Better Things (2016) s05e10 Episode Script

1 Oh, I wake up ♪ Looking at my ♪ Go to bed looking at my ♪ Take a nap looking at my ♪ Robot ♪ Yes, I find the time ♪ Looking at my ♪ Send a note looking at my ♪ Make a date looking at my ♪ Robot ♪ Oh, I find my way looking at my ♪ Buy my shit looking at my ♪ Get the news looking at my ♪ Robot ♪ Yes, I get paid ♪ Looking at my ♪ Get laid looking at my ♪ Eat my food looking at my ♪ Robot ♪ Oh, I fried an egg ♪ Looking at my ♪ Broke a leg looking at my ♪ Got a job looking at my ♪ Robot ♪ Yes, I read a book looking at my ♪ Broke up looking at my ♪ Hit a truck ♪ Looking at my ♪ Robot ♪ Oh, my God.
Cut.
Oh.
Amazing, huh? Yo, Adrian.
Yes! It's all for you, Damien! Shit.
Ugh! Fuck.
Sam Fox.
On the scene.
Childhood.
Nostalgia.
Down there is the playground where I used to hang out and, uh That's where I kissed a boy for the first time.
And for the record, I kissed him.
And then he put his hand under my T-shirt.
So Up here, that is the window where I used to sneak cigarettes.
Marion never smoked because he is perfect.
- Hi.
- Oh.
Hi.
Hi.
Sorry.
I I'm not creeping on your house.
I just I used to play on that playground, and I-I lived there.
That used to be my house.
Right on.
Can I Oh.
Well Okay, you don't have to slam it.
Jesus.
It's amazing what you can see.
So cool.
Last time.
Yes.
Hmm.
Oh.
Uh, h-hi.
Hello.
Hi, Sam.
May I come in? Yes, yes.
I was just, uh giving my chicken carcass a happy ending.
Come on, boys, let's go.
Come on in.
I was just making stock.
Making stock.
Um Do you want some Radish? I'm just gonna say it out loud.
It's hell for me to be around your mother.
Actual torture.
Oh.
Wow.
It's because Phyllis reminds me of my mother.
She's got that same survivor, cultural mercenary, flowers blooming out of shit and ash mentality.
My mother was a cruel, petty, angry troll.
I did not like my mother, and she never liked me.
I knew I had to run away and avoid her until she died, and that's what I did.
I can't believe I just said that out loud.
Well was there anything about her that you liked? Well, I mean, she supported my whole family, and, uh, I suppose I got my work ethic from her.
But I also got the prickly, stultifying stuff from her.
You? No.
I know what I am.
Believe me.
Don't you think I'd rather be like you? Just hanging out.
Making everyone feel comfortable.
But, uh, I drive people away.
Everyone except for Marion.
I think he knows how to handle me because he's your mother's son.
If that makes sense.
Yeah.
It does.
I have arms because of her.
And it's that same stubbornness, it's that same babyish behavior that has driven me this close to matricide.
My mother tried to abort me, - like, eight different ways.
- Whoa.
And I'm not speaking hyperbolically.
And the worst part is she told me about every time.
See? Anatoly's mom isn't the only one.
The world is filled with mean moms.
Guess so.
Geez.
I, um have always been envious of you and Phil.
You two genuinely like each other.
No, it's true.
You do.
Wha You Bye.
Okay.
Uh, yes? Take my hand.
I have chicken fingers.
Okay It's okay.
Ow.
Strong.
Oh.
What is this? My brother said you needed something for the landing.
Your touching spot.
Your brother? Joe, the feng shui guy.
Oh! Your brother.
Okay.
And, also, your brother is - very hot.
- So's yours.
Ew.
No.
Now you have a little less of an empty nest.
I love it.
Thank you.
Thank you.
I accept.
You are the essence of this family.
You keep it going.
And, uh, if I've behaved badly, I'm sorry.
- Same, Caroline.
I'm sorry, too.
- It's "Caro-lynne.
" - I'm sorry for that, too.
- Okay.
Okay.
Let's put you in pride of place.
I can't lift that thing.
It's too heavy.
- Uh, I had somebody drop it off.
- Jesus.
- Oh.
Okay.
- It's bronze.
Be careful.
It-it's very valuable.
