The Secret Life of the American Teenager s05e10 Episode Script
Regrets
GRACE: Previously on The Secret Life of the American Teenager It wasn't easy to find a couple that I liked.
I'm just looking out for you.
I can look out for myself.
So why can't you guys have kids? You slept with Alice while we were dating? It was an accident.
Oh, this creep hassled Adrian before.
What kind of creep? Some pimp on a recruiting mission.
What if the couple backs out because of you? We've got to apologize to Henry.
You're missing out.
The girls are here.
They're walking the halls.
There's a party? If you've got the money.
Do you have any idea how dangerous pimps are? If I scream, how much can you come up with? How old are you? Fifteen-year-old-girl nabbed by some guy, turned into a prostitute.
That's like treating a woman as if she's property.
I swear, I didn't do anything.
She's a kid.
You're the best husband in the world.
I'm not your husband.
We have to do something about that.
I apologize for what happened.
If you want to go out with Dylan, then may the best man win.
I'm sorry about the way I've acted.
Sometimes I don't like that couple either.
I just have to suck it up, because they're really going to be good parents.
Whoo! (WHISTLE BLOWS) And you're live.
We're here watching Christian quarterback sensation Jack Pappas, who bravely stepped forward last week and spoke out against girls who are being trafficked, a problem he found himself coping with when hookers were brought in to the athletic dorm at this college campus.
When police arrived, Jack encouraged a 15-year-old girl to step forward and tell her story, a girl who was since reunited with her family.
I'm doing well, thank you.
Hope we're getting ready to win the big game this weekend.
So, Jack, I understand that you're a Christian, or is this just a play to get some publicity for the school by mimicking Tebow? Oh, I could only hope to mimic Tim Tebow.
He's a good man.
He's a good example for anyone involved in sports.
So, in fact, you are a Christian? I am.
And I understand your girlfriend, who's a high school senior, is also a Christian.
Come on over here, Grace.
Yeah, she is, in fact, she's really responsible for my being who I am.
More so than your dad who's a minister? Yeah.
Hi Grace, it's Grace, isn't it? Yes, it is.
Were you surprised that your boyfriend here was caught with a prostitute in his room? Well, that doesn't sound like what happened, now does it? The girl approached me, she was panicked, she was trying to meet a quota for the night.
I didn't know about these things, she told me.
Anyway, she practically begged me to hire her, but I couldn't.
I was going to give her whatever cash I had on me to keep her from going to anyone else, and about that time, the police arrived, and because she was underage and in a lot of danger, I encouraged her to tell the police so she could get back home safe to her family.
So as Christians, I guess the two of you don't believe in premarital sex, do you? Do we believe that it exists? Yes.
Do we believe it's the best thing for us at this point in our relationship? No.
So you two, you've never had sex with each other? Well, we had sex before, a couple of years ago, and it was great, but as it turned out, it wrecked our relationship.
(MUTTERING) On camera.
We are on camera, Fortunately, we got back together and saw the light and now I'm committed to abstinence for the time being.
Good luck with that.
And good luck with the big game next weekend.
Well, I wasn't expecting to uncover the best part of the story.
Unintentional scoop.
Back to you in the newsroom.
What the hell were you thinking? Cut.
Falling in love is such an easy thing to do Birds can do it We can do it Let's stop talking Let's get to it Let's fall in love Watch where you're going! Yeah.
I'll do that.
Good advice for anyone.
What does that mean? Nothing, just making your mean something.
nishment Like watch out for where you're going in life.
I'm not going anywhere! Yeah, I'm afraid that might be true.
You may one of those girls who is smart and works hard in high school and has plans and dreams of going to college and getting a degree in medicine and becoming a doctor, only she gets involved with some football player, falls in love, gets pregnant and ends up not going to college until the children are grown and she's divorced from the husband and has to make her own living.
How long have you been holding that in? Not that long.
Okay, well, I will be going to college and becoming a doctor, skipping med camp to wreck my life.
(SIGHS ANGRILY) (MUTTERING) to med camp! Ugh! go Saw you on the morning news! Did they, um Did they play the whole thing? You mean the part where you said, "What the hell are you doing?" after the part where Jack had said in high school? I'm always here if you want to talk.
Wendy's dad just pulled her out of school? What! Oh, yeah, she is out as of today and he's putting her back in another private school not want her here, and doesn't want her hanging out with us anymore.
Well, that's insulting! What did we do? Where should I begin? Let me see Oh! We got busted for pot! She wasn't smoking, we were.
She was with us.
So? So it wasn't the first time.
We've gotten caught before.
He doesn't know about before, it can't be the pot.
Maybe it could be the fire, the possibility you and Ben burned down the school.
No, we didn't, it was a faulty gas line.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, whatever.
It was a faulty gas line or someone's rich daddy got the authorities to lie.
My dad would never do that.
Yeah, he would.
And so would Ben's.
But neither of them did.
Is that what people think? I don't know, but maybe that's what Cop Pop thinks.
And maybe Wendy's dad knows something we don't.
Oh, that's ridiculous.
No one paid anyone off, it was an accident.
Well, the headline in the newspaper about Jack being involved with a hooker really sent him over the line.
We don't have anything to do with that, with Jack or with Oh, yeah, Raven dated Jack.
But he saved that hooker! Go back to Raven dated Jack.
We've all been around Jack, and he is in visiting Grace ande Well, hookers are dangerous.
Drugs, arson, hookers and pimps, I think it all added up yanked out of school.
I'm late called my mom.
s dad And he's going Mercedes,our dad, and he's going to call your mom and dad, Dylan.
Because? Because? (SIGHS) Because he didn't from her friends,y away but he's sending her to an all girl's school.
(SIGHS) If our parents send us to an all girl's school, I may never see Ben again.
Or Henry.
I vote Henry.
Dylan? What? If he doesn't want her to hang out with us, they're not going to send us to the same school as her.
There are plenty of private girl's schools, maybe he has a list.
I'm not going to another school, I don't care what my parents say, I'm staying right here.
So are you going out with her or not? Uh, I asked her out, she turned me down.
Are you going out with her? Truthfully, only to get back at you and Alice.
You don't like Dylan? It's not that I don't like her, it's just that I never should have broken up with Alice and then I never would have slept with Adrian and you never would have slept with Alice and then our lives would not be so screwed up! (SIGHS) Or we could have waited until we were out of high school to have sex.
Too late for that.
(CHUCKLES) Hello.
Oh.
Uh Hello.
Did you get any interesting mail lately? No.
I got a copy of a letter of acceptance for you to a school that I always wanted to go to.
Hudson University in New York.
Really? Congratulations.
That's an early acceptance.
And that probably means you're going to have several choices by next spring because that's a tough school to get into.
That makes me very happy.
(CHUCKLES) It wasn't my first choice, but that makes me very happy.
What was your first choice? Whatever school Amy Juergens Underwood gets into.
And don't tell me to just let go of Amy.
I'm sick of people telling me to let go of Amy.
I don't want to let go of Amy.
I know I can't have a real relationship with anybody else until I do, but every relationship I've ever been in has just been to kill time until my turn comes around again, and it will, I know it will.
(GRUNTS IN FRUSTRATION) I'm not afraid of falling in love with you.
I know, Ethan.
I thought about it, and I'm afraid.
I'm afraid you'd only fall in love with me because I'm pregnant.
I'm afraid you won't be so in love with me when I'm not pregnant, and when I don't have a baby.
I like you, but come on, it's weird that you like me.
I more than like you, and I would more than like you if you weren't having a baby.
Are you kidding me? Remember, I was attracted to you from the back.
I didn't even see that you were pregnant.
The baby has nothing to do with it.
I'm sorry, but I just think it would be better if you and I don't see each other again until after the baby comes.
Oh.
So you just decided.
It's not even up for discussion.
This is not your idea! I know it's not your idea! It's that stupid couple's idea! + I think that's nice.
Amy wanted to have 50 people, that's 49, but I like having an odd number of people at tables.
I do too, that puts all the parents at one table, you and George and Margaret, and Shaker and Nora plus the bride and groom.
Oh, wait a minute, you know what's wrong with this? George is gonna bring Kathleen.
