Hogan's Heroes (1965) s05e10 Episode Script
The Defector
( theme song playing ) * * And we have word from our contact in Berlin.
Rudolf Richter wants to defect.
Come on, Gretchen.
Field Marshal Richter? He has asked to be taken to England.
Hopes to negotiate a separate peace.
I got a picture of Churchill and Roosevelt going for that.
Colonel, you have an escape organization.
Your men are experienced.
The orders are that They want us to get him out? Look, the operation is planned for next Thursday.
The Field Marshal will be on an inspection tour.
I am to join him as his secretary, bring him to Stalag 13, then you take over.
That's great.
Who arranges the firing squad for us? I told you how important this is.
London has approved the plan.
He isn't happy just defecting? He has to stop off long enough to get all of us killed? You have helped so many people.
The first rule in the escape business is don't attract attention.
Richter's been on every poster, in newsreels, even on postcards since 1937.
Some kind of disguise would be the best Tell London we don't have a plastic surgeon at Stalag 13.
Now, it's out.
Just can't be done.
We can't handle it.
Just can't be done, that's all.
We'll do it, we'll do it.
The patrol is watching us.
See? Trouble already.
( sighs ) They're gone.
Colonel, what are you doing? In case they come back.
Field Marshal General Richter? His gold braid and his orchestra.
He's one of Hitler's closest friends.
They were schoolchildren together.
Blimey.
Hitler should have knocked him off during recess.
And they expect us to put him on the escape route, Colonel? That's it, he arrives Thursday.
Have Kinch contact a sub.
Tell them to stand by for a very important package.
Will do.
But everybody knows what he looks like.
I've already gone through that.
We just have to take extra precautions.
Maybe give him an escort.
Bloody charming.
I was thinking of you, Newkirk.
Double bloody charming sir.
Hey, Colonel, on the double! Yes, sir.
Boy, have we got company.
HOGAN: It's Richter.
NEWKIRK: You said he was due Thursday.
LeBEAU: This is not Thursday.
And the welcome wagon isn't even ready yet.
I hate a war where people drop in unexpectedly.
Oh, such a great honor.
Such a great honor.
A chair for the lady.
Uh, please be seated.
Don't sit there like a Schultz! Get a chair! SCHULTZ: Jawohl, Herr Kommandant, at once! Herr Field Marshal, we have had many high officials here-- Lieutenant Generals, full Generals.
Oh And once we even had a very peculiar Major General.
Schultz! But never a field marshal.
Oh, we are overwhelmed.
Simply overwhelmed.
Ja, ja, of course.
Even though we've never had an escape from Stalag 13.
I mean, we are a humble stalag, in fact, the humblest of them all.
( chuckling ): We never blow our own horn.
So I hear.
Ah-ah! To our fearless leader, your dear friend the Führer.
Ja.
To the Führer.
And, uh, may I ask to what we owe the pleasure of this visit, Herr Field Marshal? The Führer asked me to make an informal, unofficial inspection of our military establishments in this area.
It is fantastic the way you big men do things.
Mmm.
I decided to travel with just my secretary, Fräulein Clemens.
Herr Field Marshal is traveling incognito, more or less.
( laughing ): That's not easy.
I think that I would know Field Marshal Rudolf Richter anywhere.
Uh, wouldn't you, Schultz? The Field Marshal looks exactly like my wife's nephew.
( knock at door ) Uh.
Schultz, the door.
Jawohl, Herr Kommandant.
I'd like to see the Commandant, Schultz.
Tell him I'm not in.
SCHULTZ: Colonel Hogan, I'm awfully sorry, but the commandant is not in.
I can see him.
So can I, but he is not in.
Who is this man? It's Colonel Hogan, the senior prisoner of war officer.
Well, ask him to come in.
Schultz, don't tell a man I'm not here when I'm here.
( chuckling ) It is so difficult to get good sergeants these days, Herr Field Marshal.
Oh, may I present Colonel Hogan? This is Field Marshal Rudolf Richter and his secretary, Fräulein Clemens.
Fräulein.
Colonel Hogan.
Got yourself a big one.
So this is the enemy.
So they say.
What is it you wanted, Hogan? Well, I saw the Field Marshal arrive and thought you might be able to use the services of our chef, Corporal LeBeau.
That's very kind of you.
I accept your offer, and I will arrange an expression of, uh, appreciation for this later.
