The Wonder Years s05e09 Episode Script
Christmas Party
Every year when I was a kid, my parents threw a Christmas party.
Everybody in the neighborhood came.
Dad played the "big cheese" Mom played "Donna Reed".
And a really stupid time was had by all.
It was a time when hopes were high.
When the neighborhood was young.
It was fun, before fun got socomplicated.
Before life got so Voila! Simple.
- What's this? - Salisbury steak.
See? Oh By December of 1971.
My family was afloat in the conveniences of modern life.
Whether we liked it or not.
Hey, Mom? What happened to, ya know, likedinner? Oh, well, with classes todayI didn't get home in time to cook.
So I stopped by the market to pick these up.
Why? Is anything wrong? No.
After allMom was goin' to college part-time, now.
She deserved our support.
As for Dad So how was work today, honey? Lousy.
Well, Dad was Dad.
Jack - you think you could help me with the party invitations this weekend? Me? Yeah, I have a mid-term on Monday - I've gotta study.
- WellBut, I gotta go to the off - We gotta get that coffee urn out of the garage.
And I'm not sure that it's still working So maybe you could check it for rust? I'll take a look.
Mom? Dad? You sure you want to have thisChristmas party this year? Course, I was just an ignorant teen-ager.
But it seemed to me this was a bad time to be throwing a neighborhood bash.
Don't be silly, honey! Of course were having the party! Why? WellBecause we always have a party.
Isn't that right, Jack? And there ya had it.
Come yuletide or high-water, or Salisbury steak The annual Arnold Christmas shindig lived on.
Hurry up with those lights.
Not that I hated parties, you understand.
What I hated was Watch it, Kevin! Hah? Helping out.
Those bulbs cost me thirty-two cents apiece! Right, Dad.
Every year, for two weeks before the big night Dad roped us into something akin to indentured servitude.
Kinda likeelves.
Dad? Do I have to stand here? No! You can go sweep off the driveway And hose out those ice-buckets for spiders.
I don't want you guys to run out of ice Saturday night.
Got that? It was humiliating.
You know, uh, DadI've been thinking, you know, maybe Iwouldn't come to the party this year.
Yeah, me too.
What do you mean not come to the party? Well, I don't want to hang out with your friends.
I've got my own life.
Me, too! You know, I'm not a little kid anymore.
I could be a father.
Me, too! But even iron-clad logic couldn't alter one unescapable fact.
The neighbors.
Heh-heh.
Hey, Jack! Gettin' ready for the big shindig? Sure am! That was Ed Ermin.
King of lawn-care.
Biggest wheel on the block.
The whole damn neighborhood's lookin' forward to this party, you know! Wouldn't be the holidays without a night at the Arnold's! - You bet! - Ya-ha-ha.
Seeya later, OK?! Yeah.
You bet.
So, Dad? What!? About the party? What do you say? Make sure there's ice.
Well, think of it this way.
At least I could take solice in the firm knowledge no one else I knew had any great plans for the holidays.
Skiing! You're going skiing?! Yeah.
My parents are takin' me.
It's gonna be great! I don't believe this! What about you? You want to do somethin' over the holidays? Oh, I can't.
Going to Montana.
Getting my sister out of a commune! Made you wonder whatever happened to the days when all people did on Christmas Was watch football and over-eat.
- WellSeeya on the slopes.
- Yeah.
My friends were deserting me.
It was clear if I was gonna survive this vacation, I needed - - Winnie! - Kevin, hi! Will I see you at my parents' party Saturday night? Oh Yeah.
Good old Winnie.
Gee, Kevin, I'm afraid my parents already made plans.
They did? OK - a temporary set-back.
Still, with the right sales-pitch You can come by yourself! I mean, there's gonna be food, andTwister It-it's gonna be a blast! - I don't know - Oh, Winniecome on! What could possibly be more fun than that? We're marching in a vigil to end the war in Viet Nam.
- Maybe after Christmas.
- Right.
As the party got nearer, two things became obvious.
Shoulda kept the manual.
Onethe old coffee-maker wasn't working.
And twothe elves were getting restless.
