Gilmore Girls s05e10 Episode Script
But Not as Cute as Pushkin
- Whoa, honey.
|- I'm sorry.
I didn't see you there.
Oh, goodness.
|What's left to wear on your feet? I know.
It's a sickness.
Everyone thinks|it started with Bradshaw.
But, actually,|it came over on the "Mayflower.
" - What a wonderful history lesson.
|- Any time.
Pasqualie's feeling unappreciated again.
We had "Stars Hollow|Loves Pasqualie Day" last week.
Didn't stick.
Listen, I want to invite you|to my anniversary party.
- Absolutely.
Which husband?|- No husband.
I'm talking about a lover that's been much more loyal|and seductive than a husband.
I'm talking about that|business we call show.
- Forty years.
|- No.
Forty years ago today,|I did my first play, off-Broadway.
- Off-Broadway?|- Cleveland.
- That is off-Broadway.
|- Anyhow, I thought I'd throw a big party food, booze, a little song, a little dance,|a little salsa down your pants.
- Well, count me and my pants in.
|- Wonderful.
I will even drag Luke there.
So if there's any audience participation,|please pick on him.
- Luke won't come.
|- Sure he will.
I have very effective|methods of persuasion.
They include extremely high heels and|all of Jessica Simpson's bath products.
No, honey.
|The party's on Tuesday.
The thirtieth.
- So?|- So the thirtieth is the dark day.
What dark day? Luke's dark day.
|The day that he disappears.
- Disappears? Where?|- Nobody knows.
Nobody knows|where he goes or what he does.
All we know is not to try and find him.
- Why didn't I know about this?|- I don't know, honey.
Everyone else does.
Anyhow, you come yourself, okay? 8:00.
I'll be there.
See you Tuesday, Patty.
Oh, Pasqualie, the maestro.
|My God, you look virile today.
- Are you sure your wife won't share you?|- She's good.
- I don't agree.
|- You're living in a fantasy world.
- I have classes all day long.
|- I hear you protesting.
I've got a double major|of poli-sci and bio-chem, Terrence.
- I see you over-scheduling.
|- Sorry, I'm just getting water here.
Paris, you're not yelling at me.
|You're yelling at the world.
I'm not yelling at all.
|This is the natural register of my voice.
It's the register of a timid little girl|who is not putting herself out there.
- I am putting myself out there.
|- Why are you arguing with Terrence? Why? Look, I know I haven't dated lately,|but Asher was very important to me.
Hey, Paris, I can't find my notebook.
The|black one with all my yellow notes in it.
You have not put yourself out there.
He just died.
Oh, for God's sake.
|He was halfway dead when you met him.
Rory, has she been|putting herself out there or not? - Out where?|- Out in the world.
Has she tried to meet men|since Asher died? You don't just meet people.
|It doesn't happen.
I'll just go in my room now.
Look at your Dream Log.
|You are months behind.
And your Pretty-Thoughts Journal.
Okay, fine.
|I have neglected thinking pretty.
But I hardly think I should be penalized|for time lost - while you were in court-ordered rehab.
|- Hey, Paris, what's this? I had a back problem.
The prescription was at home|in my Filofax.
This is a message|from Headmaster Charleston.
- When did Headmaster Charleston call?|- Earlier.
- And you didn't tell me?|- I'm in session.
Hello, Headmaster Charleston,|this is Rory Gilmore.
I'm sorry it took so long to call you back.
|I just got your message.
Sweetie, that was|a little passive-aggressive.
- We should talk later.
|- So, how are you? - I'm very well.
How are you enjoying Yale?|- I love it.
Is it everything you thought it would be? It's nothing like I thought it would be.
|It's better, actually.
I have no doubt.
Now, I'm calling because we often ask|a former Chilton student to host a prospective Yale student|for a couple of days.
Show them around, let them observe|classes, campus life.
That sort of thing.
- I was wondering if you'd be interested.
|- Me? Yes, this is a very speciaI young lady.
|Bright, focused, quietly determined.
- She reminds me a great deal of you.
|- Thank you.
I assume you haven't changed.
I've upgraded the wardrobe a little bit,|but I'm basically still me.
Excellent.
Then I hope|you'll consider accepting.
I know your workload must be substantial.
- That's okay.
I can handle it.
|- So, I can take that as a "Yes"? Yes, take it as a "Yes," and thank you.
- I'm honored.
|- Her name is Anna Fairchild.
She's 16 years old, and she'll be arriving Monday morning at 9:00.
|Does that work for you? - That works perfectly.
|- Very well.
It's a date.
I'm very glad to talk to you again,|Ms.
Gilmore.
Yale certainly sounds like|it's agreeing with you.
I hope it will also agree|with Miss Fairchild.
- Like Sabrina.
|- I beg your pardon? - Sabrina Fairchild.
That was her name.
|- Did we segue into discussing a movie? - And we can segue right out again.
|- I'm very gratefuI for that.
All right, then.
My office will be contacting|you with the particulars.
I hope you have a wonderful time.
|I'm sure Miss Fairchild will.
Thank you, Headmaster Charleston.
|I won't let you down.
What a nice thing to hear.
|I'm sure we'll be talking soon.
- Goodbye.
|- Goodbye.
- This is a very big honor, you know.
|- Oh, I know.
Of all the Chilton alumni at Yale,|they're asking you? I know.
I know.
Well, have you thought about what kinds of things|you'd like to show her? Well, she'll go to all of my classes|with me, of course.
And I thought maybe she'd go|to the paper with me and then I thought, maybe a trip to the Beinecke|Rare Book and Manuscript Library.
Oh, you're going to show her|the Gutenberg.
- Steve?|- Bible.
- Right.
|- Then I was torn between taking her|to the Hewitt Memorial Quadrangle or the science center and gymnasium.
That is a conundrum.
Yeah, especially since|she'll be snoring by then.
You'll just be dragging|her dead body weight around the campus.
Lorelai, these things are of great interest to any young person|considering attending Yale.
Oh, I am sure.
I personally would enjoy|every single thing on my list.
Yes, I know, but it wouldn't hurt|to maybe throw a little something fun in.
I'm not talking a kegger but just walk her by the crazy|drama students yelling "Give me a location.
"|or something like that.
- You know, your mother may be right.
|- Who heard that? Well, a good college experience|is a well-rounded college experience.
It's important for you to show her|that Yale students have fun, too.
- Have her touch the toe.
|- Yeah.
- Touch the toe?|- The toe.
The statue of Theodore Woolsey.
It brings good luck to everyone|who touches his feet.
And for that reason, he has one left toe|that's been rubbed completely shiny.
Wow, that is fun.
Make sure you get a parent-consent form|for that one.
Oh, it is so exciting watching you at Yale.
|It was such a wonderful time for me.
The people that you meet there will stay with you for the rest of your life.
|Mark my words.
- Tell me, are you making good friends?|- Yeah, I have some good friends.
- And what about Mr.
Huntzberger?|- Who is Mr.
Huntzberger? Logan Huntzberger's a boy|I go to school with.
- A fine boy, from a fine family.
|- You know him? His parents are very good friends of ours.
- You know Mitchum Huntzberger, Lorelai.
|- No.
He's been coming to our Christmas parties|for years.
No.
His mother's on the pediatric hospital|committee with your mother.
- No.
|- Well, Logan is their son.
And I noticed that you two|seemed to be hitting it off the other night.
- The other night?|- He's very nice, Grandpa.
Now, I don't want to be too forward,|but you made a handsome couple.
Was this Logan at the male Yale party|you guys threw? He's the one|who gave me a ride home, Mom.
Oh, Limo-boy.
Swell.
He's also on the paper with me.
His father owns some of the finest|newspapers in the country.
- I know.
|- Not a bad connection, huh? Nope, not a bad connection at all.
- Hey, so tell me about this Logan.
|- It's 3 degrees out here.
As of tonight, my father knows way more|personal dish about you than I do.
That's not right or fair.
He doesn't get as|much enjoyment out of the dish as I do.
For him, the dish is always half-empty.
You're just talking to keep yourself warm,|aren't you? What is the deal with this guy?|Are you dating? No, we're not dating.
He's just a friend.
How close? For example,|if we freeze to death will he come to the funeral|or just send a nice fruit basket? I know him from school.
|He's just a casual friend.
That's it.
- Do you think he's cute?|- It doesn't matter if I think he's cute.
It matters to me.
|I don't want ugly grandchildren.
Mom, I'm not dating Logan or anyone.
Since Dean, I'm taking a boy break, okay?|I'm just concentrating on school.
- Fine, but if that changes|- You'll be the first to know.
Okay, thank you.
'Cause there are not|many ways I can outdo my father.
Info on you, and looking better in chiffon,|that's about it.
Oh, and my pole dance is way hotter.
- I'm frozen now.
|- Okay, let's go.
In my hand, ladies and gentlemen sits the true advantage|of dating a diner owner.
I am never more|than 10 feet away from pie.
See, I thought it was the way|we always smell faintly of meat.
Oh, it's heaven.
One quick trip downstairs,|and I have all the treats I want.
- You're like Willy Wonka but hotter.
|- I am not hotter than Willy Wonka.
Slap on a purple top hat, and you're close.
This is nice.
I think it's going very well, you and me.
|You think it's going very well? I have very few complaints.
I'm going right past|the "very few complaints" comment 'cause I know you're just trying to bait me.
|What complaints? Hey, so, Luke Miss Patty is celebrating|her 40-year anniversary.
- Which husband?|- With the business we call show.
Oh, him.
And she's having a big party,|and I told her we'd go.
Oh, man.
- It'll be fun.
|- It will not be fun.
She'll be wearing tap shoes,|and there'll be songs and punch and at least one story|about Milton Berle's penis.
- Only one?|- Come on, I have to have you there.
Otherwise, people will think|I made you up.
- Fine, I'll go.
|- Thank you.
Okay, so, it's Tuesday at 8:00.
I can't go Tuesday.
- Why not?|- I have to go out of town.
- Why?|- Business.
Business? Now you're Willy Loman? Banking business in Woodbury.
|Standing appointment.
Sorry.
Hit the light, will you?|I have to get up early.
Night.
Okay, night.
Wait till you see all the stuff|I got for Anna.
Yale T-shirt, Bulldog sweatshirt,|Yale baseball cap, visor, coffee mug.
I told you to open a window|when you're hot-gluing in here.
It's freezing outside.
Oh, wait.
This is new.
|They just came out with these.
- The Yale soda cozy.
How cute is that?|- I can't believe you.
