Fresh Off The Boat (2015) s05e12 Episode Script
Legends of the Fortieth
1 So how do we feel about these aviators? I think I look great, like a business pilot.
They're a bit serial killer-y.
Okay.
Good feedback.
Tad harsh, but fair.
So then, how about these browline clubmasters? Style on top, substance down below.
Have you considered a monocle? You could be like Mr.
Peanut! What's up with the glasses anyways, Dad? You're always touting your 20/20 vision.
Well, I'm excited to report those clear-seeing days are over because I'm turning 40! The age one's vision officially begins to fail.
I will never fail an eye exam because I have memorized the letter board.
E, F-P, T-O-Z, P-D-L-E, D-E-F-Z-C, F-C-Z-D-E-P.
Well, I'm excited for glasses.
I can finally look as wise as I feel.
The waiting's the hardest part.
See? Wisdom.
Glasses or no glasses, how are we gonna celebrate your birthday? I'm thinking - yacht ride.
- Yeah I've already decided on the perfect plan.
Camping! Fresh off the boat I'm gettin' mine everywhere I go If you don't know, homey, now you know Fresh off the boat Homey, you don't know where I come from But I know where I'm goin' I'm fresh off the boat Dad, have you ever been camping before? - No.
- Then where did this come from? I just watched "Legends of the Fall," and I can't stop thinking about it.
The big sky, the rugged land, the raw emotions, and then it hit me.
I want to spend my 40th in the great outdoors.
Is this like when you watched the movie "Roger Rabbit" and wanted a rabbit? No, I just think it'll be fun to explore the frontier as a family.
What kind of role does the mother character play in this film? Mm None, really.
She abandoned the family.
Perfect.
So no camping for me in this reenactment.
Such a shame.
Looks like it's gonna be only us Huang men out in the wilderness.
We'll be just like the Ludlows Anthony Hopkins, Brad Pitt, those two other guys.
Howdy.
Glad you made it.
Careful where you step.
This horse just took a huge dump.
[Horse whinnies.]
To be Brad Pitt, even for a day Anyway.
Camping.
Cool, right? Yeah, Dad.
Super cool.
Totally.
Camping sounds awesome.
Yeah, super totally.
Great! I'll grab a map and start a gear list.
It will be comprehensive because we don't have any gear.
Oh, uh, Ma.
Did you want to There are no canoes in "Legend of the Fall.
" [Scoffs.]
- G-7.
- Miss.
Ugh, another miss? [Laughing.]
How? I haven't had a single hit in nearly an hour.
Wait.
Are you moving the ships? They're under attack.
Why would they stay still? Jessica, you can't [Chuckles.]
You know what? It's fine.
I'm just happy to be playing at all.
Marvin doesn't play? I thought he was in the Navy.
I got this for Marvin's birthday one year, and he totally freaked out.
He said, "There's no way four shots could sink a battleship.
" - Hmm.
- Oh, speaking of birthdays, what did you get Louis for his 40th? What I always get him.
A tie.
A tie? Don't you want to get him something a little nicer? I thought about getting it monogrammed, but I don't like his initials.
I just mean turning 40 is a big deal.
If this were the Middle Ages, he'd be the oldest person in the world.
Well, it's not the Middle Ages.
Everyone turns 40 these days.
You hit triple digits, then we will talk.
[Inhales deeply.]
B-3.
[Scoffs.]
Hit.
You sunk my destroyer.
That's the last of my fleet.
Still undefeated at children's board games! What are we gonna do about Dad's terrible camping idea? I guess we suck it up.
I'm already practicing my fake enthusiasm.
"Whoa, if that's Orion's Belt, where are his pants?" No way.
I'm not spending my weekend outside.
I can't pee when I know there could be animals watching.
Exactly.
Camping is hard, and birthdays are supposed to be fun.
What choice do we have? It's Dad's birthday.
He gets to decide.
That's why we have to convince him to decide to do something else, like throwing a party.
Ooh.
Bring on the birthday cake and Shirley Temples.
Man, I love Shirley Temples! That was real enthusiasm! Then we're agreed.
What Dad really wants to do is have a party.
Great because I am not sleeping on the ground.
You think this posture just happens? [Door opens, closes.]
Honey, I know you're pregnant again, but we need to set limits on your cravings-requests.
I was just here Have a seat, Jessica.
Marvin and I were talking, and, out of love, we wanted to discuss your gift-giving habits.
Think of this as an intervention.
A-A conversation.
We're worried you're not putting enough thought into Louis' birthday gift.
You should get him something a little more personal than a tie.
Mm-hmm.
- Like the game "Battleship"? - Please don't Ugh, I think that "Battleship" is a trash game.
Here we go.
To reduce the Navy to a plastic grid of numbers and letters.
What a farce.
