Lip Sync Battle (2015) s05e10 Episode Script
Matt Iseman vs. Akbar Gbaja-Biamila
1 - Hit it! - (FUNKY MUSIC PLAYING) It takes two to make a thing go right - Hit it! - I wanna rock right now I'm not internationally known But I'm known to rock a microphone Because I get stupid, I mean outrageous Stay away from me if you're contagious Like one, two, three, get loose now - It takes two - Hit it! (CROWD CHEERING) Are you ready, Lip Sync nation? - (CHEERS AND APPLAUSE) - Oh, I hear ya.
I'm so happy, 'cause we have two handsome, funny men, and that's my favorite thing.
Also my favorite thing? The head of the Battle household.
It's your host.
It's LL Cool J! ("HEADSPRUNG" BY LL COOL J PLAYS) They call me Big L'y Big Silly Big Money - Big Billy - Hands up! Hands up! When I'm slidin' in them all, can ya hear me Hands up! Let me hear you say "Hell, yeah!" CROWD: Hell, yeah! - LL: Now, scream! - (CHEERS AND APPLAUSE) She's outgoing.
She's free-throwing.
She's all-knowing.
She is Chrissy Teigen.
- Oh, really! - (CHEERS AND APPLAUSE) Hello! All-knowing! - How you feelin'? - I feel really good.
- How do you feel? - I feel good.
- How do you guys feel? - (CHEERS AND APPLAUSE) Ready to have some fun? (CHEERS AND APPLAUSE) - LL: Let's get it! - (DRAMATIC MUSIC PLAYS) Oh, man.
He's a former NFL linebacker.
An analyst for the NFL network, and is the co-host of American Ninja Warrior.
Make some noise for Akbar Gbaja-Biamila.
(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE) And he is a comedian and an actor, co-host of American Ninja Warrior.
Give it up for Matt Iseman! (CHEERS AND APPLAUSE) (MOUTHING) CHRISSY: Oh! Already! It's We just started.
I'm gonna be invisible in this shadow.
It's like the moon eclipsing me over here.
That's all 6'6", 260 pounds - hovering over you right now.
- Yeah, I can smell it.
There are three hunky men on this stage.
I got It's my night, finally! - Finally! - (CHEERS AND APPLAUSE) All right, so, Akbar, you're gonna go first.
Matt, have a seat in the VIP.
- Akbar, come on over here.
- (CHEERS AND APPLAUSE) Come on over, baby.
All right, what song are you gonna tap in first tonight? You know what? I made a lot of mistakes.
Um, but you know, I know one thing.
I know forgiveness.
And I know how to get that forgiveness, too.
Sometimes you just gotta get on your knees and ask for it.
- (CHEERS AND APPLAUSE) - LL: Absolutely! And now, Akbar! (CHEERS AND APPLAUSE) ("DOWN ON BENDED KNEE" BY BOYZ II MEN PLAYS) Oh! Darling, I I can't explain Where did we lose our way Oh, it sounds so good! Well, it's driving me insane If you come back to me I'll guarantee I'm begging you, begging you Come back to me Can we go back to the days Our love was strong Can't somebody tell me how You get things back the way they used to be Baby, I'm sorry.
Please forgive me for all the wrong I've done.
Please forgive me Please come back home, girl.
I know you put all your trust in me.
- I'm down on bended, down on bended - Knee Can we go back to the days Our love was strong Raise a family! Can't somebody tell me how To get things back the way they used to Oh God, give me a reason I'm down on bended knee (CHEERS AND APPLAUSE) LL: You all right, man? AKBAR: I'm good, I'm good.
I'm good.
I'm all I'm all better now.
Yeah, you don't have to even do the whole song.
- I forgave you really early.
- AKBAR: Thank you.
- Thank you.
- You forgave him? - Yeah.
- I have to show the suave side.
I was trying to get my my inner LL Cool J in there.
Oh, is that what you were looking for? - CHRISSY: Yes! - That that was the Ak-Cool J.
The Ak-Cool J.
Yeah! So, come on, Matt.
Talk to me.
MATT: LL, I gotta be honest.
My man, you committed out there.
And that performance is one I would listen to in bed when I wanna go to sleep.
