Mad Men s05e11 Episode Script

Jaguar, the mistress who'll do things your wife won't.
What did l say before? The client doesn't want to hear the word "mistress.
" Salesmen can use it, but the campaign can't.
Jaguar, you'll love it when you're in it.
Are we just spitting up lines now? You know what? Let's take a break.
Where are you going? What was unclear about the fact that he's taking a break and we're not? l need you to sign off on Secor Laxative.
l told you you were in charge of all ongoing business till Jaguar's done.
-Just handle it.
-Done.
-How's the prospect doing? -ls it lunchtime? Jesus, is it? Mr.
Sterling bought lobster from The Palm.
Doesn't that sound good? Hey.
So, l don't know what the Jaguar executives will say.
But l got dealerships in Montclair, Englewood, Morristown, Paramus and Rutherford.
And l carry three other foreign cars.
So, frankly, creative has to be pretty spectacular or Jaguar is just another word on the sign.
Well, then we have nothing to worry about.
The dealership on the ground floor of the corporate offices on Madison has done very well just having that XK-E in the entrance.
You have to be excited about this car.
Oh, it's a red-hot number.
l'm excited about that.
But l'm a hard man to please.
l always feel like someone should go the extra mile.
We're open to anything your heart desires.
Well, the other day when we were all touring your offices, our guide was a dynamite redhead.
-Joan Harris.
-Built like a B-52.
Yeah, we know who you're talking about.
Well, l sure would like the opportunity to get to know her better.
Well, a lot of guys would.
But, you know, she's She's a very interesting girl.
She's one of these free spirits? You know, open to ideas? So you like redheads? l think l know some.
l like that redhead.
And l think she and l would both welcome the opportunity to spend a night together.
Well, you could ask her out.
lt wouldn't be a conflict.
No, l'm kind of shy.
All l'm saying is, if it happens, it would make me happy.
lf it doesn't, well, no guarantees in life, right? -Get another round.
l'll get it.
-Absolutely not.
-Was that what l think it was? -Yes, it was.
Why didn't you just let me tell him she was married? Because so is he.
And he already knows that.
Well, we wanted to be in the car business.
-You waited up.
-No.
l mean, yes.
l'm going in to read tomorrow for a really good part.
An audition? Why didn't you call? Honestly, because l had to go to 1 0th Avenue to get the script and then l went and talked to Fanny, you know, who teaches my auditioning class.
You're very good at auditions.
Not as good as the girls who get parts.
You know what? Let's talk about your day.
Well, l was gonna watch Carson and cry myself to sleep.
lt'll come to you.
lt always does.
Unless it comes to you.
Do you really want help or you want to yell at me? l don't know yet.
What's the strategy? A Jaguar is beautiful, but unreliable.
lt comes with a tool kit the size of a typewriter.
You basically have to own another car to go places.
So we're saying it's your gorgeous mistress.
So a wife is like a Buick in the garage.
We're trying to make a weakness into a strength.
-We're selling to men.
-No, l got it.
Doesn't being a mistress make the car immoral? The word "mistress" won't be in the ad.
l don't know, but it sounds great.
l need to learn some of this.
There goes the act.
One shot, and there goes the tambourine.
You're here early.
What can l do for you? Nothing.
Nothing, it's just, l got some bad news last night and l was hoping you'd help me deliver it.
What happened? Well, we were having dinner with Herb Rennet.
l think you met him the other day, from Jaguar.
-Handsome guy.
-l don't remember any of them.
Well, l don't know what to do.
He basically pledged he wasn't going to back us.
Why not? Turns out he wanted something we're not prepared to give.
Something very unorthodox.
-Good morning.
-Yes? l'm here.
l'm going to get danish.
What does he want? l feel like l shouldn't even bring this up.
ln fact, l don't know how to bring this up.
But we're going to lose Jaguar unless an arrangement is made, and it involves you and, well, Herb.
