Tales from the Crypt (1989) s05e12 Episode Script

OOH, I JUST LOVE HOW YOUR HAIR HAS GROAN OUT! A LITTLE SCREAM RINSE AND CONDITIONER, AND IT'LL LOOK FABU! IF YOU DON'T LOOK DEAD, WE DON'T LOOK DEAD.
OH.
HELLO, KIDDIES! YOU'RE RIGHT ON TIME FOR YOUR APPOINTMENT.
YOU KNOW, IT WAS ALWAYS ONE OF MY GHOULS IN DEATH TO OPEN MY OWN SCARE SALON.
NOW, LET'S SEE A FEW SHRIEKS IN YOUR HAIR WOULD LOOK GOOD.
A BOO-FAUNT WOULD LOOK EVEN BETTER! OR MAYBE YOU'D LIKE TO TRY TONIGHT'S DIE-FASHION STATEMENT.
IT'S A NASTY NUGGET THAT ASKS THE QUESTION, ZOM-BIE, OR NOT ZOM-BIE.
I CALL IT "HALFWAY HORRIBLE.
" HALFWAY HORRIBLE YOU RECOGNIZE HIM? IT'S DAN KING.
HE WORKED IN YOUR COMPANY.
HE FOUNDED IT WITH ME.
THAT'S EXTHION-B, THE PRESERVATIVE MY COMPANY'S ABOUT TO INTRODUCE.
WHAT HAPPENED HERE? MR.
KING TOOK 4O CCs OF YOUR PRESERVATIVE EXTHION-B RIGHT INTO HIS NECK.
THEY TOLD ME THAT HIS HEAD WON'T ROT FOR 100 YEARS.
WHAT'S IN THIS SHIT? WELL, BASICALLY IT'S AN HERB FROM THE RAIN FOREST.
FOUND THIS IN HIS POCKET.
"I HAVE NOT FORGOTTEN OR FORGIVEN.
" AT FIRST WE THOUGHT IT WAS SUICIDE, BUT HIS HANDWRITING ISN'T MATCHING.
MEAN ANYTHING TO YOU? NO.
JESUS.
SOMEBODY PUT IT ON AFTER HE DIED.
YOU HAVE ANY ASPIRIN? SURE.
THANKS.
FOUND THIS IN DAN KING'S APARTMENT.
THAT'S BRAZIL.
A MILLION YEARS AGO.
THERE'S DAN, ME, KEVIN, AND ALEX.
ALEX DIED DOWN THERE.
YOU HAVE ANY ENEMIES, MR.
LASSEN? I'M THE PRESIDENT OF AN INTERNATIONAL CHEMICAL COMPANY.
WELL, IS THERE ANYBODY YOU CAN THINK OF WITH ACCESS TO THIS CHEMICAL THAT MIGHT WANT YOU OR DAN KING DEAD? NOT FOR A LONG TIME.
THIS IS CRAZY, ROGER.
WE CAME DOWN HERE TO LEARN, DANIEL.
NOT THIS.
COME ON.
THESE PEOPLE HAVE BEEN DOING THIS FOR HUNDREDS OF YEARS.
WE'RE GOING STRAIGHT TO HELL.
YEAH, MAYBE, KEVIN, BUT WHAT A RIDE IT'S GONNA BE.
THINK OF THE SECRETS, HUH? THINGS NO ONE'S EVER SEEN BEFORE.
FUCK, MAN, I DIDN'T COME HERE TO SEE THIS.
YOU'VE TAKEN US TO A PLACE WE CAN'T TURN BACK FROM, ROGER.
THIS SIDE OF YOU, IT'S EVIL.
ALL THE WAY.
WE CAME DOWN HERE TO GO ALL THE WAY.
EVERYBODY HAS AN EVIL SIDE.
THE SECRET IS JUST LEARNING HOW TO KEEP IT ON A LEASH.
STILL GOT THAT HEADACHE? MMM.
YOU KNOW, I HAD A FRIEND THAT WORKED IN A CHEMICAL PLANT IN BATON ROUGE.
HE USED TO GET HEADACHES, TOO.
HIS WHOLE HEAD ROLLED OFF LIKE A BOWLING BALL ONE DAY.
HELL OF A SIGHT.
I DON'T WORK IN THE PLANT.
I OWN IT.
SORRY.
"I HAVE NOT FORGOTTEN OR FORGIVEN.
" THIS IS NO GOOD, ROGER.
NO, SIR.
HE KNOWS WHERE I LIVE.
