All Hail King Julien (2014) s05e12 Episode Script
The End Is Near
1 - [MORT GIGGLES.]
- [SHARK ROARS.]
- [MORT.]
I'm okay! - [LAUGHING.]
[UPBEAT DANCE MUSIC.]
[MODULATED VOCALIZING.]
Party! - Who's the king? - King Julien - Who's the king? - King Julien Get down for the get down Everybody party with king who? - King Julien - King who? King Julien Tonight will be forever Let's do it King Julien style [SLO-MO TECHNO MUSIC.]
Whoa-oh, whoa-oh Y'all tell me who's the king Whoa-oh, whoa-oh All hail King Julien! [KING JULIEN.]
What? You're getting married? No.
Well, yes.
Well, I think so.
It's complicated! Word of advice, make sure your stump is big enough for her.
Happy wife, happy life.
Clover, as your king, I demand to know who this woman is you're marrying! I'm not marrying a woman! I'm marrying Sage! Maybe.
Look, he hasn't proposed.
But he says he has something important he wants to tell me.
What else could it be? Okay, good point.
I don't know, like, maybe anything! Well, I guess we shouldn't be surprised.
I mean, after five seasons, the romantic tension is, you know.
[CLOVER GIGGLING.]
I know, right? [LAUGHS.]
But it's not all about that.
I mean, I do get control of his army [LAUGHING.]
and all of its deadly weapons! Okay, pump the brakes for a second.
Now l-let's just think about this, okay, Clo-Clo? If you marry Sage, your commute is going to be redonkulous.
The Mountain Lemur Kingdom is, like, way on the other side of the island, dude.
King Julien, if I marry Sage, that means I'm his queen, which which means I can't live here anymore.
[WHIMPERS.]
I always figured if Clover left, it would be because she was eaten while trying to save me.
Is there no loyalty left anymore? We're just gonna have to face it, Your Majesty.
Clover's not gonna be here to protect us anymore.
We could capture her and keep her locked away for a couple of years until she forgets Sage.
No, this is a wonderful thing that's happened to Clover.
She's getting the promotion she's always deserved, and we need to be supportive.
Clover's abandoning us, you guys! [CROWD CLAMORING.]
- I say we take the traitor out! - Yeah! Now hold on.
Clover's always been there for us.
Well, she's not here now.
Burn the witch! Clover is not a witch.
Your Majesty, you have to stop this.
Lemurs of Madagascar, I feel your pain.
I, too, was shocked when I found out Clover was a witch.
[SCREAMING.]
- Not a witch.
- But we are lemurs.
And what do lemurs do when faced with change? - We're all gonna - No! Maybe.
But we are the lemurs who defeated the mighty Koto during the infamous war of the beasts, bringing peace throughout the land.
Yeah, he's right.
Even Mary Ann and I have reconciled.
I have the open wounds to prove it.
It's time we declared our independence from Clover.
It is time we learned to protect ourselves.
Peoples, it is time to form an army.
[BREATHING HEAVILY.]
[DRAMATIC MUSIC.]
[GRUNTS.]
[EXHALES DEEPLY.]
Remember, Clover, even though Sage is your sort-of-ex-boyfriend whose sculpted body your consciousness once occupied, when he asks you to be his queen, act surprised.
[EXHALES SHARPLY.]
[GIGGLING.]
[SAGE LAUGHS.]
Oi! Who's the king of this dump, eh? Think I'd like to have a go with him! Clover, I've been waiting for you.
Oh, really? [CHUCKLES.]
And why is that, big fella, eh? Something you want to tell me? Wink, wink.
- [SAGE.]
Clover - Yes, Sage.
The cornrows of destiny have woven us a shared fate.
I no longer consider you separate but more an appendage that grew from me over time that I should have removed with surgery but now find indispensable.
I feel the same way.
For too long, I have spooned with only plants and grubs.
But now I need something not covered in mucus.
- Clover - I do! - What? - Sorry, sorry.
Jumped the gun a bit there.
[LAUGHS.]
Little excited.
Continue.
Clover, I wanted you to know this before anyone else.
I'm getting married, and I'd like to introduce you to my fiancée.
[LAUGHING.]
Oh, look at you, Mr.
Comedian.
[LAUGHS.]
Yeah.
Yeah, of course I know your fiancée.
- It's - Hey, sister girl.
[GROWLS.]
Crimson? Oh, isn't it amazing? Sage and I are getting hitched.
Oh, I'm going to be a queen.
[CRIMSON LAUGHING.]
[SCREAMING.]
[MARTIAL MUSIC.]
All right, listen up, maggots! Today we learn how to army-ify ourselves.
And that means we got to be tough.
Fierce! Let's hear some fierce roars, maggots! [ROARING.]
- [KING JULIEN.]
Ted! - Right, right.
I'll shut up now.
[CHUCKLES.]
Now, repeat after me.
This is my mango.
There are many like it, but this one is mine.
[ALL.]
This is my mango.
- There are many mangoes - There are many mangoes.
[MALE LEMUR.]
And I like 'em, and I'ma eat 'em all, so stay away from my mangoes! [MUNCHING.]