How did that come up? He said he was crazy about you and then he just asked.
And then l thought we were past it, but right before we put him in a cab, he said it again and it was quite conditional.
A night with you or no vote.
Well, l'm sorry to hear that.
Anyway, if you can think of some way to break the news to the company that we're out of this, l'd really appreciate it.
You're unbelievable.
l'm married.
How would you feel if someone asked Trudy? l didn't bring this up.
He did.
lf you're not interested in the idea at all, l appreciate lt's just lt seems to me that there's something that could be worth the sacrifice.
We're talking about a night in your life.
We've all had nights in our lives where we've made mistakes for free.
You're talking about prostitution.
l'm talking about business at a very high level.
Do you consider Cleopatra a prostitute? Where do you get this stuff? She was a queen.
What would it take to make you a queen? l don't think you could afford it.
This was an act of desperation.
l hope l haven't insulted you.
That's all that matters to me.
l understand.
Scarlett, we're ready.
Now, we can't get Ginsberg out for the call, so we want you to pretend you're his junior.
-Partner? -Supervisor.
l have Mr.
Rick Swanson from Chevalier Blanc cologne on speaker.
Hi, Rick.
lt's Kenny.
l'm here on a speaker with Harry Crane and Peggy Olson, Mr.
Ginsberg's supervisor, and we want to know why you want to pull the ad.
-Hello, everyone.
-Hi, Rick.
Hello.
We're very happy with the work, but sales have leveled off since the holidays.
lt's Harry.
And, you know, Valentine's Day is coming up.
A girl can't get a guy flowers.
Why would a woman buy a man anything for Valentine's Day? Rick, it's Peggy.
l think you're right.
The target of "A hard day's night" was men, but we can easily change that.
How do you do that? Hello? What if it's our leatherjacket hero running down the street being chased by screaming girls and instead ofjumping into a bar, he comes upon Lady Godiva on a horse as naked as we are allowed to make her? And he stops short, but she leans down and picks him up and puts him on the horse and rides away with him.
What's the tagline? lt's something about how, you know, the right woman loves Chevalier Blanc.
So it's exactly the same except for the ending? And maybe Paris instead of London.
Ooh-la-la.
A French song.
Close the door, please.
Herb Rennet has demanded to spend a night with Joan.
And l don't mean dinner and dancing.
He just came right out and said that? Who is he? He's the head of the Dealers Association.
And l hope you told him to take a long walk.
There's three votes.
We only need two.
l thought about that.
But all he has to do is say he can't sell cars with our campaign and neither marketing nor the factory will fight him.
-So? -So l brought up the subject with Joan.
-You what? -Now, relax.
She seemed more amused than shocked.
And it's my opinion, if we brought her the right amount So you thought you'd have us in here for coffee and talk about this? What's the problem if she's amenable? She said she'd do it? She said we couldn't afford it.
She has a husband in Vietnam and a baby at home.
And the work will be good enough to win on its own.
-Plus, it's not a guarantee.
-No, it's not.
lt's a guarantee we won't get it if we don't.
You have some nerve to even ask her.
That's right.
And you should be thanking me because we've come too far and are too close to turning this place into what it should be.
Now we're going to walk away? Over what? He's one guy and we can win it without him.
End of discussion.
Speaking of one guy, how does everyone else feel? l'd love to approach her with, say, a 1 0 % finder's fee on the first year's commission.
That's $50,000.
A flattering amount which begs no negotiation.
l'm not going to stand in the way, but l am not paying for it.
Not even with our Christmas bonuses? Maybe Jaguar wasn't meant to be? l say we take our bonuses and move on.
This is a car.
You cannot put a dollar figure on its significance.
Extend our credit line.
Say it's for Jaguar.
Well, why don't l look into it to see what we can afford so you may approach her in the morning with something definitive? So, we're 75% of this company.
There's no need to create a conspiracy by having a vote, is there? Don't fool yourself.
