Star Trek: Deep Space Nine s05e09 Episode Script

Don't you think you might be overpacking? It'll close.
You don't have to take everything at once.
It's not like you're moving to Bajor.
right next door.
I know, but I'm not moving to 1-G-12.
Huh? I found some great quarters over in Section M.
That's all the way on the other side of the Habitat Ring.
Dad, don't get all sentimental on me.
Wait till your son moves out on you.
I don't have a son.
Ha! Hoo-hoo! Go ahead, Jake.
Make jokes.
One day, you'll be standing where I am and believe me, you won't like it any more than I do.
Yeah, maybe, but right now, I'm standing here and I can't wait to spend my first night in my own place.
See? I told you it'd close.
Now, wait, wait.
Let me get this straight.
I can visit any time I want but I have to call first.
You're not available for breakfast or lunch but I can count on one dinner a week.
Yeah, well, some weeks, maybe even two.
Oh.
I have raised a very generous son.
You and Nog moving in together.
I can remember when I didn't even want you talking to him.
Yeah, well, things change.
They sure do.
Come in.
Oh, it's you? Who'd you think it was? Nog.
How could it be Nog? His ship hasn't even docked yet.
I guess I wasn't thinking.
What else is new? Can I help it if I'm excited? My son is coming home.
Root beer? His favorite.
I don't know how to thank you, Brother.
Ten slips of latinum ought to do it.
Do you think he'd mind if I had one for myself? I'd mind.
My own brother drinking root beer.
It's so hu-man.
Mmm and bubbly.
That's him.
That's him.
Come in.
Wrong again.
Constable.
Care for a root beer? No, but you have something I do want.
Whatever it is, I didn't do it.
Don't tell me.
Tell the Federation Grand Jury on Inferna Prime.
Federation Grand Jury? Brother, what have you done now? I haven't done anything.
What do they want to talk to me for? Oh, I think you know.
Odo, I have no idea what this is all about.
Well, then, you'll have eight days to try and guess.
We leave immediately.
"We"? I've been waiting ten years for you to get what you deserve.
Now that the big moment is finally here I wouldn't miss it for anything.
Let's go.
Brother! What? I'll say "Hi" to Nog for you.
Yeah.
So, how much longer till we reach Inferna Prime? Oh, I'd say 191 hours and 17 minutes give or take a day.
In that case, we better find something to occupy our time.
Care for a game of fizzbin? I don't play cards.
I'll teach you.
It's a very simple game.
Let me put it another way.
I don't want to play cards and even if I did, I wouldn't want to play with you.
Afraid you'd lose? You know, Odo, I used to think all your problems stemmed from the fact that you were a changeling.
Isolated from your own kind forced to live among strangers who didn't understand you.
You couldn't eat, you couldn't drink you couldn't sleep, you couldn't make love.
Was it any wonder you had such a bad disposition? But you're not a changeling anymore.
You're one of us.
Life is yours for the taking.
All you have to do is reach out and grab it.
But do you? No.
Because solid or changeling, you're still a miserable self-hating misanthrope.
That's who you are, and that's who you'll always be.
I'm still not playing cards with you.
Fine.
Then we'll just sit here for a week in silence.
What are you reading? Nothing that would interest you.
Don't be so sure.
Quark, give me that.
What are you going to do, arrest me? "He walked towards her, the wooden deck "heaving to and fro beneath his booted feet.
"Her hands moved to the brooch at her throat.
"She unclasped it, and the cloak fell "from her shoulders "her wet skin glistening in the moonlight.
"Lightning flashed and heaven's thunder roared in rhythm with the beating of their hearts.
" All right, enough.
Odo, I take it all back.
You're obviously a lot more complicated than I thought.
If you like that kind of thing I might be interested in selling you my first edition of Vulcan Love Slave.
This is work, not recreation.
Books like this give me an insight into the criminal mind.
