The Guild (2007) s05e09 Episode Script
Invite Accepted
I can't sleep.
Tink hasn't said a word to me since we met up with her family earlier.
She came in late, went straight to bed.
Or, so she's pretending to.
I'm too nervous to close my eyes.
Pillow over the face risk and all! [Fart noise.]
And Zaboo's been comatose since I got in! He's been farting what smells like espresso, so, eww! Everybody's been acting so weird! Tomorrow's the last day of the con, but it can't be the last day with my guildies.
I mean, we are real friends, but clearly we need the Game to hold us together.
So, tomorrow: plotting! I think I'm gonna go sleep in the bathtub.
I can lock the door! [Fart noise.]
[Codex.]
Tink, Tink! I'll forget about everything! Your name, your family, everything! Just Please don't hate me.
God! I slept so good last night! It's like the biggest relief, ever! I owe you one, stupid.
Oh, so w-we're cool? Awesome.
Listen, even though our game is about to disappear, I still want to be friends with you.
They're not going to shut it down.
Well, maybe you're right.
Maybe I've been hallucinating about everything I've seen and heard this weekend.
But today, you and I are going to find out, one way, or another.
AHHHH!!! [Groan.]
[Groans and screams.]
Woah.
Wish I would've known that before I kicked.
Would've done it harder! You?! You have been stalking me all weekend? Why?! Your appearance at this convention had a touch of kismit to it.
Oh.
So you were alone, saw somebody you knew, but couldn't even say hi like a real person.
Nice.
Hit him with insight.
The Axis broke up.
Through no fault of my own.
I thought you might be interested in a new guild leader.
Let me give that a second.
No, no, no! Not our guild, you find your own family.
Codex.
I am a lone, unarmed paladin, in a PvP wasteland, who's God has forsaken him.
We once shared sexy time together.
Quick heal my loneliness! Okay.
This convention is a perfect opportunity for you to be somebody else.
Someone who's less jerky! You might be able to find some friends here.
But those friends? Not.
Us.
Wow.
No quote.
Maybe he actually listened.
I'm just glad the mystery is solved.
Last night I dreamed of a furry gnawing my face off! It was starting to get to me.
Please don't do that! So yesterday, when I saw you making your robots beat up famous people, I knew I had to step in! Agree'd! I just needed a good night sleep.
Clara, you helped me regain my conscience.
For that, I wanna do you, a favor! - Are we going dancing? - Even better! - Ha! - Huh? I've taken 28 hours of craft classes over the past two days, so We're gonna build you a costume that's so awesome-sausage that those steampunk guys are gonna be begging to take you back! Oh my gosh, thank you so much! Do you need help? Remember, I'm pregnant.
Nope! I got it all taken care of.
Ahhh!! Robots! My loyal henchman! No, no, no, no! This is not why I texted you today.
I'm not going to the "Dragons In Pastel" panel.
Nor will I be attending the "Android girlfriends seminar - programming your own passion".
In fact, I'm not gonna be going to any panels.
Ever again.
Although I can now sculpt any alien head in the sci-fi universe from spreadable cheese - How cool!! - Yeah, it is cool.
I've done too much mass damage.
And now I've gotta step down from the iron throne.
Big speech'd.
No, no, no, no! Shhhhhh.
Don't speak.
They never do.
I've made up my mind! The seat savers buddy network for making cool friendships and Ugh! I gotta work on that stupid title.
It's dissolved.
It's been a pleasure serving with you, spartans! Dismissed'd.
[Clara.]
I am so proud of you! Hand me that blowtorch, let's burn things! Ahhh! Now what? [Codex.]
There he is! There's Floyd Petroski.
Look at all those papers.
I bet it's a contract to sell the game.
And his soul.
Hey! Early birds, uh? Look, I didn't plan on hiring booth babes today, but uh For you I'll make an exception.
Uhm That's Floyd Petroski in there, right? Yes it is.
[Girl-ish laugh.]
Your friend busted his walls pretty good the other day, she'll know him as well as me.
Great.
I made an impression.
I super really wanna meet him! Can I go back there? Say hi? [Girl-ish voice.]
Say hello Hell no!! Uh-uh.
Boss is deep busy today! He's making a really big announcement after the costume contest tonight, so Oooh! What announcement? Come on, you can tell us.
What y'all doing? Y'all giving birth? 'Cause that's what it looks like.
I'm not just some weird Internet gamer type of dude that is just gonna go for every single chick that flirts with me, okay? That was flirting! I'll stand right here.
