Tales from the Crypt (1989) s05e09 Episode Script
Creep Course
OOZE WHO HELLO, CREEPS.
I'LL BE WITH YOU IN A MOMENT.
I WAS JUST IN THE MIDDLE OF CRAMMING FOR MY FINAL EXAMS.
BET YOU DIDN'T KNOW YOUR PAL THE CRYPT KEEPER WAS STILL IN SCHOOL.
AS A MATTER OF FACT, I'M AT THE TOP OF MY CLASS AT HORROR-VARD! WHICH BRINGS US TO TONIGHT'S ALL-FRIGHTER.
IT CONCERNS A COUPLE OF COLLEGE KIDS WHO'VE GOT THEIR OWN IDEAS ABOUT HIGHER DEAD-UCATION, IN A BIT OF HACK-EDAMIA I CALL CREEP COURSE.
EGYPTOLOGY LABORATORY CREEP COURSE THE 18th DYNASTY PRODUCED SOME OF THE GREATEST RULERS EVER TO HOLD THE THRONE OF EGYPT.
THESE IMMENSELY POWERFUL PHARAOHS COMMANDED LOYALTY AND FEAR THROUGHOUT AN EMPIRE THAT STRETCHED FROM NUBIA IN THE SOUTH TO THE BORDERS OF NORTHERN SYRIA.
WHICH BRINGS US TO THE LEGEND OF THE PHARAOH RAMSETH, ALSO KNOWN AS "THE MUMMY WHO WOULDN'T DIE.
" IT SEEMS THAT OLD RAMSETH WAS A POSSESSIVE AND JEALOUS SORT OF FELLOW, AND THE OBJECT OF HIS OBSESSION WAS A BEAUTIFUL YOUNG MAIDEN, PRINCESS NEFRA.
UNFORTUNATELY, RAMSETH TOSSED HIS MORTAL COIL BEFORE ACTUALLY CONSUMMATING HIS RELATIONSHIP WITH THE LOVELY NEFRA.
SO, DESPITE HIS NEWLY ACQUIRED STATUS AS AN EMBALMED AND MUMMIFIED CORPSE, HE EMERGED FROM HIS TOMB ON THE ANNIVERSARY OF HIS DEATH AND EACH YEAR AFTER TO SEARCH THE CITY FOR THE PRINCESS NEFRA.
NEEDLESS TO SAY, RAMSETH'S JEALOUS DISPOSITION AND BAD TEMPER HAD NOT IMPROVED IN DEATH, AND THE LOCAL CITIZENS SO FEARED AND DREADED HIS ANNUAL RAMPAGE THAT THEY WERE FORCED TO ARRIVE AT A DRASTIC SOLUTION.
EACH YEAR, A MAIDEN WAS DELIVERED TO RAMSETH'S TOMB, A HUMAN SACRIFICE.
EACH TIME, THE CRAZED OLD MUMMY WOULD EXPECT TO SEE HIS BELOVED NEFRA STANDING BEFORE HIM, AND EACH TIME HE WOULD BE DISAPPOINTED.
EXPLODING IN ANGER, HE VENTED HIS RAGE UPON THE INNOCENT YOUNG WOMAN IN A MANNER REALLY TOO HORRIBLE TO DESCRIBE.
BUT IT KEPT THE OLD BOY OFF THE STREET.
SO, REMEMBER, SCHOLARS, MIDTERM EXAM ON FRIDAY COVERING THE FIRST AND WHAT ARE THOSE KINGDOMS AGAIN MR.
SKULNICK? THE FIRST 3 KINGDOMS-- THOSE WOULD BE WE'RE WAITING, MR.
SKULNICK.
YOU HAVE US ON THE EDGE OF OUR SEATS, AND FEEL FREE TO CONSULT YOUR NOTES OR YOUR PLAY BOOK OR WHATEVER THAT IS YOU HAVE IN FRONT OF YOU.
I THINK ONE IS THE SECOND DYNASTY? KINGDOMS, MR.
SKULNICK, NOT DYNASTIES! THE FIRST 3 KINGDOMS! I DON'T KNOW, SIR.
MISS BISHOP.
WILL YOU PLEASE GIVE MR.
NUMSKULL-- I BEG YOUR PARDON-- MR.
SKULNICK THE ANSWER TO THE QUESTION HE IS STRUGGLING TO RECALL FROM HIS MEMORY OF MUSH? UH, EARLY DYNASTIC OLD KINGDOM, AND, UH, FIRST INTERMEDIATE PERIOD.
DID YOU HEAR THAT, MR.
SKULNICK? ARE YOU LISTENING? DO I AT LONG LAST HAVE YOUR ATTENTION? YES, SIR.
IF YOU FAIL TO PASS THIS TEST, MR.
SKULNICK, YOU WILL BE INELIGIBLE TO PARTICIPATE IN THE ONE ACTIVITY AT WHICH YOU TRULY EXCEL.
AND ALTHOUGH I PERSONALLY RANK FOOTBALL BELOW KEELHAULING AS A CULTURAL EXPERIENCE, I BELIEVE IT HAS SOME IMPORTANCE TO YOU AND YOUR CLASSMATES.
