Drop Dead Diva s05e12 Episode Script
Guess Who's Coming
See that aspiring model there? That's me Deb until the day I died.
I thought I'd go straight to heaven, but there was a bit of a mix-up, and I woke up in someone else's body.
[ Screams .]
So now I'm Jane, a super-busy lawyer with my very own assistant.
I got a new life, a new wardrobe, and the only people who really know what's going on with me are my girlfriend Stacy and my guardian angel, Paul.
I used to think everything happened for a reason.
Whoo! [ Laughs .]
Now, I sure hope I was right.
Drop Dead Diva 5x12 - Guess Who's Coming Original air date October 27, 2013 That would be 18 days, Bob.
[ Ding .]
Yes, that is correct.
Mario Lopez and Ali Landry were married for exactly 18 days.
And now for the final question to break our three-way tie.
Los Angeles County Code 17.
20.
010 makes it illegal to? Roller skate in a public library.
Jane Bingum, you've just won a trip for two to Paris! Oh, my God! The most romantic city in the world.
And now for your big decision.
Who's the lucky fella you'll be taking on your trip? Well, um, at the moment, I'm single, so See, I love Grayson, but he is with Nicole.
And while I know that he's my soul mate, I think I'm [ Buzzer .]
Jane, Jane, this isn't therapy.
This is a game show.
No boyfriend, no romantic vacation.
- What? - But we do have the perfect prize just for you.
A dinette set for one with a lifetime guarantee of dining alone.
Let's give it up for Jane, everyone.
[ Applause .]
No! No!! [ Gasps .]
Another cup? Why not? Not really looking forward to work today.
What? Come on.
You love your work.
You just don't want to see Grayson and Nicole together.
Well, they'll probably be all handsy since they just spent a romantic weekend in Santa Barbara.
Do you remember our big couples trip to Santa Barbara when you were still in your original body? Yeah.
Me and Grayson and you and Michael Beck.
[ Laughs .]
You nearly got us thrown out of that resort when that family caught the two of you together.
Well, how were we supposed to know that the hot tub was actually a kiddie pool? I wonder what happened to Michael.
You know, you swore after you broke up you'd be friends forever.
Yeah.
Well, you know how that goes.
Anyway, I've got just the thing to take your mind off of Grayson - Yoga.
- Hmm.
Yogi Rodney is teaching a special class at noon.
He's so spiritual.
Even Owen is going.
You got Owen to go to yoga? If seeing me and Owen together is a problem, I totally understand.
No, it's not.
[ Chuckles .]
And even if it was that, I am working through it.
Well, Yogi Rodney is the best.
I promise you, for 90 minutes, your mind will travel to places you have never been.
Wyoming? You're assigning me a case in Wyoming? I need you to make an appearance for an old friend of mine, Dustin Wycott.
He and his wife live in Los Angeles.
Last year, she decided to purchase a vacation home in Wyoming.
When they were done remodeling, bam, she filed for divorce - in Wyoming.
- Ouch.
Unlike California, Wyoming has no community-property laws.
Let me guess she's the breadwinner, and Wyoming law will save her a ton in the divorce.
Bigtime.
His wife's name is Lonna Wycott.
She's the founder of Lonna's Lotions.
Facial in a Jar.
She's worth millions.
Your job is to convince a Wyoming judge to cede jurisdiction of the divorce to California.
One problem I can't practice law in Wyoming.
Yes, you can.
I have an order admitting you pro hac vice, a plane ticket, and a client file.
Enjoy the cowboy state.
[ Elevator bell dings .]
Good morning.
For you, maybe.
I got a plane to catch.
[ Gasps .]
Is that Facial in a Jar? Lonna is my skin-care goddess.
Look at my pores.
Can't see them, can you? No? - Can I have this? - Sure.
So, uh, Lonna's divorcing her husband.
I'm representing him in Wyoming.
[ Elevator bell dings .]
Oh.
Good luck.
Oh, uh, Jane, let's grab dinner when I get back.
- Is everything okay? - Oh, yeah.
You know, I just, uh, want to talk, you know, out of the office.
Okay.
It's a date.
[ Chuckles .]
I mean well, you know what I mean.
Hey, boss.
Urgent message.
Christophe had a cancellation and he's able to do my highlights? Sadly, no.
Bobbi Dobkins was arrested.
- They're holding her at lockup.
- What? Oh, my God! Um, um, call the precinct.
Tell the desk sergeant that I'm on my way.
[ Cellphone rings .]
Hey.
Stace, listen, I can't make yoga.
Oh, come on! I want you to see my new yoga pants.
Wait.
You sound stressed.
Were Grayson and Nicole French-kissing in the bullpen? - No.
My mom has been arrested.
- Which mom? My mom.
Deb's mom.
I'll call you later, okay? [ Buzzer .]
Oh, thank God.
Bobbi.
Oh.
I feel terrible bothering you.
No.
God.
You are never a bother.
I would have called Grayson, but the circumstances are are too personal.
Well, you can tell me anything.
Think of me as your family.
Now, come on.
Tell me what happened.
I have been arrested for [ Voice breaking .]
I can't even say it.
Bobbi, what? I've been arrested for hiring a guy to change my oil.
Well, was he an unlicensed mechanic, because if you didn't know No, no.
He was gonna clean my pipes.
I'm sorry.
I still don't follow.
Jane, I've been charged with solicitation.
Solicitation? Solicitation of what? Solicitation of sex.
What?! I've been charged with hiring a male prostitute.
You hired a man for sex? Well, I didn't think that's what I was doing.
It was just a cute guy in a bar.
Okay.
Okay.
You know what? Let's start at the beginning.
My dance team had just won the Star America competition.
- Yay! - And not to brag, but my choreography was pretty fabulous.
Well, I'm sure it was.
So, um, after I dropped the team off at the studio, I really wasn't ready to go home.
You wanted to continue celebrating.
I decided to treat myself to glass of champagne at the Garrison Okay.
which is where I met the young man.
How young? He was twenty-something.
Oh.
Okay.
After some small talk, he asked me to take him back to his apartment, and, uh Mm-hmm.
the flirtation developed into something more and then he just whipped out his Whoa.
I I get the picture.
- I was gonna say "badge.
" - Oh.
At first, I thought it was just a game.
But he was an undercover cop.
The apartment was a trap set up by the LAPD vice as part of a sting operation.
You know, I thought it was odd that he wanted me to go back to his place, because normally we go back to mine.
Wait.
Normally? Let's just say I'm experiencing a bit of a s sexual renaissance.
Oh dear.
Um Okay.
Bobbi, the police look for key phrases that indicate intent to pay for sex, so did you say anything that they could have misinterpreted? No! I mean, none of this makes any sense.
Okay.
This cannot get out.
I teach children to dance, and this really could destroy the business.
Listen, we are going to get you out on bail, and then I'm gonna go speak to the A.
D.
A.
- Okay? - Okay.
Don't worry.
[ Bell ringing .]
Tadasana.
[ Chuckles .]
Uttanasana.
[ Chuckles .]
Rough crowd.
I'm just a beginner.
Tadasana.
[ Men chuckling .]
Excuse me, but some of us are trying to focus on our chakras.
Stacy, you need to stand up right now.
- What? - Your pants are see-through.
What? [ Gasps .]
Young lady, your mula bandha is showing.
Oh, my God! - We got to go.
Let's go.
- Okay, okay.
Tadasana.
Nicole, have you seen Teri? Uh, courthouse or gynecologist.
- What? - I'm sorry.
I I can't remember, but, um, she told me to give you your messages.
Okay.
Thank you.
Okay.
These are all Owen's messages.
Okay.
Ah.
[ Chuckles .]
Okay, Nicole, I need you to call the A.
D.
A.
's office and set up a meeting.
[ Sighs .]
You know what? I'll I'll do it myself.
Thank you, again, for coming all the way out to Wyoming.
Mr.
Wycott, I got to ask you.
At any time, did you and Lonna plan on living in Wyoming permanently? No.
No, she told me the house was just for vacations.
And when she served you with the divorce papers, how long had you two been staying in the Wyoming house? About 2 1/2 months.