Oh, boy, will that cost.
Excuse me, Herr Field Marshal, but you, you seem so interested.
Perhaps you would care to talk with this officer? Would you like to have dinner with us tonight? Uh, of course, with Colonel Klink's permission.
Oh, it's, uh, hardly necessary for the Field Marshal to ask.
My stalag is your stalag, Herr Field Marshal.
Danke.
And, uh, to commemorate this visit, I, uh, may even call Berlin and ask them to change our name to the, uh, Rudolf Richter Stalag, huh? That's a good idea, Commandant, but a little expensive.
Expensive? You'd have to have all new stationery printed.
( chuckling uneasily ) Mmm, danke.
You are the first American officer I have ever met.
Very interesting.
I would like to meet more of you.
Oh, you will.
General Eisenhower is arranging it right now.
( chuckling ): That's very good.
Hogan is very amusing.
( chuckles ) More wine.
More wine! More wine quietly.
( sotto voce ): More wine.
My compliments.
Excellent.
The dinner is perfect.
Merci, Monsieur Field Marshal.
You see how it works, the camp guards steal from our Red Cross packages.
Really? I assure you, Herr Field Marshal And then we steal back from them.
It's a good arrangement; keeps everybody busy.
Ah-- Major Hochstetter! Heil Hitler.
Heil Hitler.
Well, forgive the intrusion, Herr Field Marshal.
I had no idea you were here.
Oh, you know the Field Marshal, Major Hochstetter? Oh, ja, I've had the pleasure.
And Fräulein Clemens, his secretary? Major.
This is an unexpected pleasure having the Gestapo with us, Major.
Official business? We like to keep an eye on the various stalags and their officers.
Especially Colonel Klink.
He's so jealous of your popularity, sir.
Hogan My superiors in Berlin feel that there are two dangers to the Third Reich: the Allies and Colonel Klink.
I don't find that very amusing, Major.
If you don't, I don't.
There has been more unexplained sabotage around Stalag 13 than any other place in Germany.
Who told you to start a war? There is a great lack of vigilance and security here.
I resent that.
I work very hard.
If you were a civilian, you would pay money for a rest cure like this.
I happen to be familiar with Colonel Klink's service record.
Ah, then you can only agree with me, ja? Quite the opposite.
He stands very high in Berlin.
He's a good administrator, efficient, loyal officer, and dedicated to the Führer.
I think you ought to pick up the dinner check, sir.
And I find it highly improper of you to talk about him the way you do.
I suggest you stop it.
Jawohl, Herr Field Marshal.
I, uh, wonder if I could see you privately for a moment? Major, anything you have to say to me, you can say in front of my friend, the Field Marshal.
This would be better discussed in the privacy of your office.
There has been an escape from Stalag Four.
I need your expert assistance.
Oh.
All right.
( chuckling ): When the chips are down, they always ask for the men of experience.
With your kind permission, sir.
Carry on.
We wanted to talk to you, Colonel Hogan.
And I want Schultz, don't you think you ought to get over to the office? The Commandant may need you.
Colonel Hogan, there are two prisoners here, you and the little cockroach-- I mean Corporal LeBeau-- and someone has to be here to guard you.
I will take over your duty, Sergeant.
You Herr Field Marshal? Ja, they wouldn't try to escape from me.
And Colonel Hogan is right.
The commandant may need you.
Thank you, Herr Field Marshal.
You really do look like my wife's nephew.
LeBeau, front and center.
This is the last bottle of wine, Colonel.
Never mind that-- get outside.
Try to keep the guard busy.
If Klink comes back, try to give us a warning.
Oui, Colonel.
All right, let's make it fast.
Now, we expected you Thursday.
What's the idea? We had no choice.
The Gestapo was watching me.
I had information, they were closing in.
It was now or possibly never.
So, Hochstetter's here tailing you.
Exactly.
It's brilliant.
No wonder you're a field marshal.
The Gestapo's on your tail, so you lead them right to your jumping-off spot for the escape.
Well, what was I to do? Where could I have gone? Anyplace but here.
Even to Berchtesgaden to see your pal.
Now, Major, just give me the facts and I'll solve your little problem.
Klink! Just be brief.
The bare essentials-- that's all I need.
I don't want to keep Field Marshal Richter waiting any longer than necessary.