You don't even have|your loser card-swiping job anymore and you're buying all this crap|for some kid you don't even know? I'm trying to make her feel welcome.
Oh, she'll feel welcome.
|They all feel welcome.
- Who's they?|- The enemy.
- What enemy?|- Any girl under the age of 17 is the enemy.
- Okay, I'm opening a window now.
|- They're coming for everything.
They're going to take our jobs,|our thunder, our starter husbands.
- Don't you have a class to get to?|- They're coming, Rory.
They're coming,|and they're going to keep on coming like the locusts descending on Mankato.
We'll be beating them off|for the rest of our lives.
Please, don't be here when she arrives.
|I don't want you to scare her off.
Me? Scare her off? Please.
She's the one with the alabaster skin|and the perky breasts.
Do not say "perky breasts" to her.
- Do you understand me?|- Eve Harrington has arrived.
- Hi, I'm looking for Rory Gilmore.
|- I'm Rory.
You must be Anna.
- Yes.
|- Great, come in.
- Did you find it okay?|- I got lost a couple of times but people were really nice|and got me here.
Yeah, it's a friendly world out there,|isn't it? Anna, this is my roommate,|Paris, and I'm sorry.
- For what?|- Trust me.
Okay.
Okay, let me show you around the place.
- That is Paris' room.
|- Don't go in.
That is my room.
And this is the common room,|which is also your bedroom.
- The bathroom is literally outside the door.
|- Okay.
And there's a fridge with water|or soda or whatever you want.
Oh, and I got you|some welcome-to-Yale gifts.
Oh, really? Thank you.
I'm really glad you're here.
|You are going to love Yale.
It's an amazing place.
I mean, I was excited|when I first started here but every day is different and better.
You have no idea|how much there is to learn.
It's - Well, you'll see.
|- Okay, I actually snagged us some caviar.
They were all out of toast points,|but I think we can use Doritos and achieve a very similar result.
Hey.
- This is Anna.
|- Did Paris move? - I'm right here, Marty.
|- I know, Paris.
Anna is from Chilton, my alma mater.
I'm|showing her around Yale for a few days.
Oh, cool.
I'll put this in the fridge.
In my room.
- Thanks.
Okay, you ready?|- I'm ready.
- You have boys bringing you food.
|- Yale is a magical place, Anna.
A magical, magical place.
The oldest part of the campus is,|of course, the Old Campus and it houses|most of the undergraduate freshman class.
It was begun|by Theodore Dwight Woolsey President of Yale from 1846 to 1871.
Over here is the Elihu Yale bench.
Now, Eli Yale was an officer|in the British East India Company.
He gave what was then called|the Collegiate School £562 and 417 books|and a portrait of King George I.
And so it was renamed in his honor.
He actually gave an additional|£500 to the school but Yale College never received it|because he mistakenly sent it to the nonexistent Collegiate School apparently forgetting that|Yale was named after him.
Wait, this is the wrong bench.
So keep the story,|but cross out the diagram.
Moving on|There's actually an ongoing rumor that you can automatically graduate|and earn your degree if you become sufficiently fluent|in Latin, Greek, and Hebrew.
Imagine all the tables|you could wait with those skills, huh? Okay, you are about to get|a firsthand feel of what it's like to work|on a real newspaper.
Now be prepared.
It is an extremely hectic,|fast-paced environment.
Don't get intimidated,|and don't get in the way.
Ready? Here it is.
Everyone must be out|getting a scoop or something but you just wait.
It can heat up in a second.
|And when it does, man, watch out.
- My desk is over here.
|- I do not care.
Hey, I am your editor, Paris,|and I demand that you tell me.
I won't tell you where I got it, Doyle.
You will if you want|to stay on this newspaper.
Okay, you are now privy to one|of the classic journalistic dilemmas between reporter and editor: the right to withhold and protect sources.
Damn it, Paris, you tell me|where you got that pen right now.
- The pen fairy.
|- That is one of my personal fine-point gel-tip pens|from my bottom right-hand drawer and you went into that drawer,|and you took that pen, and it's mine.
Okay, for "fine-point gel-tip" substitute "confidential source|deep within the administration.
" You get a little thrill, don't you? Hang on a sec.
Hey.
Question: have you ever heard anything|about Luke's dark day? His what? Well, one day a year,|he apparently has a dark day.
No one knows where he goes|or what he does.
He just disappears.
I've heard nothing about this.
Okay, well, did we see him|on November 30th last year? How am I supposed to know? Because you keep all those|crazy, anal Bob Graham kind of notebooks.
"8:00 a.
m.
: got up.
8:15: brushed teeth.
"8:25: had impure thoughts.
|8:36: sent dwarves off to work.
" I do not have my diaries|from last November on me at the moment.
- But you do have them.
|- Yes.
And they will contain|where we ate breakfast that morning.
Yes.
- I love my little circus freak.
|- I'll call you later.
- Did your Mini-Me show up?|- Yeah, her name's Anna.
She's right here.
- How's the tour going?|- It's going great.
How many boring bench lectures|did you give? Two, but they were about the same bench.
You know what? I have someone standing|abnormally close to me, right now.
- I'll call you later?|- Okay, say hi to Kirk for me.
Okay, bye.
Kirk, what can I do for you? - I have a business proposition for you.
|- Okay.
- How often do you slip in your tub?|- Never.
Okay, it doesn't work|if you answer like that.
Constantly.
I never stop slipping,|even when I get out.
I thought so.
Then my new line of bath-and-shower adhesive decals|are for you.
"Yesterday, today, and tomorrow.
" Yesterday's retro designs|in today's fashion colors with tomorrow's traction technology.
Well, Kirk, this looks very impressive|and, wow, very expensive.
Well, it's yesterday's retro designs|in today's fashion colors with tomorrow's traction technology.
Well, why don't you leave|the catalog with me and I'll look it over? Could you look at it now? It's my only one.
Okay.
I like that one.
If you put the fishes' faces together,|it looks like they're kissing.
Hey, Kirk, do you know anything|about Luke's dark day? - Everyone knows about Luke's dark day.
|- Do you know what it is? Not the details,|just that he has it once a year.
- I think it goes back a long, long time.
|- Yeah? Sure, I mean, Luke's always had|a touch of darkness in him.
I guess we all do, but Luke's a little more touched than some.
He's kind of grabbed, actually.
What do you think it's about? When I was in seventh grade,|Luke knocked the books out of my hands.
Because of his dark day? No, everyone knocked my books|out of my hands.
I was kind of a target.
|I used to wear a cape to school.
Now, outside,|we just passed the women's table which was designed by Maya Lin.
She's also the one who designed|the Vietnam War Memorial which, by the way,|originally was a class project for which she received a B.
The teacher who gave her the B also submitted a design|for the war memorial but hers was chosen.
His was not.
That's a life lesson to remember.
This is Sterling Memorial Library.
One of my favorite places on campus.
It was built in 1930,|and it houses over one-third of the university's 10 million volumes.
I love libraries.
I just spend|I can't tell you how many hours just - You're not writing.
|- Oh, sorry.
- So I come here sometimes, late at night-|- I just love how everybody's dressed.
- What?|- No uniforms.
I love that there's no uniforms.
- College to me means no more uniforms.
|- Oh, right.
However, wait till you're late for class and it takes you 20 minutes|to put together an outfit.
Suddenly you'll miss those uniforms.
How many guys have you dated|since you've been here? Oh, well, none from Yale.
Anyhow, the books.
|Are you seeing the books? Everything you'd want to read|is right here.
Feel it.
Feels good, right? Now smell it.
Nothing, nothing, smells like that.
I'm sorry.
Excuse me.
|Did I just see you smell that book? - Hey, Logan.
|- Hey, Ace.
Who's your friend? Oh, Anna, this is Logan.
Logan,|this is Anna.
She's from my high school.
- I'm showing her around campus.
|- Hi.
Well, high school? Nah,|I would've sworn you're a college girl.
- So, is she showing you a good time?|- I'm showing her everything important.
Good.
Make sure she takes you|by the pub.
Local place.
Everyone goes there.
- I'm not taking her to the pub.
|- Oh, please? The pub sounds fun.
You don't have to drink.
|They do have coffee.
It's a cool scene.
Make her take you.
|Bring a book to sniff.
What are you doing in a library anyhow? Got lost.
Don't tell anyone I was here.
|Ruin my rep.
Anna, it's been a pleasure.
See you, Ace.
- He's cute.
|- Yes, he is, but not as cute as Pushkin.
Right this way, missy.
- Fine.
Do whatever you want.
|- Well, I'm sorry you're so upset.
You're giving me a week's notice.
What am I supposed to do|with a week's notice? Well, my son just called me from Florida|to tell me the condo moved.
Okay, fine, go.
Enjoy Florida.
I hear they have great weather there.
|Terrific hurricanes.
Make sure you bring plenty of plywood|and bottled water.
- Hey, hi, hello.
|- What are you doing here? I was just driving down the street,|and I saw you.
I thought I'd stop by|and say "hey, hi, hello.
" - Hello, Mrs.
Thompson.
|- Hello, dear.
- So what's going on?|- Nothing.
Nothing's going on.
Luke, please understand.
|There's nothing I can do.
I've already found someone|to rent the house.
And they have cars.
- And you just agreed to that?|- Well, it seemed rather reasonable to me.
Oh, come on.
- Luke's very upset with me.
|- Why? Well, his father rented the garage.
He was building a boat,|and he didn't have room at his place so he paid me to do it here.
And then when he died,|Luke continued to pay for the garage.
And now I'm moving to a nursing home,|and I need him to move his boat.
You're mad because this little old lady|is moving to a nursing home and you have to move your boat? Is this really the story|you want to stick to? She called me out of the blue,|and I paid for an entire month.
I can give you a partial refund if you like.
Where am I supposed to find a space|to store a boat on a moment's notice? Did you think about that|for even a second? Could we sit down? The doctor says|the screw in my hip is loose.
Yes, yes, let's sit.
|Let's sit and calmly try to figure this out.
No, no.
I've got it figured out.
|Just haul it off.
Trash it.
- Haul what off?|- The boat? Yes, the boat.
Scrap it.
Find somebody to drag it away - and cut it up for firewood.
|- Oh, now, Luke.
Who's gonna haul it off? Anyone.
Just find a guy|with a truck and a hook.
And strap it on and drive it away|and send me the bill.
- I'm done.
|- Luke.
We'll be right back.
Luke, stop.
What, what, and what? I have been paying that woman|every month for 15 years.