You're gonna have to have it insured.
Sammy.
These are going in the garage fridge.
We know.
We're in a hurry.
We have to pick up his suit.
Oh, Sammy, uh, Push has CBD cream for your hands.
Don't eat it.
Oh, my God, it's gonna be so cute.
- Hi, Push.
- Hey, Push.
Hi, Aunt Sammy.
- That's for you.
- Oh, thank you.
- You're welcome.
Mwah.
- Mwah.
- You okay? - Yeah, uh You guys, also, don't forget to bring your own chairs.
And come back soon.
Oh! Jesus.
Whoa Whoa.
I got my period, period.
It is the heaviest period I've ever seen, exclamation point.
Mark.
Is it normal to get your period now? Question mark.
At this time in your life? Question mark.
I never thought I would get my period again, period.
Also, don't forget to bring the candles, period.
And your own chairs, exclamation point.
Mark.
Because I saw a picture of her, like, crying on Instagram, - so I assumed she wasn't going - She posted - She posted a picture of her crying? - Oh, yeah, she posted that, and then I said, "Oh, send pictures if you're going.
" You okay? Yeah.
I'm fine.
Why? You're all flushed.
I am? Ooh.
That's a miracle, considering the amount of blood What is that smell? I don't smell anything.
- Oh, I smell something, too.
- Smells like anxiety.
And fish.
Oh.
Close your legs.
Whoever smelt it dealt it.
Okay, I'm sorry.
I'm done now.
Lol.
It's not me.
It's It's fish, the smell.
Oh, maybe it's Gefilte.
Oh, fish.
Her fish.
Thank God.
Yeah.
Honey, can we talk about this fish? This fish is the size of a koi.
Okay, it's too big for this tank.
Is it the fish? Is he dead? No.
No, he's very much alive.
He's like a 30-year-old who hasn't moved out yet.
What do you think he's thinking? He's not.
And how do you know they're a he? Well, I was just assuming because "Gefilte" is traditionally a boy's name.
Lol.
I think Field trip? Okay, just, everybody, let me just think about this for one sec.
Don't Just don't watch.
Let me just Okay.
Gefilte, congratulations.
You will be moving out of this fakakta studio apartment into a palatial estate.
Welcome to Dubai.
Good luck.
Break a fin.
Oh How's it going? Oh.
Hi.
Hi, there.
Fishing's over at the other end of the lake.
There are world-class bass, tilapia, trout.
And for that, you do need a license.
Okay, um, but we're not, we're not fishing.
No.
Not.
No fishing going on here.
Did you just dump a fish? No.
Not at all.
Would that be a bad thing? Well, it interferes with the ecosystem.
Can't introduce a saltwater fish to a freshwater lake.
Oh, God, we crossed the streams.
Literally.
And whatever kind of fish you dumped will have a very low chance of survival and can cause a massive amount of damage.
Oh, shit.
We were just trying to give him a better life.
Look, I get it, but you need to leave the stocking to us.
That means no dumping your own fish.
Are you kidding? This is more than parking in front of a fire hydrant.
Also, don't feed bread to the ducks.
Come on.
And, uh, have a nice day.
I I know where you live.
Excuse me? You have a purple built-in chest in your second bedroom closet.
I buried Barbies in the drywall in your garage.
Oh, my God.
I had a flood, and Barbies came out of the wall.
Are you the lady that was filming my house the other day? Yus.
I loved that house.
My parents lost it in bankruptcy.
Uh-huh.
I'm sorry.
That's hard.
If it's any consolation, it's not my house.
It's my parents'.
They left it to me.
They passed, but I remember them telling me how they were able to get it because they got such a good deal.
Oh.
Thanks.
You want to come by sometime? I-I don't know.
I could give you a proper tour.
Serious? Yeah, I would, I would really love that.
I-I-I just drive by every once in a while staring ghoulishly into it trying to capture old memories.
Yeah.
I've seen your car.
The El Camino.
- I love your car.
- Me, too.
Come by.
You know, let's pull up loose floorboards.
I would really like that.
So, still? Oh, yes.
Definitely.
Okay.
All right, people.
Let's get going.
We don't want to make the nice Fish and Game ranger mad with his nice gun.
What did he say? Take it easy.
That's gonna be your new daddy.
