Angel s05e09 Episode Script

[Man.]
Welcome to the Los Angeles branch of Wolfram and Hart the oldest and most powerful law firm in the city.
Founded in 1791 on ground deconsecrated by the blood of mass-murderer Matthias Pavane Wolfram and Hart has put roots down in this glamorous city that grow deep and branches that reach right into the heart of every major corporation including Yoyodyne, Weyland-Yutani and News Corp.
That captain of industry? We own his soul.
That fabulous movie queen? She owes us her first born.
But times change, and Wolfram and Hart is changing right along with them.
Under our new C.
E.
O.
, Angel we're focusing less on power and more on using that power for good.
We have a zero-tolerance policy for killing and that includes you, vampires.
That better be pig's blood, mister.
- Yes, our esteemed president has made it clear - [No Audible Dialogue.]
This is a new company for the new millennium, and he wants to work with you.
You know, if you don't kill, we won't kill you.
That's right.
No more employee sacrifiiices.
At Wolfram and Hart, you're part of a family now.
You can work your way up the ladder and there'll always be a hand to help you up it.
Every life and unlife is as important to our new management as their own.
So go ahead, relax and enjoy your new Wolfram and Hart family.
Because at our firm, everyone matters.
You matter.
Buddy, you're going places.
- [Alarm Buzzer.]
- [Rock.]
[Buzzer Stops.]
[Rock Continues.]
[Volume Increases.]
[Continues.]
[Continues.]
[Continues.]
- Morning, Mrs.
Jacobi.
- [Dog Growls, Barks.]
[Continues.]
[Dings.]
[Continues.]
[Continues.]
- [Fades.]
- Excuse me.
You know, I should go.
Ohhh! Hey! - Sorry.
- [Huffs.]
So then, 2:00 a.
m.
My boss calls me wants me to search her car for, get this, a stray Vicodin.
- Shut up.
- Hello, fellow grunts.
Hey.
I mean, making me drop off her stool sample was one thing.
But this? I'm so asking for a raise.
Yeah! You know, I was thinking I've been due for a raise too, 'cause Oh, did I tell you? That cute new shaman's in my department now.
- Mm.
He was in my training class.
- Right.
Nice chatting with you too.
Bye-bye.
- Which actually makes him sexier.
- [Giggles.]
- [Beeps, Whirring.]
- [Man.]
Hey.
- Morning.
- You just can't There are rules.
Oh, I know.
It's so unfair.
Just because my boss is your boss's boss his needs coming first and all.
- [Beeps.]
- See ya.
So, you've got the department heads at 11:00.
Your 1:00 with Mistress Shriva from Human sorry Nonhuman Resources got moved to 2:00.
Swung by the cleaners.
Zippo luck getting out the Frophla slime.
Oh, and I took care of the catering for the big feuding demon-clan confab unless you have any requests.
[Speaking Demon Language.]
[Clicking Tongue.]
Yeah, uh, okay.
Could you spell that? - Oh.
- [Woman, Recording.]
Greetings, Your Eminence.
Let me take your staff.
[Recording: Demon Language.]
Sheesh.
My clicks are all wrong.
You figure out the catering for tomorrow? - Hello! I just - [Gunn.]
Morning.
Ready to do this thing? So, about the, uh, catering I really went above and beyond 'cause I know this is very [Sighs.]
You're welcome.
- You're up today.
- Oh, come on, Rudy.
You know I've been off the human blood for months.
Company policy.
Give me the finger.
[Telephone Rings.]
Good morning.
Wolfram and Ow! Uh, sorry.
Wrong extension.
You need 529 for Curses.
Foiled again, huh? [Giggles.]
- Hello? - You're clean.
Have a good one.
[Sighs.]
Eli.
Hi.
[Chuckles.]
Hey you.
I just got called up for a meeting with your boss man.
- Really? I didn't see any - I don't want to count my hatchlings but I think the honchos are finally starting to recognize my work in Accounting.
- Hey.
Good for you.
- Eli.
Come on in.
Wish me luck, kiddo.
Ohhh.
Angel, you forgot your [Gasps.]