- Hand me the manger, idiot! - No thanks.
- Wayne? - I'm on a break.
- Your brain's on break.
- Shut up, Dork.
Honey? I just spoke to Ida.
The Pfeiffer's won't be able to make it.
Alvin has to visit his mother in Florida.
And I ran into Joyce Medrakis.
They won't be able to make it, either.
Jack Maybehaving this party wasn't such a good idea after all.
And then that's when the first faint glimmer of hope appeared.
I mean we're so busy.
Karen won't be able to make it, anyway.
Maybe you're right.
And just for a secondIt seemed we might actually get out of this wing-ding.
Remember when we first got this? With the green-stamps? Just for a second, though.
Oh, no You remember the kids in the kitchen Pasting those things into the book Wayne always got 'em stuck on his elbow.
They were so cute Seems like yesterday.
"Seemed like yesterday".
Those dreaded three words could only mean one thing.
Norma? I think I can get this to work.
Wayne and I Were doomed.
"White Christmas" Party night.
And my parents, through some miracle of modern science, had managed to pull it off.
- Jack? Hurry up! - Norma! Where's my shot-glass?! - Oh, it's in the hutch! - It's not in the hutch! Oh, there it is on the stove.
Even if they did seem a little ragged around the edges.
We, on the other hand, were justhappy to be there.
So! Dad? How dry do you want your Martinis tonight, ah? Just crack the ice! Nice try! Still, for all their hard work and preparation The host and hostessWeren't exactly brimming with cheer.
Oh, no! This ambrosia's all runny And there aren't any raisins in it.
That's not how I woulda made it - I woulda made it with raisins in it.
It was almost as if they had lost sight of why they were throwing this bash in the first place.
Merry Christmas! Oh, Norma! The place looks lovely! Jack, you really knocked yourself out on those lights.
And then, they remembered.
Merry christmas! Merry Christmas! - The three Weisman's are here! - Happy holidays! Merry, merry! Make sure you hang that up, young man! And don't throw it on the bed with everything else! Yep - all the same old faces were here.
- Eww! Not to mention the same old furs.
- Bag! Still, you could feel the holiday spirit all through the house.
It was positively infectious.
Hey there, you little porcupine.
Hi, Mr.
Wannamaker.
Al Wannamaker.
The guy sold us our first set of used model trains in 1958.
Remember when you used to do your Jimmy Cagney? Huh? Huh? Come on - come on! Do your little Jimmy Cagney! Come on - come on - come on! Aw, what the hey - for old times sake.
"You dirty rat - you killed my brother!" Hello, you old duffer! And, for a while, anywayThings went on like they always had.
- Jack! - How's the short-game? Just great! I sank a putt last weekendwould have made you weep! Oh Uhya need a drink to go with that? Lemme, lemme mix ya one.
Well, actually, Jack, I don't drink anymore.
Yeah, I've been dry for five months! - No kiddin' - Nope - I feel like a million bucks.
Look at this.
I lost four inches.
Say, uhYou got any carrot juice? I'll look.
Hmmm.
Ever since my youngest went off to high school I just didn't know what to do with my time.
I know what you mean.
That's why I went back to coll - I can't tell youHow much therapy has changed my life! Mmmm You had the feeling this party was losing steam.
What it needed was a lift.
A shot in the arm.
Something like Look! The Foster's are here! Jack? Bill's here! Just what the doctor ordered.
Hey, hey, hey! Dad's old war-buddy, Bill Foster.
Bill, you old No party was completeWithout Bill and Marsha.
Or, in this caseBill and a woman half his age.
Oh, uhJack? Norma? This is Carol.
Obviously, this was a ticklish situation.
Where the hell is Marsha? Wh - has it been that long? Y-you know Marsha and I split.
- In April.
- Of course! Here.
This is for you.
Uh-huh.
And a partridge in a pear tree.
"Rudolf the Red-Nosed Reindeer" - big band Hey! It's some party in there, huh? Can I get you anything, Mr.
Ermin? Uhno, no, no Oh! Say! Has your father finished off that basement, yet? Huh? Uh, I'm gonna go take a look at this, 'kay? The strange thing was, Dad had finished off that basement fourteen years ago.
