Younger (2015) s05e10 Episode Script
Girls on the Side
1 [UPBEAT ELECTRONIC MUSIC.]
Hey.
Why are you leaving so early? Any later, and Uber surges so high that Iâve already spent my dayâs salary.
Take the ferry.
Itâs free.
Thereâs a reason for that.
[SUSPENSEFUL MUSIC.]
Are you scared of Ma? Donât Donât be absurd, Enzo.
I just need to get to work.
[SOFT CHUCKLE.]
Oh, yeah.
[LAUGHS.]
Shh.
[SPEAKING ITALIAN.]
Oh, let me look at you.
- Oh.
- Nice, nice.
You have a big job, no? Well, head of marketing at a top-tier publishing house, so.
Come for supper this weekend.
The whole family will be here.
We want to know everything about the woman whoâs spending so much time with our Enzo.
- Hm.
- Do you cook? Of course, I love to cook.
Wonderful! Then make a dish.
Yeah.
Eh.
Arrivederci.
[CARLY SIMONâS "LET THE RIVER RUN".]
[SIGHS.]
Let the river run Let all the dreamers Wake the nation Come, the New Jerusalem.
Oh, no peeking.
Josh says to wait until tonightâs launch party.
But I brought coffee.
No fair.
Well, lifeâs not fair, flamingo.
Surely you know that by now.
Wait, Kelsey got to see the renovation, and I donât? Iâm his roommate.
- Yeah, well Iâm his - What? - Forget it.
- [SOFT LAUGH.]
Josh has totally transformed Inkburg.
Itâs like he signed that ten-year lease and heâs just older and more mature.
He still really wants to impress you.
Iâve been impressed with Josh since the day I met him.
Think there could ever be a thing between you guys again? You know Iâm in a thing with someone else.
- And - [SIGHS.]
Do you mind keeping Charles and me to yourself for now? Did Charles want you to ask me that? No.
Itâs a powder keg at work, and I As far as I know, thereâs no relationship.
Right.
No relationship.
[UPBEAT ELECTRONIC MUSIC.]
And in chapter 12, where you got fired from your first job, that should be chapter one.
Well, "Claw" is not an autobiography.
Itâs a call to arms.
Well, it can be both.
You wouldnât invest in a business without doing your due diligence.
Readers are the same way; they want to know who you are before they buy what youâre selling.
[KNOCKING ON DOOR.]
How is everything going? Itâs, um, itâs interesting.
Iâm used to being the one giving the notes, not getting them.
But theyâre good.
Our best and brightest.
So welcome aboard, Quinn.
We are, uh, excited to have you here.
- Thank you.
- Iâll leave you to it.
[INHALES.]
We need another chapter about the dating double standard applied to successful women.
Oh, I canât imagine you have trouble dating.
Okay, so as men get more successful, the pool expands.
And for women, letâs just say itâs a paradox.
[SOFT INHALE.]
Is Charles dating anybody? Uh, nothing that heâs been public about.
Mm-mm.
Very single.
- As far as we know.
- Which we donât know, for sure.
Oh, but, officially, singleâs the word.
[SOFT LAUGH.]
Okay.
Well, um, Iâm gonna dash downtown.
I gotta give some advice to my friends at the Federal Reserve.
Oh.
That sounds interesting.
Yeah, only if youâve never met them before.
[PENSIVE ROCK MUSIC.]
Wow, you laid that on a little thick there.
Okay, well, Iâm just doing what you told me to.
- I know, but she - Come on.
I can only keep so many secrets for you, Liza.
Hey.
Leave the door open.
You got it.
Iâm glad you stopped by.
Quinn came in after the meeting to say how impressed she was with the two of you.
Mm, I doubt thatâs the only reason why.
You donât have to sit and look like youâre taking notes.
Iâm not.
Iâm doodling.
- Oh.
- Heâs got sunglasses.
I, um, I think Quinn has a little crush.
- What? - She asked about you.
What did you say? I couldnât say anything.
Next time it comes up, tell her that divorced moms from Jersey are more my style.
What do you think about getting out of the city for the weekend? I would love to, but Iâve been invited to a conference in Sun Valley.
Oh.
Thatâs so cool.
Whatâs it for? Uh, do you have to make a presentation or No, theyâre not too interested in hearing from old media these days.
Okay.
Well, um, well, enjoy your weekend.
I canât kiss you good-bye, so, just [KISSES.]
[SOFTLY.]
Notes? Here you go.
- Thank you.
- Welcome.
Diana, hi.
I was I was just giving Charles some thoughts on Sun Valley.
What thoughts could you possibly have? Charles, I just emailed you talking points.
Smile, and donât suffer through every photo, especially with Bezos and Cook but not Zuckerberg, heâs taken enough.
From all of us.
[SOFT LAUGH.]
Oh, um, from one of my girls.
Lovely.
Such large lips.
Must be Nicole.