JUST A WORD TO THE WISE, MR.
SKULNICK.
CLASS DISMISSED.
LET ME HELP YOU WITH THAT.
THANK YOU, IT'S FINE.
YOU'RE STELLA, RIGHT? YOUR NAME IS STELLA? YES, IT IS.
REGGIE SKULNICK.
YEAH, I KNOW WHO YOU ARE.
WORKING HARD, I SEE, HUH? IT'S JUST A COUPLE HOURS A DAY.
YOU KNOW, IT'S MORE CONVENIENT WORKING ON CAMPUS THAN OFF, STELLA! AND, UH UH EXCUSE ME.
PROFESSOR FINLEY IS REALLY ON MY CASE, ISN'T HE? I MEAN, HOW DO YOU LIKE THE WAY HE TREATS ME IN CLASS? WELL, IT WASN'T I MEAN, I'VE GOT FEELINGS, TOO.
IT WAS PRETTY EMBARRASSING FOR ME.
YEAH, I COULD SEE THAT.
NOW, STELLA, I'M GONNA FLUNK THAT MIDTERM UNLESS YOU HELP ME.
ME? WILL YOU, STELLA? PLEASE? OH, I DON'T KNOW.
PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE, STELLA.
COME ON, YOU KNOW THE SUBJECT INSIDE AND OUT! IT WOULD MEAN A LOT TO ME.
WELL, I SUPPOSE I COULD HELP YOU STUDY.
THAT'S WHAT I'M REALLY GOOD AT.
I MEAN I-- I'M NOT A BRAIN OR ANYTHING, BUT I DO TAKE EXCELLENT NOTES.
I MEAN, WE--WE COULD GO OVER THEM TOGETHER, IF THAT'S WHAT YOU MEAN.
IS, UH, LATER THIS AFTERNOON OK? YEAH, YEAH.
WELL, WERE SHOULD WE MEET? LET'S MEET IN THE LIBRARY, LET'S SAY, UH, 3:00? OK, YEAH.
OK, GREAT.
IT'S A DATE, THEN? SEE YA, STELLA.
OK.
BYE.
HI.
HI.
SORRY I'M LATE.
OH, YOU ARE? OH, I DIDN'T EVEN NOTICE.
UM YOU DIDN'T BRING ANY STUFF? THAT'S OK, THAT'S OK.
I HAVE EVERYTHING WE NEED.
I'VE GOT PEN, I'VE GOT PAPER, I'VE GOT THE WORK-- STELLA? HMM? THIS ISN'T GOING TO WORK.
WHAT? STUDYING WON'T HELP ME.
I'M JUST NOT CUT OUT FOR IT.
I'VE TRIED.
I MEAN, I REALLY HAVE.
BUT NOTHING EVER SEEMS TO STICK.
FINLEY'S RIGHT, I MEAN, THE ONLY THING I'M GOOD AT IS FOOTBALL.
SURE.
I UNDERSTAND.
STELLA, WAIT.
NOW, THERE IS SOMETHING YOU CAN DO FOR ME.
HMM? NOW, FINLEY KEEPS A COLLECTION OF OLD EGYPTIAN STUFF AT HIS HOUSE.
YOU COULD MAKE AN APPOINTMENT TO GO OVER THERE, HAVE A LOOK AT THIS JUNK FOR EXTRA CREDIT OR SOMETHING.
HE'D GO FOR IT IN A SECOND.
YOU COULD DO IT TOMORROW NIGHT.
OOHWHY WOULD I WANT TO DO THAT? BECAUSE WHEN YOU HAVE HIM DISTRACTED, I'M GOING TO GO IN THERE AND MAKE A COPY OF THE MIDTERM.
I COULDN'T DO THAT.
YOU KNOW, EVERYBODY LOOKS AT ME, AND THEY THINK I'VE GOT IT MADE, LIKE I DON'T HAVE A CARE IN THE WORLD.
BUT THEY'RE WRONG, STELLA.
I'M REALLY SCARED.
FOOTBALL IS THE ONLY FUTURE I'VE GOT, AND IT'S ABOUT TO GO DOWN THE DRAIN.
BUT IT WOULD BE WRONG.
IF ANYBODY GETS IN TROUBLE, IT'LL BE ME, NOT YOU.
I PROMISE YOU, STELLA.
I WILL PROTECT YOU.
NOBODY WILL KNOW.
NOW, AFTER THE GAME, THERE'S GOING TO BE A PARTY JUST FOR THE TEAM, AND I WANT YOU TO COME WITH ME.
I WANT YOU TO BE MY DATE.
NO, YOU DON'T.
YOU DON'T WANT TO GO WITH ME.
YES, I DO.
NO, YOU DON'T.
WHY WOULD YOU WANT TO TAKE ME? WHY WOULDN'T I? BECAUSE YOU'RE STELLA THE BOOKWORM? STELLA THE WALLFLOWER? HUH? THAT'S WHAT THEY THINK, ISN'T IT? BUT THEY'RE WRONG, AREN'T THEY? JUST LIKE THEY'RE WRONG ABOUT ME.
NO, NOT ALTOGETHER.