We need more chips.
Oh, in the cabinet, honey.
But it seemed there was more going on here, than just chips and dip.
Carol seems very, uhnice.
I don't want to talk about it! I mean, she's very, uhSophisticated! For her age.
"For her age"?! "For her age"?! Uh-oh.
Uh, Dad? Norma, for God's sake! The guy's old enough to be her father! II'm afraid something may be wrong with your urn.
This coffee's a little chilly.
And I suppose, there was really only one thing to say.
I have an idea! Let's play Twister! OK, OK! Left handred! And so, like some kind of prehistoric beast The party trudged on.
The laughter flowed The drinks were poured But something wasdifferent.
The thing is, no one else seemed to notice.
They just went, on doing what they always had, becausethey always had.
Holy cowI gotta get out of here.
It had all gotten too weird.
The only escape wasunderground.
What's that smell? Ooh! And right about thenis when it happened.
Hhh-h-hh - hi there, boys! Hi, Mr.
Ermin.
Now, there was there something wrong about this scene Maybe it was - Wayne? Kevin? What the hell's goin' on down here?Smells like a mattress is burnin'.
Jah-ah-ah-ah, I - IHey, hey, Jack! The boys and I were, werewe were just chatting about, uh About, uhuh Ouch! Ouch! Mmmm! Jack? What's that - And then came the dawn.
After years of sowing it, growing it, and mowing it Mr.
Ermin, king of lawn-carehad decided to smoke it.
In our basement.
Oh! Wayne.
Kevin.
Go to the garage and get some sodas.
- Why? - Because I said so.
Oooh And the restis history.
Think Mr.
Erminbuys it, or does he grow it himself? Ah, shut up! S'matter with you? Nothing, OK? But there was something wrong.
I knew it, Wayne knew it I'm just saying, you could have handled it a little better.
Better? How was I supposed to handle it better?! Tell me.
You simply could have asked him to leave.
Maybe Mom and Dad knew it, too.
You've known him for twenty years, Jack.
Then he shouldn't have done somethin' so stupid! No - you should not have pushed him all the way up the stairs - he could have gotten hurt! The guy's a jerk! No - the man is a friend! Look, Norma! It was not my idea To have this damn party in the first place! Now it's my fault?! No, it - - Hi, Dad! - Hi, Mom! Get outta here.
What? Go to the store and get some soda.
We got sodas in the garage! Then go get more.
We took our time.
Didn't seem there was that much to go back to.
Still, that night - driving home through the neighborhood I grew up in I realized something.
There was a time I knew every family on the block.
Their kidsnames of their dogs But most of those families were gone now - scattered.
The ones who stayed were not the same.
The world had moved on.
My worldtheir world.
And only the lights remained the same.
Where'd everyone go? Man, what a bust.
It's pretty quiet in there.
Yeah.
Come on.
I wasn't sure what to expect - chaosmayhem "A Christmas Song" - Mel Torme Or, maybe, two love-birds on a couch.
Ahem! - We got some soda.
- Thanks, honey.
Well, I'll justput 'em in the 'fridge.
In a way, it was crazy.
There they sat - amidst the wreckage of a party gone wrong And they didn't seem to care.
Mom? Dad? Sorry about what happened.
Oh, it's OK, honey.
Maybe it'll be better next year.
Maybe UhI guess I better clean up.
Ohlet it wait till tomorrow.
And I guess that's when I understood.
For Mom and Dad, the party hadn't been a disaster.
For as much as things were changing all around them What Jack and Norma had - what drew people to their house every Christmas for sixteen years Was still the same.
The thing they started out with.
The one they'd never lose.
My parents never did throw another Christmas bash.
And that was OK - I guess.
But I still think about those parties.
What they stood for.
The time before TV dinners and two-car families.
And grass was green and we were young And those nights when I'd lie awake in my bed Watching the light dance under my door.
And listeningfor my father's laugh.
Bill! Marsha! Son of a gun °¨»çÇÕ´Ï´Ù.