[PLAYFUL UPBEAT MUSIC.]
Liza.
Call Sant Ambroeus.
I need a knockout Italian dish.
And put it in one of those casserole containers so it looks homemade.
Enzoâs mother invited me to a family potluck, and she will be judging me with all of her unibrow.
Oh, well, Maggie could help.
Her lasagna is legendary.
The first time I ate it, I cried.
Crying is good.
Inducing a major cardiac event would be better.
- Call Maggie.
- Okey-dokey.
[UPBEAT JAZZY MUSIC.]
[INDISTINCT CHATTER.]
[SOFT LAUGH.]
- Wowzers.
- Jeez Louise.
I know, itâs so much better than that man cave crack den that it was before.
Oh, yeah, it never felt safe to sit.
Oh, no, I used to come down here and just wet-wipe everything.
- Smart.
- Yeah.
Whereâs the man of the hour? Over there by face tat.
- BOTH: Ugh.
- Josh? - Hey.
- Hi! Oh, my gosh.
- You made it.
- I wouldnât have missed it.
This is incredible.
How did you do all this? Oh, it, uh, took a little bit of time, but you wouldnât know that âcause you havenât really been around.
Uh, hey, uh, this is this is Skye.
- Hey.
- Sheâs another tattoo artist.
She specializes in do-overs.
Oh, like tattoo removal? More like repurposing.
I redesign regret.
Ah.
Have any tattoos, Liza? I do, but none that I regret.
Yeah, I got one for her; she got one for me.
It was supposed to be for her birth year, but we, uh, got the details a little fuzzy.
Yeah.
Still tells a story, right? - It does.
- I love the line work.
- Thanks.
- Did they use a ten coil? Uh, sheâs a 12, actually.
Gorgeous.
How long did this take? I donât know, she blasted through it in like 45 minutes.
- Wow, thatâs incredible.
- Yeah.
- [GLASS CLINKING.]
- Excuse me, everyone.
- Uh, can I get your attention? - Here we go.
Thank you.
Uh, okay, so five years ago, a cute little bumpkin from Fairmont, West Virginia rented this, to be frank, shitty tattoo shop.
- [LAUGHTER.]
- Hey.
And five years later, it has turned into a Williamsburg institution.
Yeah, Josh wonât tell you that heâs been on the cover of magazines in, like, seven countries.
And Josh wonât tell you that he has tattooed Kelly Slater and Demi Lovato [WHISPERS.]
Stop! He will just humbly and skillfully and with his big, romantic heart just transform people.
And now places.
To Inkburg 2.
0.
Mazel Josh.
We love you, dude.
- To Josh! - ALL: To Josh! Thank you, everyone, for coming out tonight.
Uh.
[SIGHS.]
I just want to acknowledge one person in particular, who, uh, really showed up for me.
[GENTLE MUSIC.]
I was ready to walk away from all this.
Uh, she inspired me to not give up, so thank you, Liza.
All right, letâs break this place in! - Drinks are on me.
- [SCATTERED CHEERS.]
- Hey.
- Hey.
Whoa, Caitlin? Caitlin? - Oh.
- Hi.
- Hi, Mom.
[SOFT LAUGH.]
- How did you I, uh, I probably should have told you, - but we wanted to surprise you.
- Yeah.
Oh you two know how I hate surprises.
But this is a nice one.
Iâm glad that you two are in touch.
Well, we know we follow each other on Instagram.
And all the way to the city for this party.
- Thatâs a big effort.
- Um.
Well, Iâm also here for a wedding, um, Iâm invited to with a friend.
Oh, that sounds fun.
Cool.
Where is she? Uh, "he.
" Over there.
Oh, the skater kid? Heâs cute.
[LAUGHS.]
No, not him.
Uh, him.
[PLAYFUL MUSIC.]
Babe.
Babe, uh, this is this is Josh.
This is his place.
Josh, congratulations.
Iâm Greg.
Whatâs up, Greg? And Iâm the mom.
Iâm Iâm Caitlinâs mom.
Iâm Liza.
Oh, uh, wow, itâs really nice to meet you.
- Iâve heard so much about you.
- Really? Will you excuse us for just a minute? Now I know why you wanted to keep this a secret.
Are you serious? I wouldnât introduce you to someone Iâm not serious about.
- He is your fatherâs age.
- No.
Gregâs younger than Dad.
I checked.
Well, he is still too old for you.
Mom, stop.
Look where we are.
I mean, whose place is this? Talk about glass houses.
I thought youâd be cool with this.
Okay.
Can we can we start over? Can we all get together this weekend? Sure.
Letâs do brunch.
Iâll invite Josh too, unless thatâs weird for you? No.
Itâs not weird at all.
[ROUSING ELECTRONIC MUSIC.]
But that is.
[PUNCHY ELECTRONIC MUSIC.]
So, um, [STAMMERS.]
how did you two meet? Um, on campus.
