Search Party (2016) s05e09 Episode Script

1 - [SNARLING.]
- [SCREAMING.]
[DRAMATIC MUSIC.]
- Winnie, what are you doing? - Leave Helen alone! - Get - Shit! - Get off her! - Get off her, get off her! Get off of her! Jesus Christ! Now! Now! - [SNARLS.]
- [SCREAMS.]
[ALL SHOUTING INDISTINCTLY.]
- Oh, my God! - Oh, my God! Oh, my God, I'm going to die! [SCREAMING.]
[WHIMPERS.]
[GASPS.]
[GROWLS.]
Oh, thank God.
She's completely lost her mind, I mean what are you doing? Oh, but, dear, the sky is low, watch - All right.
- Everybody, back in the van.
- Come on, come on.
- Just step in.
- Is there a minute I can - [INDISTINCT CHATTER.]
Your energy is a little bit hostile.
- If you could just - Watch your head.
- Heard it, like an animal - So scary! I hope Winnie's okay.
I'm pretty sure that she has the flu.
I'll have you step up in, please.
- Hey! Don't push me! - Don't push him! - [INDISTINCT CHATTER.]
- Don't push me! - All right.
- Is this all of you? - Yeah.
- Yes, sir.
Where is your queen? We don't know, officer.
Oh! We got the crazy one detained in our car.
They say she ate two old people, but we can't find any trace of the bodies anywhere.
I think they're all fucking nuts.
Well, let's head back to the city.
Follow us.
Welcome aboard the Tunnel Access 99.
The door is closing.
Officer Brentline and Officer Sweetapple, it feels like you want to go to New York City Police precinct number 13.
Did I get that right? - Yes.
- Sorry, you need to speak up.
- Can you please repeat? - Yes! Please, speak confidently, so we register your answer.
- Yes! - Jesus Christ! Fucking beta-version bullshit.
I heard everybody on the force who got one was bitching about it.
- [SNARLS.]
- Shut up back there! [QUIET GROWLING.]
[SOMBER MUSIC.]
I don't want to go to jail.
I think jail would be quite joyful.
- But I just got reborn.
- I want to go out.
Elliott, where the hell are Dory and Drew? BOTH: When the moon is in the Seventh House And Jupiter aligns with Mars Drew, I love your singing voice! - Thank you! - I do, too! I've always wanted to pursue it.
I goof around with it because I've been too afraid to, you know, lean in.
Well, once we give these pills to people and the world is finally at peace, you can spend the rest of your days singing! That is so true! - And you know why? - Why? - Because - BOTH: This is the dawning Of the age of Aquarius The age of Aquarius Aquarius Aquarius - [SHRIEKING.]
- [GASPS.]
- What's wrong? - Do you want to explain this? Are these birds evil? Hello? - Okay.
- I'm sorry, Liquorice.
Once again, I don't know why you're mad at me.
"Jack Hallwood feeds birds at the age of 93.
" - Does that not alarm you at all? - Lower your voice.
Sometimes it just takes me a second to catch up to your wisdom.
Jack Hallwood, son of Chantal Witherbottom and John Hallwood.
What does this mean? - It means you're a slut! - Okay.
Okay, so you're saying that this 93-year-old man is my son with that child? The point is you cheated on me! - No, I didn't, I swear.
- Not yet, at least.
But you will and this proves it! - Okay, you know what? - I will not apologize for something I have not done.
Do you understand what I'm talking about here, Chantal? The end of the world is just one condom away.
- Okay, I will wear a condom.
- Is that what you want to hear? - It's too late for that.
- Do you know what's coming? Cannibals! Flames! Total annihilation! Ah! [GRUNTING.]
- [GROANING.]
- [SIGHS.]
- You're faking it.
- Ah! Okay, I am not falling for it.
[SCOFFS.]
If you think I'm calling an ambulance, you've got another thing coming.
[GROANS.]
[LAUGHS.]
Baloney.
[SIGHS.]