Did you return to L.
A.
during that time, even for a short trip? We were supposed to go back for a wedding, but Lonna got sick and we had to cancel.
Let me guess after the wedding, she made a speedy recovery? Yeah.
How did you know? You need to be living in Wyoming for 60 consecutive days in order to get divorced in this state.
[ Scoffs .]
You know, when we got married, I vowed to make her happy no matter what.
I even gave up my career to help her with her business.
And to find out that she tricked me into moving to Wyoming so that she could get a bigger divorce settlement it's just wrong.
Jane.
You wanted to see me? Yeah.
Bobbi Dobkins.
[ Chuckling .]
She's not a John.
I mean, she's an upstanding businessperson.
Do you know how many upstanding businesspeople get arrested for solicitation? My client believed that she had a real connection with that undercover cop.
As a personal favor, please, drop the charges.
Issue a warning.
Two weeks ago, maybe.
But not now.
Cracking down on sex crimes is a priority for the new mayor.
So, your boss, the D.
A.
, needs to show off.
- Jane, your client's guilty.
- She is an honest woman.
She swears she never even offered the man money.
No.
But she did offer something.
So, you're offering me dance lessons? Oh, yeah.
I can offer you salsa lessons or tango lessons or even ballroom lessons.
[ Chuckles .]
Well, how many lessons are we talking about? Um how many? Well, how about one for every orgasm? You know I'm a pro, right? Yes, sir.
It's clear you are no amateur.
Well, I'm a police officer, and you're under arrest.
[ Chuckles .]
That's cute.
Officer Hicks, does this video accurately depict the negotiation that occurred between you and the defendant? Yes.
No further questions.
[ Clears throat .]
Apart from dance lessons, did my client offer you anything else? No, ma'am.
[ Chuckling .]
Your Honor, salsa for sex? This is hardly solicitation.
The statute requires an offer of money or other consideration in exchange for sexual acts.
In people vs.
Guidry, a doctor offered medical services.
In people vs.
Beam, a tow-truck driver offered towing services.
Hello.
Miss Dobkins did not offer services.
What she offered was more of an incentive.
The dance lessons have a monetary value, do they not? Technically, yes, but Then there's enough here to proceed to trial.
Your Honor, we're only here because my client's wife bought a second home in Wyoming to make it look like they moved here.
That's ridiculous.
Mr.
Wycott is simply trying to claw his way back to California in order to squeeze more money out of his wife - in the divorce settlement.
- Come on! They got married in L.
A.
and have lived there for 11 years.
What's more plausible that the Wyoming house is a vacation spot or that they woke up one day and decided to give it all up for life in Wyoming? Mr.
Kent, if you believe living in our fair state means giving it all up, then clearly, you've never canoed the mist of Jackson Lake or witnessed the grandeur of Old Faithful.
Make sure you don't miss the cowgirls of the West Museum.
Of course.
What I meant to say was The purpose of this hearing is to determine where this marriage was geographically situated California or Wyoming.
To that end, I believe home is where the heart is.
I'd like to know where Dustin and Lonna planned their lives, intended to raise a family, and joined a community.
So tomorrow, I expect to see some evidence with heart.
Your Honor, the law clearly stipulates Save it, Mr.
Kent.
And next time I see you, I expect your feet to be in boots.
[ Gavel bangs .]
Sign of respect.
We're adjourned.
[ Door opens .]
Mr.
Saginaw? Hi.
My client would like to make a personal appeal to you.
Okay.
[ Door closes .]
I take full responsibility for my actions, and I promise to never put myself in that position again.
Jane, I told you my hands were tied.
Well, I know you told me, but you didn't tell her.
Come on.
As an A.
D.
A.
, you see so many awful people who do horrible things.
All she's asking for is a little compassion.
Okay.
Fine.
In exchange for a misdemeanor guilty plea, no jail time and a minimum fine.
And we keep this quiet? Works for me.
Assuming you don't challenge the asset forfeiture.
- Wait.
What? - Any vehicle driven by a John is automatically seized by the city.
That's my dance van.
I I can barely afford the payments as it is.
I cannot afford a new one.
I seriously doubt the D.
A.
's office needs a van that says "Little Deb's Dancers.
" The city's broke.
Asset recovery is mandatory.
We cannot accept your terms.
Then I can't accept your apology.
[ Knock on door .]
Jane, I am sorry about earlier today.
I was distracted.
Oh, no.
I hardly noticed.
But thank you.
I was completely unprofessional, and I let my relationship issues get in the way of work.
Wait.
Your relationship issues? I am sorry.
I am being really inappropriate.
Nicole, no! Listen, I I know we aren't close, but if you're going through something You know, I like to think of this firm as a family.
You know? So you should feel free to just vent.
[ Chuckles .]
Grayson broke up with me.
Oh.
Oh.
Oh, I'm so sorry.
I should have seen it coming.
You know what? This is probably the last thing that you need to be worried about, so I am sorry to have bothered you.
No! Nicole.
[ Chuckling .]
No.
You are no bother, believe me.
Maybe you'll feel better if you talk about it.
[ Sighs .]
Yeah.
- Okay.
- Yeah.
We stopped for dinner on the way to Santa Barbara.
Mm-hmm.
At the table, Grayson was distant.
Mm.
He insisted he was fine, but I pushed.
Then he admitted he he didn't think I was the one.
Wow.
Oh, well, I'm so sorry.
Yeah, I I want to hate him, but I can't.
I mean, I know he tried really hard to make it work with me, but Well, Jane, have you ever dated a gay guy? - Grayson is not gay.
- No.
I mean, in high school.
I dated three in a row.
They all wanted to be the perfect boyfriend, but they couldn't because their heart just wasn't in it.
Well, Grayson's heart just wasn't in us.
It's as if he he's in love with someone else.
Oh.
Anyways, thanks for listening.
Good night, Jane.
Oh, Stace, I am so glad you're up.
You are never gonna believe this.
Oh.
Sorry.
Are you meditating? I'm trying to, but I can't.
My third eye is blind.
My Om Sport yoga pants are see-through.
And yesterday, the entire class saw my mula bandha.
I can never show my face in there again.
Come on.
Yoga students are enlightened.
Maybe in India, but not in L.
A.
There's a photo on Instagram.
Oh, God.
I'm so sorry, sweetie.
Anyway, what can I not believe? Guess who broke up before they ever made to Santa Barbara? Grayson and Nicole! Ooh, this is big.
Jane, you need to seize the day.
The way Grayson dates, you got to get in there before he jumps to someone else.
But then I'm the rebound? No way.
Nicole is the rebound.
You're the bound.
You are bound to be with Grayson, finally.
Well, right now, he's in Wyoming on a case, but we are having dinner when he gets back.
We should pick out an outfit something that says, "if you don't ravage me soon, I am going to scream.
" Oh, I wish I could.
I got to go to court and defend my mom.
Oh.
How's that going? Get to tell a roomful of strangers all about my mom's sex life.
Good luck with that.
Thanks.
[ Breathes deeply .]
Mr.
Wycott, where do you live? California.
Lonna and I created a life in L.
A.
Can you give examples to prove it? Every Christmas, we go to Disney Hall.
- We already have our tickets.
- We sold those tickets.
A month ago, we R.
S.
V.
P.
'd to join our Jackson Hole neighbors for the holiday jamboree.
Our wedding album is still on our coffee table in Los Angeles.
Our walls are covered with family photos.
I scanned our photos.
In our new home, we have digital picture frames in every room.
Every Sunday in L.
A.
, we go to Venice Beach.
- We take a dip in the ocean.
- Every Sunday in Jackson Hole, we go horseback riding and have lunch at the Saddle House Grill half the price, and the waiters know our names.
Ms.
Wycott, do you have any proof that your husband intended to move here permanently? Dustin gave me this card just after we bought our house in Wyoming.
"To my one and only, Happy Birthday" "the first of many in our new home, sweet home.
" I request a recess, Your Honor.
Not necessary, Mr.
Kent.
I've heard enough to find that Wyoming does have jurisdiction over this divorce.
Tomorrow morning, I'd like to see both parties with settlement offers as per Wyoming law.