Á¦ÀÛ : iamy1004 (iamy1004@hanmail.
net)
Everybody in the neighborhood came.
Dad played the "big cheese" Mom played "Donna Reed".
And a really stupid time was had by all.
It was a time when hopes were high.
When the neighborhood was young.
It was fun, before fun got socomplicated.
Before life got so Voila! Simple.
- What's this? - Salisbury steak.
See? Oh By December of 1971.
My family was afloat in the conveniences of modern life.
Whether we liked it or not.
Hey, Mom? What happened to, ya know, likedinner? Oh, well, with classes todayI didn't get home in time to cook.
So I stopped by the market to pick these up.
Why? Is anything wrong? No.
After allMom was goin' to college part-time, now.
She deserved our support.
As for Dad So how was work today, honey? Lousy.
Well, Dad was Dad.
Jack - you think you could help me with the party invitations this weekend? Me? Yeah, I have a mid-term on Monday - I've gotta study.
- WellBut, I gotta go to the off - We gotta get that coffee urn out of the garage.
And I'm not sure that it's still working So maybe you could check it for rust? I'll take a look.
Mom? Dad? You sure you want to have thisChristmas party this year? Course, I was just an ignorant teen-ager.
But it seemed to me this was a bad time to be throwing a neighborhood bash.
Don't be silly, honey! Of course were having the party! Why? WellBecause we always have a party.
Isn't that right, Jack? And there ya had it.
Come yuletide or high-water, or Salisbury steak The annual Arnold Christmas shindig lived on.
Hurry up with those lights.
Not that I hated parties, you understand.
What I hated was Watch it, Kevin! Hah? Helping out.
Those bulbs cost me thirty-two cents apiece! Right, Dad.
Every year, for two weeks before the big night Dad roped us into something akin to indentured servitude.
Kinda likeelves.
Dad? Do I have to stand here? No! You can go sweep off the driveway And hose out those ice-buckets for spiders.
I don't want you guys to run out of ice Saturday night.
Got that? It was humiliating.
You know, uh, DadI've been thinking, you know, maybe Iwouldn't come to the party this year.
Yeah, me too.
What do you mean not come to the party? Well, I don't want to hang out with your friends.
I've got my own life.
Me, too! You know, I'm not a little kid anymore.
I could be a father.
Me, too! But even iron-clad logic couldn't alter one unescapable fact.
The neighbors.
Heh-heh.
Hey, Jack! Gettin' ready for the big shindig? Sure am! That was Ed Ermin.
King of lawn-care.
Biggest wheel on the block.
The whole damn neighborhood's lookin' forward to this party, you know! Wouldn't be the holidays without a night at the Arnold's! - You bet! - Ya-ha-ha.
Seeya later, OK?! Yeah.
You bet.
So, Dad? What!? About the party? What do you say? Make sure there's ice.
Well, think of it this way.
At least I could take solice in the firm knowledge no one else I knew had any great plans for the holidays.
Skiing! You're going skiing?! Yeah.
My parents are takin' me.
It's gonna be great! I don't believe this! What about you? You want to do somethin' over the holidays? Oh, I can't.
Going to Montana.
Getting my sister out of a commune! Made you wonder whatever happened to the days when all people did on Christmas Was watch football and over-eat.
- WellSeeya on the slopes.
- Yeah.
My friends were deserting me.
It was clear if I was gonna survive this vacation, I needed - - Winnie! - Kevin, hi! Will I see you at my parents' party Saturday night? Oh Yeah.
Good old Winnie.
Gee, Kevin, I'm afraid my parents already made plans.
They did? OK - a temporary set-back.
Still, with the right sales-pitch You can come by yourself! I mean, there's gonna be food, andTwister It-it's gonna be a blast! - I don't know - Oh, Winniecome on! What could possibly be more fun than that? We're marching in a vigil to end the war in Viet Nam.
- Maybe after Christmas.
- Right.
As the party got nearer, two things became obvious.
Shoulda kept the manual.
Onethe old coffee-maker wasn't working.
And twothe elves were getting restless.
- Hand me the manger, idiot! - No thanks.