Oh.
And then you'll want to bring a date, so we put the bride and groom at their own little table and voila, we're back to seven at the table.
The only problem being I probably won't have a date, I haven't had one yet anyway.
You need to get out and meet some people.
Oh, I don't really know any of your people.
Not anyone I'd introduce you to anyway.
(CELL PHONE RINGING) Oh.
Sorry.
That's the nurse in assisted care, I got to take this.
Come on, it's pretty funny.
No, it's not going to be that funny when she gets here.
That was really stupid of Jack.
You got to give it to the guy, he was just being honest, going off the top of his head, wasn't editing anything for the public.
Well, maybe he should have.
Nah, he came off really well, like a 19-year-old-guy who's trying to do the right thing.
And Grace was cute, it's kind of sweet that she was so embarrassed.
Well, I just hope it all goes away quickly.
I doubt that.
It's probably going to be picked up by every news and sports show in the country.
Oh, no! That can't happen! Grace will be completely humiliated.
Why? Because, she doesn't want people to know she had sex in high school! She shouldn't care what people think.
She's doing the right thing now, so George, it's all my fault.
I can't believe I went along with Marshall on making her wear that stupid promise ring.
I mean, it just made sex so appealing to her! I think sex is pretty appealing on its own and ultimately, all you can do is tell 'em how you feel about having sex while they're in high school and then they have to decide, it's their decision.
Yeah, but do you never feel guilty about Amy getting pregnant? I mean, you never question whether you should have tald to her more or not given her so much freedom or anything like that? Yeah, I felt a little guilty but really, I couldn't have gone to band camp with her and sat in on her make-out session with Ricky and stopped the two of them.
Maybe I could have talked to her more about waiting to have sex, but it really wasn't my fault, I can only be responsible for myself.
I love Amy and Ashley and Robie, but when it comes down to it, I wish I'd just picked up my socks.
Aw.
George, I wish I'd just picked up your socks.
It really shouldn't have been that big of a deal.
So, you want to start thinking about maybe spending a night together? Yeah.
Let's do that.
Say, next weekend? Let me make the plans.
Okay.
(PHONE BEEPS) Oh.
Probably Mimsy.
Aw.
That's so sweet.
She learned to use email and she's got a Twitter account and she's on some social network and you know what she's telling everyone? What? (CHUCKLING) My mother is emailing and texting and tweeting everyone in the country that I'm gay! Well, bless her little pea-picking heart.
Maybe you'll get a date for the wedding.
What was that idiot nurse thinking in teaching all of these old people how to email and text and tweet? That they need cyber-friends because their families don't spend time with them? I spend time with my mother! I see her almost every day! Oh, I know, I'm just saying old people get lonely and it may not be such a bad thing.
No, it's a bad thing, I know it's a bad thing.
Let's just take a "we'll see" attitude, all right? You need friends, girlfriends, lesbian girlfriends.
Talk to Nora.
I don't think Nora has a lot of friends, and she doesn't know anyone else to introduce me to.
Else, pray tell? Nora set me up once, but it didn't work out.
I ran into my old boyfriend at the bar and took off.
I can't ask Nora to fix me up again.
And, geez, I wish I had never told my mother anything.
She doesn't even know who I am half the time.
Okay, well, are we done here? No.
I want to have something to show to Amy.
We are not done here.
Okay.
So, flowers.
Yes, flowers.
Any particular kind? Oh! Of course.
You meant what kind.
What says, "I don't really want to be married, "but I had a baby in high school, "so I got married "and now we're getting married again "because my mother wants me to, "even though she is gay and can't find a date"? Thistle? (ELEVATOR DINGS) (LAUGHING) (CHUCKLING) Hello.
How was lunch? Lunch was good.
What's so funny? Oh, Anne's mother.
She's a riot.
Oh, yeah? Listen to this.
"40-year-old lesbian with three children, "18, 17 and two, don't ask, "looking for a date, not good with long-term relationships, "neurotic, can't cook, "big feet, small heart, newly gay, "has her own business and plenty of dough.
" Hilarious! Hi-larious.
(LAUGHING) Okay.
Oh.
Did you want to tell me something? Yeah.
Go get in the car, the driver's waiting.
We're going to a wedding.
We'll stop by and pick up Ben.
Your wedding? I'm going to be a witness? Oh, my God! Leo! Oh, congratulations! Okay.
Well, save it for after the "I do's.
" Oh.
Let's go.
Yeah, yeah.
+ Okay, got to run, got an emergency.
An emergency of the good kind.
(CHUCKLES) I got class! I'll just be gone for an hour, hand it over to Smiley over here or put a sign in the door.
Wait.
Where are you going? What's a good emergency? Wouldn't you like to know? Oh.
Here's some mail for you.
Went into the shop's mailbox instead of yours.
Not for you, for your bride.
Are you leaving the state? 'Cause I'd need to know.
Bye.
(PHONE RINGING) AMY: (ON MACHINE) Hey, it's Amy.
I'm married! Leave a message.
(BEEPS) It's your husband calling.
I got an interesting piece of mail for you.
Call me when you get a chance.
(SIGHS) Hey, I need some help.
Of course.
Could you pull Ben out of class? I need him for something.
Oh? I can't tell you.
But I need him excused for the rest of the day.
Ben can tell you tomorrow.
That's not usually how it's done here, but all right.
OhHi.
I was looking for the counselor.
She'll be right back.
Yeah, you saw what you saw, all right? What'd I see? I'm having a baby.
I noticed.
None of my business.
My stupid boyfriend thinks he's Ben Boykewich or something.
Oh? Who's that? He's this idiot that fell in love with this pregnant girl as a freshman and then went a little nutty.
How so? She was having another guy's baby, a guy she's now married to, and Ben's still not over her.
He started smoking pot and burning down schools and Believe me, he's nuts.
Anyway, I just don't want that to happen to my boyfriend, you know? I don't want to ruin his life just bause I did something I shouldn't have.
You know what, sweetheart? Maybe you should let him decide that.
Let him decide whether or not he wants to get involved, if he doesn't, I'm sure he'll tell you.
I mean, he's not crazy Ben Boykewich, right? Right.
But What if he wanted to tell me he doesn't want to be involved with me, but he won't because he really just feels sorry for me and he doesn't have the guts to tell me he doesn't really want to stick around so he just does? Later, he'd just be filled with regret.
Like I am.
And I don't know.
You're too young to be filled with regret.
A rose is a rose is a rose.
And you're a rose whether you're having a baby or not, so if the man loves roses, well, he loves roses and there ain't nothin' you can do about it.
But I did do something about it, I broke up with him.
We had just gotten back together and then the couple adopting my baby suggested I break up with him, so I did.
And he so knew it.
Ugh.
What's going on? Oh.
There you are.
I got a little surprise for you.
I'll tell you in the car.
In the car? What? Come on, just go with me on this.
Oh.
Leo Boykewich.
Nice to meet you.
Take care.
You're a sweetheart for caring about what happens to the guy.
You're very considerate, probably why he's in love with you.
Bye now.
What was that about? Nothing.
Kid's all worried because some guy is in love with her.
And you told her what? That he'd be in love with her whether or not she was pregnant.
So you think I would have fallen in love with Amy whether or not she was pregnant? I thought you thought you should have discouraged me from that.
Have you learned nothing from me and my life? (LAUGHS) (SIGHS) I have learned plenty from you, Son.
Come on.
Feel like going to a wedding? Your wedding? My wedding.
Right now.
Hmm.
Mind if I bring a date or two? No, not Dylan, I was just thinking this might be the kind of opportunity that could bring Henry and Alice and me all back together.
Hurry up.
(CHUCKLES) All right, Amy, I'm leaving for school and I don't like to talk on the phone in the car, but maybe you could just leave me a message and let me know why you're getting a letter from Hudson University in New York.
I'm just curious.
(SIGHS) + (SIGHS) Hey! Where are you going? I just couldn't decide if I want coffee or not.
You just wanted to talk to Clementine and now I'm here.
No.
I heard you walked her back to her dorm.
No, you didn't.
