better make it a double.
( Rock music playing ) What's going on? Oh, shoot.
I forgot I told Chett he could have a couple of friends over.
Look, we've got to find my mom.
- Let's split up, okay? - Right.
Uh-oh, busted.
Dad I can explain this.
I invited a couple friends over.
Things got a little out of hand And I have no idea how the hole in the bathroom wall got there.
I don't care about the party.
Where's your mother? You really don't care about the party? No.
- Could I have a jeep? - Yeah, yeah, sure.
Oh, by the way, really cool hair if you're some kind of freak.
Great party, huh? Um your slip is showing.
Is that what that is? - I got to tink.
- You just went.
- I want a moonpie.
- No peeing.
No eating.
We're going to learn how to throw a baseball.
You stink.
I can't find my mom anywhere.
We're both dead.
Where's the gullible juice? Uh oh, I know exactly where I left it.
Don't go anywhere.
Oh thanks, Al.
You know, that jolly meal did cheer me up a bit.
Yeah, it always picks me up.
Trouble is, they're for kids.
I got to eat, like, eight of them.
( Laughs ) Want to come in for coffee? You got instant? ( Giggling ) Uh Marcia, Al! What are you doing here? I can't believe this.
Our marriage is falling apart and you two are having a party? Dad! Um, I mean Sweetums.
Don't "sweetums" me.
I swear we can clear everything up After you two have a drink.
Care for a snort? - It's empty.
- It's empty? Throwing a ball can be fun.
Watch.
Oops.
( Yelling ) Ahh! - Bees! - Bees! It was the biggest bee I ever saw! No more bees, bras or bullpucky.
This was no ordinary bee.
This was one of those killer bees that came across the border from - Canada.
They're - Snow bees! And they migrate South looking for warm weather.
That's why it flew into my bra.
It was seeking the warmth of my bosom.
- Give me a break.
- It's true.
I've heard of killer snow bees.
Uh, yeah, they crossed the border from Canada.
And they fly into bras to stay warm.
Gullible juice? GARY: They spiked the punch.
I don't know what is in that punch but you've all clearly - had too much of it.
- Maybe it's not so improbable.
If these kids have all heard of snow bees then their story must be true.
Twenty teenagers can't be wrong Ten or twelve, maybe-- but twenty! Whoo-hoo! Hey, sorry I ever doubted you, em.
Give me a squeeze.
Bees! Marcia, Marcia, don't go! I would never do anything to hurt you-- never! I want to believe you, but your story's preposterous.
The idea of killer snow bees migrating down from Canada for the express purpose of flying into women's bras to seek warmth? I-it's bullpucky.
- I'm sorry.
- Goodbye.
Bees! Bees! Snow bees! Oh, it's in my bra! It's in my bra! Oh! Oh Oh! Oh, I'm stung! I'm stung! Oh! Ow! Oh, oh Oh oh Say you know, that does make it feel a lot better.
- Thanks, Al.
- Oh, it's just instinct.
You know, when I saw that snow bee going for your bra I knew I had to get my hands in there fast.
Ahem.
I think a couple of apologies are in order.
- Don't push it.
- No, Emily's right.
I do owe you both an apology.
I didn't trust you, Wayne.
I'm sorry-- I should have.
But now I'm willing to believe anything you have to tell me.
You can start with the hair.
Well, we never did learn how to throw a baseball.
Yeah, but we saved our parents' marriages.
And without any magical help from Lisa.
We're good.
So good.
Good going, Buzzy.
I owe you one.
Okay, okay, I'll introduce you.
Her name is Elizabeth but she likes to be called "Queenie.
" Captioned by Grant Brown