Luke, she's moving to a nursing home.
And my dad was paying her every month|20 years before that.
- Nursing home, Luke.
|- I know where she's going.
- She's not trying to hurt you.
|- Whatever.
- Where are you going?|- Back to the diner.
- Let me drive you.
|- No.
I can drive you back to the diner.
I promise if we pass any senior citizens,|I'll let you jump out and pants them.
Fine.
And over here we have|the world-famous Luke's Diner home of the best coffee|on the East Coast and the most delightful|and chatty proprietor since Mel kissed Flo's grits.
Okay, well, I should get back to the inn.
I hope you've enjoyed your tour and don't forget to buy yourself|a souvenir plastic monkey on the way out.
Tomorrow's the anniversary|of my dad's death.
Oh, hon And every year on that anniversary I disappear.
|I don't work.
I don't talk to anyone.
I get into kind of a funk.
It's like You have a dark day.
Yeah, I have a dark day.
I thought I should tell you this|because we're in a relationship.
I thought you might wonder why I suddenly don't answer the phone|or I'm not around.
Why you can't flip your hair and con me into going|to Miss Patty's crazy anniversary party.
- The hair flip is that effective?|- You combine that with your black dress you could probably get me|to be your backup dancer.
I'll remember that.
I've never told anyone this before.
|I don't really like to talk about it.
I guess that explains|the thing with Mrs.
Thompson.
Yeah.
Some timing,|her springing this boat thing on me now.
I'll apologize to her.
You know, he never finished that boat.
It's been sitting there|half-done for 15 years.
Hey, Luke,|don't you think you might have been a little too hasty about the boat decision? I mean, you're upset and I bet|someday you're gonna be really sorry you don't have that boat anymore.
No, it's better|she gets rid of the thing now.
- But-|- I haven't even looked at that boat since my dad got sick.
It's - Not a glance, nothing.
|- Even more reason.
If it's gone,|then I don't have to deal with it.
It's time to move on, you know? - But-|- I'm fine, really.
- Thanks for the ride.
|- Anytime.
- I love it here.
|- You love it here? We just walked in.
I know, but it feels so collegiate.
Actually, you know what is great|about this place? - Eli Yale drank here?|- No, they make amazing cappuccinos.
- You want one?|- Yeah.
- Okay, you go sit, and I'll get the coffees.
|- Okay.
- Two cappuccinos, please.
|- Sure thing.
Hey.
- Hi, you just get here?|- Yeah.
- You want a|- Yes, please.
I'm sorry.
|Could you make that three cappuccinos? So, how's it going? I think I may have overwhelmed Anna.
|Her hand cramped up about an hour ago.
And it's been spasming ever since.
- Where is she?|- She's right - Really?|- You wanna go to a party tonight? I turn around for one minute.
Excuse me.
Oh, Rory, Mark and Matthew|were just telling me about a great party tonight.
Really? That was very nice of them.
|Thank you, Matthew and Mark, was it? - That's right.
|- Well, how biblical.
Okay, well, our schedule|is completely full at the moment but if that changes, if things lighten up or if she suddenly ages two years|in the next three hours then we'll know where to find you, okay?|Bye-bye, now.
Bye-bye.
We'll be over here, just in case.
- Rory.
|- Anna.
Oh, this is so not fair.
|You get to talk to boys.
What? Well, you were over there|talking to Marty.
That's different.
Marty's just a friend,|which is another great thing about college.
You learn to have guy friends.
|Nothing romantic, just a good pal.
Those boys|are not interested in your friendship unless the word "friendship"|is tattooed on your butt.
Now, drink your coffee.
It's good, huh? Can I sleep with the TV on? Yeah, as long as you don't wake Paris up.
|And that advice is for your own good.
- And if I can't go to sleep?|- Then you don't go to sleep.
I love that.
I love not having|someone tell me when to go to sleep.
- Yes, it's great.
|- I love sleeping with the TV on and I love having no parents around,|and I love cappuccino and I love apple muffins,|and I love college.
What's she on? Four cappuccinos|and the three Red Bulls from the fridge.
- Enjoy your night.
How do I look?|- Where are you going? I'm putting myself out there, Rory.
- Now?|- Yes, now.
It's 11:00 at night.
Who are you hoping to hook up with now,|Spike and Drusilla? - Just tell me if my lipstick is too whorish.
|- No, just whorish enough.
Going out at 11:00 at night? I love college.
I may suffocate her when I get back.
- Hey, if you can catch her.
|- Bye.
Good luck.
- Good night, Anna.
|- Night.
Which brings us to this question: Does Campbell's work successfully resolve|the disparate stances of Jung and Freud when it comes|to the collective unconscious? Hey, pay attention.
Professor Bell is one of the foremost|philosophy professors in the country.
- Sorry.
|- bordered on being metaphysical? All right, let's call that close enough.
But now, Campbell can point|to the repetition of the hero myth in culture after culture and say: "Hey, Sigmund, like it or not "here are the same basic characters|over and over"- Excuse me.
I'm sorry, I'm sorry.
I'm right in the middle of a class,|young man.
I know.
I'm sorry, I just|Rory, you can't just walk out like that.
Not after everything we've been through.
|You just left.
I was still in bed.
I mean, what is that all about? Okay, you need to do this later.
I can't do this later.
|Rory, I love you.
I love you, damn it.
How many times do I have to tell you?|God, just talk to me.
- Okay, out.
Right now.
Just get-|- Colin.
What are you doing, man?|Get the hell out of here.
She's with me now.
I told you.
Let it go.
- I will not let it go.
|- She doesn't love you.
Rory, tell him you don't love him.
Everything was fine until you came along.
Don't blame me|'cause you couldn't keep her.
- I swear to God, I'm gonna kill you.
|- Oh, I'd love to see you try.
Stop it.
Stop it right now.
|Anthony, get security.
Break it up.
What are you Gentlemen, you are losing control.
|You're in a classroom with students All right, that's enough.
|Break it up, you two.
Rory Gilmore,|you should be ashamed of yourself.
Toying with these boys like this.
They used to have pride.
|They used to have dignity.
They used to have balls.
Damn it, Gilmore,|give them back their balls.
- God, this is a lot of junk.
|- I know.
Who has three Thighmasters|besides Suzanne Somers? Well, Mrs.
Thompson, apparently.
You'd think if you had three Thighmasters,|you'd wear some slacks once in a while.
I'm sorry, but why exactly|did you have to take all this crap? It was the only way|I could get her to give me the boat.
Some guy wanted it,|and she got him to buy all her other crap.
So if I wanted the boat,|I had to take everything and that's what I did.
I just have to hide it for a few days,|then I'll move it.
- Where?|- I don't know.
Somewhere.
The inn.
|I'll put it in the old stable out back.
- Are you ever gonna tell Luke?|- Yes.
- When?|- A week, a year.
I haven't thought that far in advance.
I just couldn't let her|get rid of his dad's boat.
What if we hang the Thighmasters on it? - Or get more trees.
|- Yeah, or get more trees.
- Jackson's got some trees at home.
|- Think I could borrow them? Sure, we'll just wait till he lies down|for his nap and sneak them out.
Great, then I'll hop a fence and get Richard Widmark|to sign my grapefruit.
I'd like to welcome you all|to today's speed-dating session.
Many of you have been with us before.
|Many of you are first-timers.
For the latter group, here are the rules.
|Each couple will have one minute to talk and get a sense of the person|across from them.
When the bell rings, the women|will get up and switch tables.
Men, stay where you are.
This will continue until every|woman has met every man and after that, it's up to you.
Are we all ready?|Then let the dating begin.
- I'm Jack.
|- Paris.
Did your parents travel a lot? - Why?|- Your name is Paris.
No.
Did your parents|change flat tires a lot? What? - Or plug the phone into the wall a lot?|- No.
Great, so we've cleared up that mystery.
What's next on your fascinating|list of talking points? - What's your major?|- Seriously? You've got one minute|to make an impression and that's all you can come up with? You want to know my sign, too, Jack?|Or how about my favorite color? Or if I'm a Britney or a Christina?|Here, I'll ask you a question.
Was the last time you had|an interesting thought when you considered flinging|yourself off a building? Bye, Jack.
I'll write Mother immediately.
Paris, and no, my parents didn't travel.
Billy, and I have no idea what that means.
- Never mind.
So, what's your story, Billy?|- Well, I'm a drama major.
- Doyle.
|- Paris.
- I'm surprised to see you here.
|- I could say the same for you.
So, you find any good prospects? - Yes, one girl wants to have 11 children.
|- Good God.
The second one was cut off quickly.
|Thank you, by the way.
The words "Latter-Day Saints"|were about to come out of her mouth.
- I can't believe I came here.
|- It's my third time.
You ever meet anyone|you actually wanted to date? My bar is so not that high.
I don't see one person in this room|that shouldn't be sterilized immediately.
Right there with you.
So, you've been reading|about those skeletons they've been finding|on the island of Flores, right? Oh, yeah.
They're only 13,000 years old.
|That's nothing in geological time.
They made tools and probably|had a language and- Keep moving, sister.
Hey, you know|they were supposed to be master hunters.
Even though they were diminutive in size.
And then, when that other guy came in|in that outfit how great was that? We also studied Dylan Thomas today.
|Why don't we talk about that for a while? Yeah, that was cool.
But when Logan and Colin started to fight,|that was so amazing.
The teacher had nothing to say, nothing.
|He just stood there.
- Think they'll get in trouble for that?|- Oh, probably not.
God, that's great.
The freedom.
I mean, you can do anything in college.
|No rules, no consequences.
Anna, there are always consequences.
|You're getting the wrong idea.
College is not just a crazy, wild,|sleep-deprived hedonistic society.
- Oh.
It wasn't the TV.
|- No, it wasn't the TV.
- This isn't what it looks like.
|- I hope not.
- I told you it wasn't the TV.
|- Hi, Paris.
- All right, fine.
Doyle and I had sex.
|- Okay, Anna, get your coat.
We met at speed-dating,|and we considered having dinner first but we both knew where it was|going to end up, so we figured we'd just cut to the chase|and save the calories.
- Hurry up, Anna.
|- Where are we going? - Dinner.
|- It's only 5:00.
You've no right to be repulsed|by my sex life.
This is an exceptionally comfortable robe.
Dinner whenever you want,|random sex whenever you want.
I can't wait to go to college.
- Ice cream and cereal for dinner.
|- Yeah, yeah, yeah.
College rocks.