HE? YOU KNOW-- HE, SHE, IT.
SOMEBODY WHO KNOWS WHERE I FUCKIN' LIVE.
YOU WANT A LITTLE PIECE OF ADVICE FROM YOUR LOCAL POLICE DEPARTMENT? WHY DON'T YOU LEAVE TOWN FOR A COUPLE OF DAYS.
AND MAYBE WE CAN FIND OUT WHO THIS HE, SHE OR IT IS.
OH, NO, I CAN'T LEAVE TOWN NOW.
MY COMPANY'S DEBUTING A NEW PRODUCT IN A WEEK.
WE'RE IN THE FINAL STAGES OF FDA APPROVAL.
I'VE WAITED YEARS FOR THIS.
IT'S YOUR LIFE.
OH.
I KNOW I KEEP ASKING YOU THIS.
ARE YOU SURE THERE'S NOBODY? NOBODY AT ALL THAT YOU CAN REMEMBER THAT MIGHT WANT TO SEE YOU DEAD? NAH, NOBODY.
OK.
NOBODY ALIVE.
HERE WE GO.
OH, MY GOD.
LOOK AT THAT, LOOK AT THAT.
OOH BE CAREFUL, THAT'S A-- WHOA, LOOK AT THAT.
PUT IT AWAY, COME ON.
HANG ON A MINUTE, LOOK OUT FOR THAT.
HEY, PACK IT UP, GUYS.
WE'VE GOTTA CHECK OUT.
IS THAT IT? HEY, HEY, WHOA! WHOA! WHY, WHAT'S HAPPENING? UH, TROUBLE WITH THE LOCAL COPS, YOU KNOW.
NOT ENOUGH BRIBES OR SOMETHING, I DON'T KNOW.
THEY'RE GONNA BUST US ON VISA CHARGES.
YOU KNOW, WE TALKED ABOUT THIS.
WE KNEW IT WAS GONNA HAPPEN.
WHAT ABOUT ALEX? WELL, HE'S ALREADY IN TOWN.
HE'S GONNA TAKE ANOTHER PLANE OUT.
WE'LL SEE HIM IN L.
A.
ANOTHER PLANE? YEAH.
WHY WOULD HE DO THAT? WHY WOULD HE DO THAT, MAN? HEY! WHAT? DO YOU WANT TO SPEND THE REST OF YOUR LIFE IN A BRAZILIAN JAIL? IS THAT IT? DO WHAT I TELL YOU, PACK THIS SHIT UP AND GET THE HELL OUT OF HERE.
WE DON'T HAVE A LOT OF TIME.
HEY, WHERE ARE YOU GOING? CATCH UP TO YOU.
ROGER.
HEY, ALEX.
NO FREE LUNCH, BUDDY.
THE TRIBE DEMANDED A TRADE.
THEY WANTED A SACRIFICE IN EXCHANGE FOR THEIR SECRETS.
YOU.
YOU CAN'T DO THIS.
ALL THE WAY.
WE CAME DOWN HERE TO GO ALL THE WAY.
BUT NOT LIKE THIS.
ROGER, YOU CAN'T DO THIS-- I'M YOUR--I'M YOUR BEST FRIEND, ROGER.
ROGER! NO! ROGER! YOU CAN'T DO THIS! ROGER, I'M YOUR BEST FRIEND.
SORRY.
ROGER, YOU CAN'T DO THIS.
NO! ROGER! NO! ROGER! NO! ROGER! NO! OH, GOD! NO! MR.
LASSEN'S OFFICE.
ONE MOMENT, PLEASE.
MR.
LASSEN'S OFFICE.
ONE MOMENT, PLEASE.
I'LL SEE IF HE'S AVAILABLE.
AND YOU GOT TO PARTICIPATE IN THESE RITUALS, AND SEE HOW IT MADE US USE THE HERB? WELL, FOR SOME OF THE PLANTS, WE HAD TO, UH--HAD TO OH.
THANK YOU.
THAT'S--THAT'S FASCINATING.
AND IT'S FROM THESE HERBS THAT YOU DISCOVERED IN THE RAIN FORESTS OF BRAZIL THAT YOUR COMPANY IS DEVELOPING INTO THE PRESERVATIVE-- EXTHION-B.
YES.
WITH THE INTRODUCTION OF THIS PRODUCT, MANKIND WILL FINALLY HAVE A PRESERVATIVE THAT WILL KEEP FOOD FRESH LITERALLY FOREVER.
AND IT IS COMPLETELY SAFE.