I will keep you waiting at the Russian Front, you bubble-headed nobody! I'll tell Richter what you said-- every word.
Just answer my questions.
Did Richter make any advance arrangements to come here? No.
It was unexpected.
He just showed up at the gate with his secretary.
So, hmm? Why is Hogan having dinner with you? Major, what is this all about? Richter requested that Hogan dine with us.
He'd never met an enemy officer.
And what about that escape from Stalag Four you mentioned? There was no escape, Dummkopf! That was an excuse to get you out of there! Oh.
( knock at door ) Come in, come in, come in.
Excuse me, Herr Kommandant, but I want you to know I'm here in case you need me.
I need you; come in.
We don't need you; stay out.
Stay out.
Major, what's happening? You're being very mysterious.
Field Marshal General Rudolf Richter is suspected of treason.
( gasping ): What? The Gestapo has had him under surveillance for weeks-- orders from Himmler and the Führer.
I could return to Berlin and wait for a better opportunity to escape.
It's possible Hochstetter came here only to let the Field Marshal know he's under observation.
She's right, he may leave.
You're both in dreamland-- forget it.
Hochstetter wouldn't be here without orders, and it's a cinch they don't add up to a ripe old age for you, Richter.
What can we do? I'm trapped.
We got to make our move before he makes his.
Richter, you're going to disappear.
Now you see him, now you don't.
Disappear? First thing we got to do is get you out of that doorman's outfit and find a place to hide you.
Oh, they will tear the place apart, Colonel.
It's about time.
We could use a few new buildings.
Colonel Hogan, I am willing to place myself in your hands.
What are your orders? All right, first put on a coat, then light yourself a cigar.
Take a nice after- dinner stroll across the compound.
When you come to Barracks Two, walk right in.
Understood? Understood.
Now, if a crap game's going on, don't get involved.
Those guys are killers.
And give me a few minutes head start.
Then I'll meet you there.
I'll be back I hope.
Section nine, bitte.
Ja.
I wish to speak with Reichsfuhrer Himmler.
Himmler in person? Klink, you are mumbling again.
Hello.
Major Hochstetter here.
Guten Abend, Herr Reichsfuhrer.
Heil Hitler.
I am at Stalag 13 as ordered.
Ja.
He is here.
Must I talk to him? Richter, not you.
Herr Reichsfuhrer? He arrived unexpectedly with one of his secretaries.
Nein.
Nein, Herr Reichsfuhrer.
The commandant of the stalag reports nothing unusual.
Ja.
Ja.
And call you personally.
I understand.
Heil Hitler.
My orders are to arrest your dear friend, Field Marshall Rudolf Richter.
Uh, my dear friend? ( chuckling ): Oh, I never saw this man before in my life.
I have no dear friend.
I can believe that.
I expect your full cooperation, Klink.
Of course, Major.
My stalag is your stalag.
Aah! HOGAN: Field Marshall Rudolf Richter.
Gentlemen.
NEWKIRK: How do you do? Very nice to know you, Field Marshal.
Uh, danke.
You know, I'd like to welcome you aboard, and-and let me just say on behalf of Uh, Carter Well, I never met one before, sir.
Be something to talk about after the war.
He's a real governor, you know.
A bit more than just your basic Kraut general.
Let's get away from the door, huh? Newkirk, Kinch? Right.
We need a GI uniform for the Field Marshal.
Okay, sir.
Then we're going to have to hide him, and I mean really hide him.
How about the emergency tunnel, sir? It's no good.
Hochstetter's going to take this camp apart, and he's just liable to find our tunnel system and Richter.
System? You mean you have more than one tunnel? Oh, heck, I've seen groundhogs down there that were lost.
You get back at the door.
Where do we stash him, Colonel? Anybody in the cooler? No.
Jacobs just finished a week.
It's empty.
All right, Newkirk, take him in through the tunnel.
One moment, bitte.
Uh, me in jail? I thought you might like to see the place you and Hitler have sent so many people.
This way, sir.
Where is Field Marshall Richter? He went out for a walk.
How long ago? About 15, Said he would be right back.
Anything wrong? Reichsfuhrer Himmler has ordered me to arrest him.
What? The Field Marshall? Why not? Everybody else in Germany has been arrested.
Don't worry.
We'll get him.
I know exactly what that the Major will always get his man.
The Gestapo will search this camp.