It is a well-known fact that a high percentage of homicides are motivated by romantic obsession.
Well, no one gets killed in Vulcan Love Slave but it's still a hell of a read.
Oh, give it up, Quark.
You can annoy me, bait me, question my very existence but in the end, we both know I've won.
Because when all is said and done I'll be heading back to Deep Space 9 and you'll be spending the rest of your life in a Federation penal colony.
I'm not there yet.
Mm-hmm.
Look, Odo, give me a chance.
At least, tell me what the charges are.
I'm afraid I can't do that.
This is a high-security investigation.
I'm not allowed to discuss the specifics with anyone.
Now if you'll excuse me I have some reading to do.
Cadet Nog, reporting for duty, sir.
At ease, Cadet.
All right.
Yes, sir.
Thank you, sir.
I remember my sophomore year.
Field studies, Starbase 137.
When I first got there, I was a little apprehensive but it turned out to be one of the best experiences of my life.
Yes, sir.
Well.
Now, the key to field study is simple.
Keep your eyes and ears open, follow orders and try not to get in the way.
Yes, sir.
Very good, sir.
I won't let you down.
I'd like to say, on a personal note I'm glad you and Jake are going to be roommates.
Yes, sir.
I'm sure the two of you are going to have, uh a lot of fun together.
Yes, sir.
Time permitting, sir.
I mean, if I'm not too busy.
After all, I am here to work.
Don't worry, sir.
I'll look after him for you.
Set a good example.
Keep him out of trouble.
You inspire me with confidence, Cadet.
Dismissed.
How'd it go? I inspire him.
Congratulations.
Now don't let him down.
You can count on me, sir.
Lights! So, what do you think? I think I've died and gone to the Divine Treasury.
After living in cadet barracks for the past year, this is going to be paradise.
Yeah, I know what you mean.
We're on our own now.
No one to tell us what to do.
Well, before we unpack we should call maintenance to clean this place.
They were here yesterday.
Well, if you want something done right you have to do it yourself.
I'll do the clean on the odd-numbered days.
And you'll do it on the even ones.
We're going to clean every day? No, just the odd and even ones.
Look, I'd better start bringing in my things.
I don't want to be up too late unpacking.
So what do you want to do tonight? Dom-jot? Holosuites? I wish I could, but once we eat and unpack it'll be time for bed.
Lights out at 2200.
I haven't gone to bed that early since I was 12.
Go to sleep whenever you want, but don't forget we're hitting the gym at 0430.
The gym? Muscles, Jake.
You know, those things that are supposed to go between your bones and your skin? Yeah, I've heard of them.
Good.
'Cause by the time I'm done with you you'll have some of your very own.
You're doing it again.
Doing what? Smacking your lips.
No, I'm not.
There.
Don't you hear that? The only thing I've heard for the past four days is you complaining.
This whole runabout is alive with annoying little noises.
Listen.
To what? That buzzing noise.
I don't hear a thing.
It started over an hour ago.
If you don't like the noises in here why don't you go into the back? Because it's even colder back there than it is up here.
Quark, leave the temperature controls alone.
I will, when I get it right.
There it is again.
What? That buzzing noise.
Don't you hear it? With all this lip smacking how could I hear anything? Where's it coming from? Inside your head.
Shh! Bzzz I said be quiet! It's coming from here.
It's probably a defective anodyne circuit.
Defective anodyne circuits make a hissing sound.
This is a buzz.
We'd better open up this hatch.
If this is some sort of convoluted plot to escape Stop being so suspicious.
That's odd.
The buzzing's changed pitch.
It's gotten louder, too.
I can hear it now.
What could it be? Let's find out.
Don't tell me.
Let me guess.
It's a bomb.
Next time I tell you I hear something, maybe you'll listen.
Let's hope there is a next time.
I'm going to get a transporter lock on this thing and beam it out of here.
What if it's set to go off if someone tries to transport it? What do you suggest, we wait for it to explode? Fine.
