iCarly s05e09 Episode Script

Okay wait Is it straight? Uh, I think my side needs to be a little higher.
Sam What are you doing with that balloon? Tapin' the string to Freddie's phone.
My ph ?! Hey, get your hands off my phone.
- No prob.
- Awwww, noooo.
Sam You get my phone down from there right now.
- Okay.
- Wait, wait, wait.
No, no, no.
I want you to I'm not sure the warranty covers that.
Gibbehhhh.
Whoa.
You guys gettin' ready for a party? Yep.
Carly's dad's comin' home for a few days.
And it's the first time in three years.
That I get to spend his birthday with him.
So Spencer's not your dad.
Noooo! Owww! - You deserved that.
- Great.
Now, when I sit, I'm gonna have to put all my weight on my left buttock.
Okay.
Okay Tell me what you guys think.
Heh? Hehhh? Hehhhhh? - What? - You got a job interview? Ewwww, no, gross.
He never told our dad that he dropped out of law school, so now he wants to pretend that he graduated.
And that he's a lawyer at a big law firm.
I gotta! You want dad to come home and be disappointed in me? He's been disappointed in you since you were nine.
Is that when Spencer set that ice cream truck on fire? - Yes.
- It was an accident.
Accident or not, it put mister creamstein outta business! - Whoa, what's this? - Don't touch it! - Which I have specially rigged with automatic self-lighting candles.
- Spencer - Oh, don't touch me, you're filthy.
When we show dad the cake, he'll say, "well, why aren't the candles lit?" And then Carly'll say, "what do you mean they're not lit?" And then I'll press this button.
And I'll order another cake.
In 5, 4, 3, 2 I know, you see somehow the world will change for me and be so wonderful live life, breathe air I know somehow we're gonna get there and feel so wonderful it's all for real I'm tellin' you just how I feel so wake up the members of my nation it's your time to be there's no chance unless you take one and it's time to see the brighter side of every situation some things are meant to be so give your best and leave the rest to me leave it all to me leave it all to me leave it all to me just leave it all to me Yo yo Yeah No, I get it.
It's okay, you don't need to apologize.
Okay, I'll handle it.
Love you too.
Bye.
- What's wrong? - That was my dad.
He can't come home now.
- What? - No way.
Yeah there's some "situation" in some country, I dunno, he's gotta help handle it.
Who's gonna tell Carly? - I'm not tellin' Carly.
- Whyyyyyy? 'Cuz it's gonna be like slappin' a sweet puppy in the face.
So you're gonna make me tell her that her father Junior Colonel Carly Shay with a new jet fighter birthday cake, requesting permission to land.
Dad is gonna love this.
And right after he blows out the candles, Spencer you and I are gonna give him huge hugs.
And Freddie, I want you to get it all on video.
'Kay? Um Weenies! Why are they weenies? I dunno.
Some people are just born with the weenie gene.
Okay, somethin's goin' on here.
Yeah.
Sit.
- Carly sometimes in life - I know A man and a woman fall in love.
- And they get "special feelings " - No, no, not that! Dad had a change of plans, and he can't come home right now.
He is too coming home! He told me! He was, but There's a military situation But we planned a big birthday party and everything! I know.
I'm sad about it, too, but - Don't be mad at him.
- I'm not mad, I just - I just miss him.
- You wanna talk about it? No.
Hey - Did you just call us weenies? - Yes.
- 'Kay.
- Later.
- Okay, Gibby? - Yep? Uh, go ahead and plug in cable b to the port marked "balloons.
" Got it.
Comin' down.
Who are you? Don.
I I thought you were Gibby.
No.
I am don.
Good work, don.
Okay, where did don come from? Tokyo.
You can take off, don.
- H-a-I.
- See ya at the club.
- Later, kid.
When do we start the show? Where's Carly? In her room, fixing her makeup.
- She was cryin'? - Yeah.
Why? You hit her? Nooo.
I didn't hit her.
She's still upset about her dad not coming home.
Well, she won't be upset in a few minutes when Shut up, she's walkin' in! - He's just - I don't care.
Let's just get iCarly over with so I can go back to my room and cry in the dark.
In five, four, three, two Hi.
And I'm Sam! Now, hold on to your butter beans, - 'cuz this is iCarly! - iCarly! Okay, now recently, we've noticed somethin' about pineapples.
They're usually naked.
But tonight - We're gonna dress up a few pineapples reeeaaal purdy-like.
No, we're not.
- What are you doing? - I'll tell ya what we're doin'.
Me, Gibby, and Frednard got a cool surprise for little miss Carly Shay here.
