Madam Secretary (2014) s05e11 Episode Script

1 Previously on Madam Secretary We're renewing our vows.
- The hour and the minute we picked has - Because it was the minute that we both knew that we were getting married: 8:22.
It was actually this joke that I told that really sealed the deal.
Oh! (YELLS) WIN: legalization of marijuana is the best way for the U.
S.
to weaken the Mexican cartels.
JAY: Arizona governor Barker implemented a new policy of separating children from parents who illegally cross the border.
CARLOS: I am staunchly against the federal government undermining a state's authority to regulate - its own border.
- Come on, Senator, you know there are a million reasons the federal government has to be in charge of the border.
RICHARD: You are trespassing on Arizona state property.
ELIZABETH: If desperate asylum seekers aren't free from being detained unfairly in this state, why should I? (SIGHS) I guess you're accustomed to this sort of thing.
Oh, Christ.
I meant social justice, not Oh, Jesus, I just said "Christ.
" And "Jesus"! I'm My mother always said, "Don't call him unless you need him," - so I think it's appropriate.
- (SIGHS) And yes, it isn't my first arrested-for-protesting rodeo, but it is the first time with a presidential cabinet member.
Well, we did what we had to do.
I think it was Saint Augustine who said, "In the absence of justice, what is sovereignty but organized robbery?" - My husband is a religious scholar.
- I'm well aware.
I consider him a foremost authority on Saint Francis.
Oh.
That is so gonna make his day.
(BOTH CHUCKLE) I understand speaking out, but why did you allow yourself to get arrested? I have to believe you have some connections.
What I saw in that detention center crossed a line I never thought our country would cross, and I felt obligated to make the world pay attention.
I feel like the soul of our country is at stake.
I agree.
And souls are my business.
McCord, Elizabeth Adams.
That's me.
Turn to the side.
RUSSELL: Not exactly how we drew it up.
Cable news is losing its mind, and this may very well be the meme that breaks the Internet.
Governor Barker's gone too far.
Yeah, what else is new? I'm sorry, but this is what happens when a self-promoting, D.
C.
-hating, malignant narcissist gets his paws on a national issue.
And we should have anticipated it! The arrest is drawing attention to the issue.
Oh, fantastic.
The families are still separated.
The Mexican border deal is-is dead.
President Zaragoza is talking U.
N.
resolutions against us and practically sending troops to the Arizona border! And our once-popular, future-president Secretary of State is behind bars! I'm not sure how much attention all that's worth, Professor.
Russell, history has taught us that we must confront injustice head-on when we find it.
That's exactly what Elizabeth is doing.
What, by wandering miles beyond her mandate as Secretary of State? - Literally! - I would argue that what she is doing is precisely her mandate.
She swore to uphold the Constitution.
Arizona's separation policy represents an institutional erosion of civil and human rights.
- It threatens our way of life.
- I don't like what Barker's doing any more than you do, but there's more than one way to skin a cat.
Mainly, not in jail! Jail might be precisely the way to skin this cat, because it is noisy.
Look, the bellwether of a crumbling democracy is always a violation of human rights.
Look at Nazi Germany.
North Korea.
Ghana under Kwame Nkrumah.
- Iraq under Saddam Hussein.
- I think it's a little premature to be lamenting the death of our democracy.
That is exactly what everyone said in those countries as human rights eroded.
All right, fine.
But your wife is torching her chances of becoming president and saving our franchise from lunatics like Barker.
Those mug shots won't exactly look good on a campaign poster, but you can bet her opponents will be printing them up on T-shirts! Enough.
How do we put a stop to Barker and reunite the families? Right now I'm considering sending in the National Guard.
Sir, I I think that would be playing right into Barker's hands.
I agree.
He's already elevated his stature by taking on Elizabeth.
And who the hell outside of Arizona even heard of this guy before today? That's right.
Now that this has blown up, Mr.
President, any attention from you will give him even more notoriety.
Well, what, then? I need a plan of attack.
(SIGHS) Unfortunately, I think it's best not to attack, sir.
Better to avoid a public showdown.
Let this fire burn itself out.
Meanwhile, we work to get Elizabeth released, and de-escalate the situation focus on fighting the family separations in court.
(SIGHS): Fine.
Let's send an army of White House lawyers to handle it.
I'd like to send Mike B.
To represent Elizabeth personally.
And I'm gonna go down there, too.
Of course.
Fresh printouts.
I divided them into domestic - Mm-hmm.
- and international.
