The Batman (2004) s05e09 Episode Script
Attack of the Terrible Trio
[LAUGHS.]
Higher.
Higher.
[RADIO PLAYING PARTY MUSIC.]
[BLOWS RASPBERRY.]
SHELLEY: Come on in.
[LAUGHING.]
What are you waiting for? Come on in.
Shelley, get out of there, hurry.
[CHUCKLES.]
This is so Spielberg.
[ROARING.]
Michael, is that you? Cool costume.
You get it from the Drama Department? [ROARS.]
I'm not laughing anymore, Michael.
Now take that thing off.
Take it off.
[GROWLS.]
SHELLEY: Michael? [GASPS.]
[SHELLEY SCREAMS.]
[GRUNTS.]
[SCREAMING.]
[GROWLS.]
[KIDS YELLING.]
BOY: Let's get out of here.
Huh? [PANTING.]
BOY: Come on.
Hit it! What is that? [BOYS YELLING.]
[GROWLS.]
[ROARS.]
[SCREECHING FROM ABOVE.]
BOY: Let's get out of here.
[SCREECHES.]
[SCREECHES.]
[CANS RATTLE AND CAT SCREECHES.]
[GASPS.]
[GRUNTS.]
I think you know why we're here, Professor Langstrom.
I was expecting you.
But I had nothing to do with this, I swear.
I know it looks bad, but after those last Man-Bat experiments I realized I could never go down that road again.
And I haven't.
Someone has.
Any ideas? There was a breach in my computer's security program a few weeks ago.
BATMAN: So it could be anyone.
- I'm afraid so.
But if there's anything I can do to help, anything at all.
Let's hope it's not too late for that.
I'll do some snooping around here in the morning.
But what about your school? This is my school, ever since September.
Tell me you knew that.
He can give you the atomic weight of iridium and the private phone number of the president but does he remember I graduated high school? No.
[BOY CHUCKLES.]
And did you hear those big bad frat boys when they were running off? [IN HIGH-PITCHED VOICE.]
Squealing just like their little girlfriends.
You know, I actually tried to get into one of those sororities.
DAVID: You? - It was a long time ago, David, okay? And did you see that girl's face when she figured out it wasn't a costume? - I thought she was gonna-- - Justin, shh! Come on, Amber.
Who pays attention to us? At least while we look like this.
Speaking of that, have you cooked up any more of those patches? It's easy, once you have the recipe.
[ELEVATOR DINGS.]
Not again.
- What? - The doof they gave me for a roommate.
What do you want? What do you think I want, Jake? This is my room too, you know.
Uh-uh.
This party's by invitation only.
And it's very exclusive.
[GRUNTS.]
JAKE: What a newbie.
You okay? You should tell the dorm advisor about this.
Mind your own business.
Humph! Come on, Jake.
They're closing.
Yeah, yeah.
[SCREAMS.]
[ROARS.]
[GASPS.]
[GRUNTS.]
[SCREECHES.]
[GRUNTS.]
[GROWLS.]
[SCREAMS.]
JAKE: Help! I'm at school.
Better come quick.
Assuming you can remember which school it is.
[PANTING.]
[GROWLING.]
No, please.
[GRUNTS.]
Don't worry, I'm only going to make you into more of party animal.
[GRUNTS.]
- What are you doing? - Oh, you'll see.
BATGIRL: Hold it.
[BOTH GRUNTING.]
He's gone now.
It's okay.
[GROANING.]
Or not.
[PANTING.]
I did it.
Then we better get out of here, quick.
BATMAN: What's the rush? Come on.
[SCREECHES.]
[GROWLS.]
[GRUNTS.]
[SCREAMS.]
[GRUNTS THEN MOANS.]
[VULTURE SCREECHES.]
[SCREECHES.]
[GRUNTS.]
[GROWLS.]
[GRUNTS.]
[GROWLING.]
[YELPS.]
- Hey, we got a problem.
- No kidding.
[ROARING.]
[ROARING.]
[SCREAMS.]
Come on, I've seen this movie before.
- Okay, what's the plan? - Move.
Good plan.
[KIDS SCREAMING.]
BOY: Let's get out of here.
This is where we call in the Justice League, right? For a monkey? They'd throw me out in two seconds.
[WHISTLE BLOWS.]
So how'd you do on the test--? Aah! [ROARING.]
[ROARS THEN GROANING.]
- Langstrom.
- Aah! There was another creature attack tonight.
An ape.
This is a blood sample I took from him.
If you're serious about wanting to help, see if you can come up with an antidote.
I'll get to work on it.