My bad.
Chimichanga? Can anyone tell me what is the most important thing a soldier needs when he goes to war? A change of underwear? Something to keep you warm in the foxhole at night, like the hug of an old friend.
I ain't your friend, Pancho.
- Aw, whatever you say, you big softy.
- [SIGHS.]
Wrong! All of you, wrong! The most important thing a soldier needs is a nickname.
Nurse Phantom, from now on, you'll be called - [SNIFFLES.]
- Slurpee.
I dub you Grumbler.
I'm not apologizing.
- Thigh Master.
- [GROANS.]
Tiny Dancer.
Either Captain Cankle or the Incredible Sulk.
I'll let you choose.
George Washingturd.
[LAUGHS.]
- Guy No One Likes.
- What the heck, man? Auntie Pickle Bottom.
Hmm.
Mort.
Yay! I've always wanted a nickname! A soldier's bed is his home.
Tidy home, tidy mind.
No.
Disgusting! Obscene! Does no one know how to tuck in a corner? Fluff this pillow.
It's making me sick! What does any of this have to do with [SLURPING.]
defending ourselves? What's that, Señor Koogle? I didn't hear that over the screams of your fellow soldiers who would be alive right now if their beds had been made properly! Nice job, Thigh Master.
Thank you, Your I didn't say you could speak, maggot! Drop and give me 20! Hey, did you hide the explosives in case we need to make a quick escape? Sure indeedy.
Got 'em in a place he'll never find.
[HUMMING.]
Very nice.
But can they pass the quarter test? [HUMMING.]
[EXPLOSION.]
I don't know, but I've been told [ALL CHANTING.]
I don't know, but I've been told.
King Julien's booty is made of gold.
[ALL CHANTING.]
King Julien's booty is made of gold.
Forget this soldier jive, son.
I am a lover, not a [SLURPING.]
[SCREAMING.]
- [CLOVER SCREAMING.]
- [CRASHING.]
How did this happen? Sage is a warrior! I am a warrior.
He is supposed to be with me! [GROWLING.]
[SIGHS.]
This is not how the story's supposed to end.
[FEMALE LEMUR.]
I didn't raise you to be a quitter, Baby Brawler.
That voice.
Grandma Rose? Ah, don't look so surprised.
I'm still keeping an eye on ya up in Frankri-La.
I've been such a fool, Grandma Rose.
Thought I was living in one of my own stories, happy ending and all.
[GRUNTS.]
Hey! Ah, quit your whining, or you'll get some more.
You think you're the first gal to get your true love stolen? - There has got to be some - That wasn't a question.
It's too late.
Crimson already won.
It ain't over till it's over, Baby Brawler.
You might not know this, but there was a time I almost lost your Grandpa Rose to another lemur.
Her name was Maxine.
I out-cooked and out-danced her.
And when that didn't work, I ate her.
You ate her? It was a simpler time.
I'm not eating my sister.
Eh, that's your call.
Point is, Baby Brawler, you're like me.
So stop your whining and start acting like a true warrior.
[UPBEAT MUSIC.]
I hope you enjoyed the sandwiches.
As long as it's not someone I know between these bread slices, I am [MUNCHING.]
good.
Oh, you're sweet.
[SNIFFS.]
Mmm.
Is your cologne new? I'm not wearing cologne.
[GROWLS.]
That's what I thought.
- [SNARLING.]
- Okay, Mary Ann, please.
Can't you wait until I'm finished eating? I'm sorry, Horst.
When I'm near you, I can't control my hunger.
And that's why I love you, sweetheart.
[CHOMPS.]
The whole kingdom's gone cuckoo crazy birds ever since they found out Clover was leaving to get married.
No one thinks we can defend the kingdom anymore without her.
Clover gone? [BONE FOOSA.]
Lemur kingdom weak.
Foosa attack! But Mary Ann Queen.
She say no hurt lemur.
Mary Ann compromised.
Bone Foosa in charge now.
[ALL LAUGHING.]
[GRUNTING.]
[CRIMSON.]
Here you go, boys.
Mango, pineapple, jungle moss, and a hint of fire ant juice for a kick.
[GROWLS PLAYFULLY.]
I call it the crimson spanker.
Perfect for our wedding reception, Sagey-wagey.
These savage warriors don't need some of that fruity tipple.
They need a real drink.
Volcanic ash, tree sap, and a healthy dose of maggots for protein.
Wolf it in one, lads and ladies.
Easier that way.
[VOMITING.]
Good maggots.
Fresh.
- [VOMITING.]
- [CLOVER YELLING.]
Sage, you are the king of my heart.
May the sky gods bestow upon you a crown of dragonfly wings and encase you in the rays of their love.
And may we, together, conquer all the world's ills.
Starting with those people who push bulky baby strollers down the middle of a narrow path.
- It's really just inconsiderate.
- [LAUGHING.]
Oh, and people who RSVP for a party and then don't show up.
I mean, really, how hard is it to send a note? - Aww.
- So sweet.
[SCOFFS.]
Yeah! Okay.
"Dragonfly wing crown.
" Please.