AND WHAT DO YOU THINK THE RAMIFICATIONS FOR US WOULD BE? THEY'RE ENORMOUS.
TRY THIS ON.
FAMINE WILL BE BANISHED FROM THE EARTH FOREVER.
SEE, NOW? THAT IS REMARKABLE, AND I HAVE TO ADMIT THAT, UH, I'M A LITTLE SKEPTICAL.
BUT I UNDERSTAND YOU'VE PREPARED A DEMONSTRATION.
WELL, LET'S CALL IT BRUNCH, SHALL WE? NOW.
THESE APPLES WERE HARVESTED OVER 2 YEARS AGO AND TREATED WITH EXTHION-B.
MM-HMM.
GO AHEAD.
DELICIOUS.
LIKE JUST OFF THE TREE.
IT'S A WHOLE NEW WORLD.
WOOD THAT YOU USE IN THE CONSTRUCTION OF YOUR HOME WILL NEVER ROT.
THE CLOTHING YOU WEAR WILL NEVER FADE.
IT'S REMARKABLE.
ALREADY I'M THINKING OF THE MONEY THAT I'LL SAVE ON SUITS.
WELL, IF YOU'VE GOT A GOOD FASHION SENSE, YOU SHOULD BE ALL RIGHT.
I THINK THAT ABOUT DOES IT.
BARBARA? WE CAN-- WE CAN WRAP UP.
MR.
LASSEN, THANK YOU VERY MUCH FOR YOUR TIME.
THANK YOU, ROBERT.
EXCUSE ME IF I DON'T SEE YOU OUT.
OF COURSE.
MR.
LASSEN'S OFFICE.
YES.
ONE MOMENT, PLEASE.
ROGER? COLLIN.
LISTEN.
WE SEEM TO BE HAVING A LITTLE BIT OF TROUBLE WITH THE OLD FDA, MY GRANDE FROMAGE.
THEY'RE PUTTING A HOLD ON APPROVAL OF EXTHION-B.
WHAT? WHY? I THINK IT'S DAMNED! THE LITTLE EXIT FROM THIS MORTAL COIL SEEMS TO HAVE FREAKED THEM OUT A LITTLE BIT.
BIG TIME, ACTUALLY.
JESUS CHRIST, WHAT DO WE PAY THOSE SENATORS FOR? DON'T THEY REALIZE THE PRESSURE WE'RE UNDER? THEY WANT THIS BREAKTHROUGH GOING TO THE GERMANS OR JAPANESE? GODDAMN IT! LISTEN, I DON'T CARE IF YOU'VE GOT TO GO DOWN THERE, SIT ON THEIR FACES AND SING SWANEE RIVER.
I WANT THIS THING APPROVED, YOU UNDERSTAND ME? APPROVED.
FUCK DAN.
Collin: A DOCTOR, ROGER.
SEE A DOCTOR.
WITHERS, GET ME MORE ASPIRIN.
Withers: YES, MR.
LASSEN.
I'M FINE.
WHAT THE HELL AM I SUPPOSED TO DO? IF I DON'T GET FDA APPROVAL FOR EXTHION-B, I'M RUINED.
WELL, TRADITIONALLY, I THINK WHEN A SHIP IS TAKING ON WATER, MON CAPITAN, THE THING TO DO IS TO PLUG THE LEAKS.
YES, AND EXACTLY WHICH LEAK DID YOU HAVE IN MIND? KEVIN.
KEVIN? I HAVEN'T SPOKEN TO KEVIN SINCE SINCE BRAZIL.
I KNOW.
MAYBE YOU SHOULD.
LOOK, THERE'S A PSYCHO OUT THERE, RUNNING AROUND KNOCKING OFF PEOPLE YOU KNOW WITH YOUR CHEMICAL.
NOW, IF HE SHOULD SUDDENLY DECIDE TO LOOK UP KEVIN, YOUR LITTLE LEAK COULD TURN INTO THE TITANIC'S ICEBERG.
ROGER THERE'S A HALF OF YOU THAT IS NOT A VERY NICE GUY.
NOW, DON'T GET ME WRONG.
THAT'S ONE OF THE THINGS I LIKE ABOUT YOU.
BUT THERE'S A WHOLE WORLD OF BAD KARMA OUT THERE WITH YOUR NAME ON IT.
AND NOW, WITH A NERVOUS FDA, SUSPICIOUS INVESTORS, LOOSE ENDS LIKE OLD, GOOFED-UP KEVIN OUT THERE IN A GUTTER SOMEPLACE, THIS MIGHT BE JUST THE TIME FOR ALL THAT BAD KARMA TO COME CRASHING DOWN ON YOUR SWEATY HEAD.