We're gonna live in Mommy's childhood house.
Honey? Can I get a hug? - Mom.
- Aw.
You, too, bloodless daughter.
Childhood.
- Where you going? - I'm going for a little walk.
Well, then take the dogs.
No, I'll be right back.
Okay.
I don't know.
And suck in for me.
Mm-hmm.
- Hi.
Come in.
- Hi.
Is this really happening? What am I doing? You're doing this because we are withered husks, and the pickings is slim.
- Hi.
- No, but seriously, honey, good job.
- Thank you.
- I mean, who could be better? He's been pre-disastered, like Garp.
Yeah, I guess so.
Hi.
I just want to thank you for having us here on your special day.
And, here.
This is for you.
- Money and love.
- Oh.
- Th-Thank you.
- Aw.
- Th-That's so kind.
- Not in that order.
That's really nice, Caroline.
- So sweet.
- For the record, I just have to say this.
This is a mistake.
All right? You can still get out of it.
It's not too late.
You don't know what you're doing.
You're You're scared.
You're vulnerable.
You're scared to be alone.
It's not a reason to do this to yourself again.
All right? He has scarred you.
And-and he has scarred all of us, as-as a family.
Scars make you stronger.
Sisters can destroy you.
And why would you wear white to my wedding? Fuck off, Felicia.
Yeah, uh, do you guys have a tampon? I don't have my period anymore.
- Do you want a tissue? - I just I'll just gonna slip away.
Oh.
How-how old is she now? She's still getting her period? Oh, Jesus! - Lock's broken.
- Yeah, we don't have locks on any of the doors.
House policy.
Goodbye.
Wait, wait, wait, wait.
Come back, come back.
Come in here.
Wh - Close the door.
- Okay.
Uh, yes? So, I guess this is, uh, it for us.
Old friends.
Yeah.
Okay.
Goodbye now.
Yes.
Thank you.
For this.
You okay? Yeah, I'm just chillin'.
I got a bad stomach.
I mean, are you sure about this whole thing? Oh, that.
Uh Not at all.
But it feels good, so I'm gonna go with that.
Except for my stomach.
Well, you're right where you should be then.
Excuse me.
Sorry to do this, but - Whoa, hey, soldier.
- I just got to That's why I came in.
All right.
You have fun.
Sammy? Can you come back in here and tap me on the shoulder? - This one's really gonna hurt.
- No.
Ew.
God bless! Friends.
Family.
Village so dear.
We are gathered here to reunite two of our people.
Sunny and Jeff.
I always thought that the first wedding that I would preside over would be a gay wedding.
Please.
And, as we all know, there's nothing gay about Sunny or Jeff, except their out and proud son, Push.
Go, Push! We all know that life takes us down some strange but familiar roads.
And the strangest, the most science experiment-y one, really, in fact, the meanest thing that can ever happen to you is your kids grow up.
This house was covered in glitter for years.
It was like a fairy murder crime scene.
And we survived all of it, and here I am now alone, staring into the abyss This is a real jawbreaker, buddy.
Uh - Now.
- Yeah.
Um Do you, Jeffrey Rosebud Rader, promise to think about Sunny's birthdays and anniversaries months ahead? And do you promise to take loving pictures of Sunny when she's not looking? And continue in your good ways? I do.
Do you, Sunny, promise to try to forget about the last 21 years? I do.
But, most importantly, do you promise to keep your sun shining for yourself? - I do.
- Aw.
I now pronounce you better for each other.
You may now grab face.
We break these glasses because, at this moment, we are at the height of our merriment and gaiety.
We're too gay! Because where there is rejoicing, there should also be trembling.
Woe, for we all must die.
Woe, for we all must die.
Memento mori.
- Bummer.
- Shh.
Sunny, Jeff, may your love for each other last longer than it would take to put these pieces of glass back together.
- Sing ye.
- Sing ye.
Let's eat! Sweetie, why are Jews called "the chosen people"? That seems unfair.
Can I have this? - You don't want none of this! - Lord, I am so happy it's not me getting married.
Don't mind if I don't.
Oh, I love weddings.
Doesn't the keto make your vagina smell weird? Yeah, well, I have that anyway.
I have a pussy.
- Pussies smell weird.
