Grown-ish (2018) s05e12 Episode Script

When it comes to dating,
it used to be that all a guy
could hope for was a light
peck on the first date.
But if there's one thing I've
learned in my time at Cal U,
it's that hookup culture is real.
Let's just say that
the time until tip-off
is significantly shorter.
Less talking. Let's get these pants off.
Uh
And I ain't mad at that.
Well, this has certainly
been a lovely evening.
If you want, I can come
up if you want to get down.
Um, I don't think I'm up for it tonight.
Oh, okay. That's cool.
We did have burritos.
All that sour cream.
No, it's not that.
I'm just having a a herpes flare-up.
- Herpes?
- Mm-hmm.
Like, um Like "herpes" herpes?
Yeah.
You're not gonna freak
out about this, are you?
Yes!
No! No, no, no, no, no, no.
Wow. Uh, I just feel
like I would remember,
you know, you telling me last week
that you had herpes when we had sex.
Well, that's because when we hooked up,
I didn't have an outbreak
and we used protection,
so the chances of you getting
it were relatively small.
Relatively?
Girl, what are you, S-Sir Isaac Newton?
Why didn't you tell me?
Because I shouldn't have to.
I'm the one living with
it, and we were safe.
Plus herpes, herpes, herpes.
Herpes, herpes, herpes,
herpes, herpes, herpes,
- herpes, herpes, herpes, herpes, herpes.
- [Bleep]
Guys, I just got the
worst news a guy can get.
Oh, you found out Batman isn't real?
Oh, your mom is mad at you!
Uh, no.
No, no.
Candice may have possibly
exposed me to an STI.
That's hilarious.
I mean I'm so sorry to hear that.
- Are you okay?
- I don't know.
My junk could possibly be
a World Health Organization
hot zone for all I know.
Come on, man, it's
not that big of a deal.
Just go get you a Z-Pak.
You know, you get the
clap, gotta clap back.
Yeah, dude, just go
to the health center,
ask for Nurse Tessa.
She is the second most
popular girl at this school.
Yeah, uh, you know
what's funny about that.
I don't know if, uh
I don't know if the
Z-Pak is gonna cover it.
She may have exposed me to herpes.
- Oh!
- God is good.
Wait a second. Wait a second.
You guys just said it wasn't a big deal.
I-I mean, it wasn't,
when it was, you know,
your garden-variety
chlamydias and gonorrheas,
but this is not the move.
This is so unfair.
I do everything right.
I'm responsible.
I wear condoms.
I think we are beyond whispering,
my little S-T-Diva.
Sure, they prevent some STIs,
but they're not foolproof.
You know what is foolproof?
Please don't say Jesus.
The only way to not get
an STD is to not S the D.
We knew what was coming.
That's my youth pastor always said.
You basically said Jesus.
Being responsible
goes both ways, Junior.
You're awfully judgey for someone
who didn't even know his own status.
Okay, so it's cool that
this girl is out here
tossing around herpes like free
T-shirts at a Clippers game?
That's what I'm saying.
- Hey.
- Right.
When you go for a ride
on Splash Mountain,
sometimes you get wet.
- Sploosh.
- Uh
Honestly, all this
just makes me happy that
Black people can't get cold sores.
No one take medical advice from him.
Aaron W. Jackson.
You're a hard man to track down.
Oh, shit, are you
are you from the FBI?
Okay, listen, I swear
to you that the tweet
I posted about punching
Clarence Thomas in the throat,
- it was it was a joke. Purely.
- Uh-huh.
Symone Andrews.
I run our panels for Diversity
and Inclusion at Metaverse,
and your speech at
headquarters last month
really sent shock waves
through the company.
Mm. Thank you.
So you came all the way from
Seattle to give me a compliment?
No, no, no. Um, I'm here because
I'd like to put you on another panel,
but you stopped responding
to everyone's e-mails.
I mean, I'm starting
to take this personally.
Yeah, I'm sorry. I'm just
not not interested.
Okay. Why?
Well, because the company that
you work for builds profits
off the backs of working-class people
while also donating
to political candidates
who essentially are
destroying this country.