I SEE WHO YOU REALLY ARE, STELLA.
I SEE WHAT EVERYBODY ELSE MISSES.
I CAN'T SEE AT ALL WITHOUT MY GLASSES.
AH, MISS FISHER, HOW NICE TO SEE YOU.
GOOD EVENING, PROFESSOR FINLEY.
PLEASE, COME IN.
THANK YOU.
AND TH-TH-THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR ALLOWING ME TO COME OVER.
OH, DON'T BE SILLY.
MY HOME IS ALWAYS OPEN TO MY STUDENTS.
I JUST WISH MORE OF THEM HAD YOUR INTEREST AND CURIOSITY.
UH, LET'S JUST GO DOWNSTAIRS.
I'VE GOT EVERYTHING READY.
DOWNSTAIRS? YEAH, IN THE CELLAR.
RIGHT THIS WAY.
WOW.
THIS IS LIKE A MUSEUM.
WELL, MY GRANDFATHER WAS ONE OF THE FIRST ARCHAEOLOGISTS TO EXPLORE THE TOMBS IN THE VALLEY OF THE KINGS.
ALL OF THESE ARTIFACTS ARE REALLY VERY VALUABLE.
THIS IS INCREDIBLE.
WHAT'S THIS? YOU HAVE A GOOD EYE, MY DEAR.
THAT'S THE PRIDE AND JOY OF MY COLLECTION.
AN ACTUAL BURIAL CHAMBER, COMPLETELY INTACT.
A TOMB? THAT'S RIGHT.
YOU WANT TO LOOK INSIDE? WELL, I--NO, I DON'T THINK SO.
OH, NONSENSE.
IT'S THE BEST PART.
GO ON IN.
OOH, IT'S COLD.
WELL, YOU GET USED TO IT.
HOW DID THE TORCHES GET LIT? WELL, LIKE I SAID, EVERYTHING'S READY.
I SHOULD GO.
BULLSHIT.
COME BACK! GET IN THERE! PROFESSOR FINLEY, LET ME GO! COME ON! REGGIE! REGGIE, HELP ME! VIC, YOU SON OF A BITCH.
REGGIE, HELP ME! PLEASE! WHAT'S THE MATTER WITH YOU? CAN'T YOU DO ANYTHING RIGHT? AAH! HEY! HEY, WAIT.
THIS ISN'T FUNNY! OPEN UP! WOMEN ARE GETTING STRONGER THESE DAYS, AREN'T THEY? MUST BE THAT DAMN WORKOUT TREND.
YOU'RE JUST OUT OF SHAPE.
FUCK YOU, JOCKO! LET'S GET OUT OF HERE.
I GOT ONE THING TO DO FIRST.
REGGIE! OPEN THE DOOR! COME ON! LET ME OUT! THIS ISN'T FUNNY, MAN! LET'S GO UPSTAIRS.
I NEED A DRINK.
WHEW! OH, MY GOD.
RAMSETH RAMSETH.
DON'T YOU KNOW WHO I AM? IT'S ME PRINCESS NEFRA.
IT'S ME.
PRINCESS NEFRA.
THAT IS MY GRANDFATHER-- FLINDERS FINLEY.
WHAT AN ARCHAEOLOGIST.
THAT GRAVE-ROBBING SON OF A BITCH LOOTED TOMBS UP AND DOWN THE NILE.
RAMSETH'S BEEN IN OUR FAMILY FOR PASSED ON FROM FATHER TO SON.
SORT OF A SACRED TRUST.
CURSE IS MORE LIKE IT.
WHY DON'T YOU JUST BURN THE WHOLE HOUSE DOWN? YOU IDIOT.
RAMSETH IS A LIVING CONNECTION WITH ANCIENT EGYPT, THE GREATEST TREASURE IN ALL OF ANTIQUITY, AND HE'S MINE! THE ONLY PROBLEM IS THAT MAIDENS ARE GETTING HARDER AND HARDER TO FIND THESE DAYS.
HA HA.
SICK.
YOU ARE VERY SICK.
YOU LOOK LIKE A MALT LIQUOR MAN TO ME, SKULNICK, BUT TRY THIS ANYWAY.
CHEERS.
OK, DOC.
I'VE LIVED UP TO MY END OF THE DEAL.
NOW IT'S TIME YOU LIVED UP TO YOURS.
WHAT'S YOUR HURRY? SLOW DOWN.
RELAX.
ENJOY YOUR DRINK.
HAND OVER THE MIDTERM FIRST.
IF YOU INSIST.
C-PLUS.
SURELY YOU DON'T EXPECT A BETTER GRADE THAN THAT.
NO, THE GRADE'S FINE.
IT JUST ISN'T ENOUGH.
WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT? I BELIEVE I HAVE YOU OVER A VERY LARGE BARREL HERE.
AND I BET THAT SOME OF THAT STUFF YOU HAVE HOARDED AWAY DOWNSTAIRS IS WORTH A SMALL FORTUNE.
WHY, YOU MISERABLE LITTLE RAT TURD.
ARE YOU TRYING TO BLACKMAIL ME? JUST THINK OF IT AS A LAST-MINUTE RENEGOTIATION.