All right, sorry, sis, only one writer in this family, and that's me! I've got a story for you, Sage.
"Thigh Sander Plunder Horse" split the air with her mage sword as its eldritch claws ripped the heads off of Thigh Sander's unicorn army and unicorn essence exploded into the air, "smelling of regret and the tears of orphaned children.
" The unicorns died? [ALL CRYING.]
Ugh.
Mm-mm-mm.
It's good, but not exactly right for wedding vows.
[SIGHS.]
All right, listen up, maggots.
We had planned an obstacle course for today's training, but because of budget and time constraints, we're just gonna show the highlight reel.
- Hit it.
- [BEEP.]
[HIP-HOP MUSIC.]
Yeah I tried to tell you, you ain't ready Have you ever seen A man not afraid to die? Gave his life for a dream Born hustler so the game conceived A caged beast, but now I'm free How can you blame me? I was born for this The game chose me Now I've been training for this My whole life [SHARK ROARING.]
[BEEP.]
Congratulations, you're all failures.
Moving on, we're going to have a war game.
It's like a battle, only it's fake, and it doesn't take a whole season.
Who's the target, King J? I'm locked and loaded.
Ted, it's all yours.
Thanks, Your Majesty.
All right, you maggots, who wants to put on a play? [KING JULIEN.]
War games, Ted.
I said "war games," not "play.
" Who are we supposed to be fighting when the whole kingdom is right here? It's a secret.
[ALL GROANING.]
How did my life come to this? I was gonna build things out of matchsticks.
Why do I even stay? [MORT.]
Because if you didn't, no one would pay attention to you.
[HECTOR.]
Mort, are you in my head? [MORT.]
Maybe.
Now keep your thoughts down, old man.
We are preparing for war! Mary Ann, please, can't we just talk? [GRUNTS.]
Your smell is driving me crazy.
Just a nibble.
I'll try not to leave a scar.
Yeah, but if you eat me now, there will be nothing left to [SLURPING.]
love.
[FOOSA GROWLING.]
Bone Foosa? What is the meaning of this? Traitor! What are you talking about? Horst? Please, so I like to play with my food.
What of it? You betray foosa for lemur.
Bone Foosa in charge now.
[HORST WHIMPERS.]
[FOOSA SNARLING.]
[BELCHES.]
Great meal, Mistress Crimson.
Nice change from the dried roots and compost patties we've been eating.
Oh, it's nothing, Captain.
Anything to make my Sagey-bear's minions happy.
[CHUCKLES.]
[GROWLS.]
Right, so where am I sleeping? Oh, are you staying? Mountain Lemurs are pack animals.
Tradition dictates we sleep together for security, warmth, and occasional tickle fights.
Wow! Just the one tent for all of you.
We advise visitors sleep outside the tent, preferably as far away as possible, for your own safety.
- Safety? - I'd rather not go into detail.
Is Crimson sleeping in the tent? Oh, no.
Oh, I've got a yurt just over the hill.
Only fits one, though.
So sorry, Clo-Clo.
Guess that's good-bye, then.
On the contrary.
I, unlike you, appreciate Sage's traditions.
Ergo, I will be sleeping with the pack.
- Clover.
- I'm a big girl, Sage.
I can make my own decisions about my safety.
Suit yourself.
Good night, angel-pecs.
- Mwah.
- [CHUCKLES.]
Ugh.
[LEMUR COUGHING.]
[FARTING.]
[OVERLAPPING BURPING AND FARTING.]
[BURPING AND FARTING CONTINUE.]
[RETCHING.]
[SNORING.]
[HARMONICA PLAYING.]
Xixi here reporting live from the battlefield.
These troopers are ready for anything.
But what they want most of all is to make it home alive.
Xixi, knock it off.
Everyone's going home alive.
Now, that would be a Christmas miracle, wouldn't it, folks? Excuse me, trooper.
Why did you enlist? Enlist? You saying we had a choice about being out here? Everyone is here because they want to be.
Yeah, that's a big no! Are you saying there's a cover-up? - Xixi, out! - [GROANS.]
Media shouldn't even be in the foxhole with us.
You're giving everything away to the enemy! [HOWLING IN DISTANCE.]
What was that? All right, maggots, here we go.
[DRAMATIC MUSIC.]
Mort, take George Washingturd and Wild Style and check it out.
[SIGHS.]
Take Butterfish and Pancho! [YELLING.]
[PANCHO.]
Okay, full disclosure, I'm rocking a double hernia right now, so if either of you take shrapnel, you can carry yourself.
- Butterfish too pretty to die.
- [MORT GROANING.]
[DISTANT THUMPING.]
[GRUNTING.]
Foosa.
[ROARING.]
Let's get out of here! [GRUNTING.]
Whew.
Hey, man, you just kicked me in the armpit.
Uncool, bra [GROANING.]
Leg cramp.
[GRUNTS.]
Hold on, guys.
No one gets left behind.
Put your telescope away, Thigh Master.
It's been hours.
Obviously they're dead.
It's only been ten minutes, and this is pretend, remember? No one is dying.
Wait.
- I see something.
- [MORT WHIMPERING.]