Did you? What business is that of yours? You know I really did want a coffee but I didn't want to talk to you because you're a pain in the ass.
Uh-oh, someone's in a bad mood.
Have a fight with Amy? Have a fight with Amy? Hello, that's no one's business if I had a fight with Amy, but I did not have a fight with Amy, all right? We shouldn't have asked him.
(SCOFFS) Okay, um, "we"? There's no "we.
" I am his former girlfriend.
For years.
I know him a little better than you do and I can ask him anything I want.
You don't know him better than I do, all right? I've known him longer.
I've known him more intimately.
Unless you two are lying.
I don't lie.
Oh? So when you met Jack at Amy's, you had never met Jack before? I just didn't want to put Grace in an awkward situation that Jack and I had created.
So you lied.
All right.
I lied.
Sometimes I lie.
But I am not lying when I say I've never had sex with Ricky.
(CHUCKLES) Sex with Ricky was so great for me.
Took me years to get over him.
But now I'm over him.
Oh, are you? Mmm.
He's like a kid to me now that I'm with Omar.
Then how come you keep waiting for him in the coffee shop? I wasn't waiting for him.
So you're a liar too.
Hello, ladies.
Hey, sit down.
Oh, I can't.
I'm just grabbing a couple of coffees to go.
A couple? Yeah, Ricky's waiting for me out front.
So, how's it feel being a celebrity? It's okay.
They never caught the guy, huh? The pimp? No, but I don't think he'll be coming around again.
No, but if he does and if he follows me home, he'll have a little surprise waiting for him.
Uh, Omar's moving in.
To yours and Ben's condo? What's wrong with that? Uh, nothing I guess.
We are going to be having lots and lots of hot sex.
I don't care.
You know, I saw you on TV this morning, on the news.
Yeah, well, I didn't say people shouldn't have sex, I just said it was wrong for me and Grace right now.
Well, how about for you and Clementine? Is it wrong for you and Clementine? Honestly, Adrian, when I think about that I'm ashamed of myself.
That was the wrong thing to do.
Okay.
It's not going to happen again.
All right.
No seriously.
Here you go, two coffees.
Thanks.
You know, I slept with him, too.
Tell me something, do you regret sleeping with anyone you've slept with? Yeah.
Maybe Henry.
Ugh.
Leo's mother would be so happy about this.
Well, I'm ju so touched that Leo would give me her ring.
I'm going to give you everything you want, babe.
Oh, Leo.
You've made me so happy.
Oh, congratulations you two, I better get back to work.
Bye.
Bye.
Oh, myod.
That bathroom is enormous.
I wanted to take a bath in the sink.
Help yourself.
Oh, Nora, I'm so glad you were here.
Thank you for being our witness.
And you've done such a great job taking over for me.
Oh, I don't know about that.
I can't imagine you'd ever be gone for half the afternoon.
Right.
I better get going.
(LAUGHS) Bye you two.
Love you.
Love the two of you.
Congratulations.
Bye.
Bye.
All right, knock it off you two lovebirds.
There'll be plenty of time for that.
So, we didn't have a wedding cake on hand, but there was a frozen sausage pizza.
Pizza pie anyone? No thanks, my bride and I are going to take off.
Oh.
All right-y.
Well, have a nice afternoon? Evening? Week? We'll be back tomorrow.
And you three behave yourselves.
Sure thing, Mr.
Boykewich.
Congratulations.
Yeah, congratulations.
It's so nice to see you two so happy.
I didn't get a chance to tell you how sincerely sorry I am for everything that I said to you.
Well, I did get several chances but I didn't apologize.
Camille, I love you, and I think you and Dad are going to be very happy together.
And I apologize for every bad thing that I said to you.
Oh, Ben, I know you didn't mean it.
And I'm sorry I punched you.
(LAUGHS) But, you know, if it led to this, then It was all meant to be.
See you two tomorrow.
You think he'll be upset when he finds out? No.
I don't.
He's always wanted a sister.
We still have to get cleared through social services and that could take months.
We'll see.
We should have done this years ago.
I'm sorry.
That's okay.
Leo, I don't have any regrets, I just got everything I've ever wanted in life.
You are such a great keyboard player.
Thank you.
I appreciate that.
Where'd you learn to play? Juvie.
Oh! She doesn't want to break up with you.
You were right.
That stupid couple told her to break up with you.
I knew it.
But, I'm not going back with her if she's going to listen to them.
Really? Yeah.
Really.
I don't need this.
I've had enough rejection in my life.
Okay.
Well, pick one.
Mmm-hmm.
We're interested.
Pick one of us.
(SCOFFS) No.
Why not? Yeah, why not? I mean, we're as cute as you are.
That has nothing to do with anything, you're supposed to be Kathy's friends.
She dumped you.
She didn't dump you.
No.
But she sent us over here to tell you she wants to get back together and we've done that, and now we're hitting on you.
For real.
Pick one.
No.
I've let a guy go to third base before.
Which doesn't mean anything.
Okay, we don't even know what the bases are.
But I'm sure somebody coming from your background could show us, or maybe one of us.
I have to get out of here.
Do you mind? He's totally hot.
Yeah.
How'd she get him? I don't know.
I mean, she's pregnant.
Maybe he's a freak like Ben Boykewich.
(CHUCKLES) I saw him.
He didn't look good.
Yeah, unfortunately, he doesn't want to go back with you.
All right Well, probably for the best.
Mmm.
So, do you mind? Mind? We need boyfriends.
So we're hoping, since he's free, he would just choose one of us.
'Cause he's not choosing you.
(SNIFFLING) + Hello.
Hi.
Hello.
Yeah.
You know, the directions over here were totaWhat?ss.
My mother gave you directions? I'm sorry, I'm really sorry.
My mother has Alzheimer's.
And she doesn't know what she's talking about half the time, and some idiot nurse taught her how to email and text and tweet, and thank you all for coming but really, I'm not ready to date and I'm sure that when I am, I can find someone all by myself.
I'm sure you can.
So thank you all for coming, but really, you can go now.
I'm okay, really.
Would you like to stick around for the AA meeting? What? Having an AA meeting, didn't know you were coming.
(CHUCKLES) An AA meeting? Yeah.
They had something at the church tonight so George said it'd be okay.
Oh! My mother Oh, my God.
Never mind.
And I'll be right back.
My mother has been sending out I know, I get all the messages.
She has my email address and my phone number and I'm following her on Twitter.
She's funny.
No, she's not.
No, she is.
(FIRMLY) No.
She is not.
Okay, okay.
Hey, guess who got married today? George and Kathleen? What? No.
Leo and Camille.
At their house with a judge and I got to be a witness.
Oh.
Nice.
Good for them.
Hi.
You know, my mother has Alzheimer's too.
It's pretty tough, isn't it? Yeah, it really is.
I'll just be, um, in there.
Or somewhere.
I'm Nora's sponsor.
Willowdine.
Willowdine! That's a beautiful name.
I'm Anne.
And you have an 18-year-old and a 17-year-old and a two-year-old.
Because Nora forwarded me the emails.
(LAUGHS) And I'm gay, we're all gay, it's a gay group.
Oh.
Hi.
Sorry I'm late.
I would have called but I left my phone at home.
Hi.
Hi.
Talk to you later.
Mmm.
Oh, bye.
Who's that? Oh, Nora's having an AA meeting in the living room.
Your father told her it was okay.
I didn't know, or I could have met you at your apartment.
Yeah, but we said here and I couldn't call, because I left my stupid phone at home today.
I just wanted to show you what I thought might make a nice backyard wedding and then if you like it, I'll show Nora and Margaret.
Could we do this some other time, or do we have to even do it at all? I'm sure that whatever you put together is fine.
Really.
I just really want to get home, I didn't tell Ricky I was stopping by here.
Well, why don't you just call him from the phone here? Donovan and I have been working on this all day.
Mom, I'm sorry, I just really want to go home.
Is everything okay? Yeah.
As far as I know.
I got accepted into Hudson University in New York.
The counselor told me today.
I forgot I even applied.
I applied last spring.
So I want to get home in case the acceptance letter came in today so I can tear it up because I don't want Ricky to think that I don't want to get married so that I can go to school in New York instead.