We are adjourned.
Owen, you wanted to see me? Stacy, I'd like you to meet Jamie Nance, manager of the L.
A.
branch of Om Sport Yoga.
Hello.
I was so sorry to hear about the incident in yoga class.
I'm here to apologize on behalf of Om Sport.
Those pants were defective and should have never left your factory.
We agree.
Unfortunately, it was a one-in-a-million manufacturing mistake.
We hope you'll accept our apologies and a $500 gift card.
Thank you.
Thanks.
Thank you.
Owen.
That was so sweet.
My pleasure.
Now you can continue your spiritual path.
$500 of spandex will not restore my dignity.
I am still the laughingstock at Yogi Rodney's.
Stacy, come on.
You know what? Tomorrow, you and I are going back to Yogi Rodney's class.
I appreciate what you're trying to Bupbup-bup.
I will not take no for an answer.
My name is Clayton Barclay.
I'm a bartender at the Garrison.
Mr.
Barclay, what's the average age of the female patrons at the bar? Between 40 and 55.
And the male patrons? About the same, except for Wednesday nights.
And what's so different about Wednesday nights? We have a cougar night, so it's older women, younger guys.
And the younger guys are they prostitutes? Some of them are, yes.
Objection.
Speculation.
Unless Mr.
Barclay is an expert at identifying male prostitutes.
Sustained.
Last question do you recognize the defendant? Vodka tonic, two limes.
Thank you.
[ Clears throat .]
Mr.
Barclay, have you ever heard my client solicit a man for sex? - No.
- And are all the men who go to the Garrison on Wednesday nights gigolos? [ Chuckles .]
No.
No more questions.
Ms.
Dobkins has a tab at the bar? Yes.
Uh, it's just shy of $200.
$200.
Okay, this isn't "Mad Men.
" Women buy men drinks, right? - Get over it.
- Get to your point, Mr.
Saginaw.
Did Ms.
Dobkins ever offer to pay down her tab with dance lessons? Yes, she offered the entire staff cha-cha lessons, actually.
Let the record reflect that the defendant clearly views her dance lessons as a form of currency.
This isn't good, is it? No.
So, Bobbi, I need to put you on the stand.
No.
I I cannot talk about my sex life with a bunch of people.
The jury needs to see you are a professional and mature adult.
It's too late for that, isn't it? [ Sighing .]
Oh, this is so embarrassing.
Bobbi! - Hey! - Hi! Tell me about court.
Did Jane deliver an amazing argument to wow the jury and save the day? [ Singsong voice .]
Not yet.
- Did you hear my big news? - Hmm? I'm pregnant.
Oh, Stacy! - Wow.
- Thank you.
Well, listen, ladies, I'm gonna let you catch up, 'cause I need to prepare an amazing argument to wow the jury.
Wow.
- So, you're gonna have a baby.
- Mm-hmm.
I realized there's nothing in the world I wanted more than to be a mom.
I know that feeling.
Yeah.
I remember buying baby clothes even before I was pregnant.
[ Gasps .]
Oh.
Wow.
Uh, do when are you due? Do you do you have, uh, names picked out? Bobbi, are you okay? Oh, I'm just flushed, that's all.
I don't mean to pry, but, um, are you having a hot flash? [ Laughs .]
Ooh, no, no.
It's definitely not that.
- It's can you keep a secret? - I sure can.
Jane still thinks Owen is the one who deleted the season finale of "The Bachelorette" from our DVR.
Gosh.
This is so personal.
But, uh, I had a a little procedure done to enlarge my G-spot.
And while this has done wonders for my sex life, every once in a while, I'll get these sort of just spontaneous sen-sations! Are you having one right now? Please, don't tell anybody, n not even Jane, okay? Really.
And I'm gonna go oh j just put some water on my face.
Okay.
I will it's good to [Gasping.]
see you.
Jane? Do you have a second? Sure.
Of course.
So, um, Judge Kaufman is looking for a new clerk.
I was wondering if you would make a call on my behalf.
Is this about Grayson? I would like to move on to other opportunities.
Understood.
I'll make that call today.
- Thank you.
- No problem.
Hi.
Oh.
You're busy? No, no, no.
No.
I was just helping out a co-worker.
Between us, Grayson broke up with her, and now she wants out of here.
Oh.
Hmm.
Another one bites the dust.
Well, you know, finding a soul mate takes time.
Grayson already found his soul mate, and now every woman he dates is compared to Deb.
Well, not to take anything away from Deb, but I know Grayson pretty well, and I think he's gonna find another equally suitable soul mate.
Well, I'm sorry, but I don't think he'll ever settle down.
Well, maybe you're projecting your own issues onto Grayson, you know? The way you jump from bed to bed.
Excuse me?! I don't think you know anything about my issues.
Well, I've actually learned a lot about you in the past 48 hours.
Oh, wow.
That was unprofessional.
I'm gonna go.
Bobbi, I I [ Sighs .]
That came out wrong.
[ Sighs .]
Business records for my wife's company.
What are you looking for? Wyoming doesn't recognize community property, but you quit your job to help Lonna with her business, so maybe we can find some reimbursement for your time.
Okay.
[ Chuckles .]
Thanks.
You doing okay, man? [ Sighs .]
You know, for 11 years, Lonna was my whole world.
And now I see her in the courtroom, and she feels like a complete stranger.
I understand.
I know it's not the exact same thing.
But a few years ago, I lost someone close to me.
I'm sorry.
The judge said home is where the heart is.
Maybe he's right.
I don't know.
But I can tell you one thing I know for certain in order to heal, the heart needs to move on.
It doesn't mean we give up our old memories, but we have to create new ones.
How's that going for you? Let's just say I'm working on it.
[ Chuckles .]
All right.
Hey, Dustin.
Um, when Lonna suggested the Wyoming house, did you have any idea she wasn't happy in the relationship? No.
Things seemed good between us, or so I thought.
Anything unusual happen around that time? Uh, I remember she went to the cosmetic conference in Atlanta.
When she came back, she suggested the vacation home.
So, a woman who lives in Los Angeles goes to a conference in Atlanta, then decides she wants to buy a house in Wyoming? Doesn't that strike you as odd? It does when you put it like that.
[ Indistinct conversations .]
[ Piano playing softly .]
Hi.
I want to apologize.
I am so sorry for what I said to you yesterday.
Thank you.
And I can be a little overprotective of Grayson.
Well, you were being protective of Deb.
And I respect that.
It's hard for me to see him with anybody but her.
Yeah.
I understand that.
You know, and we're both pretty upset about your case.
I know that you hate the idea, but I really think our best move in court is to put you on the stand.
All right.
If you think it's that important.
I do.
I want the jury to relate to you.
Oh, you know what? You should wear your vintage bouclé suit.
It's perfect.
How do you know about my vintage bouclé? Stacy.
She showed me pictures of, um, Deb's sweet-16 party.
[ Chuckling .]
That that party cost me a fortune.
She had to have it at Trader Vic's, and every table had to have a flaming pupu platter.
Well, I'm sure it was worth every cent.
Okay, I've gone through all of your wife's business receipts, and I need to discuss something with you.
Okay.
Okay, last year, Lonna's conference was six days.
For the first three, her morning room-service order was eggs benedict, orange juice, and a doughnut.
Yeah, Lonna likes to cheat on her diet when she travels.
For the next three days, she ordered two of everything plus a glass of half-cranberry, half-grapefruit juice.
Grapefruit juice? No way.
No, she thinks it'll make her skin break out.
I hate to say this, but I think Lonna was cheating on more than her diet.
All right, everyone.
Take your positions.
Owen, I want to go home.
Everyone's already looking at me.
Trust me.
When class starts, nobody's gonna be looking at you.
Uttanasana.
All right.
Owen, those are my pants.
That's right.
My mula bandha.
Take it in, people.
Drink it up.
[ Laughs .]
Ms.
Dobkins, just one important question.
Do you frequently offer free dance classes with no expectations of anything in return? Absolutely.
I love what I do.
Everybody should dance.
No further questions.
Were you aware that the Garrison has a reputation as a hot spot for prostitution? I had no idea.