As a lot of you know, Carly's dad - Colonel Shay - Is in the air force.
Can we not talk about my dad? So he couldn't be here in person To spend his birthday with Carly and her brother, Spencer.
This is cruel.
Therefore, we've arranged for Carly to throw her dad a birthday "iparty" Via the Internet.
I told you, guys, he's at some military base for the next five weeks - There's no way we can contact him.
- Ah, but there is! And now, young Freddie will establish contact with her dad, Colonel Shay! What? Spencer, get out here! I'm out here! And connecting to overseas air force base Now! - What-up with the picture? - One sec - Colonel Shay, can you see us? - Can he?! He can see us! - Hey, dad!!! - Hey, dad!!! - It's me!!! - I'm a lawyer! Why can't we see him? I dunno he can't get a clear video signal out.
But he can see and hear everything we're saying? Yes! Here, I'll put the instant-message window on the big screen.
- Hey, dad!!! - Happy Birthday!!! - I miss you!!! - I'm a lawyer! Dad, I love you so much! He called me snug bug! That's me! - That's what he calls me! - Yeah, it's a cute nickname.
- Hey, Sam.
- Hey, Colonel Shay! My mom? Same as always.
Okay.
Colonel Shay, get excited, 'cuz it's time for Happy Birthday Colonel Shay dad! Today's the day that you were born! gibbeh! We wish that you could be here with us! cuz if you were, we'd give you a hug! give him a hug! we bought a cake shaped like a plane annnd paid for it with your credit card! - Yay! - Yeah! - Okay, come on, light the candles! - Yeah, yeah.
Go do I will now light the candles on three.
One Guys, I may not be able to hold this connection much longer.
- Oh, quick, say bye.
- Okay, okay, say bye.
- You need to say bye.
- Just say it! Okay, I'll say it! Dad I really wish we were together But this almost feels like we are.
Um, I'm really proud of you.
Happy Birthday.
I love you.
And I love you guys.
That's it.
Lost the connection.
Oh man, there's cake on the ceiling.
Where? Oh.
There.
How can you not be mad? Mister Howard had every right to be mad at me I was texting in class.
- But he took your phone.
- He'll give it back.
- But he still - Hey! Hey.
Nothing can put me in a bad mood.
You guys hooked me up so I could talk to my dad, live, on his birthday.
That's it You're both gettin' hugs.
- Noooo - That's okay No, no, it's happening, I'm serious.
You're gettin' a hug I love you guys, - I love you.
- Oh, wow.
Okay.
Okay.
Okay.
All right.
Heyyyy.
- Um, who are - I'm Agent Kinsey.
These are agents farrow and Morris.
We're with the United States Secret Service.
Heyyyy.
This is about your recent Webcast.
To a secure military base overseas.
Heyyyy.
- I don't understand this.
- Just relax, ma'am.
How can we relax when three secret service agents.
Are tearing our apartment to pieces?! We're just checking your place out.
Why? Let's just say that Your recent iCarly Webcast caught the attention.
Of someone very high up in the U.
S.
Government.
- Awww, great! - Stay calm.
I can't stay calm! I promised my mom I wouldn't cause anymore trouble with the U.
S.
Government! Clear.
All right.
We're done here for now.
Please don't leave town until we contact you again.
Why can't we leave town? Just don't leave town.
Okay.
Thanks for watchin' iCarly.
- You finish your test? - Yeah.
And I probably flunked it 'cuz all I could think about was being arrested by the feds, and that scary man's voice telling us, "don't leave town".
- Sam ever show up? - No Nobody's seen her all day.
Psst.
Over here! - Where've you been? - Gettin' stuff Here's a wig for you And a wig for you Passport for Carly And a passport for this one - What's the stuff for? - We're blowin' this country.
We're headin' to the airport and buyin' one-way tickets to amsterdam.
Sam Well, you wanna stay here in this country.
And go to federal prison for hackin' into a secure communications network?! - How are we gonna pay for one-way tickets to amsterdam? I got all my mom's engagement rings.
Now let's head to a pawn shop, turn this bling into cash, and get the Fudge outta dodge.
Uh, I think it might be too late for that.
Miss Shay, mister Benson, miss Puckett? Puckett? Oh, are you lookin' for Sam Puckett? She passed away.
Funeral's Thursday.
Bye! Miss Puckett.
All right Put the cuffs on loose, would ya? I don't like it when they dig into my wrist.
Just come with us.
Please just go away and leave us alone.
We're just simple children of the Internet.
- Inside please.