BUT, UH, I LIKE THE ORIGINAL TERMS.
AH, BUT I DON'T.
YOU KNOW, IN THE CLASSROOM, YOU RUN THE SHOW.
NOWI'M CALLING THE SHOTS.
YOU--YOU REALLY DON'T LISTEN DURING CLASS, DO YOU, REGGIE? YEAH, WELL, THIS ISN'T SCHOOL ANYMORE, FINLEY.
NOT EVEN DURING THE LECTURE ON THE ANCIENT ART OF EMBALMING, AS I RECALL.
EVEN THE DIMMEST BOVINE-BRAIN NITWIT USUALLY PERKS UP DURING THE EMBALMING LECTURE.
IT'S JUST SO GROSS.
WHAT'S YOUR POINT? DO YOU RECALL WHAT I SAID THIS INSTRUMENT WAS USED FOR? FOR REMOVING THE BRAIN THROUGH THE NOSE.
I'M IMPRESSED.
ARE YOU DONE? NOT YET.
DO YOU REMEMBER, REGGIE, HOW THE ANCIENT EMBALMERS REMOVED THE OTHER INTERNAL ORGANS? WHO CARES? THEY WOULD MIX A POTION CALL IT A DRINK WHICH THEY WOULD POUR DOWN THE CORPSE'S THROAT.
AFTER A SHORT TIME, THE ORGANS WOULD DISSOLVE INTO A THICK SLUDGE WHICH WOULD OOZE FROM THE BODY THROUGH THE MOUTH AND THE ASS.
YOU'RE TRYING TO PSYCH ME OUT.
NO, REGGIE.
I'M TRYING TO KILL YOU.
WAIT A MINUTE.
YOU DRANK IT, TOO PROFESSOR.
DID I? DID YOU SEE ME POUR BOTH DRINKS FROM THE SAME DECANTER? NO, OF COURSE NOT.
HOW COULD YOU? YOU WEREN'T PAYING ATTENTION, AS USUAL.
YOU SON OF A BITCH.
REGGIE, HOW EMBARRASSING.
YOU LOOK LIKE THE POSTER BOY FOR DEPENDS.
SHIT! GODDAMN MESS.
OH, WELL.
ALL IN THE NAME OF HISTORY AND SCIENCE.
ALL RIGHT.
WHAT THE HELL IS-- STELLA! YOU'RE ALIVE.
CALL ME PRINCESS NEFRA.
MMM, HE DOES.
I DON'T BELIEVE THIS.
THIS IS IMPOSSIBLE.
I'M THE PERFECT STUDENT.
I LISTEN IN CLASS.
I TAKE EXCELLENT NOTES.
WHAT? I LISTEN! IN CLASS! TO YOUR STUPID, BORING LECTURES! I WRITE DOWN EVERY WORD YOU SAY.
SO I FIGURED IT OUT.
THE LEGEND OF RAMSETH AND NEFRA.
THE MUMMY WHO WOULDN'T DIE, ALL THAT SHIT.
I REMEMBERED IT ALL.
SO I PLAYED ALONG WITH THIS SACK OF RAGS, AND, BOY--HA HA-- WAS HE HAPPY TO SEE ME.
DO YOU UNDERSTAND WHAT I AM SAYING? Y-Y-YOU MEAN THAT YOU AND HE YES! GEE.
HOW COULD YOU DO THIS TO ME? JUST KEEP YOUR VOICE DOWN.
I THINK IT'S UPSETTING HIM.
NO, IT'S OK.
YOU KNOW, THERE WAS SOMETHING ELSE YOU SAID IN CLASS.
ABOUT HOW JEALOUS RAMSETH WAS? LET'S SEE IF YOU WERE RIGHT.
NOW, DON'T, DON'T, STELLA.
OH, PROFESSOR FINLEY, ONE LITTLE KISSIE-WISSIE FOR YOUR FAVORITE STUDENT.
NO, NO, STELLA! FOR YOUR FAVORITE STUDENT.
NO! NO, NO, NO, NO, NO! LOOK WHAT I FOUND.
AH, OH, NO, NO.
NO--OH--OH! AAH! AAH! I'M EDNA CUME, DEAN OF WOMEN.
THIS IS STELLA BISHOP.
WHAT'S GOING ON? MY NAME IS DETECTIVE CONNORS, MISS BISHOP.
IS THERE SOMETHING WRONG? I'M AFRAID SO.
IT'S ABOUT YOUR CLASS PROJECT.
DID I GET A GOOD GRADE? LET'S GO, STELLA.
WE'LL TALK ABOUT IT DOWNTOWN.
EGYPTIAN MUMMIES CLASS PROJECT BY STELLA BISHOP VERY FOOD A+ I GUESS THAT'S A WRAP FOR REGGIE AND PROFESSOR FINLEY.
YOU KNOW WHAT THEY SAY, KIDDIES-- NEFRA SAY NEFRA AGAIN.
AS FOR ME, I'VE GOT TO GET BACK TO MY CORPSE CATALOGUE AND DECIDE ON A MAJOR.
I THOUGHT ABOUT GOING PRE-DEAD, BUT I THINK I'D BE BETTER AT SHRIEK-ONOMICS.