And it is not as if the guys walk around with name tags that say "hello.
I'm a gigolo.
" Are you familiar with this issue of "L.
A.
Weekly"? Uh, yes, I have I've have seen that before.
[ Exhales sharply .]
We found it in your van.
I've underlined a review of the Garrison.
Would you read it, please? Hmm.
[ Gasps .]
"On on Wednesday nights, the Garrison is the best place" "for women of a certain age to solicit sex" Do you need a minute, Ms.
Dobkins? Bobbi, are you okay? I'm fine.
"bar And it's atmo sphere!" Someone call the paramedics! She's having a heart attack! [ Breathing heavily .]
Ohh! Jane, really, I'm fine, and I would like to check myself out now.
The doctors need to run some tests.
[ Sighs .]
The only reason that I'm in here is because you told the paramedics that I was having a heart attack.
Well, you were sweating and stammering and I know, but it was not my heart.
It was an orgasm.
What? An orgasm.
And I have not been able to control them since I had a little procedure called a G-shot.
Oh, God.
I'm so confused.
Collagen is injected directly into the G-spot to increase pleasure and sexual desire.
Okay.
Why on earth would you do this? Jane, I lost my drive.
Maybe that's just, you know, 'cause you weren't in a meaningful relationship.
Relationship.
[ Sighs .]
Do you know what it's like out there for women like me? The older guys they're looking for trophy wives, and the younger guys just want to party.
My idea of a big Friday night was a pot of green tea and blogging about knitting.
I mean, really, I was in a rut until I saw that "L.
A.
Weekly" ad.
So you did know the bar's reputation? No, no.
I I never read that article.
But I had the magazine in my van because it had an advertisement for the G-shot.
Okay.
See, I thought that if the shot could make me feel sexual again, then men might see me that way.
You could have called me.
We could have talked about that.
Oh, honey, you're sweet, but I wasn't looking for conversation.
I wanted intimacy.
And I wanted to be touched.
I guess this shot still seems extreme, you know? Men have Viagra.
And this really isn't that different.
And the results are magic, really.
Except for that one side effect these occasional spontaneous orgasms.
How common are these side effects? Well, the day after the shot, it started up, so I went right back to the doctor, and he said that I am one-in-a-million but that they would diminish over the next couple of weeks.
Oh, Bobbi.
I think your G-spot just saved the case.
Any idea where your client is, Mr.
Kent? I'm supposed to meet my family at the Wagon Wheel.
Oh, he'll be here any minute.
Good morning.
Sorry I'm late.
I brought juice.
You do not intend to drink that in here.
No.
It's not for me.
It's for opposing counsel.
Half-cranberry, half-grapefruit juice.
You drink that every morning, don't you? - Yeah, uh - Come on, A.
J.
Anybody who's ever had breakfast with you knows you order that crap.
But why are you bringing juice to opposing counsel? We subpoenaed room-service records from the Atlanta hotel where Lonna attended a cosmetic conference a year ago.
Well, it turns out A.
J.
was at the same hotel for a legal symposium.
For three days, he ordered juice to his room, then he ordered it to hers.
What the hell are you implying? Well, it doesn't take a genius to understand the implication.
You are having an affair with your attorney.
And that affair predates the Wyoming house, which shows that Lonna induced Dustin to buy that house under false pretenses.
Your Honor, how does the fine state of Wyoming treat fraud? Among the toughest in the nation.
I strongly encourage you to settle this divorce and give Dustin everything he's entitled to in California.
Your Honor, I'm moving to dismiss the case - against Bobbi Dobkins.
- On what grounds? Because my client was unable to form the requisite specific intent to commit the crime of solicitation.
- That's ridiculous.
- Actually, it's science.
Because of the side effects of a medical procedure, Ms.
Dobkins has been suffering from a condition known as hypersexual disorder.
What procedure? She got a G-shot in her G-spot, and hypersexuality is a rare but well-documented side effect.
This is ludicrous.
The G-spot doesn't even exist.
Is that the official position of the state of California, or have you just not found it yet? Well And hypersensitivity of the G-spot can lead to a state of neural arousal which impairs judgment the judgment necessary to form intent.
This is absurd.
We have sworn statements from my client's doctor which documents our claim.
Unless you can disprove the medical testimony, Ms.
Bingum has made a compelling argument.
And this case is dismissed.
[ Gavel bangs .]
Oh! Oh, thank you, Jane.
Thank you.
Thank you.
[ Clears throat .]
Stacy.
Wow! You look so zen, I almost mistook you for the Dalai Lama.
Thanks, but you do realize the Dalai Lama's, like, an 80-year-old man? [ Laughs .]
You know what? Let me take you to dinner.
We can celebrate your triumphant return to Yogi Rodney's class.
[ Sighs .]
What you did today was the nicest thing anyone's ever done for me.
- It was nothing.
- It was everything.
It reminded me of why I chose you to be my sperm donor.
Thank you.
Here's the thing.
I've never been in a successful relationship.
Owen I think we need to break up before I mess this up and then you hate me.
I could never hate you.
I promise if things don't work out between us, we'll always be friends.
You see, that's exactly what Michael Beck said.
Who? He was this guy that I dated years ago, and I thought he was the one until we took a couples trip to Santa Barbara.
On the way back, we got into a fight over an Elton John song.
Michael insisted it was "Hold me closer, Tony Danza.
" I tried to tell him nicely that he was wrong, and the next thing you know, we were fighting about everything.
We broke up.
He calls "Loveline" and tells Dr.
Drew that one of my boobs was bigger than the other.
Not true, by the way.
Stacy, I'm not Michael Beck.
I know, but I'm still Stacy.
And suppose this gets serious and then we break up.
And things could get ugly, and I don't want my child to be around parents who don't get along.
I want my child to respect you and not be colored by mean things that I might say about you because of Tony Danza.
[ Voice breaking .]
So for the sake of the baby, we need to break up.
I actually, uh I understand.
But just know I won't give up on us.
I should go.
Stacy.
With your heart and my hot mula bandha, that's one lucky kid.
Yeah.
[ Sighs .]
[ Knock on door .]
Hi.
I wanted to say thank you.
You got the job.
Judge Kaufman said, with your glowing recommendation, she had to hire me.
I start tomorrow.
Congratulations.
Thank you.
And because it happened so quickly, I can get out of here before Grayson gets back.
Yeah.
You know what, Nicole? For what it's worth, Grayson's lack of commitment was never about you.
You're fabulous.
You're gonna meet somebody else.
Damn right I will.
[ Laughs .]
Goodbye, Jane.
Bye.
[ Indistinct conversations .]
Oh.
Hi.
Hi.
I'm so glad that you could make it.
I'm so glad you called.
You know, I've been meaning to tell you, legal troubles aside, I'm actually really impressed that you took control of your sexuality.
Well, from here on out, I'll just choose the men more carefully.
Well, sure.
[ Chuckles .]
How about you? Are you dating anyone? Um, oh.
Grayson.
Grayson? Oh, Grayson.
Right.
I asked him to to join us.
Hello, ladies.
So, how was Wyoming? Let's just say it made me miss L.
A.
Hmm.
Drinks on me.
Chardonnay for you and a vodka tonic, two limes.
Good memory.
Jane, for the record, I was wrong.
Wrong about what? I never thought that Grayson could look at anybody the way he looked at Deb, but he does.
You.
That's ridiculous.
Really? And it makes sense, because the way you were defending him you have feelings.
Well Ever since we met, I thought we had a special bond, so I'm just gonna say this.
You with Grayson that feels right.
Now I'm gonna leave you two alone.
Okay.
[ Chuckles .]
Life is short.
You tell him how you feel.
Here you go.
Hey.
Thank you.
So, Grayson, um I have something that I want to say to you.
After everything that we've been through, I - Jane! - Stacy.
Sorry.
One second.
Excuse me.
- What? - I have been trying to call you.
I turned my phone off, but whatever it is, it can wait.
No, it can't.
Your mother's in the hospital.
No.
Sweetie.
My mother's right over there.
No.
Your other mother.
Jane's mom.
She collapsed.