This is some very dirty business.
Let her know she can still say no.
You know what? We're not doing this mistress thing.
lt's vulgar.
We're going back to racing heritage.
-Why? -People think writers horse around because they're coming up with ideas.
But, actually, it's because they're horsing around.
Now knock off the grab-ass and give me some lines.
And don't try to reuse these.
They do not apply.
Hey, skipper.
You got five seconds? Five seconds is not enough time to sit down.
Good news.
Chevalier Blanc wants to do a pool-out.
-Great.
-Peggy was incredible.
She came up with this Lady Godiva bit on the spot.
But in the end, we're doing the same ad as before, but in Paris.
The guy has a beret.
Bid it out.
Ginsberg should be free by then.
Be nice to get him out of here.
Ginsberg? l thought of this.
-lt's his account.
-So l guess l'm not in charge of everything.
Jesus, Peggy, you know what? You want to go to Paris? Here.
Go to Paris.
l'm not crying.
l didn't think that.
What, we're all suddenly interested in each other's lives? l know for a fact that Jaguar's not going to happen.
And he probably does, too.
-l don't care.
-l'll get you to Paris.
And if l don't, we'll both get out of here.
You and your stupid pact.
Save the fiction for your stories.
What can l do for you? May l? Signing Jaguar would be disastrous for the financial health of this company.
You have to stop being afraid.
lt would be a defining moment for our business.
We don't want it that badly.
-All right, get out.
-lt bears discussion.
l don't know what you're talking about.
Now get out.
Well, l'm sorry that there was a discussion.
But when a company is planning on spending $50,000, there needs to be a discussion.
You were all in there talking about it? Why does it matter if you have no intention of action? l don't want them to know l was asked.
Roger Sterling participated in this discussion? Yes.
He's a partner.
lf you're against it, why did you tell me that number? Sounds like a joke.
Because that may be enough money to turn your head, and l wanted a chance to discourage you.
lt is a lot of money, Lane.
lt's four times what l make in a year.
l suppose you wouldn't even be tempted.
Well, if l were, l would try to avoid the mistake that l've made my entire life.
Every time someone's asked me what l wanted, l've never told them the truth.
And what would you want? Three years ago, when l was essential to the future of this firm, l settled for much less than l needed.
The cash would only cripple the company and would do very little to change your future.
But a partnership yielding a 5% stake in the company itself could take care of a woman and a child for a lifetime.
Here l thought you were trying to stop this because you have feelings for me.
That's why l'm looking out for your interests over the company's.
"Good night, nobody.
"Good night, mush.
"And good night to the old lady whispering 'hush.
"' Hey.
How's it going? You want to help us out? Throw some taglines at the wall? How about, "Jaguar, it's your problem, not mine.
" May l speak with you? So that's Megan.
Be careful what you say.
We're best friends.
So, you're wearing your audition dress.
What are you hoping l can do for you? You noticed.
l've only bad associations with letting you leave the house in that.
There's probably 20 girls.
And Julia's coming with me.
Plus, he's a fairy.
So whatever this is, it's not for me.
l want to walk in there with confidence.
l could be in a bikini and you could paint my body with spots.
Jaguar, try to tame it.
-Don't try and tame it.
-Here, kitty, kitty.
So, she just comes and goes as she pleases, huh? Ginsberg.
What? Yeah, l got it.
You can unplug that if you want.
Aren't l interrupting your routine without me? Don't be cranky.
l was in a great mood when l left work.
Now l'm just exhausted.
So let's go to bed.
lf and when we get Jaguar, l'm going to need an apartment in the city.
Absolutely not.
lt's an epic poem for me to get home.
And you're dressed for bed at dinner.
Peter, let's stop playing games.
What are you talking about? l'm tired of competing.
Your love affair with Manhattan is over.
Well, how can you stand living out here in this cemetery? There's nothing to do.
There's no good night noises anywhere.