Get that cleaned up, would you? I just I don't get it.
Why'd you kill Eli? Didn't much like what he was doing in his off-hours.
Well, that's not right.
- What Eli did on his own time - Is dismember virgins.
Oh.
Well, a person's religious beliefs is no cause for He did it for his own amusement.
Oh.
Well, okay.
Still, couldn't you have given him a stern warning or something first? It's called a zero-tolerance policy, not a "maybe-this-once" policy.
Nobody in this office gets away with murder.
Not anymore.
Ohhh.
Lemme guess.
Position just open up in accounting? Hardest part of thejob terminating an employee.
Once again, keeping corporate America safe from evil.
- Spike.
- I was wonderin' when you'd turn up.
Where have you been? It's been days.
Out enjoying freedom from my ghostly confines, luv.
There haven't been any side effects since you recorporealized, have there? Bit of a hangover, but that's to be expected after all the drinking.
Just thought I'd swing by and say my final farewells.
- You're leaving? - You catch on quick, don't you? Yeah, thought I'd push off, seeing as how I got somebody waiting for me.
[Wesley.]
Angel, I'm not sure that's wise given the Shanshu prophesy is still unresolved.
That's your problem, mate.
You're welcome to that heroic destiny, whether you deserve it or not.
Me, I've got better things to do than wait around for the four bloody horsemen.
- Spike.
- Let him go.
Yeah, here's the thing.
Could use a little walking-around money.
How 'bout a few hundred? - How 'bout, no? - Typical, you cheap sod.
Right, then.
Settle for some wheels.
If it's gonna get you out of here faster, fine.
- Just not the Viper.
- Viper it is, then.
- Any message for Buffy? - Tell her you're a moron.
Well, bon voyage, Spikester.
Don't be a stranger.
Fred.
[Exhales Deeply.]
I want you to know, uh I mean, all that work you put in tryin' to, you know, cure me of the ghosties I didn't do anything.
Oh, you did.
You You believed in I mean, you tried.
I won't forget that.
You're welcome.
Oh, what? I don't get a good-bye just because I went crazy and tried to rip your throat out while we were having sex? Keep it simple, Harm.
It suits you.
This is war.
Two demon clans, the Vinjis and the Sahrvin.
They've been battling it out for five generations.
Way back when, clans got along okay.
Shared a few hundred miles of desert, traded livestock and even partied together once in a while.
Then a Vinji used the wrong fork at a Sahrvin bonding ceremony.
Sahrvins took offense, and they've been slaughtering each other ever since.
You're saying this whole thing started over a fork faux pas? They're pretty finicky about manners.
But the clans have agreed to negotiate a truce - Here, tomorrow.
- Why now? Demon rights activist by the name ofTobias Dupree got involved.
He's liaison to both clans only guy in the world they all trust.
And he called us for help.
Etiquette aside, the Vinji and Sahrvin are notoriously vicious.
Why not let them wipe each other out? I got no love for these guys.
But we manage to push through a peace plan the whole demon world's gonna know we got game.
That makes sense, in a kind of gray, Machiavellian kind of way.
Obviously, both clans are sensitive to the smallest slight.
We don't dot an "l"or cross a "T," this whole thing could explode in our faces.
This is a complete list of manners and customs.
We should probably all memorize this.
Apparently, gazing at a Vinji's ankles can lead to eye-gouging.
Ah.
Hey, come on, Dandido.
Come on.
[Chuckles.]
He gets a wee shy around the big boss.
All the way in, yeah.
I, uh, finished the seating chart.
All right.
This kid was up all night, jigsawing who's going where tomorrow.
He's a real up-and-comer, this one.
[Fred.]
My lab managed that upgrade to the weapons scanner, like you requested.
- Foolproof? - I'd say yes but then some fool would just come along and sneak something past us.
But it's still state of the art.
And since none of the clan representatives speak English - I'll be doing most of the talking.
- You? Yeah.
Along with the law and the Gilbert and Sullivan also got me a few demon languages in the brain upload.
So aside from forks, ankles and us not knowing what they're saying any other potential minefields? All their etiquette issues go along with a healthy dose of superstition.
