Little Mosque on the Prairie (2007) s05e09 Episode Script

Whoa.
Are you finished eating your breakfast? Because we have something very important to ask - when you're done.
- Uh - Not quite done.
- Good.
Because there is an opening on the mosque board.
Woman: And we think you should take it.
Me? W-what about you? Mufeeda cannot be on the board.
She does not have the people skills.
- What? - She can say the most insensitive things and not even know it.
Mufeeda: You should do it.
You are the First Lady of the mosque.
Like Michelle Obama.
You even have the triceps! Oh! Ridiculous! A woman on the board? It is un-Islamic.
And where does it say that? Right here in my mouth.
A man should be the next board member, and in fact, that man should be me.
You are already on the board.
What law says that one man cannot be two members of the same board? The law of common sense.
You are right.
It would be ridiculous.
Astaghfillurallah! I fought the law and the law won.
Ladies, I just I don't know if I have enough time to be on the board.
You are right, you do not.
I'm glad you see it is impossible.
Impossible? Well, that sounds like a challenge.
A challenge you clearly are not up to.
Well, that really sounds like a challenge.
It's not a challenge.
Don't do it.
You're telling me not to do it? Fine! I accept your challenge! Dealing with that woman is always a challenge.
Season 5 Episode 9 Love at First Fight Sarah Hamoudi, lovely as ever.
- How are you? - Okay, I guess.
A little lonely with Yasir gone, but I've been doing more quilting to help with the lonely nights.
Whoa, whoa, whoa, Miss Lonely Nights, I was just being polite.
I thought you'd just say "fine" and ask me how I'm doing.
- How are you doing? - Glad you asked! - Tea? - Why not.
Uh, I am bored.
Bored, bored, boredy-bored, bored.
Uh, a little milk in there, please.
Yeah.
That's too bad.
Yes, it's Amaar, you know, he's off with that woman.
My daughter? Well, I don't blame you, it's just I have no one to play basketball with anymore.
Don't you have a new girlfriend? Who, Rose, the slam dunk queen of Mercy High? No, thank you.
But, uh, thank you.
Uh, besides which, she's working all the time, you know? Which is boring.
Well, maybe you should get out there and connect with some of Mercy's other great people.
Like who? Fred? Nate? Joe? The shop teacher with the wooden hand? There's more to Mercy than that.
- Who? - Mrs.
Wispinski: Oh, Sarah.
Thank you so much for that wonderful garage.
Alvin just loves being out there.
And I love having him out there.
Ah, Mrs.
Wispinski, you look lovely today.
Is that a new dress? Hmm? Look at your hair, it's like a a waterfall of caramel.
It's the same as every day.
Yet you make the everyday magical.
Oh, brother.
- What? - I think I know why you're not connecting.
- It's jealousy, isn't it? - No, they don't trust you because you're a smooth-talking phony.
Ugh! I don't know what else to do.
Look, you're friends with everyone.
What's your secret? There's no secret, I'm just being myself, being honest.
That's how you build relationships.
Oh, so that's it! Well, look out, Mercy, from now on, I'm just going to be myself.
No, no, don't be yourself! No, no be myself! Salaam alaikum.
Walaikum assalaam.
Amaar, I want to ask you a question.
So, you know how the ladies in the mosque sort of think of me as Michelle Obama? No, but go on.
They want me to join the mosque board.
The board? You hate the idea.
No, no, it's been kind of tough filling the post.
I don't know if you've noticed, but I actually have a few ideas about how the mosque should be run.
You hide it well.
- Let's do it.
- Really? - Yeah! I'm just disappointed I didn't think of it first.
Baber: And I am disappointed that you even thought of that at all! This is a private conversation.
Baber, you know we need a new member on the board.
A new male board member.
And I happen to know someone who is interested.
- You do? - Really? Because Rayyan is the only person in town who's shown the slightest interest.
But this person is not from town.
Your mosque is a disgrace! Full of terrible Muslims, like this man.
Suhail.
You should make him a board member.
You want to nominate someone that hates you? But at least he's not a woman.
I am a man.
You have to choose me.
- No, that's not true.
- Yes, it's true.
Of course he's a man.
Take a look at his beard! He's not even from town.
You have to choose me.
Look, favouring my fianc¨¦e would be a conflict of interest.
The rest of the board would be afraid to disagree with what you say.
I can't, in good conscience, abuse my power like that.
So! The men win.
- No.
- So I win? No.
We're going to have an election and let the people decide who wins.
So the men will decide - and Suhail wins! - Rayyan: Uh, "the people" include women.
Why do I keep forgetting that? Oh, Reverend, about what I said earlier Oh, don't worry, I took it to heart.
Oh, no, that's actually what I'm worried about.
Maybe I was wrong.
No, no, no, if I want people's trust, I need to earn it.