What are you studying, Greg? Um, well, teaching, actually.
Iâm an English professor.
Well, not my English professor.
[SOFT LAUGH.]
Anymore.
Uh, once we started, I switched classes.
- [SIGHS.]
- Mm.
No, we severed our academic relationship to allow for a romantic one.
[SOFT LAUGH.]
[SLURPING.]
- Ready for a refill? - Mm.
Bottomless Bloody Marys, right? [SOFT LAUGH.]
Oh, yeah.
Letâs get our two-hoursâ worth.
- Letâs keep going.
- Fill âem up! - Mm-hmm.
- I love brunch! So, Vassarâs totally cool with teachers dating students or what? Uh, well, we, um, we keep it very private on campus.
So itâs a secret? Just for now.
Or at least until I get tenure.
[SOFT CHUCKLE.]
[PLAYFUL ROCK MUSIC.]
Ah, benvenuta, Diana.
You brought a dish.
That was the assignment.
Lasagna alla Bolognese.
Grazie mille.
[EXHALES.]
[KISSES.]
Come.
Diana, this is the family.
Antonio and Valentina.
Mia, Claudia, Paolo, Paula, Giovanni, Nicoletta, Sandro, and little Roberto.
Little Roberto.
Okay.
No pop quiz.
Promise.
And so, where do you fit in with this beautiful brood? Heâs our baby brother.
And he ainât leaving the nest.
- [SOFT LAUGHTER.]
- Ah.
Diana, you look familiar.
- Have we met before? - I donât Have you ever played cards at the South Shore Country Club? Definitely not.
- I tried your lasagna.
- And? - Come help me in the kitchen.
- Oh.
Just just take the purse.
[PLAYFUL ITALIAN MUSIC.]
Okay.
So, letâs start with the eels.
Usually my fish monger would peel them.
[STAMMERS.]
Peel? Um, these are alive.
But chilled.
That keeps their hearts beating slow.
One whack will fix that.
[TSKS.]
[CLEARS THROAT.]
[HAMMER CLACKS.]
[UPBEAT ELECTRONIC MUSIC.]
Well, thanks for buying us brunch, Mom.
Hey, what kind of parent would I be if I didnât look after my little girl? We should, uh, probably get out of here.
Yeah.
Okay, have fun at the wedding tonight, sweetie.
- Nice meeting you.
- Donât get any ideas.
- Ow, ow okay.
- Yep.
Mm-hmm.
- Bye.
- It was great meeting you.
- Yes.
- Bye, babe.
- BOTH: Bye.
- Yes.
Yes, yes, yes Sheâs living her life to torture me.
You should really try to shut that one down.
Oh I wish parenting worked that way.
Sheâs just gonna do what she wants.
If I try to shut it down, sheâll just shut me out.
Yeah, but you could try, at least.
Yeah, but then and then Iâd be a hypocrite.
- [SIGHS.]
- Why? Because Iâve, um, Iâve been doing the same thing at work with, um, Charles.
What? I thought that deal was over? Not quite.
Oh, uh, so itâs been going on this whole time? Behind my back when we were together? - Behind his wifeâs back when - No.
This time is different.
Weâre being honest with each other.
And I wanted to tell you sooner.
Because Iâm trying to be more real.
Real? Youâre trying to be real? You donât even know what real is anymore.
And anything that you think that you have with Charles right now, thatâs not real.
How can it be when youâre sneaking behind everyoneâs back? I was honest about everything when we were together.
I told everyone about it.
I mean, I wore my heart on my sleeve for you.
I mean, I literally got it tattooed on me.
"Real.
" [DRAMATIC POP MUSIC.]
- Whatâs the matter? - Are you okay? Brunch with Caitlinâ way-too-older man was bad, but the walk home with Josh was worse.
[SIGHS.]
What? What is it? Well, they say bad things come in threes.
This was on Quinn Tylerâs Instagram story today.
We are at Allen and Companyâs conference in Sun Valley, and I have walked out of yet another boring presentation on the end of privacy.
[WHISPERS.]
And I brought a hostage.
I do not approve this message.
[LAUGHS.]
[SOMBER ROCK MUSIC.]
Maybe I did too good of a job covering for you.
Iâm so sorry.
[PLAYFUL ITALIAN MUSIC.]
Diana, mix the Parmigiano in the risotto oh, Madonna, not so much.
And the basil.
Okay, andiamo, andiamo.
Andiamo! Andiamo! Letâs eat! Bravo! - Prego, prego.
- [ALL TALKING.]
No sweat.
Well, a little sweat.
Told you she was something, huh, Ma? Eh.
Oh, we forgot the eel spaghettini.
Iâm up.
Iâll get it.
Donât forget to garnish.
It looks awesome, Ma.
- Yeah? - Yeah.
[SOFT CHUCKLE.]
Eel spaghettini.