Sweetheart, it's a classic game.
Everyone loves it.
Oh, does everyone know how vast the ocean is? How complex? It's a living, breathing organism, for goodness' sake.
Back to Louis' birthday gift I know my husband, and I know he doesn't want a fuss made over him, so no big parties.
No horse that does tricks.
No sentimental gifts from me.
But the 40th is different, Jessica.
You You begin to see life in an entirely new way.
Like my old diesel mechanic used to say, "On that day, you're not over the hill.
You're on top of it.
" That's beautiful, sugar bear.
- I miss that garage.
- Aww.
I grew up there in ways that I should probably keep to myself.
So what did you get Louis? Oh, I got him a top-of-the-line, American felling ax.
It represents the importance of exploring the world and building a life no matter how old you get.
Well, if you're such gift experts, what did you get Marvin when he turned 40? Uh I was 8.
So nothing then.
Hey, boys.
I'm getting us all knives for whittling or maybe blood oaths.
Sounds great, Dad.
Also we were thinking we could skip camping and throw a party here in Orlando instead.
No camping? But you guys were so excited.
And I was excited to teach you guys things you've never done Build a fire, forage for berries, hang our clothes on a branch while we swim.
But, Dad, this is your big 4-0.
We should spend it celebrating everything that makes you you.
To list great friends, great food, music and dancing.
You love dancing.
Weren't you the Cha Cha King of Taipei? Can't dance in the woods.
I guess that's true.
I wasn't burning firewood in my day.
I was burning up dance floors.
You give me a soft leather sole and a beat, and I'd give you the world.
See? All we're saying is it's your 40th.
- You should go big.
- And think about it.
You won't get another milestone birthday until you're 50.
And who knows where we'll all be by then? Evan: Yeah.
10 years from now, I could be studying in Paris.
Or at the rate I'm skipping grades, governing it.
Eddie: And I'll probably be coming off the bench for the Knicks.
I mean, someone's got to foul Shaq.
I guess I never thought of it that way.
You know what? Let's do it.
I'd love to plan a party with you guys.
You sure you're down for this? Is the hypotenuse the longest side of a triangle? - Yes.
The answer is yes.
- Yes.
I'm so glad we pulled this off.
I'm already thinking about that Shirley Temple.
The key is the two-to-one ratio of grenadine to Sprite.
Two to one?! Way too sweet! What are you, a hummingbird? Hey, who's ready to party plan? [Thuds.]
Is this all for one day?! Well, technically, two days should the festivities go past midnight, which they will, if we do our jobs.
Wait.
When did camping turn into a party? Oh, well, the boys had a good point.
You only turn 40 once.
It's a big deal.
Anyway, I'll let you boys look through this.
I can't wait to brainstorm my entrance song.
I'm thinking "Louie Louie.
" [Sighs.]
I thought he wanted to keep it simple.
Eddie: There are five pages on color schemes.
How many versions of gold can there be? "Muted Champagne"? "October Wheat"? There's an entire section called "Vibe.
" That's what caught your eye? Not the tab labeled "Coconut Bras Question mark"? How did this happen? Camping sounded like a lot, and Dad was into the idea of a party.
We thought it would be easier.
Well, you seem to have this under control, so I'm just gonna go to the kitchen and check on dinner.
[Door closes.]
Honey, we have a crisis.
Louis does think his birthday is a big deal.
You were right.
Maybe my giving him a tie isn't personal enough.
This is nothing we can't fix.
All you have to do is give him something from the heart.
Can I confess something to you? Of course, Jessica.
Anything.
I'm not a sentimental person.
Ah, yeah.
Well, lucky for you, pulling heartstrings is a my jam.
It's time for you to learn about the "Love Languages.
" I went to the University of Maryland.
They're called Romance languages.
No, these are the Love Languages.
They're the ways that we express affection to one another.
- It's all in there.
- Can you just tell me how it ends? Mm, it's not that kind of book.
Each chapter covers a different method for expressing love.
You just need to figure out which one Louis responds to and then match his gift to that.
- This really works? - Yeah.
How do you think Marvin and I got past the "Battleship" debacle? Once I learned he values "Acts of Service," I started making his day by taping "Price Is Right" when he was at work.
And then, when he learned mine was "Words of Affirmation," he started writing me the most amazing poems.
Ugh, this all sounds very "flower person" to me.
It's "flower child," and there's nothing hippie about it.
Hey, Honey.
Oh, hi.
I'm looking for a long, sturdy box.
The gift is hard to wrap.
I already picked you up a giant bow from the store.
- It's all you need! - Oh, you're a genius, Honey.
- God, I love you.
- Aww.
[Clears throat.]
"Some Honey for this bee? Yesiree.
" [Chuckles.]
Louis: Louie Louie Oh, oh, turning 40, 40 [Laughs.]