From now on, honesty is, uh - The best policy.
- Yes, I like that.
It's catchy.
Ah, giving away kittens? Mr.
Boots had a litter.
- Mr.
Boots? - Uh, yes, well, Alvin thought he was a boy.
Oh.
So how does he explain the kittens? He's stubborn.
Oh, would you like one? They're ever so fluffy! Oh, what a generous offer! I'd love one, but, to be honest Oh no I hate cats.
How can anyone hate cats? Perhaps it's how they scrape their bodies clean with their own tongues or that five out of six of their ends are pointy, or, uh, or their total disdain for humanity.
All I know is that a world without cats would be a paradise indeed! Oh-kay! Can I borrow him - for just a minute? - You can have him.
- Yeah.
But, what? I was just being honest! Is it a crime to hate cats? Smelly, hateful cats? Maybe we should connect with people who don't already know you.
Yeah, but where are we going to find people who Hello.
"Life's a Stitch".
This is perfect.
You want to come to my quilting group? I'd love to.
I mean, this is the perfect place to hone the new Thorne without any risk.
I mean, if I offend them who gets hurt? No one, only them.
They're my friends! Well, not for long.
Soon they'll be mine.
Meow.
Oh! This brings us to our board election.
So, I'd like to invite up Brother Suhail to describe his platform.
Ma salama.
I am Suhail.
Your mosque is ridiculous.
The barrier is insufficient.
We should have a wall to keep all of the immodest women out of sight.
And in conclusion, you are all terrible Muslims.
That is my platform.
Thank you.
Amaar: Thank you, Brother Suhail.
And now, Sister Rayyan.
And women should not be allowed to speak in the mosque.
Ma salama.
Um, you all know me.
I only want what's fair.
All Muslims should be treated with due respect just as the Prophet, peace be upon him, enjoined upon us.
Um, I live here, I know this community, and, uh, I want what's best for us.
So, thank you.
She's a woman! Ignore the woman! Thank you.
Astaghfillurallah.
I demand a recount! Look, I counted the ballots three times, and without a doubt, Rayyan won by two votes.
You hear that? My daughter's a winner! The first woman to be elected to the Mercy Mosque board.
This is terrible! I should have won easily with all of the men's votes.
I was so confident in your victory I didn't even bother to vote.
Neither did I.
Ah.
I am beginning to see the problem.
Baber: I'm terribly sorry, Brother Suhail.
You are terribly everything.
I cannot believe your board allows elections.
Well, it's the fair way to do it.
Which is exactly the problem with it! Elections should be forbidden! Forbidden! Why didn't I think of that.
Excellent stitching, Sarah.
Really? You think so? I- I've been working on my stitching and I thought, wow, that looks like some good stitching, but to hear you say it, I mean, thank you.
What is wrong with you? This group is very important to me, okay? So, just watch what you say.
You have nothing to worry about.
Ow! Saint Kevin in his cave, that stings! Ugh, what a hateful hobby.
I mean, um, mmm, what fun.
Good times.
Yeah.
Are you an avid quilter, Reverend? Well, wouldn't say avid, but, uh no.
What gave it away? You've sewn the panel to your jacket.
Oh Ha-ha! So I have.
Yes.
Delightful.
Did anyone see Mrs.
Jones' new hat? - No - Did I? It's like a bird sat on her head - and built a nest.
- Reverend! - No, that's not what I meant! - No, you said it! It's like there's a cake on top of her head! - Cake! - It's better than Mrs.
Douglas' new shawl.
Woman: Was that a shawl? I thought she was wearing the carpet.
Thorne: I didn't even know it was Mrs.
Douglas.
I thought someone had built a tent in my back pew.
Reverend, you are a breath of fresh air! Does anyone want to see my stitching? Thorne: Uh, not really.
Mmm.
Silence! We are reading.
I can see that, but I need to do some work for the IAl.
Well, we won't keep you.
Is that the mosque constitution? I am reacquainting myself with the wisdom of our founding fathers who drew up this document when they created this great institution.
Didn't you and a bunch of guys just write that up six years ago? Like I said, "wise founding fathers".
And Faisal.
Okay, why are you reading it now? We are looking for a clause that forbids elections.
- Baber: Ah-ha! - Ah-ha! "No one may be elected to the board " - I'm in! - " who does not reside in Mercy.
" I'm out.
Tsk.
He will be missed.
Great, now, if we're done here We are not.
You won't go? Oh, I will, to tell Rayyan that she cannot be a member of the board.
Baber, everybody knows Rayyan is a resident of Mercy.
Yes, but she is also a woman, and this clause says that only men can be members of the board.
I am a wise founding father.
No, no, it's lovely.
And it takes a certain confidence to wear a broach that you can see from outer space.
Woman: This has been wonderful.