What?! Hold on.
Everything okay? I'm so sorry.
I I have to go.
I thought I'd go straight to heaven, but there was a bit of a mix-up, and I woke up in someone else's body.
[ Screams .]
So now I'm Jane, a super-busy lawyer with my very own assistant.
I got a new life, a new wardrobe, and the only people who really know what's going on with me are my girlfriend Stacy and my guardian angel, Paul.
I used to think everything happened for a reason.
Whoo! [ Laughs .]
Now, I sure hope I was right.
Drop Dead Diva 5x12 - Guess Who's Coming Original air date October 27, 2013 That would be 18 days, Bob.
[ Ding .]
Yes, that is correct.
Mario Lopez and Ali Landry were married for exactly 18 days.
And now for the final question to break our three-way tie.
Los Angeles County Code 17.
20.
010 makes it illegal to? Roller skate in a public library.
Jane Bingum, you've just won a trip for two to Paris! Oh, my God! The most romantic city in the world.
And now for your big decision.
Who's the lucky fella you'll be taking on your trip? Well, um, at the moment, I'm single, so See, I love Grayson, but he is with Nicole.
And while I know that he's my soul mate, I think I'm [ Buzzer .]
Jane, Jane, this isn't therapy.
This is a game show.
No boyfriend, no romantic vacation.
- What? - But we do have the perfect prize just for you.
A dinette set for one with a lifetime guarantee of dining alone.
Let's give it up for Jane, everyone.
[ Applause .]
No! No!! [ Gasps .]
Another cup? Why not? Not really looking forward to work today.
What? Come on.
You love your work.
You just don't want to see Grayson and Nicole together.
Well, they'll probably be all handsy since they just spent a romantic weekend in Santa Barbara.
Do you remember our big couples trip to Santa Barbara when you were still in your original body? Yeah.
Me and Grayson and you and Michael Beck.
[ Laughs .]
You nearly got us thrown out of that resort when that family caught the two of you together.
Well, how were we supposed to know that the hot tub was actually a kiddie pool? I wonder what happened to Michael.
You know, you swore after you broke up you'd be friends forever.
Yeah.
Well, you know how that goes.
Anyway, I've got just the thing to take your mind off of Grayson - Yoga.
- Hmm.
Yogi Rodney is teaching a special class at noon.
He's so spiritual.
Even Owen is going.
You got Owen to go to yoga? If seeing me and Owen together is a problem, I totally understand.
No, it's not.
[ Chuckles .]
And even if it was that, I am working through it.
Well, Yogi Rodney is the best.
I promise you, for 90 minutes, your mind will travel to places you have never been.
Wyoming? You're assigning me a case in Wyoming? I need you to make an appearance for an old friend of mine, Dustin Wycott.
He and his wife live in Los Angeles.
Last year, she decided to purchase a vacation home in Wyoming.
When they were done remodeling, bam, she filed for divorce - in Wyoming.
- Ouch.
Unlike California, Wyoming has no community-property laws.
Let me guess she's the breadwinner, and Wyoming law will save her a ton in the divorce.
Bigtime.
His wife's name is Lonna Wycott.
She's the founder of Lonna's Lotions.
Facial in a Jar.
She's worth millions.
Your job is to convince a Wyoming judge to cede jurisdiction of the divorce to California.
One problem I can't practice law in Wyoming.
Yes, you can.
I have an order admitting you pro hac vice, a plane ticket, and a client file.
Enjoy the cowboy state.
[ Elevator bell dings .]
Good morning.
For you, maybe.
I got a plane to catch.
[ Gasps .]
Is that Facial in a Jar? Lonna is my skin-care goddess.
Look at my pores.
Can't see them, can you? No? - Can I have this? - Sure.
So, uh, Lonna's divorcing her husband.
I'm representing him in Wyoming.
[ Elevator bell dings .]
Oh.
Good luck.
Oh, uh, Jane, let's grab dinner when I get back.
- Is everything okay? - Oh, yeah.
You know, I just, uh, want to talk, you know, out of the office.
Okay.
It's a date.
[ Chuckles .]
I mean well, you know what I mean.
Hey, boss.
Urgent message.
Christophe had a cancellation and he's able to do my highlights? Sadly, no.
Bobbi Dobkins was arrested.
- They're holding her at lockup.
- What? Oh, my God! Um, um, call the precinct.
Tell the desk sergeant that I'm on my way.
[ Cellphone rings .]
Hey.
Stace, listen, I can't make yoga.
Oh, come on! I want you to see my new yoga pants.
Wait.
You sound stressed.
Were Grayson and Nicole French-kissing in the bullpen? - No.
My mom has been arrested.
- Which mom? My mom.
Deb's mom.
I'll call you later, okay? [ Buzzer .]
Oh, thank God.
Bobbi.
Oh.
I feel terrible bothering you.
No.
God.
You are never a bother.
I would have called Grayson, but the circumstances are are too personal.
Well, you can tell me anything.
Think of me as your family.
Now, come on.
Tell me what happened.
I have been arrested for [ Voice breaking .]
I can't even say it.
Bobbi, what? I've been arrested for hiring a guy to change my oil.
Well, was he an unlicensed mechanic, because if you didn't know No, no.
He was gonna clean my pipes.
I'm sorry.
I still don't follow.
Jane, I've been charged with solicitation.
Solicitation? Solicitation of what? Solicitation of sex.
What?! I've been charged with hiring a male prostitute.
You hired a man for sex? Well, I didn't think that's what I was doing.
It was just a cute guy in a bar.
Okay.
Okay.
You know what? Let's start at the beginning.
My dance team had just won the Star America competition.
- Yay! - And not to brag, but my choreography was pretty fabulous.
Well, I'm sure it was.
So, um, after I dropped the team off at the studio, I really wasn't ready to go home.
You wanted to continue celebrating.
I decided to treat myself to glass of champagne at the Garrison Okay.
which is where I met the young man.
How young? He was twenty-something.
Oh.
Okay.
After some small talk, he asked me to take him back to his apartment, and, uh Mm-hmm.
the flirtation developed into something more and then he just whipped out his Whoa.
I I get the picture.
- I was gonna say "badge.
" - Oh.
At first, I thought it was just a game.
But he was an undercover cop.
The apartment was a trap set up by the LAPD vice as part of a sting operation.
You know, I thought it was odd that he wanted me to go back to his place, because normally we go back to mine.
Wait.
Normally? Let's just say I'm experiencing a bit of a s sexual renaissance.
Oh dear.
Um Okay.
Bobbi, the police look for key phrases that indicate intent to pay for sex, so did you say anything that they could have misinterpreted? No! I mean, none of this makes any sense.
Okay.
This cannot get out.
I teach children to dance, and this really could destroy the business.
Listen, we are going to get you out on bail, and then I'm gonna go speak to the A.
D.
A.
- Okay? - Okay.
Don't worry.
[ Bell ringing .]
Tadasana.
[ Chuckles .]
Uttanasana.
[ Chuckles .]
Rough crowd.
I'm just a beginner.
Tadasana.
[ Men chuckling .]
Excuse me, but some of us are trying to focus on our chakras.
Stacy, you need to stand up right now.
- What? - Your pants are see-through.
What? [ Gasps .]
Young lady, your mula bandha is showing.
Oh, my God! - We got to go.
Let's go.
- Okay, okay.
Tadasana.
Nicole, have you seen Teri? Uh, courthouse or gynecologist.
- What? - I'm sorry.
I I can't remember, but, um, she told me to give you your messages.
Okay.
Thank you.
Okay.
These are all Owen's messages.
Okay.
Ah.
[ Chuckles .]
Okay, Nicole, I need you to call the A.
D.
A.
's office and set up a meeting.
[ Sighs .]
You know what? I'll I'll do it myself.
Thank you, again, for coming all the way out to Wyoming.
Mr.
Wycott, I got to ask you.
At any time, did you and Lonna plan on living in Wyoming permanently? No.
No, she told me the house was just for vacations.
And when she served you with the divorce papers, how long had you two been staying in the Wyoming house? About 2 1/2 months.
Did you return to L.