All right, guys.
I already took care of section 9 in binder 2 Venue.
We'll host it at Cattleman's! - There's a section 9? - There's a second binder? I'm kidding.
Cattleman's was always the venue.
I just never included it because I didn't want to waste valuable space on the D-ring.
[Chuckles.]
Good one.
All right.
I'll go gather all our extension cords, splitters, and surge protectors.
This party is really gonna test the grid! [Sighs.]
This sucks.
We should do what we always do when we have an enormous amount of schoolwork Buckle in and do it all in one day.
Like the time we knocked out two English papers, a science experiment, and built the White House out of sugar cubes.
It opened up our Sunday for filing Freedom of Information requests.
They may not have figured out who shot JFK, but we will.
You know, once in a while, it's good to know nerds.
Let's do this.
Um, what are you doing? Fluffing your pillow to show you I care.
But I like it flat and limp.
No.
- [Razor buzzing.]
- [Buzzing stops.]
What's happening right now? I'm expressing physical touch.
Are you enjoying yourself? Are you? [Hits sink.]
Good job buttering that toast.
Even spread right up to the crust.
Nice.
Yes, I will make you some, too.
[Knife clinks.]
[Birds chirping.]
[Sighs.]
Writing all these invitations wiped me out.
I can't imagine how you made all these cupcakes.
I ate every fifth one to keep my energy up.
I gave those balloons everything I had.
Look, at least we're done.
[Door opens.]
Whoa.
You guys already did this without me? I thought we were gonna do it together.
Well, now all that's left to do is party.
Wow, you guys are really into this, huh? - Of course, we are.
- Yeah, anything for you, Dad.
Well, now that you've freed up all this time Let's dance! - What? - I'm gonna teach you the cha-cha, and we'll perform it together at my party! - What? - This is perfect.
You know, I learned when I was your age.
But we're three different ages.
You guys said this party is about celebrating what makes me, me.
And what makes me, me Cha-cha! Great.
Great.
Jessica, what is this all about? I know it's not technically your birthday yet, but I was too excited to wait! Great card.
Really great.
[Exhales deeply.]
[Hinges creak.]
Well, what do you think? Jessica, I love it! [Chuckles.]
For a second, I thought there was gonna be a really big tie in there.
Oh, no.
What can I say? You know, it's your 40th.
The ax represents the importance of exploring the world and building a life no matter how old you get.
A symbolic tool.
Amazing.
[Door opens.]
Honey: Louis? Hey, Honey.
Can you believe this amazing gift Jessica got me? She knew just what I wanted without even axing.
Dad jokes.
I'm 40.
[Laughs.]
Wow.
An American felling ax.
What a thoughtful gift.
How did you come up with that? Dream.
It came to me in a dream.
Louis: Oh, if you think this is thoughtful, wait till you hear what she wrote in the card.
No, no, Louis.
Personal! It's so personal.
What it is is beautiful.
"To my loving husband, on this day, you're not over the hill, you're on top of it.
" [Voice breaking.]
Really beautiful card.
That's one hell of a dream you had.
[Normal voice.]
I'm gonna go see what I look like holding this in a mirror.
[Chuckles.]
Well, I feel like you're upset with me about Louis' gift.
Of course I'm upset! Marvin put a lot of thought into that ax, and you stole it! Well, I panicked.
Louis' birthday is soon, and I have nothing.
First, you got in my head about the tie, and then you gave me that book that didn't work.
So, in a way, this is all your fault.
You stole Marvin's ax.
I st I Jessica, I cannot believe this.
Louis: Now I know you're probably thinking, "Where's our matching outfits?" But don't worry, I've got Hector swinging by the tailor after he picks up a pallet of ribs.
Now, eyes on me.
[Cha-cha music plays.]
One, two, cha-cha-cha One, two, cha-cha-cha See what I'm doing here? Cha-cha-cha One, two, cha-cha-cha Eddie: Are you sure about this? I mean, we'd hate to interrupt the party that's in full swing to do a dance.
Louis: Keep the hips loose, just like this.
Arms up, and a smile.
That's the most important thing the smile.
"Suck it up and go camping," I said, but no.
No one listens to me.
You're the one who reminded him he's the Cha Cha King of Taipei.
He's the king of this? What kind of kingdom is this? Your arms are like Like broken bird wings.
Just like they're broken.
A cha-cha-cha! [Gasps.]
This is how it ends for me.
I would've knocked, but I didn't want to wake the baby.
Oh, now you're worried about others? I'm sorry I stole this.
I'm just worried I don't know Louis as well as I think I do.
What are you talking about? You saw how excited he got with the ax.
I never would have thought to get him something like this.
Well, of course, you wouldn't.
Louis and Marvin have a different relationship than you two do.
