Moonlighting s05e10 Episode Script
When Girls Collide (1)
I can honestly say everything's fine.
I can honestly say everything's fine.
I feel much better about my life.
I like my age, my job.
Finally, things seem to be on an even keel.
I've used up I don't know how many boxes of Kleenex in this office.
But I guess it was worth it.
David and I seem to be actually approaching a manageable relationship.
Maybe he's matured.
Not much, but a little.
I'm still intrigued by the relationship between his shoulders and his hips.
I'm only human.
But I'm not getting back on that rollercoaster.
No way.
I guess what I'm trying to say is I don't think I really need to come here anymore.
And if it's okay with you, this' be my last appointment.
I think I deserve a going-away party.
Hold it, please.
Hi.
That's a very nice dress you have on.
I like that.
She'd only end up breaking your heart.
Yeah, thanks.
Morning.
Great news.
With the earnings I'm about to bring in you might wanna take this candy store public.
First, Agnes, pencil me in for lunch at 11:30, 12:30 and 2:30.
-Any movies? -A matinee perhaps.
Depends how pressure-packed lunch is.
-Fire away, Burt.
-Mr.
Addison.
I came in this morning with something I never had before.
There are doctors in this building.
Just don't sit down in here.
I came in here with the most beautiful word in English.
-Careful, this ain't cable.
-Business.
Yeah, well, speaking of business .
For once, I didn't come in here empty-handed to mindlessly perform my assigned task.
A drone.
A robot.
A slave.
Support personnel.
No, I went out into those mean streets and I brought home the bacon.
Sir I have a case.
Sports page.
One that could prove to be a long-term and lucrative account for us.
There is a man a Mr.
Seymour Sapperman a well respected businessman and on for whose purity of character I can personally vouch.
He has for the last several years been my accountant.
Through thin and thin.
And he has always discharged his fiduciary responsibilities in an exemplary manner.
Boy, big night for Kareem against the Clippers.
-Mr.
Addison.
-Yo.
-About Mr.
Sapperman? -I'm all ears.
Even a professional, like Mr.
Sapperman is no stranger to the vagaries of love.
Kareem, on the pass from Worthy.
Dribbles.
Fires.
Oh, sky hook.
And it's good.
Recently, while going through some credit-card statements certain unusual and atypical payments appear to have been made.
Possibly, by his wife of 35 years, Adelaide.
Burty, let me stop you right there.
Okay? Look, what's fair is fair.
I'm not gonna take advantage of you.
You brought this case in, you should crack it.
But sir, I wouldn't feel right taking all the glory for myself.
Oh, no, no, no, no.
The g ory's all yours.
-Just cut me in on the cash.
-Really? Yeah, well, you deserve a shot at greatness.
And I deserve a coffee break for one of the more gruelling mornings I've had.
Sir, I don't know how to thank you for this vote of confidence.
-What's that? -What's what? That noise.
Sounds like a woman with upper-respiratory distress.
-Sounds like laughter.
-From Ms.
Hayes' office? Don't make me laugh.
She hasn't laughed since Mark Harmon.
-Yeah, Maddie, listen.
-No.
No.
-Maddie.
Maddie.
-No.
No.
-Reservations, please.
-No, Madd-- Oh, David.
David, Annie.
Annie, David.
-Hi.
-Hi.
-Weren't you on the--? -I got off at the wrong floor.
Yes, I'd like to cancel my room reservation.
The name is Annie Charnock.
Thank you.
Fine, just ruin my trip by making me feel like an imposition.
You're not an imposition and I don't wanna hear it.
Did you need me, David? No, it's nothing that can't wait.
Very nice to meet you.
Hey, chin up.
Maybe you'll meet her on the way back down.
Yeah, maybe.
Everything all right? Yeah, she had a fishbone caught in her throat.
Agnes who is that young lady in there with Ms.
Hayes? Well, I don't know.
There's been a lot of speculation.
-Speculation? -Rumours.
-What kind of rumours? -Well, MacGi icuddy thinks she's being interviewed as a replacement for Herbert, but-- Agnes, I'm taking Annie shopping and to lunch.
-Make a reservation at Market Street.
-Right away.
I'm taking you to Beverly Hills.
But get ready, it's gonna bankrupt you.
Now, you girls go have a good time.
Old Dave will hold down the fort here.
Herbert thinks she's being interviewed as a replacement for MacGi icuddy.
But O'Nea thinks-- -And this cannot go any further.
-My lips are sealed.
O'Nea has reason to believe those two had a fling along, longtime ago.
And after years of guilt-ridden estrangement they're just good friends.
Tell O'Neal he's employee of the month.
But Ms.
Hayes says she's her cousin.
-That woman is her cousin? -Twice removed, her mother's side.
-They used to share an apartment.
-Thanks, Agnes.
-Well, should we have a cocktail? -What did Uncle Alex used to say? Something had to be something before we could order? -Some nautical deal? -The sun had to be over the yardarm.
The yardarm, that's right.
And is the sun over the yardarm? The sun's always over the yardarm.
I never heard my father say it was early for a Bloody Mary.
Well, since I'm in California, I think I'll have a margarita.
I feel a wasted afternoon coming on.
Make it two.
Mark lectured me about earthquake preparedness all the way to the airport.
As far as he's concerned, reason and order end at the Tapanzee Bridge.
-How is Mark? -He's on cloud nine.
He got the okay for a 76-storey building for United Consolidated.
When are you two gonna get to the business of making me a great-aunt? Mark says next year.
Of course, he's been saying that for the last 10.
Admirer at 2 o'clock.
You've gotta be kidding me.
It's all coming back to me.
What it's like to go out in with Maddie Hayes.
Stop.
What is it with Mark? He doesn't want children? No, no.
He does.
He just needs to think about it.
You know, a typical Mark.
He's afraid if we really go through with it, it'll mean we really are married instead of just living together in holy matrimony.
Here's to enlightened women and the enlightenment of men.
To us.
-I stopped seeing my therapist today.
-Congratulations.
David and I are actually approaching a manageable relationship.
We have our own lives.
Separate but equal.
You're better off without him.
I caught his act in the elevator.
-I'm better off without him.
-You have to make the decision to get out there and get back in the saddle again.
I know.
But this time I'm holding out for an adoring, gorgeous, faithful hard-working, wonderful human being who has at least an eight-cylinder Rolls-Royce.
While you're waiting for the Messiah, why not put Mr.
Two o'clock out of his misery and invite him over to our table? Is my little cousin procuring for me now? -Yes.
-Annie.
-Anyway, he looks married.
-I'll be right back.
-Where are you going? -Fly-by.
-Hitched.
-You are terrible.
-Recently, still shiny.
-I told you.
You're not gonna let that stand in your way.
What was that guy's name, the one who lived on Park Avenue? -Oh, Anthony.
-Anthony.
But he really wasn't married.