[SOFT CHUCKLE.]
You garnished it with cheese.
It is pasta.
It is eel! Who puts cheese on seafood? - Ma, it doesnât matter.
- Oh, Madonna.
She may be smart in the business, but sheâs a dummy in the kitchen.
Okay.
Iâm done.
I am too old to fight.
- Dian - [SOFT CHUCKLE.]
Yeah.
Youâre too old.
Youâre an old lady who canât cook.
Ma! Diana, donât listen to her.
You didnât make that lasagna.
And youâre not right for my son! Youâre not Italian.
Heâs a hardworking man, and he needs a woman who can take care of him, and itâs not you! You are the reason Enzo is single.
You push every woman away.
I am not gonna waste my time trying to impress a mother who has held her son hostage his entire life.
Torment the next woman who comes along.
Ciao a tutti.
[DRAMATIC ORCHESTRAL MUSIC.]
[FERRY RUMBLING SOFTLY.]
Hey.
Howâd you know Iâd take the ferry? Wild guess.
And youâve been humming "Let the River Run" all week.
Iâm sorry, Diana.
Ma shouldnât have said those things.
Sheâs a lot.
No, your brotherâs cologne was a lot.
Your mother was too much.
What can I say? I like strong women.
Enzo, we were foolish to think this would work out.
Weâre from two different worlds.
Yes, we are.
Which is why Iâm moving to yours.
Oh, no, no, no, youâre not moving in with me.
I tried that before.
Believe me, it doesnât end well.
A parrot died.
No.
Iâm getting my own apartment.
In Manhattan.
You were right.
Itâs time.
Give me a chance, please.
Yeah, I have a crazy family, and I might be a late bloomer, but I got a lot to give.
[ROUSING ELECTRONIC MUSIC.]
[SOFT R&B MUSIC.]
- [KEYS CLACKING.]
- [SNIFFS.]
- [KEYS CLACKING.]
- Sambuca.
Just in case we get crazy.
Ugh, I already feel crazy.
What if Charles and I are just a fantasy? And the reality is this, me on the outside looking in, not even a part of my own relationship if this even is a relationship.
I hate seeing you reduced to someoneâs sidepiece.
You deserve better than that.
[KNOCKING ON DOOR.]
- Hey.
- Hey.
- What happened to the wedding? - Oh, Mom, it was so boring.
Everyone was old, and no one danced.
[CRYING.]
He told me to leave.
- What? Why? - Iâll kill him.
Another faculty member from Vassar was there.
We were gonna get busted, and You know, Iâm just so tired of sneaking around campus, and I thought New York would be different.
[TSKS.]
Sweetie, Iâm so sorry.
You deserve better than that.
We both do.
[SOFT DRAMATIC MUSIC.]
Caitlin, itâs time I told you something.
I knew we needed that Sambuca.
I have been secretly dating someone too.
My boss.
Your boss? Where? Maggie said you were a task rabbit.
- Whatâs a task rabbit? - I I panicked, okay? But Iâm not the one on trial here.
The truth is is that Iâm back in publishing.
Oh, well, why didnât you just say that? But I had trouble getting a job, so I lied about my age.
Okay.
How old do they think you are? [LAUGHS.]
Youâre messing with me? Um, Iâm not.
Uh, have they seen you in daylight? Look, Iâve been wanting to tell you, - but - She didnât want to burden you.
Plus, she thought youâd blab.
Right.
Honey, I canât tell you what to do about Greg, but I can tell you from my own experience that itâs better to be in an open and honest relationship.
[GENTLE ACOUSTIC MUSIC.]
We accept the love we think we deserve.
And you deserve much more than this.
[SUBWAY CARS RUMBLING.]
[SOMBER MUSIC.]
Last call to keep it.
Itâs such a pretty dragon to do-over.
No, Iâm done with it.
[BUZZING.]
[UPBEAT ELECTRONIC MUSIC.]
- Hey.
- Hi.
I missed you.
Me too.
But it looked like you had fun in Sun Valley though.
I, uh, saw you on Quinnâs Instagram.
I ran into her.
Wha wait.
Do you think I I donât know what to think.
I mean, I I barely heard from you all weekend, and you clearly spent a lot of time with her.
It was entirely business-related.
She was flirting with you.
She wasnât flirting with me.
She is flirting with making an investment in the company.
Thatâs what we were talking about in Sun Valley.
What? What? Thatâs amazing.
You could have told me that.
After what happened with Kelsey, Iâm trying to keep work and us separate.
And I thought that we agreed that we would keep us quiet for now.
Why do I always I know.
I know we did.
But I [INHALES.]
I just spent the weekend telling my daughter not to be some guyâs secret.
I donât want to be in a relationship I canât be open about.
I understand.
But now is just not the right time.
Was it all for her? Call me when it is.
I wished it for me [PALE HONEYâS "WHY DO I ALWAYS FEEL THIS WAY".]
