Space Ghost Coast to Coast (1993) s05e09 Episode Script
Pal Joey
Ahem!
Greetings, citizen, and welcome to my show.
Well, thanks for having me here, Space Ghost.
Please identify yourself to the universe.
Please identify yourself to the universe.
My name is Michael Moore, and, um, I'm-- I'm really nobody.
Ha ha ha! That can't be true.
I wouldn't have nobody on my show.
Hey, can we stop for a second?
Well, of course.
Ok.
You're not actually Space Ghost, are you?
I wasn't prepared for-- I thought it
was actually going to be the character.
Yes, sir.
You're like a really bad reader that's reading the script.
Well, actually, I'm an intern,
and-- former intern! I thought I to--
you better run, Joey!
Moltar!
Uh, I wasn't ready.
Uh! I'll do it again.
Time?
4.2.
Uh!
Time?
Um, 3.9.
Again!
Time.
Oh! 5.8.
Oh. One more. Once more.
The guest is waiting. Let him wait!
I need to get that time down to 3.5
by 6:00 Sunday, or I'm a dead man!
Oh, did I say 5.8? I meant2.3.
Yes! I'm saved!
Nice going, sir. Congratulations.
Moltar, didn't I order you to revoke Joey's security clearance?
Get off my back. I'm not your slave.
Yes, you are.
I am? Uh, well, what was I supposed to do?
I am? Uh, well, what was I supposed to do?
Never mind. It's too late.
The one they call Joey walks among us.
He just wants a job.
That's just what he wants you to think.
Well, it's working. Ha ha.
Moltar, send in my first guest.
Hi, Mike. Uh, sorry about all the trouble before.
That punk was supposed to be banned from the premises.
No, no, it's ok. You're fine.
It just threw me. That's all.
If you just want to go back to bed, I'll understand.
That's ok. We can start again.
From the top? Yes.
Stop tape.
Uh, Space Ghost, uh, I think you might-- and roll tape.
Ladies and gentlemen, please welcome Michael Moore!
Thanks for having me here.
It's, uh, it's really great.
So, Mike, have you ever actually watched my show?
Yeah, yeah. Really?
All the time. Every week, in fact.
You're kidding.
Of course I'm kidding. Ha ha ha!
I've never seen this show.
What part do you like best?
No, no. You're not listening, Space Ghost.
I've never seen this show.
Do you prefer the comedy or the interviews or both?
No, Space Ghost. Hello? Hello!
I've seen all your stuff, too.
Ok, give me an example.
Give you an example.
Yeah. Ok.
Now?
Yes, Space Ghost.
Do I have to?
All right. Uh, I remember you were there Mm-hmm.
And you were talking to the man Uh-huh.
The man-- what was it--Rambo.
No. No.
And there were these things--
things? You haven't seen any of my stuff, Space Ghost.
Seen all of it.
Oh, yeah, you know-- Excuse me, zorakSir.
Ehh Down here. Did you get a chance
to read those scripts that I sent you?
No! Go away.
I'll just leave my resume here for you.
Get out of here!
Joey! Uhh!
Aah!
Zorak, how are you doing over there?
I'm bleeding.
He's fine, Mike.
Moltar is over there.
Hey, how are you doing, Moltar?
I'm being exploited.
He's fine, too, Mike. Now tell me more about Texas.
Space Ghost is a monster.
You should really blow the cover off this rat hole.
Moltar! Help me!
Moltar, Michael doesn't want to hear
about your silly personal problems.
He's much more interested
in doing one of his irreverent docu-comedies about me.
Right, Mike?
What am I supposed to do?
Am I supposed to follow you around
or find out who your corporate owners are?
Sure, follow me around. What do I care?
So who are your corporate owners, Space Ghost?
It's complicated, but basically, I belong to God.
It's complicated, but basically, I belong to God.
Ohh.
That's right, Mike. God owns me.
He speaks to me through his subsidiary time-Warner.
Yes, you know, they own Roger & me.
Uh, Roger and i, Mike.