He just had a wife.
-Are you ladies ready to order? -Not just yet.
We'd like to send a drink to that gentlemen at that table over there.
-Something with flames.
-Annie.
Lots of fruit.
And one of those little parasols with my friend's telephone number on it.
it's 557-- it's been along time since we played elevator.
I'm setting a great example.
Stumbling in from a liquid lunch with my old roommate.
What, the boss lady isn't allowed to have a good time now and then? Well.
Ms.
Hayes? I have Herbert on the phone.
He needs to talk to you.
Oh, I'm sorry, Agnes.
it's not you.
I'll take it in my office.
I'll see you later.
I'm sorry, it's not you.
Hello? Mr.
Viola? Hello? -Mr.
Viola? -He's really not on the phone.
I needed to talk to you in private.
I didn't wanna say anything out there.
-What's the matter, Agnes? -Well, it's Herbert.
Since Addison handed over the Sapperman case to him he's been like Elliot Ness handling the Capone investigation.
What's the Sapperman case? Run-of-the-mill, marital infidelity, kids stuff.
He's waving it in MacGi icuddy's face like a red flag.
I'd hate to see this end in another duel.
Thank you.
I'll take care of it.
Why am I holding this phone? Thanks, Ms.
Hayes.
So you two guys had a really nice time at lunch? We let our hair down a little.
Your cousin seems really neat.
Yeah, she's a sweetheart.
-How about this? -Oh, nice.
I thought we were going dancing.
Well, this would be perfect for dancing.
In a wake.
All right, wait a minute, wait a minute.
Okay.
-How about this little number? -You know, it gets cold in L.
A.
at night.
Yeah, it doesn't leave much to the imagination, does it? Maddie, you really feel like going out tonight? I can't help feeling you had something else in mind.
I was thinking it's your first night here.
-I thought you would be jet-lagged.
-No, I'm looking forward to spending a night on the town with my cousin.
-Try this colour.
-Oh, that's great.
Look, not that the Junior League bake sale isn't a howl but this is the big avocado.
Now, I thought first we could catch Sean Penn beating on the paparazzi at Spago a little dancing and then maybe head over to Mr.
Hefner's.
A night with David is not gonna be nearly as intellectually stimulating.
Pass me the clear mascara, thanks.
If it's awkward between the two of you, then let's just stay home.
-We could play Scrabble.
-Oh, no, no, David and I are fine.
I'm just worried about you.
I'm not sure you need a full dose of this guy.
Well, he seems harmless enough.
Well, he's not harmless, he's toxic, carcinogenic.
He's lethal.
He only asked us to go dancing.
How much trouble can we possibly get into? You don't know David.
He's not normal.
He seems like he is, but he isn't.
One moment he's waltzing you around, the next moment you look down see the mirror on his shoe.
-You sound afraid of this guy.
-I'm not afraid of him.
I just know him.
Look maybe this isn't such a great idea.
I don't want you to feel uncomfortable.
And I should get a good night's sleep.
Look, I just have too much history with him, that's all.
I'm sure he'll be on his best behaviour.
We'll have a great time.
What time is he supposed to pick us up? -Eight o'clock? -it's quarter to 8.
Can't be him.
He's the kind of guy who's never seen the opening credits of a movie.
Harem Scarem Escorts.
David Addison at your service.
Okay, the ground rules.
No mud wrestling.
No pasty shows.
I don't wanna find myself in some wet T-shirt contest so you can drink free beer.
What's the matter with you? Do you think I'm gonna pick my nose? I promise I'll be on my best behaviour.
Better not have anything up your sleeve.
Why don't you get dressed? And I'll mix myself a little cocktail.
There's fruit juice in the refrigerator.
I don't want fruit juice.
it's gonna be the three of us? Annie and I are tired.
Gonna be a short night.
Well, I'll have you both in bed by 10, I promise.
Hi.
Hi.
Do I look okay? -Yeah, you look good.
-Thank you for the flowers.
Don't tell Maddie, but I picked them out of her garden.
Been a while since I got to steer this around the floor.
David, you can even make nostalgia sound pornographic.
Yeah, I'm pretty good at that, ain't I? -How's Angie doing? -Annie.
Annie.
Oh, yeah.
She over her crush on me yet? -Yeah, right.
-I don't think she likes me.
She's a perceptive person.
You've been a little standoffish yourself tonight.
Well, I got this rash I'm trying to clear up.
I'm just kidding.
I'm on my best behaviour, so I don't embarrass you in front of the family.
I appreciate that.
it's sweet of you to give up two precious hours of debauchery to show us a good time.
Well, you know, I figure it's the least I could do.
We ought to make a point of doing this more often.
-No, thanks.
-Yeah, you're right.
You know, we should be really proud of ourselves.
-For what? -For everything we've been through.
Most couples would have murdered each other by now.
Murder? Now, why didn't I think of that? David, you'd be very popular in prison.
Oh, I'd be quite popular in prison.
They'd make me the prom queen.
No, thank you.
I'm happy.
If I'm gonna dance with somebody I'm very happy to be here dancing with you.
-How about you, are you happy? -Yeah, I guess I'm happy.
-At least I'm not sad.
-Good.
Look at that couple, David.
In love.
Enjoying each other's company.
-it's so civilized.
I envy that.
-Yeah, I know you do.
What was that? Mr.
Addison.
Forgive my interrupting, but there's a big break in the Sapperman case.
-What are you doing here, Mr.
Viola? -I've got everything here, on videotape.
Mrs.
Sapperman, in flagrante, entering hot-tub heaven.
Will you get out of here? I know this is a bad time, but I think you're really gonna wanna see this.
This will just take one quick moment for me to get this all cued up here.
Sorry, I don't believe we've met.
Special agent Viola, heading the Sapperman investigation.
Burt, can't this wait? Ordinarily, I'd say yes.
But we may wanna make our move tonight.
Wait until you see this.
The suspect, exiting a car registered to her loving albeit victimized, stooge of a husband.
it's right here somewhere.
Driven down the right-field line.
If it's a fair, it's trouble at Shea-- A brand new 14-piece dinette set from Tracyware.
In a minute.
-Would you like to dance? -In one second maybe.
Let me get this cued up.
There's a yellow line at-- Hey, thanks, everybody.
Hey, we're gonna take a break now.
We'll be back in about 20 minutes to play our last set.
Wait a minute.
Wait a minute.
Here it is.
Where the hell is Mrs.
Sapperman? Is Maddie asleep? -Can I ask you a question? -Yeah.
-What is that? -The Los Angeles River.
Why is it paved? Here we go, old-timer.
-Get you to bed.
-I can make it.
I had a great time.
Appreciate it.
You don't want me to help you get undressed? -Oh, David.
Good night, Annie.
-Good night.
Listen, I should probably get going.
You know where I can find a 17th-century French slave for my foyer? It just so happens to happen that I'm getting rid of one.