A.
during that time, even for a short trip? We were supposed to go back for a wedding, but Lonna got sick and we had to cancel.
Let me guess after the wedding, she made a speedy recovery? Yeah.
How did you know? You need to be living in Wyoming for 60 consecutive days in order to get divorced in this state.
[ Scoffs .]
You know, when we got married, I vowed to make her happy no matter what.
I even gave up my career to help her with her business.
And to find out that she tricked me into moving to Wyoming so that she could get a bigger divorce settlement it's just wrong.
Jane.
You wanted to see me? Yeah.
Bobbi Dobkins.
[ Chuckling .]
She's not a John.
I mean, she's an upstanding businessperson.
Do you know how many upstanding businesspeople get arrested for solicitation? My client believed that she had a real connection with that undercover cop.
As a personal favor, please, drop the charges.
Issue a warning.
Two weeks ago, maybe.
But not now.
Cracking down on sex crimes is a priority for the new mayor.
So, your boss, the D.
A.
, needs to show off.
- Jane, your client's guilty.
- She is an honest woman.
She swears she never even offered the man money.
No.
But she did offer something.
So, you're offering me dance lessons? Oh, yeah.
I can offer you salsa lessons or tango lessons or even ballroom lessons.
[ Chuckles .]
Well, how many lessons are we talking about? Um how many? Well, how about one for every orgasm? You know I'm a pro, right? Yes, sir.
It's clear you are no amateur.
Well, I'm a police officer, and you're under arrest.
[ Chuckles .]
That's cute.
Officer Hicks, does this video accurately depict the negotiation that occurred between you and the defendant? Yes.
No further questions.
[ Clears throat .]
Apart from dance lessons, did my client offer you anything else? No, ma'am.
[ Chuckling .]
Your Honor, salsa for sex? This is hardly solicitation.
The statute requires an offer of money or other consideration in exchange for sexual acts.
In people vs.
Guidry, a doctor offered medical services.
In people vs.
Beam, a tow-truck driver offered towing services.
Hello.
Miss Dobkins did not offer services.
What she offered was more of an incentive.
The dance lessons have a monetary value, do they not? Technically, yes, but Then there's enough here to proceed to trial.
Your Honor, we're only here because my client's wife bought a second home in Wyoming to make it look like they moved here.
That's ridiculous.
Mr.
Wycott is simply trying to claw his way back to California in order to squeeze more money out of his wife - in the divorce settlement.
- Come on! They got married in L.
A.
and have lived there for 11 years.
What's more plausible that the Wyoming house is a vacation spot or that they woke up one day and decided to give it all up for life in Wyoming? Mr.
Kent, if you believe living in our fair state means giving it all up, then clearly, you've never canoed the mist of Jackson Lake or witnessed the grandeur of Old Faithful.
Make sure you don't miss the cowgirls of the West Museum.
Of course.
What I meant to say was The purpose of this hearing is to determine where this marriage was geographically situated California or Wyoming.
To that end, I believe home is where the heart is.
I'd like to know where Dustin and Lonna planned their lives, intended to raise a family, and joined a community.
So tomorrow, I expect to see some evidence with heart.
Your Honor, the law clearly stipulates Save it, Mr.
Kent.
And next time I see you, I expect your feet to be in boots.
[ Gavel bangs .]
Sign of respect.
We're adjourned.
[ Door opens .]
Mr.
Saginaw? Hi.
My client would like to make a personal appeal to you.
Okay.
[ Door closes .]
I take full responsibility for my actions, and I promise to never put myself in that position again.
Jane, I told you my hands were tied.
Well, I know you told me, but you didn't tell her.
Come on.
As an A.
D.
A.
, you see so many awful people who do horrible things.
All she's asking for is a little compassion.
Okay.
Fine.
In exchange for a misdemeanor guilty plea, no jail time and a minimum fine.
And we keep this quiet? Works for me.
Assuming you don't challenge the asset forfeiture.
- Wait.
What? - Any vehicle driven by a John is automatically seized by the city.
That's my dance van.
I I can barely afford the payments as it is.
I cannot afford a new one.
I seriously doubt the D.
A.
's office needs a van that says "Little Deb's Dancers.
" The city's broke.
Asset recovery is mandatory.
We cannot accept your terms.
Then I can't accept your apology.
[ Knock on door .]
Jane, I am sorry about earlier today.
I was distracted.
Oh, no.
I hardly noticed.
But thank you.
I was completely unprofessional, and I let my relationship issues get in the way of work.
Wait.
Your relationship issues? I am sorry.
I am being really inappropriate.
Nicole, no! Listen, I I know we aren't close, but if you're going through something You know, I like to think of this firm as a family.
You know? So you should feel free to just vent.
[ Chuckles .]
Grayson broke up with me.
Oh.
Oh.
Oh, I'm so sorry.
I should have seen it coming.
You know what? This is probably the last thing that you need to be worried about, so I am sorry to have bothered you.
No! Nicole.
[ Chuckling .]
No.
You are no bother, believe me.
Maybe you'll feel better if you talk about it.
[ Sighs .]
Yeah.
- Okay.
- Yeah.
We stopped for dinner on the way to Santa Barbara.
Mm-hmm.
At the table, Grayson was distant.
Mm.
He insisted he was fine, but I pushed.
Then he admitted he he didn't think I was the one.
Wow.
Oh, well, I'm so sorry.
Yeah, I I want to hate him, but I can't.
I mean, I know he tried really hard to make it work with me, but Well, Jane, have you ever dated a gay guy? - Grayson is not gay.
- No.
I mean, in high school.
I dated three in a row.
They all wanted to be the perfect boyfriend, but they couldn't because their heart just wasn't in it.
Well, Grayson's heart just wasn't in us.
It's as if he he's in love with someone else.
Oh.
Anyways, thanks for listening.
Good night, Jane.
Oh, Stace, I am so glad you're up.
You are never gonna believe this.
Oh.
Sorry.
Are you meditating? I'm trying to, but I can't.
My third eye is blind.
My Om Sport yoga pants are see-through.
And yesterday, the entire class saw my mula bandha.
I can never show my face in there again.
Come on.
Yoga students are enlightened.
Maybe in India, but not in L.
A.
There's a photo on Instagram.
Oh, God.
I'm so sorry, sweetie.
Anyway, what can I not believe? Guess who broke up before they ever made to Santa Barbara? Grayson and Nicole! Ooh, this is big.
Jane, you need to seize the day.
The way Grayson dates, you got to get in there before he jumps to someone else.
But then I'm the rebound? No way.
Nicole is the rebound.
You're the bound.
You are bound to be with Grayson, finally.
Well, right now, he's in Wyoming on a case, but we are having dinner when he gets back.
We should pick out an outfit something that says, "if you don't ravage me soon, I am going to scream.
" Oh, I wish I could.
I got to go to court and defend my mom.
Oh.
How's that going? Get to tell a roomful of strangers all about my mom's sex life.
Good luck with that.
Thanks.
[ Breathes deeply .]
Mr.
Wycott, where do you live? California.
Lonna and I created a life in L.
A.
Can you give examples to prove it? Every Christmas, we go to Disney Hall.
- We already have our tickets.
- We sold those tickets.
A month ago, we R.
S.
V.
P.
'd to join our Jackson Hole neighbors for the holiday jamboree.
Our wedding album is still on our coffee table in Los Angeles.
Our walls are covered with family photos.
I scanned our photos.
In our new home, we have digital picture frames in every room.
Every Sunday in L.
A.
, we go to Venice Beach.
- We take a dip in the ocean.
- Every Sunday in Jackson Hole, we go horseback riding and have lunch at the Saddle House Grill half the price, and the waiters know our names.
Ms.
Wycott, do you have any proof that your husband intended to move here permanently? Dustin gave me this card just after we bought our house in Wyoming.
"To my one and only, Happy Birthday" "the first of many in our new home, sweet home.
" I request a recess, Your Honor.
Not necessary, Mr.
Kent.
I've heard enough to find that Wyoming does have jurisdiction over this divorce.
Tomorrow morning, I'd like to see both parties with settlement offers as per Wyoming law.
We are adjourned.