[SLO-MO SHOUTING.]
Feet! [GROANING.]
Oh, the feet! Get the little fella some water.
Stat! The feet is all I need.
Uh [SIGHS.]
[EXCLAIMING.]
I told you I would come back for you, my love.
- What happened? - Foosa.
Headed for kingdom.
- Foosa? - [YELPS.]
But they're not even our enemies anymore.
Of course.
Duh, this is Ted's surprise.
He's probably using the rats to dress up like foosa for a sneak attack.
Clever.
But I'm cleverer.
Huddle up, maggots.
I got a plan.
I'm sorry, Horst.
My people have betrayed us both.
As long as we have each other, Mary Ann, there is still hope.
[SLURPING, GRUNTING.]
What are you doing? Well, your maulings over the years have left my bones - [CRACKING.]
- and cartilage quite pliable.
If I can just - [GROANING.]
- Oh, Horst.
Mauling yourself is the most romantic thing anyone has ever done for me.
Maybe now you'll believe me when I say [STRAINING.]
I love you.
[GRUNTS.]
Quick! We have to warn King Julien.
[GRUNTS.]
Clover, you're leaving? Sage.
Yeah.
Yeah, I got to fly.
Uh, time to get back to my own kingdom.
King Julien, clearly, he needs me, and and you Rawr.
don't.
Oh, going already, are we, sis? Aw, so sad.
You were just starting to feel like family.
What? I am family! [STAMMERING.]
[EXHALES SLOWLY.]
[CLEARS THROAT.]
Have a nice life, you two.
- Miss Clover, glad we caught you.
- Hmm? I'll say.
I don't know what you did during our dance lesson yesterday, but my sciatica is gone! What? And my men can't stop talking about your protein drink.
If I hear "yoked" one more time, heads are ending up on spikes.
But you vomited on me.
Yeah, well, getting vomited on is a sign of respect in our culture.
Of course it is.
But Crimson No offense, but we wouldn't be caught dead vomiting on your sister.
- He's right.
- Tell us some more violent stories.
- Don't go yet.
- All right, everyone, move it along.
Moving it along.
My sister has a very long walk ahead of her.
Isn't that right, Clo-Clo? Good-bye.
So sorry you can't make the wedding.
Right.
See you around, Crimson.
Clover, you should stay.
At least for the wedding.
Sorry.
[STAMMERS.]
You made your choice.
And I'm gonna make mine.
Good-bye, Sage.
[SIGHS.]
[SOMBER MUSIC.]
Why do I feel so strange? Like the time butterfly larvae hatched in my stomach and then became trapped in my intestines as they fought each other for survival.
This feels like that, only nicer and not so flappy.
Could it be? [GROWLING.]
Attack! [ALL SNARLING.]
[EXCLAIMING.]
- Huts empty.
- No lemur.
Impossible.
Look again.
Don't bother! You've already lost.
Now! No! Actually, yes! See? We out-surprised your attack with our own surprise attack! [LAUGHING.]
Bagada-booyah! It really worked, Your Majesty.
I wonder if it'll do the same against the real foosa instead of Ted's costumes.
- What costume? - [LAUGHS.]
Ted, my lemur! Nice surprise with the foosa suits.
Well, thanks, King J, but I didn't make any costumes.
My big surprise is snickerdoodles! Hurray! [CHUCKLES.]
Thanks for all the hard work, maggots.
[STUTTERS.]
But if you didn't make foosa suits, that means [FOOSA SNARLING.]
We were fighting real foosa! Aah! We're all gonna die for real this time! - [GROWLING.]
- [WILLIE.]
Foosa! [ROARING.]
[MARY ANN.]
King Julien! I'm sorry.
I had no part in this.
But rest assured, the ringleader will be severely punished.
- [WHIMPERING.]
- Horst, I need you to wait here.
Of course, my darling.
Horst, are you okay? Never better.
I love you, Mary Ann! Well, there you have it, folks, a true happy ending.
King Julien, how does it feel to know you really did defeat the foosa without Clover? Tell you, Xixi, it feels Clover? You okay, Clover? No.
But I will be.
Sorry you went to all the trouble with training an army, Your Majesty.
Looks like I'm staying.
[BIRD SHRIEKS.]
Clover, I'm glad I found you.
You knew I was coming back to the kingdom, Sage.
Oh, yeah.
Clover, when you left, I thought butterfly larvae were fighting in my colon.
Mm, gross.
I know, right? But they weren't.
The feeling was something else.
- It was - Huh? emptiness, like my heart was being sucked dry by some giant heart-sucking thing.
And it was making that horrible sucking sound.
[IMITATING SUCTION.]
Stop.
What are you going on about? Clover [ALL GASP.]
- Will you - [GASPS.]
marry me? [GASPS, SQUEALS.]
Yes! - Oh! - [SIGHS.]
[HIP-HOP MUSIC.]
Yeah I tried to tell you, you ain't ready Have you ever seen A man not afraid to die? Gave his life for a dream Born hustler so the game conceived A caged beast, but now I'm free How can you blame me? I was born for this The game chose me Now I've been training for this My whole life Carpe diem, seize the moment, right Right, we gonna turn up And rock plenty ice
- [SHARK ROARS.]