- Wayne? - I'm on a break.
- Your brain's on break.
- Shut up, Dork.
Honey? I just spoke to Ida.
The Pfeiffer's won't be able to make it.
Alvin has to visit his mother in Florida.
And I ran into Joyce Medrakis.
They won't be able to make it, either.
Jack Maybehaving this party wasn't such a good idea after all.
And then that's when the first faint glimmer of hope appeared.
I mean we're so busy.
Karen won't be able to make it, anyway.
Maybe you're right.
And just for a secondIt seemed we might actually get out of this wing-ding.
Remember when we first got this? With the green-stamps? Just for a second, though.
Oh, no You remember the kids in the kitchen Pasting those things into the book Wayne always got 'em stuck on his elbow.
They were so cute Seems like yesterday.
"Seemed like yesterday".
Those dreaded three words could only mean one thing.
Norma? I think I can get this to work.
Wayne and I Were doomed.
"White Christmas" Party night.
And my parents, through some miracle of modern science, had managed to pull it off.
- Jack? Hurry up! - Norma! Where's my shot-glass?! - Oh, it's in the hutch! - It's not in the hutch! Oh, there it is on the stove.
Even if they did seem a little ragged around the edges.
We, on the other hand, were justhappy to be there.
So! Dad? How dry do you want your Martinis tonight, ah? Just crack the ice! Nice try! Still, for all their hard work and preparation The host and hostessWeren't exactly brimming with cheer.
Oh, no! This ambrosia's all runny And there aren't any raisins in it.
That's not how I woulda made it - I woulda made it with raisins in it.
It was almost as if they had lost sight of why they were throwing this bash in the first place.
Merry Christmas! Oh, Norma! The place looks lovely! Jack, you really knocked yourself out on those lights.
And then, they remembered.
Merry christmas! Merry Christmas! - The three Weisman's are here! - Happy holidays! Merry, merry! Make sure you hang that up, young man! And don't throw it on the bed with everything else! Yep - all the same old faces were here.
- Eww! Not to mention the same old furs.
- Bag! Still, you could feel the holiday spirit all through the house.
It was positively infectious.
Hey there, you little porcupine.
Hi, Mr.
Wannamaker.
Al Wannamaker.
The guy sold us our first set of used model trains in 1958.
Remember when you used to do your Jimmy Cagney? Huh? Huh? Come on - come on! Do your little Jimmy Cagney! Come on - come on - come on! Aw, what the hey - for old times sake.
"You dirty rat - you killed my brother!" Hello, you old duffer! And, for a while, anywayThings went on like they always had.
- Jack! - How's the short-game? Just great! I sank a putt last weekendwould have made you weep! Oh Uhya need a drink to go with that? Lemme, lemme mix ya one.
Well, actually, Jack, I don't drink anymore.
Yeah, I've been dry for five months! - No kiddin' - Nope - I feel like a million bucks.
Look at this.
I lost four inches.
Say, uhYou got any carrot juice? I'll look.
Hmmm.
Ever since my youngest went off to high school I just didn't know what to do with my time.
I know what you mean.
That's why I went back to coll - I can't tell youHow much therapy has changed my life! Mmmm You had the feeling this party was losing steam.
What it needed was a lift.
A shot in the arm.
Something like Look! The Foster's are here! Jack? Bill's here! Just what the doctor ordered.
Hey, hey, hey! Dad's old war-buddy, Bill Foster.
Bill, you old No party was completeWithout Bill and Marsha.
Or, in this caseBill and a woman half his age.
Oh, uhJack? Norma? This is Carol.
Obviously, this was a ticklish situation.
Where the hell is Marsha? Wh - has it been that long? Y-you know Marsha and I split.
- In April.
- Of course! Here.
This is for you.
Uh-huh.
And a partridge in a pear tree.
"Rudolf the Red-Nosed Reindeer" - big band Hey! It's some party in there, huh? Can I get you anything, Mr.
Ermin? Uhno, no, no Oh! Say! Has your father finished off that basement, yet? Huh? Uh, I'm gonna go take a look at this, 'kay? The strange thing was, Dad had finished off that basement fourteen years ago.