Remarried.
Yeah.
Let me ask you something and answer honestly, okay? Would you rather be single and living in New York with John and going to college or living with Ricky and John here? Uh Honestly, (CHUCKLES) I'd like it if John and Ricky and I could live in New York and I could go to school in New York.
But I can't.
And that's just how it is.
Well, maybe you can have everything that you want, Amy.
Talk to Ricky.
Don't just throw away the acceptance letter, talk to him.
And talk to him about the wedding, too.
Okay? Here.
Take these with you, and call me.
Don't email, don't text.
Call.
Okay.
Goodnight.
Thank you.
Come on, bud.
I used to fantasize about marrying you.
All the girls in the house did.
Oh, they did not.
Oh, they did too.
You remember, I stole a lock of your hair while you were sleeping? (CHUCKLES) That was to put some spell on me.
Mmm-hmm.
A love spell! (CELL PHONE VIBRATING) Whose call are you ignoring? I have to go.
You said that hours ago.
Well, Amy finally decided to return my calls, so I have to go.
Goodnight.
Thanks.
I just needed to be out of the house for a while.
I was feeling myself getting a little too angry.
Anytime.
Even though I get annoyed with Amy sometimes, I don't regret having John and getting married.
Okay.
Okay.
You got someone to walk you home? Yeah.
I'll be calling Bubba till they find that guy.
All right.
Goodnight.
Goodnight.
+ Hey, guess what! got a message from Leo on the way home, he and Camille got married today.
Well, congratulations to them.
Where have you been? Where have I been? Where have you been all day? You haven't answered any of my phone calls or messages.
I left my phone at home, okay? Never occurred to me.
I was where I usually am.
At school.
At work.
Then I had to drop by my dad's house to pick up stupid wedding stuff from my mother.
Where have you been? You didn't say.
I know I didn't say.
I've been where I always am.
At school.
(SIGHS) Your last class was at 3:00.
You always have dinner ready.
I got home late and I had to feed John a peanut butter and jelly sandwich.
So what? He can eat that one night.
Have you eaten? Who'd you have dinner with? I haven't eaten.
I left you a message and said I'd pick up something if you wanted.
But maybe you didn't get that because you were listening to the 47 other messages I left you.
Did you open my mail? You know what? I did.
That's a federal offense! Have me arrested.
Ricky, you cannot open my mail.
I did.
And you got into Hudson University in New York So, when are you leaving? I applied last Spring, before you even asked me to marry you at graduation.
It was just something I always thought I would do, so I did.
Look, I know that I can't go to Hudson University in New York.
But you want to? No, I do not.
Are you sure? Yes, I'm sure.
Where were you? I was at the library.
What? Please, please do not lie to me.
I'm not lying to you.
Are you lying to me? You really don't want to go to school in New York like I know you always dreamed about? Dreams change.
I just want to be married to you, I want us to be happy.
I hope so, Amy, I hope so.
Please don't break my heart.
(CELL PHONE VIBRATING) Mmm.
Mmm.
Do not pick that up.
Okay.
Okay, pick it up, I can tell you won't be able to fully concentrate on me until you see who that is.
It's Ben.
Okay.
Oh, my God! His dad got married this afternoon.
And what does that mean? It means that Leo is happy, so Ben is happy.
So, I'm happy.
They're really nice, Leo and Ben.
Yeah.
Oh, right.
I forgot.
M y ex-husband called you a pervert.
Oh, you forgot, huh? Yes.
So, when are you moving in here? Well, I've been thinking about that, and my lease isn't up for a couple of months, so I'll just keep my apartment for now, but I'll stay over here any time you'll let me.
That's not what we talked about.
You're staying here? Staying? What kind of low-class move is that? We talked about your "living" here, not staying here.
Let's just see how it goes.
I can move a few things over.
Oh, okay.
So, keeping your bachelor pad, that's your B plan? In case things don't work out.
(LAUGHS) What bachelor pad? I live with my brother.
Your brother's never around.
I just want to make sure you really want me to move in here.
All right? This is a big step for us.
Well, not for you, if you're not real moving in.
I'm moving in, I am.
I'd just be more comfortable If we had a commitment.
I believe I asked you to marry me some time ago and you weren't ready.
How are you feeling about that now? You didn't say anything about that last week.
Is last week the only week that counts? We've been together five months.
No, we haven't.
Uh, yes we have.
We met May 24th.
You know when we met? Yes, I do.
Wow, that went by fast.
I've dated you longer than I was married to Ben.
(SCOFFS) You don't have a romantic bone in your body, you know that? (SIGHS) I've got some papers to grade, and you better go back to studying for your test.
Don't be like that.
I am like that.
I want you to at least want to get married to me before I officially give up my apartment and move in here.
And I don't think that's too much to ask.
I saw that.
(CHUCKLES) Who else can we tell? Did you call Amy? Ow! No, but maybe I should.
Just tell her at school tomorrow.
Why? Because I might bother her and Ricky at home? No.
This is important, isn't it Henry? Yeah, it's important.
Call her.
Yeah.
You know, maybe I will.
Okay, I'm going home.
You don't have a car.
I could drive you home, of course.
All right.
Just as a friend.
Yeah.
We're all friends.
Night, Ben.
(CELL PHONE RINGING) Ben.
Ugh.
Hit ignore.
Hi, Ben.
Hi, Amy.
I just called to give you the good news.
My dad got married today.
Yeah, I know.
He told Ricky and Ricky told me.
Oh.
Well Uh, I wanted to tell you So, there you go.
Oh, I actually have other good news.
What's that? I got an early acceptance into Hudson University in New York.
Ricky, I had no idea.
(SIGHS) Why did I apply to that stupid school? (CELL PHONE RINGING) ETHAN: Hey.
Hey.
What do you want? I want another meeting with the parents.
You're not even my boyfriend anymore.
Well, apparently, they're the ones who decide that, not us, so I'd like another shot with them.
Oh, stop it.
I mean, you acted like a jerk, and then they talked to me about just waiting until the baby is born to be in a relationship, which, I'm sorry, sounded like a reasonable request.
Right now, I have to focus on myself and on the baby.
Well, do you want me back or not? I do, but I mean, what's the point if you're going to meet with them again? I'll just get another lecture, feel guilty, and then break up with you again.
Guilty about what? About doing anything that would potentially upset these people.
Because I want them to be the parents.
They're great.
And they really haven't required a lot from me, so Haven't required a lot from you? Just wait until the baby breaks out of you and leaves your insides destroyed.
You think that's not asking a lot of you? To go through childbirth and then hand over the baby to them? That doesn't happen, you idiot.
And I hate you.
(SIGHS) I'm sorry.
I'm really sorry.
That was a terrible thing to say.
Let's just leave it at "we're broken up.
" (SIGHS) Why did I say that? Why? Here.
Thanks.
You didn't eat anything.
I don't really feel like eating.
My famous quarterback boyfriend just announced to the world that I'm a teenage harlot.
Well, Grace, it is a good lesson.
Don't do things you might regret later.
Why don't you just say, "I told you so, I told you so"? Did you call Jack, like I told you to? No.
Did he call you? Did he ask you to tell me to call him? He's left me plenty of messages on my phone and I am not speaking to him.
Not today, anyway.
When are you going home? There's a big lesbian AA meeting over at my house, I can't go home, not right now, but I'm going.
Good.
KATHLEEN: Grace.
Enough with the bad mood, get over it.
Get over it? They're playing that clip on every newscast, every sportscast, every cast there is.
I might as well wear a scarlet letter to school tomorrow.
So the kids who don't watch TV, but read the classics will know as well? (BOTH CHUCKLING) Funny.
There's nothing funny about it! My entire reputation is completely shot.
No one's going to take me seriously, no one's going to take my commitment to Christianity seriously.
I ould have just stayed with Daniel.
Who's Daniel? Guy number three.
Just out of curiosity, why not guy number two? Why not Grant? Because he thinks he's smarter than I am.
And he's not.
About anything.
Wow.
Wow.
So, uh, which guy am I? You're one and four.
Oh, right.
First and last.
I'll take it.