Owen, you wanted to see me? Stacy, I'd like you to meet Jamie Nance, manager of the L.
A.
branch of Om Sport Yoga.
Hello.
I was so sorry to hear about the incident in yoga class.
I'm here to apologize on behalf of Om Sport.
Those pants were defective and should have never left your factory.
We agree.
Unfortunately, it was a one-in-a-million manufacturing mistake.
We hope you'll accept our apologies and a $500 gift card.
Thank you.
Thanks.
Thank you.
Owen.
That was so sweet.
My pleasure.
Now you can continue your spiritual path.
$500 of spandex will not restore my dignity.
I am still the laughingstock at Yogi Rodney's.
Stacy, come on.
You know what? Tomorrow, you and I are going back to Yogi Rodney's class.
I appreciate what you're trying to Bupbup-bup.
I will not take no for an answer.
My name is Clayton Barclay.
I'm a bartender at the Garrison.
Mr.
Barclay, what's the average age of the female patrons at the bar? Between 40 and 55.
And the male patrons? About the same, except for Wednesday nights.
And what's so different about Wednesday nights? We have a cougar night, so it's older women, younger guys.
And the younger guys are they prostitutes? Some of them are, yes.
Objection.
Speculation.
Unless Mr.
Barclay is an expert at identifying male prostitutes.
Sustained.
Last question do you recognize the defendant? Vodka tonic, two limes.
Thank you.
[ Clears throat .]
Mr.
Barclay, have you ever heard my client solicit a man for sex? - No.
- And are all the men who go to the Garrison on Wednesday nights gigolos? [ Chuckles .]
No.
No more questions.
Ms.
Dobkins has a tab at the bar? Yes.
Uh, it's just shy of $200.
$200.
Okay, this isn't "Mad Men.
" Women buy men drinks, right? - Get over it.
- Get to your point, Mr.
Saginaw.
Did Ms.
Dobkins ever offer to pay down her tab with dance lessons? Yes, she offered the entire staff cha-cha lessons, actually.
Let the record reflect that the defendant clearly views her dance lessons as a form of currency.
This isn't good, is it? No.
So, Bobbi, I need to put you on the stand.
No.
I I cannot talk about my sex life with a bunch of people.
The jury needs to see you are a professional and mature adult.
It's too late for that, isn't it? [ Sighing .]
Oh, this is so embarrassing.
Bobbi! - Hey! - Hi! Tell me about court.
Did Jane deliver an amazing argument to wow the jury and save the day? [ Singsong voice .]
Not yet.
- Did you hear my big news? - Hmm? I'm pregnant.
Oh, Stacy! - Wow.
- Thank you.
Well, listen, ladies, I'm gonna let you catch up, 'cause I need to prepare an amazing argument to wow the jury.
Wow.
- So, you're gonna have a baby.
- Mm-hmm.
I realized there's nothing in the world I wanted more than to be a mom.
I know that feeling.
Yeah.
I remember buying baby clothes even before I was pregnant.
[ Gasps .]
Oh.
Wow.
Uh, do when are you due? Do you do you have, uh, names picked out? Bobbi, are you okay? Oh, I'm just flushed, that's all.
I don't mean to pry, but, um, are you having a hot flash? [ Laughs .]
Ooh, no, no.
It's definitely not that.
- It's can you keep a secret? - I sure can.
Jane still thinks Owen is the one who deleted the season finale of "The Bachelorette" from our DVR.
Gosh.
This is so personal.
But, uh, I had a a little procedure done to enlarge my G-spot.
And while this has done wonders for my sex life, every once in a while, I'll get these sort of just spontaneous sen-sations! Are you having one right now? Please, don't tell anybody, n not even Jane, okay? Really.
And I'm gonna go oh j just put some water on my face.
Okay.
I will it's good to [Gasping.]
see you.
Jane? Do you have a second? Sure.
Of course.
So, um, Judge Kaufman is looking for a new clerk.
I was wondering if you would make a call on my behalf.
Is this about Grayson? I would like to move on to other opportunities.
Understood.
I'll make that call today.
- Thank you.
- No problem.
Hi.
Oh.
You're busy? No, no, no.
No.
I was just helping out a co-worker.
Between us, Grayson broke up with her, and now she wants out of here.
Oh.
Hmm.
Another one bites the dust.
Well, you know, finding a soul mate takes time.
Grayson already found his soul mate, and now every woman he dates is compared to Deb.
Well, not to take anything away from Deb, but I know Grayson pretty well, and I think he's gonna find another equally suitable soul mate.
Well, I'm sorry, but I don't think he'll ever settle down.
Well, maybe you're projecting your own issues onto Grayson, you know? The way you jump from bed to bed.
Excuse me?! I don't think you know anything about my issues.
Well, I've actually learned a lot about you in the past 48 hours.
Oh, wow.
That was unprofessional.
I'm gonna go.
Bobbi, I I [ Sighs .]
That came out wrong.
[ Sighs .]
Business records for my wife's company.
What are you looking for? Wyoming doesn't recognize community property, but you quit your job to help Lonna with her business, so maybe we can find some reimbursement for your time.
Okay.
[ Chuckles .]
Thanks.
You doing okay, man? [ Sighs .]
You know, for 11 years, Lonna was my whole world.
And now I see her in the courtroom, and she feels like a complete stranger.
I understand.
I know it's not the exact same thing.
But a few years ago, I lost someone close to me.
I'm sorry.
The judge said home is where the heart is.
Maybe he's right.
I don't know.
But I can tell you one thing I know for certain in order to heal, the heart needs to move on.
It doesn't mean we give up our old memories, but we have to create new ones.
How's that going for you? Let's just say I'm working on it.
[ Chuckles .]
All right.
Hey, Dustin.
Um, when Lonna suggested the Wyoming house, did you have any idea she wasn't happy in the relationship? No.
Things seemed good between us, or so I thought.
Anything unusual happen around that time? Uh, I remember she went to the cosmetic conference in Atlanta.
When she came back, she suggested the vacation home.
So, a woman who lives in Los Angeles goes to a conference in Atlanta, then decides she wants to buy a house in Wyoming? Doesn't that strike you as odd? It does when you put it like that.
[ Indistinct conversations .]
[ Piano playing softly .]
Hi.
I want to apologize.
I am so sorry for what I said to you yesterday.
Thank you.
And I can be a little overprotective of Grayson.
Well, you were being protective of Deb.
And I respect that.
It's hard for me to see him with anybody but her.
Yeah.
I understand that.
You know, and we're both pretty upset about your case.
I know that you hate the idea, but I really think our best move in court is to put you on the stand.
All right.
If you think it's that important.
I do.
I want the jury to relate to you.
Oh, you know what? You should wear your vintage bouclé suit.
It's perfect.
How do you know about my vintage bouclé? Stacy.
She showed me pictures of, um, Deb's sweet-16 party.
[ Chuckling .]
That that party cost me a fortune.
She had to have it at Trader Vic's, and every table had to have a flaming pupu platter.
Well, I'm sure it was worth every cent.
Okay, I've gone through all of your wife's business receipts, and I need to discuss something with you.
Okay.
Okay, last year, Lonna's conference was six days.
For the first three, her morning room-service order was eggs benedict, orange juice, and a doughnut.
Yeah, Lonna likes to cheat on her diet when she travels.
For the next three days, she ordered two of everything plus a glass of half-cranberry, half-grapefruit juice.
Grapefruit juice? No way.
No, she thinks it'll make her skin break out.
I hate to say this, but I think Lonna was cheating on more than her diet.
All right, everyone.
Take your positions.
Owen, I want to go home.
Everyone's already looking at me.
Trust me.
When class starts, nobody's gonna be looking at you.
Uttanasana.
All right.
Owen, those are my pants.
That's right.
My mula bandha.
Take it in, people.
Drink it up.
[ Laughs .]
Ms.
Dobkins, just one important question.
Do you frequently offer free dance classes with no expectations of anything in return? Absolutely.
I love what I do.
Everybody should dance.
No further questions.
Were you aware that the Garrison has a reputation as a hot spot for prostitution? I had no idea.
And it is not as if the guys walk around with name tags that say "hello.