- [MORT.]
I'm okay! - [LAUGHING.]
[UPBEAT DANCE MUSIC.]
[MODULATED VOCALIZING.]
Party! - Who's the king? - King Julien - Who's the king? - King Julien Get down for the get down Everybody party with king who? - King Julien - King who? King Julien Tonight will be forever Let's do it King Julien style [SLO-MO TECHNO MUSIC.]
Whoa-oh, whoa-oh Y'all tell me who's the king Whoa-oh, whoa-oh All hail King Julien! [KING JULIEN.]
What? You're getting married? No.
Well, yes.
Well, I think so.
It's complicated! Word of advice, make sure your stump is big enough for her.
Happy wife, happy life.
Clover, as your king, I demand to know who this woman is you're marrying! I'm not marrying a woman! I'm marrying Sage! Maybe.
Look, he hasn't proposed.
But he says he has something important he wants to tell me.
What else could it be? Okay, good point.
I don't know, like, maybe anything! Well, I guess we shouldn't be surprised.
I mean, after five seasons, the romantic tension is, you know.
[CLOVER GIGGLING.]
I know, right? [LAUGHS.]
But it's not all about that.
I mean, I do get control of his army [LAUGHING.]
and all of its deadly weapons! Okay, pump the brakes for a second.
Now l-let's just think about this, okay, Clo-Clo? If you marry Sage, your commute is going to be redonkulous.
The Mountain Lemur Kingdom is, like, way on the other side of the island, dude.
King Julien, if I marry Sage, that means I'm his queen, which which means I can't live here anymore.
[WHIMPERS.]
I always figured if Clover left, it would be because she was eaten while trying to save me.
Is there no loyalty left anymore? We're just gonna have to face it, Your Majesty.
Clover's not gonna be here to protect us anymore.
We could capture her and keep her locked away for a couple of years until she forgets Sage.
No, this is a wonderful thing that's happened to Clover.
She's getting the promotion she's always deserved, and we need to be supportive.
Clover's abandoning us, you guys! [CROWD CLAMORING.]
- I say we take the traitor out! - Yeah! Now hold on.
Clover's always been there for us.
Well, she's not here now.
Burn the witch! Clover is not a witch.
Your Majesty, you have to stop this.
Lemurs of Madagascar, I feel your pain.
I, too, was shocked when I found out Clover was a witch.
[SCREAMING.]
- Not a witch.
- But we are lemurs.
And what do lemurs do when faced with change? - We're all gonna - No! Maybe.
But we are the lemurs who defeated the mighty Koto during the infamous war of the beasts, bringing peace throughout the land.
Yeah, he's right.
Even Mary Ann and I have reconciled.
I have the open wounds to prove it.
It's time we declared our independence from Clover.
It is time we learned to protect ourselves.
Peoples, it is time to form an army.
[BREATHING HEAVILY.]
[DRAMATIC MUSIC.]
[GRUNTS.]
[EXHALES DEEPLY.]
Remember, Clover, even though Sage is your sort-of-ex-boyfriend whose sculpted body your consciousness once occupied, when he asks you to be his queen, act surprised.
[EXHALES SHARPLY.]
[GIGGLING.]
[SAGE LAUGHS.]
Oi! Who's the king of this dump, eh? Think I'd like to have a go with him! Clover, I've been waiting for you.
Oh, really? [CHUCKLES.]
And why is that, big fella, eh? Something you want to tell me? Wink, wink.
- [SAGE.]
Clover - Yes, Sage.
The cornrows of destiny have woven us a shared fate.
I no longer consider you separate but more an appendage that grew from me over time that I should have removed with surgery but now find indispensable.
I feel the same way.
For too long, I have spooned with only plants and grubs.
But now I need something not covered in mucus.
- Clover - I do! - What? - Sorry, sorry.
Jumped the gun a bit there.
[LAUGHS.]
Little excited.
Continue.
Clover, I wanted you to know this before anyone else.
I'm getting married, and I'd like to introduce you to my fiancée.
[LAUGHING.]
Oh, look at you, Mr.
Comedian.
[LAUGHS.]
Yeah.
Yeah, of course I know your fiancée.
- It's - Hey, sister girl.
[GROWLS.]
Crimson? Oh, isn't it amazing? Sage and I are getting hitched.
Oh, I'm going to be a queen.
[CRIMSON LAUGHING.]
[SCREAMING.]
[MARTIAL MUSIC.]
All right, listen up, maggots! Today we learn how to army-ify ourselves.
And that means we got to be tough.
Fierce! Let's hear some fierce roars, maggots! [ROARING.]
- [KING JULIEN.]
Ted! - Right, right.
I'll shut up now.
[CHUCKLES.]
Now, repeat after me.
This is my mango.
There are many like it, but this one is mine.
[ALL.]
This is my mango.
- There are many mangoes - There are many mangoes.
[MALE LEMUR.]
And I like 'em, and I'ma eat 'em all, so stay away from my mangoes! [MUNCHING.]
My bad.