- I was keto for a year, and now I'm just thinking, did my pussy smell weird? Are you, though? If you had to leave in a hurry, what would you take, and what would you leave behind? The earth? Or leave your home? Oh, no, I was thinking, like, death.
Mom, if you had to leave right now, like, what would you take and what would you leave behind? I would sow my field in a circle and leave the four corners to those who need it.
Our dad said that at a seder once.
Your grandpa.
He would be very proud of you.
Jesus, bro, get ahold of yourself.
That's a rough one, man.
Poor guy.
Oh, my God.
I think there's hormones for men, aren't there? This is dinner! - Bro! - You found my baseball cards.
Where-where are the rest of them? And why did you write your name on Hank Aaron? Uh, those are my baseball cards.
Why do you - Why would they be yours? - Your ba Yeah, I may owe you some money.
Come here.
What? You gonna take me to the rest of the baseball cards? With my name on it? Stay there.
What is this? - Mom wanted you to have it.
- What? Aw, come on.
Is it Oh, shit.
Is that part of it? - The lights going out? - No.
- Hey.
- Hi.
- Need some help? - No.
You know what? I'm gonna check the generator.
Take care of your bride.
- Well, by "bride," I mean - Yeah, yeah.
- Can you - Hey, buddy.
Yeah.
You okay? Yeah, this whole day.
This, uh This whole year.
Yeah.
I miss smoking bones with you.
Hey, buddy.
We still got poker.
Maybe we'll take some long walks on the beach.
How about that? Ah, finally.
Mm, you guys are so cute together.
- We are.
Don't be jealous.
- Hey.
- You should get a room.
- We have a room.
Buddy.
I'm proud of you, buddy.
- I really am.
- Thanks, Dad.
- It's a big day for you.
- You doing okay? You're an honest kid again.
- I guess so.
- Yeah.
Yeah, I'm okay.
I'm okay, yeah.
I mean, what are the options? Huh? Green light.
Press the green light.
- Mom, you all right? - Hi.
Yes.
I'm looking for the green light generator.
Green - Fuck! Motherfucker! - Oh, my God.
- Shit.
You okay? - Fuck! Fuck! Excuse me.
Would you please refrain from using vulgarities? We have children over here.
Oh, my gosh.
We're sorry.
I apologize.
Thank you.
Did you lose your power? Yes, I lost my power long ago.
But also, I have no electricity.
How about you? I do have a generator, though.
It's just not kicking in.
Who are you? We live here.
We're the Foxes.
We're the Shirikis.
I'm Setareh.
I like your music.
Oh.
Thank you, dear.
I Shazam the dick out of it! Ooh! So sorry.
Potty mouth.
Salaam.
Now we know our neighbors.
Mom.
You're nice.
You know something, you're you're a really good person.
- What? - You are.
You have You have a way of bringing people together and and-and making people feel good.
And I don't know, I like it.
I like you.
I like the I like the way you live your life.
I gotta take a shit.
Okay.
Slip away.
Just slip away.
In Japanese Buddhism, life is described like water.
It's something that's poured in and out of our bodies, like moving from one container to another.
From conception, you're gradually poured into the world.
But you aren't even considered fully poured in until you're around seven years old.
By the time you're 60 years old, you've already started the slow process of pouring back out.
So there's no single moment where you start or stop being alive.
That kind of dreamy mental absence that you had as a kid, the same kind of fogginess that comes back when you grow old - Aw.
- That's attributed to the waters of your life being scattered.
Satisfying.
And now it's time to make your mizuko.
Feel free to open the package.
Give yourself time to feel the clay in your hands.
It's your opportunity to create a new beginning.
Yes, this time is joyful.
It's to celebrate.
You have courage to be here today.
H-Hi.
Hello, darling.
Hi.
It's just me.
What are you doing? Oh, we're just up the pub serving breakfast and beer.
Say hi.
All right, Sam? Hello, Ben.
My boy Ben.
What you up to? I married Sunny and Jeff.
What? You what? I got ordained, and I married them.
Who are they? Mom, you know who they are.
It's Su Doesn't matter.
Where are you? Why is it so dark? I'm in my car outside the house.
- Whatever for? - I don't know.
Oh, darling, you shouldn't spend so much time alone.