They're into chili, "Ernest" movies, and turning tires into swings.
Do you really want to sit around talking about axes? - No, I don't.
- Me, neither.
You and I have a different relationship.
You think they want to sit around discussing Stephen King novels or spend an afternoon prank-calling Deidre? [Scary voice.]
"I'll wear your face as my face.
" - [Normal voice.]
We do have fun.
- Mm-hmm.
And so do you and Louis.
I mean, Jessica, you know him better than anyone.
I'm sure you'll find the perfect gift.
- And you're sure it's not - It's not a tie.
[Cha-cha music plays.]
5, 6, 7, 8.
All right, now this part right here is important.
How many parts are there? Well, there's four basic ones, but we're not stopping there.
I didn't win the crown by keeping things simple.
Hey, holster those bony wrists.
Evan, make sure you don't work a slow step in there.
This isn't a mambo.
[Chuckles.]
I'm not a visual learner.
Eddie, remember to breathe.
You're looking a little stiff.
I don't have the hips for this.
[Music stops.]
It's okay, boys.
Much like the cha-cha itself, learning to dance is often two steps forward and a rock-step back.
- Do we really have to do this? - Yeah.
- Can we just be done? - Trust me.
I remember when I was first learning.
It gets a lot more fun the more you do it! None of this is fun for any of us.
- It's just dumb.
- But you're the ones who suggested I throw this party.
We're only here because you guys were so excited for it.
That's only because we didn't want to go camping with you.
Oh.
Look, uh, this was a bad idea.
Sorry I wasted your time.
- That's not what we - No, I get it.
I'm gonna make this easier on all of us.
Let's just cancel the party.
Well, dance continues to destroy our family.
What? How's the party-planning coming? I need it to be a home run because I still don't have a gift for your father.
Is a "gift horse" a real thing? Or is that just one of those weird sayings? The party's off.
It's off?! Why?! Because Evan can't cha-cha.
I'm sorry, Mom.
We ruined Dad's 40th.
Okay, we haven't ruined it yet.
His birthday's tomorrow, and we're not gonna let him down.
We just need to think.
What does your father like? - His hair? - Drying his hair? I got it.
"Legends of the Fall.
" It's what started this whole mess! Let's watch it! Sure, there's no mother character to root for, but maybe it will give us some ideas.
Might even cheer us up! [Sad music plays.]
Whoa.
That was one heavy movie.
Nearly everyone died.
Why would anyone watch this? It's just a two-hour tragedy about a family wishing they had more time together.
Come on, Louis.
Almost there.
Okay.
Take off your blindfold.
[Exhales sharply.]
[Birds chirping.]
You brought the Big Sky wilderness to Orlando.
[Chuckles.]
This is the best birthday gift ever.
We realized that the one thing you love more than anything in the world is spending time with your family.
Emery: We also took some inspiration from that depressing movie you love.
[Exhales sharply.]
You watched "Legends"? For Anthony Hopkins to go from Hannibal Lecter to Colonel Ludlow? The range.
And we're sorry, Dad.
We made your 40th birthday all about us when it's supposed to be about you.
Oh, it's okay.
Maybe I went a bit overboard.
When you said my next milestone would be 50, I realized you boys will be out of the house.
You'll be gone.
Dad, no matter where we are, we'll always come back to see you.
Thanks, guys.
This is such a thoughtful gift.
- Happy birthday! - Hey, buddy.
I invited them, too.
Hey! Jessica got me that same ax.
Okay, about that.
I stole Marvin's ax and gave it to you.
I was worried that the tie I got you wouldn't be meaningful enough for this birthday.
Are you kidding? I love my birthday ties.
They're my favorite accessory after my hair.
Hey, uh, Marvin, fire pit's looking a little light.
What do you say we split some timber? All right, let's do it, old man.
Maybe I ought to put on my steel-toe shoes.
Can't afford to lose any more toes.
- [Laughs.]
- Come on, boys.
Looks like the book worked out after all.
What are you talking about? The campsite where you guys are spending the night? Having us over to sit by the fire? Louis' love language is "Quality Time.
" - It's in the book.
- Oh! I didn't get that far.
I told you, you should have told me the ending.
- Oh, oh! - Whoa, no, no, no! Why do I have to be up against the sidewall? It's damp.
Ow! Emery was right.
What's going on with your wrists? They're growing.
- Shh! - Three two one Midnight.
[Laughs.]
I did it.
I'm 40.
- Yay.
- Happy birthday.
Jessica: How do you feel? Like my best days are ahead of me.
You enjoying tent life? - It's miserable.
I hate camping.
- So do I.
- Same.
- There's no air flow.
Yeah, I thought I'd feel more like Brad Pitt.
I think us Huangs are indoor cats.
Should we all go inside? - Yes, please! - Finally! Oh, my God.