- CHRISSY: Oh! - (CROWD GROANING) LL: You know, fellas? I'm gonna let you guys discuss that in the VIP.
Akbar, you can head on over to the VIP.
- Love you, baby.
- (CHEERS AND APPLAUSE) Now, come on over here, come on over here.
- It's your turn to burn, baby.
- I love this episode.
- This is good.
- LL: So, Matt that was pretty good actually, you know? You know what? I gotta give my man credit.
He committed.
He really did.
And he had Chrissy in his arms, which sucks, 'cause now, I ain't got a shot with her.
It's okay, you can try it too! I ain't sexual chocolate like my man over there.
I know that! No, you're giving the the Vanilla Thrilla! I'm the Vanilla Thriller! - It's all good.
- Hey, it's short, but it's exciting, all right? (CHEERS AND APPLAUSE) I just love this is the one show John hasn't come to.
And he's gonna be he's gonna be sad.
When you see my performance, you'll realize there's still a legend in the house.
- Oh! - (CHEERS AND APPLAUSE) Was that pretty good? Was that pretty good? Absolutely.
It was amazing.
It was amazing.
I can't even front.
(LAUGHTER) - Give it up for Matt Iseman! - (CHEERS AND APPLAUSE) He looks like Obi-Wan Kenobi! ("I WOULD DO ANYTHING FOR LOVE, BU I WON'T DO THAT" BY MEATLOAF PLAYS) And I would do anything for love But I won't do that No, I won't do that (MUSIC INTENSIFIES) And some days, I pray for silence - (LAUGHING) - And some days I pray for soul Some days I just pray to the god Of sex and drums and rock 'n' roll And maybe, I'm lonely That's all I'm qualified to be There's just one and only one And only promise I can keep Don't don't uh-uh! As long as the wheels are turning As long as the fires are burning As long as your prayers are coming true You'd better believe it That I would do anything for love And you know it's true and that's a fact I would do anything for love Though I won't do that Anything for love But I won't do that - (LAUGHING) - (CHEERS AND APPLAUSE) LL: Make some noise! (CHEERS AND APPLAUSE) Oh my God! You all right? Those have to be some of the strongest jeans - that I've ever seen in my entire life.
- (LAUGHTER) LL: Yo, Matt, you're going for it tonight.
This has been a highlight already, and one of the great things? My parents are in the crowd, and I know they're proud of that.
- (CHEERS AND APPLAUSE) - Where are they? - Mom and Dad in the room? - MATT: Mom and Dad! I tell ya, the thing my parents always told me, is "Life is short, do what you love.
" - CHRISSY: Yes! - And being out here performing? That's what I love! - (CHEERS AND APPLAUSE) - So, Akbar? Akbar? What do you think of his style choice? Uh, well, I can tell you one thing.
You got a lot of hair on your chest.
- That's for sure.
- (LAUGHTER) I don't know where you got that What is that, linen? Crushed linen? Crushed linen.
- Crushed linen, okay.
- (LAUGHTER) Amazing, amazing.
Great job, great job.
Matt, you can go on over to the VIP.
(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE) So the hosts of American Ninja Warrior are in the building.
And by the look of it, they'll do anything to win that belt.
There's no such thing as partners tonight.
This battle looks for real, baby.
I love it when the boys get down and dirty.
I can't wait to see what they've got planned next.
I know you can't either.
Come on back for more! - It's Lip Sync Battle.
- Lip Sync Battle, baby.
- Yeah! - (CHEERS AND APPLAUSE) It takes two to make a thing go right Lip Sync Battle is back at it.
Akbar is ready to go for broke and show the world what he's got.
Does he have the right stuff to get the job done? Let's find out.
AKBAR: I'm stronger, I'm faster.
I'm more handsome.
I have everything on Matt.
(ALL CHEERING) Yes! AKBAR: This reminds me a lot of the NFL.
The pre-game warm-up.
Which is really the rehearsal.
Oh my God.
- I can get down, but I might not be able to get up.
- (LAUGHTER) Yeah, yeah.
I might stumble on the words, but guess what? I'm the master of free-styling.
BOTH: Let's go! Okay! Okay! DANIELLE: Hey! Hey! - Hey! - (CHEERING) Nice! Matt Iseman.
Listen to his name! How regular is that? Excuse me.
