Xena: Warrior Princess s05e08 Episode Script

Get it all, boys! It's not every day you penetrate Aphrodite's sanctum! Now, this is what I call a treasure chest! Who says crime doesn't pay, boys? We do.
Come on.
Come on.
Down, boy.
Come on.
Well, now I do believe that's Tharon's brand, huh? Well, you give him a little message from Xena.
You tell him to stop looting or I'll finish off what I started.
She got me right in the jewels! Who's Tharon? Someone I thought was dead.
Couldn't happen to a better guy.
Imagine sending thugs to rob my sacred tribute.
A diamond necklace doesn't qualify as a religious icon, Aphrodite.
Don't tell me you're giving gifts to the poor Oh, as if they could accessorize with this? No, I'm doing something much more lucra I mean, useful.
Come, see.
What's going on here? Kindness, charity, compassion Not to mention a 20% increase in my offerings since I let these poor unfortunates crash here while the sisters try and heal them.
I can't believe it.
Aphrodite succoring the ill I am not! These people give me things because they're grateful.
Who's this? That's Daphne.
Pretty, isn't she? She's been like that since she got here.
The sisters don't have very much hope.
They say there's nothing they can do.
She's lost her will to live.
Where are her parents? They say her mother's dead but her father comes by every morning on his way to work at the docks.
He should be here.
Kid, if I could trade places with ya, give you a second chance, I'd do it in a heartbeat.
Ok, I'll do it.
Xena! Hey What did you do? I can switch Daphne's life force with Xena's.
Who knows Maybe it'll give her the strength she needs to get better.
What about her baby? It'll be fine.
It just stays in Xena's body and gets plenty of rest.
-Xena -Where am I? Who are you? Where's my mommy? It's ok.
Daphne, it's ok.
We're your friends.
Who are you calling Daphne? Gabrielle, it's me.
Xena? Who else? Take a look.
In the time of ancient gods, warlords and kings a land in turmoil cried out for a hero.
She was Xena.
A mighty princess forged in the heat of battle.
The power The passion The danger Her courage will change the world.
XENA, THE WARRIOR PRINCESS What happened? Aphrodite? What happened? It's a good question.
Guess I didn't complete the switch.
-I'm scared.
-You're scared.
Daphne I'm Gabrielle.
This is This is the goddess Aphrodite.
I think she's put Xena into your body but it's only temporary, because she's going to switch it back.
-Right? -Right! Just as soon as I figure out how.
Daphne -You're awake.
-Yes, Father.
Where is Mother? She's Well, come on now.
Let's get you home.
We'll talk there.
Wait.
I have I have a friend in your daughter.
Don't worry, Gabrielle.
I'll be fine.
You just take care of things here until you work out what's wrong.
Ok Daphne.
Come on, girl.
Let's go.
Coming, Father.
Boy, talk about failure to communicate Says the god who can't pull off a simple body switch? Relax! I'll figure it out! I just need to think.
That's what I'm afraid of.
Xena here? She said if you keep looting she'll finish what she started.
Well, let her try.
I'm a lot tougher than when we first tangled.
-And a lot smarter too.
-You gonna take her? -Like candy from a baby.
-Yes.
I've waited ten years for the chance to do unto Xena what she did to me.
Now you take your men and scour the town.
A woman like Xena won't be hard to find.
Now go! Mom? Where is she? You said you'd tell me when we got home.
I know.
It's just Mom? Mom? Where are you? Daphne Your mother She's dead.
No, no.
She can't be.
Daphne, stop it.
Come on, settle down now.
You hear? Stop it! What about this one? Hensbane.
A medicinal herb used to separate man's mind from his powers.
No hensbane.
Besides, we don't want to separate minds.
We need to separate two souls from one body.
-Uh, makeover tips! -Aphrodite, we don't have all day! Right.
Tell me about it.
If we don't get Xena out of Daphne's body by sundown she's trapped there forever.
Plus which I would miss the big rave at the Gemini Club.
Word is, Castor and Pollux themselves are gonna show up.
-And I hear the band -What did you say? The part about Xena being trapped forever? No, about Castor and Pollux.