In a stance of power.
Cross me if you want to.
What are we gonna do now? Wait the dufus out.
In the meantime Haven't got the chance to play the new demo yet! Recite to me the top of your rote.
OK.
Avast me audience! This be the Cheesybeards pirate warning you to listen! Or I'll cut your Internet with me cheesey mind! We may have to offer discount for the accent.
[People chanting.]
Squeeze that cheese! Squeeze that cheese! Squeeze that cheese! What's the meaning of this? I'm giving no one refunds! Your pirate friend blew me and my friends off for more important people.
He slammed the door on our faces! [Everyone together.]
Boo!! OK.
OK! Ladies, let's be real for a second Really on different levels and Hey, if the shoe had been on the other foot I want on record that as his manager I do not discriminate against anyone who's paying.
I'm equally unfond of everyone! Squeeze that cheese! Squeeze that cheese! This is a PR disaster! I'm not doing anything other famous people wouldn't do.
Right? Right, guys? Right? Come on, guys You? SHUT UP!! Hey! How are you doing? - Good.
- What's your name? Your padawan learns the hardest lesson: Never invite the wrath of fans.
Charity Er, Made Sigh.
These changes are retarded! They gimped flory arrows? What am I supposed to do, slash-hug them to death? Shhhh! We don't want him more demoralized.
Wait a second.
We've been playing for two hours! - Your point? - Well There's the RTX guy! They are gonna talk business.
We gotta hear what they're talking about! We can't just barge in there! Well, what then? Check it.
- Hey, hero! - Uh? Hi.
Wow!! [Nervous laugh.]
Wanna take down the Hydra boss at the Wallarn Pools? - Yeahhh - Here Join our party and we can chat too.
So with girls? Real girls? Yes! Warrior for hire.
Cool! - What are you doing? - Shhhh! Keep your finger on the push-to-talk button! - Cool? - Cool.
- Baby - Baby? This is so hot! Finally, someone who embraces a stereotype! I can hear them talking.
Awesome plan! Ladies? Are you ready to jet? In a sec, keep pressing! Wait, wait, wait Floyd just asked for their business plan! Oh my God! Ladies!! Hehe.
You're cute, but I'm kinda dying over here.
So are we.
You gotta be kidding! Codex, you were right! We gotta tell the Guild! Ladies? Ladies??
Tink hasn't said a word to me since we met up with her family earlier.
She came in late, went straight to bed.
Or, so she's pretending to.
I'm too nervous to close my eyes.
Pillow over the face risk and all! [Fart noise.]
And Zaboo's been comatose since I got in! He's been farting what smells like espresso, so, eww! Everybody's been acting so weird! Tomorrow's the last day of the con, but it can't be the last day with my guildies.
I mean, we are real friends, but clearly we need the Game to hold us together.
So, tomorrow: plotting! I think I'm gonna go sleep in the bathtub.
I can lock the door! [Fart noise.]
[Codex.]
Tink, Tink! I'll forget about everything! Your name, your family, everything! Just Please don't hate me.
God! I slept so good last night! It's like the biggest relief, ever! I owe you one, stupid.
Oh, so w-we're cool? Awesome.
Listen, even though our game is about to disappear, I still want to be friends with you.
They're not going to shut it down.
Well, maybe you're right.
Maybe I've been hallucinating about everything I've seen and heard this weekend.
But today, you and I are going to find out, one way, or another.
AHHHH!!! [Groan.]
[Groans and screams.]
Woah.
Wish I would've known that before I kicked.
Would've done it harder! You?! You have been stalking me all weekend? Why?! Your appearance at this convention had a touch of kismit to it.
Oh.
So you were alone, saw somebody you knew, but couldn't even say hi like a real person.
Nice.
Hit him with insight.
The Axis broke up.
Through no fault of my own.
I thought you might be interested in a new guild leader.
Let me give that a second.
No, no, no! Not our guild, you find your own family.
Codex.
I am a lone, unarmed paladin, in a PvP wasteland, who's God has forsaken him.
We once shared sexy time together.
Quick heal my loneliness! Okay.
This convention is a perfect opportunity for you to be somebody else.
Someone who's less jerky! You might be able to find some friends here.
But those friends? Not.
Us.
Wow.
No quote.
Maybe he actually listened.
I'm just glad the mystery is solved.
Last night I dreamed of a furry gnawing my face off! It was starting to get to me.
Please don't do that! So yesterday, when I saw you making your robots beat up famous people, I knew I had to step in! Agree'd! I just needed a good night sleep.