There are probably some mutagens in here that-- MAN [ON TV.]
: Before they took him away, police questioned the so-called gorilla-boy but got few answers.
Frankly, we don't know what's been causing this.
As of this point, we're ready to call in Animal Control.
Ha.
Looks like you got this room all to yourself now.
What a coincidence.
[LAUGHING.]
Hey, what are you laughing at? Jake's in the hospital now.
It's not funny.
Boohoo.
You saw what a jerk he was.
Doesn't mean he deserved that.
People tend to get exactly what they deserve, sunshine.
Maybe you will too.
[TRIO LAUGHING.]
I think I know who the next monkey's gonna be.
Shh! Quiet, Amber.
MAN [ON TV.]
: We go now to Gotham University president Dr.
Steven Phillips.
After last night's incident I'm calling for all Gotham University students to have DNA tests that will determine who's been abusing mutagenic chemicals.
Tests will begin tomorrow.
He can't do that.
Isn't that, like, invasion of primacy? "Privacy," and it's not legal, no way.
But what if everyone else takes the test and we don't? They'd know it was us.
Hmm.
David? What if everyone had the mutagen in their systems? What are you talking about? Well, I've always said this place was a zoo.
What if it really turned into one? Where you been? Langstrom's lab.
He put together an antidote to the mutagen.
Good, because we're gonna need it soon.
- You're sure? - Give me a second.
BARBARA: I'm sure.
Unless the university's stuffing their dorm pillows with vulture feathers I've found our bird-girl and her two friends.
BATMAN: Where's everybody going? Big football game tonight.
Dorm's so empty, we could walk through the front door.
But where's the fun in that? - Think they're at the game? - They're not the school-spirit types.
What type are they? The type no one notices until it's too late: misfits.
Everyone fits in somewhere.
The hard part is finding the right place.
BATGIRL: Blueprints? For what? What are you saving it for? Put it all in.
I want everybody to get their share.
[CHEERING NEARBY.]
What was that? Must be the kickoff.
Our timing's perfect.
Get the detonator.
[CELL PHONE RINGS.]
- What? - [WHISPERS.]
We got visitors.
- Batman and Batgirl.
DAVID [OVER PHONE.]
: I don't believe it.
Better get up here.
[GROANS.]
[GROANING.]
[VULTURE SCREECHES.]
[GROWLS.]
BATGIRL: Nice poochie.
Lab animals.
[GROWLS.]
[BOTH GRUNT.]
BATGIRL: Time for the antidote.
[GROWLS.]
[SCREECHES.]
BATMAN: She's got the antidote.
[SCREECHES.]
[GROWLS.]
[FOX CRASHES INTO DESK.]
[BATGIRL GRUNTS.]
[ROARS.]
[GRUNTS.]
You know, you were a real inspiration to me, Batman.
I was an inspiration to you? When I was a kid, I saw you way up on a skyscraper.
You had everything I ever wanted.
Power, freedom, no one to answer to.
Then there was the whole animal thing too.
You might have seen me, but you sure didn't understand.
Well, I understand now.
You're a sellout.
A flunky for the cops, that's all.
And you've turned yourself into a cheap circus act.
[GROWLS.]
Not helping.
You wanna talk about a circus? Pretty soon, I'm gonna turn the stadium into the world's biggest freak show Thanks to this.
But you're not gonna live to see it.
[HISSING.]
[GROWLS.]
ANNOUNCER [OVER LOUDSPEAKER.]
: And now, for your halftime pleasure the Gotham University marching band.
[CROWD CHEERING.]
Go, Gotham.
Go, Gotham? [SCREECHES.]
FOX: Shower's over.
BOY 1: Oh! BOY 2: Run.
BOY 3: Hurry.
Get out of here.
Once this goes off, a cloud of mutagen will cover half the campus.
[SNAKES HISSING.]
Get back.
[BEEPING.]
All set.
[GROWLS.]
[GUARDS GRUNT.]
[BOTH GASP.]
[GROWLS.]
[GRUNTING.]
What? [SCREECHES.]
[GRUNTS.]
[BATGIRL GRUNTING.]
[SCREECHES.]
[COUGHING.]
[GRUNTS.]
[BATARANG THUDS THEN SIZZLES.]
No.
[GRUNTS.]
[GROANING.]
[SCREECHES.]
Uh-oh.
[SCREECHES.]
[PEOPLE SCREAM.]
[SCREECHING AND GROWLING.]
- You okay? - Yeah.
[MOANS.]
BATGIRL: What's gonna happen to him and the other two? Hard to say, but I have a feeling that wherever they end up they're still gonna have trouble fitting in.