Oh.
And the mug shot is officially a meme.
- Fantastic.
- No shooting the messenger.
- Hey, Stevie.
- Frankie.
Hi.
Hey, uh, Russell wanted me to give you these talking points before the press conference.
Yeah, I got his e-mail.
I mean, you didn't need to hand-deliver it.
I actually kind of wanted an excuse to get in here.
I need your help.
I-It's not about anything happening today it's for the party, the vow renewal.
Yeah, this is me staring incredulously at you - even before I know what the problem is.
- The band cancelled at the last minute, and I can't find anyone to replace them.
You're worried about a band when your mother is in jail? Mike B.
is on that.
I'm sure that she will be out in no time.
But this party is unstoppable.
I was thinking I was remembering, really last year when you and Blake and Jay - No.
- came and sang at our holiday party.
- Nope.
- Why not? Because that was people singing around a piano for atmosphere.
You did notice the significant lack of dancing.
Maybe if you guys picked up the pace? Okay, even if I thought it was a good idea, I don't have time to learn a bunch of songs.
- Why don't you hire a deejay? - It just feels so impersonal.
Stevie, if your mother gets out of jail in time, I'm sure she'll be happy with Spotify.
Sorry.
I got to go.
It's just that it's tomorrow night, and they really want a band, and Laser Dawn was perfect.
They were one of the top cover bands in D.
C.
specializing in '70s covers, including and especially Peter Frampton's "Baby, I Love Your Way," which is my mom's favorite.
Really? Not judging.
- Also Bee Gees, "How Deep Is Your Love.
" - Huh.
So now I am just, like, on my knees to all these second-rate bands, and I'm just getting nothing but no.
Even knowing who your mom is? Well, I didn't tell them that.
I thought - I wasn't supposed to.
- Are you kidding me? Lead with that.
It's the only way to get anything done in this town.
- Aim higher, girl.
- Okay.
(WHISPERS): Thanks.
MAN: How long will the secretary be in jail? WOMAN: Was Secretary McCord acting under the direction DAISY: Secretary McCord was acting on behalf of the administration.
Oh.
- You okay? - I'm fine.
Yeah.
You know when I told you to focus on voter intensity, this isn't exactly what I had in mind.
Can we just whistle past the reprimand, please? Fine.
I have arranged for you a plea deal.
You plead guilty to misdemeanor trespass, you'll be released immediately with a small fine.
Oh, God, this isn't viewed with gratitude, is it? I can't plead guilty.
- You so can.
- I can't.
You plead guilty.
Not only does it go against my integrity, but it sets a bad precedent with respect to federal authority.
I was just doing my job.
I was escorting a foreign dignitary to check on his citizens.
Okay, well, just so you and your integrity are aware, you will be charged with felony trespass and you can kiss POTUS good-bye.
That's not lost on me, Mike.
I have a few dozen calls to make.
I'll let you think about that.
Henry, the faces of those kids.
The world has to see that.
They have to really get it.
And if I if I plead guilty, the headlines will pull - to the wrong thing.
- But you have to consider what you've already accomplished.
People are aware, and you can do a lot more good outside of jail.
Not to mention the good you can do in the world as president.
- Are you willing to risk that? - I think that viral mug shot's probably already blown that out of the water.
That's just an image.
That'll go away.
A felony conviction, that's another matter.
Well, whose side are you on? I support any decision you make.
You've got to follow your conscience.
JFK said, "There's something immoral about abandoning your own judgment.
" I think that was JFK in a movie.
- Either way, it's a good point.
- It is.
BAILIFF: Calling case number 3247.
The People of the State of Arizona v.
Elizabeth McCord.
(CHATTER, APPLAUSE) (PEOPLE WHOOPING) - (GAVEL BANGS) - JUDGE: Order, please.
I know this is exciting, but, uh, pipe down, folks.
Good afternoon, Judge Collins.
Harley Johnson on behalf of the People.
Michael Barnow for Secretary McCord.
(QUIETLY): God help me.
Good afternoon, Secretary McCord.
Good afternoon, Your Honor.
How do you plead to the charge of one count misdemeanor criminal trespass? You know it's not too late to talk about this Don't need to.
Not guilty.
In that case, Judge, since defendant is not availing herself of our plea offer, the People would like to proceed with one charge of felony criminal trespass.
- (GALLERY GASPS) - Understood.
How do you plead to that, ma'am? - Bess, for the love of God - Not guilty.
- (GROANS) - Sorry about him, Your Honor.
