Workin' Moms (2017) s05e09 Episode Script

1 (ENGINE REVS, BRAKES SCREECH) (ENGINE RUMBLES) SLOANE: Oh, you are such a bummer! You're such a fucking bummer! I'm gonna need you to return the child.
- (APPROACHING RUNNING FOOTSTEPS) - (GROANS) CEECEE: Oh my God! You're okay! Hey, come to me! Yeah, Mummy's got you.
It's okay.
Come on, we're gonna go.
- Ceecee! - (CAR DOOR SLAMS) - Will you just let me explain? - No! I'm not doing this! What do you wanna talk about?! (BOTH WOMEN SHOUTING) CEECEE: What?! She's not yours! Fine.
(SLOANE WHISPERS TO OLIVIA) (GATE LATCH CLICKS) (ENGINE HUMS) (FOOTSTEPS THUD) (DOOR OPENS) (SLAMS SHUT) It was nice of that lady to let you hug her kid That's my kid.
I mean, she's my sister's kid.
But technically, she's my kid.
I'm not following.
She couldn't get pregnant, so I got pregnant for her.
Oh my God, Sloane, I had no idea.
She gave me her kidney when we were kids.
- I figured it was a fair trade.
- That's not the same.
(SIGHS) I didn't think it would be a big deal.
Just pop her out, hand her over, call it a day.
But I don't know.
She means something to me.
And every year around her birthday, I just go a little nuts.
- Something's wrong with me.
- Nothing's wrong with you.
You carried a baby you couldn't keep.
And now Ceecee won't even let me see her.
I think she's like me, you know? She doesn't take any shit.
(LAUGHING) I would be breastfeeding her and the milk would run out, and she would get so pissed.
These little fists punching at my tits.
You breastfed her? Yeah.
Yeah.
For a whole year.
Anyway Ceecee was pretty threatened by how close Olivia and I were.
So she decided it would be best if I just didn't see her for a while.
- (SNIFFLES) - Okay.
You shouldn't be alone tonight.
- You're coming to my place.
- I'm-I'm fine.
I'm fine, I'm like hungry, I'm just hungry.
I brought cake.
She's not gonna have any.
- You want some? - Did you you made that? Oh, okay.
I think I got a fork somewhere.
Oh fuck, I think I forgot the eggs.
There's the big five-year-old boy! Ah, I can't believe I have to go to court all day, and miss his birthday.
Hey, but the real one's this weekend, right, Buddy? - Coffee? - Right.
Thanks.
So are, are we okay? I mean, about the whole Marlene Podeski thing? Oh, what? About my ex dropping dead? I'm sorry, I know I, I know I didn't handle it very well.
You didn't, but I'm fine.
Besides, we have bigger problems.
The woman who's been crying in our shower - for the last 45 minutes? - Yeah, sure, Sloane.
That's the big mentor you love? Yeah, I did try her skirt on there for a second, but uh - it turns out, not a fit.
- Is she okay? She just had a night.
You see, she has a kid, uh, who's not her kid, but also is her kid.
Hmm? - What? - It's a long story.
You know how she like, comes off like, she has all this confidence, but underneath it, there are layers there.
Let's just say she's earned the right - to the occasional meltdown.
- (LAUGHS) Ooh, speaking of meltdowns, I better get these Mardi Gras floats to school before they have one of their own.
- Yeah, thank you.
- Oh, jeez.
- Guys! - Good luck with uh Oh yeah, she just needs time, you know, to feel her feelings.
She'll probably take the day off of work.
SLOANE: Kate! Start the car.
I've gotta chew out my assistant today, so I wanna get in early! - So which layer was that? - (SMALL LAUGH) Good morning! Ohh! - Breakfast in bed? - Mm-hmm.
Yay! Oh! Love it, love it, love it.
Um, where's the coffee, Shithead? Anywhere but inside you, Idiot.
- You're pregnant, remember? - Yeah, obviously.
- Hmm.
- So, any plans tonight? No.
I am all yours.
Mm, good, because I'm all yours, too.
- Hmm.
- I guess we're exclusive.
- Mm-hmm.
- (LAUGHS) Ohh it's so true what they say.
Aww, what's that? The baby weight, it really shows on the face first.
- What? - Like, I mean, there's like, - a general thickening happening.