Yes, so we're sort of like corporate brethren here.
Roger's your brother.
Ooh, I get it.
Let's say hi to all our friends at time-Warner.
Hello, friends.
I love beans?
You know, that song means so much to me.
Well, you know, I wrote that song while I was eating some beans.
That's awesome.
So, Michael, what do you think of the ghost planet?
It's--it's, uh I've been in worse places.
Name one.
Well, it's a kids' show, isn't it?
Well, it's a kids' show, isn't it?
Actually, no.
My audience is comprised largely of retired naval officers.
Ahoy, gentlemen. I salute you.
Mike, have you ever been to the caspian sea?
No.
Some people think it's a lake, but they're so wrong.
It's a lake!
It's a sea!
It's a lake! It's a sea!
What, you been there?
It's a sea, Mike.
Uh-huh.
And where are you actually put together, Space Ghost?
Like, who draws you?
Oh, a bunch of guys.
A bunch of guys? Where at?
Uh, some kids do it somewhere. I'm not sure.
Yeah, it probably-- is this animation done in the United States?
Yeah, I think so. Is that part of Korea?
No.
They don't make much money. I know that. Ha ha ha!
Hey, Moltar?
What are you doing here?
Would you mind if I just stood over here and watched you work?
All right, but stay out of my way!
I can't be distracted.
What's the budget on this show, anyways?
Not much, I'll tell you that. Want to know why?
I'll let you in on a little secret, Mike.
I don't pay anybody!
My staff here, they work for free!
Oh, really?
Yeah. My overhead for this show is virtually nothing,
yeah. My overhead for this show is virtually nothing,
except for an occasional-- listen, I'm going to take a nap.
You stay here, and if anything goes wrong, run and get me.
Oh, you bet! You can count on me, sir.
You just-- don't touch anything!
Thank you!
Well, yeah, I guess I'd like to find out
who put you up to this, who controls you,
and basically, you know,
how you're treating your employees here.
Oh, they're enslaved.
Hmm. Ok.
Oh, it's not the kind you're thinking of.
This is the good kind.
Lies! All of it!
The bandleader over here isn't so sure about that.
Space Ghost! What, zorak?
I need a 5-minute break.
No breaks. Get back to work!
Then I'll need a spit trough.
Sorry. We're over budget as it is.
My 6-week "humor on the rhine" junket nearly busted us.
And how about a piano bench?
I've been squatting for 4 years!
Sit down on your own time. I don't pay you to sit.
You don't pay me at all!
You'll get what I give you and like it!
You see, Mike, here in space, we're all equals
Except for Moltar and zorak.
Isn't that great?
Want him to do anything for you, Mike?
Shall he dance for your pleasure?
Dance, mantis!
Dance for Michael's pleasure!
Aah! Hey, my foot! Ow!
Hey!
Hey, Mike, aren't you impressed by
my power over my lowly subordinates?
Oh, come on. They're helping you do this show here.
Oh, come on. They're helping you do this show here.
They're not worth the paper I line their filthy cages with.
You make me sleep in my own debris!
Excuse me.
Aah!
Eh!
You are down on him today.
I'm down on him every day.
He's morally bankrupt.
He's the glue that holds this show together here.
Oh, please.
The man, he gives and gives and gives for you on this show.
It's best not to make nice with zorak.
He'll eat you faster than a Swiss
blacksmith at a corkboard convention.
I probably look like a month-long meal to him, don't I?
Stay away.
Uh-oh.
We just lost our camera.
What's happening there? Moltar! Moltar!
Joey!
I'm sorry, sir. It'll never happen again.
You got that straight, son.
Take that!
Whoa! What's going on in here?
Joey messed up my show, so I messed up his face.
So I messed up his face.
You didn't use your power bands on him, did you?
Yeah. Ha ha ha!
Isn't that right, Joey?
Joey?
He doesn't look so good.
I don't know. He looks ok to me.
Big crybaby.
Get rid of him.
You get rid of him.
This could cost me my career.
Way to go, Joey!