Will I never learn? Why youâre not for me
Hey.
Why are you leaving so early? Any later, and Uber surges so high that Iâve already spent my dayâs salary.
Take the ferry.
Itâs free.
Thereâs a reason for that.
[SUSPENSEFUL MUSIC.]
Are you scared of Ma? Donât Donât be absurd, Enzo.
I just need to get to work.
[SOFT CHUCKLE.]
Oh, yeah.
[LAUGHS.]
Shh.
[SPEAKING ITALIAN.]
Oh, let me look at you.
- Oh.
- Nice, nice.
You have a big job, no? Well, head of marketing at a top-tier publishing house, so.
Come for supper this weekend.
The whole family will be here.
We want to know everything about the woman whoâs spending so much time with our Enzo.
- Hm.
- Do you cook? Of course, I love to cook.
Wonderful! Then make a dish.
Yeah.
Eh.
Arrivederci.
[CARLY SIMONâS "LET THE RIVER RUN".]
[SIGHS.]
Let the river run Let all the dreamers Wake the nation Come, the New Jerusalem.
Oh, no peeking.
Josh says to wait until tonightâs launch party.
But I brought coffee.
No fair.
Well, lifeâs not fair, flamingo.
Surely you know that by now.
Wait, Kelsey got to see the renovation, and I donât? Iâm his roommate.
- Yeah, well Iâm his - What? - Forget it.
- [SOFT LAUGH.]
Josh has totally transformed Inkburg.
Itâs like he signed that ten-year lease and heâs just older and more mature.
He still really wants to impress you.
Iâve been impressed with Josh since the day I met him.
Think there could ever be a thing between you guys again? You know Iâm in a thing with someone else.
- And - [SIGHS.]
Do you mind keeping Charles and me to yourself for now? Did Charles want you to ask me that? No.
Itâs a powder keg at work, and I As far as I know, thereâs no relationship.
Right.
No relationship.
[UPBEAT ELECTRONIC MUSIC.]
And in chapter 12, where you got fired from your first job, that should be chapter one.
Well, "Claw" is not an autobiography.
Itâs a call to arms.
Well, it can be both.
You wouldnât invest in a business without doing your due diligence.
Readers are the same way; they want to know who you are before they buy what youâre selling.
[KNOCKING ON DOOR.]
How is everything going? Itâs, um, itâs interesting.
Iâm used to being the one giving the notes, not getting them.
But theyâre good.
Our best and brightest.
So welcome aboard, Quinn.
We are, uh, excited to have you here.
- Thank you.
- Iâll leave you to it.
[INHALES.]
We need another chapter about the dating double standard applied to successful women.
Oh, I canât imagine you have trouble dating.
Okay, so as men get more successful, the pool expands.
And for women, letâs just say itâs a paradox.
[SOFT INHALE.]
Is Charles dating anybody? Uh, nothing that heâs been public about.
Mm-mm.
Very single.
- As far as we know.
- Which we donât know, for sure.
Oh, but, officially, singleâs the word.
[SOFT LAUGH.]
Okay.
Well, um, Iâm gonna dash downtown.
I gotta give some advice to my friends at the Federal Reserve.
Oh.
That sounds interesting.
Yeah, only if youâve never met them before.
[PENSIVE ROCK MUSIC.]
Wow, you laid that on a little thick there.
Okay, well, Iâm just doing what you told me to.
- I know, but she - Come on.
I can only keep so many secrets for you, Liza.
Hey.
Leave the door open.
You got it.
Iâm glad you stopped by.
Quinn came in after the meeting to say how impressed she was with the two of you.
Mm, I doubt thatâs the only reason why.
You donât have to sit and look like youâre taking notes.
Iâm not.
Iâm doodling.
- Oh.
- Heâs got sunglasses.
I, um, I think Quinn has a little crush.
- What? - She asked about you.
What did you say? I couldnât say anything.
Next time it comes up, tell her that divorced moms from Jersey are more my style.
What do you think about getting out of the city for the weekend? I would love to, but Iâve been invited to a conference in Sun Valley.
Oh.
Thatâs so cool.
Whatâs it for? Uh, do you have to make a presentation or No, theyâre not too interested in hearing from old media these days.
Okay.
Well, um, well, enjoy your weekend.
I canât kiss you good-bye, so, just [KISSES.]
[SOFTLY.]
Notes? Here you go.
- Thank you.
- Welcome.
Diana, hi.
I was I was just giving Charles some thoughts on Sun Valley.
What thoughts could you possibly have? Charles, I just emailed you talking points.
Smile, and donât suffer through every photo, especially with Bezos and Cook but not Zuckerberg, heâs taken enough.
From all of us.
[SOFT LAUGH.]
Oh, um, from one of my girls.
Lovely.
Such large lips.
Must be Nicole.
[PLAYFUL UPBEAT MUSIC.]