-No foyer? -No foyer.
I just can't believe this.
I mean, nobody can live like this.
The draperies are always matching the couch.
There's always some sort of ceramic dog in the room.
The magazines are lined up, alphabetized on the coffee table in a straight line.
-it's just so .
-So much like this place.
Very scary.
-That's not very nice, David.
-You're right.
That's not very nice at all.
What? Nothing.
Nothing.
Would you like something to drink? Yes.
-I would like some coffee.
-Decaf? Caf is all right.
-You stay here.
I'll get it.
-No, no, let me.
Coffee is one thing that I do well.
So the girls and I were in Paris, right? We convinced the chaperon that we have to go on this tour Forbidden Paris.
Doing some paper on changing roles of women in society or something.
So we hit every strip joint in Pigalle.
Okay, so the chaperon has a few, right, at every stop.
He gets juiced, gets rolled.
Loses all of our money, which we'd given to him for safekeeping.
And then what happens? He pukes on one of the girls.
We've gotta get out of this place.
What do we do? I'm an American in Paris.
I gotta get us out of there.
I'm up on the stage.
I'm doing my thing.
Start getting a little brave.
-I get booed off the stage.
-Oh, no.
Yes.
I mean, I get down to the jogging bra and breathe and that was it.
Over.
Oh, that is the saddest story I have ever heard.
Did I embarrass you? Where are we going? Right out there, where all those planes are stacking up, is the airport.
You can't see it right now, but just beyond that's the ocean.
And then there's Catalina out there, which you can see sometimes.
What's that dark patch there where there's no lights? Oh, that's where all the rich people live.
Where do you live? See right down here where all these lights are? Yeah, that's it.
Fifty, 60 years ago there was nothing here but beanfields.
Then the people started showing up.
Why did you show up? I don't know, I was in New York starving and freezing.
I figured if I was gonna starve, why not be warm.
So I came out here.
I can't figure out what I'm looking at.
It's not a city.
Definitely not Connecticut.
Yeah, it kind of looks like a place where you'd land a flying saucer.
I like L.
A.
though.
No history here.
You can kind of reinvent yourself out here.
Oh, yeah, what did you become? I don't know.
A guy who doesn't take himself too seriously.
How serious can you take things if you live in the middle of a beanfield? But I like that about you.
-You do? -Yeah, I do.
Because, you know, I mean, if I-- Like, if I took myself too seriously I would never be able to-- What? I think I was taking myself a little too seriously.
Would you like to kiss me? Yes, I would.
-David, are you sure it's safe here? -Pretty close to safe.
I'm sure those guys have guns.
Annie? What you are about to see is the home of Seymour Sapperman, my client.
And Adelaide Sapperman, Adele for short the subject of this investigation and the following colour presentation.
The surveillance spot was chosen with great care to avoid the possibility of detection at all costs.
Fortunately, I was able to maintain my cover by persuading the Sappermans' nitwit neighbours that I was a reporter from Lifestyles of the Filthy Rich.
Mrs.
Sapperman was born on August 27th, 1932 to Shmul and Helen Menmum of Ozone Park, Queens.
The Sapperman cat, Butch.
After moving to Los Angeles in 1957 Adele went to work for the accounting firm of Sapperman Sapperman, Sapperman, shown here.
This woman is not Mrs.
Sapperman.
She bears no resemblance to Mrs.
Sapperman.
However, in the interests of dramatization I thought it might be good to-- Well, forget it.
But the story does not end here.
We must look past the white-picket fence.
The lace curtains in the windows, the well-kept flower gardens.
Because behind this tranquil suburban facade there lurks a dark story of faithlessness and betrayal.
There goes Mrs.
Sapperman now in the family station wagon.
Is she going grocery shopping? Or is she going to stain something that once was pure giving herself to another man.
Letting a total stranger run his hands over the soft, white flesh that once was Seymour Sapperman's alone.
And then having slaked the carnal thirst of the beast within her-- -Mr.
Viola? -Will she return to the open arms of her loving husband? Still glistening with the sweat of another animal.
-Mr.
Viola? -Jezebel, harlot, adulteress thy name is Adele.
-Mr.
Viola.
-What? I think you're getting a little too worked up about this case.
No.
No.
As a detective, I'm as detached and dispassionate as always.
The filmmaker within me .
Oh, Agnes.
What the hell are you doing? -Good morning, David.
-Morning, Maddie.
We have to talk.
I'm gonna save about a page of dialogue, okay? Because even though I'm sure you personally find this very awkward her being a friend of yours, part of the family and all that I don't think it's any of your business.
So, I will tell you as a friend, that you should relax because nothing happened.
David.
I don't mean to pry into your life, but-- Ever notice how everything a person says before "but" is a lie? David, would you please let me finish? We certainly require a lot of attention today.
-David, please, I'm-- -Can I use the car? Yes, of course.
You need it for the stakeout.
-What stakeout? -Sapperman case.
-Sapperman case? -Sapperman case.
I told Viola he could take that case.
He's doing wonderful with it.
Don't saddle me with this nitwit Sapperman case.
Usually when a person gets a paycheque, it's for doing the job.
Great.
I quit.
Why don't you admit that you're jealous? I'm not jealous.
You should see other women.
See other women.
I don't want you to see this woman.
-That's jealous.
-David.
I know what you're going through.
You know it's over between us.
I can die now.
I heard David use "inte ectua y.
" Visualize me in the arms of another woman.
I have no problem visualizing another woman.
Any woman.
That's how indiscriminate you are.
But not with Annie.
I'm sure this all seems very complicated to you.
Complicated? David, it's wrong.
-Many reasons why I should not get-- -You know the reasons.
Make you feel better to get this off your chest.
So fire away.
You know what? -I am not listening.
I can't hear you.
-I mean, she's married.
David, I'm talking to you.
Don't go away mad.
Mr.
Viola, Mr.
Addison will be accompanying you on the Sapperman stakeout tonight.
Scratch that.
Ms.
Hayes will be your date tonight because Mr.
Addison has other plans.
Mr.
Addison will change his plans.
-Says who? -Says me.
We're partners, remember? Equal partners.
You told me-- -More equal than you are.
-You've got as much responsibility -for the investigation as I have.
-I'm assigning an operative like you.
-You have plans with Annie.
-People, please.
-I am gonna get fired for saying this.
-You're fired.
As chief investigator on a Sapperman case I cannot stand around while the two of you stand here bickering.
Plans need to be made.
Stratagems formulized.
Men and material deployed.
You're right, Mr.
Viola.
We have a business to run.
No need to carry on like 12-year-olds.
No, there's no need at all.
So I think that we should just settle this dispute in an equitable, mature, adult fashion.
-Paper wraps rock.
-Best five out of seven.
Come on, Mr.
Addison, you agreed to binding arbitration on this.