I'LL BE WITH YOU IN A MOMENT.
I WAS JUST IN THE MIDDLE OF CRAMMING FOR MY FINAL EXAMS.
BET YOU DIDN'T KNOW YOUR PAL THE CRYPT KEEPER WAS STILL IN SCHOOL.
AS A MATTER OF FACT, I'M AT THE TOP OF MY CLASS AT HORROR-VARD! WHICH BRINGS US TO TONIGHT'S ALL-FRIGHTER.
IT CONCERNS A COUPLE OF COLLEGE KIDS WHO'VE GOT THEIR OWN IDEAS ABOUT HIGHER DEAD-UCATION, IN A BIT OF HACK-EDAMIA I CALL CREEP COURSE.
EGYPTOLOGY LABORATORY CREEP COURSE THE 18th DYNASTY PRODUCED SOME OF THE GREATEST RULERS EVER TO HOLD THE THRONE OF EGYPT.
THESE IMMENSELY POWERFUL PHARAOHS COMMANDED LOYALTY AND FEAR THROUGHOUT AN EMPIRE THAT STRETCHED FROM NUBIA IN THE SOUTH TO THE BORDERS OF NORTHERN SYRIA.
WHICH BRINGS US TO THE LEGEND OF THE PHARAOH RAMSETH, ALSO KNOWN AS "THE MUMMY WHO WOULDN'T DIE.
" IT SEEMS THAT OLD RAMSETH WAS A POSSESSIVE AND JEALOUS SORT OF FELLOW, AND THE OBJECT OF HIS OBSESSION WAS A BEAUTIFUL YOUNG MAIDEN, PRINCESS NEFRA.
UNFORTUNATELY, RAMSETH TOSSED HIS MORTAL COIL BEFORE ACTUALLY CONSUMMATING HIS RELATIONSHIP WITH THE LOVELY NEFRA.
SO, DESPITE HIS NEWLY ACQUIRED STATUS AS AN EMBALMED AND MUMMIFIED CORPSE, HE EMERGED FROM HIS TOMB ON THE ANNIVERSARY OF HIS DEATH AND EACH YEAR AFTER TO SEARCH THE CITY FOR THE PRINCESS NEFRA.
NEEDLESS TO SAY, RAMSETH'S JEALOUS DISPOSITION AND BAD TEMPER HAD NOT IMPROVED IN DEATH, AND THE LOCAL CITIZENS SO FEARED AND DREADED HIS ANNUAL RAMPAGE THAT THEY WERE FORCED TO ARRIVE AT A DRASTIC SOLUTION.
EACH YEAR, A MAIDEN WAS DELIVERED TO RAMSETH'S TOMB, A HUMAN SACRIFICE.
EACH TIME, THE CRAZED OLD MUMMY WOULD EXPECT TO SEE HIS BELOVED NEFRA STANDING BEFORE HIM, AND EACH TIME HE WOULD BE DISAPPOINTED.
EXPLODING IN ANGER, HE VENTED HIS RAGE UPON THE INNOCENT YOUNG WOMAN IN A MANNER REALLY TOO HORRIBLE TO DESCRIBE.
BUT IT KEPT THE OLD BOY OFF THE STREET.
SO, REMEMBER, SCHOLARS, MIDTERM EXAM ON FRIDAY COVERING THE FIRST AND WHAT ARE THOSE KINGDOMS AGAIN MR.
SKULNICK? THE FIRST 3 KINGDOMS-- THOSE WOULD BE WE'RE WAITING, MR.
SKULNICK.
YOU HAVE US ON THE EDGE OF OUR SEATS, AND FEEL FREE TO CONSULT YOUR NOTES OR YOUR PLAY BOOK OR WHATEVER THAT IS YOU HAVE IN FRONT OF YOU.
I THINK ONE IS THE SECOND DYNASTY? KINGDOMS, MR.
SKULNICK, NOT DYNASTIES! THE FIRST 3 KINGDOMS! I DON'T KNOW, SIR.
MISS BISHOP.
WILL YOU PLEASE GIVE MR.
NUMSKULL-- I BEG YOUR PARDON-- MR.
SKULNICK THE ANSWER TO THE QUESTION HE IS STRUGGLING TO RECALL FROM HIS MEMORY OF MUSH? UH, EARLY DYNASTIC OLD KINGDOM, AND, UH, FIRST INTERMEDIATE PERIOD.
DID YOU HEAR THAT, MR.
SKULNICK? ARE YOU LISTENING? DO I AT LONG LAST HAVE YOUR ATTENTION? YES, SIR.
IF YOU FAIL TO PASS THIS TEST, MR.
SKULNICK, YOU WILL BE INELIGIBLE TO PARTICIPATE IN THE ONE ACTIVITY AT WHICH YOU TRULY EXCEL.
AND ALTHOUGH I PERSONALLY RANK FOOTBALL BELOW KEELHAULING AS A CULTURAL EXPERIENCE, I BELIEVE IT HAS SOME IMPORTANCE TO YOU AND YOUR CLASSMATES.
JUST A WORD TO THE WISE, MR.