Chimichanga? Can anyone tell me what is the most important thing a soldier needs when he goes to war? A change of underwear? Something to keep you warm in the foxhole at night, like the hug of an old friend.
I ain't your friend, Pancho.
- Aw, whatever you say, you big softy.
- [SIGHS.]
Wrong! All of you, wrong! The most important thing a soldier needs is a nickname.
Nurse Phantom, from now on, you'll be called - [SNIFFLES.]
- Slurpee.
I dub you Grumbler.
I'm not apologizing.
- Thigh Master.
- [GROANS.]
Tiny Dancer.
Either Captain Cankle or the Incredible Sulk.
I'll let you choose.
George Washingturd.
[LAUGHS.]
- Guy No One Likes.
- What the heck, man? Auntie Pickle Bottom.
Hmm.
Mort.
Yay! I've always wanted a nickname! A soldier's bed is his home.
Tidy home, tidy mind.
No.
Disgusting! Obscene! Does no one know how to tuck in a corner? Fluff this pillow.
It's making me sick! What does any of this have to do with [SLURPING.]
defending ourselves? What's that, Señor Koogle? I didn't hear that over the screams of your fellow soldiers who would be alive right now if their beds had been made properly! Nice job, Thigh Master.
Thank you, Your I didn't say you could speak, maggot! Drop and give me 20! Hey, did you hide the explosives in case we need to make a quick escape? Sure indeedy.
Got 'em in a place he'll never find.
[HUMMING.]
Very nice.
But can they pass the quarter test? [HUMMING.]
[EXPLOSION.]
I don't know, but I've been told [ALL CHANTING.]
I don't know, but I've been told.
King Julien's booty is made of gold.
[ALL CHANTING.]
King Julien's booty is made of gold.
Forget this soldier jive, son.
I am a lover, not a [SLURPING.]
[SCREAMING.]
- [CLOVER SCREAMING.]
- [CRASHING.]
How did this happen? Sage is a warrior! I am a warrior.
He is supposed to be with me! [GROWLING.]
[SIGHS.]
This is not how the story's supposed to end.
[FEMALE LEMUR.]
I didn't raise you to be a quitter, Baby Brawler.
That voice.
Grandma Rose? Ah, don't look so surprised.
I'm still keeping an eye on ya up in Frankri-La.
I've been such a fool, Grandma Rose.
Thought I was living in one of my own stories, happy ending and all.
[GRUNTS.]
Hey! Ah, quit your whining, or you'll get some more.
You think you're the first gal to get your true love stolen? - There has got to be some - That wasn't a question.
It's too late.
Crimson already won.
It ain't over till it's over, Baby Brawler.
You might not know this, but there was a time I almost lost your Grandpa Rose to another lemur.
Her name was Maxine.
I out-cooked and out-danced her.
And when that didn't work, I ate her.
You ate her? It was a simpler time.
I'm not eating my sister.
Eh, that's your call.
Point is, Baby Brawler, you're like me.
So stop your whining and start acting like a true warrior.
[UPBEAT MUSIC.]
I hope you enjoyed the sandwiches.
As long as it's not someone I know between these bread slices, I am [MUNCHING.]
good.
Oh, you're sweet.
[SNIFFS.]
Mmm.
Is your cologne new? I'm not wearing cologne.
[GROWLS.]
That's what I thought.
- [SNARLING.]
- Okay, Mary Ann, please.
Can't you wait until I'm finished eating? I'm sorry, Horst.
When I'm near you, I can't control my hunger.
And that's why I love you, sweetheart.
[CHOMPS.]
The whole kingdom's gone cuckoo crazy birds ever since they found out Clover was leaving to get married.
No one thinks we can defend the kingdom anymore without her.
Clover gone? [BONE FOOSA.]
Lemur kingdom weak.
Foosa attack! But Mary Ann Queen.
She say no hurt lemur.
Mary Ann compromised.
Bone Foosa in charge now.
[ALL LAUGHING.]
[GRUNTING.]
[CRIMSON.]
Here you go, boys.
Mango, pineapple, jungle moss, and a hint of fire ant juice for a kick.
[GROWLS PLAYFULLY.]
I call it the crimson spanker.
Perfect for our wedding reception, Sagey-wagey.
These savage warriors don't need some of that fruity tipple.
They need a real drink.
Volcanic ash, tree sap, and a healthy dose of maggots for protein.
Wolf it in one, lads and ladies.
Easier that way.
[VOMITING.]
Good maggots.
Fresh.
- [VOMITING.]
- [CLOVER YELLING.]
Sage, you are the king of my heart.
May the sky gods bestow upon you a crown of dragonfly wings and encase you in the rays of their love.
And may we, together, conquer all the world's ills.
Starting with those people who push bulky baby strollers down the middle of a narrow path.
- It's really just inconsiderate.
- [LAUGHING.]
Oh, and people who RSVP for a party and then don't show up.
I mean, really, how hard is it to send a note? - Aww.
- So sweet.
[SCOFFS.]
Yeah! Okay.
"Dragonfly wing crown.
" Please.
All right, sorry, sis, only one writer in this family, and that's me! I've got a story for you, Sage.