They're Zeus' twins, right? Two souls, trapped in one body.
Bingo.
The original two-for-one boys.
-I call 'em double trouble.
-Spare me the details.
Didn't one of them create an oil? An oil that can separate them in times of battle? That would be Castor.
Keeps it in a little pouch around his belt just in case of emergencies.
Ok, we better find a safe place to hide Xena's body.
Give me a hand.
And risk a law suit if I drop her? I don't think so.
Why don't I just like zap her with a? Haven't you done enough? Look at her.
Promise me that you will not use your magic any more today.
Thank you.
I forgot you were there.
No wonder.
You've had a lot to deal with, huh? -Yeah My mother.
-Daphne, I know.
I'm sorry.
I know you must have loved her very much.
I did.
And now she's gone.
I don't even know how it happened.
You will.
Listen, it's gonna take your dad a little while to find the words -but he's gonna tell you.
-No, he won't.
You were there on the ride home.
You saw.
We never talk.
We never have.
Then maybe now is the time to start for both of you.
Careful, careful.
Easy, easy.
Uh, watch the head! Thanks, I couldn't have done it without you.
Can you help me get her up here? Please? Hurry up.
Back off! I'm carrying for two here! -I'll just wrap around.
-Don't bother! We'll take her as is.
If you goons think you're taking her anywhere then you're dumber than you look.
No news there.
I mean, how smart is it to take a soulless body, anyway? Smarter than babbling about it.
Soulless? What does that mean? Gods They're so mysterious Oh, yeah? Well, figure this one out! -Testy, too.
-Enough charades! We want Xena! Then you're gonna have to come through me to get her.
Not a problem.
Wait! I wish you could have seen that one.
You go, cowgirl! Thank you for your help again.
Oh, well, these are new nails.
You think you can stay around long enough to go to the Gemini Club? Does Medusa have bad hair days? I am so there! Aphrodite I know I said "no magic" but can you seal this cave? I don't want Tharon's men coming back for Xena.
So now that you need it, it's ok to use my powers.
Aren't you afraid I'm gonna screw it up.
I'm willing to take that risk.
All right.
Let's go.
I'm gonna seal this place up as tight as a drum.
I'll be back for you.
Give me a bunch of greens and a couple of small turnips.
Daphne, over here.
Go talk to your father.
Go on.
Now's as good a time as ever.
I can't.
-I don't know what to say.
-About what? Nothing.
Flowers! Fresh flowers here! Daisies and roses! Very pretty, aren't they? They were my mother's favorite.
She always said "A rose is the crown of your garden" "but a daisy is its heart.
" -You talking to yourself? -Sort 'a.
Go on, Daphne, say something to him.
-I can't.
-Can't what? I can't believe you know that.
About the daisies, I mean.
They were mother's favorite.
Well, come on now.
We can't eat flowers.
Whoa, boy! Whoa! Get out of the way! Slow down! Come, boy.
Thanks.
Daphne! Daphne! -You all right? -Yeah.
I'm ok.
Come on, let's go.
Excuse me.
Pardon me.
Hey! Where do you think you're going? Inside? Honestly, help, these days.
-Names? -We're not on your list.
-We need -Clearly you don't know who I am.
-Hi.
-I know who you're not.
-And that's twins.
-Hi.
Theme party.
I don't see double? You don't get in.
Oh, you're gonna see double, all right? I have a plan.
Are you insane? I'm tellin' you, boss.
It was her.
Xena in the body of a child.
It all fits.
What that goddess said about the soulless body The way that little girl stopped those horses And that war cry It's Xena, all right? Well, there's only one way to find out.
Get the girl.
Go.
Daphne Go away.
Try again.
Daphne, he's your father.
-So? -What? Nothing.
There is something about Mother.
How did she die? -It's no concern for a child.
-But I have to know what happened.
-She was my mother.
-And my wife, so leave it be.
It's enough she's gone.
Do you have to keep reminding me? Check them out! Hello, darlings! Haven't seen you girls here before.
We're new in town.
I'm Bruna.
-She's -Hilda.
You're twins? Identical.
So how come you're taller than she is? This simple.