Beam it out but at least try and channel the explosion through the transporter buffer.
I hope this works.
We did it! We're safe.
I wouldn't be so sure about that! Com system's down.
Navigational array's failing.
Environmental controls are badly damaged.
Oh.
We're losing atmosphere.
What now? Now we find someplace to land.
Land? You mean crash.
It's either that or wait for our lungs to explode in the vacuum of space.
Ah! I'm picking up a Class-L planet on long-range scanners.
Barely habitable.
More habitable than this thing's going to be in a few minutes.
How close? Close enough I hope.
If we live through this whoever planted that bomb is going to regret it.
Believe me, you don't want to get anywhere near the Orion Syndicate.
The Orion Syndicate? Is that who the Grand Jury's investigating? I thought you knew.
If I knew you were involved in the Orion Syndicate you'd be on the Defiant right now surrounded by half my deputies.
Let me guess.
You pretended to know more than you did so I'd think I had nothing to hide and say something to incriminate myself.
Something like that.
This is all your fault.
You're the one who's a member of the Orion Syndicate.
I'm not a member.
I just know people who know people who know some other people, and besides Someone adjust the temperature.
It's freezing in here.
Actually it's freezing out there.
Out there? Uh yeah.
Now I remember.
You were apologizing for almost getting us both killed.
Huh! If that's how you remember it you must've hit your head harder than I thought you did.
I guess there's nothing we can do now except send out a distress signal and wait to be rescued.
Good plan, except we lost the com system in the explosion.
That's not good.
Gets worse.
The replicator's been destroyed.
From what I can tell, the local plants are poisonous.
Then I guess we're stuck with field rations.
That's right one package for you one package for me.
The rest I know, I know.
Destroyed in the explosion.
So now what? Now we either freeze to death or starve to death.
Take your pick.
It's about time you woke up.
I thought you were going to sleep all day.
You should stretch a little before you start your workout.
I think I'll pass this morning.
You pass every morning.
You can work out for the both of us.
You don't know what you're missing.
A healthy body, a healthy mind.
Please, Nog, no cliches before breakfast.
Orange juice, extra large.
A healthy way to start the day.
A writer and a poet.
What's this? "Past Prologue.
" What's it doing here? I found it while I was cleaning up.
Really, Jake, is it that hard to keep this place clean? You read my story? What'd you think? "Disposal" is spelled with an "i.
" That's it? That's all you have to say? I didn't really read it for content.
I mostly corrected your spelling and grammar.
You changed my words? Just a few.
A preposition here some punctuation there.
You can't change a writer's words without his permission.
That's sacrilege! All right.
Next time, I'll let you make the changes.
There won't be a next time.
From now on, if you see my stories lying around here don't read them.
Don't even touch them.
Just leave them right where they are.
No problem.
Just put them away when you're not working on them.
Time to hit the shower.
Duty calls.
Remember, start with the lighter weights and work your way up.
Quark, what are you doing back there? You need any help? You want to help? Here.
I thought you were supposed to be repairing the subspace transmitter.
I was.
What's it doing out here? The signal booster's completely shot which means there's no way we can transmit a distress signal through a planetary atmosphere.
I see.
So you tore it out of the wall in frustration.
Actually, I came up with a way to save our lives.
Mm-hmm.
All we have to do is haul this transmitter to higher ground.
More altitude, less atmosphere.
Go high enough, and we might be able to get a signal out.
And how much higher do we have to go? Uh carry the seven take the square root times pi I'd say, uh that high.
I'm ready when you are.
Where'd you find that? In the back.
It's pretty cozy.
Great.
Then I won't need this.
I'll just get a suit for myself.
We can be on our way.
Don't bother.
This is the only one that wasn't destroyed in the explosion.
You mean, there's only one survival suit and you're going to wear it? Finders keepers.
Besides, carrying this transmitter up the mountain should keep you warm.