(LAUGHS) (KNOCKING ON DOOR) Yeah? Start praying, Christian.
I'm just looking out for you.
I can look out for myself.
So why can't you guys have kids? You slept with Alice while we were dating? It was an accident.
Oh, this creep hassled Adrian before.
What kind of creep? Some pimp on a recruiting mission.
What if the couple backs out because of you? We've got to apologize to Henry.
You're missing out.
The girls are here.
They're walking the halls.
There's a party? If you've got the money.
Do you have any idea how dangerous pimps are? If I scream, how much can you come up with? How old are you? Fifteen-year-old-girl nabbed by some guy, turned into a prostitute.
That's like treating a woman as if she's property.
I swear, I didn't do anything.
She's a kid.
You're the best husband in the world.
I'm not your husband.
We have to do something about that.
I apologize for what happened.
If you want to go out with Dylan, then may the best man win.
I'm sorry about the way I've acted.
Sometimes I don't like that couple either.
I just have to suck it up, because they're really going to be good parents.
Whoo! (WHISTLE BLOWS) And you're live.
We're here watching Christian quarterback sensation Jack Pappas, who bravely stepped forward last week and spoke out against girls who are being trafficked, a problem he found himself coping with when hookers were brought in to the athletic dorm at this college campus.
When police arrived, Jack encouraged a 15-year-old girl to step forward and tell her story, a girl who was since reunited with her family.
I'm doing well, thank you.
Hope we're getting ready to win the big game this weekend.
So, Jack, I understand that you're a Christian, or is this just a play to get some publicity for the school by mimicking Tebow? Oh, I could only hope to mimic Tim Tebow.
He's a good man.
He's a good example for anyone involved in sports.
So, in fact, you are a Christian? I am.
And I understand your girlfriend, who's a high school senior, is also a Christian.
Come on over here, Grace.
Yeah, she is, in fact, she's really responsible for my being who I am.
More so than your dad who's a minister? Yeah.
Hi Grace, it's Grace, isn't it? Yes, it is.
Were you surprised that your boyfriend here was caught with a prostitute in his room? Well, that doesn't sound like what happened, now does it? The girl approached me, she was panicked, she was trying to meet a quota for the night.
I didn't know about these things, she told me.
Anyway, she practically begged me to hire her, but I couldn't.
I was going to give her whatever cash I had on me to keep her from going to anyone else, and about that time, the police arrived, and because she was underage and in a lot of danger, I encouraged her to tell the police so she could get back home safe to her family.
So as Christians, I guess the two of you don't believe in premarital sex, do you? Do we believe that it exists? Yes.
Do we believe it's the best thing for us at this point in our relationship? No.
So you two, you've never had sex with each other? Well, we had sex before, a couple of years ago, and it was great, but as it turned out, it wrecked our relationship.
(MUTTERING) On camera.
We are on camera, Fortunately, we got back together and saw the light and now I'm committed to abstinence for the time being.
Good luck with that.
And good luck with the big game next weekend.
Well, I wasn't expecting to uncover the best part of the story.
Unintentional scoop.
Back to you in the newsroom.
What the hell were you thinking? Cut.
Falling in love is such an easy thing to do Birds can do it We can do it Let's stop talking Let's get to it Let's fall in love Watch where you're going! Yeah.
I'll do that.
Good advice for anyone.
What does that mean? Nothing, just making your mean something.
nishment Like watch out for where you're going in life.
I'm not going anywhere! Yeah, I'm afraid that might be true.
You may one of those girls who is smart and works hard in high school and has plans and dreams of going to college and getting a degree in medicine and becoming a doctor, only she gets involved with some football player, falls in love, gets pregnant and ends up not going to college until the children are grown and she's divorced from the husband and has to make her own living.
How long have you been holding that in? Not that long.
Okay, well, I will be going to college and becoming a doctor, skipping med camp to wreck my life.
(SIGHS ANGRILY) (MUTTERING) to med camp! Ugh! go Saw you on the morning news! Did they, um Did they play the whole thing? You mean the part where you said, "What the hell are you doing?" after the part where Jack had said in high school? I'm always here if you want to talk.
Wendy's dad just pulled her out of school? What! Oh, yeah, she is out as of today and he's putting her back in another private school not want her here, and doesn't want her hanging out with us anymore.
Well, that's insulting! What did we do? Where should I begin? Let me see Oh! We got busted for pot! She wasn't smoking, we were.
She was with us.
So? So it wasn't the first time.
We've gotten caught before.
He doesn't know about before, it can't be the pot.
Maybe it could be the fire, the possibility you and Ben burned down the school.
No, we didn't, it was a faulty gas line.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, whatever.
It was a faulty gas line or someone's rich daddy got the authorities to lie.
My dad would never do that.
Yeah, he would.
And so would Ben's.
But neither of them did.
Is that what people think? I don't know, but maybe that's what Cop Pop thinks.
And maybe Wendy's dad knows something we don't.
Oh, that's ridiculous.
No one paid anyone off, it was an accident.
Well, the headline in the newspaper about Jack being involved with a hooker really sent him over the line.
We don't have anything to do with that, with Jack or with Oh, yeah, Raven dated Jack.
But he saved that hooker! Go back to Raven dated Jack.
We've all been around Jack, and he is in visiting Grace ande Well, hookers are dangerous.
Drugs, arson, hookers and pimps, I think it all added up yanked out of school.
I'm late called my mom.
s dad And he's going Mercedes,our dad, and he's going to call your mom and dad, Dylan.
Because? Because? (SIGHS) Because he didn't from her friends,y away but he's sending her to an all girl's school.
(SIGHS) If our parents send us to an all girl's school, I may never see Ben again.
Or Henry.
I vote Henry.
Dylan? What? If he doesn't want her to hang out with us, they're not going to send us to the same school as her.
There are plenty of private girl's schools, maybe he has a list.
I'm not going to another school, I don't care what my parents say, I'm staying right here.
So are you going out with her or not? Uh, I asked her out, she turned me down.
Are you going out with her? Truthfully, only to get back at you and Alice.
You don't like Dylan? It's not that I don't like her, it's just that I never should have broken up with Alice and then I never would have slept with Adrian and you never would have slept with Alice and then our lives would not be so screwed up! (SIGHS) Or we could have waited until we were out of high school to have sex.
Too late for that.
(CHUCKLES) Hello.
Oh.
Uh Hello.
Did you get any interesting mail lately? No.
I got a copy of a letter of acceptance for you to a school that I always wanted to go to.
Hudson University in New York.
Really? Congratulations.
That's an early acceptance.
And that probably means you're going to have several choices by next spring because that's a tough school to get into.
That makes me very happy.
(CHUCKLES) It wasn't my first choice, but that makes me very happy.
What was your first choice? Whatever school Amy Juergens Underwood gets into.
And don't tell me to just let go of Amy.
I'm sick of people telling me to let go of Amy.
I don't want to let go of Amy.
I know I can't have a real relationship with anybody else until I do, but every relationship I've ever been in has just been to kill time until my turn comes around again, and it will, I know it will.
(GRUNTS IN FRUSTRATION) I'm not afraid of falling in love with you.
I know, Ethan.
I thought about it, and I'm afraid.
I'm afraid you'd only fall in love with me because I'm pregnant.
I'm afraid you won't be so in love with me when I'm not pregnant, and when I don't have a baby.
I like you, but come on, it's weird that you like me.
I more than like you, and I would more than like you if you weren't having a baby.
Are you kidding me? Remember, I was attracted to you from the back.
I didn't even see that you were pregnant.
The baby has nothing to do with it.
I'm sorry, but I just think it would be better if you and I don't see each other again until after the baby comes.
Oh.
So you just decided.
It's not even up for discussion.
This is not your idea! I know it's not your idea! It's that stupid couple's idea! + I think that's nice.
Amy wanted to have 50 people, that's 49, but I like having an odd number of people at tables.
I do too, that puts all the parents at one table, you and George and Margaret, and Shaker and Nora plus the bride and groom.
Oh, wait a minute, you know what's wrong with this? George is gonna bring Kathleen.
Oh.