You don't think it was the pill that made Winnie sick, do you? - What? - [SCOFFS.]
No, El.
That would be, like an extreme reaction, wouldn't it? Well, this is what happens when things go untested.
- [METALLIC THUD.]
- Oh! - What the hell was that? - [THUDDING CONTINUES.]
- Oh, my God.
- Aah! Officers, I think there's something wrong with the car.
Oh, something's loose and flapping around up there.
- All right, all right.
- I'll pull over.
[GROWLS.]
Hey, we've gotta pull over for a second to check some shit.
- Copy.
- Pull over.
A pullover is a garment worn on the top half of the body.
Do you accept this definition? - I accept.
- Pull over the car.
- Pulling over.
- Thank you.
[MUFFLED COUNTRY MUSIC.]
- Oh, my God! - Oh! Oh, my God What the hell? Okay - Ooh! - [ALL SCREAMING.]
- What's going on? - Mike! - Ow! - Ow! - Ah! - [SHRILL SHRIEKING.]
[ALL SCREAMING.]
I think there's, like, a hawk or a condor up there! [DISTANT SCREAMING.]
- Oh, holy shit.
- What is that? It's a lady? It's it's a lady eating them! [ALL SHRIEKING.]
[SCREAMING.]
- Open door! - I'm sorry.
Please speak with resolve.
We didn't get that.
- Open door! - Open door! Open door policy is a term used to refer to when a supervisor leaves their office door open in order to encourage transparency within the company's community.
- Do you accept this as a - No! No! Open the door! - You said, "Open door.
" - [SCREAMING.]
Oh.
Ooh.
Oh! [SCREAMS.]
Is that Helen? [ALL SCREAMING.]
- Oh, good Lord! - Oh! It's so freaky! Kick the door open! [ALL SCREAMING.]
[ALL SHOUTING INDSTINCTLY.]
Go, go, go! [ALL SHRIEKING.]
We're closed.
It's all broken! [PANICKED CHATTER.]
[GROWLS.]
[PANICKED CHATTER CONTINUES.]
Open up that door! - Open this door! - Oh! [ALL SCREAMING AND PLEADING.]
[SHRIEKING.]
Go, go, go, go, go! [BOTH SNARLING.]
[ALL SCREAMING.]
[PANICKED CHATTER.]
Dory, there's hundreds of people camped outside of Lyte Headquarters, like, grieving you.
- What? - Look.
ALL: Enlightenment, enlightenment It's coming and it's coming And it's coming right now Enlightenment, enlightenment They still believe in the cause.
Then that's who should get it first.
We go there, and we distribute what we have, and the whole world will change.
How's that grilled cheese, sugar? - Oh, my God.
- It is so, so good.
Like, what did we do to deserve grilled cheese? [LAUGHTER.]
- Okay.
- You sound like me.
It is scrumdiddly-dum-dumcious, though.
[LAUGHS.]
[ALL SNARLING.]
They're going to break the fucking glass! - They can't.
- It's bulletproof.
- Why would it be bulletproof? - Because I'm mafia.
Might as well say it.
- What is going on? - What is happening? Look at Helen! She looks sick just like Winnie.
- Okay, okay, everyone.
- Okay, everyone.
Don't be mad at me! But last night, I switched the enlightenment jelly beans for real jelly beans, and I think I accidentally left some of the enlightenment jelly beans in there, and that's what Winnie must have taken.
And it turned her into that thing? I mean, unless she has a crazy period or something, I don't know.
Wait, so I'm not enlightened? I mean, you could be, sweetie, but it's probably just from your own inner work.
- Oh, my God! - Marty, you're bleeding.
- Oh, gosh.
- [GAGS.]
I guess I'll need a Band-Aid, right? [TENSE MUSIC.]
- No! - Shit, shit, shit! - We have to isolate him! - Why? Marty, have you been paying attention? Because you've bitten, and you're gonna turn into a zombie.