You talkin' trash about me? AKBAR: Matt and I are going head to head.
Matt, you're not a quarterback, but you're going down.
- Don't be making faces now! - No, no, no! You bring your NFL skills.
I wanna see his little sack dance! AKBAR: Matt, there's no way you're gonna beat me.
This is a real battle.
It's the big time, prime time, showtime, all-time.
Game time.
(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE) Bust it ("BUST A MOVE" BY YOUNG MC PLAYS) (LAUGHING) This here's a tale for all the fellas Tryin' to do what those ladies tell us Get shot down 'cause ya over-zealous Play hard to get females get jealous Okay smarty go to a party Girls are scantily clad and showin' body A chick walks by you wish you could sex her But you're standing on the wall like you was Poindexter Next day's function high-class luncheon Food is served and you're stone-cold munchin' Music comes on people start to dance But then you ate so much you nearly split your pants - A girl starts walking guys start gawking - (CHRISSY LAUGHS) Sits down next to you and starts talking Says she wants to dance 'cause she likes to groove So come on fatso and just bust a move (CHEERS AND APPLAUSE) LL: Hands up! You're on a mission and you're wishin' Someone could cure your lonely condition Lookin' for love in all the wrong places No fine girls just ugly faces From frustration first inclination Is to become a monk and leave the situation But every dark tunnel has a light of hope So don't hang yourself with a celibate rope Your movie's showin', so you're goin' Could care less about the five you're blowin' Theater gets dark just to start the show - Oh, no! Oh, no! - Then ya spot a fine woman sittin' in your row She's dressed in yellow, she says "Hello, Come sit next to me you fine fellow" You run over there without a second to lose And what comes next hey, bust a move You want it You got it You want it Yeah, yeah Just bust a move (CHEERS AND APPLAUSE) (SCREAMS) Yeah, boy! Yeah, boy! Hey! I know your mom's here, but word to yo motha! (CROWD GROANS) Man, I gotta say, I always wondered what you looked like with hair.
Turns out it's Urkel on steroids.
(LAUGHTER) The fact that your pants are split.
Hey, you know, when I did - Your cakes! - (CROWD CHEERS) LL: Now, don't do that! Now, don't do that.
That's - AKBAR: Yeah, yeah, yeah.
- LL: So, Matt! Talk to me, baby.
- You saw what happened.
- MATT: Listen.
I'd love to talk trash, but the black Bob Ross just busted a move out there.
- CHRISSY: Oh! - That was I gotta give you credit, Akbar! You move well for a big man.
That was good! There it is.
Akbar, you head on over to the VIP.
- (CHEERS AND APPLAUSE) - Without a doubt.
CHRISSY: They're brash, they're big, they're bold, and amazingly, light on their feet.
Who knew? This battle's delivering goods and then some.
Absolutely, and the laughs continue when we come back.
It's nothing but a party tonight, and y'all are invited.
Come on back.
It's more Lip Sync Battle, baby.
Let's do it! You want it, you got - Yeah! - (CHEERS AND APPLAUSE) It takes two to make a thing Welcome back to LSB! It's a ferocious battle between the hosts of American Ninja Warrior.
Matt's next up to bat.
But before he can go on to the stage, let's see if he's got the right stuff to hit this performance out of the park, baby.
MATT: It's time for rehearsal.
Daddy's coming in hot.
(CHEERING) ALL: Go, Matthew, go, Matthew, go! Go, Matt! (CHEERING) All right, let's do it! Whoo! That was good! Yes! That pose is everything! MATT: I'm a little concerned about the choreography.
The last time I danced was prom in the '80s.
- Oh, (BLEEP).
- (DANIELLE LAUGHS) (GASPING) Are we at altitude? I am out of breath already.
This is pathetic.
Oh my God! We're here at the Lip Sync Battle.
Akbar's younger, he's in much better shape.
That's dangerous.
What I do have though? Is no shame.
Zero shame.
What's up? You got this! High heels! Bring this, Akbar.
Who's a ninja now, motha-(SQUEALS)? - You're going down.
- We're doing battle.
- You ready? - I'm ready! - I'm ready.
- Are you ready? I promise you, I'm ready.
There's only one thing I do know.