- Ladies.
|- Hi, Logan.
- How are we doing this fine evening?|- We're doing great.
You want to join us? Sure.
- So, dull day, huh?|- Not for me.
- Someone's quiet.
|- Got nothing to say.
Do you get the sense|that she's mad at me? Yup.
Hey, Anna, why don't you head on over|to the fro-yo social? You remember where it is, right? Yeah, but I just had|three scoops of ice cream.
Kid, you're in college now, okay?|Now, go get yourself some yogurt.
Are you going to come, Logan? I'm not sure how well I'll be walking, here,|in a minute, Anna.
Oh, okay.
Bye.
That's not a good look.
- I have no words.
|- It was just a joke.
Oh, no, wait.
I thought of some:|jerk, ass, arrogant, inconsiderate mindless, frat-boy, lowlife,|butt-faced miscreant.
"Butt-faced miscreant"? - Why would you do something like that?|- I'm sorry, "butt-faced miscreant"? Here I am, trying to show Anna|what college life is really like- - That is what college life is really like.
|- Maybe your college life, not mine.
That was my class, Logan.
That was my professor|who decides my grades and you made me look ridiculous to him.
No, I made me look ridiculous to him.
Oh, you don't think|he thinks I was a part of it? I'll talk to him.
I'll tell him you were|an innocent bystander.
The whole class was in a frenzy|the entire time.
We never got back|to what we were talking about.
There's another class next week.
I know that classes|and the paper and Yale in general mean nothing to you,|but it means something to me.
Professor Bell's course|is only six weeks long and you blew one of those weeks for me.
I won't get that week back.
Look, you want a close and personal time|with Bell, my dad knows him.
- He'll arrange-|- Please stop talking.
I'm sorry you're so bent out of shape.
|I didn't mean to upset you.
Anna thinks that Yale is just a big joke.
If Anna thinks Yale is just a big joke|after spending five minutes with you then she was always gonna think|Yale was just a big joke.
Relax.
You and me, very different people.
I have to go.
To the fro-yo social? Yes, I have to go to the fro-yo social.
And yes, I do realize|how incredibly stupid that just sounded.
Excuse me.
All I'm saying is|I just want a little information.
Is this a relationship? A one-night stand? The beginning of a series|of late-night booty calls? I think I have the right to know.
I hear you.
Doyle, do you hear her? I do hear her.
I just don't understand why we can't decide this|amongst ourselves.
Because you can't, Doyle.
|Now, please tell Paris how you feeI.
Well, I feel that- Speak into the phone, Doyle.
|I can't hear you.
- Is Anna here?|- No, why? She didn't show up at the fro-yo social.
- Jeez, do you blame her.
|- I have to find her.
Why? Did you loan her money|or something? Just go back|to what you were doing, please.
Hey, Marty, I lost Anna.
|I don't know where.
Just Thanks.
If she comes back here, call me.
Go ahead, Doyle.
Tell him.
- Any idea where she'd go?|- No, she was supposed to meet me.
- I can't believe I let her go off by herself.
|- Well, we'll find her.
- Mom.
|- Hi.
Where would a 16-year-old girI go|for a good time? Oh, how sad that you had to come to me|for this conversation.
- Mom.
|- You were 16 a lot more recently than me.
- I lost Anna.
|- How did you lose Anna? She never showed at the fro-yo social.
Okay, relax.
16-year-old girl at college.
|You have to check parties.
Bars and Chinese restaurants rarely card.
- No Chinese restaurants around.
|- The pub.
Did you check the pub? No.
The pub.
We have to check the pub.
|Parties and the pub.
Okay, call me when you I have to go, hon.
|Call me when you find her.
- Okay, bye.
|- Bye.
- Oh, my God.
Are you okay?|- I smashed my leg on a Thighmaster.
I'm so sorry.
Yeah, and then I tripped|and smashed my other leg - on another Thighmaster.
|- I'm sorry.
Why the hell do you have|so many Thighmasters? I have a really bad thigh complex.
|Are you bleeding? You want to come in? No, I'm fine.
I just You left your glasses at my house.
- I thought you might need them.
|- Thank you.
I didn't think you'd be here.
- I thought you were going to Patty's thing.
|- I was just leaving.
- I don't have to go if you want to come in.
|- No, it's okay.
I'm still going through my dark day.
|I'm gonna go.
Okay.
Sorry about your foot.
- What's going on with your garage?|- What? - Your garage door looks all weird.
|- Oh, no, it's fine.
It's jammed.
Just leave it.
You can't leave it open like that.
|You could ruin all your stuff.
That's okay.
Too much stuff anyhow.
|If a little bit gets ruined serves me right for being|so darn materialistic.
- What are all these trees doing here?|- No, just stop.
Go back to your dark day.
|No, no, don't, don't.
There's clowns in there|and puppies wearing costumes and they'll cheer you up,|and then your dark day will be ruined.
What is this? - It's your boat.
|- I thought I told her to get rid of this boat.
She did.
She sold it to me with all of her|other crap.
She made a killing, actually.
I just couldn't stand the idea that you might regret someday|giving this boat away.
- Even though I said I wanted it gone?|- Yes, I know, but you were upset.
- No, I was cranky.
Now I'm upset.
|- I'm sorry.
I just thought- You thought about you.
|You thought about you and how you'd feel.
You didn't think about me|or the fact that I said I wanted to get rid of this damn boat.
- I said it, you heard it, and you ignored it.
|- Because I didn't want you- You have no respect for what I wanted.
|This was my dad.
This was his boat,|and this decision was mine.
- This was not yours.
|- I know.
This is who I am.
I don't want to hang on to things|or stare at things.
Except my horoscope which is absolutely the wrong|thing to bring up right now.
I'm sorry.
- I'm getting out of here.
|- No, I'm sorry.
Please, just stay and yell at me.
Why? What's the point?|You don't listen to anything I say, anyhow.
- She's nowhere.
|- She's not nowhere.
This is all my fault.
- There's more bars.
We'll find her.
|- God, I'm so stupid.
If I didn't have to confront Logan|like that I wouldn't have had to send her off on her|own and we wouldn't be looking for her.
We'll find her.
He's so frustrating, that guy.
I mean, I don't know what I did|to get on his bad side or why he just has to come after me like- - Oh, stop it.
|- What? He's not coming after you.
He likes you.
- He does not.
|- Oh, please, Rory.
Marty, he does not like me.
|I mean, look at what he did.
Look at that stunt that he pulled.
|He totally humiliated me.
Attention like that from people like Logan|is like being tapped.
- You've been anointed.
You're in.
|- In what? In with him, with his group.
He likes you.
- Stop being so naive.
It's annoying.
|- Marty- Hello? Ms.
Gilmore, Headmaster Charleston here.
Oh, hi, Headmaster Charleston.
|What's going on? Well, not much.
Thank you for asking.
I was just wondering how things|are going with Miss Fairchild.
- Oh, fine.
|- Yes? Everything's great.
Wonderful.
|Then I can inform Anna's parents that the underage girl|the Yale campus police found when they broke up a rather raucous party|is, in fact, not their daughter.
- I'm sorry, Headmaster Charleston.
|- And what a help that is.
I tried.
I just|I turned around for a moment.
Did she tell you about the bench?|'Cause I spent a lot of time- I'm sorry, Ms.
Gilmore.
I have to go.
Some angry parents will be here|in a moment to talk to me.
I appreciate the attempt.
|Good luck at Yale.
Bye, Headmaster Charleston.
The campus police got her.
She came, she spent one day with me,|and she got sent home by the police.
And I think I'm going|to retroactively flunk high school.
- At least she's safe, right?|- Right.
Crappy, crappy day.
You want to take a cab? My treat.
Thanks.
I think I'm gonna walk.
- Marty|- I'll see you tomorrow.
- What are you doing?|- I smell like trees.
You do? Hey, me, too.
Now we're the crazy pine-scented ladies.
- How's your punch?|- It's good.
You okay? Yeah, fine, just fine.
Thank you.
Thank you, everyone.
I'm honored that you came here to help me celebrate|40 wonderful years on the stage.
It feels so good to be here|in front of an audience and so close to a piano.
So close to a piano.
Kirk.
Sorry.
Hey, Patty, why don't you do|a little something for us? Well, if you insist.
Hit it.
I'll be right back.
Hey.
See, there's a reason I stay away from people on this|particular day.
It's 'cause I kind of suck.
Oh, Luke, I'm so sorry.
|I should have listened to you.
I should have stayed out of it.
|You were right.
I didn't think.
I mean, I didn't think like you would think.
|I thought like I would think and my thinking is sometimes|very, very wrong if you're not me.
And, occasionally, if you are me.
You just keep thinking like you'd think.
I can do that.
Do you want to come in?|You can get drunk just standing next to the punch bowl.
- Nah, I'm still kind of|- I get it.
- I just didn't want us to-|- We're not.
- Yeah.
You go have a good time.
|- See you tomorrow.
- Yeah, you'll see me tomorrow.
|- Okay.
Logan.
Richard? Wow, this is a pleasant surprise.
- Finn, Colin, you know Richard, don't you?|- Well, hello, boys.
Nice to see you.
Logan, I wanted to talk to you.
|I just heard about the incident.
- The|- I heard that you professed your feelings - for Rory.
|- What? Mr.
Bell is a very dear friend of mine.
|As is the Dean of Admissions.
- You know this place.
News travels fast.
|- Yeah, look- I have to tell you that, while I understand|what could have driven you to such a public display of affection there is a proper time and place|for that sort of thing.
And a classroom in the middle of class|is not one of them.
- No, I know.
I-|- However, what's done is done.
It's out.
So I dropped by to tell you|that I've spoken to your father.
- My father.
|- We pounded out a few things property agreements, prenups,|that sort of thing.
- Okay, I think there's been-|- We came to a very fair agreement.
I'm sure you'll be pleased.
Now, we're setting up a dinner|for next week to finalize the engagement|and start talking about the ceremony.
Emily is handling|all the newspaper announcements.
- So not to worry.
That's all taken care of.
|- But- She's a fine young lady, Logan.
|I want her to be happy.
You'll take care of that, I assume.
All right, I'll let you get|back to your coffee break.
Nice seeing all of you again.
|And, Logan, welcome to the family, son.
I do hope one of his dopey-looking friends|knows CPR or he just might not make it.
You're the best, Grandpa.
All right, who's next?|Paris giving you any trouble? Not any more than usual.
However, there is a girl|in my modern poetry class who keeps kicking my chair.