It will be surrounded with a ring of steel.
Major, there's nothing to worry about.
There has never been an escape from Stalag 13.
It is the safest Please don't start that again.
Here you are, Field Marshal.
One of our better rooms.
Now, breakfast is at 7:00, but room service is closed for the night, I'm afraid.
Amazing.
Danke.
Right, sir.
Now remember, no noise.
Stay quiet, and you'll stay alive.
Cheero.
They've got to believe he's gone before we start him off to England.
According to Klink, there's never been a successful escape from Stalag 13.
Not escape.
Dead.
Otherwise the Gestapo won't leave until they find him.
No, you are right, Colonel.
They'll never give up.
All right, now, I've come up with a plan that's gonna take time and we'll have to move fast-- Carter? We'll need enough dynamite to blow up Richter's car.
Right, Colonel.
It's got to be in a package with a detonator timed for 15 minutes and small enough to fit in the trunk of the car.
Can you do it? Sure thing.
Good.
Newkirk, you're going to be our diversion.
You'll need a guard's uniform and a pair of wire cutters.
What, go out of here and cut that bleeding wire? They won't shoot one of their own men.
You know that, sir, I know that, but has anyone told them? Search everywhere.
Schnell.
( glass shattering ) Heil! Hitler.
( ticking ) HOGAN: All right, everybody set? Right, Colonel.
Carter, did you set the timer for 15 minutes? All done.
Good.
Newkirk? Yes, sir.
Start cutting the wire in about ten minutes.
Pick a spot as far away from the gate as possible.
Right, sir.
Okay, gentlemen.
Good luck.
Thank you.
Who gave you these orders? The Commandant.
Who else would give them? He told us to turn Richter's car around so it faces the gate.
Why didn't he give me the orders? Now, how can you guard the car and drive it at the same time? How could I? Wait.
I have to think about it for a minute.
SCHULTZ: Aha.
Wait a moment.
Why wouldn't he ask one of the other guards to turn the car around? Because they're all out searching for Richter.
That's why.
Yeah? Come on fellows, get on with it.
I'll take responsibility, Schultz.
Uh, Colonel Hogan Just a minute, Schultz.
Now, wait a minute, Colonel Hogan.
I can't let you It'll take just a second.
Please.
Now, turn it around, Kinch.
Then get back to the barracks.
Colonel Hogan, please! Now, look, Schultz, you've got to learn to be forceful.
Make decisions in an emergency.
Achtung! Achtung! Sound the alarm! Sound the alarm.
The wire's been cut.
I did it, Major.
I mean, found it myself.
( alarm sounds ) NEWKIRK: Achtung.
Schnell! ( dogs barking ) NEWKIRK: Schnell! Herr Herr Kommandant.
Herr Kommandant? Major Hochstetter? SCHULTZ: It is Field Marshal Richter.
He's trying to escape.
Schultz! No, wait! I want him alive.
I will shoot the tires.
( explosion ) ( fire crackling ) Great shooting, Major.
You hit the gasoline tank, not the tires.
Himmler wanted him alive.
What will I do? Practice your marksmanship as soon as you get to the Russian Front.
Rise and shine, mate.
Hmm? Time to go.
You're on your way to England.
Is it safe now? Couldn't be safer.
Oh.
You're dead.
I have failed.
My orders were to bring Richter back alive.
Imagine what Himmler will say when he returns your call.
Himmler may execute him on the telephone.
A brilliant career ended.
To think I joined Nazi party in 1931.
Now it's all over.
Next time join the Elks instead.
Don't cry on my desk! You'll wet my blotter! ( telephone rings ) Colonel Klink speaking.
Heil Hitler.
Oh.
Yes, your Reichsfuhrer.
Oh, yes, sir.
He's right here.
Major Hochstetter here.
Heil Hitler.
Ja.
Herr Reichsfuhrer, I beg to report an accident.
He was trying to escape in his car.
I shot at the tires and hit the petrol tank.
Ja.
Completely destroyed by fire.
Ja, Herr Reichsfuhrer.
Ja? Ja?! Ja, sir Danke, Herr Reichsfuhrer.
You are very kind.
Heil Hitler.
He called it a brilliantly staged accident.
I solved the problem.
There is a good chance I will decorated and promoted, Herr Kommandant! ( clicks heels ) Well, now it's your turn to have a good cry.