- What the fuck? You don't look too uneven anywhere, but you are wearing that first trimester weight very well.
So look, I will see you later, my sexy little fatso! Yeah! I really wish you didn't have to go.
I told you, I am handling Cheryl for us.
Plus, I'd rather tell Wiley I'm quitting in person.
It seems like the classy thing to do.
It is, totally.
Do you think you could actually quit for me, too? Hmm, that doesn't sound very classy.
But okay, I'll do it.
- I will take care of everything.
- Okay.
Hey, bye! In 72 hours, you and I will be walking the streets of Toronto like we never left.
Hmm! Oh Val, thank you for everything.
Mm-hmm, hmm, hmm! One down, three to go.
- What's that? - Hmm? Oh.
Stay as long as you like.
(FRONT DOOR CREAKS OPEN THEN SHUTS) Alice! - Aah! What?! - Get up! Your Dad's not going all the way back to Cochrane to confront our mortal enemy just so you can sleep in bed all day.
Well, what else am I supposed to do? I'm suspended, remember? You're not suspended in Toronto.
I have a meeting, and then we're getting you - enrolled somewhere.
Up! - (SIGHS) - Come one, let's go.
- (GROANS) Oh yeah, I'm loving what you're doing here, Bud, with the blue, and the movement.
It's yeah, okay, Rhodes, let's ah, let's see your teddy bear.
Again with the Rat Girl? You guys, I gotta take five.
(SIGHS) Yo, Frankie, did you see this? What's that? (READS) "A glass pane dropped several storeys "when a pigeon flew into the window.
"Fortunately, this time there were no human casualties, only one very stunned bird.
" I'm pretty sure this is your building.
Man what a piece of shit! (DOOR CREAKS OPEN) Frankie! Please tell me you talked some sense - into Brody's Dad.
- A pigeon? Really, Ron? What's next? A gust of wind? - Hang on.
I can explain.
- Explain what?! That you're a shoddy business owner who's skimping on materials while trying to pin the entire thing on me! Okay.
You're right.
You're absolutely right.
But look, I'm reinforcing all the windows as we speak.
And I'm talking top-of-the-line material here! Hmm.
But I could use your support in turning this thing around.
- (GLASS SHATTERS) - WORKER: For Christ's sake! - Come here, quick! - (SIGHS) Okay, fine, we may have cut some corners.
But before you get on your high horse Yeah, uh, let me just stop you right there.
I did speak to Brody's Dad.
And I think I echo his sentiments when he says go fuck yourself.
He's comin' for ya.
Better lawyer up, Ronald.
Mmm! (PLASTIC RUSTLES) (SNIFFING) - You're in the gassy phase? - Mm! Yep, guess I'm just fat and farty now.
Oh well, you make it work.
Anyway, I thought maybe me and my boyfriend could go dancing tonight? Are you kidding? You know, first trimester's the riskiest.
It's probably wise we stay in, take care of you.
Speaking of which (PILLS RATTLE) Prenatal vitamins.
I noticed you weren't taking any.
Mm, folic acid.
So romantic! I'm just trying to offset your dumb genes.
Yeah, you just get me that file as soon as you can.
I've got good news, and bad news.
Shit.
It was that book tour, wasn't it? The "Punch Dad" thing? Did it tank the book? - Fuck! - Anne, relax.
I'm sure it's fine.
Did "Punch Dad" tank the book? Well, let's just say it changed the book.
But the good news is, there's still hope.
What the fuck is that?! It's your new book cover, Superstar.
(BOOK THUDS) - Is this a joke? - It's called a pivot.
You have a new pro-corporal punishment fanbase, and our market research suggests that this cover will appeal to 'em.
- Wha-? - How? If you don't lay down the law, before you know it, your kid will be brandishing a firearm, so Lay down the law? This entire fucking book is about not laying down the law! But we just need to get 'em to the cash register, Anne.
This is my kid that you're talking about! - This is my little - Okay, okay, okay, okay.
Hold on.
Hold on.
Just give me a minute, okay? I'll fix this.
Kate, putting that on the cover - is gonna destroy Alice's life.
- I know, trust me.
Okay? I'm gonna take care of this.
I got you.
Go.
Go, go, go.
(PHONE BUZZES) (ANNE SIGHS HEAVILY) Hey, you can't do this.