- I do love this place.
|- Right back at you, Grandpa.
English
|- I'm sorry.
I didn't see you there.
Oh, goodness.
|What's left to wear on your feet? I know.
It's a sickness.
Everyone thinks|it started with Bradshaw.
But, actually,|it came over on the "Mayflower.
" - What a wonderful history lesson.
|- Any time.
Pasqualie's feeling unappreciated again.
We had "Stars Hollow|Loves Pasqualie Day" last week.
Didn't stick.
Listen, I want to invite you|to my anniversary party.
- Absolutely.
Which husband?|- No husband.
I'm talking about a lover that's been much more loyal|and seductive than a husband.
I'm talking about that|business we call show.
- Forty years.
|- No.
Forty years ago today,|I did my first play, off-Broadway.
- Off-Broadway?|- Cleveland.
- That is off-Broadway.
|- Anyhow, I thought I'd throw a big party food, booze, a little song, a little dance,|a little salsa down your pants.
- Well, count me and my pants in.
|- Wonderful.
I will even drag Luke there.
So if there's any audience participation,|please pick on him.
- Luke won't come.
|- Sure he will.
I have very effective|methods of persuasion.
They include extremely high heels and|all of Jessica Simpson's bath products.
No, honey.
|The party's on Tuesday.
The thirtieth.
- So?|- So the thirtieth is the dark day.
What dark day? Luke's dark day.
|The day that he disappears.
- Disappears? Where?|- Nobody knows.
Nobody knows|where he goes or what he does.
All we know is not to try and find him.
- Why didn't I know about this?|- I don't know, honey.
Everyone else does.
Anyhow, you come yourself, okay? 8:00.
I'll be there.
See you Tuesday, Patty.
Oh, Pasqualie, the maestro.
|My God, you look virile today.
- Are you sure your wife won't share you?|- She's good.
- I don't agree.
|- You're living in a fantasy world.
- I have classes all day long.
|- I hear you protesting.
I've got a double major|of poli-sci and bio-chem, Terrence.
- I see you over-scheduling.
|- Sorry, I'm just getting water here.
Paris, you're not yelling at me.
|You're yelling at the world.
I'm not yelling at all.
|This is the natural register of my voice.
It's the register of a timid little girl|who is not putting herself out there.
- I am putting myself out there.
|- Why are you arguing with Terrence? Why? Look, I know I haven't dated lately,|but Asher was very important to me.
Hey, Paris, I can't find my notebook.
The|black one with all my yellow notes in it.
You have not put yourself out there.
He just died.
Oh, for God's sake.
|He was halfway dead when you met him.
Rory, has she been|putting herself out there or not? - Out where?|- Out in the world.
Has she tried to meet men|since Asher died? You don't just meet people.
|It doesn't happen.
I'll just go in my room now.
Look at your Dream Log.
|You are months behind.
And your Pretty-Thoughts Journal.
Okay, fine.
|I have neglected thinking pretty.
But I hardly think I should be penalized|for time lost - while you were in court-ordered rehab.
|- Hey, Paris, what's this? I had a back problem.
The prescription was at home|in my Filofax.
This is a message|from Headmaster Charleston.
- When did Headmaster Charleston call?|- Earlier.
- And you didn't tell me?|- I'm in session.
Hello, Headmaster Charleston,|this is Rory Gilmore.
I'm sorry it took so long to call you back.
|I just got your message.
Sweetie, that was|a little passive-aggressive.
- We should talk later.
|- So, how are you? - I'm very well.
How are you enjoying Yale?|- I love it.
Is it everything you thought it would be? It's nothing like I thought it would be.
|It's better, actually.
I have no doubt.
Now, I'm calling because we often ask|a former Chilton student to host a prospective Yale student|for a couple of days.
Show them around, let them observe|classes, campus life.
That sort of thing.
- I was wondering if you'd be interested.
|- Me? Yes, this is a very speciaI young lady.
|Bright, focused, quietly determined.
- She reminds me a great deal of you.
|- Thank you.
I assume you haven't changed.
I've upgraded the wardrobe a little bit,|but I'm basically still me.
Excellent.
Then I hope|you'll consider accepting.
I know your workload must be substantial.
- That's okay.
I can handle it.
|- So, I can take that as a "Yes"? Yes, take it as a "Yes," and thank you.
- I'm honored.
|- Her name is Anna Fairchild.
She's 16 years old, and she'll be arriving Monday morning at 9:00.
|Does that work for you? - That works perfectly.
|- Very well.
It's a date.
I'm very glad to talk to you again,|Ms.
Gilmore.
Yale certainly sounds like|it's agreeing with you.
I hope it will also agree|with Miss Fairchild.
- Like Sabrina.
|- I beg your pardon? - Sabrina Fairchild.
That was her name.
|- Did we segue into discussing a movie? - And we can segue right out again.
|- I'm very gratefuI for that.
All right, then.
My office will be contacting|you with the particulars.
I hope you have a wonderful time.
|I'm sure Miss Fairchild will.
Thank you, Headmaster Charleston.
|I won't let you down.
What a nice thing to hear.
|I'm sure we'll be talking soon.
- Goodbye.
|- Goodbye.
- This is a very big honor, you know.
|- Oh, I know.
Of all the Chilton alumni at Yale,|they're asking you? I know.
I know.
Well, have you thought about what kinds of things|you'd like to show her? Well, she'll go to all of my classes|with me, of course.
And I thought maybe she'd go|to the paper with me and then I thought, maybe a trip to the Beinecke|Rare Book and Manuscript Library.
Oh, you're going to show her|the Gutenberg.
- Steve?|- Bible.
- Right.
|- Then I was torn between taking her|to the Hewitt Memorial Quadrangle or the science center and gymnasium.
That is a conundrum.
Yeah, especially since|she'll be snoring by then.
You'll just be dragging|her dead body weight around the campus.
Lorelai, these things are of great interest to any young person|considering attending Yale.
Oh, I am sure.
I personally would enjoy|every single thing on my list.
Yes, I know, but it wouldn't hurt|to maybe throw a little something fun in.
I'm not talking a kegger but just walk her by the crazy|drama students yelling "Give me a location.
"|or something like that.
- You know, your mother may be right.
|- Who heard that? Well, a good college experience|is a well-rounded college experience.
It's important for you to show her|that Yale students have fun, too.
- Have her touch the toe.
|- Yeah.
- Touch the toe?|- The toe.
The statue of Theodore Woolsey.
It brings good luck to everyone|who touches his feet.
And for that reason, he has one left toe|that's been rubbed completely shiny.
Wow, that is fun.
Make sure you get a parent-consent form|for that one.
Oh, it is so exciting watching you at Yale.
|It was such a wonderful time for me.
The people that you meet there will stay with you for the rest of your life.
|Mark my words.
- Tell me, are you making good friends?|- Yeah, I have some good friends.
- And what about Mr.
Huntzberger?|- Who is Mr.
Huntzberger? Logan Huntzberger's a boy|I go to school with.
- A fine boy, from a fine family.
|- You know him? His parents are very good friends of ours.
- You know Mitchum Huntzberger, Lorelai.
|- No.
He's been coming to our Christmas parties|for years.
No.
His mother's on the pediatric hospital|committee with your mother.
- No.
|- Well, Logan is their son.
And I noticed that you two|seemed to be hitting it off the other night.
- The other night?|- He's very nice, Grandpa.
Now, I don't want to be too forward,|but you made a handsome couple.
Was this Logan at the male Yale party|you guys threw? He's the one|who gave me a ride home, Mom.
Oh, Limo-boy.
Swell.
He's also on the paper with me.
His father owns some of the finest|newspapers in the country.
- I know.
|- Not a bad connection, huh? Nope, not a bad connection at all.
- Hey, so tell me about this Logan.
|- It's 3 degrees out here.
As of tonight, my father knows way more|personal dish about you than I do.
That's not right or fair.
He doesn't get as|much enjoyment out of the dish as I do.
For him, the dish is always half-empty.
You're just talking to keep yourself warm,|aren't you? What is the deal with this guy?|Are you dating? No, we're not dating.
He's just a friend.
How close? For example,|if we freeze to death will he come to the funeral|or just send a nice fruit basket? I know him from school.
|He's just a casual friend.
That's it.
- Do you think he's cute?|- It doesn't matter if I think he's cute.
It matters to me.
|I don't want ugly grandchildren.
Mom, I'm not dating Logan or anyone.
Since Dean, I'm taking a boy break, okay?|I'm just concentrating on school.
- Fine, but if that changes|- You'll be the first to know.
Okay, thank you.
'Cause there are not|many ways I can outdo my father.
Info on you, and looking better in chiffon,|that's about it.
Oh, and my pole dance is way hotter.
- I'm frozen now.
|- Okay, let's go.
In my hand, ladies and gentlemen sits the true advantage|of dating a diner owner.
I am never more|than 10 feet away from pie.
See, I thought it was the way|we always smell faintly of meat.
Oh, it's heaven.
One quick trip downstairs,|and I have all the treats I want.
- You're like Willy Wonka but hotter.
|- I am not hotter than Willy Wonka.
Slap on a purple top hat, and you're close.
This is nice.
I think it's going very well, you and me.
|You think it's going very well? I have very few complaints.
I'm going right past|the "very few complaints" comment 'cause I know you're just trying to bait me.
|What complaints? Hey, so, Luke Miss Patty is celebrating|her 40-year anniversary.
- Which husband?|- With the business we call show.
Oh, him.
And she's having a big party,|and I told her we'd go.
Oh, man.
- It'll be fun.
|- It will not be fun.
She'll be wearing tap shoes,|and there'll be songs and punch and at least one story|about Milton Berle's penis.
- Only one?|- Come on, I have to have you there.
Otherwise, people will think|I made you up.
- Fine, I'll go.
|- Thank you.
Okay, so, it's Tuesday at 8:00.
I can't go Tuesday.
- Why not?|- I have to go out of town.
- Why?|- Business.
Business? Now you're Willy Loman? Banking business in Woodbury.
|Standing appointment.
Sorry.
Hit the light, will you?|I have to get up early.
Night.
Okay, night.
Wait till you see all the stuff|I got for Anna.
Yale T-shirt, Bulldog sweatshirt,|Yale baseball cap, visor, coffee mug.
I told you to open a window|when you're hot-gluing in here.
It's freezing outside.
Oh, wait.
This is new.
|They just came out with these.
- The Yale soda cozy.
How cute is that?|- I can't believe you.