"Thigh Sander Plunder Horse" split the air with her mage sword as its eldritch claws ripped the heads off of Thigh Sander's unicorn army and unicorn essence exploded into the air, "smelling of regret and the tears of orphaned children.
" The unicorns died? [ALL CRYING.]
Ugh.
Mm-mm-mm.
It's good, but not exactly right for wedding vows.
[SIGHS.]
All right, listen up, maggots.
We had planned an obstacle course for today's training, but because of budget and time constraints, we're just gonna show the highlight reel.
- Hit it.
- [BEEP.]
[HIP-HOP MUSIC.]
Yeah I tried to tell you, you ain't ready Have you ever seen A man not afraid to die? Gave his life for a dream Born hustler so the game conceived A caged beast, but now I'm free How can you blame me? I was born for this The game chose me Now I've been training for this My whole life [SHARK ROARING.]
[BEEP.]
Congratulations, you're all failures.
Moving on, we're going to have a war game.
It's like a battle, only it's fake, and it doesn't take a whole season.
Who's the target, King J? I'm locked and loaded.
Ted, it's all yours.
Thanks, Your Majesty.
All right, you maggots, who wants to put on a play? [KING JULIEN.]
War games, Ted.
I said "war games," not "play.
" Who are we supposed to be fighting when the whole kingdom is right here? It's a secret.
[ALL GROANING.]
How did my life come to this? I was gonna build things out of matchsticks.
Why do I even stay? [MORT.]
Because if you didn't, no one would pay attention to you.
[HECTOR.]
Mort, are you in my head? [MORT.]
Maybe.
Now keep your thoughts down, old man.
We are preparing for war! Mary Ann, please, can't we just talk? [GRUNTS.]
Your smell is driving me crazy.
Just a nibble.
I'll try not to leave a scar.
Yeah, but if you eat me now, there will be nothing left to [SLURPING.]
love.
[FOOSA GROWLING.]
Bone Foosa? What is the meaning of this? Traitor! What are you talking about? Horst? Please, so I like to play with my food.
What of it? You betray foosa for lemur.
Bone Foosa in charge now.
[HORST WHIMPERS.]
[FOOSA SNARLING.]
[BELCHES.]
Great meal, Mistress Crimson.
Nice change from the dried roots and compost patties we've been eating.
Oh, it's nothing, Captain.
Anything to make my Sagey-bear's minions happy.
[CHUCKLES.]
[GROWLS.]
Right, so where am I sleeping? Oh, are you staying? Mountain Lemurs are pack animals.
Tradition dictates we sleep together for security, warmth, and occasional tickle fights.
Wow! Just the one tent for all of you.
We advise visitors sleep outside the tent, preferably as far away as possible, for your own safety.
- Safety? - I'd rather not go into detail.
Is Crimson sleeping in the tent? Oh, no.
Oh, I've got a yurt just over the hill.
Only fits one, though.
So sorry, Clo-Clo.
Guess that's good-bye, then.
On the contrary.
I, unlike you, appreciate Sage's traditions.
Ergo, I will be sleeping with the pack.
- Clover.
- I'm a big girl, Sage.
I can make my own decisions about my safety.
Suit yourself.
Good night, angel-pecs.
- Mwah.
- [CHUCKLES.]
Ugh.
[LEMUR COUGHING.]
[FARTING.]
[OVERLAPPING BURPING AND FARTING.]
[BURPING AND FARTING CONTINUE.]
[RETCHING.]
[SNORING.]
[HARMONICA PLAYING.]
Xixi here reporting live from the battlefield.
These troopers are ready for anything.
But what they want most of all is to make it home alive.
Xixi, knock it off.
Everyone's going home alive.
Now, that would be a Christmas miracle, wouldn't it, folks? Excuse me, trooper.
Why did you enlist? Enlist? You saying we had a choice about being out here? Everyone is here because they want to be.
Yeah, that's a big no! Are you saying there's a cover-up? - Xixi, out! - [GROANS.]
Media shouldn't even be in the foxhole with us.
You're giving everything away to the enemy! [HOWLING IN DISTANCE.]
What was that? All right, maggots, here we go.
[DRAMATIC MUSIC.]
Mort, take George Washingturd and Wild Style and check it out.
[SIGHS.]
Take Butterfish and Pancho! [YELLING.]
[PANCHO.]
Okay, full disclosure, I'm rocking a double hernia right now, so if either of you take shrapnel, you can carry yourself.
- Butterfish too pretty to die.
- [MORT GROANING.]
[DISTANT THUMPING.]
[GRUNTING.]
Foosa.
[ROARING.]
Let's get out of here! [GRUNTING.]
Whew.
Hey, man, you just kicked me in the armpit.
Uncool, bra [GROANING.]
Leg cramp.
[GRUNTS.]
Hold on, guys.
No one gets left behind.
Put your telescope away, Thigh Master.
It's been hours.
Obviously they're dead.
It's only been ten minutes, and this is pretend, remember? No one is dying.
Wait.
- I see something.
- [MORT WHIMPERING.]
[SLO-MO SHOUTING.]
Feet! [GROANING.]