Okay, okay. Well, um,
the school you work for
literally built its profits
off the backs of inmates
at San Quentin, so
Right. Well, that's why
I mean, I organized the
orange jumpsuit demonstration.
Yeah, but you still took the job here.
Because just like me, you
realize that the best way
to effect change is from the inside.
So, how about this?
Meet me here tomorrow,
and if what I have to show
you doesn't change your mind,
then I promise I'll stop stalking you.
Yeah.
Hmm.
Junior. Who needs men anyway?
I got this.
Let's do this.
Is your temperature rising?
No, that's not right.
You look like you need to be hosed down.
Nope, really dry over here.
I'm just an emotionally
available guy who goes to therapy.
Ugh! What's wrong with me?
After a good night's sleep
and a deep dive on WebMD,
I was pretty sure I didn't have herpes.
But possibly a tilted uterus?
Oh, no!
Oh, my God! Was that there before?
That wasn't there before.
Oh!
I think I need a second opinion.
Hmm.
It was either this or calling my mom,
and I might've made the wrong choice.
Huh. Interesting.
If you think about it,
Aaron's probably gonna be
my brother-in-law one day,
and Doug, he was just here.
It just looks like a
mild razor burn to me.
What do you think?
Unless you're chafing. Are you a chafer?
Come on, guys, I need to know.
Okay?
I have never played this game before.
Like Frisbee golf.
Wait. Why are you even
coming to us for this?
Great question. Your mom is a doctor.
Why isn't she doing this?
I just got a little nervous.
I haven't gotten my
test results back yet.
- Hmm.
- Wait, you already got tested?
I just thought you
didn't have insurance.
- What are bros for?
- Literally anything else but this.
Not that.
Uh, Candice is checking in
to see if I'm free tonight.
Don't even answer that. Don't do it.
Okay, okay, a little harsh,
but I think he's right.
I think ghosting is an appropriate move
- in this particular situation.
- Guys, are you kidding me?
What other girl is gonna
be down if I do have it?
- Hmm.
- We're basically together.
It's like Candice locked
me down with a kid,
except my herpes aren't gonna
grow up to become president.
I wouldn't sweat it.
Bro, I mean, yes,
you're benched right now,
but once you're cleared for play,
you're gonna be back wa-ow!
sinking threes.
Swish.
Thanks.
Yeah.
Well
it's a little awkward now.
- Yeah.
- Um
I guess I should leave
before it gets worse.
- Yeah. I didn't want to say it.
- Yeah, okay.
Well, gentlemen, I,
uh I bid you adieu.
I made it worse, didn't I?
- Yeah, you did. Yeah.
- Okay.
Just leave, please.
Somehow, I blame Zoey for this.
Okay.
I'm gonna grab a few more of these.
Hi, how you doing?
Oh!
You know, I wasn't sure
you were gonna show.
Neither was I.
- Okay.
- What is all this?
Oh, well, this is your next few hours.
We're gonna put a little
good into the world.
Oh.
You're full of surprises.
- Just you wait.
- Alright.
'Cause, um, surprise number
one, surprise number two.
I got you.
Hey.
Oh, what's up with you?
Okay, damn.
I am so frustrated.
Nothing is working.
I've tried everything,
but I think my spank bank is overdrawn.
Well, maybe you need a new visual aid.
I find the Old Spice commercials
or Jake from State Farm
really do the trick.
Okay, stop. Khakis?
No, what she needs is porn.
Hear me clearly.
SmutPile.net, okay?
Search Search "woke
girl gets pounded."
Oh, my God.
Sometimes I wonder if I should've gone
to a Christian university.
Okay, I'm not a porcelain doll
like Lauryn, but that shook me.
It's categories like
that that make me not want
to watch porn in the first place.
Most of it is just a
misogynist haunted house.
I don't need my fantasies
to be politically correct.
It's just
You know, it's called
role play for a reason.
You watch something nasty.
It's It's like junk food.
But it doesn't have to be.
You could go farm-to-table with it.
If you're willing to pay,
there's a lot of really
awesome stuff out there
hard-core, feminist, POC
action made by and for women.
I'm an ally, but no thanks.
Still, I need to figure this out
because I am dangerously close
to hooking up with a
random guy just to get off.
No, Lon.
Forget Lon.