You don't know the half of it.
I've been doing a whole bunch of research on these guys their customs and stuff.
Did you know that they think poodles are wicked bad luck? Harmony, I'm glad you're here.
- We'll be needing lunch.
- [Gunn.]
Good idea.
- We should order before the crush.
- [Fred.]
Not Thai again.
- [Sighs.]
- Something lighter.
[Woman.]
Burkle's always giving Mr.
Gunn the eye.
- I heard they used to be a thing.
- I don't know.
Alice said she and that Knox guy are pretty friendly.
Maybe she's sleeping with both of'em.
[Giggles.]
That's what I'd do.
Don't forget about Wesley.
I get the vibe that he's, like, totally crushing over Fred.
Mr.
Wyndam-Pryce? [Huffs.]
Everyone knows he's Muffins! They're from Lorne actually from Shaq but Lorne's declared his office a carb-free zone.
- He's totally grooming you.
- You think? He does call me "Dan the Man.
" - Angel grooms me too.
- Explains the haircut.
I'm his right arm.
He's taking me places.
- [Ringing.]
- We're so connected.
- Yeah, boss? - Harmony, get the hell down here.
Now! - Yeah, boss? - Harmony, get the hell down here.
Now! Uh, sure.
No.
No, trouble at all.
That's what I'm here for.
Bye.
Harmony! You want to explain this? Okay.
This is totally my fault.
I specifically told the caterers the delivery was for tomorrow.
But I should've called to confirm.
You know caterers not the best listeners.
- Oh! - [Bellows.]
Harmony, uh, got us a camel.
Like I said, I did a lot of research.
Camel meat's a delicacy.
So I thought it would be a great way to kick off the summit 'cause of the clans being so uptight.
Like comfort food.
- Comfort food? - Uh-huh.
And as host, you get the honor of slicing off its hump and sticking a hot poker through its heart.
And then the demon leaders rip apart its carcass with their bare hands.
[Chuckles.]
Are you [Sighs.]
I don't even know h-how Uh, maybe the camel was the wrong way to go.
You were supposed to answer the phones, make appointments and anticipate my needs which does not include a petting zoo in my lobby.
Okay, but the caterer said no returns.
- [Snorts.]
- Get it out of here.
Maybe you could go with a nice cheese platter.
[Crying.]
Or chips and dip.
Chips and dip would be fine.
I did everything right.
This is what they eat.
Angel's just feeling a little off and he-he's not in the mood to, you know, butcher a camel.
- No, he hates me! - No! He'll get over it.
Everybody hates me.
L I don't hate you.
- [Sniffles.]
- I mean, it's just I don't know you that well, and What are you doing after work? [Bellows.]
And the worst part is, I can't even quit.
I don't have anywhere else to go.
I'm sure that's not Really? I tried being out on my own, all independent and evil.
- I'm just no good at it.
- But But, I mean, isn't that a good thing? Not like everything's so great now.
You heard Angel.
I'm useless.
Harmony, it was one mistake.
And you can't take everything Angel says so personally.
He He has a lot on his mind.
[Sighs.]
I just wish I were more like you.
You know, except for the part about being all into science and not having a lot up front.
I mean, you have two hot guys after you.
I do? All the girls, they think it's Knox and Gunn.
Of course, I know it's Knox and Wesley.
Not that they'd listen.
It is Knox and Wes, right? Yeah.
I mean, no! L I don't know.
We all work together, and there's a lot of baggage and Why am I telling you this? Because we're totally bonding.
We're, like, gal pals.
This is awesome.
You can teach me about life, and I can teach you how to dress better.
Oh.
[Giggles.]
They are both kinda hot, aren't they? Knox and Wes.
L Wait.
Why is everyone at the office so interested in who I might be dating? Because you're at the top.
People want to know what's happening with the bigwigs.
You'd think they'd ask me, but - Why don't they? - [Sighs.]
Harmony, do you do you not have many friends at work? I just I don't get it.
I used to be way popular in high school.
[Sighs.]
Just since I got vamped at my graduation I've had trouble connecting with people.