Here we go.
How can it be so cold when the sun is shining? It isn't much of a sun and this isn't much of a planet.
And you've got a lot of nerve complaining about being cold when you're the one wearing the jacket.
Well, you agreed to take turns.
Under duress.
Oh, I hate this.
If I was still a changeling I could've shape-shifted into a Vorian pterodactyl and flown that damn transmitter to the top of the mountain hours ago.
You're the one who wanted to be a solid.
I never wanted to be a solid.
Oh, please.
I used to see you coming into the bar, watching Morn eat eyeing my customers as they gambled and flirted with the dabo girls wishing you were one of them.
Not to mention your platonic friendship with a certain Bajoran Major.
If that's the kind of psychological insight you dispense with your drinks it's a wonder you have any customers.
Deny it all you want but the fact is, your people gave you what you wanted.
You're one of us now and I can finally sit on a chair and know with absolute certainty that it isn't you.
Quark! Quark! What? Uh if you've damaged that transmitter I'm fine, thank you very much and so is the transmitter.
Here, let me help you up.
No, thanks.
I think I'll just lay here and freeze to death.
All right, all right, you've made your point.
I'll carry the transmitter for a while.
And I get to wear the jacket.
But I get the trousers.
You did a good job today, Nog.
You've an excellent grasp of mechanical engineering.
Ferengis have a natural talent for figures, sir.
So what's your posting tomorrow? Cargo Bay 6 customs inspection.
Ah, well, that could be interesting.
If you're planning on being a customs inspector.
Hey, Nog.
Not again.
When I left this morning, this place was spotless.
Yeah, that was nine hours ago.
You can't keep our quarters clean for one day? A man's got to live and sometimes, living is messy.
But it doesn't have to stay messy! I'm going to the Replimat to get something to eat.
And when I come back I expect to see this place straightened up.
I'm working on a story right now.
I'll do it in the morning.
This isn't a story.
It's computerized dom-jot! Sometimes, when I get stuck, I play dom-jot.
It clears my mind.
Well, while you're at it how about clearing a path to the bedroom? I told you, I'm busy.
Jake, this isn't what we agreed to.
We didn't agree to anything.
You've been shouting orders ever since you moved in here.
I'm not in Starfleet.
Lucky for you.
You wouldn't last a day at the Academy.
You're right.
I'd die of embarrassment wearing those pajamas.
You know, I don't have to take that from an undisciplined jerk like you.
Enjoy your dom-jot.
Where are you going? Anywhere but here! I'll get my things in the morning.
I'll pack them for you.
Don't bother.
You couldn't fold a shirt if your life depended on it.
What's that over there? It's just another stone.
I can't believe it.
I've been walking for three days and I haven't seen a single beetle.
I could really go for a beetle right now any kind of beetle just as long as it had a little meat on it.
There are no beetles, Quark.
A nice slug would do.
There are no slugs, either.
No slugs, no beetles, no worms, no snails.
Nothing but rocks and trees, and we can't eat any of it.
If I collapse from hunger you've got to carry me and the transmitter.
You are not going to collapse.
We're almost to the tree line.
After that, we've only got a few more hours of climbing left before we can set up the transmitter.
A few hours? You mean like three? Uh.
More like six.
I could do six.
Seven might be pushing it, but six I could do.
Come on.
Forget about six hours.
It's more like six days.
Quark Quark! I just want to know how far we're going.
Every step down means an extra step up.
Fine.
Then count to yourself.
I don't want to hear it anymore.
Fine.
Don't talk to me.
It's hard keeping track.
By the time the Grand Jury gets through with you you'll be counting years instead of steps.
You know what's going to make all this worthwhile? What? The look on your face when they let me go.
Ha! Let you go? I don't think so.
And you call yourself a detective.
The Orion Syndicate tried to kill me.
They never kill their own.
They don't need to.