I am so glad that you have gotten into the spirit of our little stitch and bitch.
Mrs.
Harper, are you thinking what I'm thinking? I think so.
Is it about Mrs.
Drone's unibrow? No, it's not about the caterpillar.
Oh-h! We are finishing a very big project and we have one more panel to sew - for this project.
- You don't have to say anything else.
- Thank you so mu - Reverend, would you like to sew the final panel in our centennial quilt? Him? What about me? Yeah, what about Sarah? Sarah doesn't mind.
Do you? Well, my stitches! Good, it's settled.
- Enjoy your panel, Reverend.
- Oh! That is, unless you're too busy drowning in cheap aftershave.
Yeah, I'll drown you I'm surprised you can smell it over the stench of the discount potpourri in your purse! Wow! Those women are tough, mean, and have tongues that cut like razors.
I know! I love them! I've finally found people I belong with.
My people.
And it's all thanks to you.
Good for you.
There you are.
There is something that, um, I have to tell you.
Oh.
I hope it's the time of the next board meeting 'cause no one sent me a schedule yet.
Here is your schedule: never.
I don't ever want you coming by the mosque board ever.
I know you don't, but I was elected.
It is not allowed.
It says so in the mosque constitution.
Women may not be members of the board.
But that's unfair.
It's unjust.
That's unfortunate.
Men rule.
Amaar would never stand for this.
He would not allow such a clearly sexist policy in his mosque.
Amaar: It's not my mosque.
It's the community's.
But you're the imam.
It's your job.
To uphold the wishes of the community, and the community drew up this constitution.
I'm sorry, Rayyan.
You cannot be a member of the board.
I can't believe this.
- Salaam alaikum.
- Walaikum assalaam.
Hey! You might remember me as the imam who said you couldn't be on the board.
Oh, yes! Now I recognize you.
Rayyan, I'm I'm really sorry.
It's just that those are - the board's rules.
- Right.
And rules are rules.
They can never change.
Yes rules can change, but it's not my job to dictate change to the mosque.
It's my job to explain Allah's rules to them and their rules to each other, even if the rules aren't what I personally believe in.
Well, that's pretty convenient.
- You're mad.
- No, I'm not mad.
- You're not? - No.
You're the imam.
You can do whatever you like.
Oh-kay.
- You sound mad.
- No, I just I didn't know that you were so conservative.
Follow every rule no matter what.
But now that I do now that I do, I'm preparing to be the perfect type of wife for you.
Okay, you're definitely mad.
No, I'm not mad.
Whoa, what are you doing? I'm sitting down.
With a woman in a public place? Is that suddenly a problem? Well, an imam as conservative as you shouldn't be seen gallivanting with an unmarried woman.
You know I'm not a conservative.
And who's gallivanting? You're my fianc¨¦e.
If you'll excuse me, As a modest Muslim woman, I should go and spare us both further disgrace.
Yep, she's definitely mad.
Thorne: Thank you.
See you next week.
- Oh! - Ladies! You came to my service.
That was quite the sermon, Reverend.
- Well - Especially for a know-it-all blowhard like you.
Ladies, is that any way to talk about a man of God? Gotcha.
Now, look, here's the thing.
I, uh, I-I love your little group.
And we're so very fond of you too.
Well But, uh, about my part of the quilt.
I've been thinking and I'm not really sure about the Ladies.
- Reverend.
- Hi.
What, uh what was that? Water under the bridge.
- Ah.
- A few years ago, we offered Wispinski a chance to do a panel in our quilt.
She said she'd do it, and at the last minute - she turned us down.
- Oh! - Us! - I see.
When someone takes an honour like that and then throws it back in your face? Well, I'm sure she didn't mean It's too much.
And that's why she's dead to us.
So, what was it that you wanted to talk to us about? Uh, uh, nothing.
No, nothing! No.
Now, if you'll excuse me, I have some quilting to do.
- Get out of here, - Yes, you do.
- you troublemakers.
- Come along, ladies! Thorne: Go on, go on.
Giddy up! Hah! Thorne: Amaar, quick question.
How do I tell a group of women something they won't want to hear without making them angry? If I knew the answer to that, I wouldn't be in trouble with Rayyan.
Oh.
The board? Yeah, the board.
Ah, you're making too big of a deal of that.
- Am I? - Yeah.
Wow.
Thanks for that.
I don't know why I was so worried.
No, look, Rayyan just wants to feel involved.
So being a board member didn't work out.
Just, you know, find something else for her to help with.
Well, I guess that's worth a try.
Amaar, I do sometimes know the right thing to do.
Then why don't you do it? I'm working on it.
Now, look, I need your help on a much bigger problem here.
Well uh Okay.
Shoot.
Well, I like the ladies in my quilting circle, but I can't abide quilting.