Well, maybe you should you know, put yourself out there more.
I mean, lots of Wolfram and Hart people hang out right here.
- You should mingle.
- They're all straight.
Nonvamps.
I gravitate more towards the undead variety.
Well, there's your problem.
The undead, they're not exactly givers.
I'm sure there are tons of straight guys who would love to get to know you.
Well, there is one at the bar.
Don't! I think he's checking me out.
You should go talk to him.
Oh, no.
I couldn't.
I'm hanging with my gal pal.
I would never do that to you.
- Don't be silly.
I'd be fine if - Okay.
Bye.
Oh, what do I say? Oh, um, just say "Hi" and introduce yourself.
I bet he takes it from there.
Right.
But what if he doesn't take it? Well, questions are always good.
Ask him where he's from and what he does for a living.
Cover the boring stuff.
Only maybe act like it's not boring.
I can do that.
[Giggles.]
I can do that.
[Giggles.]
Well, don't watch me.
I'll just, um I'll just go.
Hi.
- I'm Harmony.
- Well, hi, Harmony.
It's nice to meet you.
Where are you from? - The Bay Area originally, but - Uh-huh.
Interesting.
[Nervous Giggle.]
What do you do for a living? Why don't I get you a drink? You look thirsty.
- [Alarm Buzzer.]
- [Rock.]
- [Buzzer Stops.]
- [Groans.]
Ahhh.
Mm.
Mmm.
[Gasps.]
[Exhales Deeply.]
[Gasps.]
Ohhh.
Uh Tim? Trevor? George? Apparently you and l you know.
And I'm sure I rocked your world and all but I gotta go to work, so [Sighs.]
Hello? Oops.
Ohhh.
[Breathing Heavily.]
- [Sighs.]
- [Dog Barking.]
- Ohhh! - [Thump.]
[Elevator Bell Dings.]
[Grunts, Gasps.]
- Hi, Mrs.
Jacobi.
- [Dog Growling.]
[Grunts.]
Oh, crapola! [Elevator Bell Dings.]
[Grunts.]
Have a nice day, Mrs.
Jacobi.
[Dog Growling.]
Okay, just act normal.
[Nervous Chuckle.]
Hi! How's it hangin'? Love the pocket square.
- Blood.
- Where? That's what I'd like to know.
Where is my blood? Harmony, I got the demon summit today, and you're late and What are you doing? Desk crunches.
Get fit while you sit.
You should see my abs.
You wanna? Mug o' blood, comin' right up, boss.
- Harmony.
- Huh? I can't afford to have anything go wrong today.
What What could go wrong? [Hushed Whimper.]
Okay.
[Sighs.]
- [Beeps, Whirs.]
- I remember the talking.
"Hi, I'm Harmony.
" "You look thirsty.
" "Well, why don't I drink a couple quarts of your blood then, Tom" Terry? Ohhh.
Drinking.
That's my problem.
Too much drinking.
I don't even remember taking him home.
Damn lemon drops.
I never should've Fred.
She made me talk to him.
She's responsible for - You did it again.
- It's not my fault! - What? - [Beeps.]
You can't blame me because Angel gets grumpy when he's hungry.
[Moaning Pleasurably.]
[Moaning Continues.]
Oh.
[Chuckles.]
Stress eating.
Angel's all [Grunts.]
About the summit and, you know, I'm his right arm so the stress and the - [Moaning Pleasurably.]
- [Cell Phone Ringing.]
Mm.
Hi, boss.
Uh, there was a line at the microwave? I'm coming.
That's right, chips and dip.
I know.
I told him.
He just Wildebeest? Really? No, we better just stick with the chip-dip thing.
Thanks.
Okay! It's all peachy.
Just get through the day and I'm home [Heartbeats.]
- Ohhh.
- [Telephone Ringing.]
Angel's office.
- One moment, please.
- [Intercom Beeps.]
Yeah? There's a Detective Griffin for you.
Put him through.
It's Angel.
Yeah, this is Dave Griffin, L.
A.
P.
D.
Thought you'd want to know, found a body this morning.
Vampire attack.
- It looks like he - Hold on.