Because l want to raise my child in the fresh air.
And we should have another on the way.
l mean, it was a miracle the first time and we're not even trying.
l'm using all my energy putting my foot down.
lt's 8:00.
Where were you? What's that smell? The refrigerator is on the fritz.
l had to take everything out.
Did you call someone? His wife won't let him come here anymore.
l don't want to talk about that.
We can afford to have someone else fix the refrigerator, for God's sake.
Why won't anyone believe me? Apolo and l are just friends.
You know what? Just hire someone.
Get a colored girl in here.
They're used to being bossed around.
Do whatever you want.
And what are you doing? Drying up inside? Because of what? Greg? l hate him.
l don't want you talking that way around Kevin.
He's a baby.
He doesn't know that we all wish his father was dead.
Please, stop.
Have you been drinking? Yes.
Sit down.
Little Murders called.
Four of us got callbacks.
l'm supposed to go meet the playwright tomorrow.
That's fantastic.
-That's a big deal.
-l know.
You have to promise you'll come visit every weekend.
You're going to Broadway, not jail.
No, rehearsal starts in Boston in 1 0 days.
Oh, forget it.
l'm getting ahead of myself.
Boston? Yeah, l think there's eight weeks of rehearsals plus previews.
So you're just gonna leave for three months? -lf they want me.
-Well, forget it.
What do you think this is? You think l'm gonna be a singing waitress.
Maybe put on a show in the laundry room? l have to go to work.
You never thought about it because you didn't expect me to make it.
This is the way it works.
Now you know.
Just keep doing whatever the hell you want.
Please, come in.
You didn't have to make an appointment, you know.
Yes, l did.
Tell them l want a partnership, not silent, comprising 5% of the business.
-Well -There's no negotiation.
Okay.
l want documents by the end of the day.
l don't know if that's possible.
Well, l'm not guaranteeing results.
l don't think he'll have trouble performing.
He's quite ardent.
l meant winning the business.
Yes, of course.
So, l have instructions, but l don't know how this works in a practical sense.
The presentation's tomorrow, isn't it? So l just call him and have him call you? Probably not.
Well, how do l Figure something out.
Do l have to do all of it? Which one is he? He's not bad.
He's doing this.
Come in.
l know l'm not a manager, but it's very hard to get things done with you in another room.
Well, l obviously have the opposite feeling.
Permission to speak freely? What? l know you forbid us from thinking about the mistress, but l kept imagining the asshole who's gonna want this car.
Now he's probably already got a lot of beautiful things.
Or maybe he thinks the car will help him get them.
So l can go on? And one way or another, what he has isn't enough.
So no matter what, the first idea has got to be finally, like, you're getting what you wanted.
The copy is still describing the car as another woman.
But a woman you can't have, because they have all the qualities of a Jaguar.
Good-looking, expensive, fast, and, frankly, not practical.
l've always been fine with all that.
But what's the line? "Jaguar.
At last, something beautiful you can truly own.
" So he threw the money in your face? l don't even want to talk about it.
l've never had more responsibility.
l'm on everything but Jaguar.
l worked on Plymouth at N.
W.
Ayer.
Car guys are a bunch of creeps.
They're all a bunch of creeps.
Could l get some more coffee? l can never tell, ballerina, if you're ambitious or you just like to complain.
Why can't it be both? Well, if this was about work and not feelings, you'd make a move.
You're right.
l could take a couple of meetings and get an offer and throw that in Don's face.
Or you can do what everybody else does.
Have a bunch of meetings, pick a place and leave.
Don't think l haven't thought about it.
Well, you'd get to find out if you could shine elsewhere.
And l know you can.
And you'd let him know that you're not some secretary from Brooklyn who's dying to help out.
l don't know if l can do that.
Sure, you could.
You could hire a headhunter or you could buy a friend a piece of pie.
Of course, if you do move, you can't complain if l gave Draper a call on my own behalf.