And then you'll want to bring a date, so we put the bride and groom at their own little table and voila, we're back to seven at the table.
The only problem being I probably won't have a date, I haven't had one yet anyway.
You need to get out and meet some people.
Oh, I don't really know any of your people.
Not anyone I'd introduce you to anyway.
(CELL PHONE RINGING) Oh.
Sorry.
That's the nurse in assisted care, I got to take this.
Come on, it's pretty funny.
No, it's not going to be that funny when she gets here.
That was really stupid of Jack.
You got to give it to the guy, he was just being honest, going off the top of his head, wasn't editing anything for the public.
Well, maybe he should have.
Nah, he came off really well, like a 19-year-old-guy who's trying to do the right thing.
And Grace was cute, it's kind of sweet that she was so embarrassed.
Well, I just hope it all goes away quickly.
I doubt that.
It's probably going to be picked up by every news and sports show in the country.
Oh, no! That can't happen! Grace will be completely humiliated.
Why? Because, she doesn't want people to know she had sex in high school! She shouldn't care what people think.
She's doing the right thing now, so George, it's all my fault.
I can't believe I went along with Marshall on making her wear that stupid promise ring.
I mean, it just made sex so appealing to her! I think sex is pretty appealing on its own and ultimately, all you can do is tell 'em how you feel about having sex while they're in high school and then they have to decide, it's their decision.
Yeah, but do you never feel guilty about Amy getting pregnant? I mean, you never question whether you should have tald to her more or not given her so much freedom or anything like that? Yeah, I felt a little guilty but really, I couldn't have gone to band camp with her and sat in on her make-out session with Ricky and stopped the two of them.
Maybe I could have talked to her more about waiting to have sex, but it really wasn't my fault, I can only be responsible for myself.
I love Amy and Ashley and Robie, but when it comes down to it, I wish I'd just picked up my socks.
Aw.
George, I wish I'd just picked up your socks.
It really shouldn't have been that big of a deal.
So, you want to start thinking about maybe spending a night together? Yeah.
Let's do that.
Say, next weekend? Let me make the plans.
Okay.
(PHONE BEEPS) Oh.
Probably Mimsy.
Aw.
That's so sweet.
She learned to use email and she's got a Twitter account and she's on some social network and you know what she's telling everyone? What? (CHUCKLING) My mother is emailing and texting and tweeting everyone in the country that I'm gay! Well, bless her little pea-picking heart.
Maybe you'll get a date for the wedding.
What was that idiot nurse thinking in teaching all of these old people how to email and text and tweet? That they need cyber-friends because their families don't spend time with them? I spend time with my mother! I see her almost every day! Oh, I know, I'm just saying old people get lonely and it may not be such a bad thing.
No, it's a bad thing, I know it's a bad thing.
Let's just take a "we'll see" attitude, all right? You need friends, girlfriends, lesbian girlfriends.
Talk to Nora.
I don't think Nora has a lot of friends, and she doesn't know anyone else to introduce me to.
Else, pray tell? Nora set me up once, but it didn't work out.
I ran into my old boyfriend at the bar and took off.
I can't ask Nora to fix me up again.
And, geez, I wish I had never told my mother anything.
She doesn't even know who I am half the time.
Okay, well, are we done here? No.
I want to have something to show to Amy.
We are not done here.
Okay.
So, flowers.
Yes, flowers.
Any particular kind? Oh! Of course.
You meant what kind.
What says, "I don't really want to be married, "but I had a baby in high school, "so I got married "and now we're getting married again "because my mother wants me to, "even though she is gay and can't find a date"? Thistle? (ELEVATOR DINGS) (LAUGHING) (CHUCKLING) Hello.
How was lunch? Lunch was good.
What's so funny? Oh, Anne's mother.
She's a riot.
Oh, yeah? Listen to this.
"40-year-old lesbian with three children, "18, 17 and two, don't ask, "looking for a date, not good with long-term relationships, "neurotic, can't cook, "big feet, small heart, newly gay, "has her own business and plenty of dough.
" Hilarious! Hi-larious.
(LAUGHING) Okay.
Oh.
Did you want to tell me something? Yeah.
Go get in the car, the driver's waiting.
We're going to a wedding.
We'll stop by and pick up Ben.
Your wedding? I'm going to be a witness? Oh, my God! Leo! Oh, congratulations! Okay.
Well, save it for after the "I do's.
" Oh.
Let's go.
Yeah, yeah.
+ Okay, got to run, got an emergency.
An emergency of the good kind.
(CHUCKLES) I got class! I'll just be gone for an hour, hand it over to Smiley over here or put a sign in the door.
Wait.
Where are you going? What's a good emergency? Wouldn't you like to know? Oh.
Here's some mail for you.
Went into the shop's mailbox instead of yours.
Not for you, for your bride.
Are you leaving the state? 'Cause I'd need to know.
Bye.
(PHONE RINGING) AMY: (ON MACHINE) Hey, it's Amy.
I'm married! Leave a message.
(BEEPS) It's your husband calling.
I got an interesting piece of mail for you.
Call me when you get a chance.
(SIGHS) Hey, I need some help.
Of course.
Could you pull Ben out of class? I need him for something.
Oh? I can't tell you.
But I need him excused for the rest of the day.
Ben can tell you tomorrow.
That's not usually how it's done here, but all right.
OhHi.
I was looking for the counselor.
She'll be right back.
Yeah, you saw what you saw, all right? What'd I see? I'm having a baby.
I noticed.
None of my business.
My stupid boyfriend thinks he's Ben Boykewich or something.
Oh? Who's that? He's this idiot that fell in love with this pregnant girl as a freshman and then went a little nutty.
How so? She was having another guy's baby, a guy she's now married to, and Ben's still not over her.
He started smoking pot and burning down schools and Believe me, he's nuts.
Anyway, I just don't want that to happen to my boyfriend, you know? I don't want to ruin his life just bause I did something I shouldn't have.
You know what, sweetheart? Maybe you should let him decide that.
Let him decide whether or not he wants to get involved, if he doesn't, I'm sure he'll tell you.
I mean, he's not crazy Ben Boykewich, right? Right.
But What if he wanted to tell me he doesn't want to be involved with me, but he won't because he really just feels sorry for me and he doesn't have the guts to tell me he doesn't really want to stick around so he just does? Later, he'd just be filled with regret.
Like I am.
And I don't know.
You're too young to be filled with regret.
A rose is a rose is a rose.
And you're a rose whether you're having a baby or not, so if the man loves roses, well, he loves roses and there ain't nothin' you can do about it.
But I did do something about it, I broke up with him.
We had just gotten back together and then the couple adopting my baby suggested I break up with him, so I did.
And he so knew it.
Ugh.
What's going on? Oh.
There you are.
I got a little surprise for you.
I'll tell you in the car.
In the car? What? Come on, just go with me on this.
Oh.
Leo Boykewich.
Nice to meet you.
Take care.
You're a sweetheart for caring about what happens to the guy.
You're very considerate, probably why he's in love with you.
Bye now.
What was that about? Nothing.
Kid's all worried because some guy is in love with her.
And you told her what? That he'd be in love with her whether or not she was pregnant.
So you think I would have fallen in love with Amy whether or not she was pregnant? I thought you thought you should have discouraged me from that.
Have you learned nothing from me and my life? (LAUGHS) (SIGHS) I have learned plenty from you, Son.
Come on.
Feel like going to a wedding? Your wedding? My wedding.
Right now.
Hmm.
Mind if I bring a date or two? No, not Dylan, I was just thinking this might be the kind of opportunity that could bring Henry and Alice and me all back together.
Hurry up.
(CHUCKLES) All right, Amy, I'm leaving for school and I don't like to talk on the phone in the car, but maybe you could just leave me a message and let me know why you're getting a letter from Hudson University in New York.
I'm just curious.
(SIGHS) + (SIGHS) Hey! Where are you going? I just couldn't decide if I want coffee or not.
You just wanted to talk to Clementine and now I'm here.
No.
I heard you walked her back to her dorm.
No, you didn't.
Did you? What business is that of yours? You know I really did want a coffee but I didn't want to talk to you because you're a pain in the ass.