JUDGE: I've had worse.
Now out of respect for your position as Secretary of State, I order you released from custody immediately on your own recognizance, no bail, provided that you promise to appear for all future courtroom proceedings.
No, Your Honor.
- Bess, come on.
- Excuse me, ma'am, are you refusing my my orders? I-I mean no disrespect, Your Honor.
But I'm going to refuse to leave prison until all the detained children are reunited with their parents.
(APPLAUSE, LIVELY CHATTER) MAN: Yeah! (PEOPLE WHOOPING) Okay, then.
And, Your Honor, if you don't mind, could I just say a couple of words before I go to jail? Go for it.
No one should rest until this inhumane practice is stopped.
All Arizonans, all Americans should make their voices heard.
In fact, I am certain that if every American could see what is happening inside the Arizona State Detention Facility in Sasabe, they would do everything they could to end it.
Because this is not who we are.
(APPLAUSE) Thank you, Your Honor.
I appreciate it.
(CHEERING) Okay, then.
Trial date's set for one week from today.
RUSSELL: and suddenly, she's Gandhi and Joan of Arc all rolled into one.
Only now, she's martyring the whole damn administration.
Excuse me, Jay Whitman.
Great.
The crack team leader.
- What the hell happened to you? - Oh, I was playing basket Oh, forget it; I don't care.
Look, the secretary is torching her storied career, and now we, the grown-ups, have to wall off the rest of the State Department and the administration.
Limit the blast radius by disavowing her actions.
She's standing up for the rights of children, Russell.
Said the man who can barely stand.
Sit down, already.
I have no quibble with what's in her heart.
My problem is she's flying solo when we all need to be rowing together.
I I'm aware of the mixed metaphor.
The point is, if she's going down in flames, she is not gonna take the administration with her.
And if that-that hearing was any indication, her trial next week is gonna be a three-ring media circus, which is bad for the business of government.
We need a nice choral trio.
Polite.
Ordered.
Calming.
People get nervous when their government is devouring the headlines every day.
It's bad for the country.
Arizona's child separation policy is worse.
It demands a noisy response, maybe even a circus.
I didn't call you here for your opinion, all right? - Too bad.
(GROANS) Ugh.
- I need you For God's sake, sit down.
(SIGHS) Say what you want to say.
The president should issue a statement of support for the secretary, get behind her, because some issues transcend politics as usual and demand Whoa, whoa, whoa.
Stop, stop, stop.
Y-You think I don't care about what's going on with those kids? If I had my way, Governor Barker would be on his way to The Hague.
But this, this is about process, and what's best for our democracy.
- I couldn't agree more.
- Okay.
Look.
You might be in my shoes one day soon.
The point is, the job isn't about doing what's right.
It's about doing what's best.
And that is right.
Is cynicism a prerequisite for the job? Cynical pragmatism.
Looking at every issue from every possible angle all at once, and then figuring out what's best for the country.
Okay? So no one's leaving this room until we're all on the same page.
Now, where are we on-on challenging Arizona's detention policy? ADELE: Sorry, but you need to see this.
What? She was arrested again? Mm.
A guard from the Arizona Detention Center just released it.
(DETAINEES COUGHING, CRYING) (RUSSELL SIGHS) Holy mother of God.
(LOCK BUZZING) CHILD: Mama.
Mama.
And he made a statement to the press.
If the Secretary of State is willing to go to jail to shed light on this situation, then I can't stay silent.
The world needs to know.
And now they do.
I stand with Secretary McCord.
(CHEERING) (CHEERING CONTINUES) (VIDEO STOPS) Okay, now that changes things.
Public opinion is turning against you, Governor.
The latest snap poll taken in the last hour shows that 90% of Americans are against family separations.
I don't govern by polls, Mr.
President.
Fair enough.
But I think we can agree that your sheriff took things too far by arresting Secretary McCord.
No, sir.
Law's the law.
None of us is above it.
Clearly, we don't see eye to eye on much.
But how about this? I can offer you a seat at the table with a coalition of border governors to provide meaningful input on the border security deal with Mexico.
We both know that that's what this is really about.
And I'm willing to compromise, providing you reunite the families and release Secretary McCord today.
Let's get past this ugliness and work together.
You think my base wants compromise? I get 10,000 folks at my rallies in Tucson.
And they are tired of mamby-pamby politicians willing to sell their souls based on the latest poll.
Now, you want a deal? Here it is: rip up that feckless immigration bill you signed over the summer, and then we can get real about border security.