SKULNICK.
CLASS DISMISSED.
LET ME HELP YOU WITH THAT.
THANK YOU, IT'S FINE.
YOU'RE STELLA, RIGHT? YOUR NAME IS STELLA? YES, IT IS.
REGGIE SKULNICK.
YEAH, I KNOW WHO YOU ARE.
WORKING HARD, I SEE, HUH? IT'S JUST A COUPLE HOURS A DAY.
YOU KNOW, IT'S MORE CONVENIENT WORKING ON CAMPUS THAN OFF, STELLA! AND, UH UH EXCUSE ME.
PROFESSOR FINLEY IS REALLY ON MY CASE, ISN'T HE? I MEAN, HOW DO YOU LIKE THE WAY HE TREATS ME IN CLASS? WELL, IT WASN'T I MEAN, I'VE GOT FEELINGS, TOO.
IT WAS PRETTY EMBARRASSING FOR ME.
YEAH, I COULD SEE THAT.
NOW, STELLA, I'M GONNA FLUNK THAT MIDTERM UNLESS YOU HELP ME.
ME? WILL YOU, STELLA? PLEASE? OH, I DON'T KNOW.
PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE, STELLA.
COME ON, YOU KNOW THE SUBJECT INSIDE AND OUT! IT WOULD MEAN A LOT TO ME.
WELL, I SUPPOSE I COULD HELP YOU STUDY.
THAT'S WHAT I'M REALLY GOOD AT.
I MEAN I-- I'M NOT A BRAIN OR ANYTHING, BUT I DO TAKE EXCELLENT NOTES.
I MEAN, WE--WE COULD GO OVER THEM TOGETHER, IF THAT'S WHAT YOU MEAN.
IS, UH, LATER THIS AFTERNOON OK? YEAH, YEAH.
WELL, WERE SHOULD WE MEET? LET'S MEET IN THE LIBRARY, LET'S SAY, UH, 3:00? OK, YEAH.
OK, GREAT.
IT'S A DATE, THEN? SEE YA, STELLA.
OK.
BYE.
HI.
HI.
SORRY I'M LATE.
OH, YOU ARE? OH, I DIDN'T EVEN NOTICE.
UM YOU DIDN'T BRING ANY STUFF? THAT'S OK, THAT'S OK.
I HAVE EVERYTHING WE NEED.
I'VE GOT PEN, I'VE GOT PAPER, I'VE GOT THE WORK-- STELLA? HMM? THIS ISN'T GOING TO WORK.
WHAT? STUDYING WON'T HELP ME.
I'M JUST NOT CUT OUT FOR IT.
I'VE TRIED.
I MEAN, I REALLY HAVE.
BUT NOTHING EVER SEEMS TO STICK.
FINLEY'S RIGHT, I MEAN, THE ONLY THING I'M GOOD AT IS FOOTBALL.
SURE.
I UNDERSTAND.
STELLA, WAIT.
NOW, THERE IS SOMETHING YOU CAN DO FOR ME.
HMM? NOW, FINLEY KEEPS A COLLECTION OF OLD EGYPTIAN STUFF AT HIS HOUSE.
YOU COULD MAKE AN APPOINTMENT TO GO OVER THERE, HAVE A LOOK AT THIS JUNK FOR EXTRA CREDIT OR SOMETHING.
HE'D GO FOR IT IN A SECOND.
YOU COULD DO IT TOMORROW NIGHT.
OOHWHY WOULD I WANT TO DO THAT? BECAUSE WHEN YOU HAVE HIM DISTRACTED, I'M GOING TO GO IN THERE AND MAKE A COPY OF THE MIDTERM.
I COULDN'T DO THAT.
YOU KNOW, EVERYBODY LOOKS AT ME, AND THEY THINK I'VE GOT IT MADE, LIKE I DON'T HAVE A CARE IN THE WORLD.
BUT THEY'RE WRONG, STELLA.
I'M REALLY SCARED.
FOOTBALL IS THE ONLY FUTURE I'VE GOT, AND IT'S ABOUT TO GO DOWN THE DRAIN.
BUT IT WOULD BE WRONG.
IF ANYBODY GETS IN TROUBLE, IT'LL BE ME, NOT YOU.
I PROMISE YOU, STELLA.
I WILL PROTECT YOU.
NOBODY WILL KNOW.
NOW, AFTER THE GAME, THERE'S GOING TO BE A PARTY JUST FOR THE TEAM, AND I WANT YOU TO COME WITH ME.
I WANT YOU TO BE MY DATE.
NO, YOU DON'T.
YOU DON'T WANT TO GO WITH ME.
YES, I DO.
NO, YOU DON'T.
WHY WOULD YOU WANT TO TAKE ME? WHY WOULDN'T I? BECAUSE YOU'RE STELLA THE BOOKWORM? STELLA THE WALLFLOWER? HUH? THAT'S WHAT THEY THINK, ISN'T IT? BUT THEY'RE WRONG, AREN'T THEY? JUST LIKE THEY'RE WRONG ABOUT ME.
NO, NOT ALTOGETHER.
I SEE WHO YOU REALLY ARE, STELLA.