- Yeah, bad idea.
- [Unzipping.]
They're a bit serial killer-y.
Okay.
Good feedback.
Tad harsh, but fair.
So then, how about these browline clubmasters? Style on top, substance down below.
Have you considered a monocle? You could be like Mr.
Peanut! What's up with the glasses anyways, Dad? You're always touting your 20/20 vision.
Well, I'm excited to report those clear-seeing days are over because I'm turning 40! The age one's vision officially begins to fail.
I will never fail an eye exam because I have memorized the letter board.
E, F-P, T-O-Z, P-D-L-E, D-E-F-Z-C, F-C-Z-D-E-P.
Well, I'm excited for glasses.
I can finally look as wise as I feel.
The waiting's the hardest part.
See? Wisdom.
Glasses or no glasses, how are we gonna celebrate your birthday? I'm thinking - yacht ride.
- Yeah I've already decided on the perfect plan.
Camping! Fresh off the boat I'm gettin' mine everywhere I go If you don't know, homey, now you know Fresh off the boat Homey, you don't know where I come from But I know where I'm goin' I'm fresh off the boat Dad, have you ever been camping before? - No.
- Then where did this come from? I just watched "Legends of the Fall," and I can't stop thinking about it.
The big sky, the rugged land, the raw emotions, and then it hit me.
I want to spend my 40th in the great outdoors.
Is this like when you watched the movie "Roger Rabbit" and wanted a rabbit? No, I just think it'll be fun to explore the frontier as a family.
What kind of role does the mother character play in this film? Mm None, really.
She abandoned the family.
Perfect.
So no camping for me in this reenactment.
Such a shame.
Looks like it's gonna be only us Huang men out in the wilderness.
We'll be just like the Ludlows Anthony Hopkins, Brad Pitt, those two other guys.
Howdy.
Glad you made it.
Careful where you step.
This horse just took a huge dump.
[Horse whinnies.]
To be Brad Pitt, even for a day Anyway.
Camping.
Cool, right? Yeah, Dad.
Super cool.
Totally.
Camping sounds awesome.
Yeah, super totally.
Great! I'll grab a map and start a gear list.
It will be comprehensive because we don't have any gear.
Oh, uh, Ma.
Did you want to There are no canoes in "Legend of the Fall.
" [Scoffs.]
- G-7.
- Miss.
Ugh, another miss? [Laughing.]
How? I haven't had a single hit in nearly an hour.
Wait.
Are you moving the ships? They're under attack.
Why would they stay still? Jessica, you can't [Chuckles.]
You know what? It's fine.
I'm just happy to be playing at all.
Marvin doesn't play? I thought he was in the Navy.
I got this for Marvin's birthday one year, and he totally freaked out.
He said, "There's no way four shots could sink a battleship.
" - Hmm.
- Oh, speaking of birthdays, what did you get Louis for his 40th? What I always get him.
A tie.
A tie? Don't you want to get him something a little nicer? I thought about getting it monogrammed, but I don't like his initials.
I just mean turning 40 is a big deal.
If this were the Middle Ages, he'd be the oldest person in the world.
Well, it's not the Middle Ages.
Everyone turns 40 these days.
You hit triple digits, then we will talk.
[Inhales deeply.]
B-3.
[Scoffs.]
Hit.
You sunk my destroyer.
That's the last of my fleet.
Still undefeated at children's board games! What are we gonna do about Dad's terrible camping idea? I guess we suck it up.
I'm already practicing my fake enthusiasm.
"Whoa, if that's Orion's Belt, where are his pants?" No way.
I'm not spending my weekend outside.
I can't pee when I know there could be animals watching.
Exactly.
Camping is hard, and birthdays are supposed to be fun.
What choice do we have? It's Dad's birthday.
He gets to decide.
That's why we have to convince him to decide to do something else, like throwing a party.
Ooh.
Bring on the birthday cake and Shirley Temples.
Man, I love Shirley Temples! That was real enthusiasm! Then we're agreed.
What Dad really wants to do is have a party.
Great because I am not sleeping on the ground.
You think this posture just happens? [Door opens, closes.]
Honey, I know you're pregnant again, but we need to set limits on your cravings-requests.
I was just here Have a seat, Jessica.
Marvin and I were talking, and, out of love, we wanted to discuss your gift-giving habits.
Think of this as an intervention.
A-A conversation.
We're worried you're not putting enough thought into Louis' birthday gift.
You should get him something a little more personal than a tie.
Mm-hmm.
- Like the game "Battleship"? - Please don't Ugh, I think that "Battleship" is a trash game.
Here we go.
To reduce the Navy to a plastic grid of numbers and letters.
What a farce.
Sweetheart, it's a classic game.
Everyone loves it.