I'm a gigolo.
" Are you familiar with this issue of "L.
A.
Weekly"? Uh, yes, I have I've have seen that before.
[ Exhales sharply .]
We found it in your van.
I've underlined a review of the Garrison.
Would you read it, please? Hmm.
[ Gasps .]
"On on Wednesday nights, the Garrison is the best place" "for women of a certain age to solicit sex" Do you need a minute, Ms.
Dobkins? Bobbi, are you okay? I'm fine.
"bar And it's atmo sphere!" Someone call the paramedics! She's having a heart attack! [ Breathing heavily .]
Ohh! Jane, really, I'm fine, and I would like to check myself out now.
The doctors need to run some tests.
[ Sighs .]
The only reason that I'm in here is because you told the paramedics that I was having a heart attack.
Well, you were sweating and stammering and I know, but it was not my heart.
It was an orgasm.
What? An orgasm.
And I have not been able to control them since I had a little procedure called a G-shot.
Oh, God.
I'm so confused.
Collagen is injected directly into the G-spot to increase pleasure and sexual desire.
Okay.
Why on earth would you do this? Jane, I lost my drive.
Maybe that's just, you know, 'cause you weren't in a meaningful relationship.
Relationship.
[ Sighs .]
Do you know what it's like out there for women like me? The older guys they're looking for trophy wives, and the younger guys just want to party.
My idea of a big Friday night was a pot of green tea and blogging about knitting.
I mean, really, I was in a rut until I saw that "L.
A.
Weekly" ad.
So you did know the bar's reputation? No, no.
I I never read that article.
But I had the magazine in my van because it had an advertisement for the G-shot.
Okay.
See, I thought that if the shot could make me feel sexual again, then men might see me that way.
You could have called me.
We could have talked about that.
Oh, honey, you're sweet, but I wasn't looking for conversation.
I wanted intimacy.
And I wanted to be touched.
I guess this shot still seems extreme, you know? Men have Viagra.
And this really isn't that different.
And the results are magic, really.
Except for that one side effect these occasional spontaneous orgasms.
How common are these side effects? Well, the day after the shot, it started up, so I went right back to the doctor, and he said that I am one-in-a-million but that they would diminish over the next couple of weeks.
Oh, Bobbi.
I think your G-spot just saved the case.
Any idea where your client is, Mr.
Kent? I'm supposed to meet my family at the Wagon Wheel.
Oh, he'll be here any minute.
Good morning.
Sorry I'm late.
I brought juice.
You do not intend to drink that in here.
No.
It's not for me.
It's for opposing counsel.
Half-cranberry, half-grapefruit juice.
You drink that every morning, don't you? - Yeah, uh - Come on, A.
J.
Anybody who's ever had breakfast with you knows you order that crap.
But why are you bringing juice to opposing counsel? We subpoenaed room-service records from the Atlanta hotel where Lonna attended a cosmetic conference a year ago.
Well, it turns out A.
J.
was at the same hotel for a legal symposium.
For three days, he ordered juice to his room, then he ordered it to hers.
What the hell are you implying? Well, it doesn't take a genius to understand the implication.
You are having an affair with your attorney.
And that affair predates the Wyoming house, which shows that Lonna induced Dustin to buy that house under false pretenses.
Your Honor, how does the fine state of Wyoming treat fraud? Among the toughest in the nation.
I strongly encourage you to settle this divorce and give Dustin everything he's entitled to in California.
Your Honor, I'm moving to dismiss the case - against Bobbi Dobkins.
- On what grounds? Because my client was unable to form the requisite specific intent to commit the crime of solicitation.
- That's ridiculous.
- Actually, it's science.
Because of the side effects of a medical procedure, Ms.
Dobkins has been suffering from a condition known as hypersexual disorder.
What procedure? She got a G-shot in her G-spot, and hypersexuality is a rare but well-documented side effect.
This is ludicrous.
The G-spot doesn't even exist.
Is that the official position of the state of California, or have you just not found it yet? Well And hypersensitivity of the G-spot can lead to a state of neural arousal which impairs judgment the judgment necessary to form intent.
This is absurd.
We have sworn statements from my client's doctor which documents our claim.
Unless you can disprove the medical testimony, Ms.
Bingum has made a compelling argument.
And this case is dismissed.
[ Gavel bangs .]
Oh! Oh, thank you, Jane.
Thank you.
Thank you.
[ Clears throat .]
Stacy.
Wow! You look so zen, I almost mistook you for the Dalai Lama.
Thanks, but you do realize the Dalai Lama's, like, an 80-year-old man? [ Laughs .]
You know what? Let me take you to dinner.
We can celebrate your triumphant return to Yogi Rodney's class.
[ Sighs .]
What you did today was the nicest thing anyone's ever done for me.
- It was nothing.
- It was everything.
It reminded me of why I chose you to be my sperm donor.
Thank you.
Here's the thing.
I've never been in a successful relationship.
Owen I think we need to break up before I mess this up and then you hate me.
I could never hate you.
I promise if things don't work out between us, we'll always be friends.
You see, that's exactly what Michael Beck said.
Who? He was this guy that I dated years ago, and I thought he was the one until we took a couples trip to Santa Barbara.
On the way back, we got into a fight over an Elton John song.
Michael insisted it was "Hold me closer, Tony Danza.
" I tried to tell him nicely that he was wrong, and the next thing you know, we were fighting about everything.
We broke up.
He calls "Loveline" and tells Dr.
Drew that one of my boobs was bigger than the other.
Not true, by the way.
Stacy, I'm not Michael Beck.
I know, but I'm still Stacy.
And suppose this gets serious and then we break up.
And things could get ugly, and I don't want my child to be around parents who don't get along.
I want my child to respect you and not be colored by mean things that I might say about you because of Tony Danza.
[ Voice breaking .]
So for the sake of the baby, we need to break up.
I actually, uh I understand.
But just know I won't give up on us.
I should go.
Stacy.
With your heart and my hot mula bandha, that's one lucky kid.
Yeah.
[ Sighs .]
[ Knock on door .]
Hi.
I wanted to say thank you.
You got the job.
Judge Kaufman said, with your glowing recommendation, she had to hire me.
I start tomorrow.
Congratulations.
Thank you.
And because it happened so quickly, I can get out of here before Grayson gets back.
Yeah.
You know what, Nicole? For what it's worth, Grayson's lack of commitment was never about you.
You're fabulous.
You're gonna meet somebody else.
Damn right I will.
[ Laughs .]
Goodbye, Jane.
Bye.
[ Indistinct conversations .]
Oh.
Hi.
Hi.
I'm so glad that you could make it.
I'm so glad you called.
You know, I've been meaning to tell you, legal troubles aside, I'm actually really impressed that you took control of your sexuality.
Well, from here on out, I'll just choose the men more carefully.
Well, sure.
[ Chuckles .]
How about you? Are you dating anyone? Um, oh.
Grayson.
Grayson? Oh, Grayson.
Right.
I asked him to to join us.
Hello, ladies.
So, how was Wyoming? Let's just say it made me miss L.
A.
Hmm.
Drinks on me.
Chardonnay for you and a vodka tonic, two limes.
Good memory.
Jane, for the record, I was wrong.
Wrong about what? I never thought that Grayson could look at anybody the way he looked at Deb, but he does.
You.
That's ridiculous.
Really? And it makes sense, because the way you were defending him you have feelings.
Well Ever since we met, I thought we had a special bond, so I'm just gonna say this.
You with Grayson that feels right.
Now I'm gonna leave you two alone.
Okay.
[ Chuckles .]
Life is short.
You tell him how you feel.
Here you go.
Hey.
Thank you.
So, Grayson, um I have something that I want to say to you.
After everything that we've been through, I - Jane! - Stacy.
Sorry.
One second.
Excuse me.
- What? - I have been trying to call you.
I turned my phone off, but whatever it is, it can wait.
No, it can't.
Your mother's in the hospital.
No.
Sweetie.
My mother's right over there.
No.
Your other mother.
Jane's mom.
She collapsed.
What?! Hold on.
Everything okay? I'm so sorry.
I I have to go.