Liza.
Call Sant Ambroeus.
I need a knockout Italian dish.
And put it in one of those casserole containers so it looks homemade.
Enzoâs mother invited me to a family potluck, and she will be judging me with all of her unibrow.
Oh, well, Maggie could help.
Her lasagna is legendary.
The first time I ate it, I cried.
Crying is good.
Inducing a major cardiac event would be better.
- Call Maggie.
- Okey-dokey.
[UPBEAT JAZZY MUSIC.]
[INDISTINCT CHATTER.]
[SOFT LAUGH.]
- Wowzers.
- Jeez Louise.
I know, itâs so much better than that man cave crack den that it was before.
Oh, yeah, it never felt safe to sit.
Oh, no, I used to come down here and just wet-wipe everything.
- Smart.
- Yeah.
Whereâs the man of the hour? Over there by face tat.
- BOTH: Ugh.
- Josh? - Hey.
- Hi! Oh, my gosh.
- You made it.
- I wouldnât have missed it.
This is incredible.
How did you do all this? Oh, it, uh, took a little bit of time, but you wouldnât know that âcause you havenât really been around.
Uh, hey, uh, this is this is Skye.
- Hey.
- Sheâs another tattoo artist.
She specializes in do-overs.
Oh, like tattoo removal? More like repurposing.
I redesign regret.
Ah.
Have any tattoos, Liza? I do, but none that I regret.
Yeah, I got one for her; she got one for me.
It was supposed to be for her birth year, but we, uh, got the details a little fuzzy.
Yeah.
Still tells a story, right? - It does.
- I love the line work.
- Thanks.
- Did they use a ten coil? Uh, sheâs a 12, actually.
Gorgeous.
How long did this take? I donât know, she blasted through it in like 45 minutes.
- Wow, thatâs incredible.
- Yeah.
- [GLASS CLINKING.]
- Excuse me, everyone.
- Uh, can I get your attention? - Here we go.
Thank you.
Uh, okay, so five years ago, a cute little bumpkin from Fairmont, West Virginia rented this, to be frank, shitty tattoo shop.
- [LAUGHTER.]
- Hey.
And five years later, it has turned into a Williamsburg institution.
Yeah, Josh wonât tell you that heâs been on the cover of magazines in, like, seven countries.
And Josh wonât tell you that he has tattooed Kelly Slater and Demi Lovato [WHISPERS.]
Stop! He will just humbly and skillfully and with his big, romantic heart just transform people.
And now places.
To Inkburg 2.
0.
Mazel Josh.
We love you, dude.
- To Josh! - ALL: To Josh! Thank you, everyone, for coming out tonight.
Uh.
[SIGHS.]
I just want to acknowledge one person in particular, who, uh, really showed up for me.
[GENTLE MUSIC.]
I was ready to walk away from all this.
Uh, she inspired me to not give up, so thank you, Liza.
All right, letâs break this place in! - Drinks are on me.
- [SCATTERED CHEERS.]
- Hey.
- Hey.
Whoa, Caitlin? Caitlin? - Oh.
- Hi.
- Hi, Mom.
[SOFT LAUGH.]
- How did you I, uh, I probably should have told you, - but we wanted to surprise you.
- Yeah.
Oh you two know how I hate surprises.
But this is a nice one.
Iâm glad that you two are in touch.
Well, we know we follow each other on Instagram.
And all the way to the city for this party.
- Thatâs a big effort.
- Um.
Well, Iâm also here for a wedding, um, Iâm invited to with a friend.
Oh, that sounds fun.
Cool.
Where is she? Uh, "he.
" Over there.
Oh, the skater kid? Heâs cute.
[LAUGHS.]
No, not him.
Uh, him.
[PLAYFUL MUSIC.]
Babe.
Babe, uh, this is this is Josh.
This is his place.
Josh, congratulations.
Iâm Greg.
Whatâs up, Greg? And Iâm the mom.
Iâm Iâm Caitlinâs mom.
Iâm Liza.
Oh, uh, wow, itâs really nice to meet you.
- Iâve heard so much about you.
- Really? Will you excuse us for just a minute? Now I know why you wanted to keep this a secret.
Are you serious? I wouldnât introduce you to someone Iâm not serious about.
- He is your fatherâs age.
- No.
Gregâs younger than Dad.
I checked.
Well, he is still too old for you.
Mom, stop.
Look where we are.
I mean, whose place is this? Talk about glass houses.
I thought youâd be cool with this.
Okay.
Can we can we start over? Can we all get together this weekend? Sure.
Letâs do brunch.
Iâll invite Josh too, unless thatâs weird for you? No.
Itâs not weird at all.
[ROUSING ELECTRONIC MUSIC.]
But that is.
[PUNCHY ELECTRONIC MUSIC.]
So, um, [STAMMERS.]
how did you two meet? Um, on campus.