WHY DON'T YOU JUST PERCH UP ON THAT MANTEL OVER THERE, AND CHANT "NEVERMORE"? IT'D SAVE TIME.
WHY DON'T I FIRE YOU? YOU'RE NOT GONNA FIRE ME, ROGER.
DON'T BE SO SURE.
NO, NO.
NO, YOU SEE, EVERYBODY NEEDS AT LEAST ONE PERSON TO DISH OUT A LITTLE TRUTH NOW AND AGAIN.
I'M THAT GUY, BOSS.
TILL DEATH DO US PART.
HEY, KEV.
IT'S ME, ROGER.
KEV-O, I NEED TO TALK TO YOU ABOUT BRAZIL, MAN.
I'M LOSING WHOLE DAYS, HERE SOMETHING'S HAPPENING.
KEV? OH, MY GOD.
KEVIN'S DEAD.
HE'S DEAD! WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT? YOU SENT ME TO HIM, AND HE'S DEAD! HEY, HEY, HEY! TWO WORDS, ROGER.
SLEEPING PILLS.
YOU SET ME UP.
ARE YOU CRAZY? YOU ALWAYS JUDGED ME FOR WHAT HAPPENED TO ALEX, BUT YOU WEREN'T DOWN THERE.
YOU DON'T KNOW HOW IT WAS! UNH! I'M SMARTER.
I'M SMARTER THAN ALL OF YOU.
YOU'VE LOST IT! GOD, YOU'VE FINALLY LOST IT, YOU FUCK! GOOD MOVE.
THE ONE PERSON IN THE WORLD THAT ACTUALLY LIKED YOU.
ALEX? YOU'RE DEAD.
NOBODY DIES IN MACUMBA VOODOO, ROGER.
YOU KNOW THAT.
THEY'RE JUST RAISED AND RAISED OVER AND OVER, FOREVER.
WHAT DO YOU WANT? COME ON, ROGER! I SPENT 6 YEARS IN A VOODOO CURSE.
I HAVEN'T EVEN CHANGED MY CLOTHES YET AND THAT'S ALL YOU HAVE TO SAY? HUH? JESUS CHRIST.
THIS ISN'T HAPPENING.
THERE'S SOMETHING WRONG WITH MY MIND.
I'LL FIX IT AND YOU'LL BE GONE.
YES, YOUR MIND.
CAUGHT YOUR KILLER YET, ROG? LEAVE ME ALONE.
IN A MINUTE.
I HAD TO DO IT, ALEX.
ALL THE WAY, REMEMBER? WE WENT DOWN THERE TO GO ALL THE WAY! SURE, ROG, SURE.
NOTICING ANYTHING UNUSUAL ABOUT THESE 2 PIECES OF PAPER, ROGER? AH! THE HANDWRITING'S THE SAME! YOU REALLY WANT TO FIND YOUR KILLER, ROGER? REALLY? THEN TAKE A GOOD LOOK IN THE MIRROR BECAUSE IT'S YOU! YOU KILLED THEM, ROGER! WHAT'S HAPPENING TO ME? YOUR GREAT CONTROLLED DARK SIDE, THE ONE YOU'RE SO PROUD OF? IT'S OUT OF ITS CAGE NOW, ROGER.
IT'S NOT EVEN TELLING YOUR OTHER HALF WHAT IT'S DOING ANYMORE.
IT'S GOING TO EAT YOU ALIVE! THIS IS IMPOSSIBLE! THE WORLD CHANGES, ROGER! YOU AND I.
WE WERE BEST FRIENDS ONCE.
AND NOW I'M A ZOMBIE.
AND YOU? LOOK AT YOU.
I SPENT 6 YEARS DOWN THERE WITHOUT A SOUL, ROGER! AND BELIEVE ME, OLD BUDDY, I'VE HAD TIME TO GET THIS CURSE RIGHT.
I'VE BEATEN YOU, ROGER.
NO.
I'VE FINALLY BEATEN YOU, ROGER! YOU FORGOT ABOUT ONE THING! ZOMBIE OR NOT, YOU'RE STILL PATHETIC, JEALOUS LITTLE ALEX! IT'S TOO LATE, ROGER.
WE CAN'T STOP IT, IT'S TOO LATE.
I'VE ALWAYS BEEN TOUGHER THAN YOU, ALEX.
I'LL BEAT THIS, TOO.