Go ahead, sir.
You'll feel better.
*
Rudolf Richter wants to defect.
Come on, Gretchen.
Field Marshal Richter? He has asked to be taken to England.
Hopes to negotiate a separate peace.
I got a picture of Churchill and Roosevelt going for that.
Colonel, you have an escape organization.
Your men are experienced.
The orders are that They want us to get him out? Look, the operation is planned for next Thursday.
The Field Marshal will be on an inspection tour.
I am to join him as his secretary, bring him to Stalag 13, then you take over.
That's great.
Who arranges the firing squad for us? I told you how important this is.
London has approved the plan.
He isn't happy just defecting? He has to stop off long enough to get all of us killed? You have helped so many people.
The first rule in the escape business is don't attract attention.
Richter's been on every poster, in newsreels, even on postcards since 1937.
Some kind of disguise would be the best Tell London we don't have a plastic surgeon at Stalag 13.
Now, it's out.
Just can't be done.
We can't handle it.
Just can't be done, that's all.
We'll do it, we'll do it.
The patrol is watching us.
See? Trouble already.
( sighs ) They're gone.
Colonel, what are you doing? In case they come back.
Field Marshal General Richter? His gold braid and his orchestra.
He's one of Hitler's closest friends.
They were schoolchildren together.
Blimey.
Hitler should have knocked him off during recess.
And they expect us to put him on the escape route, Colonel? That's it, he arrives Thursday.
Have Kinch contact a sub.
Tell them to stand by for a very important package.
Will do.
But everybody knows what he looks like.
I've already gone through that.
We just have to take extra precautions.
Maybe give him an escort.
Bloody charming.
I was thinking of you, Newkirk.
Double bloody charming sir.
Hey, Colonel, on the double! Yes, sir.
Boy, have we got company.
HOGAN: It's Richter.
NEWKIRK: You said he was due Thursday.
LeBEAU: This is not Thursday.
And the welcome wagon isn't even ready yet.
I hate a war where people drop in unexpectedly.
Oh, such a great honor.
Such a great honor.
A chair for the lady.
Uh, please be seated.
Don't sit there like a Schultz! Get a chair! SCHULTZ: Jawohl, Herr Kommandant, at once! Herr Field Marshal, we have had many high officials here-- Lieutenant Generals, full Generals.
Oh And once we even had a very peculiar Major General.
Schultz! But never a field marshal.
Oh, we are overwhelmed.
Simply overwhelmed.
Ja, ja, of course.
Even though we've never had an escape from Stalag 13.
I mean, we are a humble stalag, in fact, the humblest of them all.
( chuckling ): We never blow our own horn.
So I hear.
Ah-ah! To our fearless leader, your dear friend the Führer.
Ja.
To the Führer.
And, uh, may I ask to what we owe the pleasure of this visit, Herr Field Marshal? The Führer asked me to make an informal, unofficial inspection of our military establishments in this area.
It is fantastic the way you big men do things.
Mmm.
I decided to travel with just my secretary, Fräulein Clemens.
Herr Field Marshal is traveling incognito, more or less.
( laughing ): That's not easy.
I think that I would know Field Marshal Rudolf Richter anywhere.
Uh, wouldn't you, Schultz? The Field Marshal looks exactly like my wife's nephew.
( knock at door ) Uh.
Schultz, the door.
Jawohl, Herr Kommandant.
I'd like to see the Commandant, Schultz.
Tell him I'm not in.
SCHULTZ: Colonel Hogan, I'm awfully sorry, but the commandant is not in.
I can see him.
So can I, but he is not in.
Who is this man? It's Colonel Hogan, the senior prisoner of war officer.
Well, ask him to come in.
Schultz, don't tell a man I'm not here when I'm here.
( chuckling ) It is so difficult to get good sergeants these days, Herr Field Marshal.
Oh, may I present Colonel Hogan? This is Field Marshal Rudolf Richter and his secretary, Fräulein Clemens.
Fräulein.
Colonel Hogan.
Got yourself a big one.
So this is the enemy.
So they say.
What is it you wanted, Hogan? Well, I saw the Field Marshal arrive and thought you might be able to use the services of our chef, Corporal LeBeau.
That's very kind of you.
I accept your offer, and I will arrange an expression of, uh, appreciation for this later.
Oh, boy, will that cost.