You don't even have|your loser card-swiping job anymore and you're buying all this crap|for some kid you don't even know? I'm trying to make her feel welcome.
Oh, she'll feel welcome.
|They all feel welcome.
- Who's they?|- The enemy.
- What enemy?|- Any girl under the age of 17 is the enemy.
- Okay, I'm opening a window now.
|- They're coming for everything.
They're going to take our jobs,|our thunder, our starter husbands.
- Don't you have a class to get to?|- They're coming, Rory.
They're coming,|and they're going to keep on coming like the locusts descending on Mankato.
We'll be beating them off|for the rest of our lives.
Please, don't be here when she arrives.
|I don't want you to scare her off.
Me? Scare her off? Please.
She's the one with the alabaster skin|and the perky breasts.
Do not say "perky breasts" to her.
- Do you understand me?|- Eve Harrington has arrived.
- Hi, I'm looking for Rory Gilmore.
|- I'm Rory.
You must be Anna.
- Yes.
|- Great, come in.
- Did you find it okay?|- I got lost a couple of times but people were really nice|and got me here.
Yeah, it's a friendly world out there,|isn't it? Anna, this is my roommate,|Paris, and I'm sorry.
- For what?|- Trust me.
Okay.
Okay, let me show you around the place.
- That is Paris' room.
|- Don't go in.
That is my room.
And this is the common room,|which is also your bedroom.
- The bathroom is literally outside the door.
|- Okay.
And there's a fridge with water|or soda or whatever you want.
Oh, and I got you|some welcome-to-Yale gifts.
Oh, really? Thank you.
I'm really glad you're here.
|You are going to love Yale.
It's an amazing place.
I mean, I was excited|when I first started here but every day is different and better.
You have no idea|how much there is to learn.
It's - Well, you'll see.
|- Okay, I actually snagged us some caviar.
They were all out of toast points,|but I think we can use Doritos and achieve a very similar result.
Hey.
- This is Anna.
|- Did Paris move? - I'm right here, Marty.
|- I know, Paris.
Anna is from Chilton, my alma mater.
I'm|showing her around Yale for a few days.
Oh, cool.
I'll put this in the fridge.
In my room.
- Thanks.
Okay, you ready?|- I'm ready.
- You have boys bringing you food.
|- Yale is a magical place, Anna.
A magical, magical place.
The oldest part of the campus is,|of course, the Old Campus and it houses|most of the undergraduate freshman class.
It was begun|by Theodore Dwight Woolsey President of Yale from 1846 to 1871.
Over here is the Elihu Yale bench.
Now, Eli Yale was an officer|in the British East India Company.
He gave what was then called|the Collegiate School £562 and 417 books|and a portrait of King George I.
And so it was renamed in his honor.
He actually gave an additional|£500 to the school but Yale College never received it|because he mistakenly sent it to the nonexistent Collegiate School apparently forgetting that|Yale was named after him.
Wait, this is the wrong bench.
So keep the story,|but cross out the diagram.
Moving on|There's actually an ongoing rumor that you can automatically graduate|and earn your degree if you become sufficiently fluent|in Latin, Greek, and Hebrew.
Imagine all the tables|you could wait with those skills, huh? Okay, you are about to get|a firsthand feel of what it's like to work|on a real newspaper.
Now be prepared.
It is an extremely hectic,|fast-paced environment.
Don't get intimidated,|and don't get in the way.
Ready? Here it is.
Everyone must be out|getting a scoop or something but you just wait.
It can heat up in a second.
|And when it does, man, watch out.
- My desk is over here.
|- I do not care.
Hey, I am your editor, Paris,|and I demand that you tell me.
I won't tell you where I got it, Doyle.
You will if you want|to stay on this newspaper.
Okay, you are now privy to one|of the classic journalistic dilemmas between reporter and editor: the right to withhold and protect sources.
Damn it, Paris, you tell me|where you got that pen right now.
- The pen fairy.
|- That is one of my personal fine-point gel-tip pens|from my bottom right-hand drawer and you went into that drawer,|and you took that pen, and it's mine.
Okay, for "fine-point gel-tip" substitute "confidential source|deep within the administration.
" You get a little thrill, don't you? Hang on a sec.
Hey.
Question: have you ever heard anything|about Luke's dark day? His what? Well, one day a year,|he apparently has a dark day.
No one knows where he goes|or what he does.
He just disappears.
I've heard nothing about this.
Okay, well, did we see him|on November 30th last year? How am I supposed to know? Because you keep all those|crazy, anal Bob Graham kind of notebooks.
"8:00 a.
m.
: got up.
8:15: brushed teeth.
"8:25: had impure thoughts.
|8:36: sent dwarves off to work.
" I do not have my diaries|from last November on me at the moment.
- But you do have them.
|- Yes.
And they will contain|where we ate breakfast that morning.
Yes.
- I love my little circus freak.
|- I'll call you later.
- Did your Mini-Me show up?|- Yeah, her name's Anna.
She's right here.
- How's the tour going?|- It's going great.
How many boring bench lectures|did you give? Two, but they were about the same bench.
You know what? I have someone standing|abnormally close to me, right now.
- I'll call you later?|- Okay, say hi to Kirk for me.
Okay, bye.
Kirk, what can I do for you? - I have a business proposition for you.
|- Okay.
- How often do you slip in your tub?|- Never.
Okay, it doesn't work|if you answer like that.
Constantly.
I never stop slipping,|even when I get out.
I thought so.
Then my new line of bath-and-shower adhesive decals|are for you.
"Yesterday, today, and tomorrow.
" Yesterday's retro designs|in today's fashion colors with tomorrow's traction technology.
Well, Kirk, this looks very impressive|and, wow, very expensive.
Well, it's yesterday's retro designs|in today's fashion colors with tomorrow's traction technology.
Well, why don't you leave|the catalog with me and I'll look it over? Could you look at it now? It's my only one.
Okay.
I like that one.
If you put the fishes' faces together,|it looks like they're kissing.
Hey, Kirk, do you know anything|about Luke's dark day? - Everyone knows about Luke's dark day.
|- Do you know what it is? Not the details,|just that he has it once a year.
- I think it goes back a long, long time.
|- Yeah? Sure, I mean, Luke's always had|a touch of darkness in him.
I guess we all do, but Luke's a little more touched than some.
He's kind of grabbed, actually.
What do you think it's about? When I was in seventh grade,|Luke knocked the books out of my hands.
Because of his dark day? No, everyone knocked my books|out of my hands.
I was kind of a target.
|I used to wear a cape to school.
Now, outside,|we just passed the women's table which was designed by Maya Lin.
She's also the one who designed|the Vietnam War Memorial which, by the way,|originally was a class project for which she received a B.
The teacher who gave her the B also submitted a design|for the war memorial but hers was chosen.
His was not.
That's a life lesson to remember.
This is Sterling Memorial Library.
One of my favorite places on campus.
It was built in 1930,|and it houses over one-third of the university's 10 million volumes.
I love libraries.
I just spend|I can't tell you how many hours just - You're not writing.
|- Oh, sorry.
- So I come here sometimes, late at night-|- I just love how everybody's dressed.
- What?|- No uniforms.
I love that there's no uniforms.
- College to me means no more uniforms.
|- Oh, right.
However, wait till you're late for class and it takes you 20 minutes|to put together an outfit.
Suddenly you'll miss those uniforms.
How many guys have you dated|since you've been here? Oh, well, none from Yale.
Anyhow, the books.
|Are you seeing the books? Everything you'd want to read|is right here.
Feel it.
Feels good, right? Now smell it.
Nothing, nothing, smells like that.
I'm sorry.
Excuse me.
|Did I just see you smell that book? - Hey, Logan.
|- Hey, Ace.
Who's your friend? Oh, Anna, this is Logan.
Logan,|this is Anna.
She's from my high school.
- I'm showing her around campus.
|- Hi.
Well, high school? Nah,|I would've sworn you're a college girl.
- So, is she showing you a good time?|- I'm showing her everything important.
Good.
Make sure she takes you|by the pub.
Local place.
Everyone goes there.
- I'm not taking her to the pub.
|- Oh, please? The pub sounds fun.
You don't have to drink.
|They do have coffee.
It's a cool scene.
Make her take you.
|Bring a book to sniff.
What are you doing in a library anyhow? Got lost.
Don't tell anyone I was here.
|Ruin my rep.
Anna, it's been a pleasure.
See you, Ace.
- He's cute.
|- Yes, he is, but not as cute as Pushkin.
Right this way, missy.
- Fine.
Do whatever you want.
|- Well, I'm sorry you're so upset.
You're giving me a week's notice.
What am I supposed to do|with a week's notice? Well, my son just called me from Florida|to tell me the condo moved.
Okay, fine, go.
Enjoy Florida.
I hear they have great weather there.
|Terrific hurricanes.
Make sure you bring plenty of plywood|and bottled water.
- Hey, hi, hello.
|- What are you doing here? I was just driving down the street,|and I saw you.
I thought I'd stop by|and say "hey, hi, hello.
" - Hello, Mrs.
Thompson.
|- Hello, dear.
- So what's going on?|- Nothing.
Nothing's going on.
Luke, please understand.
|There's nothing I can do.
I've already found someone|to rent the house.
And they have cars.
- And you just agreed to that?|- Well, it seemed rather reasonable to me.
Oh, come on.
- Luke's very upset with me.
|- Why? Well, his father rented the garage.
He was building a boat,|and he didn't have room at his place so he paid me to do it here.
And then when he died,|Luke continued to pay for the garage.
And now I'm moving to a nursing home,|and I need him to move his boat.
You're mad because this little old lady|is moving to a nursing home and you have to move your boat? Is this really the story|you want to stick to? She called me out of the blue,|and I paid for an entire month.
I can give you a partial refund if you like.
Where am I supposed to find a space|to store a boat on a moment's notice? Did you think about that|for even a second? Could we sit down? The doctor says|the screw in my hip is loose.
Yes, yes, let's sit.
|Let's sit and calmly try to figure this out.
No, no.
I've got it figured out.
|Just haul it off.
Trash it.
- Haul what off?|- The boat? Yes, the boat.
Scrap it.
Find somebody to drag it away - and cut it up for firewood.
|- Oh, now, Luke.
Who's gonna haul it off? Anyone.
Just find a guy|with a truck and a hook.
And strap it on and drive it away|and send me the bill.
- I'm done.
|- Luke.
We'll be right back.
Luke, stop.
What, what, and what? I have been paying that woman|every month for 15 years.
Luke, she's moving to a nursing home.