Great show, everybody. See you next week.
Ha ha ha!
Greetings, citizen, and welcome to my show.
Well, thanks for having me here, Space Ghost.
Please identify yourself to the universe.
Please identify yourself to the universe.
My name is Michael Moore, and, um, I'm-- I'm really nobody.
Ha ha ha! That can't be true.
I wouldn't have nobody on my show.
Hey, can we stop for a second?
Well, of course.
Ok.
You're not actually Space Ghost, are you?
I wasn't prepared for-- I thought it
was actually going to be the character.
Yes, sir.
You're like a really bad reader that's reading the script.
Well, actually, I'm an intern,
and-- former intern! I thought I to--
you better run, Joey!
Moltar!
Uh, I wasn't ready.
Uh! I'll do it again.
Time?
4.2.
Uh!
Time?
Um, 3.9.
Again!
Time.
Oh! 5.8.
Oh. One more. Once more.
The guest is waiting. Let him wait!
I need to get that time down to 3.5
by 6:00 Sunday, or I'm a dead man!
Oh, did I say 5.8? I meant2.3.
Yes! I'm saved!
Nice going, sir. Congratulations.
Moltar, didn't I order you to revoke Joey's security clearance?
Get off my back. I'm not your slave.
Yes, you are.
I am? Uh, well, what was I supposed to do?
I am? Uh, well, what was I supposed to do?
Never mind. It's too late.
The one they call Joey walks among us.
He just wants a job.
That's just what he wants you to think.
Well, it's working. Ha ha.
Moltar, send in my first guest.
Hi, Mike. Uh, sorry about all the trouble before.
That punk was supposed to be banned from the premises.
No, no, it's ok. You're fine.
It just threw me. That's all.
If you just want to go back to bed, I'll understand.
That's ok. We can start again.
From the top? Yes.
Stop tape.
Uh, Space Ghost, uh, I think you might-- and roll tape.
Ladies and gentlemen, please welcome Michael Moore!
Thanks for having me here.
It's, uh, it's really great.
So, Mike, have you ever actually watched my show?
Yeah, yeah. Really?
All the time. Every week, in fact.
You're kidding.
Of course I'm kidding. Ha ha ha!
I've never seen this show.
What part do you like best?
No, no. You're not listening, Space Ghost.
I've never seen this show.
Do you prefer the comedy or the interviews or both?
No, Space Ghost. Hello? Hello!
I've seen all your stuff, too.
Ok, give me an example.
Give you an example.
Yeah. Ok.
Now?
Yes, Space Ghost.
Do I have to?
All right. Uh, I remember you were there Mm-hmm.
And you were talking to the man Uh-huh.
The man-- what was it--Rambo.
No. No.
And there were these things--
things? You haven't seen any of my stuff, Space Ghost.
Seen all of it.
Oh, yeah, you know-- Excuse me, zorakSir.
Ehh Down here. Did you get a chance
to read those scripts that I sent you?
No! Go away.
I'll just leave my resume here for you.
Get out of here!
Joey! Uhh!
Aah!
Zorak, how are you doing over there?
I'm bleeding.
He's fine, Mike.
Moltar is over there.
Hey, how are you doing, Moltar?
I'm being exploited.
He's fine, too, Mike. Now tell me more about Texas.
Space Ghost is a monster.
You should really blow the cover off this rat hole.
Moltar! Help me!
Moltar, Michael doesn't want to hear
about your silly personal problems.
He's much more interested
in doing one of his irreverent docu-comedies about me.
Right, Mike?
What am I supposed to do?
Am I supposed to follow you around
or find out who your corporate owners are?
Sure, follow me around. What do I care?
So who are your corporate owners, Space Ghost?
It's complicated, but basically, I belong to God.
It's complicated, but basically, I belong to God.
Ohh.
That's right, Mike. God owns me.
He speaks to me through his subsidiary time-Warner.
Yes, you know, they own Roger & me.
Uh, Roger and i, Mike.
Yes, so we're sort of like corporate brethren here.