Oh, does everyone know how vast the ocean is? How complex? It's a living, breathing organism, for goodness' sake.
Back to Louis' birthday gift I know my husband, and I know he doesn't want a fuss made over him, so no big parties.
No horse that does tricks.
No sentimental gifts from me.
But the 40th is different, Jessica.
You You begin to see life in an entirely new way.
Like my old diesel mechanic used to say, "On that day, you're not over the hill.
You're on top of it.
" That's beautiful, sugar bear.
- I miss that garage.
- Aww.
I grew up there in ways that I should probably keep to myself.
So what did you get Louis? Oh, I got him a top-of-the-line, American felling ax.
It represents the importance of exploring the world and building a life no matter how old you get.
Well, if you're such gift experts, what did you get Marvin when he turned 40? Uh I was 8.
So nothing then.
Hey, boys.
I'm getting us all knives for whittling or maybe blood oaths.
Sounds great, Dad.
Also we were thinking we could skip camping and throw a party here in Orlando instead.
No camping? But you guys were so excited.
And I was excited to teach you guys things you've never done Build a fire, forage for berries, hang our clothes on a branch while we swim.
But, Dad, this is your big 4-0.
We should spend it celebrating everything that makes you you.
To list great friends, great food, music and dancing.
You love dancing.
Weren't you the Cha Cha King of Taipei? Can't dance in the woods.
I guess that's true.
I wasn't burning firewood in my day.
I was burning up dance floors.
You give me a soft leather sole and a beat, and I'd give you the world.
See? All we're saying is it's your 40th.
- You should go big.
- And think about it.
You won't get another milestone birthday until you're 50.
And who knows where we'll all be by then? Evan: Yeah.
10 years from now, I could be studying in Paris.
Or at the rate I'm skipping grades, governing it.
Eddie: And I'll probably be coming off the bench for the Knicks.
I mean, someone's got to foul Shaq.
I guess I never thought of it that way.
You know what? Let's do it.
I'd love to plan a party with you guys.
You sure you're down for this? Is the hypotenuse the longest side of a triangle? - Yes.
The answer is yes.
- Yes.
I'm so glad we pulled this off.
I'm already thinking about that Shirley Temple.
The key is the two-to-one ratio of grenadine to Sprite.
Two to one?! Way too sweet! What are you, a hummingbird? Hey, who's ready to party plan? [Thuds.]
Is this all for one day?! Well, technically, two days should the festivities go past midnight, which they will, if we do our jobs.
Wait.
When did camping turn into a party? Oh, well, the boys had a good point.
You only turn 40 once.
It's a big deal.
Anyway, I'll let you boys look through this.
I can't wait to brainstorm my entrance song.
I'm thinking "Louie Louie.
" [Sighs.]
I thought he wanted to keep it simple.
Eddie: There are five pages on color schemes.
How many versions of gold can there be? "Muted Champagne"? "October Wheat"? There's an entire section called "Vibe.
" That's what caught your eye? Not the tab labeled "Coconut Bras Question mark"? How did this happen? Camping sounded like a lot, and Dad was into the idea of a party.
We thought it would be easier.
Well, you seem to have this under control, so I'm just gonna go to the kitchen and check on dinner.
[Door closes.]
Honey, we have a crisis.
Louis does think his birthday is a big deal.
You were right.
Maybe my giving him a tie isn't personal enough.
This is nothing we can't fix.
All you have to do is give him something from the heart.
Can I confess something to you? Of course, Jessica.
Anything.
I'm not a sentimental person.
Ah, yeah.
Well, lucky for you, pulling heartstrings is a my jam.
It's time for you to learn about the "Love Languages.
" I went to the University of Maryland.
They're called Romance languages.
No, these are the Love Languages.
They're the ways that we express affection to one another.
- It's all in there.
- Can you just tell me how it ends? Mm, it's not that kind of book.
Each chapter covers a different method for expressing love.
You just need to figure out which one Louis responds to and then match his gift to that.
- This really works? - Yeah.
How do you think Marvin and I got past the "Battleship" debacle? Once I learned he values "Acts of Service," I started making his day by taping "Price Is Right" when he was at work.
And then, when he learned mine was "Words of Affirmation," he started writing me the most amazing poems.
Ugh, this all sounds very "flower person" to me.
It's "flower child," and there's nothing hippie about it.
Hey, Honey.
Oh, hi.
I'm looking for a long, sturdy box.
The gift is hard to wrap.
I already picked you up a giant bow from the store.
- It's all you need! - Oh, you're a genius, Honey.
- God, I love you.
- Aww.
[Clears throat.]
"Some Honey for this bee? Yesiree.
" [Chuckles.]
Louis: Louie Louie Oh, oh, turning 40, 40 [Laughs.]
All right, guys.
I already took care of section 9 in binder 2 Venue.