- [Intercom Beeps.]
- Harmony, I got it! Oh.
[Chuckles.]
Right.
Sorry.
[Sighs.]
Oh, God.
[Sighs.]
Oh, God.
Oh, God, oh, God, oh, God, oh, God, oh, God.
You know what this is about? Perhaps one of the Vinjis set down a teacup improperly.
Worse.
Just got off the phone with L.
A.
P.
D.
- They found a body.
- Where? Did he say where? The city dump, wrapped in a laundry bag.
- [Wesley.]
And the police called you because? - Apparently, we own them.
- Right, makes sense.
- Of course.
Well, that, and they found my card on the victim.
It was the liaison between the feuding clans.
- Toby Dupree? - Toby! That was his name.
Really? Huh.
You don't hear unusual names like that anymore.
We're gonna have to do some serious damage control.
You think? Demon rights activist gets munched by a vamp on our watch? - He told me he was an astronaut.
- No telling how the clans are gonna take this.
Superstitious as they are, they may see it as an omen or So this cop, he doesn't have any actual real info, right? It is possible that someone's trying to send a message, derail the summit.
Ooh, yeah! That must be it.
The derailing thing, that that makes sense.
Right? [Speaking Demon Language.]
"The Vinji clan is deeply concerned about this turn of events.
" - Perhaps if you say something.
- Oh, no.
I'm not ready.
Look, just tell 'em that the summit can proceed as planned.
That they shouldn't, you know, start skinning each other.
[Speaking Demon Language.]
[Vinji Speaking.]
- They're lookin'for vengeance.
- [Angel.]
Tell 'em we're on it.
[Vinji Yelling.]
[Gunn Speaking.]
[Sighs.]
- What happened to you not saying anything? - I got caught up.
- Obviously a mistake.
- Forgive and forget, I say.
It's the golden rule.
These guys are not gonna forgive, and they're definitely not gonna forget - until we figure out - Who killed Dupree.
I know.
Fred will be able to tell us some more soon.
Dupree's body should be in the lab by now.
- Lab? Our lab? - [Gunn.]
That was fast.
[Angel.]
Shouldn't take long to track down the vampire who did this set things right.
Signifiiicant postmortem battering suggests prior relationship with the victim.
Consulting coroner puts time of death at approximately 1:30 a.
m.
, which Oh, Harmony.
Hi.
I just thought I'd pop in to see - Angel sent you, didn't he? - Angel? He's all antsy about the demon summit, so he sent you here to rush me only he doesn't want to seem like he sent you here to rush me so he told you to act all like that.
Oh! Yeah.
Totally.
You know our Angel.
So, what do you know? Do you know who did it? The body's only been here Uh-huh.
And don't you think it's possible that whoever did it could have blacked out and doesn't even remember doing it, so it's totally not their fault? L I guess.
Oh, hey.
You know, last night was actually I mean, I really had kind of a nice time.
Huh? Ohhh! Yeah.
Me too.
Bite marks are 17 millimeters apart six millimeters deep, on the right side of the neck.
Well, that doesn't sound like much to go on.
[Chuckles.]
The size and depth of the wound indicate a female vampire.
- Or gay! - [Clicks Off.]
Um, it doesn't really work like that.
Anyway, if you wanna hang out again sometime we could grab some wine, jam to the Dixie Chicks.
Oh, gee.
You know, my schedule's kinda packed right - Hey.
- What? Something you wanna tell me? Tell what? The guy at the bar.
I wanna hear all about it.
Ohhh, that.
Uh, well loser.
[Huffs.]
Big.
Told me he was an astronaut.
[Scoffs.]
Like anyone would believe that.
I know.
Well, I'd better [Breathing Heavily.]
Okay, that's it.
I gotta get outta here, leave the country.
Maybe Mexico.
Yeah, I like Mexico.
Or Cancun.
I hear that's Anyway, I'll I'll start over, change my name.
Harmonita.
That's kind of pret Bitten on the right.
He was bitten on the right! Oh, my God! I didn't do it! [Kisses, Giggles.]
- Ouch! - You sound just like my six-year-old.