- Okay wait wait wait Would you let us go if We give you this bag of eighteen engagement rings? - Engagement rings? - We don't take bribes.
Now let's get inside There's someone in here who wants to see you.
Who?! Someone very high up in the United States government.
Oh who, the president? Higher.
I'm telling you, there's more! - Wait.
- There's way more! Yes! So I'm trapped in this giant Pumpkin, right? You mean you're inside the Pumpkin?! No.
I'm inside it.
Hey, guys! And the kids roll me out the front door, into heavy traffic, and then this big fish truck pushes me straight into bell harbor! - Did the Pumpkin float?! - No! - No.
- It sank like a rock! I'm telling you, my life is like a sitcom, I don't know! - Oh, my goodness.
- Hey guys! - Uhhh - Is that Mrs - Oh - Bama.
Obama?!? - Yuh-huh! First lady of the United States of America, I'd like you to meet Sam Puckett, Freddie Benson, and my bouncing baby sister, Carly Shay.
It is great to meet you Carly Freddie Sam.
Please don't put us in federal prison! - He's the guilty one! - My mom voted for your husband! Hey, can you guys lend me some laundry deterg Hey, who's your friend? Can she be my friend? - Stop.
- Not good.
- T-Bo, no.
- Oh, she married? Very.
Okay.
If it don't work out, I'll be in the laundry room.
So I'm confused.
Are we in trouble? No, not at all.
She watched iCarly online - no way.
- For real? - Seriously? - Mmm-hmm.
My daughters are big fans and I am too.
- Wait, is she?!?! - Later.
Close it.
- Bye, T-Bo.
Bye.
So what are you doin' here? Your excellency.
You don't call her "your excellency.
" No, no, I kinda like it.
I came here to say I'm proud of you.
Why are you proud of us? Because of how much you care for your father And because of what you two did for your friend.
You mean, setting up the surprise birthday party on iCarly? - Mmm-hmm.
My husband and I talk to a lot of people with family in the military.
Her husband is the president.
Sorry.
And it can be really tough.
For kids who have a mom or dad away from home for a long time.
- So I - Wait wait wait, hang on one second.
You got somethin' I can make a sandwich with? - Sam! - The first lady is talking.
She's the most important woman in the world.
So that means I can't have a sandwich? Anyway I was watching iCarly with my daughters, and I was really touched by how much you love.
And care about your dad while he's away serving our country.
Oh.
Remember, you said you were proud of us too.
Absolutely.
As important as it is for Carly to support what her dad is doing, it's just as important that she has good friends like the two of you.
Who understand her situation and support her too.
I would like to apologize - Bye, T-Bo.
- Later.
- Out.
- Close it.
Well, I should be getting to my next meeting.
And somebody get this girl a sandwich.
Sandwich! - Where's the bread? - I'll get the mustard.
Uh wait Mrs.
Obama? - Mm-hmm? - Since you're here And since your kids are big fans of iCarly Do you wanna have a little fun with us? I'm sorry the first lady really has to leave.
Darn.
We wanted you to be on iCarly.
- Wait, for real? - Yeah! - Sure! - Mrs.
Obama, the governor's waiting.
Let the governor wait! Come on, let's go do iCarly! - All right.
- Yeah.
Okay! Next on iCarly Since we have the first lady of the United States of America hangin' here I'm on iCarly! We figure it's the perfect time to play our favorite game Is Gibby wearing a hat, or criticizing a hamster? Let's do this! Sixty seconds on the clock.
And Gibby! Is Gibby wearing a hat or criticizing a hamster? Hat! Correct! Yeah! Yeah! She got it right! Okay, Mrs.
Obama Are you ready for the next one? Show me the Gibby.
Gibby! Why do you run on that dumb wheel? You never go anywhere! Criticizing a hamster! Uh, correct! - Yes! U-S-A! U-S-A! All right, it's about to get a little tougher.
Bring it! Gibby! - Now, I'm not supposed to give hints, but - hat.
It's hat! Pick hat! I suggest hat! Hat? Correct! Yeah.
I helped! Okay, Mrs.
Obama, you have three points, beating out our previous high score Which was two.
You've won this bag of bolts And nuts! Nuts and bolts supplied to iCarly by Peggy's nuts and bolts For all your nut and bolt needs.
Ooo, now I can finally finish that robot.
Oh, I'm not supposed to mention the robot? No.
And that concludes this very special edition of iCarly! Now this is for everyone out there who's got a family member serving in the U.
S.
military! Yeah! And now Rrrrrraaaaandom daaaaanciiiiiing!