Excuse me, Herr Field Marshal, but you, you seem so interested.
Perhaps you would care to talk with this officer? Would you like to have dinner with us tonight? Uh, of course, with Colonel Klink's permission.
Oh, it's, uh, hardly necessary for the Field Marshal to ask.
My stalag is your stalag, Herr Field Marshal.
Danke.
And, uh, to commemorate this visit, I, uh, may even call Berlin and ask them to change our name to the, uh, Rudolf Richter Stalag, huh? That's a good idea, Commandant, but a little expensive.
Expensive? You'd have to have all new stationery printed.
( chuckling uneasily ) Mmm, danke.
You are the first American officer I have ever met.
Very interesting.
I would like to meet more of you.
Oh, you will.
General Eisenhower is arranging it right now.
( chuckling ): That's very good.
Hogan is very amusing.
( chuckles ) More wine.
More wine! More wine quietly.
( sotto voce ): More wine.
My compliments.
Excellent.
The dinner is perfect.
Merci, Monsieur Field Marshal.
You see how it works, the camp guards steal from our Red Cross packages.
Really? I assure you, Herr Field Marshal And then we steal back from them.
It's a good arrangement; keeps everybody busy.
Ah-- Major Hochstetter! Heil Hitler.
Heil Hitler.
Well, forgive the intrusion, Herr Field Marshal.
I had no idea you were here.
Oh, you know the Field Marshal, Major Hochstetter? Oh, ja, I've had the pleasure.
And Fräulein Clemens, his secretary? Major.
This is an unexpected pleasure having the Gestapo with us, Major.
Official business? We like to keep an eye on the various stalags and their officers.
Especially Colonel Klink.
He's so jealous of your popularity, sir.
Hogan My superiors in Berlin feel that there are two dangers to the Third Reich: the Allies and Colonel Klink.
I don't find that very amusing, Major.
If you don't, I don't.
There has been more unexplained sabotage around Stalag 13 than any other place in Germany.
Who told you to start a war? There is a great lack of vigilance and security here.
I resent that.
I work very hard.
If you were a civilian, you would pay money for a rest cure like this.
I happen to be familiar with Colonel Klink's service record.
Ah, then you can only agree with me, ja? Quite the opposite.
He stands very high in Berlin.
He's a good administrator, efficient, loyal officer, and dedicated to the Führer.
I think you ought to pick up the dinner check, sir.
And I find it highly improper of you to talk about him the way you do.
I suggest you stop it.
Jawohl, Herr Field Marshal.
I, uh, wonder if I could see you privately for a moment? Major, anything you have to say to me, you can say in front of my friend, the Field Marshal.
This would be better discussed in the privacy of your office.
There has been an escape from Stalag Four.
I need your expert assistance.
Oh.
All right.
( chuckling ): When the chips are down, they always ask for the men of experience.
With your kind permission, sir.
Carry on.
We wanted to talk to you, Colonel Hogan.
And I want Schultz, don't you think you ought to get over to the office? The Commandant may need you.
Colonel Hogan, there are two prisoners here, you and the little cockroach-- I mean Corporal LeBeau-- and someone has to be here to guard you.
I will take over your duty, Sergeant.
You Herr Field Marshal? Ja, they wouldn't try to escape from me.
And Colonel Hogan is right.
The commandant may need you.
Thank you, Herr Field Marshal.
You really do look like my wife's nephew.
LeBeau, front and center.
This is the last bottle of wine, Colonel.
Never mind that-- get outside.
Try to keep the guard busy.
If Klink comes back, try to give us a warning.
Oui, Colonel.
All right, let's make it fast.
Now, we expected you Thursday.
What's the idea? We had no choice.
The Gestapo was watching me.
I had information, they were closing in.
It was now or possibly never.
So, Hochstetter's here tailing you.
Exactly.
It's brilliant.
No wonder you're a field marshal.
The Gestapo's on your tail, so you lead them right to your jumping-off spot for the escape.
Well, what was I to do? Where could I have gone? Anyplace but here.
Even to Berchtesgaden to see your pal.
Now, Major, just give me the facts and I'll solve your little problem.
Klink! Just be brief.
The bare essentials-- that's all I need.
I don't want to keep Field Marshal Richter waiting any longer than necessary.
I will keep you waiting at the Russian Front, you bubble-headed nobody! I'll tell Richter what you said-- every word.