What are you studying, Greg? Um, well, teaching, actually.
Iâm an English professor.
Well, not my English professor.
[SOFT LAUGH.]
Anymore.
Uh, once we started, I switched classes.
- [SIGHS.]
- Mm.
No, we severed our academic relationship to allow for a romantic one.
[SOFT LAUGH.]
[SLURPING.]
- Ready for a refill? - Mm.
Bottomless Bloody Marys, right? [SOFT LAUGH.]
Oh, yeah.
Letâs get our two-hoursâ worth.
- Letâs keep going.
- Fill âem up! - Mm-hmm.
- I love brunch! So, Vassarâs totally cool with teachers dating students or what? Uh, well, we, um, we keep it very private on campus.
So itâs a secret? Just for now.
Or at least until I get tenure.
[SOFT CHUCKLE.]
[PLAYFUL ROCK MUSIC.]
Ah, benvenuta, Diana.
You brought a dish.
That was the assignment.
Lasagna alla Bolognese.
Grazie mille.
[EXHALES.]
[KISSES.]
Come.
Diana, this is the family.
Antonio and Valentina.
Mia, Claudia, Paolo, Paula, Giovanni, Nicoletta, Sandro, and little Roberto.
Little Roberto.
Okay.
No pop quiz.
Promise.
And so, where do you fit in with this beautiful brood? Heâs our baby brother.
And he ainât leaving the nest.
- [SOFT LAUGHTER.]
- Ah.
Diana, you look familiar.
- Have we met before? - I donât Have you ever played cards at the South Shore Country Club? Definitely not.
- I tried your lasagna.
- And? - Come help me in the kitchen.
- Oh.
Just just take the purse.
[PLAYFUL ITALIAN MUSIC.]
Okay.
So, letâs start with the eels.
Usually my fish monger would peel them.
[STAMMERS.]
Peel? Um, these are alive.
But chilled.
That keeps their hearts beating slow.
One whack will fix that.
[TSKS.]
[CLEARS THROAT.]
[HAMMER CLACKS.]
[UPBEAT ELECTRONIC MUSIC.]
Well, thanks for buying us brunch, Mom.
Hey, what kind of parent would I be if I didnât look after my little girl? We should, uh, probably get out of here.
Yeah.
Okay, have fun at the wedding tonight, sweetie.
- Nice meeting you.
- Donât get any ideas.
- Ow, ow okay.
- Yep.
Mm-hmm.
- Bye.
- It was great meeting you.
- Yes.
- Bye, babe.
- BOTH: Bye.
- Yes.
Yes, yes, yes Sheâs living her life to torture me.
You should really try to shut that one down.
Oh I wish parenting worked that way.
Sheâs just gonna do what she wants.
If I try to shut it down, sheâll just shut me out.
Yeah, but you could try, at least.
Yeah, but then and then Iâd be a hypocrite.
- [SIGHS.]
- Why? Because Iâve, um, Iâve been doing the same thing at work with, um, Charles.
What? I thought that deal was over? Not quite.
Oh, uh, so itâs been going on this whole time? Behind my back when we were together? - Behind his wifeâs back when - No.
This time is different.
Weâre being honest with each other.
And I wanted to tell you sooner.
Because Iâm trying to be more real.
Real? Youâre trying to be real? You donât even know what real is anymore.
And anything that you think that you have with Charles right now, thatâs not real.
How can it be when youâre sneaking behind everyoneâs back? I was honest about everything when we were together.
I told everyone about it.
I mean, I wore my heart on my sleeve for you.
I mean, I literally got it tattooed on me.
"Real.
" [DRAMATIC POP MUSIC.]
- Whatâs the matter? - Are you okay? Brunch with Caitlinâ way-too-older man was bad, but the walk home with Josh was worse.
[SIGHS.]
What? What is it? Well, they say bad things come in threes.
This was on Quinn Tylerâs Instagram story today.
We are at Allen and Companyâs conference in Sun Valley, and I have walked out of yet another boring presentation on the end of privacy.
[WHISPERS.]
And I brought a hostage.
I do not approve this message.
[LAUGHS.]
[SOMBER ROCK MUSIC.]
Maybe I did too good of a job covering for you.
Iâm so sorry.
[PLAYFUL ITALIAN MUSIC.]
Diana, mix the Parmigiano in the risotto oh, Madonna, not so much.
And the basil.
Okay, andiamo, andiamo.
Andiamo! Andiamo! Letâs eat! Bravo! - Prego, prego.
- [ALL TALKING.]
No sweat.
Well, a little sweat.
Told you she was something, huh, Ma? Eh.
Oh, we forgot the eel spaghettini.
Iâm up.
Iâll get it.
Donât forget to garnish.
It looks awesome, Ma.
- Yeah? - Yeah.
[SOFT CHUCKLE.]
Eel spaghettini.
[SOFT CHUCKLE.]
You garnished it with cheese.