Akbar (CHEERS AND APPLAUSE) ("DO YOU BELIEVE IN LIFE AFTER LOVE" BY CHER PLAYS) ("AFTER LOVE" ECHOING) No matter how hard I try You keep pushing me aside And I can't break through There's no talking to you It's so sad that you're leaving (LAUGHING) It takes time to believe it But after all is said and done You're gonna be the lonely one, oh Oh! Do you believe in life after love - I can feel something inside me say - His parents.
I really don't think you're strong enough No Well I know that I'll get through this I don't need you anymore No, I don't need you anymore Do you believe in life after love ("AFTER LOVE" ECHOING) I can feel something inside me say I really don't think you're strong enough No Do you believe in life after love ("AFTER LOVE" ECHOING) I can feel something inside me say I really don't think you're strong enough No (CHEERS AND APPLAUSE) AKBAR: Oh, wow.
Okay, okay.
Okay.
(CHEERS CONTINUE) Mom! You got a standing ovation from your parents.
- LL: Wow.
- Was that a standing ovation or were they in shock? LL: Doctor and Mrs.
Iseman are in the house.
Just give us a nod of approval if you're okay with the yeah.
Just give us a nod.
Thumbs up, okay! All right, we get it.
Shout out to our costume department.
I don't know how this happened.
This is so freeing.
This really is.
This I think I'm starting a trend here.
I'm 6'4 ", 6'9" with the heels now.
- (LAUGHTER) - A diva doesn't go anywhere without her heels.
So, Akbar have you ever seen your partner quite like this? In this You know what? I never wanna see him like this ever again, but I do have to say, you went all out on this one.
- My goodness! - (CHEERS AND APPLAUSE) That was serious, Matt.
You can head on over to the VIP.
- Thank you.
- (CHEERS AND APPLAUSE) So, this has been a show where two guys, who are no stranger to competition, brought out the best in one another, and we reap the benefits.
Now, when we come back, it gets real, as the audience decides who gets to take this belt off Chrissy's hands.
It's sturdy, it's blingy, but it's a bitch to accessorize.
And I'll belong to one of these lucky guys when we come back! You gotta see this.
Get ready.
- It's Lip Sync Battle.
- Lip Sync Battle, baby! That's right! Do you believe in life after love ("AFTER LOVE" ECHOING) - Yeah! - (CHEERS AND APPLAUSE) It takes two to make a thing go right Welcome back to Lip Sync Battle, now tonight, we had a whole lot of laughs, and it's thanks to these two amazing dudes.
Give 'em a round of applause one more time.
- They were game competitors.
- (CHEERS AND APPLAUSE) Ladies and gentlemen, is the Lip Sync Battle champ tonight Matt Iseman? (WILD CHEERS AND APPLAUSE) Or is the Lip Sync Battle champ - Akbar? - (CHEERS AND APPLAUSE) (MATT SPEAKING INDISTINCTLY) And the Lip Sync Battle champ is - Matt Iseman! - (CHEERS AND APPLAUSE) (INDISTINCT) Oh! Oh! Is that heavy? Oh, that's the real deal! (IMITATING EDDIE MURPHY) What is it? Velvet? - (LAUGHTER) - (CHEERS AND APPLAUSE) I don't know why, but it's like he transformed into Gene Simmons just now.
- (LAUGHTER) - I don't know what happened.
It just You are the winner.
You're the Lip Sync Battle champion today.
So, tell us what it feels like, man.
You did a great job.
I gotta say, it's such an honor to perform in front of you, and Chrissy, and this phenomenal audience.
(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE) But it feels best of all doing it in a thong and high heels in front of my parents! - I love you, Mom and Dad! - (CHEERS AND APPLAUSE) You made me this way! LL: What did you think of his performance? The rocked 'em both.
The thing I know about Akbar is he always brings his "A" game.
That was the only reason I did this, is 'cause the only chance I had to outdo that man, was to go full (IMITATES CHER) diva.
(LAUGHTER) AKBAR: I gotta give him credit though.
If you can perform like that in heels, y-you're alright with me.
You're alright with me.
- (LAUGHING) - Well, I'll tell you, a huge thanks to Akbar and Matt for being a part of our Lip Sync crew.
One love from me, LL Cool J, and Chrissy.