You know that's not going to happen, Governor.
Then I guess we have nothing to talk about.
(DALTON SIGHS) Son of a bitch.
He wants to go to war, fine.
I want all options on the table.
And I can't worry about how much attention this brings to Barker.
We have to end this even if it means getting in the mud.
RUSSELL: Then I say we go after the man.
Directly.
Personally.
Take him in.
- Investigate his taxes? - Don't tempt me.
Look, if we're gonna do this quickly, we need to draw blood.
There has to be some federal statue somewhere that Barker's breaking by detaining all these people extrajudicially.
Okay.
You really want to ratchet things up and play hardball? We argue that this current policy Barker is enforcing is beyond the scope of his mandate as chief executive of the state.
- To what end? - Well, normally, a sitting governor is shielded from personal liability as long as he's acting in his official capacity.
But we argue that this separation policy is such an egregious violation of human rights and so completely outside the scope of the state's domain that, by definition, Barker is acting beyond his role as governor by ordering it.
And we charge him with kidnapping.
Isn't that a bit of a stretch? Oh, no, it's a lot of a stretch.
- I like it.
- DALTON: Get it in the works.
I'm done with this bastard.
Sure, I'll send you all of the details in an e-mail, and, hopefully, we can confirm tomorrow morning.
That would be great.
All right, bye-bye.
- We smelled dinner.
- (SIGHS) You smelled more than that.
You smelled success.
- Mm.
It smells a lot like vegan chili.
- JASON: Yeah.
Guys, I think I just got Epic Dreamscape.
Well, you know, don't worry.
I think they're close to finding a cure.
That's a band, I hope.
That is not just a band, it is the best wedding band in town.
This is gonna happen.
I'm glad you've made progress, because Jason and I are nowhere on our project.
Yeah.
Because you rejected my stand-up comedy idea, and now you're rejecting my Mad Libs idea.
Because they both equally sucked.
Wha? Guys.
Well, the poem is now the only missing piece.
I'm just more of a visual person.
I'm more of a "this is a dumb idea" person.
Move, move, move.
Okay.
Why don't we just try to do something with Dad's stupid joke? - Like, the exact time of it.
- (PHONE VIBRATING) What rhymes with 8:22? Avian flu.
STEVIE: Oh, my God.
I do not believe this.
I sent out a Hail Mary to Laser Dawn, asking if they would consider reuniting for the Secretary of State and they said yes.
We just went from having no band to being double booked.
Ooh, and apparently, healing the wounds of Laser Dawn.
We are the world, dude.
Oh, man, Daisy wasn't kidding about aiming higher.
- JASON: Yeah.
- ALISON: Mm.
Hey, I got the basket from Win.
Thanks for sending it over.
DAISY (OVER PHONE): He wants you to know he didn't injure you on purpose and he still wants a sit-down with M-Sec.
I'm sure he does.
Hey, did Nolan really pitch charging Barker with kidnapping? And POTUS is champing at the bit.
What's the latest there? Well, the narrative has shifted in her favor, which is good.
But she's still locked up.
It's uncharted territory.
How's the leg? It hurts like hell.
Doc says it'll feel like this for a few days.
I know I'm not getting any sleep tonight.
You should take something.
You have to be on your game tomorrow.
It's gonna be a big day.
Yeah, I know.
I'll think about it.
- All right.
Take care.
- You, too.
Space Jammies Indica gummies.
THC pain cream.
Marijuana edibles.
No way.
- All those baby goats have pajamas? - (GOATS BLEATING ON VIDEO) (LAUGHS) Because they're cold.
Oh, why don't all farm animals have pajamas? Not the cows, but the little ones, anyway.
That's that's so doable.
Idea.
Pajamas for small farm animals.
Pitch to Department of Agriculture.
(PHONE RINGING) Jay Whitman.
Who's this? AUTOMATED VOICE: Hello.
You have a collect call from an inmate of the Arizona Penitentiary.
ELIZABETH (RECORDED): Elizabeth McCord.
(JAY GRUNTS) AUTOMATED VOICE: To accept, say yes.
To decline, say no.
To accept, say yes.
Yes.
Yes.
God, yes.
Ma'am.
Hey, it took you a minute there.
Promise I'll pay you back.
No, it's not that.
I just got confused.
You don't call me from jail every day.
I mean, nobody does.
I mean, not that it's That jail's bad.
You How are you? I'm fine.