Higher.
Higher.
[RADIO PLAYING PARTY MUSIC.]
[BLOWS RASPBERRY.]
SHELLEY: Come on in.
[LAUGHING.]
What are you waiting for? Come on in.
Shelley, get out of there, hurry.
[CHUCKLES.]
This is so Spielberg.
[ROARING.]
Michael, is that you? Cool costume.
You get it from the Drama Department? [ROARS.]
I'm not laughing anymore, Michael.
Now take that thing off.
Take it off.
[GROWLS.]
SHELLEY: Michael? [GASPS.]
[SHELLEY SCREAMS.]
[GRUNTS.]
[SCREAMING.]
[GROWLS.]
[KIDS YELLING.]
BOY: Let's get out of here.
Huh? [PANTING.]
BOY: Come on.
Hit it! What is that? [BOYS YELLING.]
[GROWLS.]
[ROARS.]
[SCREECHING FROM ABOVE.]
BOY: Let's get out of here.
[SCREECHES.]
[SCREECHES.]
[CANS RATTLE AND CAT SCREECHES.]
[GASPS.]
[GRUNTS.]
I think you know why we're here, Professor Langstrom.
I was expecting you.
But I had nothing to do with this, I swear.
I know it looks bad, but after those last Man-Bat experiments I realized I could never go down that road again.
And I haven't.
Someone has.
Any ideas? There was a breach in my computer's security program a few weeks ago.
BATMAN: So it could be anyone.
- I'm afraid so.
But if there's anything I can do to help, anything at all.
Let's hope it's not too late for that.
I'll do some snooping around here in the morning.
But what about your school? This is my school, ever since September.
Tell me you knew that.
He can give you the atomic weight of iridium and the private phone number of the president but does he remember I graduated high school? No.
[BOY CHUCKLES.]
And did you hear those big bad frat boys when they were running off? [IN HIGH-PITCHED VOICE.]
Squealing just like their little girlfriends.
You know, I actually tried to get into one of those sororities.
DAVID: You? - It was a long time ago, David, okay? And did you see that girl's face when she figured out it wasn't a costume? - I thought she was gonna-- - Justin, shh! Come on, Amber.
Who pays attention to us? At least while we look like this.
Speaking of that, have you cooked up any more of those patches? It's easy, once you have the recipe.
[ELEVATOR DINGS.]
Not again.
- What? - The doof they gave me for a roommate.
What do you want? What do you think I want, Jake? This is my room too, you know.
Uh-uh.
This party's by invitation only.
And it's very exclusive.
[GRUNTS.]
JAKE: What a newbie.
You okay? You should tell the dorm advisor about this.
Mind your own business.
Humph! Come on, Jake.
They're closing.
Yeah, yeah.
[SCREAMS.]
[ROARS.]
[GASPS.]
[GRUNTS.]
[SCREECHES.]
[GRUNTS.]
[GROWLS.]
[SCREAMS.]
JAKE: Help! I'm at school.
Better come quick.
Assuming you can remember which school it is.
[PANTING.]
[GROWLING.]
No, please.
[GRUNTS.]
Don't worry, I'm only going to make you into more of party animal.
[GRUNTS.]
- What are you doing? - Oh, you'll see.
BATGIRL: Hold it.
[BOTH GRUNTING.]
He's gone now.
It's okay.
[GROANING.]
Or not.
[PANTING.]
I did it.
Then we better get out of here, quick.
BATMAN: What's the rush? Come on.
[SCREECHES.]
[GROWLS.]
[GRUNTS.]
[SCREAMS.]
[GRUNTS THEN MOANS.]
[VULTURE SCREECHES.]
[SCREECHES.]
[GRUNTS.]
[GROWLS.]
[GRUNTS.]
[GROWLING.]
[YELPS.]
- Hey, we got a problem.
- No kidding.
[ROARING.]
[ROARING.]
[SCREAMS.]
Come on, I've seen this movie before.
- Okay, what's the plan? - Move.
Good plan.
[KIDS SCREAMING.]
BOY: Let's get out of here.
This is where we call in the Justice League, right? For a monkey? They'd throw me out in two seconds.
[WHISTLE BLOWS.]
So how'd you do on the test--? Aah! [ROARING.]
[ROARS THEN GROANING.]
- Langstrom.
- Aah! There was another creature attack tonight.
An ape.
This is a blood sample I took from him.
If you're serious about wanting to help, see if you can come up with an antidote.
I'll get to work on it.
There are probably some mutagens in here that-- MAN [ON TV.]