And my dad was paying her every month|20 years before that.
- Nursing home, Luke.
|- I know where she's going.
- She's not trying to hurt you.
|- Whatever.
- Where are you going?|- Back to the diner.
- Let me drive you.
|- No.
I can drive you back to the diner.
I promise if we pass any senior citizens,|I'll let you jump out and pants them.
Fine.
And over here we have|the world-famous Luke's Diner home of the best coffee|on the East Coast and the most delightful|and chatty proprietor since Mel kissed Flo's grits.
Okay, well, I should get back to the inn.
I hope you've enjoyed your tour and don't forget to buy yourself|a souvenir plastic monkey on the way out.
Tomorrow's the anniversary|of my dad's death.
Oh, hon And every year on that anniversary I disappear.
|I don't work.
I don't talk to anyone.
I get into kind of a funk.
It's like You have a dark day.
Yeah, I have a dark day.
I thought I should tell you this|because we're in a relationship.
I thought you might wonder why I suddenly don't answer the phone|or I'm not around.
Why you can't flip your hair and con me into going|to Miss Patty's crazy anniversary party.
- The hair flip is that effective?|- You combine that with your black dress you could probably get me|to be your backup dancer.
I'll remember that.
I've never told anyone this before.
|I don't really like to talk about it.
I guess that explains|the thing with Mrs.
Thompson.
Yeah.
Some timing,|her springing this boat thing on me now.
I'll apologize to her.
You know, he never finished that boat.
It's been sitting there|half-done for 15 years.
Hey, Luke,|don't you think you might have been a little too hasty about the boat decision? I mean, you're upset and I bet|someday you're gonna be really sorry you don't have that boat anymore.
No, it's better|she gets rid of the thing now.
- But-|- I haven't even looked at that boat since my dad got sick.
It's - Not a glance, nothing.
|- Even more reason.
If it's gone,|then I don't have to deal with it.
It's time to move on, you know? - But-|- I'm fine, really.
- Thanks for the ride.
|- Anytime.
- I love it here.
|- You love it here? We just walked in.
I know, but it feels so collegiate.
Actually, you know what is great|about this place? - Eli Yale drank here?|- No, they make amazing cappuccinos.
- You want one?|- Yeah.
- Okay, you go sit, and I'll get the coffees.
|- Okay.
- Two cappuccinos, please.
|- Sure thing.
Hey.
- Hi, you just get here?|- Yeah.
- You want a|- Yes, please.
I'm sorry.
|Could you make that three cappuccinos? So, how's it going? I think I may have overwhelmed Anna.
|Her hand cramped up about an hour ago.
And it's been spasming ever since.
- Where is she?|- She's right - Really?|- You wanna go to a party tonight? I turn around for one minute.
Excuse me.
Oh, Rory, Mark and Matthew|were just telling me about a great party tonight.
Really? That was very nice of them.
|Thank you, Matthew and Mark, was it? - That's right.
|- Well, how biblical.
Okay, well, our schedule|is completely full at the moment but if that changes, if things lighten up or if she suddenly ages two years|in the next three hours then we'll know where to find you, okay?|Bye-bye, now.
Bye-bye.
We'll be over here, just in case.
- Rory.
|- Anna.
Oh, this is so not fair.
|You get to talk to boys.
What? Well, you were over there|talking to Marty.
That's different.
Marty's just a friend,|which is another great thing about college.
You learn to have guy friends.
|Nothing romantic, just a good pal.
Those boys|are not interested in your friendship unless the word "friendship"|is tattooed on your butt.
Now, drink your coffee.
It's good, huh? Can I sleep with the TV on? Yeah, as long as you don't wake Paris up.
|And that advice is for your own good.
- And if I can't go to sleep?|- Then you don't go to sleep.
I love that.
I love not having|someone tell me when to go to sleep.
- Yes, it's great.
|- I love sleeping with the TV on and I love having no parents around,|and I love cappuccino and I love apple muffins,|and I love college.
What's she on? Four cappuccinos|and the three Red Bulls from the fridge.
- Enjoy your night.
How do I look?|- Where are you going? I'm putting myself out there, Rory.
- Now?|- Yes, now.
It's 11:00 at night.
Who are you hoping to hook up with now,|Spike and Drusilla? - Just tell me if my lipstick is too whorish.
|- No, just whorish enough.
Going out at 11:00 at night? I love college.
I may suffocate her when I get back.
- Hey, if you can catch her.
|- Bye.
Good luck.
- Good night, Anna.
|- Night.
Which brings us to this question: Does Campbell's work successfully resolve|the disparate stances of Jung and Freud when it comes|to the collective unconscious? Hey, pay attention.
Professor Bell is one of the foremost|philosophy professors in the country.
- Sorry.
|- bordered on being metaphysical? All right, let's call that close enough.
But now, Campbell can point|to the repetition of the hero myth in culture after culture and say: "Hey, Sigmund, like it or not "here are the same basic characters|over and over"- Excuse me.
I'm sorry, I'm sorry.
I'm right in the middle of a class,|young man.
I know.
I'm sorry, I just|Rory, you can't just walk out like that.
Not after everything we've been through.
|You just left.
I was still in bed.
I mean, what is that all about? Okay, you need to do this later.
I can't do this later.
|Rory, I love you.
I love you, damn it.
How many times do I have to tell you?|God, just talk to me.
- Okay, out.
Right now.
Just get-|- Colin.
What are you doing, man?|Get the hell out of here.
She's with me now.
I told you.
Let it go.
- I will not let it go.
|- She doesn't love you.
Rory, tell him you don't love him.
Everything was fine until you came along.
Don't blame me|'cause you couldn't keep her.
- I swear to God, I'm gonna kill you.
|- Oh, I'd love to see you try.
Stop it.
Stop it right now.
|Anthony, get security.
Break it up.
What are you Gentlemen, you are losing control.
|You're in a classroom with students All right, that's enough.
|Break it up, you two.
Rory Gilmore,|you should be ashamed of yourself.
Toying with these boys like this.
They used to have pride.
|They used to have dignity.
They used to have balls.
Damn it, Gilmore,|give them back their balls.
- God, this is a lot of junk.
|- I know.
Who has three Thighmasters|besides Suzanne Somers? Well, Mrs.
Thompson, apparently.
You'd think if you had three Thighmasters,|you'd wear some slacks once in a while.
I'm sorry, but why exactly|did you have to take all this crap? It was the only way|I could get her to give me the boat.
Some guy wanted it,|and she got him to buy all her other crap.
So if I wanted the boat,|I had to take everything and that's what I did.
I just have to hide it for a few days,|then I'll move it.
- Where?|- I don't know.
Somewhere.
The inn.
|I'll put it in the old stable out back.
- Are you ever gonna tell Luke?|- Yes.
- When?|- A week, a year.
I haven't thought that far in advance.
I just couldn't let her|get rid of his dad's boat.
What if we hang the Thighmasters on it? - Or get more trees.
|- Yeah, or get more trees.
- Jackson's got some trees at home.
|- Think I could borrow them? Sure, we'll just wait till he lies down|for his nap and sneak them out.
Great, then I'll hop a fence and get Richard Widmark|to sign my grapefruit.
I'd like to welcome you all|to today's speed-dating session.
Many of you have been with us before.
|Many of you are first-timers.
For the latter group, here are the rules.
|Each couple will have one minute to talk and get a sense of the person|across from them.
When the bell rings, the women|will get up and switch tables.
Men, stay where you are.
This will continue until every|woman has met every man and after that, it's up to you.
Are we all ready?|Then let the dating begin.
- I'm Jack.
|- Paris.
Did your parents travel a lot? - Why?|- Your name is Paris.
No.
Did your parents|change flat tires a lot? What? - Or plug the phone into the wall a lot?|- No.
Great, so we've cleared up that mystery.
What's next on your fascinating|list of talking points? - What's your major?|- Seriously? You've got one minute|to make an impression and that's all you can come up with? You want to know my sign, too, Jack?|Or how about my favorite color? Or if I'm a Britney or a Christina?|Here, I'll ask you a question.
Was the last time you had|an interesting thought when you considered flinging|yourself off a building? Bye, Jack.
I'll write Mother immediately.
Paris, and no, my parents didn't travel.
Billy, and I have no idea what that means.
- Never mind.
So, what's your story, Billy?|- Well, I'm a drama major.
- Doyle.
|- Paris.
- I'm surprised to see you here.
|- I could say the same for you.
So, you find any good prospects? - Yes, one girl wants to have 11 children.
|- Good God.
The second one was cut off quickly.
|Thank you, by the way.
The words "Latter-Day Saints"|were about to come out of her mouth.
- I can't believe I came here.
|- It's my third time.
You ever meet anyone|you actually wanted to date? My bar is so not that high.
I don't see one person in this room|that shouldn't be sterilized immediately.
Right there with you.
So, you've been reading|about those skeletons they've been finding|on the island of Flores, right? Oh, yeah.
They're only 13,000 years old.
|That's nothing in geological time.
They made tools and probably|had a language and- Keep moving, sister.
Hey, you know|they were supposed to be master hunters.
Even though they were diminutive in size.
And then, when that other guy came in|in that outfit how great was that? We also studied Dylan Thomas today.
|Why don't we talk about that for a while? Yeah, that was cool.
But when Logan and Colin started to fight,|that was so amazing.
The teacher had nothing to say, nothing.
|He just stood there.
- Think they'll get in trouble for that?|- Oh, probably not.
God, that's great.
The freedom.
I mean, you can do anything in college.
|No rules, no consequences.
Anna, there are always consequences.
|You're getting the wrong idea.
College is not just a crazy, wild,|sleep-deprived hedonistic society.
- Oh.
It wasn't the TV.
|- No, it wasn't the TV.
- This isn't what it looks like.
|- I hope not.
- I told you it wasn't the TV.
|- Hi, Paris.
- All right, fine.
Doyle and I had sex.
|- Okay, Anna, get your coat.
We met at speed-dating,|and we considered having dinner first but we both knew where it was|going to end up, so we figured we'd just cut to the chase|and save the calories.
- Hurry up, Anna.
|- Where are we going? - Dinner.
|- It's only 5:00.
You've no right to be repulsed|by my sex life.
This is an exceptionally comfortable robe.
Dinner whenever you want,|random sex whenever you want.
I can't wait to go to college.
- Ice cream and cereal for dinner.
|- Yeah, yeah, yeah.
College rocks.
- Ladies.
|- Hi, Logan.