It is pasta.
It is eel! Who puts cheese on seafood? - Ma, it doesnât matter.
- Oh, Madonna.
She may be smart in the business, but sheâs a dummy in the kitchen.
Okay.
Iâm done.
I am too old to fight.
- Dian - [SOFT CHUCKLE.]
Yeah.
Youâre too old.
Youâre an old lady who canât cook.
Ma! Diana, donât listen to her.
You didnât make that lasagna.
And youâre not right for my son! Youâre not Italian.
Heâs a hardworking man, and he needs a woman who can take care of him, and itâs not you! You are the reason Enzo is single.
You push every woman away.
I am not gonna waste my time trying to impress a mother who has held her son hostage his entire life.
Torment the next woman who comes along.
Ciao a tutti.
[DRAMATIC ORCHESTRAL MUSIC.]
[FERRY RUMBLING SOFTLY.]
Hey.
Howâd you know Iâd take the ferry? Wild guess.
And youâve been humming "Let the River Run" all week.
Iâm sorry, Diana.
Ma shouldnât have said those things.
Sheâs a lot.
No, your brotherâs cologne was a lot.
Your mother was too much.
What can I say? I like strong women.
Enzo, we were foolish to think this would work out.
Weâre from two different worlds.
Yes, we are.
Which is why Iâm moving to yours.
Oh, no, no, no, youâre not moving in with me.
I tried that before.
Believe me, it doesnât end well.
A parrot died.
No.
Iâm getting my own apartment.
In Manhattan.
You were right.
Itâs time.
Give me a chance, please.
Yeah, I have a crazy family, and I might be a late bloomer, but I got a lot to give.
[ROUSING ELECTRONIC MUSIC.]
[SOFT R&B MUSIC.]
- [KEYS CLACKING.]
- [SNIFFS.]
- [KEYS CLACKING.]
- Sambuca.
Just in case we get crazy.
Ugh, I already feel crazy.
What if Charles and I are just a fantasy? And the reality is this, me on the outside looking in, not even a part of my own relationship if this even is a relationship.
I hate seeing you reduced to someoneâs sidepiece.
You deserve better than that.
[KNOCKING ON DOOR.]
- Hey.
- Hey.
- What happened to the wedding? - Oh, Mom, it was so boring.
Everyone was old, and no one danced.
[CRYING.]
He told me to leave.
- What? Why? - Iâll kill him.
Another faculty member from Vassar was there.
We were gonna get busted, and You know, Iâm just so tired of sneaking around campus, and I thought New York would be different.
[TSKS.]
Sweetie, Iâm so sorry.
You deserve better than that.
We both do.
[SOFT DRAMATIC MUSIC.]
Caitlin, itâs time I told you something.
I knew we needed that Sambuca.
I have been secretly dating someone too.
My boss.
Your boss? Where? Maggie said you were a task rabbit.
- Whatâs a task rabbit? - I I panicked, okay? But Iâm not the one on trial here.
The truth is is that Iâm back in publishing.
Oh, well, why didnât you just say that? But I had trouble getting a job, so I lied about my age.
Okay.
How old do they think you are? [LAUGHS.]
Youâre messing with me? Um, Iâm not.
Uh, have they seen you in daylight? Look, Iâve been wanting to tell you, - but - She didnât want to burden you.
Plus, she thought youâd blab.
Right.
Honey, I canât tell you what to do about Greg, but I can tell you from my own experience that itâs better to be in an open and honest relationship.
[GENTLE ACOUSTIC MUSIC.]
We accept the love we think we deserve.
And you deserve much more than this.
[SUBWAY CARS RUMBLING.]
[SOMBER MUSIC.]
Last call to keep it.
Itâs such a pretty dragon to do-over.
No, Iâm done with it.
[BUZZING.]
[UPBEAT ELECTRONIC MUSIC.]
- Hey.
- Hi.
I missed you.
Me too.
But it looked like you had fun in Sun Valley though.
I, uh, saw you on Quinnâs Instagram.
I ran into her.
Wha wait.
Do you think I I donât know what to think.
I mean, I I barely heard from you all weekend, and you clearly spent a lot of time with her.
It was entirely business-related.
She was flirting with you.
She wasnât flirting with me.
She is flirting with making an investment in the company.
Thatâs what we were talking about in Sun Valley.
What? What? Thatâs amazing.
You could have told me that.
After what happened with Kelsey, Iâm trying to keep work and us separate.
And I thought that we agreed that we would keep us quiet for now.
Why do I always I know.
I know we did.
But I [INHALES.]
I just spent the weekend telling my daughter not to be some guyâs secret.
I donât want to be in a relationship I canât be open about.
I understand.
But now is just not the right time.
Was it all for her? Call me when it is.
I wished it for me [PALE HONEYâS "WHY DO I ALWAYS FEEL THIS WAY".]
Will I never learn? Why youâre not for me