- Just get out! - Can't you kill him? Aren't you mafia or something? My role is more like the gossip.
- Okay, a zombie? - Okay, you guys sound insane.
That's so clearly not what's happening right now.
Like, I've seen this all the time at music festivals.
They're just dehydrated.
[SNARLING.]
- [ALL SCREAMING.]
- Oh, my God! You're gonna clean that up.
[INDISTINCT CHATTER.]
- Oh, my God! - Oh, my God! Oh, my God! Oh, my God! [WAILING.]
- Hey, everyone.
- In here, serious, quiet! [HISSING.]
911, what's your emergency? - Zombies.
- Oh, my God.
Excuse me, did you for real just say zombies? Uh-huh.
What happened to Elodie and Leonora? [BREATHING SHAKILY.]
[SNARLING.]
[VIDEO GAMES CHIMING.]
What was that? - [SNARLS.]
- [PANICKED GASPING.]
He's in here.
The police will be here any minute.
It's going to be okay.
We'll be saved.
I'm really glad I didn't get emotionally attached to anyone who has thus far turned into a zombie.
- Oh, my God.
- What? I just realized something that's actually - kind of really very bad.
- What? So Winnie ate the jelly bean and turned into a zombie.
Yeah.
Dory has the rest of the jelly beans.
Yeah? Didn't she say she was gonna pass them out to as many people as she possibly could? Oh, God.
That would be, like, really bad, right? What if that's what Drew and Dory are doing right now? - We have to do something.
- But I don't want to.
I don't want to either, but I think that this thing is, like, actually spreading really fucking fast.
She's right.
The R-Naught on this thing is disastrous, and I don't want to do the math, but the aggressive nature of this is likely to significantly reduce the population.
Oh, God.
We have to stop it.
- You're right.
- Are y'all psycho? You can do whatever you want, but I'm going to stay right here until the authorities come and fix everything.
I'll come with you.
I feel really bad that I created this formula.
[TENSE MUSIC.]
[DISTANT SNARLING.]
Follow me.
- [HISSES.]
- [GASPS.]
Go back in.
Go back, go back, go back, go back.
We'll go in the go-karts and ride those back to Brooklyn.
The only problem is that the go-karts are on the other side of this place.
- Okay, okay.
- You ready? You ready? - We've got this.
- Yes.
Yes.
- You people are nuts.
- There are literal zombies.
Let the people with the proper training handle the situation.
You're going to get yourselves killed.
- Shh! - Pepper, stop.
Oh, God, oh, God, oh, God, oh, God.
[MOUTHING INAUDIBLY.]
[WHISPERING.]
Go.
I want to get out of here.
I think they're gone.
- I'll check.
- Be careful.
[BALLS RATTLING.]
- Yeah, okay, let's go.
- Get up.
- [GASPS.]
- [GROWLS.]
[BOTH SCREAMING.]
- [SNARLING.]
- [SCREAMING.]
Okay.
They're going to be here any second now.
No need to be scared.
[DOOR THUMPS.]
[WHIMPERS.]
[DOOR RATTLING.]
This can't be the right way.
Why would there be an exit in the laser tag? Okay, I squatted in the laser tag for a week shortly after coming out, just trust me.
- Oh, my God! Oh, my God! - Portia, shh.
- There's a zombie in here.
- Shh right now, shh.
Be quiet, Portia.
- [GASPS.]
- What? - It's okay.
- It's nothing, it's nothing.
- Oh, my God.
- It's nothing, just Okay.
Okay, okay.
Okay, there's an exit.
- [ROARING.]
- [SCREAMS.]
- [SCREAMS.]
- [PANICKED CHATTER.]
- Oh, my God, oh, my God! - [SCREAMING.]
Oh, no! Get off of my fucking friend! [SCREAMS.]
- Oh, my God! - Get the - Shit! - Close the door! [PANICKED CHATTER.]
- Go, get it, go! - They're coming! Babe, babe, babe, babe, babe! - Oh, no.