- How are we doing this fine evening?|- We're doing great.
You want to join us? Sure.
- So, dull day, huh?|- Not for me.
- Someone's quiet.
|- Got nothing to say.
Do you get the sense|that she's mad at me? Yup.
Hey, Anna, why don't you head on over|to the fro-yo social? You remember where it is, right? Yeah, but I just had|three scoops of ice cream.
Kid, you're in college now, okay?|Now, go get yourself some yogurt.
Are you going to come, Logan? I'm not sure how well I'll be walking, here,|in a minute, Anna.
Oh, okay.
Bye.
That's not a good look.
- I have no words.
|- It was just a joke.
Oh, no, wait.
I thought of some:|jerk, ass, arrogant, inconsiderate mindless, frat-boy, lowlife,|butt-faced miscreant.
"Butt-faced miscreant"? - Why would you do something like that?|- I'm sorry, "butt-faced miscreant"? Here I am, trying to show Anna|what college life is really like- - That is what college life is really like.
|- Maybe your college life, not mine.
That was my class, Logan.
That was my professor|who decides my grades and you made me look ridiculous to him.
No, I made me look ridiculous to him.
Oh, you don't think|he thinks I was a part of it? I'll talk to him.
I'll tell him you were|an innocent bystander.
The whole class was in a frenzy|the entire time.
We never got back|to what we were talking about.
There's another class next week.
I know that classes|and the paper and Yale in general mean nothing to you,|but it means something to me.
Professor Bell's course|is only six weeks long and you blew one of those weeks for me.
I won't get that week back.
Look, you want a close and personal time|with Bell, my dad knows him.
- He'll arrange-|- Please stop talking.
I'm sorry you're so bent out of shape.
|I didn't mean to upset you.
Anna thinks that Yale is just a big joke.
If Anna thinks Yale is just a big joke|after spending five minutes with you then she was always gonna think|Yale was just a big joke.
Relax.
You and me, very different people.
I have to go.
To the fro-yo social? Yes, I have to go to the fro-yo social.
And yes, I do realize|how incredibly stupid that just sounded.
Excuse me.
All I'm saying is|I just want a little information.
Is this a relationship? A one-night stand? The beginning of a series|of late-night booty calls? I think I have the right to know.
I hear you.
Doyle, do you hear her? I do hear her.
I just don't understand why we can't decide this|amongst ourselves.
Because you can't, Doyle.
|Now, please tell Paris how you feeI.
Well, I feel that- Speak into the phone, Doyle.
|I can't hear you.
- Is Anna here?|- No, why? She didn't show up at the fro-yo social.
- Jeez, do you blame her.
|- I have to find her.
Why? Did you loan her money|or something? Just go back|to what you were doing, please.
Hey, Marty, I lost Anna.
|I don't know where.
Just Thanks.
If she comes back here, call me.
Go ahead, Doyle.
Tell him.
- Any idea where she'd go?|- No, she was supposed to meet me.
- I can't believe I let her go off by herself.
|- Well, we'll find her.
- Mom.
|- Hi.
Where would a 16-year-old girI go|for a good time? Oh, how sad that you had to come to me|for this conversation.
- Mom.
|- You were 16 a lot more recently than me.
- I lost Anna.
|- How did you lose Anna? She never showed at the fro-yo social.
Okay, relax.
16-year-old girl at college.
|You have to check parties.
Bars and Chinese restaurants rarely card.
- No Chinese restaurants around.
|- The pub.
Did you check the pub? No.
The pub.
We have to check the pub.
|Parties and the pub.
Okay, call me when you I have to go, hon.
|Call me when you find her.
- Okay, bye.
|- Bye.
- Oh, my God.
Are you okay?|- I smashed my leg on a Thighmaster.
I'm so sorry.
Yeah, and then I tripped|and smashed my other leg - on another Thighmaster.
|- I'm sorry.
Why the hell do you have|so many Thighmasters? I have a really bad thigh complex.
|Are you bleeding? You want to come in? No, I'm fine.
I just You left your glasses at my house.
- I thought you might need them.
|- Thank you.
I didn't think you'd be here.
- I thought you were going to Patty's thing.
|- I was just leaving.
- I don't have to go if you want to come in.
|- No, it's okay.
I'm still going through my dark day.
|I'm gonna go.
Okay.
Sorry about your foot.
- What's going on with your garage?|- What? - Your garage door looks all weird.
|- Oh, no, it's fine.
It's jammed.
Just leave it.
You can't leave it open like that.
|You could ruin all your stuff.
That's okay.
Too much stuff anyhow.
|If a little bit gets ruined serves me right for being|so darn materialistic.
- What are all these trees doing here?|- No, just stop.
Go back to your dark day.
|No, no, don't, don't.
There's clowns in there|and puppies wearing costumes and they'll cheer you up,|and then your dark day will be ruined.
What is this? - It's your boat.
|- I thought I told her to get rid of this boat.
She did.
She sold it to me with all of her|other crap.
She made a killing, actually.
I just couldn't stand the idea that you might regret someday|giving this boat away.
- Even though I said I wanted it gone?|- Yes, I know, but you were upset.
- No, I was cranky.
Now I'm upset.
|- I'm sorry.
I just thought- You thought about you.
|You thought about you and how you'd feel.
You didn't think about me|or the fact that I said I wanted to get rid of this damn boat.
- I said it, you heard it, and you ignored it.
|- Because I didn't want you- You have no respect for what I wanted.
|This was my dad.
This was his boat,|and this decision was mine.
- This was not yours.
|- I know.
This is who I am.
I don't want to hang on to things|or stare at things.
Except my horoscope which is absolutely the wrong|thing to bring up right now.
I'm sorry.
- I'm getting out of here.
|- No, I'm sorry.
Please, just stay and yell at me.
Why? What's the point?|You don't listen to anything I say, anyhow.
- She's nowhere.
|- She's not nowhere.
This is all my fault.
- There's more bars.
We'll find her.
|- God, I'm so stupid.
If I didn't have to confront Logan|like that I wouldn't have had to send her off on her|own and we wouldn't be looking for her.
We'll find her.
He's so frustrating, that guy.
I mean, I don't know what I did|to get on his bad side or why he just has to come after me like- - Oh, stop it.
|- What? He's not coming after you.
He likes you.
- He does not.
|- Oh, please, Rory.
Marty, he does not like me.
|I mean, look at what he did.
Look at that stunt that he pulled.
|He totally humiliated me.
Attention like that from people like Logan|is like being tapped.
- You've been anointed.
You're in.
|- In what? In with him, with his group.
He likes you.
- Stop being so naive.
It's annoying.
|- Marty- Hello? Ms.
Gilmore, Headmaster Charleston here.
Oh, hi, Headmaster Charleston.
|What's going on? Well, not much.
Thank you for asking.
I was just wondering how things|are going with Miss Fairchild.
- Oh, fine.
|- Yes? Everything's great.
Wonderful.
|Then I can inform Anna's parents that the underage girl|the Yale campus police found when they broke up a rather raucous party|is, in fact, not their daughter.
- I'm sorry, Headmaster Charleston.
|- And what a help that is.
I tried.
I just|I turned around for a moment.
Did she tell you about the bench?|'Cause I spent a lot of time- I'm sorry, Ms.
Gilmore.
I have to go.
Some angry parents will be here|in a moment to talk to me.
I appreciate the attempt.
|Good luck at Yale.
Bye, Headmaster Charleston.
The campus police got her.
She came, she spent one day with me,|and she got sent home by the police.
And I think I'm going|to retroactively flunk high school.
- At least she's safe, right?|- Right.
Crappy, crappy day.
You want to take a cab? My treat.
Thanks.
I think I'm gonna walk.
- Marty|- I'll see you tomorrow.
- What are you doing?|- I smell like trees.
You do? Hey, me, too.
Now we're the crazy pine-scented ladies.
- How's your punch?|- It's good.
You okay? Yeah, fine, just fine.
Thank you.
Thank you, everyone.
I'm honored that you came here to help me celebrate|40 wonderful years on the stage.
It feels so good to be here|in front of an audience and so close to a piano.
So close to a piano.
Kirk.
Sorry.
Hey, Patty, why don't you do|a little something for us? Well, if you insist.
Hit it.
I'll be right back.
Hey.
See, there's a reason I stay away from people on this|particular day.
It's 'cause I kind of suck.
Oh, Luke, I'm so sorry.
|I should have listened to you.
I should have stayed out of it.
|You were right.
I didn't think.
I mean, I didn't think like you would think.
|I thought like I would think and my thinking is sometimes|very, very wrong if you're not me.
And, occasionally, if you are me.
You just keep thinking like you'd think.
I can do that.
Do you want to come in?|You can get drunk just standing next to the punch bowl.
- Nah, I'm still kind of|- I get it.
- I just didn't want us to-|- We're not.
- Yeah.
You go have a good time.
|- See you tomorrow.
- Yeah, you'll see me tomorrow.
|- Okay.
Logan.
Richard? Wow, this is a pleasant surprise.
- Finn, Colin, you know Richard, don't you?|- Well, hello, boys.
Nice to see you.
Logan, I wanted to talk to you.
|I just heard about the incident.
- The|- I heard that you professed your feelings - for Rory.
|- What? Mr.
Bell is a very dear friend of mine.
|As is the Dean of Admissions.
- You know this place.
News travels fast.
|- Yeah, look- I have to tell you that, while I understand|what could have driven you to such a public display of affection there is a proper time and place|for that sort of thing.
And a classroom in the middle of class|is not one of them.
- No, I know.
I-|- However, what's done is done.
It's out.
So I dropped by to tell you|that I've spoken to your father.
- My father.
|- We pounded out a few things property agreements, prenups,|that sort of thing.
- Okay, I think there's been-|- We came to a very fair agreement.
I'm sure you'll be pleased.
Now, we're setting up a dinner|for next week to finalize the engagement|and start talking about the ceremony.
Emily is handling|all the newspaper announcements.
- So not to worry.
That's all taken care of.
|- But- She's a fine young lady, Logan.
|I want her to be happy.
You'll take care of that, I assume.
All right, I'll let you get|back to your coffee break.
Nice seeing all of you again.
|And, Logan, welcome to the family, son.
I do hope one of his dopey-looking friends|knows CPR or he just might not make it.
You're the best, Grandpa.
All right, who's next?|Paris giving you any trouble? Not any more than usual.
However, there is a girl|in my modern poetry class who keeps kicking my chair.
- I do love this place.
|- Right back at you, Grandpa.
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