And remember, whatever you do in life, baby, "Knock 'em out the box, L! Knock 'em out, L!" Do you believe in life after love ("AFTER LOVE" ECHOING) I can feel something inside me say I really don't think you're strong enough No Do you believe in life after love ("AFTER LOVE" ECHOING) I can feel something inside me say LL: Victory lap! Victory lap!
I'm so happy, 'cause we have two handsome, funny men, and that's my favorite thing.
Also my favorite thing? The head of the Battle household.
It's your host.
It's LL Cool J! ("HEADSPRUNG" BY LL COOL J PLAYS) They call me Big L'y Big Silly Big Money - Big Billy - Hands up! Hands up! When I'm slidin' in them all, can ya hear me Hands up! Let me hear you say "Hell, yeah!" CROWD: Hell, yeah! - LL: Now, scream! - (CHEERS AND APPLAUSE) She's outgoing.
She's free-throwing.
She's all-knowing.
She is Chrissy Teigen.
- Oh, really! - (CHEERS AND APPLAUSE) Hello! All-knowing! - How you feelin'? - I feel really good.
- How do you feel? - I feel good.
- How do you guys feel? - (CHEERS AND APPLAUSE) Ready to have some fun? (CHEERS AND APPLAUSE) - LL: Let's get it! - (DRAMATIC MUSIC PLAYS) Oh, man.
He's a former NFL linebacker.
An analyst for the NFL network, and is the co-host of American Ninja Warrior.
Make some noise for Akbar Gbaja-Biamila.
(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE) And he is a comedian and an actor, co-host of American Ninja Warrior.
Give it up for Matt Iseman! (CHEERS AND APPLAUSE) (MOUTHING) CHRISSY: Oh! Already! It's We just started.
I'm gonna be invisible in this shadow.
It's like the moon eclipsing me over here.
That's all 6'6", 260 pounds - hovering over you right now.
- Yeah, I can smell it.
There are three hunky men on this stage.
I got It's my night, finally! - Finally! - (CHEERS AND APPLAUSE) All right, so, Akbar, you're gonna go first.
Matt, have a seat in the VIP.
- Akbar, come on over here.
- (CHEERS AND APPLAUSE) Come on over, baby.
All right, what song are you gonna tap in first tonight? You know what? I made a lot of mistakes.
Um, but you know, I know one thing.
I know forgiveness.
And I know how to get that forgiveness, too.
Sometimes you just gotta get on your knees and ask for it.
- (CHEERS AND APPLAUSE) - LL: Absolutely! And now, Akbar! (CHEERS AND APPLAUSE) ("DOWN ON BENDED KNEE" BY BOYZ II MEN PLAYS) Oh! Darling, I I can't explain Where did we lose our way Oh, it sounds so good! Well, it's driving me insane If you come back to me I'll guarantee I'm begging you, begging you Come back to me Can we go back to the days Our love was strong Can't somebody tell me how You get things back the way they used to be Baby, I'm sorry.
Please forgive me for all the wrong I've done.
Please forgive me Please come back home, girl.
I know you put all your trust in me.
- I'm down on bended, down on bended - Knee Can we go back to the days Our love was strong Raise a family! Can't somebody tell me how To get things back the way they used to Oh God, give me a reason I'm down on bended knee (CHEERS AND APPLAUSE) LL: You all right, man? AKBAR: I'm good, I'm good.
I'm good.
I'm all I'm all better now.
Yeah, you don't have to even do the whole song.
- I forgave you really early.
- AKBAR: Thank you.
- Thank you.
- You forgave him? - Yeah.
- I have to show the suave side.
I was trying to get my my inner LL Cool J in there.
Oh, is that what you were looking for? - CHRISSY: Yes! - That that was the Ak-Cool J.
The Ak-Cool J.
Yeah! So, come on, Matt.
Talk to me.
MATT: LL, I gotta be honest.
My man, you committed out there.
And that performance is one I would listen to in bed when I wanna go to sleep.
- CHRISSY: Oh! - (CROWD GROANING) LL: You know, fellas? I'm gonna let you guys discuss that in the VIP.
Akbar, you can head on over to the VIP.
- Love you, baby.
- (CHEERS AND APPLAUSE) Now, come on over here, come on over here.
- It's your turn to burn, baby.
- I love this episode.
- This is good.