Actually, I can, everything on social media is public domain.
But Anne's book is a love letter to her daughter.
This cover is completely misleading.
Okay, what is your point, Kate? Please, Sloane, you've had a child, - you've gotta understand this.
- All right, this is just It is not just business! Okay, that is my best friend, and that is her 14-year-old daughter you're exploiting.
Huh.
Exploiting children.
Wasn't that your pitch? Now, why don't you do your job, before you don't have one anymore.
Fuck! (CAR RUMBLES) Why are you looking at me like that? Nothing, it's just, I was, I've got a lot on my mind.
Wait, where are we? Oh my God, you want to send me to an all-girls' school? You're kidding, right? I, I'd be surrounded by stuck-up princesses! Why can't I just go back to my old school? Because that place was terrible, and it brought out the worst in you, and you are not the worst, okay? You're the best! Sure you've made some mistakes, but this could be a fresh start.
You're a great kid who only fired a gun once, and I love you very much! Are you okay? I'm just trying to do what's best for you.
Just please keep an open mind.
Kill me now.
- (STUDENTS LAUGH AND CHATTER) - (CAR DOOR SLAMS) At St.
Justina's, our ladies are held to the highest standards, and go on to become female leaders, and role models of tomorrow.
Hear that? Female leaders of tomorrow.
More like stuck-up bitches of tomorrow.
(CLEARS THROAT) Now, in this classroom, you'll see Mrs.
Murphy, one of our longest standing faculty members.
- (GIRLS LAUGH LOUDLY) - She also runs the Drama Club.
Oh wow! (GIRLS LAUGH AND SHOUT) - GIRL 1: Right here! Yeah! - GIRL 2: Okay, get off me! (GIRLS LAUGH LOUDLY) - Okay! Okay! - (ALL LAUGH) You're holding the flame too close! - It's gonna char my ass cheeks! - (GIRLS LAUGH LOUDLY) I'm laughing so hard, I can't (LAUGHS) Oh, sorry, I was just Guys! Guys! It's coming! Don't just stand there, come and grab a leg! - Come, come, come! - (GIRLS LAUGH LOUDLY) - Okay! Grab her leg, yep! Yep! - Like this? - Yeah.
Okay, Amber, rip it! - Okay! - (FARTS) - GIRLS: Blue angel! (ALL LAUGH HYSTERICALLY) Oh my God! (LAUGHS) FRANKIE: Is that my sweet petite with a side of rat? - Ooh! Hello! Muah! - Oh! She's reading the newspaper now? She loves the comics section.
I thought you were the one who got her onto it.
No, no, no, we read the obituaries.
Have you seen this? Oh, dear lord.
Is that Rat Girl? No, it's "Rat Rhonda" apparently.
(GASPS) Holy shit, she stole it! How long do you think she has been reading these? - No idea! - That? Months.
We read 'em together.
Haven't you seen her artwork? It's all over the fuckin' house.
Come on, Rhodes, let's go get something to eat.
- Oh, She ate already.
- Yeah, well, I don't know why you have to shame her, but, okay.
All this time, I thought she was a prodigy, but Oh Lord, no! She's a fraud.
A copy-rat copy-cat! Okay, let's not forget we're talking about a child here.
Her fancy new art school can't know.
This can follow a person, Frankie.
Which is why we're never gonna mention it to anyone.
- (PARTY BLOWER HONKS) - NATHAN: I'm sorry.
It sounds like you're having a rough day.
- How's the birthday party? - Oh my God, Nathan, it is so much worse than we thought.
He literally has no friends.
He's just sitting in the corner, blowing that stupid birthday blower, I don't have the heart to tell him that no one's coming.
Ah, shit, I gotta get back in there.
Call me back! What do you think, Charlie, you want to um you want to play freeze dance, just me and you? - Hmm? Again? - (DOOR CREAKS, SLAMS) - What - Knock, knock.
- I'm so happy to see you! - (LAUGHS) (AXE AND CHARLIE LAUGH) God, poor guy.
I still can't believe no one showed up to this.
I don't care how anxiety-ridden a kid is, it's an unwritten law that you show up to birthday parties.
Wait, you think this is about Charlie? He gets very overwhelmed at school, and kinda shuts down, so It's because of the nude, you idiot.