Just answer my questions.
Did Richter make any advance arrangements to come here? No.
It was unexpected.
He just showed up at the gate with his secretary.
So, hmm? Why is Hogan having dinner with you? Major, what is this all about? Richter requested that Hogan dine with us.
He'd never met an enemy officer.
And what about that escape from Stalag Four you mentioned? There was no escape, Dummkopf! That was an excuse to get you out of there! Oh.
( knock at door ) Come in, come in, come in.
Excuse me, Herr Kommandant, but I want you to know I'm here in case you need me.
I need you; come in.
We don't need you; stay out.
Stay out.
Major, what's happening? You're being very mysterious.
Field Marshal General Rudolf Richter is suspected of treason.
( gasping ): What? The Gestapo has had him under surveillance for weeks-- orders from Himmler and the Führer.
I could return to Berlin and wait for a better opportunity to escape.
It's possible Hochstetter came here only to let the Field Marshal know he's under observation.
She's right, he may leave.
You're both in dreamland-- forget it.
Hochstetter wouldn't be here without orders, and it's a cinch they don't add up to a ripe old age for you, Richter.
What can we do? I'm trapped.
We got to make our move before he makes his.
Richter, you're going to disappear.
Now you see him, now you don't.
Disappear? First thing we got to do is get you out of that doorman's outfit and find a place to hide you.
Oh, they will tear the place apart, Colonel.
It's about time.
We could use a few new buildings.
Colonel Hogan, I am willing to place myself in your hands.
What are your orders? All right, first put on a coat, then light yourself a cigar.
Take a nice after- dinner stroll across the compound.
When you come to Barracks Two, walk right in.
Understood? Understood.
Now, if a crap game's going on, don't get involved.
Those guys are killers.
And give me a few minutes head start.
Then I'll meet you there.
I'll be back I hope.
Section nine, bitte.
Ja.
I wish to speak with Reichsfuhrer Himmler.
Himmler in person? Klink, you are mumbling again.
Hello.
Major Hochstetter here.
Guten Abend, Herr Reichsfuhrer.
Heil Hitler.
I am at Stalag 13 as ordered.
Ja.
He is here.
Must I talk to him? Richter, not you.
Herr Reichsfuhrer? He arrived unexpectedly with one of his secretaries.
Nein.
Nein, Herr Reichsfuhrer.
The commandant of the stalag reports nothing unusual.
Ja.
Ja.
And call you personally.
I understand.
Heil Hitler.
My orders are to arrest your dear friend, Field Marshall Rudolf Richter.
Uh, my dear friend? ( chuckling ): Oh, I never saw this man before in my life.
I have no dear friend.
I can believe that.
I expect your full cooperation, Klink.
Of course, Major.
My stalag is your stalag.
Aah! HOGAN: Field Marshall Rudolf Richter.
Gentlemen.
NEWKIRK: How do you do? Very nice to know you, Field Marshal.
Uh, danke.
You know, I'd like to welcome you aboard, and-and let me just say on behalf of Uh, Carter Well, I never met one before, sir.
Be something to talk about after the war.
He's a real governor, you know.
A bit more than just your basic Kraut general.
Let's get away from the door, huh? Newkirk, Kinch? Right.
We need a GI uniform for the Field Marshal.
Okay, sir.
Then we're going to have to hide him, and I mean really hide him.
How about the emergency tunnel, sir? It's no good.
Hochstetter's going to take this camp apart, and he's just liable to find our tunnel system and Richter.
System? You mean you have more than one tunnel? Oh, heck, I've seen groundhogs down there that were lost.
You get back at the door.
Where do we stash him, Colonel? Anybody in the cooler? No.
Jacobs just finished a week.
It's empty.
All right, Newkirk, take him in through the tunnel.
One moment, bitte.
Uh, me in jail? I thought you might like to see the place you and Hitler have sent so many people.
This way, sir.
Where is Field Marshall Richter? He went out for a walk.
How long ago? About 15, Said he would be right back.
Anything wrong? Reichsfuhrer Himmler has ordered me to arrest him.
What? The Field Marshall? Why not? Everybody else in Germany has been arrested.
Don't worry.
We'll get him.
I know exactly what that the Major will always get his man.
The Gestapo will search this camp.
It will be surrounded with a ring of steel.