- LL: So, Matt that was pretty good actually, you know? You know what? I gotta give my man credit.
He committed.
He really did.
And he had Chrissy in his arms, which sucks, 'cause now, I ain't got a shot with her.
It's okay, you can try it too! I ain't sexual chocolate like my man over there.
I know that! No, you're giving the the Vanilla Thrilla! I'm the Vanilla Thriller! - It's all good.
- Hey, it's short, but it's exciting, all right? (CHEERS AND APPLAUSE) I just love this is the one show John hasn't come to.
And he's gonna be he's gonna be sad.
When you see my performance, you'll realize there's still a legend in the house.
- Oh! - (CHEERS AND APPLAUSE) Was that pretty good? Was that pretty good? Absolutely.
It was amazing.
It was amazing.
I can't even front.
(LAUGHTER) - Give it up for Matt Iseman! - (CHEERS AND APPLAUSE) He looks like Obi-Wan Kenobi! ("I WOULD DO ANYTHING FOR LOVE, BU I WON'T DO THAT" BY MEATLOAF PLAYS) And I would do anything for love But I won't do that No, I won't do that (MUSIC INTENSIFIES) And some days, I pray for silence - (LAUGHING) - And some days I pray for soul Some days I just pray to the god Of sex and drums and rock 'n' roll And maybe, I'm lonely That's all I'm qualified to be There's just one and only one And only promise I can keep Don't don't uh-uh! As long as the wheels are turning As long as the fires are burning As long as your prayers are coming true You'd better believe it That I would do anything for love And you know it's true and that's a fact I would do anything for love Though I won't do that Anything for love But I won't do that - (LAUGHING) - (CHEERS AND APPLAUSE) LL: Make some noise! (CHEERS AND APPLAUSE) Oh my God! You all right? Those have to be some of the strongest jeans - that I've ever seen in my entire life.
- (LAUGHTER) LL: Yo, Matt, you're going for it tonight.
This has been a highlight already, and one of the great things? My parents are in the crowd, and I know they're proud of that.
- (CHEERS AND APPLAUSE) - Where are they? - Mom and Dad in the room? - MATT: Mom and Dad! I tell ya, the thing my parents always told me, is "Life is short, do what you love.
" - CHRISSY: Yes! - And being out here performing? That's what I love! - (CHEERS AND APPLAUSE) - So, Akbar? Akbar? What do you think of his style choice? Uh, well, I can tell you one thing.
You got a lot of hair on your chest.
- That's for sure.
- (LAUGHTER) I don't know where you got that What is that, linen? Crushed linen? Crushed linen.
- Crushed linen, okay.
- (LAUGHTER) Amazing, amazing.
Great job, great job.
Matt, you can go on over to the VIP.
(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE) So the hosts of American Ninja Warrior are in the building.
And by the look of it, they'll do anything to win that belt.
There's no such thing as partners tonight.
This battle looks for real, baby.
I love it when the boys get down and dirty.
I can't wait to see what they've got planned next.
I know you can't either.
Come on back for more! - It's Lip Sync Battle.
- Lip Sync Battle, baby.
- Yeah! - (CHEERS AND APPLAUSE) It takes two to make a thing go right Lip Sync Battle is back at it.
Akbar is ready to go for broke and show the world what he's got.
Does he have the right stuff to get the job done? Let's find out.
AKBAR: I'm stronger, I'm faster.
I'm more handsome.
I have everything on Matt.
(ALL CHEERING) Yes! AKBAR: This reminds me a lot of the NFL.
The pre-game warm-up.
Which is really the rehearsal.
Oh my God.
- I can get down, but I might not be able to get up.
- (LAUGHTER) Yeah, yeah.
I might stumble on the words, but guess what? I'm the master of free-styling.
BOTH: Let's go! Okay! Okay! DANIELLE: Hey! Hey! - Hey! - (CHEERING) Nice! Matt Iseman.
Listen to his name! How regular is that? Excuse me.
You talkin' trash about me? AKBAR: Matt and I are going head to head.
Matt, you're not a quarterback, but you're going down.
- Don't be making faces now! - No, no, no! You bring your NFL skills.
I wanna see his little sack dance! AKBAR: Matt, there's no way you're gonna beat me.
This is a real battle.