I They let me make phone calls whenever I want.
They let Henry get some clothes to me, and they even put a divider around my bed so I have privacy.
- I'm fine.
- (LAUGHS) Jay? Oh.
Sorry.
The image is You sound a little weird.
I'm sorry, ma'am.
These are weird times.
Can't argue with that.
Listen, now that public opinion has swung so decisively against the family separation policy, I think it's worth taking another crack at convincing Morejon to help out with the legislative option.
Unlike Barker, he has national ambitions and he can't afford to define his base so narrowly.
Sure.
Yeah.
We-we It's worth a try.
We don't really have a choice.
I heard you were in the room when the A.
G.
suggested (QUIETLY): going after Barker for kidnapping.
And I think that if we don't do something soon, POTUS will call in the National Guard and that'll trigger the biggest federal-state showdown since the Civil War.
Wow.
Yeah.
So, meet with Morejon first thing in the morning.
And just in case the shift in public opinion isn't enough, try to come up with some I don't know something.
Some extra angle or inducement that can win him over.
Yeah.
Okay.
Yeah.
Okay.
I'll get started on that, like, now.
Sorry to ruin your night.
What do you mean? Wait, what do you mean? I mean that you're gonna have to work late and Yeah.
No.
I mean, that's-that's my pleasure.
It's my job.
It's my job.
Thank you.
That's I'll talk to you soon.
Mm.
Bye.
Oh, my God.
That was hard.
(RINGTONE PLAYS) Hey, Jay.
What's up? I'm on a kind of painkiller.
Congratulations.
So, I don't know if this idea Wait, wait, where are you? I am driving to Aguila - to visit my father.
- Oh.
That's probably not gonna be easy.
- How long has it been? - (EXHALES) Been a couple years.
I'm, uh just hoping for the best.
Okay.
Good luck.
Thanks.
What's your idea? What? Oh, right.
So, M-Sec wants me to meet with Morejon first thing in the morning to take another swing at the legislative option, and I want to know if this idea is good crazy or Jay-you're-fired - crazy.
- (CHUCKLES): Okay.
All right, let's hear it.
Did you know studies have shown that THC outperforms most prescription sedatives and has no side effects? - Did not know.
- Yeah.
You get me ten minutes with your boss, - I-I promise she'll love you for it.
- (CHUCKLES) You might even end up with her job when she's promoted.
- (LAUGHS) - Sorry to interrupt.
Tight window, pal.
Oh, hey, buddy.
Look, look, here's my card.
Call anytime.
Let's get this done.
- I'm feeling it.
- (CHUCKLES) You ever stop? I'm blessed.
I love pot.
Believe in what I preach.
- Thanks for doing this on short notice.
- (PHONE CHIMES) Anytime, brother.
Psyched to be recruited into the fight.
Well, the senator is about to get out of a Presidential Advisory Commission meeting.
Love it.
I'm the king of the ambush.
Not that I ever ambushed you.
That's always a coincidence.
(CHUCKLES) - Just - Yeah.
(EXHALES) Must be how a predator feels, huh? Waiting ever so patiently in the tall grass to pounce.
I'm a lion, Jay.
For my country.
Just don't screw this up.
(DOOR OPENS) Wait for it.
(INDISTINCT CHATTER) Okay, now.
Hey, uh, Senator.
What a coincidence.
- How's that? - I was about to call you.
But if you have a sec now, I'd-I'd love to - run something by you.
- Sure.
Look, first, I want to apologize for the other night, okay? Emotions have been running high, mine especially.
And I'd just really like you to know that I respect that you're in a tough spot.
Okay.
But now the whole country, including most of Arizona, is rallying behind M-Sec and outraged by the policy.
So I-I'd like to revisit the idea of you sponsoring a bill to force Governor Barker's hand.
My position has not changed.
If I may, Senator, I think I have a way for you to help reunite the families and still be tough on immigration.
How's that? I read every speech you've given over the last ten years about illegal immigration, and you always say the biggest underlying cause is the flow of drugs across the border.
That's right.
I have someone I'd like you to meet.
This is Win Barrington.
The pot lobbyist? (LAUGHS) My mom reacted pretty much the same way when I told her what I was doing.
So I get it.
But, Senator, there is no better way to defang the syndicates and gangs trafficking over our borders than to take away their biggest market.
The kingpins are terrified of legalization.
Not only would it cripple their business, it would significantly curtail the flow of all illicit drugs over the border.
Legalization of marijuana in certain states is already weakening the Mexican drug cartels.