- Yeah.
He's always sayin' that - [Beeping.]
[Giggles.]
[Groans.]
[Nervous Giggle.]
[Thump.]
[Lorne.]
Yeah, well, I'm talkin'first-degree murder.
Yeah, mine, if these demons find out we're short four gift bags.
[Chuckles.]
Hey, Lorraine, you're a lifesaver.
Harmonica, Harmonica.
Hey, hey.
You seen Danny around? - I need him to, you know - Oh, no.
[Nervous Chuckle.]
So, just curious You know those random blood tests? Where do they go? Well, the results get automatically transmitted down to the lab, I think.
- Uh-huh.
- And then, uh, they [Muffled Groaning.]
- Did you just hear that? - Hear what? [Chuckles.]
[Thump.]
[Sighs.]
- Harmony.
- I can explain.
Y-You don't have to explain anything.
I just have to get something out of my I left my autoclave on.
It's not what you think! Okay, so your test came back positive.
You slipped, had some human blood.
- Maybe it was consensual or - There was nothing.
I mean, I think there was something.
[Sighs.]
I don't remember exactly.
I think somebody must've drugged me.
I was at the bar, and then I woke up, and he was there.
Wait.
He? He.
Him! The guy you made me talk to.
Oh, God.
He's him? I didn't kill him.
I'm innocent.
See, 'cause you said he was bitten on the right.
- I'm a right-biter.
- Uh - Look.
- Ahhh! - See? Right-biter.
- Harmony, stop! - I lean right, which means I bite you on your - Left.
I get it.
Left.
Right.
I mean correct.
And since he was bitten on his right he had to have been bitten by a left-biter.
Ergo, not me.
Okay.
That's a very convincing argument, Harmony e-except your blood test came back positive.
Yeah, I know, but that's It couldn't.
It's a mistake, or I drank it accidentally, or [Gasps.]
Somebody spiked my thermos.
- Why would anyone - I don't know.
Because the summit! Someone wants to ruin it or What are you doing? I wanna believe you, Harmony.
I do.
I think if we just call and explain what happened to Angel No.
Zero-tolerance policy, remember? - He can help.
- He's not a helper.
He's a chopper.
- He'll cut my head off before I get two words - He He won't.
I'm not a killer! Well, I am.
But I've been clean for eight months.
Except for today, but that is different, because it's not me.
Angel will listen.
I promise.
He'll He'll want to hear what you have to say and he'll understand.
Don't worry.
Everything will be fine.
Okay? [Touch-tones Beeping.]
- [Muffled Yelp.]
- [Muffled Speech.]
I'm totally sorry I have to do this.
And you guys are being super understanding.
It's just till I clear my name.
I so owe you guys dinner.
Okay, okay, okay.
So I'm being set up.
Somebody put blood in my blood.
Human blood in my thermos.
So fingerprints.
Right.
Gotta get my thermos.
- [Speaking Demon Language.]
- What? - What is she saying? - They wanna walk.
[Speaking Demon Language.]
- I told her - I got the general idea.
What do they want? - That ain't good.
- [Screams.]
- What? - Seems it's bad luck to get things goin' before we cough up a little eye for an eye.
Seein' as we don't have the actual bad guy, they're willing to accept a substitute.
They want a blood sacrifice.
Harmony! A person makes one little mistake Find Fred.
I want to know what she got off the body.
[Gulps.]
Fred? Right.
I'm on it.
Aha! The smoking thermos.
- What? - Trying to get rid of the evidence? What evidence? I was just trying to get to Lorne's protein snack.
Ha! You expect me to believe that? - Go on.
Admit it! - Admit what? That you stole my thermos and filled it with human blood! Human What? It is so totally obvious! You hate me! You've probably been watching me sweat all day, laughing! Hate you? I don't care about you enough to hate you.
- Hey! Leave him alone.
- Mind your own business! You murdered that guy and put him in my bed! [Whimpering.]
Murdered? Oh, God! You did this to me, and now you're gonna confess! I'm I'm I'm sorry! I didn't What guy? P-P-Please! I swear, l Don't kill me! What the - What'd you do that for? - To make it look like you did.