Welcome to the Sapperman investigation.
-Good night, Ms.
Hayes.
-Good night, Agnes.
-Are you okay, Ms.
Hayes? -I'm fine.
Why? -Don't I look like I'm fine? -You look fine.
-Well, have a nice evening.
-You too, Agnes.
-Not gonna have a nice evening.
-Why not? -You're not gonna have a nice evening.
-Why? Inez told Jamie and Jamie told Chris that Inez overheard MacGi icuddy tell O'Nea who heard it from Herbert that Mr.
Addison accidentally hit on your cousin last night.
-Nobody else knows, don't worry.
-Mr.
Addison didn't hit on my cousin.
-He didn't? -He didn't.
-He just kept her out late.
-Very late? -Yeah.
-Put the moves on her, huh? -Why did it have to be my relative? -Your friend.
-My mother's niece.
-Married.
-To a prince of a guy.
-Messy.
-I was the maid of honour.
-Messy.
-The way David likes it.
-Nothing happened.
Nothing happened.
Annie has too much sense for that.
-Ms.
Hayes? -What? I've been sitting at that desk most of my adult life, watching you two interact.
And I don't think Mr.
Addison's interested in Annie.
Not really.
This is just his way of staying involved with you.
-I don't want him involved with me.
-Do you really believe that? I don't care what his motives are.
I just know this isn't right.
Well, you have two choices.
You can shake a stern finger at him like his mom or his third grade teacher or another person he'd love not to listen to-- Or? We can take Chinese food over to the stakeout.
And tell Mr.
Addison and Herbert what a great job they're doing on the Sapperman case.
How did you get to be such a student of human nature? One day I realized that everything's psychological if you think about it.
Charming place.
Herbert took me here for our anniversary last year.
He didn't.
He did.
Neither of us got a wink of sleep.
Terrified there was gonna be an earthquake.
The mirror over our bed was gonna smash and kill him.
So we wound up sleeping in the bathtub.
He still has to see a chiropractor.
-Maddie.
-David.
I'm undercover.
What are you guys doing down here? -We brought dinner.
-Moo shu pork, duck.
Oh, no.
Twice-diced mice.
My stomach, all the blood goes to it.
Look, get out of here or we're gonna blow our cover.
Food's getting cold, I'm starving, and I don't wanna be seen-- But Mr.
Viola-- I get the picture.
-Not in the mood for moo shu.
-We ought to clear the air here.
-You don't owe me an explanation.
-You don't owe her any explanation.
Right.
You don't owe her an explanation.
-I was going to tell you about this-- -See what you get for snooping-- I was doing my job while you and my cousin, the sugar tart-- -Sugar tart? -Why don't you get dressed? What--? -That was different, huh? -It was different.
Mrs.
Sapperman's room.
-So this is him.
-Don't shoot.
Will you stop that, Seymour? David, are you okay? Who are all these people? I've never seen them before in my life.
David Addison.
Blue Moon Investigation.
My partner Madelyn Hayes.
-Hi.
-Hi, I'm Annie.
Blue Moon? That's Herbie Viola's firm.
My back.
I don't understand, Seymour.
Do you know something about this? Your husband hired us to follow you.
Find out if you were cheating.
Seems to be a lot of that going around these days.
Excuse me if you're Seymour Sapperman, what are you doing here? Brilliant question, Agnes.
I got to thinking.
I-- I couldn't stand the thought of Adele with anyone else but me.
I decided to end it all right here, right now, once and for all.
Seymour that is so romantic.
-You really had me followed? -I hope Mark isn't romantic.
There's no reason that Mark needs to know about this.
-Who's Mark? -Her husband.
-Your husband? -My husband.
I knew that.
-I really do feel kind of bad.
-Don't feel bad, honey.
Maybe I should go talk to her.
I'll wait till morning, straighten it out then.
There's nothing to straighten.
Come on, that had to have been difficult on her back there.
That's right.
At the slightest hint that any human being could be enjoying themselves, things become very difficult for her.
-Should've told you about Mark.
-All right.
-What you're getting into.
-I know what I'm getting into.
Look, if you wanna talk about marriage or do a reality check or something I'll be happy to listen.
But you don't owe me any accounting for what happened before.
-It doesn't bother you that I'm married? -No.
It does not.
Maybe I'm just an old-fashioned guy.
Things are gonna start getting complicated.
No, they're not gonna get complicated.
You like chilidogs.
I like chilidogs.
I don't see any problems.
You laugh at all my stupid jokes.
Our bodies fit together very nicely.
-You're easy to be around.
-You're easy.
Oh, you're terrible.
-And a very sexy man.
-That's right, I'm a very sexy man.
That's right.
See? Oh, I love this song.
Turn it up.
That's the first time those words were spoken in this car? Now, you should lighten up on her.
I've known Maddie for along time and she can be a lot of laughs.
Oh, God.
The one thing Maddie Hayes is not is a lot of laughs.
She's not even one laugh.
Occasionally, she may be a giggle.
Well.
Where do you wanna go? -How about a hotel.
-I like that thinking.
We let someone else worry about the laundry.
No, I think I should stay alone tonight.
it's been a confusing couple of days.
-Are you sure? -Yeah, I'm sure.
Okay.
Hi.
I'm sorry.
I must've fallen asleep.
I let myself in.
I hope you don't mind.
Why would I mind? -What are you doing here? -I don't know.
I'm not sure.
-I guess I wanted to talk.
-it's very late and I'm very tired.
-If you don't mind-- -I'm not looking for an argument.
I don't wanna argue with you.
All I wanna do is get some sleep.
Then I'll just say my piece.
You try to listen.
And then I'll go.
That's all I ask.
It's a democracy.
Shoot.
David, you and I have been a lot of things to each other.
Partners, friends, lovers, enemies.
Oh, I rehearsed this all in the car and now it sounds so dumb.
Let me get this straight.
You're not sure why you're here.
You were rehearsing what you were not sure you were gonna say? Look, David, I'm worried about Annie.
Good night.
Thank you very much for coming by.
-Wonderful to see you.
-You and I both know the game.
Annie's gonna end up beaten and bruised and not know what hit her.
Why? Because you wanna get back at me for who knows what reason.
I got a little news flash for you here.
This is not about you, okay? This has absolutely nothing to do with you.
And that is why you're here in the middle of the night.
That drives you nuts.
I must be nuts for thinking that you would listen to reason.
Fine.
Get out of my bed.
I have no interest in being in your bed.
I'm so sorry you're so selfish.
And I'm sorry you're so mad at me.
I'm not mad at you.
Matter of fact, I'm not mad at anybody.
As a matter-of-fact fact, I'm very happy.
I feel great.
I'm sorry that makes you so upset.
Now, if you don't mind, I would like you to leave.
David-- I'm sorry.
Annie, wait a minute.
Hey, hey, Annie.
Hey.