We'll host it at Cattleman's! - There's a section 9? - There's a second binder? I'm kidding.
Cattleman's was always the venue.
I just never included it because I didn't want to waste valuable space on the D-ring.
[Chuckles.]
Good one.
All right.
I'll go gather all our extension cords, splitters, and surge protectors.
This party is really gonna test the grid! [Sighs.]
This sucks.
We should do what we always do when we have an enormous amount of schoolwork Buckle in and do it all in one day.
Like the time we knocked out two English papers, a science experiment, and built the White House out of sugar cubes.
It opened up our Sunday for filing Freedom of Information requests.
They may not have figured out who shot JFK, but we will.
You know, once in a while, it's good to know nerds.
Let's do this.
Um, what are you doing? Fluffing your pillow to show you I care.
But I like it flat and limp.
No.
- [Razor buzzing.]
- [Buzzing stops.]
What's happening right now? I'm expressing physical touch.
Are you enjoying yourself? Are you? [Hits sink.]
Good job buttering that toast.
Even spread right up to the crust.
Nice.
Yes, I will make you some, too.
[Knife clinks.]
[Birds chirping.]
[Sighs.]
Writing all these invitations wiped me out.
I can't imagine how you made all these cupcakes.
I ate every fifth one to keep my energy up.
I gave those balloons everything I had.
Look, at least we're done.
[Door opens.]
Whoa.
You guys already did this without me? I thought we were gonna do it together.
Well, now all that's left to do is party.
Wow, you guys are really into this, huh? - Of course, we are.
- Yeah, anything for you, Dad.
Well, now that you've freed up all this time Let's dance! - What? - I'm gonna teach you the cha-cha, and we'll perform it together at my party! - What? - This is perfect.
You know, I learned when I was your age.
But we're three different ages.
You guys said this party is about celebrating what makes me, me.
And what makes me, me Cha-cha! Great.
Great.
Jessica, what is this all about? I know it's not technically your birthday yet, but I was too excited to wait! Great card.
Really great.
[Exhales deeply.]
[Hinges creak.]
Well, what do you think? Jessica, I love it! [Chuckles.]
For a second, I thought there was gonna be a really big tie in there.
Oh, no.
What can I say? You know, it's your 40th.
The ax represents the importance of exploring the world and building a life no matter how old you get.
A symbolic tool.
Amazing.
[Door opens.]
Honey: Louis? Hey, Honey.
Can you believe this amazing gift Jessica got me? She knew just what I wanted without even axing.
Dad jokes.
I'm 40.
[Laughs.]
Wow.
An American felling ax.
What a thoughtful gift.
How did you come up with that? Dream.
It came to me in a dream.
Louis: Oh, if you think this is thoughtful, wait till you hear what she wrote in the card.
No, no, Louis.
Personal! It's so personal.
What it is is beautiful.
"To my loving husband, on this day, you're not over the hill, you're on top of it.
" [Voice breaking.]
Really beautiful card.
That's one hell of a dream you had.
[Normal voice.]
I'm gonna go see what I look like holding this in a mirror.
[Chuckles.]
Well, I feel like you're upset with me about Louis' gift.
Of course I'm upset! Marvin put a lot of thought into that ax, and you stole it! Well, I panicked.
Louis' birthday is soon, and I have nothing.
First, you got in my head about the tie, and then you gave me that book that didn't work.
So, in a way, this is all your fault.
You stole Marvin's ax.
I st I Jessica, I cannot believe this.
Louis: Now I know you're probably thinking, "Where's our matching outfits?" But don't worry, I've got Hector swinging by the tailor after he picks up a pallet of ribs.
Now, eyes on me.
[Cha-cha music plays.]
One, two, cha-cha-cha One, two, cha-cha-cha See what I'm doing here? Cha-cha-cha One, two, cha-cha-cha Eddie: Are you sure about this? I mean, we'd hate to interrupt the party that's in full swing to do a dance.
Louis: Keep the hips loose, just like this.
Arms up, and a smile.
That's the most important thing the smile.
"Suck it up and go camping," I said, but no.
No one listens to me.
You're the one who reminded him he's the Cha Cha King of Taipei.
He's the king of this? What kind of kingdom is this? Your arms are like Like broken bird wings.
Just like they're broken.
A cha-cha-cha! [Gasps.]
This is how it ends for me.
I would've knocked, but I didn't want to wake the baby.
Oh, now you're worried about others? I'm sorry I stole this.
I'm just worried I don't know Louis as well as I think I do.
What are you talking about? You saw how excited he got with the ax.
I never would have thought to get him something like this.
Well, of course, you wouldn't.
Louis and Marvin have a different relationship than you two do.
They're into chili, "Ernest" movies, and turning tires into swings.