What? Is it true you sent it on purpose? And you said that they should learn to "use dem holes?" I was trying to be casual.
I obviously didn't send dem them on purpose.
I was, I was humiliated! (LAUGHS) So my holes ruined his birthday party.
Oh my God.
Yes, we take it very seriously at Techcellent.
Sorry, it's my snack break.
Hey! Gena! - Hmm? - Wait up a sec! Ohh! - Ah! You got a tampon? - (SIGHS) You should really keep backups with you at work.
Like you ever need them, you're always pregnant.
What? Oh my God, just give it to me! Hmm! (LAUGHS) Thank you.
(PHONE RINGS, STAFF CHATTER) (DOOR LATCH CLICKS) You mind telling me what you were doing in there, Jenny? It's called peeing, stalker? You should try it some time.
Hmm, with a tampon? How did you yes! With a tampon, because Because? Because I'm spotting, okay? Seriously? Are you okay? D-Do you need to sit down? A glass of water? - What do you need? - OMG, alarmist, much? It's perfectly normal in the beginning.
Read a parenting book, Dicknose.
Okay! Yeah, you're right.
Um, well, is there anything I can get for you? I could use a soup.
(SMALL LAUGH) (SIGHS) - - (KEYS JINGLE, LATCH CLICKS, DOOR CREAKS OPEN, SHUTS) (CAMERA SHUTTER CLICKS) (FRONT DOOR OPENS) Sorry, I think Ella's online shopping? Ah, no, no, no, no, no! - Hey, she's bleeding me dry.
- Ohh! Is this a party, or a playdate? It's a party now! Hi, Alice! Charlie, look how many buddies you got here! - Hi.
- Sorry we're late, I was enrolling Alice and Jayme in school, - and I just got really - Wait.
Are you? - We're moving back.
- Oh my God, Dude! Shit! That's huge! Wait, are you back in your house? No, the tenants have it for another six months.
I don't even know where we're gonna live.
It doesn't matter! All that matters is you're back! Oh! Come on, dance with me! Unh! Ah! Uh! I'm not really in the mood to dance.
It's just that book cover thing really threw me.
Listen, I promise I will do everything in my power.
Great.
Because I'm freaking out.
Of course.
But it's Charlie's big day, so let's focus on him, and eat some fucking cake! All right, come on, Buddy! It's party time now! I might forget to Turn out all the lights But you take care of me When I have to leave Yeah! Cheese! - Who wants some cake?! - (ALL CHEER) Happy birthday to you! (ALL CHEER) (ALL APPLAUD) - Yay! - KATE: Oh my! (ALL LAUGH) Let me see your tongue, go like this! Aah! Ohhh! - All right.
- (LAUGHING) Before you slam the door, I have cake.
(SIGHS) I'm just really sorry, Frank.
I really fucked up.
Rat Girl was Rhoda's, and I had no right to take it like that.
I just got caught up in something, and you deserve - a million times better.
- No, no, no, apology accepted.
- Huh? Oh, really? - Mm-hmm.
Because I want you to know that I am deeply - We're good.
- Are we? Mm-hmm, yeah.
It's not like her drawings were intellectual property.
(LAUGHS WRYLY) Sure, I I guess I just, I thought this would be harder, - I don't know.
- Why would it be harder? It's like water under the bridge.
- Okay, you being very cool.
- I am cool.
- Why are you fighting this? - I'm not! I'm not! I'm relieved! I've hey, I've missed you, man.
- Aww, I missed you, too.
- (HAPPY GROAN) (DOOR SLAMS) So I spoke to Bob, and he agrees.
You can't afford to lose Sloane right now.
Okay, but what does he know? He's an accountant.
We're gonna have to get a second mortgage.
I mean, I could've told you that before spending even more money on fuckin' Bob the accountant! Okay, I'm sorry, but we can do it, right? Because I-I ca I can't go through with this cover.
Anne will never talk to me again.
I get it.
You want to protect your friend.
But you should have thought about that before putting all your stock into a lunatic, and buying an entire company! Because if you go with Anne on this you're out of a job, and we, your family, are fucked.
(MAIL THUMPS, RECEDING FOOTSTEPS) (SIGHS) There's no fuckin' way.
- - - - (ENVELOPE RUSTLES) (ENVELOPE RUSTLES) Oh! I'd like to know - Who you think I am - Fack!