Search Party (2016) s05e10 Episode Script

1 [CHOIR VOCALIZING.]
[RETCHING.]
[BOTH GROWL.]
- Don't eat the beans! - Don't eat the beans! Zombies! Zombies! Dory! Hey! Watch it! Hey! Get off of me! What the hell is wrong with you? [RAVE MUSIC.]
[LOW GROWLS.]
- Stop it! - I can't hold 'em back! [INDISTINCT CHATTER.]
Put her down, man.
Put her down.
Hey! Hey, hey.
Help! Someone help me! [GROWLS AND SCREAMS.]
- Hey.
- Hey.
- What is happening? - I don't know.
Everybody is freaking out.
Let's get out of here! [SCREAMS.]
- Oh, my God! - What is happening? - Run! Run! - Run! - What - Fucking run! Right here! Right over here.
Okay.
Okay.
I think we should just go back to my place.
What is going on? Why is everybody acting like that? Maybe we should have had them form a line so things could have been a little more orderly.
- Yeah.
- God, it's the pills, babe.
They turn people into Into zombies.
- [DISTANT SCREAMS.]
- What? - Zombies.
- What do you mean? - Zombies.
Zombies.
- Zombies, Drew.
The people that eat the other people.
They got Winnie, Winnie got Luz.
And then, she bit Helen, and Helen's on top of the car.
And then, Helen.
And then - Okay, okay.
Calm down.
- No, no, no.
But this can't be, all right? 'Cause we ate the pills.
I mean, we all took them.
- Yes.
- And we felt it.
And didn't you guys feel it too? I mean, but we all did.
No, no, no.
I swapped them, Drew.
I swapped them.
They were a placebo.
- I swapped them.
- Wait.
- For real? - Elliott.
How could you have done that? Hello? Thank God I did.
Look around you right now, Dory.
My egomania saved our lives! No, no, no.
No, this is this is just crowd hysteria.
- It's not.
- I mean, the pills work.
They work.
The pills are bad, babe.
The disciples are zombies.
Everyone is gone.
And if we don't figure a fucking way out of this, we will be too.
It's over, Dor.
You did your best, but there's no such thing as enlightenment.
Just psychosis.
Hate to say, babe, but you did it again.
Except it's way worse this time.
[CLATTERS.]
- Oh, my God! - Whoa! Shit.
Hello? - [GROWLS.]
- Okay Excuse me.
Are you okay? [GROWLING.]
- [WHIMPERS.]
- Oh, my God.
- [ROARS.]
- [SCREAMS.]
- [GROWLS.]
- [YELPS.]
[CLATTERS.]
Oh, my God.
- Oh, God.
- Great job.
- Ah! - Great job.
Great job.
- [LAUGHTER.]
- Yeah.
I'm raising chickens.
- Oh, my God.
In the city? - Yes.
I built a coop under my bed with my uncle.
It is sublime.
I'm having fresh eggs every single day.
- Everyone, run! - God, that sounds so good.
- Mm-hmm.
- The dead are coming! - What are they talking about? - I don't know.
It's probably some, like, street theater troupe.
Just don't make eye contact.
- I don't want to tip them.
- Help! Help! - I'm not bit! - I'm not no.
Oh, my God.
[ALL GROWLING.]
- Sir, we're eating.
- [SCREAMS.]
This neighborhood is changing.
- [KISSING.]
- [GIGGLES.]
Yeah.
[SENSUAL MUSIC.]
Jesus, you are adorable.
Should we be together forever? [LAUGHTER.]
- Marc! - Elliott? What are you doing dancing with some strange man in our home? Mourning my loss? I thought you were dead.
I thought all of you were dead.
Well, we're not, and I'm glad to know it takes you three fucking days to move on.
- Why was the door open? - Was it? Do you have any idea what's happening out there, Marc? I'm gonna leave now, but if your husband ever dies again, please call me.
- [CHUCKLES.]
Okay.
- Oh, my God.
- Okay, go.
- Oh, my God.
- Stop it.
- Get out.
- Bye.
- Bye.
So rude and disrespectful.
- Guys, come check this out.
- Charmless.
Brooklyn, New York, is under siege by an unidentified contagious personality disorder.
Authorities are encouraging residents to evacuate as this new trend of psychosis is aggressive and spreading at an alarming rate.
What do we do? Should we try to get out of Brooklyn, or just hide here? - No, I wanna stay here.
- I feel really safe here.
It has never been safe here.
- Wait, where is Aspen? - In his room.
He's been up there all day playing with his abacus.
There's no way it could be spreading this fast, right? - [GROWLING.]
- Drew, look out! [ALL SCREAM.]
Why is he obsessed with me? - Go! - Run! Run, run, run! [ROARS.]
- [DISTANT SCREAMS.]