It's the big time, prime time, showtime, all-time.
Game time.
(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE) Bust it ("BUST A MOVE" BY YOUNG MC PLAYS) (LAUGHING) This here's a tale for all the fellas Tryin' to do what those ladies tell us Get shot down 'cause ya over-zealous Play hard to get females get jealous Okay smarty go to a party Girls are scantily clad and showin' body A chick walks by you wish you could sex her But you're standing on the wall like you was Poindexter Next day's function high-class luncheon Food is served and you're stone-cold munchin' Music comes on people start to dance But then you ate so much you nearly split your pants - A girl starts walking guys start gawking - (CHRISSY LAUGHS) Sits down next to you and starts talking Says she wants to dance 'cause she likes to groove So come on fatso and just bust a move (CHEERS AND APPLAUSE) LL: Hands up! You're on a mission and you're wishin' Someone could cure your lonely condition Lookin' for love in all the wrong places No fine girls just ugly faces From frustration first inclination Is to become a monk and leave the situation But every dark tunnel has a light of hope So don't hang yourself with a celibate rope Your movie's showin', so you're goin' Could care less about the five you're blowin' Theater gets dark just to start the show - Oh, no! Oh, no! - Then ya spot a fine woman sittin' in your row She's dressed in yellow, she says "Hello, Come sit next to me you fine fellow" You run over there without a second to lose And what comes next hey, bust a move You want it You got it You want it Yeah, yeah Just bust a move (CHEERS AND APPLAUSE) (SCREAMS) Yeah, boy! Yeah, boy! Hey! I know your mom's here, but word to yo motha! (CROWD GROANS) Man, I gotta say, I always wondered what you looked like with hair.
Turns out it's Urkel on steroids.
(LAUGHTER) The fact that your pants are split.
Hey, you know, when I did - Your cakes! - (CROWD CHEERS) LL: Now, don't do that! Now, don't do that.
That's - AKBAR: Yeah, yeah, yeah.
- LL: So, Matt! Talk to me, baby.
- You saw what happened.
- MATT: Listen.
I'd love to talk trash, but the black Bob Ross just busted a move out there.
- CHRISSY: Oh! - That was I gotta give you credit, Akbar! You move well for a big man.
That was good! There it is.
Akbar, you head on over to the VIP.
- (CHEERS AND APPLAUSE) - Without a doubt.
CHRISSY: They're brash, they're big, they're bold, and amazingly, light on their feet.
Who knew? This battle's delivering goods and then some.
Absolutely, and the laughs continue when we come back.
It's nothing but a party tonight, and y'all are invited.
Come on back.
It's more Lip Sync Battle, baby.
Let's do it! You want it, you got - Yeah! - (CHEERS AND APPLAUSE) It takes two to make a thing Welcome back to LSB! It's a ferocious battle between the hosts of American Ninja Warrior.
Matt's next up to bat.
But before he can go on to the stage, let's see if he's got the right stuff to hit this performance out of the park, baby.
MATT: It's time for rehearsal.
Daddy's coming in hot.
(CHEERING) ALL: Go, Matthew, go, Matthew, go! Go, Matt! (CHEERING) All right, let's do it! Whoo! That was good! Yes! That pose is everything! MATT: I'm a little concerned about the choreography.
The last time I danced was prom in the '80s.
- Oh, (BLEEP).
- (DANIELLE LAUGHS) (GASPING) Are we at altitude? I am out of breath already.
This is pathetic.
Oh my God! We're here at the Lip Sync Battle.
Akbar's younger, he's in much better shape.
That's dangerous.
What I do have though? Is no shame.
Zero shame.
What's up? You got this! High heels! Bring this, Akbar.
Who's a ninja now, motha-(SQUEALS)? - You're going down.
- We're doing battle.
- You ready? - I'm ready! - I'm ready.
- Are you ready? I promise you, I'm ready.
There's only one thing I do know.
Akbar (CHEERS AND APPLAUSE) ("DO YOU BELIEVE IN LIFE AFTER LOVE" BY CHER PLAYS) ("AFTER LOVE" ECHOING) No matter how hard I try You keep pushing me aside And I can't break through There's no talking to you It's so sad that you're leaving (LAUGHING) It takes time to believe it But after all is said and done You're gonna be the lonely one, oh Oh! Do you believe in life after love - I can feel something inside me say - His parents.