You wanna do me a favour put the lights out on your way out? No problem.
I can honestly say everything's fine.
I feel much better about my life.
I like my age, my job.
Finally, things seem to be on an even keel.
I've used up I don't know how many boxes of Kleenex in this office.
But I guess it was worth it.
David and I seem to be actually approaching a manageable relationship.
Maybe he's matured.
Not much, but a little.
I'm still intrigued by the relationship between his shoulders and his hips.
I'm only human.
But I'm not getting back on that rollercoaster.
No way.
I guess what I'm trying to say is I don't think I really need to come here anymore.
And if it's okay with you, this' be my last appointment.
I think I deserve a going-away party.
Hold it, please.
Hi.
That's a very nice dress you have on.
I like that.
She'd only end up breaking your heart.
Yeah, thanks.
Morning.
Great news.
With the earnings I'm about to bring in you might wanna take this candy store public.
First, Agnes, pencil me in for lunch at 11:30, 12:30 and 2:30.
-Any movies? -A matinee perhaps.
Depends how pressure-packed lunch is.
-Fire away, Burt.
-Mr.
Addison.
I came in this morning with something I never had before.
There are doctors in this building.
Just don't sit down in here.
I came in here with the most beautiful word in English.
-Careful, this ain't cable.
-Business.
Yeah, well, speaking of business .
For once, I didn't come in here empty-handed to mindlessly perform my assigned task.
A drone.
A robot.
A slave.
Support personnel.
No, I went out into those mean streets and I brought home the bacon.
Sir I have a case.
Sports page.
One that could prove to be a long-term and lucrative account for us.
There is a man a Mr.
Seymour Sapperman a well respected businessman and on for whose purity of character I can personally vouch.
He has for the last several years been my accountant.
Through thin and thin.
And he has always discharged his fiduciary responsibilities in an exemplary manner.
Boy, big night for Kareem against the Clippers.
-Mr.
Addison.
-Yo.
-About Mr.
Sapperman? -I'm all ears.
Even a professional, like Mr.
Sapperman is no stranger to the vagaries of love.
Kareem, on the pass from Worthy.
Dribbles.
Fires.
Oh, sky hook.
And it's good.
Recently, while going through some credit-card statements certain unusual and atypical payments appear to have been made.
Possibly, by his wife of 35 years, Adelaide.
Burty, let me stop you right there.
Okay? Look, what's fair is fair.
I'm not gonna take advantage of you.
You brought this case in, you should crack it.
But sir, I wouldn't feel right taking all the glory for myself.
Oh, no, no, no, no.
The g ory's all yours.
-Just cut me in on the cash.
-Really? Yeah, well, you deserve a shot at greatness.
And I deserve a coffee break for one of the more gruelling mornings I've had.
Sir, I don't know how to thank you for this vote of confidence.
-What's that? -What's what? That noise.
Sounds like a woman with upper-respiratory distress.
-Sounds like laughter.
-From Ms.
Hayes' office? Don't make me laugh.
She hasn't laughed since Mark Harmon.
-Yeah, Maddie, listen.
-No.
No.
-Maddie.
Maddie.
-No.
No.
-Reservations, please.
-No, Madd-- Oh, David.
David, Annie.
Annie, David.
-Hi.
-Hi.
-Weren't you on the--? -I got off at the wrong floor.
Yes, I'd like to cancel my room reservation.
The name is Annie Charnock.
Thank you.
Fine, just ruin my trip by making me feel like an imposition.
You're not an imposition and I don't wanna hear it.
Did you need me, David? No, it's nothing that can't wait.
Very nice to meet you.
Hey, chin up.
Maybe you'll meet her on the way back down.
Yeah, maybe.
Everything all right? Yeah, she had a fishbone caught in her throat.
Agnes who is that young lady in there with Ms.
Hayes? Well, I don't know.
There's been a lot of speculation.
-Speculation? -Rumours.
-What kind of rumours? -Well, MacGi icuddy thinks she's being interviewed as a replacement for Herbert, but-- Agnes, I'm taking Annie shopping and to lunch.
-Make a reservation at Market Street.
-Right away.
I'm taking you to Beverly Hills.
But get ready, it's gonna bankrupt you.
Now, you girls go have a good time.
Old Dave will hold down the fort here.
Herbert thinks she's being interviewed as a replacement for MacGi icuddy.
But O'Nea thinks-- -And this cannot go any further.
-My lips are sealed.
O'Nea has reason to believe those two had a fling along, longtime ago.
And after years of guilt-ridden estrangement they're just good friends.
Tell O'Neal he's employee of the month.
But Ms.
Hayes says she's her cousin.
-That woman is her cousin? -Twice removed, her mother's side.
-They used to share an apartment.
-Thanks, Agnes.
-Well, should we have a cocktail? -What did Uncle Alex used to say? Something had to be something before we could order? -Some nautical deal? -The sun had to be over the yardarm.
The yardarm, that's right.
And is the sun over the yardarm? The sun's always over the yardarm.
I never heard my father say it was early for a Bloody Mary.
Well, since I'm in California, I think I'll have a margarita.
I feel a wasted afternoon coming on.
Make it two.
Mark lectured me about earthquake preparedness all the way to the airport.
As far as he's concerned, reason and order end at the Tapanzee Bridge.
-How is Mark? -He's on cloud nine.
He got the okay for a 76-storey building for United Consolidated.
When are you two gonna get to the business of making me a great-aunt? Mark says next year.
Of course, he's been saying that for the last 10.
Admirer at 2 o'clock.
You've gotta be kidding me.
It's all coming back to me.
What it's like to go out in with Maddie Hayes.
Stop.
What is it with Mark? He doesn't want children? No, no.
He does.
He just needs to think about it.
You know, a typical Mark.
He's afraid if we really go through with it, it'll mean we really are married instead of just living together in holy matrimony.
Here's to enlightened women and the enlightenment of men.
To us.
-I stopped seeing my therapist today.
-Congratulations.
David and I are actually approaching a manageable relationship.
We have our own lives.
Separate but equal.
You're better off without him.
I caught his act in the elevator.
-I'm better off without him.
-You have to make the decision to get out there and get back in the saddle again.
I know.
But this time I'm holding out for an adoring, gorgeous, faithful hard-working, wonderful human being who has at least an eight-cylinder Rolls-Royce.
While you're waiting for the Messiah, why not put Mr.
Two o'clock out of his misery and invite him over to our table? Is my little cousin procuring for me now? -Yes.
-Annie.
-Anyway, he looks married.
-I'll be right back.
-Where are you going? -Fly-by.
-Hitched.
-You are terrible.
-Recently, still shiny.
-I told you.
You're not gonna let that stand in your way.
What was that guy's name, the one who lived on Park Avenue? -Oh, Anthony.
-Anthony.
But he really wasn't married.
He just had a wife.
-Are you ladies ready to order? -Not just yet.