Uh-oh, someone's in a bad mood.
Have a fight with Amy? Have a fight with Amy? Hello, that's no one's business if I had a fight with Amy, but I did not have a fight with Amy, all right? We shouldn't have asked him.
(SCOFFS) Okay, um, "we"? There's no "we.
" I am his former girlfriend.
For years.
I know him a little better than you do and I can ask him anything I want.
You don't know him better than I do, all right? I've known him longer.
I've known him more intimately.
Unless you two are lying.
I don't lie.
Oh? So when you met Jack at Amy's, you had never met Jack before? I just didn't want to put Grace in an awkward situation that Jack and I had created.
So you lied.
All right.
I lied.
Sometimes I lie.
But I am not lying when I say I've never had sex with Ricky.
(CHUCKLES) Sex with Ricky was so great for me.
Took me years to get over him.
But now I'm over him.
Oh, are you? Mmm.
He's like a kid to me now that I'm with Omar.
Then how come you keep waiting for him in the coffee shop? I wasn't waiting for him.
So you're a liar too.
Hello, ladies.
Hey, sit down.
Oh, I can't.
I'm just grabbing a couple of coffees to go.
A couple? Yeah, Ricky's waiting for me out front.
So, how's it feel being a celebrity? It's okay.
They never caught the guy, huh? The pimp? No, but I don't think he'll be coming around again.
No, but if he does and if he follows me home, he'll have a little surprise waiting for him.
Uh, Omar's moving in.
To yours and Ben's condo? What's wrong with that? Uh, nothing I guess.
We are going to be having lots and lots of hot sex.
I don't care.
You know, I saw you on TV this morning, on the news.
Yeah, well, I didn't say people shouldn't have sex, I just said it was wrong for me and Grace right now.
Well, how about for you and Clementine? Is it wrong for you and Clementine? Honestly, Adrian, when I think about that I'm ashamed of myself.
That was the wrong thing to do.
Okay.
It's not going to happen again.
All right.
No seriously.
Here you go, two coffees.
Thanks.
You know, I slept with him, too.
Tell me something, do you regret sleeping with anyone you've slept with? Yeah.
Maybe Henry.
Ugh.
Leo's mother would be so happy about this.
Well, I'm ju so touched that Leo would give me her ring.
I'm going to give you everything you want, babe.
Oh, Leo.
You've made me so happy.
Oh, congratulations you two, I better get back to work.
Bye.
Bye.
Oh, myod.
That bathroom is enormous.
I wanted to take a bath in the sink.
Help yourself.
Oh, Nora, I'm so glad you were here.
Thank you for being our witness.
And you've done such a great job taking over for me.
Oh, I don't know about that.
I can't imagine you'd ever be gone for half the afternoon.
Right.
I better get going.
(LAUGHS) Bye you two.
Love you.
Love the two of you.
Congratulations.
Bye.
Bye.
All right, knock it off you two lovebirds.
There'll be plenty of time for that.
So, we didn't have a wedding cake on hand, but there was a frozen sausage pizza.
Pizza pie anyone? No thanks, my bride and I are going to take off.
Oh.
All right-y.
Well, have a nice afternoon? Evening? Week? We'll be back tomorrow.
And you three behave yourselves.
Sure thing, Mr.
Boykewich.
Congratulations.
Yeah, congratulations.
It's so nice to see you two so happy.
I didn't get a chance to tell you how sincerely sorry I am for everything that I said to you.
Well, I did get several chances but I didn't apologize.
Camille, I love you, and I think you and Dad are going to be very happy together.
And I apologize for every bad thing that I said to you.
Oh, Ben, I know you didn't mean it.
And I'm sorry I punched you.
(LAUGHS) But, you know, if it led to this, then It was all meant to be.
See you two tomorrow.
You think he'll be upset when he finds out? No.
I don't.
He's always wanted a sister.
We still have to get cleared through social services and that could take months.
We'll see.
We should have done this years ago.
I'm sorry.
That's okay.
Leo, I don't have any regrets, I just got everything I've ever wanted in life.
You are such a great keyboard player.
Thank you.
I appreciate that.
Where'd you learn to play? Juvie.
Oh! She doesn't want to break up with you.
You were right.
That stupid couple told her to break up with you.
I knew it.
But, I'm not going back with her if she's going to listen to them.
Really? Yeah.
Really.
I don't need this.
I've had enough rejection in my life.
Okay.
Well, pick one.
Mmm-hmm.
We're interested.
Pick one of us.
(SCOFFS) No.
Why not? Yeah, why not? I mean, we're as cute as you are.
That has nothing to do with anything, you're supposed to be Kathy's friends.
She dumped you.
She didn't dump you.
No.
But she sent us over here to tell you she wants to get back together and we've done that, and now we're hitting on you.
For real.
Pick one.
No.
I've let a guy go to third base before.
Which doesn't mean anything.
Okay, we don't even know what the bases are.
But I'm sure somebody coming from your background could show us, or maybe one of us.
I have to get out of here.
Do you mind? He's totally hot.
Yeah.
How'd she get him? I don't know.
I mean, she's pregnant.
Maybe he's a freak like Ben Boykewich.
(CHUCKLES) I saw him.
He didn't look good.
Yeah, unfortunately, he doesn't want to go back with you.
All right Well, probably for the best.
Mmm.
So, do you mind? Mind? We need boyfriends.
So we're hoping, since he's free, he would just choose one of us.
'Cause he's not choosing you.
(SNIFFLING) + Hello.
Hi.
Hello.
Yeah.
You know, the directions over here were totaWhat?ss.
My mother gave you directions? I'm sorry, I'm really sorry.
My mother has Alzheimer's.
And she doesn't know what she's talking about half the time, and some idiot nurse taught her how to email and text and tweet, and thank you all for coming but really, I'm not ready to date and I'm sure that when I am, I can find someone all by myself.
I'm sure you can.
So thank you all for coming, but really, you can go now.
I'm okay, really.
Would you like to stick around for the AA meeting? What? Having an AA meeting, didn't know you were coming.
(CHUCKLES) An AA meeting? Yeah.
They had something at the church tonight so George said it'd be okay.
Oh! My mother Oh, my God.
Never mind.
And I'll be right back.
My mother has been sending out I know, I get all the messages.
She has my email address and my phone number and I'm following her on Twitter.
She's funny.
No, she's not.
No, she is.
(FIRMLY) No.
She is not.
Okay, okay.
Hey, guess who got married today? George and Kathleen? What? No.
Leo and Camille.
At their house with a judge and I got to be a witness.
Oh.
Nice.
Good for them.
Hi.
You know, my mother has Alzheimer's too.
It's pretty tough, isn't it? Yeah, it really is.
I'll just be, um, in there.
Or somewhere.
I'm Nora's sponsor.
Willowdine.
Willowdine! That's a beautiful name.
I'm Anne.
And you have an 18-year-old and a 17-year-old and a two-year-old.
Because Nora forwarded me the emails.
(LAUGHS) And I'm gay, we're all gay, it's a gay group.
Oh.
Hi.
Sorry I'm late.
I would have called but I left my phone at home.
Hi.
Hi.
Talk to you later.
Mmm.
Oh, bye.
Who's that? Oh, Nora's having an AA meeting in the living room.
Your father told her it was okay.
I didn't know, or I could have met you at your apartment.
Yeah, but we said here and I couldn't call, because I left my stupid phone at home today.
I just wanted to show you what I thought might make a nice backyard wedding and then if you like it, I'll show Nora and Margaret.
Could we do this some other time, or do we have to even do it at all? I'm sure that whatever you put together is fine.
Really.
I just really want to get home, I didn't tell Ricky I was stopping by here.
Well, why don't you just call him from the phone here? Donovan and I have been working on this all day.
Mom, I'm sorry, I just really want to go home.
Is everything okay? Yeah.
As far as I know.
I got accepted into Hudson University in New York.
The counselor told me today.
I forgot I even applied.
I applied last spring.
So I want to get home in case the acceptance letter came in today so I can tear it up because I don't want Ricky to think that I don't want to get married so that I can go to school in New York instead.
Remarried.
Yeah.