Clara, you helped me regain my conscience.
For that, I wanna do you, a favor! - Are we going dancing? - Even better! - Ha! - Huh? I've taken 28 hours of craft classes over the past two days, so We're gonna build you a costume that's so awesome-sausage that those steampunk guys are gonna be begging to take you back! Oh my gosh, thank you so much! Do you need help? Remember, I'm pregnant.
Nope! I got it all taken care of.
Ahhh!! Robots! My loyal henchman! No, no, no, no! This is not why I texted you today.
I'm not going to the "Dragons In Pastel" panel.
Nor will I be attending the "Android girlfriends seminar - programming your own passion".
In fact, I'm not gonna be going to any panels.
Ever again.
Although I can now sculpt any alien head in the sci-fi universe from spreadable cheese - How cool!! - Yeah, it is cool.
I've done too much mass damage.
And now I've gotta step down from the iron throne.
Big speech'd.
No, no, no, no! Shhhhhh.
Don't speak.
They never do.
I've made up my mind! The seat savers buddy network for making cool friendships and Ugh! I gotta work on that stupid title.
It's dissolved.
It's been a pleasure serving with you, spartans! Dismissed'd.
[Clara.]
I am so proud of you! Hand me that blowtorch, let's burn things! Ahhh! Now what? [Codex.]
There he is! There's Floyd Petroski.
Look at all those papers.
I bet it's a contract to sell the game.
And his soul.
Hey! Early birds, uh? Look, I didn't plan on hiring booth babes today, but uh For you I'll make an exception.
Uhm That's Floyd Petroski in there, right? Yes it is.
[Girl-ish laugh.]
Your friend busted his walls pretty good the other day, she'll know him as well as me.
Great.
I made an impression.
I super really wanna meet him! Can I go back there? Say hi? [Girl-ish voice.]
Say hello Hell no!! Uh-uh.
Boss is deep busy today! He's making a really big announcement after the costume contest tonight, so Oooh! What announcement? Come on, you can tell us.
What y'all doing? Y'all giving birth? 'Cause that's what it looks like.
I'm not just some weird Internet gamer type of dude that is just gonna go for every single chick that flirts with me, okay? That was flirting! I'll stand right here.
In a stance of power.
Cross me if you want to.
What are we gonna do now? Wait the dufus out.
In the meantime Haven't got the chance to play the new demo yet! Recite to me the top of your rote.
OK.
Avast me audience! This be the Cheesybeards pirate warning you to listen! Or I'll cut your Internet with me cheesey mind! We may have to offer discount for the accent.
[People chanting.]
Squeeze that cheese! Squeeze that cheese! Squeeze that cheese! What's the meaning of this? I'm giving no one refunds! Your pirate friend blew me and my friends off for more important people.
He slammed the door on our faces! [Everyone together.]
Boo!! OK.
OK! Ladies, let's be real for a second Really on different levels and Hey, if the shoe had been on the other foot I want on record that as his manager I do not discriminate against anyone who's paying.
I'm equally unfond of everyone! Squeeze that cheese! Squeeze that cheese! This is a PR disaster! I'm not doing anything other famous people wouldn't do.
Right? Right, guys? Right? Come on, guys You? SHUT UP!! Hey! How are you doing? - Good.
- What's your name? Your padawan learns the hardest lesson: Never invite the wrath of fans.
Charity Er, Made Sigh.
These changes are retarded! They gimped flory arrows? What am I supposed to do, slash-hug them to death? Shhhh! We don't want him more demoralized.
Wait a second.
We've been playing for two hours! - Your point? - Well There's the RTX guy! They are gonna talk business.
We gotta hear what they're talking about! We can't just barge in there! Well, what then? Check it.
- Hey, hero! - Uh? Hi.
Wow!! [Nervous laugh.]
Wanna take down the Hydra boss at the Wallarn Pools? - Yeahhh - Here Join our party and we can chat too.
So with girls? Real girls? Yes! Warrior for hire.
Cool! - What are you doing? - Shhhh! Keep your finger on the push-to-talk button! - Cool? - Cool.
- Baby - Baby? This is so hot! Finally, someone who embraces a stereotype! I can hear them talking.
Awesome plan! Ladies? Are you ready to jet? In a sec, keep pressing! Wait, wait, wait Floyd just asked for their business plan! Oh my God! Ladies!! Hehe.
You're cute, but I'm kinda dying over here.
So are we.
You gotta be kidding! Codex, you were right! We gotta tell the Guild! Ladies? Ladies??