Major, there's nothing to worry about.
There has never been an escape from Stalag 13.
It is the safest Please don't start that again.
Here you are, Field Marshal.
One of our better rooms.
Now, breakfast is at 7:00, but room service is closed for the night, I'm afraid.
Amazing.
Danke.
Right, sir.
Now remember, no noise.
Stay quiet, and you'll stay alive.
Cheero.
They've got to believe he's gone before we start him off to England.
According to Klink, there's never been a successful escape from Stalag 13.
Not escape.
Dead.
Otherwise the Gestapo won't leave until they find him.
No, you are right, Colonel.
They'll never give up.
All right, now, I've come up with a plan that's gonna take time and we'll have to move fast-- Carter? We'll need enough dynamite to blow up Richter's car.
Right, Colonel.
It's got to be in a package with a detonator timed for 15 minutes and small enough to fit in the trunk of the car.
Can you do it? Sure thing.
Good.
Newkirk, you're going to be our diversion.
You'll need a guard's uniform and a pair of wire cutters.
What, go out of here and cut that bleeding wire? They won't shoot one of their own men.
You know that, sir, I know that, but has anyone told them? Search everywhere.
Schnell.
( glass shattering ) Heil! Hitler.
( ticking ) HOGAN: All right, everybody set? Right, Colonel.
Carter, did you set the timer for 15 minutes? All done.
Good.
Newkirk? Yes, sir.
Start cutting the wire in about ten minutes.
Pick a spot as far away from the gate as possible.
Right, sir.
Okay, gentlemen.
Good luck.
Thank you.
Who gave you these orders? The Commandant.
Who else would give them? He told us to turn Richter's car around so it faces the gate.
Why didn't he give me the orders? Now, how can you guard the car and drive it at the same time? How could I? Wait.
I have to think about it for a minute.
SCHULTZ: Aha.
Wait a moment.
Why wouldn't he ask one of the other guards to turn the car around? Because they're all out searching for Richter.
That's why.
Yeah? Come on fellows, get on with it.
I'll take responsibility, Schultz.
Uh, Colonel Hogan Just a minute, Schultz.
Now, wait a minute, Colonel Hogan.
I can't let you It'll take just a second.
Please.
Now, turn it around, Kinch.
Then get back to the barracks.
Colonel Hogan, please! Now, look, Schultz, you've got to learn to be forceful.
Make decisions in an emergency.
Achtung! Achtung! Sound the alarm! Sound the alarm.
The wire's been cut.
I did it, Major.
I mean, found it myself.
( alarm sounds ) NEWKIRK: Achtung.
Schnell! ( dogs barking ) NEWKIRK: Schnell! Herr Herr Kommandant.
Herr Kommandant? Major Hochstetter? SCHULTZ: It is Field Marshal Richter.
He's trying to escape.
Schultz! No, wait! I want him alive.
I will shoot the tires.
( explosion ) ( fire crackling ) Great shooting, Major.
You hit the gasoline tank, not the tires.
Himmler wanted him alive.
What will I do? Practice your marksmanship as soon as you get to the Russian Front.
Rise and shine, mate.
Hmm? Time to go.
You're on your way to England.
Is it safe now? Couldn't be safer.
Oh.
You're dead.
I have failed.
My orders were to bring Richter back alive.
Imagine what Himmler will say when he returns your call.
Himmler may execute him on the telephone.
A brilliant career ended.
To think I joined Nazi party in 1931.
Now it's all over.
Next time join the Elks instead.
Don't cry on my desk! You'll wet my blotter! ( telephone rings ) Colonel Klink speaking.
Heil Hitler.
Oh.
Yes, your Reichsfuhrer.
Oh, yes, sir.
He's right here.
Major Hochstetter here.
Heil Hitler.
Ja.
Herr Reichsfuhrer, I beg to report an accident.
He was trying to escape in his car.
I shot at the tires and hit the petrol tank.
Ja.
Completely destroyed by fire.
Ja, Herr Reichsfuhrer.
Ja? Ja?! Ja, sir Danke, Herr Reichsfuhrer.
You are very kind.
Heil Hitler.
He called it a brilliantly staged accident.
I solved the problem.
There is a good chance I will decorated and promoted, Herr Kommandant! ( clicks heels ) Well, now it's your turn to have a good cry.
Go ahead, sir.
You'll feel better.
*