Do you really want to sit around talking about axes? - No, I don't.
- Me, neither.
You and I have a different relationship.
You think they want to sit around discussing Stephen King novels or spend an afternoon prank-calling Deidre? [Scary voice.]
"I'll wear your face as my face.
" - [Normal voice.]
We do have fun.
- Mm-hmm.
And so do you and Louis.
I mean, Jessica, you know him better than anyone.
I'm sure you'll find the perfect gift.
- And you're sure it's not - It's not a tie.
[Cha-cha music plays.]
5, 6, 7, 8.
All right, now this part right here is important.
How many parts are there? Well, there's four basic ones, but we're not stopping there.
I didn't win the crown by keeping things simple.
Hey, holster those bony wrists.
Evan, make sure you don't work a slow step in there.
This isn't a mambo.
[Chuckles.]
I'm not a visual learner.
Eddie, remember to breathe.
You're looking a little stiff.
I don't have the hips for this.
[Music stops.]
It's okay, boys.
Much like the cha-cha itself, learning to dance is often two steps forward and a rock-step back.
- Do we really have to do this? - Yeah.
- Can we just be done? - Trust me.
I remember when I was first learning.
It gets a lot more fun the more you do it! None of this is fun for any of us.
- It's just dumb.
- But you're the ones who suggested I throw this party.
We're only here because you guys were so excited for it.
That's only because we didn't want to go camping with you.
Oh.
Look, uh, this was a bad idea.
Sorry I wasted your time.
- That's not what we - No, I get it.
I'm gonna make this easier on all of us.
Let's just cancel the party.
Well, dance continues to destroy our family.
What? How's the party-planning coming? I need it to be a home run because I still don't have a gift for your father.
Is a "gift horse" a real thing? Or is that just one of those weird sayings? The party's off.
It's off?! Why?! Because Evan can't cha-cha.
I'm sorry, Mom.
We ruined Dad's 40th.
Okay, we haven't ruined it yet.
His birthday's tomorrow, and we're not gonna let him down.
We just need to think.
What does your father like? - His hair? - Drying his hair? I got it.
"Legends of the Fall.
" It's what started this whole mess! Let's watch it! Sure, there's no mother character to root for, but maybe it will give us some ideas.
Might even cheer us up! [Sad music plays.]
Whoa.
That was one heavy movie.
Nearly everyone died.
Why would anyone watch this? It's just a two-hour tragedy about a family wishing they had more time together.
Come on, Louis.
Almost there.
Okay.
Take off your blindfold.
[Exhales sharply.]
[Birds chirping.]
You brought the Big Sky wilderness to Orlando.
[Chuckles.]
This is the best birthday gift ever.
We realized that the one thing you love more than anything in the world is spending time with your family.
Emery: We also took some inspiration from that depressing movie you love.
[Exhales sharply.]
You watched "Legends"? For Anthony Hopkins to go from Hannibal Lecter to Colonel Ludlow? The range.
And we're sorry, Dad.
We made your 40th birthday all about us when it's supposed to be about you.
Oh, it's okay.
Maybe I went a bit overboard.
When you said my next milestone would be 50, I realized you boys will be out of the house.
You'll be gone.
Dad, no matter where we are, we'll always come back to see you.
Thanks, guys.
This is such a thoughtful gift.
- Happy birthday! - Hey, buddy.
I invited them, too.
Hey! Jessica got me that same ax.
Okay, about that.
I stole Marvin's ax and gave it to you.
I was worried that the tie I got you wouldn't be meaningful enough for this birthday.
Are you kidding? I love my birthday ties.
They're my favorite accessory after my hair.
Hey, uh, Marvin, fire pit's looking a little light.
What do you say we split some timber? All right, let's do it, old man.
Maybe I ought to put on my steel-toe shoes.
Can't afford to lose any more toes.
- [Laughs.]
- Come on, boys.
Looks like the book worked out after all.
What are you talking about? The campsite where you guys are spending the night? Having us over to sit by the fire? Louis' love language is "Quality Time.
" - It's in the book.
- Oh! I didn't get that far.
I told you, you should have told me the ending.
- Oh, oh! - Whoa, no, no, no! Why do I have to be up against the sidewall? It's damp.
Ow! Emery was right.
What's going on with your wrists? They're growing.
- Shh! - Three two one Midnight.
[Laughs.]
I did it.
I'm 40.
- Yay.
- Happy birthday.
Jessica: How do you feel? Like my best days are ahead of me.
You enjoying tent life? - It's miserable.
I hate camping.
- So do I.
- Same.
- There's no air flow.
Yeah, I thought I'd feel more like Brad Pitt.
I think us Huangs are indoor cats.
Should we all go inside? - Yes, please! - Finally! Oh, my God.
- Yeah, bad idea.
- [Unzipping.]