Any one of them would take their own life before testifying against the Syndicate.
Don't you get it? I'm not a suspect.
I'm a witness.
Now you made me lose count.
Thank you.
Now, let me get this straight.
You were never a member of the Orion Syndicate? I hate to disappoint you.
But you must have tried to join.
I don't want to talk about it.
Ah Now, if I remember correctly the Orion Syndicate has a membership fee quite a substantial one and the Ferengi Commerce Authority did seize all your assets.
Oh, it's even worse than that, isn't it? You never could afford to join, could you? All those years of scheming and lying and cheating and you're still too small-time for the Orions.
Well I guess you're not as successful a businessman as you think you are.
Which means you spent the last ten years of your life trying to catch a nobody.
With little success, I might add.
So you tell me which one of us is the bigger failure? Snail juice, extra shells.
Make it a double.
Captain, may I join you? Be my guest.
I wanted to ask you about Nog.
You know, my son? I think I've met him.
Have you noticed anything strange about him lately? He seems fine to me.
He's just more dedicated than when he left.
I've noticed.
A year at the Academy will do that to people.
You think it's the Academy? What else could it be? I was afraid he might be the changeling.
So, while he was asleep, I drew some blood just to make sure.
It's been eight hours.
So far, so good.
Rom, he's still your son.
He's just taking his duties very seriously, that's all.
Nog's moved back in with me, you know.
It's horrible.
He put me on report the other day.
Said my tool kit was untidy.
That's the exact word he used untidy.
Oh, I wouldn't worry about it.
He's just going through a phase, that's all.
I was hoping living with Jake would relax him.
I'm afraid Jake's going through a phase of his own.
I don't know what's so difficult about putting a dirty dish back into the replicator.
Nog says Jake is a slovenly, undisciplined, unfocused writer.
Not an unfair assessment.
You know, I sometimes wish Jake had a little more of Nog's self-discipline.
And I wish Nog had Jake's ability to enjoy himself.
Those two could learn a lot from each other.
If we could only get them in the same room.
Quark, wake up.
We've got a mountain to climb.
Quark.
Quark? Quark? Quark.
Wake up.
Wake up.
Wake, wake, Quark! Stop hitting me! I thought you were dead.
And you saw that as an opportunity to vent years of hostility towards me? Towards me towards me hostility What's wrong? What? I said what's the matter.
I'm deaf.
I'm deaf in my right ear.
I can't hear anything.
Hello.
Hello? Hello? Hello.
Hello.
Hello hello.
Would you stop doing that? You don't understand.
A one-eared Ferengi is only half a man.
We got to get out of here.
My body's shutting down.
It's too cold.
There's not enough to eat.
I'm dying! We both are! We're not dying! Here, here.
You can have the rest of my rations.
These aren't rations.
These are crumbs.
You can't climb a mountain on crumbs.
Fine.
I'll go by myself.
You're going to leave me? What do you want me to do? Stay here and trade insults until we both starve to death? I'd rather take my chances on the mountain.
Whose turn is it to carry the transmitter? Yours.
Figures.
Figures? Figures.
I hate this transmitter, and I hate this mountain and most of all, I hate the Orion Syndicate for stranding us here.
I think we both know who's really to blame.
Don't try and blame this on me, Constable.
It was your job to get me to Inferna Prime safely.
But you never told me the Orion Syndicate was after you.
You never asked.
If I had, would you have told me the truth or would you have lied like you lie about everything? Have I ever told you how much I hate that smug, superior attitude of yours? Have I ever told you how much I hate your endless whining, your pathetic greed your idiotic little schemes? Well, I hate What do you hate? You.
Well, that's fine with me because I hate you, too.
You're nothing but a petty thief.
You're an arrogant prude.
Lecher! Freak.
Fraud! Fascist! Failure! Oh Fascist! Failure! Fascist! Fascist! Quark? What? Are you all right? I'm fine.
I'm not.