We'd like to send a drink to that gentlemen at that table over there.
-Something with flames.
-Annie.
Lots of fruit.
And one of those little parasols with my friend's telephone number on it.
it's 557-- it's been along time since we played elevator.
I'm setting a great example.
Stumbling in from a liquid lunch with my old roommate.
What, the boss lady isn't allowed to have a good time now and then? Well.
Ms.
Hayes? I have Herbert on the phone.
He needs to talk to you.
Oh, I'm sorry, Agnes.
it's not you.
I'll take it in my office.
I'll see you later.
I'm sorry, it's not you.
Hello? Mr.
Viola? Hello? -Mr.
Viola? -He's really not on the phone.
I needed to talk to you in private.
I didn't wanna say anything out there.
-What's the matter, Agnes? -Well, it's Herbert.
Since Addison handed over the Sapperman case to him he's been like Elliot Ness handling the Capone investigation.
What's the Sapperman case? Run-of-the-mill, marital infidelity, kids stuff.
He's waving it in MacGi icuddy's face like a red flag.
I'd hate to see this end in another duel.
Thank you.
I'll take care of it.
Why am I holding this phone? Thanks, Ms.
Hayes.
So you two guys had a really nice time at lunch? We let our hair down a little.
Your cousin seems really neat.
Yeah, she's a sweetheart.
-How about this? -Oh, nice.
I thought we were going dancing.
Well, this would be perfect for dancing.
In a wake.
All right, wait a minute, wait a minute.
Okay.
-How about this little number? -You know, it gets cold in L.
A.
at night.
Yeah, it doesn't leave much to the imagination, does it? Maddie, you really feel like going out tonight? I can't help feeling you had something else in mind.
I was thinking it's your first night here.
-I thought you would be jet-lagged.
-No, I'm looking forward to spending a night on the town with my cousin.
-Try this colour.
-Oh, that's great.
Look, not that the Junior League bake sale isn't a howl but this is the big avocado.
Now, I thought first we could catch Sean Penn beating on the paparazzi at Spago a little dancing and then maybe head over to Mr.
Hefner's.
A night with David is not gonna be nearly as intellectually stimulating.
Pass me the clear mascara, thanks.
If it's awkward between the two of you, then let's just stay home.
-We could play Scrabble.
-Oh, no, no, David and I are fine.
I'm just worried about you.
I'm not sure you need a full dose of this guy.
Well, he seems harmless enough.
Well, he's not harmless, he's toxic, carcinogenic.
He's lethal.
He only asked us to go dancing.
How much trouble can we possibly get into? You don't know David.
He's not normal.
He seems like he is, but he isn't.
One moment he's waltzing you around, the next moment you look down see the mirror on his shoe.
-You sound afraid of this guy.
-I'm not afraid of him.
I just know him.
Look maybe this isn't such a great idea.
I don't want you to feel uncomfortable.
And I should get a good night's sleep.
Look, I just have too much history with him, that's all.
I'm sure he'll be on his best behaviour.
We'll have a great time.
What time is he supposed to pick us up? -Eight o'clock? -it's quarter to 8.
Can't be him.
He's the kind of guy who's never seen the opening credits of a movie.
Harem Scarem Escorts.
David Addison at your service.
Okay, the ground rules.
No mud wrestling.
No pasty shows.
I don't wanna find myself in some wet T-shirt contest so you can drink free beer.
What's the matter with you? Do you think I'm gonna pick my nose? I promise I'll be on my best behaviour.
Better not have anything up your sleeve.
Why don't you get dressed? And I'll mix myself a little cocktail.
There's fruit juice in the refrigerator.
I don't want fruit juice.
it's gonna be the three of us? Annie and I are tired.
Gonna be a short night.
Well, I'll have you both in bed by 10, I promise.
Hi.
Hi.
Do I look okay? -Yeah, you look good.
-Thank you for the flowers.
Don't tell Maddie, but I picked them out of her garden.
Been a while since I got to steer this around the floor.
David, you can even make nostalgia sound pornographic.
Yeah, I'm pretty good at that, ain't I? -How's Angie doing? -Annie.
Annie.
Oh, yeah.
She over her crush on me yet? -Yeah, right.
-I don't think she likes me.
She's a perceptive person.
You've been a little standoffish yourself tonight.
Well, I got this rash I'm trying to clear up.
I'm just kidding.
I'm on my best behaviour, so I don't embarrass you in front of the family.
I appreciate that.
it's sweet of you to give up two precious hours of debauchery to show us a good time.
Well, you know, I figure it's the least I could do.
We ought to make a point of doing this more often.
-No, thanks.
-Yeah, you're right.
You know, we should be really proud of ourselves.
-For what? -For everything we've been through.
Most couples would have murdered each other by now.
Murder? Now, why didn't I think of that? David, you'd be very popular in prison.
Oh, I'd be quite popular in prison.
They'd make me the prom queen.
No, thank you.
I'm happy.
If I'm gonna dance with somebody I'm very happy to be here dancing with you.
-How about you, are you happy? -Yeah, I guess I'm happy.
-At least I'm not sad.
-Good.
Look at that couple, David.
In love.
Enjoying each other's company.
-it's so civilized.
I envy that.
-Yeah, I know you do.
What was that? Mr.
Addison.
Forgive my interrupting, but there's a big break in the Sapperman case.
-What are you doing here, Mr.
Viola? -I've got everything here, on videotape.
Mrs.
Sapperman, in flagrante, entering hot-tub heaven.
Will you get out of here? I know this is a bad time, but I think you're really gonna wanna see this.
This will just take one quick moment for me to get this all cued up here.
Sorry, I don't believe we've met.
Special agent Viola, heading the Sapperman investigation.
Burt, can't this wait? Ordinarily, I'd say yes.
But we may wanna make our move tonight.
Wait until you see this.
The suspect, exiting a car registered to her loving albeit victimized, stooge of a husband.
it's right here somewhere.
Driven down the right-field line.
If it's a fair, it's trouble at Shea-- A brand new 14-piece dinette set from Tracyware.
In a minute.
-Would you like to dance? -In one second maybe.
Let me get this cued up.
There's a yellow line at-- Hey, thanks, everybody.
Hey, we're gonna take a break now.
We'll be back in about 20 minutes to play our last set.
Wait a minute.
Wait a minute.
Here it is.
Where the hell is Mrs.
Sapperman? Is Maddie asleep? -Can I ask you a question? -Yeah.
-What is that? -The Los Angeles River.
Why is it paved? Here we go, old-timer.
-Get you to bed.
-I can make it.
I had a great time.
Appreciate it.
You don't want me to help you get undressed? -Oh, David.
Good night, Annie.
-Good night.
Listen, I should probably get going.
You know where I can find a 17th-century French slave for my foyer? It just so happens to happen that I'm getting rid of one.