I got the looks und mine sister got muscles.
This good.
We wrestle in oil.
-You have such things, ja? -Oh, yeah.
Ja.
Just step inside.
And save me a match, will ya? Mommy, why did you leave me? Please, I need you.
I want to be with you.
Trust me, little girl.
That can be arranged.
I don't understand.
Who are you? Nice try, Xena.
You sure picked one helluva place to hide.
Xena It's all right, Daphne.
I'm here.
I need you to relax.
Give me total control of your body.
Ok.
An old friend of yours wants to say hello.
If you're talking about Tharon you can tell him I'm as interested in what he has to say as I am in darning socks.
You can tell him personally when you're kneelin' at his feet.
Turn around now and save yourself the humiliation.
For some reason, you don't scare me, kid.
Really? Maybe this'll help.
Next time, pick on someone your own size.
Take her down! Yeah! Ride her like a Hydra! Thataway! God! That's gotta hurt! There they are.
Come on.
Oh, yeah.
That's it.
-It's hanging below his belt.
-Yeah, I noticed.
The oil, Aphrodite.
Right.
I knew that.
If you're lookin' to double your pleasure, you've come to the right place.
-He's Pollux.
-He's Castor.
And I am Bruna.
And this is my sister, Hilda.
Just in from Valholla.
How about a night of crazy sex back at our place? Wha'd he say? Just nod.
You speak our language with such ease.
My brother and I pride ourselves on being 'cunning linguists.
Say How 'bout we warm up with a little oil wrestling? You read our minds! Ja, you bad boys.
Time for a spanking? Now, sister.
We need to save some for the imagination, ja.
Good point.
Let us away, ladies.
Did you see how high that guy went up in the air? And the look on his face when I flipped over him? Don't have too much fun, Daphne.
Fighting should always be a least resort.
And hearing myself say all those things.
I hope I can stand up for myself like that someday.
Well, what makes you think you can't do it now? I just wish Father could have been there to see it.
He would have been so proud even if it wasn't really me.
I know it may be hard to see this, Daphne, but your father loves you.
And he is proud of you.
He just doesn't always know how to show it.
-Because he misses Mother? -Sure, that's a large part of it.
I miss her too.
I know you do.
And it may not seem fair but you're gonna have to grow up a little faster than you thought.
It's just you and your dad now.
You're gonna have to learn to take care of each other.
Are you tellin' me the little girl did this to ya? Wha'd she do? Club you with her lollipop? She may look like a child, but she has Xena's skill.
No wonder.
You have the reflexes of a pregnant tortoise.
Now, get up.
That leather-clad bitch took half my face.
And if I do nothing else in this lifetime, I'll make her scream in agony for it.
-I'll need more men.
-No, you won't.
We'll take away Xena's advantage, by luring her to us.
A dash more salt.
-Where'd you learn to cook? -My mom taught me.
My mother's a great cook, but it never rubbed off on me.
-What about your dad? -What about him? What's he like? He's dead.
Do you miss him? I never really knew him.
He wasn't a very good man from all the stories I've heard, but I guess I I guess I miss the idea of him.
That makes us kind of the same, Xena.
We both had bad luck.
Well, I've never thought about it that way.
I guess I always felt lucky to have my mother just like you're lucky to have your father.
And he is very lucky to have you.
Now, the main event! The grapple in the grease! The toil in the oil! Lude-mania! I feel like I've been basted! We get the oil and we get out of here.
Ready to get slippery, ladies? -Will you cut it out? -Sorry.
Guten tag! Come on! I think I'm in love.
Your winners are Bruna and Hilda! Hey, you're not twins! We're not? You lied to me? Hay, what happened to your accents? -It comes and goes.
-What's going on here? It's a shameless exploitation of the female form.
That's what.
You should all be ashamed.
Hey! She stole my oil! That's our cue! -Hey, nice cast.
-Thanks.
I've seen my dad do it a million times.
I've never tried it myself.
I wanna surprise him with dinner.
What's the matter? Daphne? I remember what happened.
This place I fell in.
Daphne! Get away from the water! Never never come to these rocks again by yourself.