I really don't think you're strong enough No Well I know that I'll get through this I don't need you anymore No, I don't need you anymore Do you believe in life after love ("AFTER LOVE" ECHOING) I can feel something inside me say I really don't think you're strong enough No Do you believe in life after love ("AFTER LOVE" ECHOING) I can feel something inside me say I really don't think you're strong enough No (CHEERS AND APPLAUSE) AKBAR: Oh, wow.
Okay, okay.
Okay.
(CHEERS CONTINUE) Mom! You got a standing ovation from your parents.
- LL: Wow.
- Was that a standing ovation or were they in shock? LL: Doctor and Mrs.
Iseman are in the house.
Just give us a nod of approval if you're okay with the yeah.
Just give us a nod.
Thumbs up, okay! All right, we get it.
Shout out to our costume department.
I don't know how this happened.
This is so freeing.
This really is.
This I think I'm starting a trend here.
I'm 6'4 ", 6'9" with the heels now.
- (LAUGHTER) - A diva doesn't go anywhere without her heels.
So, Akbar have you ever seen your partner quite like this? In this You know what? I never wanna see him like this ever again, but I do have to say, you went all out on this one.
- My goodness! - (CHEERS AND APPLAUSE) That was serious, Matt.
You can head on over to the VIP.
- Thank you.
- (CHEERS AND APPLAUSE) So, this has been a show where two guys, who are no stranger to competition, brought out the best in one another, and we reap the benefits.
Now, when we come back, it gets real, as the audience decides who gets to take this belt off Chrissy's hands.
It's sturdy, it's blingy, but it's a bitch to accessorize.
And I'll belong to one of these lucky guys when we come back! You gotta see this.
Get ready.
- It's Lip Sync Battle.
- Lip Sync Battle, baby! That's right! Do you believe in life after love ("AFTER LOVE" ECHOING) - Yeah! - (CHEERS AND APPLAUSE) It takes two to make a thing go right Welcome back to Lip Sync Battle, now tonight, we had a whole lot of laughs, and it's thanks to these two amazing dudes.
Give 'em a round of applause one more time.
- They were game competitors.
- (CHEERS AND APPLAUSE) Ladies and gentlemen, is the Lip Sync Battle champ tonight Matt Iseman? (WILD CHEERS AND APPLAUSE) Or is the Lip Sync Battle champ - Akbar? - (CHEERS AND APPLAUSE) (MATT SPEAKING INDISTINCTLY) And the Lip Sync Battle champ is - Matt Iseman! - (CHEERS AND APPLAUSE) (INDISTINCT) Oh! Oh! Is that heavy? Oh, that's the real deal! (IMITATING EDDIE MURPHY) What is it? Velvet? - (LAUGHTER) - (CHEERS AND APPLAUSE) I don't know why, but it's like he transformed into Gene Simmons just now.
- (LAUGHTER) - I don't know what happened.
It just You are the winner.
You're the Lip Sync Battle champion today.
So, tell us what it feels like, man.
You did a great job.
I gotta say, it's such an honor to perform in front of you, and Chrissy, and this phenomenal audience.
(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE) But it feels best of all doing it in a thong and high heels in front of my parents! - I love you, Mom and Dad! - (CHEERS AND APPLAUSE) You made me this way! LL: What did you think of his performance? The rocked 'em both.
The thing I know about Akbar is he always brings his "A" game.
That was the only reason I did this, is 'cause the only chance I had to outdo that man, was to go full (IMITATES CHER) diva.
(LAUGHTER) AKBAR: I gotta give him credit though.
If you can perform like that in heels, y-you're alright with me.
You're alright with me.
- (LAUGHING) - Well, I'll tell you, a huge thanks to Akbar and Matt for being a part of our Lip Sync crew.
One love from me, LL Cool J, and Chrissy.
And remember, whatever you do in life, baby, "Knock 'em out the box, L! Knock 'em out, L!" Do you believe in life after love ("AFTER LOVE" ECHOING) I can feel something inside me say I really don't think you're strong enough No Do you believe in life after love ("AFTER LOVE" ECHOING) I can feel something inside me say LL: Victory lap! Victory lap!