And marijuana grown legally in the U.
S.
is cheaper and better than what the cartels are smuggling over the border, which is effectively pricing the cartels out.
I don't make policies based on theories, Mr.
Barrington.
- Where's the evidence - (CHUCKLES) You're right.
That's my bad.
Some people get spun by data.
But here are the numbers.
Ten years ago, U.
S.
Customs and Border Patrol seized over four million pounds of marijuana at the border.
Last year, it was down to less than a million.
And with less cartel activity, violent crime in border states that have legalized marijuana has gone down an average of 13%.
That's why marijuana legalization is directly linked to stronger border security.
861,231 pounds of marijuana were seized at U.
S.
ports of entry in 2017 versus 2.
4 million pounds in 2013 and 4.
3 million pounds in 2009.
Okay.
What does this have to do with me sponsoring a bill to pressure the governor? - Well - You can sponsor two bills.
Be the maverick who reaches across the aisle with a humane solution to family separation and a creative solution to get tough on immigration.
Hold your base and expand it to a broader demo.
WIN: Not only that.
The marijuana lobby is incredibly well-funded.
Um, one of my biggest initiatives as their chief lobbyist is to figure out where best to invest those funds.
You have a tough reelection coming up next cycle, Senator - Win, enough.
Win, Win.
- and I'd like to - Okay.
- So what do you say, Senator? I speak English.
You don't have to treat me like a peasant.
Okay.
Well, I don't (CHUCKLES) I mean, I don't look at it that way.
I'm just proud of both my languages and cultures.
This is your culture now, how you go around in the world.
I was talking about the Irish side.
Your mother always so wild.
How could you turn out any other way? (CHUCKLES): What are you talking about? She wanted me to go to cotillion.
Yeah, I'm not the progeny either of you had in mind.
How is she? Still in Florida.
- Doing community theater.
- (CHUCKLES) - Probably happy.
- She always thought she was a star.
Too good for me and this place.
That, you got from her.
Moving all over.
Washington, - California, politics, avocados - Hey.
- Okay.
Right.
Right.
- writing a book, airing out - all your dirty laundry.
- My laundry's pretty clean, actually, so Telling the world who you want to sleep with.
- Yeah.
Yeah.
- You like girls, - you like boys.
- Yeah.
What is your daughter supposed to think? Desi's fine, by the way.
Thank you for asking.
No.
I'm not doing this.
It's not why I'm here.
(CLEARS THROAT) Look, I am here Come on.
You've seen the news.
Things aren't good here.
And I'm just I'm-I'm worried about you.
I have a green card.
I'm legal.
Never have I worked here illegally.
I know.
And there was a time when that would've been enough.
But you know what, these days, I'm not so sure.
I would feel better if you had citizenship.
I brought the forms.
I filled them all out.
All you have to do is, um, sign and initial a couple places and then send them in, okay? Once you're in the system, you're more protected.
(SIGHS) Okay? Tell me you'll do it.
Tell me you'll do it.
(SIGHS) You know what, I was born this way.
But I was also raised by a father who encouraged me to live my life on my own terms.
And that's exactly what I'm doing.
(LOCK BUZZES, DOOR CLOSES) HENRY: Babe? You in there? Oh, my God.
Yes.
Oh, I am so happy to see you.
Hi.
Hi, hi, hi.
Hi.
Hi.
That's quite a setup.
How are you holding up? - I'm okay, I'm okay.
- Yeah? Um, I just got some news that, uh, Morejon has agreed to sponsor the bill putting pressure on Arizona to end the family separation policy.
So they're fast-tracking it to the floor, and it looks like they'll have enough votes.
That's incredible.
How did you pull that off? Yeah.
Jay and a very passionate pot lobbyist, who actually caused Jay's basketball injury trying to get a sit-down with me.
And do you really want me to keep talking about this? Nope.
No.
I just I'm glad it worked out.
Yeah, well, it's not entirely worked out though.
Barker is threatening to fight the bill in court as an unconstitutional violation of the commandeering doctrine under the Tenth Amendment.
So, we may lose support from senators afraid of triggering a constitutional crisis.
Well, don't go there yet.
- Barker might just be posturing.
- (CHUCKLES): Yeah.
Well, he-he's got pretty good follow-through, too.
- You know? (CHUCKLES) - Yeah.
You realize we're not gonna get back in time for the vow renewal.
I know.
And I'm so sorry, Henry.