FUCKIN' ZOMBIES.
COME IN.
MR.
LASSEN? DR.
BENNELOY.
WHAT CAN I DO FOR YOU, MR.
LASSEN? I HAVE A PROBLEM, DOCTOR.
OBVIOUSLY.
THAT'S IT.
THAT'S THE SON OF A BITCH THAT STARTED ALL THIS.
WHAT IS IT? WHAT DOES IT MEAN? IT'S VOODOO, MR.
LASSEN.
THANKS, DOC.
GONNA BE A LITTLE BIT MORE VAGUE? IT'S CALLED ESHUU, THE HARNESSING OF THE TWO-FACED GOD THAT CONTROLS THE CO-EXISTENCE OF GOOD AND EVIL.
WHEN THIS VOODOO IS RELEASED, IT DESTROYS THAT BALANCE.
THERE ARE THE USUAL SYMPTOMS-- PERSPIRATION, HEART PALPITATIONS, HOMICIDAL BLACKOUTS, SUICIDE.
FIX IT.
MR.
LASSEN, THE TREATMENT CAN BE PROBLEMATIC.
NO, MAN! YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND! YOU GOTTA FIX IT! OR WHAT? YOU GOTTA HELP ME.
IT'S ALEX THAT DID THIS.
GOD DAMN.
I CAN'T STOP WHAT'S GOING ON INSIDE ME.
I'LL PAY, MAN.
I WILL PAY.
YES, OF COURSE, YOU WILL.
THE ONLY TREATMENT FOR SURE IS CALLED KURLATI.
IT KILLS THE CURSE BY DESTROYING THE EVIL HALF OF THE PERSON ATTACHED.
OK.
BUT IN A CASE AS CLEARLY ADVANCED AS YOURS, THERE IS ONE SMALL SNAGGET.
WHAT? IT WILL PROBABLY KILL YOU.
I DON'T CARE.
DO IT.
MIRACLES, MR.
LASSEN, CAN BE A MESSY, COMPLICATED AFFAIR.
OH, GOD DAMN IT, I'M RICH! LOOK AT THIS SHIT! I'M RICH, I WILL MAKE YOU RICH, DO YOU UNDERSTAND? I'LL GIVE YOU EVERYTHING.
EVERYTHING FROM THE PROFITS OF EXTHION-B.
JUST HELP ME.
ARE YOU PREPARED, MR.
LASSEN? READY.
SUBMIT NOW, MR.
LASSEN.
SUBMIT NO-O-O-O-O-W! MR.
LASSEN'S OFFICE.
WITHERS.
MR.
LASSEN? I WANT YOU TO DO SOMETHING FOR ME.
MR.
LASSEN, THERE'S POLICE HERE.
THEY WANT TO TALK TO YOU ABOUT SOME BODIES THE JANITOR FOUND IN THE OFFICE.
GET A CONTAINER OF EXTHION-B.
NO.
200 CCs.
BUT THAT'S ALL OF OUR EXPERIMENTAL STOCK.
PLEASE DO WHAT I TELL YOU.
PREPARE IT FOR SYRINGE AND BRING IT TO ME AT MY HOME.
MR.
LASSEN? COME IN.
WHERE'S THE LIGHT? DON'T! DID YOU BRING THE SYRINGE AND THE EXTHION-B? YES.
WHAT IS IT THAT YOU WANT ME TO DO, MR.
LASSEN? BRING IT TO ME! I BEAT HIM WITHERS, I BEAT THAT SON OF A BITCH.
WHAT? ALEX THOUGHT HE HAD ME, BUT HE WAS WRONG.
SEE, THERE IS A WAY TO BEAT THE CURSE.
DESTROY YOUR EVIL HALF-- THE HALF THAT THE CURSE FEEDS ON.
BENNELOY DID IT.
BEFORE IT COULD COMPLETELY DESTROY ME, HE KILLED MY EVIL HALF.
OH, GOD! NOW IT MUST BE PRESERVED.
WELL AT LEAST IN THE END, ROGER KNEW ROT FROM WRONG.
IF ONLY HE LEARNED A LITTLE FESTER.
YOU'LL BE HAPPY TO KNOW, KIDDIES, THAT OUR STORY HAS A HAPPY ENDING.
ROGER'S COMPANY DID VERY WELL.
ITS SHARES SHOT UP ON THE NEW YORK SHOCK EXCHANGE! SO, HAVE WE MADE UP OUR MINDS? YOU WANT BANGS? PERFECT.
I HAVE JUST THE THING.
BANG!