: Before they took him away, police questioned the so-called gorilla-boy but got few answers.
Frankly, we don't know what's been causing this.
As of this point, we're ready to call in Animal Control.
Ha.
Looks like you got this room all to yourself now.
What a coincidence.
[LAUGHING.]
Hey, what are you laughing at? Jake's in the hospital now.
It's not funny.
Boohoo.
You saw what a jerk he was.
Doesn't mean he deserved that.
People tend to get exactly what they deserve, sunshine.
Maybe you will too.
[TRIO LAUGHING.]
I think I know who the next monkey's gonna be.
Shh! Quiet, Amber.
MAN [ON TV.]
: We go now to Gotham University president Dr.
Steven Phillips.
After last night's incident I'm calling for all Gotham University students to have DNA tests that will determine who's been abusing mutagenic chemicals.
Tests will begin tomorrow.
He can't do that.
Isn't that, like, invasion of primacy? "Privacy," and it's not legal, no way.
But what if everyone else takes the test and we don't? They'd know it was us.
Hmm.
David? What if everyone had the mutagen in their systems? What are you talking about? Well, I've always said this place was a zoo.
What if it really turned into one? Where you been? Langstrom's lab.
He put together an antidote to the mutagen.
Good, because we're gonna need it soon.
- You're sure? - Give me a second.
BARBARA: I'm sure.
Unless the university's stuffing their dorm pillows with vulture feathers I've found our bird-girl and her two friends.
BATMAN: Where's everybody going? Big football game tonight.
Dorm's so empty, we could walk through the front door.
But where's the fun in that? - Think they're at the game? - They're not the school-spirit types.
What type are they? The type no one notices until it's too late: misfits.
Everyone fits in somewhere.
The hard part is finding the right place.
BATGIRL: Blueprints? For what? What are you saving it for? Put it all in.
I want everybody to get their share.
[CHEERING NEARBY.]
What was that? Must be the kickoff.
Our timing's perfect.
Get the detonator.
[CELL PHONE RINGS.]
- What? - [WHISPERS.]
We got visitors.
- Batman and Batgirl.
DAVID [OVER PHONE.]
: I don't believe it.
Better get up here.
[GROANS.]
[GROANING.]
[VULTURE SCREECHES.]
[GROWLS.]
BATGIRL: Nice poochie.
Lab animals.
[GROWLS.]
[BOTH GRUNT.]
BATGIRL: Time for the antidote.
[GROWLS.]
[SCREECHES.]
BATMAN: She's got the antidote.
[SCREECHES.]
[GROWLS.]
[FOX CRASHES INTO DESK.]
[BATGIRL GRUNTS.]
[ROARS.]
[GRUNTS.]
You know, you were a real inspiration to me, Batman.
I was an inspiration to you? When I was a kid, I saw you way up on a skyscraper.
You had everything I ever wanted.
Power, freedom, no one to answer to.
Then there was the whole animal thing too.
You might have seen me, but you sure didn't understand.
Well, I understand now.
You're a sellout.
A flunky for the cops, that's all.
And you've turned yourself into a cheap circus act.
[GROWLS.]
Not helping.
You wanna talk about a circus? Pretty soon, I'm gonna turn the stadium into the world's biggest freak show Thanks to this.
But you're not gonna live to see it.
[HISSING.]
[GROWLS.]
ANNOUNCER [OVER LOUDSPEAKER.]
: And now, for your halftime pleasure the Gotham University marching band.
[CROWD CHEERING.]
Go, Gotham.
Go, Gotham? [SCREECHES.]
FOX: Shower's over.
BOY 1: Oh! BOY 2: Run.
BOY 3: Hurry.
Get out of here.
Once this goes off, a cloud of mutagen will cover half the campus.
[SNAKES HISSING.]
Get back.
[BEEPING.]
All set.
[GROWLS.]
[GUARDS GRUNT.]
[BOTH GASP.]
[GROWLS.]
[GRUNTING.]
What? [SCREECHES.]
[GRUNTS.]
[BATGIRL GRUNTING.]
[SCREECHES.]
[COUGHING.]
[GRUNTS.]
[BATARANG THUDS THEN SIZZLES.]
No.
[GRUNTS.]
[GROANING.]
[SCREECHES.]
Uh-oh.
[SCREECHES.]
[PEOPLE SCREAM.]
[SCREECHING AND GROWLING.]
- You okay? - Yeah.
[MOANS.]
BATGIRL: What's gonna happen to him and the other two? Hard to say, but I have a feeling that wherever they end up they're still gonna have trouble fitting in.