- Oh, my God, no! - Come on! - Drive! Oh, my God, make it go! Make it go! - I don't know how! - I don't know how! No! No! No! No! - Oh, my God! - Push the gas! [BOTH SHOUTING.]
Make it go, God damn it! - No! - Please! Please! Close doors! Close doors! Please speak with a kinder tone.
Close doors, please! [SNARLING.]
- We're going to die! - Okay, I got it! - [SCREAMS.]
- Whoo-hoo! - Oh, my God, go! - Go! Come on, come on, come on! - Oh, no! - It still doesn't go! Come on! [BOTH SCREAMING.]
- Oh, my God! - Go faster! - Oh, my God! - Whoo! The midtown women's morgue in Manhattan has been quarantined this morning due to an unnamed contagious outbreak.
The building has been sealed, and the block evacuated as authorities attempt to contain the spread.
Details about the disease are being withheld, for the time being, so please make sure to stay clear of that area.
- Oh, no, scary.
- Yeah.
It'll be fine.
It seems like they have it under control.
- Yeah.
Thank you.
- You're welcome.
- This was incredible.
- [CHUCKLES.]
Hi, are you Mrs.
Liquorice Montague? - I am, yeah.
- Hi.
I'm Dr.
Amanda Baby.
I'm so sorry, but your wife she passed.
Mm What was wrong with her? Well, she just kind of had every awful thing you can have: scabies, mites, tapeworms, heartworms, hookworms, roundworms, fleas, ticks, bedbugs, body lice.
They just kind of ate away at her from all sides, and then, of course, they ate each other.
But that's not possible.
- We shower with iron pellets.
- Mm.
I'm going to write you a prescription for an antibiotic because there is no way you haven't been exposed to something.
And can you please not sit on any of the other chairs? We'll have to burn that one.
Oh, before she choked on her last breath, she asked me to give you this.
I want to say she said it was a letter from the future.
Are you from the future? Am I from the future? No, sweetie.
I'm from right now.
You can pay up front.
[TENSE MUSIC.]
Okay, Drew and Dory are probably headed to Lyte Headquarters.
Put it in! Are we even going to be able to make it that far? Honestly, I do not know how this thing is still going! - Oh, my God.
- Look! - Wow.
- Aw, how beautiful.
My God.
Hey! - It's her, it's her! - [EXCITED INDISTINCT CHATTER.]
She has risen! She has risen! [ECSTATIC CHEERING.]
- I'm alive! - I'm alive! [CHEERING.]
- Let her speak! - Let her speak! Today is a good day! [ALL CHEERING.]
Because today is the day that humanity's true nature is revealed.
[ALL CHEERING.]
I bring you the pills.
[RAUCOUS CHEERS AND APPLAUSE.]
Are you ready? [CHEERING GETS LOUDER.]
I said, are you ready? [CHEERS AND APPLAUSE.]
Oh, God! - Oh, come on! - Shit! Come on! - Shit! - Oh! - Oh, my God! - Oh, my God! Oh, my God! Babe, it's Dory! - Perfect timing.
- Oh, my God! She has the beans! She has the beans! Oh, my God, we have to get out and stop her right now! - Dory! - Dory! [CHEERS AND APPLAUSE.]
- Yeah! - Open your hands! Open your mouths, and open your hearts! [CHEERFUL MUSIC.]
[CROWD CHEERING RAPTUROUSLY.]
- Dory! - Stop! Stop! - Dory, stop! - Dory! Let's have a good time Everybody, you know we gonna dance, whoa I say hey Get it right Good people having good time I say hey get it right Good people having good time You know it's okay Do what you want to, do it all day Yeah, you know that I'm gonna All right, good times Hey, hey, show a lot of love Be all about it Take it every day Got to get it I'll shout it, all right Good times, good times, good times, hey, hey Hands up high We'll get down low Won't go back Just let it go Whoa, whoa Off the top, hey, that's our song Know we're gonna dance all night long