Anyway, one day, your knight on a white horse is going to come through and swoop you up.
What? What? What even is that? No.
I don't want that.
I don't want No, I don't want somebody to swoop me up.
No.
I don't want to s-swoop.
I don't want to get swooped up.
No, I really don't.
I really don't.
I really don't want that.
I really I like I like where I am.
I'm I'm I'm happy.
I'm happy.
I'm happy.
I really, really like where I am now.
I'm just realizing this right now.
Darling, you're rambling.
Phil we had fun, didn't we? Didn't we just? I wish I had a quarter of your strength.
How's that? It's very loud here.
I wish I had a quarter of your strength.
Um, I've got to run.
We're in the middle of the morning rush.
Bangers and mash and all the bits like you like.
And good pub ale.
Ta-ra.
Um I love you! From the high desert in the great American Southwest, I bid you all good evening, good morning, good afternoon, wherever you may be in the world's prolific time zones covered by this program All of them Which is Coast to Coast AM.
I'm Art Bell.
All right, back to the question of intelligence.
Uh, what are you able to a-a-attribute to them? Do they, for example do they ever go through people? Do they go through You said they went into the ocean.
- Right.
- Then, according to the laws of physics, it they should move or could move in the water, but wouldn't they move slower in the water than in the air? - Well, that - The answer is no, huh? No, when I talked to Dr.
Jack Kasher He's a professor of physics at Nebraska he said, well, this puts it in a total different realm.
There's no such thing that can do that, you know.
You're telling me that this week, on the 11th, we're going to have a total eclipse.
You're telling me that we're going to see some meteors that we have not seen before.
You're telling me that there are thousands of new comets out there.
You're telling me You haven't even mentioned the giant solar flares.
Nothing slows 'em down.
They just zip in, zip out.
So it's an incredible life-form.
You know, where they come from, we don't know.
Who knows, you know? Some things in life are bad ♪ They can really make you mad ♪ Other things just make you swear and curse ♪ When you're chewing on life's gristle ♪ Don't grumble, give a whistle ♪ And this'll help things turn out for the best ♪ And always look on the bright side of life ♪ Always look on the light side of life ♪ If life seems jolly rotten ♪ There's something you've forgotten ♪ And that's to laugh and smile and dance and sing ♪ If you're feeling in the dumps ♪ Don't be silly chumps ♪ Just purse your lips and whistle, that's the thing ♪ And always look on the bright side of life ♪ Come on, come on, come on, come on ♪ Always look on the bright side of life ♪ For life is quite absurd ♪ And death's the final word ♪ You must always face the curtain with a bow ♪ Forget about your sin ♪ Give the audience a grin ♪ Enjoy it, it's your last chance anyhow ♪ So always look on the bright ♪ - Side of life ♪ - Side of death ♪ Of death? I forgot that part.
A-just before you draw ♪ Your terminal breath ♪ Oh okay.
Life's a piece of shit when you look at it ♪ Life's a laugh and death's a joke, it's true ♪ You'll see it's all a show ♪ Keep 'em laughing as you go ♪ Just remember that the last laugh is on you ♪ And always look on the bright side of life ♪ Do do-do do-do do-do ♪ Always look on the bright side of life ♪ Come on, Sam, cheer up.
Key change! Always look on the bright side of life ♪ Always look on the bright side of life ♪ Good job, cookie.
Worse things happen at sea, huh? ♪ Always look on the bright side of life ♪ You're going back to nothing ♪ What have you lost? Nothing ♪ Always look on the bright side of life ♪ Come on, cheer up, ya old buggers ♪ Come on, give us a grin, there you are, see? ♪ Always look on the bright side of life ♪ Mwah! Good chi! Cheer up! Come on.
Let loose.
Just fucking let go, Paige, for fuck's sake.
Yes! See you later.
Keep in touch.
Always look on the bright side of life ♪ So, all right, your mother and father hate you because you're a raging homosexual.
What does it matter? You got jazz hands? Let me see 'em.
Hey! I love you, Mom.
Love you so much.
I love you, for sure.
Put down your robots.
I love you! I love you.
Mwah.
We love you.
Mwah! I love you.
Here, I'm near the end now ♪ Always look on the bright side of life ♪ All right, all right ♪ Always look on the bright ♪