And I promise I'm gonna make it up to I'm way ahead of you.
Since we can't be in D.
C.
, I brought D.
C.
to us.
(WHISTLES) - Surprise! - Surprise! - ELIZABETH: Oh! - Oh, my! Hi! Hi, hi.
- STEVIE: Have wedding party, - will travel! - Better make it quick though.
We got two more gigs after this one, so - Are you okay? - Oh, yeah.
I'm okay.
I'm fine.
- Hi.
- Hi, my sweetie.
I brought you your dream dress.
What? With the perfect shoes.
- And the perfect jewelry.
- (GASPS) Let me see.
And I am right.
(LAUGHING) And Father Dinardo? Oh, yeah.
You mentioned you, uh, got arraigned with this really cool priest, so I tracked him down.
He's gonna officiate.
I'm happy to oblige.
I have a feeling you two - are gonna make it.
- (CHUCKLING) - Eh - Oh, I don't even know what to say.
This is just so this is amazing.
Oh, Henry, this isn't exactly your dream church wedding.
We're here because you're trying to keep families together.
I can't imagine anything more holy than that.
- So, come on.
Let's get you dressed.
- Okay.
Okay, okay, okay, okay.
We're on the clock.
8:22 approaches! - Wow.
Whew.
- (GASPS) Mom.
Do you like it? - I love it.
- Oh, gosh.
Ali, you nailed it, Oh! And look at you, 007.
(CHUCKLES) - Ooh, one final touch.
- Oh.
STEVIE: Oh, yeah.
Don't forget.
JASON: Yeah, we put a file in there, so just, you know Everybody scrunch together for the Godfather shot.
- Mike, I said - You said no publicity.
But this is a wedding photo.
Don't you want to capture the moment? Babe, he's got a point.
Okay, okay, but just We just have - Oh, this is for personal use only.
- Absolutely.
We can decide later.
Okay, make it work.
Make it like it's art.
Between the bars.
Okay.
Smile.
Okay, not so much teeth.
There you go.
That's perfect.
There it is.
Get that one.
Right there.
Okay, come on, come on.
We got to get started.
- ELIZABETH: Okay.
- Brothers and sisters, we are gathered here today to celebrate a renewal of love and commitment that was first realized 30 years ago today.
I understand Henry and Elizabeth have prepared their own vows for the renewal of their marriage.
(WHISPERING): Crap.
- You go first.
- All right.
Um, these aren't really traditional vows.
It's a letter I found in the basement when I was cleaning it out after the flood.
I wrote it the night before we were married.
"Dear Elabet" - (LAUGHS) - That's an inside joke, so just "Tomorrow is the day "that we begin our magical mystery tour, and I've never been more eager to embark.
" (ALL LAUGH) I was 26.
Give me a break.
- Keep going.
- "I know it's not the easiest way "to start a marriage, watching me head off to war, "but you have nothing to worry about, "because there's not a force on Earth that could keep me "from coming back to you.
"And to all the things that are waiting for us, "like more of those midnight mac and cheese dinners - (CHUCKLES) - "watching you go crazy shopping for pillows" (WHISPERS): You still do that.
"and hiking in the Blue Ridge Mountains "when the air gets crisp and the leaves are turning" (CLEARS THROAT) "and we can see forever.
And the way that you" Whoa, okay.
I'm gonna have to skip this part 'cause the kids are here.
- (LAUGHS) - (GROANS) "These are the moments I will hold in my mind "while I'm away.
"And the images of the adventures "we haven't even started.
"The faces of the children we'll have.
"Two for sure, three if we're lucky.
"I know you lost too much family too soon, "and I'm so happy to be the one to help you rebuild that.
"On that note, no more Peter Frampton concerts "while I'm away.
"I can't wait for tomorrow and all our tomorrows.
"As the poet said, "Elabet, grow old along with me.
"The best is yet to be.
"Yours forever.
Hank.
" The best is yet to be.
I remember that.
I love that.
Your dad's the best romantic.
And I was just smitten.
And smart enough to fall for the ridiculously handsome fighter pilot who could quote saints and write letters like that.
Thank you for for blinding me with your love and words for the last quarter of a century, Henry.
And thank you for getting me.
For always knowing what to say.
(CHUCKLES): And for telling the best jokes.
And for going to see what that noise was.
And for never hesitating to go on a wild ride with me.
Going forward, I promise to always leave just enough ice cream in the carton, especially the mocha fudge.
To not yell at the news in the morning or stay up too late watching cooking shows, unless you want to watch them with me.