My leg is broken.
That should hold it together.
Now we just have to get you on it.
Stop looking at the leg.
You'll pass out again.
Not looking at it doesn't help.
I still know it's there.
I'm the one who should be struggling to stay conscious.
I'm the one who's in excruciating pain.
Speaking of pain, this is probably going to hurt.
Oh Quark there's no way you're going to be able to drag me up that mountain.
Just watch me.
Stop trying to be a hero! You'll get to the top faster if you leave me behind.
Don't you get it? I'm not trying to rescue you.
I'm taking you along as emergency rations.
If you die, I'm going to eat you.
You're joking.
Waste not want not.
Comfortable? Not really.
Join the club.
Higher.
Hold on, Odo! Hold on.
Hold on! Quark.
It's over.
What do you mean, it's over? I can't move.
We'll have to set up the transmitter here.
We're not high enough.
You have to leave me here and go on by yourself.
Don't you understand? I can't do it.
I'm half frozen.
I haven't eaten for days.
My muscles won't work anymore! Odo? Well, say something.
What is there to say? If we stay here we're dead.
I can't go any further.
If Sisko were here, do you think he'd give up? Or Worf, or Dax? They're not here.
That's right.
It's just us.
Give me the transmitter! What for? Just give it to me.
What are you doing? What does it look like? You'll never make it.
Maybe not.
You're trying to embarrass me, aren't you? You're trying to shame me into carrying that thing the rest of the way on my own.
Well, it's not going to work.
You might as well accept the inevitable and die with dignity.
That's what I'm going to do.
I'm just going to lie here and die! My brother will get the bar.
My nephew will be completely corrupted by the Federation and become a Starfleet Captain and my bones will lie here and freeze unsold and unmourned.
Try not to break your other leg while I'm gone.
I'll do my best.
Good luck.
Come in.
Dad.
I thought you were going to call first.
Yeah, well.
Well, we've got a problem.
Well, what's wrong? According to station regulations these quarters require two occupants or more.
I'm afraid you're going to have to move out.
Smaller quarters.
All right, if I have to.
Well, that's the problem.
There are no smaller quarters available.
So, where do I go? I guess back home with me.
You're kidding.
Well, unless we can find you another roommate.
Cadet! Sir, I really must protest.
Cadets don't have that privilege neither do you.
Now I know the two of you are very different people but you're still friends and somehow, some way, you'll make this work.
I don't know.
Neither do I.
Well, I do and I'm your Captain and I'm your father.
And what I say goes.
Good day, gentlemen.
Well place hasn't changed much, has it? I guess not.
Are you going to start cleaning again? No.
I've got to study.
Good, because it'll take a long time to clean up this pig sty.
It's not that bad.
It's bad.
Yeah.
You want to go to the gym? Healthy body, healthy mind.
I have a better idea.
How about a game of dom-jot? I'll let you break.
You're on.
Quark! Quark! Begin recording.
Chief of Security's Log, final entry.
It looks like Quark didn't make it.
Can't say I'm surprised.
You'll find his body farther up the slope.
No doubt he'd want to vacuum desiccate his remains and auction them off.
Not that they're worth much.
As for myself cremate me, stick my ashes in my bucket and shoot me through the wormhole.
I might as well end up where I began.
Or better yet Bashir to Infirmary.
Prepare an IV drip of polynutrient solution.
Aye, sir.
I'm alive.
Yes.
I'm going to see you stay that way.
Quark? We found him on top of the mountain slumped over a subspace transmitter.
You mean he made it? If it wasn't for his signal, we never would have found you.
Looks like he saved both of your lives.
I was afraid you'd say that.
Odo.
Odo! You awake? I am now.
We survived.
We did.
I bet you were surprised.
I actually made it all the way to the top.
Astounded.
You remember back there when I told you I hated you and you told me you hated me? Vividly.
I just wanted you to know I meant every word of it.
So did I.