Do you hear me? I fell in and Mom dove in after me.
She drowned and it's my fault.
It's my fault she died! It's my fault! It's my fault! Daphne! Daphne! So you're a fisherman, huh? Well, I hope you won't mind if we use you as bait.
Get him.
Daphne, listen to me.
You couldn't be more wrong.
Your mother's death is not your fault.
Listen to me, please.
What happened to her is a terrible thing, but even if she'd known she was going to die she would have done it anyway because she loved you that much.
Do you see? How do you know? Hey, I'm about to be a mother too.
And if you were my little girl, I would trade my life for yours in a heartbeat.
I wish my dad felt that way.
Daphne! Daphne! -Are you ok? -Yeah, I'll be ok.
I have to talk to Xena.
I'm here, Gabrielle.
We've been looking for you.
We found this at Daphne's house.
Tharon wants you to give yourself up in exchange for Daphne's father.
We have to get you back in your body.
There's no time.
They're gonna kill him by sunset.
I know, Xena, but we have to get you back in your body by then or we may never.
Then we'll have to split up.
Aphrodite, go get my body.
Meet us at the castle as soon as you can.
No problem.
I've got a feeling this one's gonna be close.
What's this about? Who are you people? You're in no position to ask questions.
But since I see no reason not to tell you we want your daughter.
My daughter? Let's just say she's not who she appears to be.
I don't know what you think she's done but if you so much as touch her, I swear, I'll kill you! Now I understand how you feel.
Therefore, I won't ridicule your pathetic threats.
If if makes you feel any better, this isn't personal.
You and your daughter will be casualties in a war that began long ago.
Hello! My little girl is selling junior amazon cookies.
Would you like to try a free sample? Don't mind if I do, little girl? I've just cut off the flow of blood to your brain.
Tell me where to find Galantis or you'll be dead in 30 seconds.
Am I making myself clear? Daphne! -Get out of here! -Not without you.
Who are these men? Why are they after you? They think I'm somebody else.
Where'd you learn to do that? From a friend.
Thank the gods you're safe.
If anything ever happened to you, I'd never forgive myself.
Daphne, I'm going to let you take over now.
You and your father have got a few things to talk about.
Go on.
You can do it.
Are you all right? I understand if you blame me for Mommy's death.
No, sweetheart.
That's why I wasn't by your side when you woke up.
I couldn't stand to face you.
If I'd just been with you that day I could have saved you both.
I've got this friend, and she told me we're lucky to have each other, you and me, and I can see now she's right.
I don't blame you for Mommy's death.
Do you love me? Of course I do.
I'm so sorry you even have to ask.
But I promise, you will never have to again.
The coast is clear.
Let's go.
Daphne! Daphne! Come here! Hook, line and sinker.
Let go of me! Get off! Stop it! I said let go of me! There they are! Let's get 'em! You know how to use one of these? Yeah, to gut a fish.
Think of 'em as really mean trout.
Believe me, this is gonna hurt you a lot more than it's gonna hurt me.
That's gotta hurt.
So, finally, after all these years I get to pay you back for what you did to me.
I hate to break it to you, but you were never that good-looking to begin with.
You owe me so big time.
I hate manual labor.
Let's get this over with.
You're Xena.
Just barely.
Dad, this is the friend I was telling you about.
Go on.
Thank you for saving my daughter.
She's the most precious thing in all the world to me.
Sure.
Dad says he's gonna teach me how to fish.
Yeah? Well, you can teach him how to cook it, huh? I guess I could.
I think you and your dad are gonna be just fine.
You're the best friend I ever had.
I hope I have a kid just like ya.
Will I ever see you again? Of course you will.
Just look in the mirror.
Daphne? Well I guess all's well that ends well.
And if you guys don't need me for anything else I'm late for a facial.
-It's good to have you back.
-It's good to be back.
What are you doing? Just checking that everything's where I left it.
-Xena, I took good care of you.
-I know.
Thank you.
What was it like, being young again? You know, some people think that it's easy being a kid, but in a lot of ways, it's harder than being an adult.
You should remember that when your child's a teenager.
Oh, don't say the "T" word, Gabrielle.