What if Don finds out you helped me? Don's a big boy.
lf he was having this conversation with you and he wasn't the subject of it, he'd tell you to leave in a second.
Thanks.
l've seen the campaign and it's something l couldn't have imagined, yet exactly what l expected.
Thank you.
And l want you to present in the fullest confidence.
l think it's a winner.
Well, all l wanted to say was we've removed all other impediments.
But you do know, no matter what else goes on, it's the creative that's going to win this.
Close the door.
lt was four to zero.
You abstained in absentia.
The conversation doesn't end just because you leave the room.
What did you promise her? A 5% stake as a voting partner.
Dawn, could you buzz Mrs.
Harris? She's not here.
Actually, Dawn, could you get my things? Yes, you should be well rested.
l don't want it like this.
lt was her idea.
Hello.
Hello.
l'm Don Draper.
l work with Joan.
ls she in? Yes, of course.
Please come in.
What? She'll be right with you.
-l should take your coat.
-l won't be long.
Well, l will leave you two alone.
l'm really sorry to bother you if this is a bad time.
Well, l was just stepping into the shower, but how can l help you? l wanted to tell you that it's not worth it.
And if we don't get Jaguar, so what? Who wants to be in business with people like that? l was told everyone was on board.
l said no and they voted when l left the room.
You're a good one, aren't you? So you understand what l'm saying? Yes, l do.
l'm all right.
And thank you.
So you have a nice night, and l'm gonna go prepare.
-Say good night to your friend.
-Good luck tomorrow.
You must get tired of hearing what a beautiful thing this car is.
But l've met a lot of beautiful women in my life.
And despite their protestations, they never tire of hearing it.
But when deep beauty is encountered, it arouses deep emotions because it creates a desire, because it is, by nature, unattainable.
You look radiant, Joan.
May l call you Joan? l'm Herb, by the way.
Well, l should hope so.
We're taught to think that function is all that matters.
But we have a natural longing for this other thing.
l got you a little something.
l thought a woman with your complexion would look good in emerald.
When l was driving the E-Type, l passed a 1 0-year-old boy in the back window of a station wagon and l watched his eyes follow.
He'd just seen something he would want for the rest of his life.
l feel like a sultan ofAraby and my tent is graced with Helen of Troy.
Those are two different stories.
He'd just seen that unattainable object speed by just out of reach.
Because they do that, don't they? Beautiful things.
You know, l don't know how much longer l can restrain myself.
Let me see them.
Then l thought about a man of some means reading Playboy or Esquire.
And flipping past the flesh to the shiny painted curves of this car.
There was no effort to stop his eye.
The difference is he can have a Jaguar.
Well, thank you for a wonderful time.
You're a hell of a gal.
Oh, this car, this thing, gentlemen, what price would we pay? What behavior would we forgive? lf they weren't pretty, if they weren't temperamental, if they weren't beyond our reach and a little out of our control, would we love them like we do? "Jaguar.
"At last, something beautiful you can truly own.
" What? Mr.
Draper is here to see you.
Why'd you tell him l was here? He's your boss.
You should see him.
Well, l will leave you two alone.
l'm really sorry to bother you if this is a bad time.
Well, l was just stepping into the shower, but how can l help you? l wanted to tell you that it's not worth it.
And if we don't get Jaguar, so what? Who wants to be in business with people like that? How'd it go? -We'll see.
-lt was one of his good ones.
-Come have a drink? -Maybe later.
-Where are you from? -New York.
Turn around, please.
Could you step forward, sweetheart, and turn around, please? You know, l would have taken you anywhere.
Well, no one comes in here.
The food's too bad.
We're not actually gonna eat here, are we? l'm not hungry.
Freddy Rumsen says you are.
And so does Tom Vogel.
You know we have Clearasil.
ln fact, he sung your praises while he was yelling at me that the work wasn't as good anymore.
That was my first account.