We need more chips.
Oh, in the cabinet, honey.
But it seemed there was more going on here, than just chips and dip.
Carol seems very, uhnice.
I don't want to talk about it! I mean, she's very, uhSophisticated! For her age.
"For her age"?! "For her age"?! Uh-oh.
Uh, Dad? Norma, for God's sake! The guy's old enough to be her father! II'm afraid something may be wrong with your urn.
This coffee's a little chilly.
And I suppose, there was really only one thing to say.
I have an idea! Let's play Twister! OK, OK! Left handred! And so, like some kind of prehistoric beast The party trudged on.
The laughter flowed The drinks were poured But something wasdifferent.
The thing is, no one else seemed to notice.
They just went, on doing what they always had, becausethey always had.
Holy cowI gotta get out of here.
It had all gotten too weird.
The only escape wasunderground.
What's that smell? Ooh! And right about thenis when it happened.
Hhh-h-hh - hi there, boys! Hi, Mr.
Ermin.
Now, there was there something wrong about this scene Maybe it was - Wayne? Kevin? What the hell's goin' on down here?Smells like a mattress is burnin'.
Jah-ah-ah-ah, I - IHey, hey, Jack! The boys and I were, werewe were just chatting about, uh About, uhuh Ouch! Ouch! Mmmm! Jack? What's that - And then came the dawn.
After years of sowing it, growing it, and mowing it Mr.
Ermin, king of lawn-carehad decided to smoke it.
In our basement.
Oh! Wayne.
Kevin.
Go to the garage and get some sodas.
- Why? - Because I said so.
Oooh And the restis history.
Think Mr.
Erminbuys it, or does he grow it himself? Ah, shut up! S'matter with you? Nothing, OK? But there was something wrong.
I knew it, Wayne knew it I'm just saying, you could have handled it a little better.
Better? How was I supposed to handle it better?! Tell me.
You simply could have asked him to leave.
Maybe Mom and Dad knew it, too.
You've known him for twenty years, Jack.
Then he shouldn't have done somethin' so stupid! No - you should not have pushed him all the way up the stairs - he could have gotten hurt! The guy's a jerk! No - the man is a friend! Look, Norma! It was not my idea To have this damn party in the first place! Now it's my fault?! No, it - - Hi, Dad! - Hi, Mom! Get outta here.
What? Go to the store and get some soda.
We got sodas in the garage! Then go get more.
We took our time.
Didn't seem there was that much to go back to.
Still, that night - driving home through the neighborhood I grew up in I realized something.
There was a time I knew every family on the block.
Their kidsnames of their dogs But most of those families were gone now - scattered.
The ones who stayed were not the same.
The world had moved on.
My worldtheir world.
And only the lights remained the same.
Where'd everyone go? Man, what a bust.
It's pretty quiet in there.
Yeah.
Come on.
I wasn't sure what to expect - chaosmayhem "A Christmas Song" - Mel Torme Or, maybe, two love-birds on a couch.
Ahem! - We got some soda.
- Thanks, honey.
Well, I'll justput 'em in the 'fridge.
In a way, it was crazy.
There they sat - amidst the wreckage of a party gone wrong And they didn't seem to care.
Mom? Dad? Sorry about what happened.
Oh, it's OK, honey.
Maybe it'll be better next year.
Maybe UhI guess I better clean up.
Ohlet it wait till tomorrow.
And I guess that's when I understood.
For Mom and Dad, the party hadn't been a disaster.
For as much as things were changing all around them What Jack and Norma had - what drew people to their house every Christmas for sixteen years Was still the same.
The thing they started out with.
The one they'd never lose.
My parents never did throw another Christmas bash.
And that was OK - I guess.
But I still think about those parties.
What they stood for.
The time before TV dinners and two-car families.
And grass was green and we were young And those nights when I'd lie awake in my bed Watching the light dance under my door.
And listeningfor my father's laugh.
Bill! Marsha! Son of a gun °¨»çÇÕ´Ï´Ù.
Á¦ÀÛ : iamy1004 (iamy1004@hanmail.
net)