Let me ask you something and answer honestly, okay? Would you rather be single and living in New York with John and going to college or living with Ricky and John here? Uh Honestly, (CHUCKLES) I'd like it if John and Ricky and I could live in New York and I could go to school in New York.
But I can't.
And that's just how it is.
Well, maybe you can have everything that you want, Amy.
Talk to Ricky.
Don't just throw away the acceptance letter, talk to him.
And talk to him about the wedding, too.
Okay? Here.
Take these with you, and call me.
Don't email, don't text.
Call.
Okay.
Goodnight.
Thank you.
Come on, bud.
I used to fantasize about marrying you.
All the girls in the house did.
Oh, they did not.
Oh, they did too.
You remember, I stole a lock of your hair while you were sleeping? (CHUCKLES) That was to put some spell on me.
Mmm-hmm.
A love spell! (CELL PHONE VIBRATING) Whose call are you ignoring? I have to go.
You said that hours ago.
Well, Amy finally decided to return my calls, so I have to go.
Goodnight.
Thanks.
I just needed to be out of the house for a while.
I was feeling myself getting a little too angry.
Anytime.
Even though I get annoyed with Amy sometimes, I don't regret having John and getting married.
Okay.
Okay.
You got someone to walk you home? Yeah.
I'll be calling Bubba till they find that guy.
All right.
Goodnight.
Goodnight.
+ Hey, guess what! got a message from Leo on the way home, he and Camille got married today.
Well, congratulations to them.
Where have you been? Where have I been? Where have you been all day? You haven't answered any of my phone calls or messages.
I left my phone at home, okay? Never occurred to me.
I was where I usually am.
At school.
At work.
Then I had to drop by my dad's house to pick up stupid wedding stuff from my mother.
Where have you been? You didn't say.
I know I didn't say.
I've been where I always am.
At school.
(SIGHS) Your last class was at 3:00.
You always have dinner ready.
I got home late and I had to feed John a peanut butter and jelly sandwich.
So what? He can eat that one night.
Have you eaten? Who'd you have dinner with? I haven't eaten.
I left you a message and said I'd pick up something if you wanted.
But maybe you didn't get that because you were listening to the 47 other messages I left you.
Did you open my mail? You know what? I did.
That's a federal offense! Have me arrested.
Ricky, you cannot open my mail.
I did.
And you got into Hudson University in New York So, when are you leaving? I applied last Spring, before you even asked me to marry you at graduation.
It was just something I always thought I would do, so I did.
Look, I know that I can't go to Hudson University in New York.
But you want to? No, I do not.
Are you sure? Yes, I'm sure.
Where were you? I was at the library.
What? Please, please do not lie to me.
I'm not lying to you.
Are you lying to me? You really don't want to go to school in New York like I know you always dreamed about? Dreams change.
I just want to be married to you, I want us to be happy.
I hope so, Amy, I hope so.
Please don't break my heart.
(CELL PHONE VIBRATING) Mmm.
Mmm.
Do not pick that up.
Okay.
Okay, pick it up, I can tell you won't be able to fully concentrate on me until you see who that is.
It's Ben.
Okay.
Oh, my God! His dad got married this afternoon.
And what does that mean? It means that Leo is happy, so Ben is happy.
So, I'm happy.
They're really nice, Leo and Ben.
Yeah.
Oh, right.
I forgot.
M y ex-husband called you a pervert.
Oh, you forgot, huh? Yes.
So, when are you moving in here? Well, I've been thinking about that, and my lease isn't up for a couple of months, so I'll just keep my apartment for now, but I'll stay over here any time you'll let me.
That's not what we talked about.
You're staying here? Staying? What kind of low-class move is that? We talked about your "living" here, not staying here.
Let's just see how it goes.
I can move a few things over.
Oh, okay.
So, keeping your bachelor pad, that's your B plan? In case things don't work out.
(LAUGHS) What bachelor pad? I live with my brother.
Your brother's never around.
I just want to make sure you really want me to move in here.
All right? This is a big step for us.
Well, not for you, if you're not real moving in.
I'm moving in, I am.
I'd just be more comfortable If we had a commitment.
I believe I asked you to marry me some time ago and you weren't ready.
How are you feeling about that now? You didn't say anything about that last week.
Is last week the only week that counts? We've been together five months.
No, we haven't.
Uh, yes we have.
We met May 24th.
You know when we met? Yes, I do.
Wow, that went by fast.
I've dated you longer than I was married to Ben.
(SCOFFS) You don't have a romantic bone in your body, you know that? (SIGHS) I've got some papers to grade, and you better go back to studying for your test.
Don't be like that.
I am like that.
I want you to at least want to get married to me before I officially give up my apartment and move in here.
And I don't think that's too much to ask.
I saw that.
(CHUCKLES) Who else can we tell? Did you call Amy? Ow! No, but maybe I should.
Just tell her at school tomorrow.
Why? Because I might bother her and Ricky at home? No.
This is important, isn't it Henry? Yeah, it's important.
Call her.
Yeah.
You know, maybe I will.
Okay, I'm going home.
You don't have a car.
I could drive you home, of course.
All right.
Just as a friend.
Yeah.
We're all friends.
Night, Ben.
(CELL PHONE RINGING) Ben.
Ugh.
Hit ignore.
Hi, Ben.
Hi, Amy.
I just called to give you the good news.
My dad got married today.
Yeah, I know.
He told Ricky and Ricky told me.
Oh.
Well Uh, I wanted to tell you So, there you go.
Oh, I actually have other good news.
What's that? I got an early acceptance into Hudson University in New York.
Ricky, I had no idea.
(SIGHS) Why did I apply to that stupid school? (CELL PHONE RINGING) ETHAN: Hey.
Hey.
What do you want? I want another meeting with the parents.
You're not even my boyfriend anymore.
Well, apparently, they're the ones who decide that, not us, so I'd like another shot with them.
Oh, stop it.
I mean, you acted like a jerk, and then they talked to me about just waiting until the baby is born to be in a relationship, which, I'm sorry, sounded like a reasonable request.
Right now, I have to focus on myself and on the baby.
Well, do you want me back or not? I do, but I mean, what's the point if you're going to meet with them again? I'll just get another lecture, feel guilty, and then break up with you again.
Guilty about what? About doing anything that would potentially upset these people.
Because I want them to be the parents.
They're great.
And they really haven't required a lot from me, so Haven't required a lot from you? Just wait until the baby breaks out of you and leaves your insides destroyed.
You think that's not asking a lot of you? To go through childbirth and then hand over the baby to them? That doesn't happen, you idiot.
And I hate you.
(SIGHS) I'm sorry.
I'm really sorry.
That was a terrible thing to say.
Let's just leave it at "we're broken up.
" (SIGHS) Why did I say that? Why? Here.
Thanks.
You didn't eat anything.
I don't really feel like eating.
My famous quarterback boyfriend just announced to the world that I'm a teenage harlot.
Well, Grace, it is a good lesson.
Don't do things you might regret later.
Why don't you just say, "I told you so, I told you so"? Did you call Jack, like I told you to? No.
Did he call you? Did he ask you to tell me to call him? He's left me plenty of messages on my phone and I am not speaking to him.
Not today, anyway.
When are you going home? There's a big lesbian AA meeting over at my house, I can't go home, not right now, but I'm going.
Good.
KATHLEEN: Grace.
Enough with the bad mood, get over it.
Get over it? They're playing that clip on every newscast, every sportscast, every cast there is.
I might as well wear a scarlet letter to school tomorrow.
So the kids who don't watch TV, but read the classics will know as well? (BOTH CHUCKLING) Funny.
There's nothing funny about it! My entire reputation is completely shot.
No one's going to take me seriously, no one's going to take my commitment to Christianity seriously.
I ould have just stayed with Daniel.
Who's Daniel? Guy number three.
Just out of curiosity, why not guy number two? Why not Grant? Because he thinks he's smarter than I am.
And he's not.
About anything.
Wow.
Wow.
So, uh, which guy am I? You're one and four.
Oh, right.
First and last.
I'll take it.
(LAUGHS) (KNOCKING ON DOOR) Yeah? Start praying, Christian.