How do I break it to them? How is that a bigger problem than me fighting with my fianc¨¦e? Easy.
It's about me.
Salaam alaikum, Rayyan.
Walaikum assalaam.
Uh, glad I ran into you.
Uh, I could use your help with something.
- Oh, really? - Yeah, something to do with the mosque.
- Something important? - Well, you could consider every little detail important.
Well, okay then.
What do you think, uh robin's egg blue or goldenrod? This is what you want my help with? Picking flyer colours? - I know - That is so insulting.
After I was legitimately elected to the board.
In violation of mosque rules.
- Well, those rules need to change.
- Yes, but there are rules on how to change rules.
You're unbelievable.
I'm the imam, Rayyan, and I have to do my job whether I'm popular or not.
Well, you're not.
You're so very not.
Sarah! Quilting away, I see.
Not that it matters, since there's no room on the centennial quilt anymore.
Right.
Sorry about that.
Very sorry, as it turns out.
Well, it's not your fault.
It was just nice to be part of something, especially with Yasir gone.
Mmm.
Hey, what if there was a way I could help you be a part of the quilt after all? So, you're going to back out and give your spot to me? No! Of course not.
The ladies would hate me.
Then what? Well, I was thinking that maybe you could make my panel for me.
See, that way y-you'd be a part of the quilt and I'd get all the credit and adulation.
Well, that sounds like a good deal.
- Really? - Of course not! Do it yourself! Oh, but I'm really bad at it.
And I hate doing things I'm not immediately good at.
One of my favourite qualities about myself.
This is a community quilt.
It's supposed to represent the people who made it.
It's going to reflect you.
You've got to do it.
There's no other option? Unless you can find someone to do it who knows you as well as you know yourself.
Hmm Amaar.
Just in time for our board meeting.
Well, I'm sorry, Baber, gentlemen, we can't have a meeting without a quorum and we can't have a quorum without a new board member.
Ah, but we have a new board member.
- Yousef.
- Yousef.
Yousef on board.
Not board but board.
Well, I, uh, guess we can do it.
Yes, an all-male board just as it says in the rules, which were made by an all-male board.
True, gentlemen, the board does make all the rules, so perhaps it's time to review them.
Look at this.
Dignified, classic.
Exactly what I would make.
If you weren't a terrible quilter - with no depth perception.
- Exactly.
No, I owe you a first-class night out, making you waste your day on a hateful pastime that only an imbecile could enjoy.
I love sewing.
Yes, well who wouldn't.
I mean, sure, it seems monotonous, painful, soul-destroying, but Well, what do you get in the end? A glorified blanket! Yes? I mean, you can't get that at Wal-Mart for 19.
99.
Don't you think it's a little more than that? No.
Do you? Not really, but I think she does.
Who? Oh.
How much did she hear? Enough.
You heard the bit about the imbecile? I heard it all.
- Oh.
- And Reverend, if that is the way you really feel, not to worry.
You're never welcome in our group again! Rayyan, we've got to talk.
What are you doing? Oh, I thought a conservative Muslim man like you would be more comfortable if I was three steps behind.
Should I avert my eyes as well? Rayyan, this has got to stop.
Okay, whatever you say.
You're the man.
Look, you cannot get upset every time I do what's required of me, even if you disagree.
I cannot have my board members - behaving this way.
- Well, you know, honestly, I've really been trying to Wait.
Did you say board member? That's right.
You were elected fair and square.
- But the rule - Has changed.
The board passed a new rule by one vote.
Yousef broke the tie.
Enough men had thought that what happened to you was unfair that we squeaked by with a change.
So now women are allowed on the board.
I'm sure somebody made a pretty good speech to help them change their minds.
Well, I may have said a word or two.
I'm impressed.
I'm just doing my job, ma'am.
Now, you wanted to see some changes at the mosque, so if you want to talk about those in my office Oh, I don't think we should be alone together.
Come on, Rayyan, you know I said there's nothing wrong with us talking together.
There is when I feel as strongly about you as I do right now.
Well, now that Reverend Sour Puss has bit the dust, I suppose we will have to let your panel back in the quilt after all, Sarah.
So I'm just your back-up choice? Because I'm okay with that.
Don't worry, I'll go.
I just I just wanted to drop this off.
It's, um it's a dove.
Well, anyway, uh, I-I just wanted to say I'm sorry for what I said earlier.
But it's true, I don't like quilting yet.
But I love all of you.
And I know, given time, that I could learn to love quilting too.
No? I I'll just go.
Oh, get back in here.
Yeah? I'm back in the group? Ah, that's wonderful! What about my panel, hmm? Is it back in the quilt? Are you kidding? Sarah's panel is beautiful.
This looks like it was made by a near-sighted four-year-old.
Ah, it's good to be back.
Subtitle by: Kiasuseven