Oh, the feet! Get the little fella some water.
Stat! The feet is all I need.
Uh [SIGHS.]
[EXCLAIMING.]
I told you I would come back for you, my love.
- What happened? - Foosa.
Headed for kingdom.
- Foosa? - [YELPS.]
But they're not even our enemies anymore.
Of course.
Duh, this is Ted's surprise.
He's probably using the rats to dress up like foosa for a sneak attack.
Clever.
But I'm cleverer.
Huddle up, maggots.
I got a plan.
I'm sorry, Horst.
My people have betrayed us both.
As long as we have each other, Mary Ann, there is still hope.
[SLURPING, GRUNTING.]
What are you doing? Well, your maulings over the years have left my bones - [CRACKING.]
- and cartilage quite pliable.
If I can just - [GROANING.]
- Oh, Horst.
Mauling yourself is the most romantic thing anyone has ever done for me.
Maybe now you'll believe me when I say [STRAINING.]
I love you.
[GRUNTS.]
Quick! We have to warn King Julien.
[GRUNTS.]
Clover, you're leaving? Sage.
Yeah.
Yeah, I got to fly.
Uh, time to get back to my own kingdom.
King Julien, clearly, he needs me, and and you Rawr.
don't.
Oh, going already, are we, sis? Aw, so sad.
You were just starting to feel like family.
What? I am family! [STAMMERING.]
[EXHALES SLOWLY.]
[CLEARS THROAT.]
Have a nice life, you two.
- Miss Clover, glad we caught you.
- Hmm? I'll say.
I don't know what you did during our dance lesson yesterday, but my sciatica is gone! What? And my men can't stop talking about your protein drink.
If I hear "yoked" one more time, heads are ending up on spikes.
But you vomited on me.
Yeah, well, getting vomited on is a sign of respect in our culture.
Of course it is.
But Crimson No offense, but we wouldn't be caught dead vomiting on your sister.
- He's right.
- Tell us some more violent stories.
- Don't go yet.
- All right, everyone, move it along.
Moving it along.
My sister has a very long walk ahead of her.
Isn't that right, Clo-Clo? Good-bye.
So sorry you can't make the wedding.
Right.
See you around, Crimson.
Clover, you should stay.
At least for the wedding.
Sorry.
[STAMMERS.]
You made your choice.
And I'm gonna make mine.
Good-bye, Sage.
[SIGHS.]
[SOMBER MUSIC.]
Why do I feel so strange? Like the time butterfly larvae hatched in my stomach and then became trapped in my intestines as they fought each other for survival.
This feels like that, only nicer and not so flappy.
Could it be? [GROWLING.]
Attack! [ALL SNARLING.]
[EXCLAIMING.]
- Huts empty.
- No lemur.
Impossible.
Look again.
Don't bother! You've already lost.
Now! No! Actually, yes! See? We out-surprised your attack with our own surprise attack! [LAUGHING.]
Bagada-booyah! It really worked, Your Majesty.
I wonder if it'll do the same against the real foosa instead of Ted's costumes.
- What costume? - [LAUGHS.]
Ted, my lemur! Nice surprise with the foosa suits.
Well, thanks, King J, but I didn't make any costumes.
My big surprise is snickerdoodles! Hurray! [CHUCKLES.]
Thanks for all the hard work, maggots.
[STUTTERS.]
But if you didn't make foosa suits, that means [FOOSA SNARLING.]
We were fighting real foosa! Aah! We're all gonna die for real this time! - [GROWLING.]
- [WILLIE.]
Foosa! [ROARING.]
[MARY ANN.]
King Julien! I'm sorry.
I had no part in this.
But rest assured, the ringleader will be severely punished.
- [WHIMPERING.]
- Horst, I need you to wait here.
Of course, my darling.
Horst, are you okay? Never better.
I love you, Mary Ann! Well, there you have it, folks, a true happy ending.
King Julien, how does it feel to know you really did defeat the foosa without Clover? Tell you, Xixi, it feels Clover? You okay, Clover? No.
But I will be.
Sorry you went to all the trouble with training an army, Your Majesty.
Looks like I'm staying.
[BIRD SHRIEKS.]
Clover, I'm glad I found you.
You knew I was coming back to the kingdom, Sage.
Oh, yeah.
Clover, when you left, I thought butterfly larvae were fighting in my colon.
Mm, gross.
I know, right? But they weren't.
The feeling was something else.
- It was - Huh? emptiness, like my heart was being sucked dry by some giant heart-sucking thing.
And it was making that horrible sucking sound.
[IMITATING SUCTION.]
Stop.
What are you going on about? Clover [ALL GASP.]
- Will you - [GASPS.]
marry me? [GASPS, SQUEALS.]
Yes! - Oh! - [SIGHS.]
[HIP-HOP MUSIC.]
Yeah I tried to tell you, you ain't ready Have you ever seen A man not afraid to die? Gave his life for a dream Born hustler so the game conceived A caged beast, but now I'm free How can you blame me? I was born for this The game chose me Now I've been training for this My whole life Carpe diem, seize the moment, right Right, we gonna turn up And rock plenty ice