-No foyer? -No foyer.
I just can't believe this.
I mean, nobody can live like this.
The draperies are always matching the couch.
There's always some sort of ceramic dog in the room.
The magazines are lined up, alphabetized on the coffee table in a straight line.
-it's just so .
-So much like this place.
Very scary.
-That's not very nice, David.
-You're right.
That's not very nice at all.
What? Nothing.
Nothing.
Would you like something to drink? Yes.
-I would like some coffee.
-Decaf? Caf is all right.
-You stay here.
I'll get it.
-No, no, let me.
Coffee is one thing that I do well.
So the girls and I were in Paris, right? We convinced the chaperon that we have to go on this tour Forbidden Paris.
Doing some paper on changing roles of women in society or something.
So we hit every strip joint in Pigalle.
Okay, so the chaperon has a few, right, at every stop.
He gets juiced, gets rolled.
Loses all of our money, which we'd given to him for safekeeping.
And then what happens? He pukes on one of the girls.
We've gotta get out of this place.
What do we do? I'm an American in Paris.
I gotta get us out of there.
I'm up on the stage.
I'm doing my thing.
Start getting a little brave.
-I get booed off the stage.
-Oh, no.
Yes.
I mean, I get down to the jogging bra and breathe and that was it.
Over.
Oh, that is the saddest story I have ever heard.
Did I embarrass you? Where are we going? Right out there, where all those planes are stacking up, is the airport.
You can't see it right now, but just beyond that's the ocean.
And then there's Catalina out there, which you can see sometimes.
What's that dark patch there where there's no lights? Oh, that's where all the rich people live.
Where do you live? See right down here where all these lights are? Yeah, that's it.
Fifty, 60 years ago there was nothing here but beanfields.
Then the people started showing up.
Why did you show up? I don't know, I was in New York starving and freezing.
I figured if I was gonna starve, why not be warm.
So I came out here.
I can't figure out what I'm looking at.
It's not a city.
Definitely not Connecticut.
Yeah, it kind of looks like a place where you'd land a flying saucer.
I like L.
A.
though.
No history here.
You can kind of reinvent yourself out here.
Oh, yeah, what did you become? I don't know.
A guy who doesn't take himself too seriously.
How serious can you take things if you live in the middle of a beanfield? But I like that about you.
-You do? -Yeah, I do.
Because, you know, I mean, if I-- Like, if I took myself too seriously I would never be able to-- What? I think I was taking myself a little too seriously.
Would you like to kiss me? Yes, I would.
-David, are you sure it's safe here? -Pretty close to safe.
I'm sure those guys have guns.
Annie? What you are about to see is the home of Seymour Sapperman, my client.
And Adelaide Sapperman, Adele for short the subject of this investigation and the following colour presentation.
The surveillance spot was chosen with great care to avoid the possibility of detection at all costs.
Fortunately, I was able to maintain my cover by persuading the Sappermans' nitwit neighbours that I was a reporter from Lifestyles of the Filthy Rich.
Mrs.
Sapperman was born on August 27th, 1932 to Shmul and Helen Menmum of Ozone Park, Queens.
The Sapperman cat, Butch.
After moving to Los Angeles in 1957 Adele went to work for the accounting firm of Sapperman Sapperman, Sapperman, shown here.
This woman is not Mrs.
Sapperman.
She bears no resemblance to Mrs.
Sapperman.
However, in the interests of dramatization I thought it might be good to-- Well, forget it.
But the story does not end here.
We must look past the white-picket fence.
The lace curtains in the windows, the well-kept flower gardens.
Because behind this tranquil suburban facade there lurks a dark story of faithlessness and betrayal.
There goes Mrs.
Sapperman now in the family station wagon.
Is she going grocery shopping? Or is she going to stain something that once was pure giving herself to another man.
Letting a total stranger run his hands over the soft, white flesh that once was Seymour Sapperman's alone.
And then having slaked the carnal thirst of the beast within her-- -Mr.
Viola? -Will she return to the open arms of her loving husband? Still glistening with the sweat of another animal.
-Mr.
Viola? -Jezebel, harlot, adulteress thy name is Adele.
-Mr.
Viola.
-What? I think you're getting a little too worked up about this case.
No.
No.
As a detective, I'm as detached and dispassionate as always.
The filmmaker within me .
Oh, Agnes.
What the hell are you doing? -Good morning, David.
-Morning, Maddie.
We have to talk.
I'm gonna save about a page of dialogue, okay? Because even though I'm sure you personally find this very awkward her being a friend of yours, part of the family and all that I don't think it's any of your business.
So, I will tell you as a friend, that you should relax because nothing happened.
David.
I don't mean to pry into your life, but-- Ever notice how everything a person says before "but" is a lie? David, would you please let me finish? We certainly require a lot of attention today.
-David, please, I'm-- -Can I use the car? Yes, of course.
You need it for the stakeout.
-What stakeout? -Sapperman case.
-Sapperman case? -Sapperman case.
I told Viola he could take that case.
He's doing wonderful with it.
Don't saddle me with this nitwit Sapperman case.
Usually when a person gets a paycheque, it's for doing the job.
Great.
I quit.
Why don't you admit that you're jealous? I'm not jealous.
You should see other women.
See other women.
I don't want you to see this woman.
-That's jealous.
-David.
I know what you're going through.
You know it's over between us.
I can die now.
I heard David use "inte ectua y.
" Visualize me in the arms of another woman.
I have no problem visualizing another woman.
Any woman.
That's how indiscriminate you are.
But not with Annie.
I'm sure this all seems very complicated to you.
Complicated? David, it's wrong.
-Many reasons why I should not get-- -You know the reasons.
Make you feel better to get this off your chest.
So fire away.
You know what? -I am not listening.
I can't hear you.
-I mean, she's married.
David, I'm talking to you.
Don't go away mad.
Mr.
Viola, Mr.
Addison will be accompanying you on the Sapperman stakeout tonight.
Scratch that.
Ms.
Hayes will be your date tonight because Mr.
Addison has other plans.
Mr.
Addison will change his plans.
-Says who? -Says me.
We're partners, remember? Equal partners.
You told me-- -More equal than you are.
-You've got as much responsibility -for the investigation as I have.
-I'm assigning an operative like you.
-You have plans with Annie.
-People, please.
-I am gonna get fired for saying this.
-You're fired.
As chief investigator on a Sapperman case I cannot stand around while the two of you stand here bickering.
Plans need to be made.
Stratagems formulized.
Men and material deployed.
You're right, Mr.
Viola.
We have a business to run.
No need to carry on like 12-year-olds.
No, there's no need at all.
So I think that we should just settle this dispute in an equitable, mature, adult fashion.
-Paper wraps rock.
-Best five out of seven.
Come on, Mr.
Addison, you agreed to binding arbitration on this.
Welcome to the Sapperman investigation.
-Good night, Ms.