Roger's your brother.
Ooh, I get it.
Let's say hi to all our friends at time-Warner.
Hello, friends.
I love beans?
You know, that song means so much to me.
Well, you know, I wrote that song while I was eating some beans.
That's awesome.
So, Michael, what do you think of the ghost planet?
It's--it's, uh I've been in worse places.
Name one.
Well, it's a kids' show, isn't it?
Well, it's a kids' show, isn't it?
Actually, no.
My audience is comprised largely of retired naval officers.
Ahoy, gentlemen. I salute you.
Mike, have you ever been to the caspian sea?
No.
Some people think it's a lake, but they're so wrong.
It's a lake!
It's a sea!
It's a lake! It's a sea!
What, you been there?
It's a sea, Mike.
Uh-huh.
And where are you actually put together, Space Ghost?
Like, who draws you?
Oh, a bunch of guys.
A bunch of guys? Where at?
Uh, some kids do it somewhere. I'm not sure.
Yeah, it probably-- is this animation done in the United States?
Yeah, I think so. Is that part of Korea?
No.
They don't make much money. I know that. Ha ha ha!
Hey, Moltar?
What are you doing here?
Would you mind if I just stood over here and watched you work?
All right, but stay out of my way!
I can't be distracted.
What's the budget on this show, anyways?
Not much, I'll tell you that. Want to know why?
I'll let you in on a little secret, Mike.
I don't pay anybody!
My staff here, they work for free!
Oh, really?
Yeah. My overhead for this show is virtually nothing,
yeah. My overhead for this show is virtually nothing,
except for an occasional-- listen, I'm going to take a nap.
You stay here, and if anything goes wrong, run and get me.
Oh, you bet! You can count on me, sir.
You just-- don't touch anything!
Thank you!
Well, yeah, I guess I'd like to find out
who put you up to this, who controls you,
and basically, you know,
how you're treating your employees here.
Oh, they're enslaved.
Hmm. Ok.
Oh, it's not the kind you're thinking of.
This is the good kind.
Lies! All of it!
The bandleader over here isn't so sure about that.
Space Ghost! What, zorak?
I need a 5-minute break.
No breaks. Get back to work!
Then I'll need a spit trough.
Sorry. We're over budget as it is.
My 6-week "humor on the rhine" junket nearly busted us.
And how about a piano bench?
I've been squatting for 4 years!
Sit down on your own time. I don't pay you to sit.
You don't pay me at all!
You'll get what I give you and like it!
You see, Mike, here in space, we're all equals
Except for Moltar and zorak.
Isn't that great?
Want him to do anything for you, Mike?
Shall he dance for your pleasure?
Dance, mantis!
Dance for Michael's pleasure!
Aah! Hey, my foot! Ow!
Hey!
Hey, Mike, aren't you impressed by
my power over my lowly subordinates?
Oh, come on. They're helping you do this show here.
Oh, come on. They're helping you do this show here.
They're not worth the paper I line their filthy cages with.
You make me sleep in my own debris!
Excuse me.
Aah!
Eh!
You are down on him today.
I'm down on him every day.
He's morally bankrupt.
He's the glue that holds this show together here.
Oh, please.
The man, he gives and gives and gives for you on this show.
It's best not to make nice with zorak.
He'll eat you faster than a Swiss
blacksmith at a corkboard convention.
I probably look like a month-long meal to him, don't I?
Stay away.
Uh-oh.
We just lost our camera.
What's happening there? Moltar! Moltar!
Joey!
I'm sorry, sir. It'll never happen again.
You got that straight, son.
Take that!
Whoa! What's going on in here?
Joey messed up my show, so I messed up his face.
So I messed up his face.
You didn't use your power bands on him, did you?
Yeah. Ha ha ha!
Isn't that right, Joey?
Joey?
He doesn't look so good.
I don't know. He looks ok to me.
Big crybaby.
Get rid of him.
You get rid of him.
This could cost me my career.
Way to go, Joey!
Great show, everybody. See you next week.
Ha ha ha!