- He's eating my cat! He's eating my cat! What? [CAT MEOWS.]
[SCREAMS AND GROWLS.]
This is truly worst-case scenario.
- But where do we go? - To the bridge.
It's the only way out.
They're sealing off the borough, so you gotta get there fast.
It's honestly kind of exciting.
- Which bridge? - Oh, oh, it's the one with the oh, God.
It's got all this stuff.
You know, you take it to go to the city.
- That could be any them.
- Oh, oh, I know what it is.
You know which one it is [SCREAMS.]
The bridge.
Go.
Go.
Go.
Go.
Go.
- Oh, my God.
- Oh, my God.
[PANTING.]
Oh, shit.
Give me a second.
I don't feel good.
Oh, I guess I should not be running on a belly full of jelly beans.
[TENSE MUSIC.]
What did you just say? - I said I need a second.
- [STOMACH GURGLING.]
Marc, where did you get jelly beans? They were in a baggy on the ground.
I think they fell out of your pocket.
It's fine, though.
Five-second rule.
- They weren't dirty.
- Oh, Marc, honey.
Okay.
Sorry I ate them.
When I get hungry, I eat.
Jesus.
Is that a crime? Marc, how many did you eat? I don't know, Drew.
Eight? - They weren't good.
- Oh, honey.
You're gonna turn into a zombie.
What? And honestly, maybe like Like a super zombie.
- No, that's not fair.
- I know.
I was gonna go back to school.
[RETCHES.]
[ALL SCREAM.]
[COUGHING.]
[GROWLING.]
[PANTING.]
What are you looking at? [WEAKLY.]
Nothing.
Just my beautiful life partner.
I have never been enough for you, have I? [WHEEZING.]
You all have never made me feel included.
No, we love you, Marc.
We love you.
It's normal to not let your friend's partner feel included.
[GROWLS.]
It's time to die.
[ROARS.]
[TIRES SQUEAL.]
[ALL SCREAM.]
You've crashed.
Doors open.
- [GROWLS AND SCREAMS.]
- Oh, my God! [SUSPENSEFUL MUSIC.]
[GROWLING AND SCREAMING.]
Help! Help! [GUNFIRE.]
[ALL SCREAM.]
Go to the Williamsburg Bridge! Go, go, go, go! [ALARMS WAILING.]
This way.
Show us your eyes.
Let me see your eyes.
- Oh, my God.
Wait, no! - What? - Men first! - It's Gavin.
- Men first.
- Who? - It should be men first.
- Chantal's ex.
Oh, my God, that was the worst night of my life.
His tongue tasted like old ice cream and eggs.
Why is no one listening? Hey, Drew! Drew! Dory! Elliott! - Let me see your eyes, okay? - Portia! - Not us.
Bye.
- No, no, no.
Sorry.
- No.
No.
You've been maimed.
- What? You have to go distance yourself immediately.
- No, that's just a scrape.
- Portia, come on! Stay back! No, no, no.
Her eyes.
There's no life in them.
She's brain-dead.
- What? - This woman has no brain.
[SOBBING.]
Yes, I do! No, she's a completely brain-dead moron.
- You gotta get her out here.
- No.
No.
No.
- Get her outta here! - No, no! I'm just leggy! I'm just leggy, Dory! She's fine! Let her go! - Keep it moving! - Dory! Dory! - No, Portia! - Portia! Just go.
I'll figure - Portia! - [INDISTINCT SCREAMING.]
Portia! I love you! Guys, guys, I love you! [INDISTINCT WAILING.]
We left her? We just we just left her.
[DRAMATIC MUSIC.]
No.
No, we can't leave anyone behind.
Portia! all: Portia! I'm not one of them! Please, I swear! I'm not one of them! - I'm not! - Portia! - I'm not one of them! - Hey! - Hey! - Drew! Ahh! Stop! Oh, my God.
- Oh, my God! - Let's go! - Save me! - Come on now! Oh, my God! - [ALL BREATHING HEAVILY.]
- Shit.
Where are we going, you guys? Maybe we should find a boat? There's no other way off this island! Maybe there's a pier right here, right? This way.
Come on.
[GROWLING.]
[ALL SCREAMING.]
Abort! Oh, my God! - Okay.
Okay.
- There's zombies everywhere! What do we do? [GROWLING.]
I think we're done.
[BOTH YELP.]
- Holy fuck! - Oh, my God! Wait, over there! [ALL SHOUTING AT ONCE.]
[ALL CHEERING.]
Lift the gate and go down.
Go, go, go! Oh, God, oh, God, oh, God, oh, God, oh, God! I'm getting so old! [SCREAMS.]
Oh, my God.
Oh, God.
[ALL PANTING.]
Who are you? I'm the person that just saved your ass.
Welcome to the only safe place in New York City.