Why would you wanna [Gasps.]
Hey.
It was you! Who are you? You don't remember? Think steno pool.
I sat next to you.
- Sambuca.
- Tamika! Right! Yeah, well, you were only there for, what was it, five weeks? - More like four and a half.
- I have been there for five years.
I type 80 words a minute.
I have an exceptionally pleasant phone voice! But you're the one who sits at the best desk in the building.
You're the one in the in-crowd.
[Chuckles.]
You think I'm in the in-crowd? Oh, I see you in all the important meetings.
You're on the fast track.
Well, that's all about to change.
I have witnesses who saw you attack Danny.
And when Mr.
Angel hears that I saved him your job will be mine by the end of the day.
You're forgetting one thing.
Kinda have the advantage.
- Kinda not.
- Oh.
- I should've smelled you! - [Groans.]
You would've if you wore less of that tacky perfume.
[Grunts.]
Chanel's not tacky! I saw you at that bar and I said to myself, "This is it, Tamika.
This is your chance.
" So I slipped a roofie in your drink while you were busy slutting it up.
Then I followed you back to your place with that guy.
I waited till you passed out then I broke in, had myself a little snack.
That is just Ohhh! I am so gonna kick your ass! Dust can't kick.
You're gonna tell Angel the truth.
You wanna know the first thing I'm gonna do when I get your desk? Smash all of those stupid, ugly-ass unicorns! [Loud Clatter.]
[Grunting.]
And then you're gonna tell Angel how you stole my thermos and filled it with human blood, and how you tricked me.
Aaah! Ow! Ow! My lips? Sealed.
The key? Lost it! [Screeching.]
[Speaking Demon Language.]
[Conversation In Demon Language Continues.]
- Funny how that wasn't on the tape.
- They're still demanding a [Screams.]
I didn't mean to do that yet.
I can explain? You should've just come to me.
Gee, I wish I would've thought of telling her that.
I'm really, really sorry, you guys.
I totally wouldn't have hit you over the head and put you in the closet if I didn't have a really good reason.
It's just I was scared and I know you never wanted me as your assistant, and [Sighs.]
Okay, I've made some bad choices.
I mean, it's not like I have a soul.
I have to try a lot harder.
[Wesley.]
How's it going in there? Well, so far no heads are rollin'.
How about in here? Harmony could have handled it better but she didn't kill anyone.
You'll be clean in two days.
But I'll be watchin' you.
I know.
He won't have to be watching, 'cause I'll just pack up my desk.
Harmony just bring us some coffee.
So I saved the summit by killing the skank who tried to frame me and all I get is, "Get me some coffee.
" You believe that? Oh.
Hey, can I get another, but with one of those little umbrellas? - We're out.
- Right.
Figures.
Yeah, life's an ever-lovin' bitch, isn't it? - What are you doing here? - At the moment, hearin' a bit of your story of woe.
But what happened to Europe? Aren't you supposed to be Slayer-chasing or something? I was on my way.
[Sighs.]
Had a boat ticket and all.
Then I put a little thinkin' into it.
[Huffs.]
A man can't go out in a bloody blaze of glory, savin' the world and then show up three months later tumbling off a cruise ship in the south of France.
I mean, I'd love to, don't get me wrong.
But, uh, it's hard to top an exit like that.
Come on.
Girls don't care about stuff like that.
Just one look at you, and she'll forget herself.
She'll get all tingly, and it won't matter how horribly you treated her in the past and how you took her for granted, and Hey, I never took her for gr Oh.
[Exhales Deeply.]
Well, I'd expect Buffy would be happy enough to see me.
It's just I gave up my life for her, the world and if I show up now, flesh and bone a grand finale won't hold much weight.
All of it won't matter.
Yeah.
Not mattering.
[Sighs.]
I know that feeling well.
Oh, come on, Harm.
You matter to someone.
- I do? - Yeah.
Girl tried to frame you, didn't she? Must've mattered to her.
Everybody's talking about it.
You're right.
That girl hated me.
She wanted me dead.
- I matter.
- Yeah.
Grr! Arrgh!