I SEE WHAT EVERYBODY ELSE MISSES.
I CAN'T SEE AT ALL WITHOUT MY GLASSES.
AH, MISS FISHER, HOW NICE TO SEE YOU.
GOOD EVENING, PROFESSOR FINLEY.
PLEASE, COME IN.
THANK YOU.
AND TH-TH-THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR ALLOWING ME TO COME OVER.
OH, DON'T BE SILLY.
MY HOME IS ALWAYS OPEN TO MY STUDENTS.
I JUST WISH MORE OF THEM HAD YOUR INTEREST AND CURIOSITY.
UH, LET'S JUST GO DOWNSTAIRS.
I'VE GOT EVERYTHING READY.
DOWNSTAIRS? YEAH, IN THE CELLAR.
RIGHT THIS WAY.
WOW.
THIS IS LIKE A MUSEUM.
WELL, MY GRANDFATHER WAS ONE OF THE FIRST ARCHAEOLOGISTS TO EXPLORE THE TOMBS IN THE VALLEY OF THE KINGS.
ALL OF THESE ARTIFACTS ARE REALLY VERY VALUABLE.
THIS IS INCREDIBLE.
WHAT'S THIS? YOU HAVE A GOOD EYE, MY DEAR.
THAT'S THE PRIDE AND JOY OF MY COLLECTION.
AN ACTUAL BURIAL CHAMBER, COMPLETELY INTACT.
A TOMB? THAT'S RIGHT.
YOU WANT TO LOOK INSIDE? WELL, I--NO, I DON'T THINK SO.
OH, NONSENSE.
IT'S THE BEST PART.
GO ON IN.
OOH, IT'S COLD.
WELL, YOU GET USED TO IT.
HOW DID THE TORCHES GET LIT? WELL, LIKE I SAID, EVERYTHING'S READY.
I SHOULD GO.
BULLSHIT.
COME BACK! GET IN THERE! PROFESSOR FINLEY, LET ME GO! COME ON! REGGIE! REGGIE, HELP ME! VIC, YOU SON OF A BITCH.
REGGIE, HELP ME! PLEASE! WHAT'S THE MATTER WITH YOU? CAN'T YOU DO ANYTHING RIGHT? AAH! HEY! HEY, WAIT.
THIS ISN'T FUNNY! OPEN UP! WOMEN ARE GETTING STRONGER THESE DAYS, AREN'T THEY? MUST BE THAT DAMN WORKOUT TREND.
YOU'RE JUST OUT OF SHAPE.
FUCK YOU, JOCKO! LET'S GET OUT OF HERE.
I GOT ONE THING TO DO FIRST.
REGGIE! OPEN THE DOOR! COME ON! LET ME OUT! THIS ISN'T FUNNY, MAN! LET'S GO UPSTAIRS.
I NEED A DRINK.
WHEW! OH, MY GOD.
RAMSETH RAMSETH.
DON'T YOU KNOW WHO I AM? IT'S ME PRINCESS NEFRA.
IT'S ME.
PRINCESS NEFRA.
THAT IS MY GRANDFATHER-- FLINDERS FINLEY.
WHAT AN ARCHAEOLOGIST.
THAT GRAVE-ROBBING SON OF A BITCH LOOTED TOMBS UP AND DOWN THE NILE.
RAMSETH'S BEEN IN OUR FAMILY FOR PASSED ON FROM FATHER TO SON.
SORT OF A SACRED TRUST.
CURSE IS MORE LIKE IT.
WHY DON'T YOU JUST BURN THE WHOLE HOUSE DOWN? YOU IDIOT.
RAMSETH IS A LIVING CONNECTION WITH ANCIENT EGYPT, THE GREATEST TREASURE IN ALL OF ANTIQUITY, AND HE'S MINE! THE ONLY PROBLEM IS THAT MAIDENS ARE GETTING HARDER AND HARDER TO FIND THESE DAYS.
HA HA.
SICK.
YOU ARE VERY SICK.
YOU LOOK LIKE A MALT LIQUOR MAN TO ME, SKULNICK, BUT TRY THIS ANYWAY.
CHEERS.
OK, DOC.
I'VE LIVED UP TO MY END OF THE DEAL.
NOW IT'S TIME YOU LIVED UP TO YOURS.
WHAT'S YOUR HURRY? SLOW DOWN.
RELAX.
ENJOY YOUR DRINK.
HAND OVER THE MIDTERM FIRST.
IF YOU INSIST.
C-PLUS.
SURELY YOU DON'T EXPECT A BETTER GRADE THAN THAT.
NO, THE GRADE'S FINE.
IT JUST ISN'T ENOUGH.
WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT? I BELIEVE I HAVE YOU OVER A VERY LARGE BARREL HERE.
AND I BET THAT SOME OF THAT STUFF YOU HAVE HOARDED AWAY DOWNSTAIRS IS WORTH A SMALL FORTUNE.
WHY, YOU MISERABLE LITTLE RAT TURD.
ARE YOU TRYING TO BLACKMAIL ME? JUST THINK OF IT AS A LAST-MINUTE RENEGOTIATION.
BUT, UH, I LIKE THE ORIGINAL TERMS.