You just need to find
what works for you.
I don't know what the problem is.
Maybe my vagina's broken.
Maybe it's not your vagina.
Maybe it's your heart.
They are two sides of the same coin.
You know what it? [Bleep] it.
Kiela, what's the name of that
website that you were talking about?
Smutpile.com?
No, no, no, no, it's Smutpile.net.
You do not want to go to Smutpile.com.
It's just That place gets dark, so
Well, you know what always works for me?
The basic-cable version of "Magic Mike."
Straight people are a disease.
What's up, my man?
Got some stuff for ya.
Alright. You have a good one. Thank you.
Whew.
Can you believe that?
Can't believe we fed what?
like ninety 98 families today.
I mean, it would've been 99,
but that vegan family
caught us slipping.
Man, I haven't done stuff
like this since my mom
used to make me volunteer
at the women's center
every time I left the toilet seat up.
You know everything we did today
came from Metaverse
corporate responsibility.
- Oh, did it? Metaverse?
- Yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah.
Look, I just wanted you to see that
there's many ways to make change.
I mean, sure, but come
on, this cost the company
less than one private jet, and
they only do it to look good
so that people will pipe down
about the billions of dollars
that they are dodging
in taxes every year.
You're right, you're right.
But, um, what feels better?
Being right or helping people, huh?
It's not like that.
Okay, let me just tell
you how I used to feel.
I was working for Black
Lives Matter and eventually
Wait, wait, wait, what?
You You worked for
Black Lives Matter?
Yeah.
I used to work with
the Kansas City chapter.
I mean, after Ferguson, I
knew I had to take action, so.
Uh, no offense.
You don't look like the
type to hold a megaphone.
Oh, whoa, okay, don't let
the high heels fool you.
- I get down.
- Oh, you get down?
- Yes.
- Alright.
Okay, so let me get this straight.
You You left BLM,
Black Lives Matter
Mm-hmm.
to go to Metaverse?
- Yeah.
- Why?
Because I found a way to use
this company's massive name
and resources to actually
do something good.
Hmm. Okay.
I guess we actually have
more in common than I thought.
Exactly.
Which is why I wanted to
bring you on to our team
to do a series of talks
with our C-level executives.
- Yeah, yeah, yeah.
- I mean, they need to understand
that diversity can improve
not only our communities
but our profit margins, too, you know?
Yes, yes, I hear you,
I totally hear you, but I just
- I don't
- Hey, hey, okay.
Look, I really respect you,
which is why I want to work together,
but I don't want you to do anything
that you're not comfortable with,
so how about you think about it?
For me.
Hmm?
- Okay.
- Okay.
I'll think about it for you.
Oh, God. Oh, God, oh, God!
My test results came in.
Oh, wow!
I have not been this nervous
about a test since the Sorting Hat.
Will you hold my hand?
I am begging you to honor
the boundaries we discussed.
Oh, come on, come on, come on.
Yes! Oh! Yes!
Wow!
I am cleaner than the pee that Zeke buys
to pass his drug tests.
I'm glad your test came back negative,
but you don't need to act
like you are not the father.
Oh, I could handle a kid.
This is a bigger deal.
What?
I have a right to be happy about this.
I am not radioactive.
Do you hear yourself?
What if you had herpes?
Would that make you undateable?
I mean
Junior.
You didn't even get to know this
girl before you canceled her.
Why not slow down on the smash-and-dash
and just enjoy the meal?
You know, maybe you're right.
I'm always right.
Candice is cool.
She's funny.
She's hot.
Maybe I should give this a real chance.
- Where you been?
- Eww!
Why you smell like government cheese?
One of the execs from
Metaverse tracked me down,
tricked me into doing manual
labor for the last four hours.
That's giving slavery, my guy.
It's actually the most fun
I've had in in a while, dude.
Mm.
Plus, Symone, the, uh
the exec, she's dope, man.
She's driven, she's smart.
She's interesting, not afraid
to call me out on my shit.
- Hmm. Okay.
- Yeah.
You know, I-I wonder how Zoey
would feel about this smart,
interesting, not afraid to call
you out on your shit female.
- It's not like that.
- Oh.
I promise. We We just
We got a lot in common is
all. We argued about, uh,
who had bigger influence
in South Africa.