I was given a key to this space by my wise mentor and wife, Liquorice Montague.
There's gonna be a lot of time traveling in the next few decades, and this is the safest hub for it 'cause the number one danger of time travel is ending up in the middle of a wall that got built in that spot.
You don't wanna suddenly materialize in the middle of a wall.
Lucky for us, no new walls will ever be built down here.
Honestly, I'll believe anything at this point.
Find a spot.
Settle in.
I'll be coming by with dinner before it's lights out.
I hope you guys like Kind Bars.
[SCOFFS.]
Did you save all these people? It's only right.
I I didn't do what I should have done when I had the chance, and now the world is ending because of me.
No.
The world is ending because of me.
[SCOFFS.]
No.
The world is ending because of me.
No.
The world is ending because of me.
Okay, you've always had delusions of grandeur.
[LAUGHS.]
[SCOFFS.]
Did you guys get fruit leather? I didn't get fruit leather, but Some fucking faggot has fruit leather in his bag.
Oh, my God.
Elliott Goss? Is that you? Oh, my God, Janet? Hi.
[LAUGHS.]
How are you? I'm so good.
It is so cozy in here, isn't it? This is crazy.
How are you? - I'm good.
I'm good.
- Are you still at Petunia's? I am, thank you very much for asking, but, you know, who knows what's gonna happen after all this, right? Yeah.
Right.
God.
[LAUGHS.]
Yeah, I'm just glad we're in this together, right? - That is what I think.
- Thank you! Oh, my God.
Anyway, can we please, just, like, you and me, can we get together for a coffee, finally? - 100%.
I would love that.
- Okay.
- Yeah.
- I can't believe it.
I know this guy! Isn't this crazy? - Oh, my God.
- [LAUGHS.]
- She's psycho.
- Unbelievable.
Do you guys think that the world is gonna end? No, Drew.
Okay? No.
We have, like, a whole government to protect us.
Plus, I think this thing isn't gonna move past Brooklyn.
It's all these, like, rich bitches just passing it back and forth.
I don't know.
This could be catastrophic.
You know what, guys? This is, like, the ultimate test to sort of trust that you're just in the exact right place that the universe wants you to be in, you know? Mm-hmm.
Right, Dor? Yeah.
I don't know.
I mean, how do you know anything? [SOMBER MUSIC.]
I just I just-I just wanted to I-I just I just wanted to I just wanted [WISTFUL PIANO MUSIC.]
The sun will come out tomorrow Bet your bottom dollar that tomorrow There'll be sun Just thinking about tomorrow Clears away the cobwebs and the sorrow Till there's none Tomorrow, tomorrow I love ya tomorrow You're always a day Away Yeah! [APPLAUSE.]
- Brava! - Thank you.
- Brava! - Thank you.
Thank you.
- So good.
- You're all too kind.
This performance is actually dedicated to Dory and Drew, who just tied the knot.
Ah, seriously, you guys, I am so happy for you.
I honestly couldn't even picture a better couple ever.
- Aww, thanks, Porshe.
- That was beautiful.
- Thank you.
- And who else can say they have a wedding ring that's actually from the Natural History Museum? Well, anything for my beautiful bride.
- Hey.
- Perfect.
Elliott.
I hate to say it, you guys, but I'm thinking about moving to LA.
- What? - What? And leave me? I mean, you all are killing it.
You guys just got married.
You're on Broadway.
New York just doesn't feel like home anymore.
I'm tired of seeing the same 13,000 people over and over.
It just feels like high school.
- Mm-hmm.
- Yeah, but isn't LA smaller? It's, like, 11,000.
Yeah, but everyone knows about us here.
I'm tired of being the subject of everyone's whispers, you know.
Well, if that's something that's gonna make you happy then you should explore that.
Mm-hmm.
Hi.
Hi.
Hi.
[MACHINE CHIMES.]
Thank you.
[MACHINE CHIMES.]
Have a beautiful day.
[MACHINE CHIMES.]
[MACHINE CHIMES.]
Should we stay somewhere nice tonight? Ooh, I just heard that they sanitized the Ritz.
Maybe we could break in there.
Aww, have fun doing that, you two cuties.
- Whoo! - [LAUGHS.]
Let's go! [GRUNTS.]
Is that Gail? - [GROWLING.]
- Yeah.
[ROARS.]
That's so sad.
Guys, she was so cool.
She was.
[TRUCK WHIRS.]
[DOOR SLAMS.]
[ENGINE TURNS OVER, FADES.]
Ugh, don't look.
I hate that wall.
Yeah.
It is what it is.
[SOLEMN MUSIC.]
[PURITY RING'S "OBEDEAR".]
Oh, but dear, the sky is low Gather up its harm and gods with grateful arms Oh, but dear, the sky is low Gather up its harm And gods with grateful arms [COUGHS.]