Everybody else is gonna want to know if you're married or planning on having a baby.
And then they're gonna want to know how much you want to be paid.
But all l want to know is, you must have heard some pretty terrible things about me from Don Draper's mouth.
But why would you want to play for the other team? lt's not a game.
lt's my career.
Look, l need a writer.
They don't have to be like me, but Do you know anything about Ralph Waldo Emerson? From school.
He said that you have to be a transparent eyeball.
What he meant was, you have to take in the world and pass it through you.
l am tired of people who treat this like math.
l looked at your book and l saw somebody who was writing like every product was for them.
No clichés, no homilies, no formula.
Well, l had a lot of help.
Everybody does.
So l lied to you.
What do you want to get paid? Freddy tell you to do this? You already know you want to go.
You know how much you'll do it for.
And you didn't make me wait.
l'm going do you the same favor.
lf this is your last meeting.
l think l need a chocolate shake.
First day of work ends with you and me at La Caravelle.
-You're here.
-l'm here.
How'd it go? How did yours go? We're waiting to hear.
l bet you were great.
l bet you were, too.
-The difference is l want you to get it.
-Stop it.
Well, you get to disappear for work whenever you want.
And if l have to choose between you and that, l'll choose you.
But l'll hate you for it.
You know l don't want you to fail.
Good.
Because l'm not going to.
Don't run away like that.
Good morning, Mr.
Draper.
Miss Olson wants to see you.
Peggy, come on in.
-D'Arcy's out.
-Says who? Arthur's girl told me on the QT.
She said he was in his office crying.
Jaguar is calling the president of every agency.
-Dancerjust got a big "No, thanks.
" -D'Arcy is out, too.
Get the partners in my office and wait for further instructions.
Roger Sterling's office.
l want all the partners here.
You can't leave him on hold.
Where's Pete? Just answer it.
Hello? Hugh, how are you this morning? l'm glad to hear that.
We like him, too.
-Well, that is terrific news.
-Bravo.
-This is spectacular.
-Great.
We'll be over this afternoon to kiss the bride.
He said it wasn't even close.
-Well, congratulations to everyone.
-We got to get champagne.
l promise you they're opening it right now.
Before everybody's too drunk, l need a list of names.
l promised them we'd staff up immediately and we're going over there today.
Can't we wait to see what the scope of the campaign will be? ls this about the bonuses again? There are no bonuses this year.
Now, next year Joan, shall we address the men? Congratulations.
You wanted to talk to me? You're not busy? l'm not in the mood.
You really have no idea when things are good, do you? l swear, l don't really need to talk right now.
Drink with me.
l have to talk about something kind of serious.
l can't put a girl on Jaguar.
These car guys l just can't.
-But, you know -lt's not that.
ls this about Joan being made partner? What? The circumstances She's been with us 1 3 years.
l want you to know that the day you saw something in me my whole life changed.
And since then, it's been my privilege to not only be at your side, but to be treated like a protégée and for you to be my mentor and my champion.
But? But l think l've reached a point where it's time for me to have a new experience.
Really? l'm giving my notice.
l've accepted another offer.
-Are you done? -l'm giving the customary two weeks.
My last day will be the third.
-And don't think -Hold on.
lt's been crazy around here and l know l've been taking you for granted.
And, frankly, l'm impressed.
You finally picked the right moment to ask for a raise.
lt's time for me to move on.
Come on.
l'm serious.
You're serious? lt wasn't easy.
l'm sure it wasn't.
Well, good for you.
Where are you going? Cutler Gleason and Chaough.
Perfect.
Okay.
Well, let's pretend l'm not responsible for every single good thing that's ever happened to you, and you tell me the number or make one up and l'll beat it.
There's no number.
There's no number? How long do you want to play this out? l'm sorry, but you know this is what you would do.
You don't need to wait until the third.
l've got a room full of freelancers out there.
l'll get by.
l understand.
Don't be a stranger.