Hayes.
-Good night, Agnes.
-Are you okay, Ms.
Hayes? -I'm fine.
Why? -Don't I look like I'm fine? -You look fine.
-Well, have a nice evening.
-You too, Agnes.
-Not gonna have a nice evening.
-Why not? -You're not gonna have a nice evening.
-Why? Inez told Jamie and Jamie told Chris that Inez overheard MacGi icuddy tell O'Nea who heard it from Herbert that Mr.
Addison accidentally hit on your cousin last night.
-Nobody else knows, don't worry.
-Mr.
Addison didn't hit on my cousin.
-He didn't? -He didn't.
-He just kept her out late.
-Very late? -Yeah.
-Put the moves on her, huh? -Why did it have to be my relative? -Your friend.
-My mother's niece.
-Married.
-To a prince of a guy.
-Messy.
-I was the maid of honour.
-Messy.
-The way David likes it.
-Nothing happened.
Nothing happened.
Annie has too much sense for that.
-Ms.
Hayes? -What? I've been sitting at that desk most of my adult life, watching you two interact.
And I don't think Mr.
Addison's interested in Annie.
Not really.
This is just his way of staying involved with you.
-I don't want him involved with me.
-Do you really believe that? I don't care what his motives are.
I just know this isn't right.
Well, you have two choices.
You can shake a stern finger at him like his mom or his third grade teacher or another person he'd love not to listen to-- Or? We can take Chinese food over to the stakeout.
And tell Mr.
Addison and Herbert what a great job they're doing on the Sapperman case.
How did you get to be such a student of human nature? One day I realized that everything's psychological if you think about it.
Charming place.
Herbert took me here for our anniversary last year.
He didn't.
He did.
Neither of us got a wink of sleep.
Terrified there was gonna be an earthquake.
The mirror over our bed was gonna smash and kill him.
So we wound up sleeping in the bathtub.
He still has to see a chiropractor.
-Maddie.
-David.
I'm undercover.
What are you guys doing down here? -We brought dinner.
-Moo shu pork, duck.
Oh, no.
Twice-diced mice.
My stomach, all the blood goes to it.
Look, get out of here or we're gonna blow our cover.
Food's getting cold, I'm starving, and I don't wanna be seen-- But Mr.
Viola-- I get the picture.
-Not in the mood for moo shu.
-We ought to clear the air here.
-You don't owe me an explanation.
-You don't owe her any explanation.
Right.
You don't owe her an explanation.
-I was going to tell you about this-- -See what you get for snooping-- I was doing my job while you and my cousin, the sugar tart-- -Sugar tart? -Why don't you get dressed? What--? -That was different, huh? -It was different.
Mrs.
Sapperman's room.
-So this is him.
-Don't shoot.
Will you stop that, Seymour? David, are you okay? Who are all these people? I've never seen them before in my life.
David Addison.
Blue Moon Investigation.
My partner Madelyn Hayes.
-Hi.
-Hi, I'm Annie.
Blue Moon? That's Herbie Viola's firm.
My back.
I don't understand, Seymour.
Do you know something about this? Your husband hired us to follow you.
Find out if you were cheating.
Seems to be a lot of that going around these days.
Excuse me if you're Seymour Sapperman, what are you doing here? Brilliant question, Agnes.
I got to thinking.
I-- I couldn't stand the thought of Adele with anyone else but me.
I decided to end it all right here, right now, once and for all.
Seymour that is so romantic.
-You really had me followed? -I hope Mark isn't romantic.
There's no reason that Mark needs to know about this.
-Who's Mark? -Her husband.
-Your husband? -My husband.
I knew that.
-I really do feel kind of bad.
-Don't feel bad, honey.
Maybe I should go talk to her.
I'll wait till morning, straighten it out then.
There's nothing to straighten.
Come on, that had to have been difficult on her back there.
That's right.
At the slightest hint that any human being could be enjoying themselves, things become very difficult for her.
-Should've told you about Mark.
-All right.
-What you're getting into.
-I know what I'm getting into.
Look, if you wanna talk about marriage or do a reality check or something I'll be happy to listen.
But you don't owe me any accounting for what happened before.
-It doesn't bother you that I'm married? -No.
It does not.
Maybe I'm just an old-fashioned guy.
Things are gonna start getting complicated.
No, they're not gonna get complicated.
You like chilidogs.
I like chilidogs.
I don't see any problems.
You laugh at all my stupid jokes.
Our bodies fit together very nicely.
-You're easy to be around.
-You're easy.
Oh, you're terrible.
-And a very sexy man.
-That's right, I'm a very sexy man.
That's right.
See? Oh, I love this song.
Turn it up.
That's the first time those words were spoken in this car? Now, you should lighten up on her.
I've known Maddie for along time and she can be a lot of laughs.
Oh, God.
The one thing Maddie Hayes is not is a lot of laughs.
She's not even one laugh.
Occasionally, she may be a giggle.
Well.
Where do you wanna go? -How about a hotel.
-I like that thinking.
We let someone else worry about the laundry.
No, I think I should stay alone tonight.
it's been a confusing couple of days.
-Are you sure? -Yeah, I'm sure.
Okay.
Hi.
I'm sorry.
I must've fallen asleep.
I let myself in.
I hope you don't mind.
Why would I mind? -What are you doing here? -I don't know.
I'm not sure.
-I guess I wanted to talk.
-it's very late and I'm very tired.
-If you don't mind-- -I'm not looking for an argument.
I don't wanna argue with you.
All I wanna do is get some sleep.
Then I'll just say my piece.
You try to listen.
And then I'll go.
That's all I ask.
It's a democracy.
Shoot.
David, you and I have been a lot of things to each other.
Partners, friends, lovers, enemies.
Oh, I rehearsed this all in the car and now it sounds so dumb.
Let me get this straight.
You're not sure why you're here.
You were rehearsing what you were not sure you were gonna say? Look, David, I'm worried about Annie.
Good night.
Thank you very much for coming by.
-Wonderful to see you.
-You and I both know the game.
Annie's gonna end up beaten and bruised and not know what hit her.
Why? Because you wanna get back at me for who knows what reason.
I got a little news flash for you here.
This is not about you, okay? This has absolutely nothing to do with you.
And that is why you're here in the middle of the night.
That drives you nuts.
I must be nuts for thinking that you would listen to reason.
Fine.
Get out of my bed.
I have no interest in being in your bed.
I'm so sorry you're so selfish.
And I'm sorry you're so mad at me.
I'm not mad at you.
Matter of fact, I'm not mad at anybody.
As a matter-of-fact fact, I'm very happy.
I feel great.
I'm sorry that makes you so upset.
Now, if you don't mind, I would like you to leave.
David-- I'm sorry.
Annie, wait a minute.
Hey, hey, Annie.
Hey.
You wanna do me a favour put the lights out on your way out? No problem.