We know Zoey's definitely not
the "chop it up about
South Africa" kind of girl.
That's not Zoey.
Nah, nah, she is not.
She, uh She thinks Desmond
Tutu is a fashion house.
Okay.
Don't "okay" me like that, man.
- Okay.
- Dude, for real, alright?
Everything is good.
One afternoon of me passing
out Bush's Baked Beans
is not gonna undo everything
I've built with Zoey.
Just some charity work.
Okay.
Alright.
Normally when Candace
and I get together,
we're on a fast track to smash town
but tonight, we're
taking the scenic route
and actually getting to know each other.
Ooh, season two of
"Blind, Drunk Love" is out.
Should we watch that?
Hmm, yeah, I'm not really
a reality-TV type of person.
Oh, okay.
Um, what about a movie?
Hmm, the cult classic "Mamma
Mia 2: Here We Go Again"!
- Is that a musical?
- Yeah.
I actually don't like music, so
Okay.
Uh, so what would you like to watch?
Oh, I don't care. You
choose. I'm not picky.
It's a little chilly in here.
Oh, I got you.
Here you go.
- Was this ethically made?
- I don't know.
Actually would you mind
just, um, turning off the A/C?
Sure, yeah, I will cross right
past you to get to the thermostat.
Oh, I know you like taking care of me.
I do.
And I expect to be
treated a certain way.
My guru Kimberly has really
had me working on my boundaries.
Mm-hmm.
And hey, I'm not saying I want
you to treat me like a princess,
but princess princess princess.
Princess princess
princess, princess princess,
princess princess,
princess princess, princess.
Please help me.
Alright, my guy.
Thank you. Got you.
Trying to stay on the diet, man.
I just
It all It all goes there.
I need a beer.
- Oh, you tested positive?
- No.
But just so you know, Mario
does not give an accurate
representation of what it
is like to date a princess.
What?
I went out with Candice
again, and it was trash.
Candice the walking Petri
dish we told you to ghost?
Yes, sir.
But I decided that you two were idiots
and that I wanted to get to
know her a little bit better,
but I didn't like what I found.
I mean, but who doesn't like music?
She doesn't like music?
Does she have herpes on her soul?
I wouldn't trust her.
Yeah, but, bro, it's not that deep.
You have plenty of other
girls to vibe with. It's fine.
Yeah, plenty of other girls
I've been hooking up with,
but nobody that I've really
had a connection with recently.
I guess if I if I got herpes
because I was with somebody
that I wanted to spend the rest
of my life with, then so be it,
but I've not been trying to find someone
that I'm trying to spend
the rest of my life with.
- You know what I mean?
- Yeah.
Just not cut out for the savage life.
No, no, no, no, no, alright?
We do not retire from the
game before the fourth quarter.
No, seriously, Doug, when
when were you happier?
When you were single, out
there playing the field,
or when you were with Jazz?
Yeah, you know what? He's right.
Intimacy isn't just about the physical.
Zoey is my boo but she's
also my best friend,
which is why it works.
Exactly.
But I blew it with Annika
because I thought it was
more important to live that
player life while I still could.
When you're young, people always say
not to take relationships too seriously.
"Just have fun."
But that doesn't work for everyone.
- Hey, Annika.
- Junior!
You can't just walk into
people's rooms like that.
- What if I'd been
- What if you'd been what?
Oh, shit!
And sometimes you can't
control what you want
or who.
Sometimes, despite our best efforts,
you realize you were looking
for something more than a casual hookup.
And that something more
could be right in front of you
if you just open your eyes.
Yo, I have some serious
dental health notes.
Ugh, smells like a rotten protein shake.
Mm.
I mean, it's just it's just
a lip pimple, though, right?
Zeke. My friend.
You officially have oral herpes.
Maybe stop taking medical
advice from your dad.
Dude is such a liar!
I always knew Grandma was white.
Yeah, that's the takeaway here.
But, guys, a herpes diagnosis
is not the end of the world.
With proper treatment,
herpes herpes herpes herpes.
Herpes herpes, herpes
herpes, herpes, herpes herpes.
You know what I mean?
I mean, I just thought she
was really light-skinned.