And to always give you first shot at the appliances before I call Earl.
And to not ask you what you think about what I'm wearing unless I really want to know.
And I will love you with everything I've got.
To the walk-in bathtub and beyond, wherever all your saints think it is we'll end up.
Because I'll go with you always and anywhere, Henry McCord.
FATHER DINARDO: I understand the McCord children have something to add.
(PHONE VIBRATING) Yeah, uh thanks for having us.
- (CHUCKLES) - STEVIE: I'm sorry, Father Dinardo.
There's a message from the White House.
FATHER DINARDO: Happens all the time.
It's from Russell.
We got the votes.
- Oh! - With Morejon's bill passed, - Governor Douche - (CHUCKLES) Governor Barker, um, admitted defeat and announced that he's ending the separation policy.
Children will be reunited with their parents as soon as the order comes through.
And Mom will be released - with all charges dropped.
- ELIZABETH: Yay! (ALL LAUGH) Ooh, and, uh guess what time it is.
It's perfect.
FATHER DINARDO: You may kiss the bride.
Since you are.
- Okay.
- Oh, my God.
This is so sweet, isn't it? All I see is a book cover.
- This way.
This way.
- Mama! (WOMEN SPEAKING SPANISH) (SOBBING) We're all standing here.
Just tell us.
Just tell the joke.
I love to laugh.
- You have to tell it now.
- I-I can't.
There's a visual.
It needs a prop.
- Oh.
- Well, look at that.
- Where did these come from? - Just tell it.
All right.
You ready? How do you get all the rabbits in the world in this room using just these two items? No clue.
How? Calling all rabbits.
Calling all rabbits.
(ELIZABETH LAUGHING) I love that joke.
You got to tell Conrad.
Come here.
That's the laugh that changed the world right there.
I don't I don't get it.
Sliders are coming back around.
I'm in prime position.
I'm staking out the crab puffs.
Incredible.
I'd body check somebody for a crab puff.
Right? This is by far the best jail-centric vow renewal after-party I've ever had the privilege of attending.
JAY: No contest.
Seriously, did anybody get that joke? - MATT: Dude, your assistant, uh - Well, yes.
told me she was typing up the notes from your phone.
Did you really want to pitch small farm animal pajamas to the Department of Agriculture? Oh, I thought I dreamed that.
You guys, is this the best party ever or what? KAT: I was just saying that.
If you don't count, I don't know, three or four inaugural balls.
ELIZABETH: You look tired.
I'm out.
Killer joke, by the way.
- (LAUGHING): I know.
I know.
- JAY: Hey.
Hey, while everybody's here, I just want to say, now that the border security deal is back on track, we are gonna need to prepare for discussions with Mexico about cooperation on drug enforcement policy and the ramifications of federal legalization of marijuana.
So, Blake, you'll be spearheading the briefing materials, with support from Senator Morejon's office.
We've got a lot of work to do tomorrow, so can we But tonight, we're gonna celebrate.
Because we have earned celebrating together.
- KAT: Hear, hear.
- Yes.
Cheers.
- Salud.
- Then again, while I've got you here, all dressed up in your party clothes together, - and stuffed up with crab puffs - Mm-hmm.
seems like a good time to tell you that I am going to run for president.
- What? President? - I'm shocked.
- Get out.
Not a big surprise.
But, um, I'm not going to officially announce for a little while.
The most important part is there's no way I ever could have gotten here without every one of you.
And there is no way I'm going on this journey without every one of you.
- If you-you want to - MATT: I can make some time.
- I'm probably in.
- (OTHERS GRUMBLING) Oh, stop.
Bring it in.
ALL: Cheers.
Cheers, Madam President.
("BABY, I LOVE YOUR WAY" BY PETER FRAMPTON PLAYING) Oh, this Shadows grow so long I love this song.
I love it.
This is my favorite song.
I just want to turn it up.
And they're moving Oh, my God.
- Across the page - Oh, my God.
Oh, my God.
Oh, man.
- It's Peter Frampton.
- Suddenly, the day turns into night Ah! (APPLAUSE) - ELIZABETH: This is Peter Frampton.
- Far away - In my house! - From the city I'm your biggest fan.
The feeling's mutual, Madam Secretary.
And I-I believe I'm playing your song.
But don't Hesitate Yeah, your love Won't wait, yeah Ooh Ooh, baby, I love your way Every day I want to tell you I love your way Every way I want to be with you night and day Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.