AH, BUT I DON'T.
YOU KNOW, IN THE CLASSROOM, YOU RUN THE SHOW.
NOWI'M CALLING THE SHOTS.
YOU--YOU REALLY DON'T LISTEN DURING CLASS, DO YOU, REGGIE? YEAH, WELL, THIS ISN'T SCHOOL ANYMORE, FINLEY.
NOT EVEN DURING THE LECTURE ON THE ANCIENT ART OF EMBALMING, AS I RECALL.
EVEN THE DIMMEST BOVINE-BRAIN NITWIT USUALLY PERKS UP DURING THE EMBALMING LECTURE.
IT'S JUST SO GROSS.
WHAT'S YOUR POINT? DO YOU RECALL WHAT I SAID THIS INSTRUMENT WAS USED FOR? FOR REMOVING THE BRAIN THROUGH THE NOSE.
I'M IMPRESSED.
ARE YOU DONE? NOT YET.
DO YOU REMEMBER, REGGIE, HOW THE ANCIENT EMBALMERS REMOVED THE OTHER INTERNAL ORGANS? WHO CARES? THEY WOULD MIX A POTION CALL IT A DRINK WHICH THEY WOULD POUR DOWN THE CORPSE'S THROAT.
AFTER A SHORT TIME, THE ORGANS WOULD DISSOLVE INTO A THICK SLUDGE WHICH WOULD OOZE FROM THE BODY THROUGH THE MOUTH AND THE ASS.
YOU'RE TRYING TO PSYCH ME OUT.
NO, REGGIE.
I'M TRYING TO KILL YOU.
WAIT A MINUTE.
YOU DRANK IT, TOO PROFESSOR.
DID I? DID YOU SEE ME POUR BOTH DRINKS FROM THE SAME DECANTER? NO, OF COURSE NOT.
HOW COULD YOU? YOU WEREN'T PAYING ATTENTION, AS USUAL.
YOU SON OF A BITCH.
REGGIE, HOW EMBARRASSING.
YOU LOOK LIKE THE POSTER BOY FOR DEPENDS.
SHIT! GODDAMN MESS.
OH, WELL.
ALL IN THE NAME OF HISTORY AND SCIENCE.
ALL RIGHT.
WHAT THE HELL IS-- STELLA! YOU'RE ALIVE.
CALL ME PRINCESS NEFRA.
MMM, HE DOES.
I DON'T BELIEVE THIS.
THIS IS IMPOSSIBLE.
I'M THE PERFECT STUDENT.
I LISTEN IN CLASS.
I TAKE EXCELLENT NOTES.
WHAT? I LISTEN! IN CLASS! TO YOUR STUPID, BORING LECTURES! I WRITE DOWN EVERY WORD YOU SAY.
SO I FIGURED IT OUT.
THE LEGEND OF RAMSETH AND NEFRA.
THE MUMMY WHO WOULDN'T DIE, ALL THAT SHIT.
I REMEMBERED IT ALL.
SO I PLAYED ALONG WITH THIS SACK OF RAGS, AND, BOY--HA HA-- WAS HE HAPPY TO SEE ME.
DO YOU UNDERSTAND WHAT I AM SAYING? Y-Y-YOU MEAN THAT YOU AND HE YES! GEE.
HOW COULD YOU DO THIS TO ME? JUST KEEP YOUR VOICE DOWN.
I THINK IT'S UPSETTING HIM.
NO, IT'S OK.
YOU KNOW, THERE WAS SOMETHING ELSE YOU SAID IN CLASS.
ABOUT HOW JEALOUS RAMSETH WAS? LET'S SEE IF YOU WERE RIGHT.
NOW, DON'T, DON'T, STELLA.
OH, PROFESSOR FINLEY, ONE LITTLE KISSIE-WISSIE FOR YOUR FAVORITE STUDENT.
NO, NO, STELLA! FOR YOUR FAVORITE STUDENT.
NO! NO, NO, NO, NO, NO! LOOK WHAT I FOUND.
AH, OH, NO, NO.
NO--OH--OH! AAH! AAH! I'M EDNA CUME, DEAN OF WOMEN.
THIS IS STELLA BISHOP.
WHAT'S GOING ON? MY NAME IS DETECTIVE CONNORS, MISS BISHOP.
IS THERE SOMETHING WRONG? I'M AFRAID SO.
IT'S ABOUT YOUR CLASS PROJECT.
DID I GET A GOOD GRADE? LET'S GO, STELLA.
WE'LL TALK ABOUT IT DOWNTOWN.
EGYPTIAN MUMMIES CLASS PROJECT BY STELLA BISHOP VERY FOOD A+ I GUESS THAT'S A WRAP FOR REGGIE AND PROFESSOR FINLEY.
YOU KNOW WHAT THEY SAY, KIDDIES-- NEFRA SAY NEFRA AGAIN.
AS FOR ME, I'VE GOT TO GET BACK TO MY CORPSE CATALOGUE AND DECIDE ON A MAJOR.
I THOUGHT ABOUT GOING PRE-DEAD, BUT I THINK I'D BE BETTER AT SHRIEK-ONOMICS.