The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air s05e12 Episode Script

I'm in middle of a holiday shopping season.
Are you mad? I simply said I was considering it.
He's here plenty.
You can't do this.
Money, we need money.
You know we can afford this.
You're the one who helped me invest.
My money makes money.
We're rich.
- That's right, we are rich.
- Never thought about it like that.
CARLTON: Cool.
If we're so rich why we can't afford no ceiling? - Hi, Mr.
Banks.
PHIL: Hi, kids.
Stop worrying, go to work, I'll handle your father.
You don't know my father.
He's very overprotective.
Last time one of my boyfriends spent an evening with him it ended our relationship.
So, what? You never saw the guy again? No, no one did.
He left town.
At least that's what my dad told the police.
I think you're exaggerating a little bit.
Okay, maybe a little.
But, just in case it's been really nice knowing you.
Go on, girl, get out of here.
Hiyah! - Bye, Mr.
Banks.
- Goodbye, sweetheart.
So you're meeting Lisa's father tonight.
I remember the first time I met Vivian's father.
He was an obstinate, dictatorial old tightwad.
We didn't get along at all.
Really? Even with all that in common? I'm serious, Will.
Wasn't till the day he died that he did something to improve the situation.
- Really? What did he do? - He died.
But the point is, first impressions can last forever.
You be careful tonight.
Don't worry about me, I'll be myself.
Let the charm take care of it for me.
I don't think that's such a good idea.
Your charm is kind of an acquired taste.
Like liver.
- You hate liver.
- Exactly.
So, what? What, are you saying I shouldn't be myself? Let me just leave you alone with your thoughts.
ASHLEY: So that's still a possibility? - A very strong one, honey.
We have to do something about Dad.
I've tried, but he likes that shirt.
I mean we have to discourage this whole early retirement thing.
You were all for it.
I was, but I've been thinking, if Dad has more time I'm the one he'll be spending it with.
His favorite what? His favorite child, his little girl.
I thought it was obvious.
Well, think again, little sister.
You are not Dad's favorite.
That's right, Ashley, I am.
You? Hey, it's a known fact that the oldest is always the favorite.
- Mom and Dad got it right the first time.
- Then why did they keep trying? Well, you're both wrong.
It's me.
I make him money.
And Daddy's little girl doesn't mean beans next to a chip off the old block which is me.
- And Nicky.
Nicky's only been around a few years, Daddy hardly knows him.
It's me.
A simple way to find out.
Dad's will.
Whoever gets the most wins.
That's ridiculous.
More money doesn't mean more love.
We're all his children, right? Don't know, I'm starting to think you were adopted.
Let's find that will.
Hey, listen, Mr.
Wilkes, I want you to order anything that you want.
Price is no object.
Yeah, yeah, I heard you the first six times.
Oh.
You know, they're known for their lemon soup.
Sir, that's a finger bowl.
Oh, my fault, my fault.
Excellent.
I don't know about this place.
See, I'm more of a pizza guy.
Oh, well, they got pizza.
What do you want on it? What, a tandoori duck? Grilled pheasant? For 24 bucks, I want a 20-dollar bill on it.
[LAUGHING.]
He said That is so It was fu So Lisa says you're an automotive technician.
No, I'm not.
I fix cars.
I manage a garage.
A garage.
Wow, that is so interesting.
No, it's not.
It's a job.
Hey, but I like working with my hands.
It gives me the feeling I'm earning my money instead of having it just handed to me.
[CHUCKLES.]
I know the feeling.
[FEIGNS LAUGH.]
No, you don't.
Look, Will, Lisa may like you but personally, I think you're a bourgie little toad.
Thank you for a wonderful evening.
I'll catch a bus back to Lisa's.
Don't leave.
This is This is not the real me.
This is Carlton.
Why you putting on airs, boy? Look, please? I like your daughter more than any other girl that I've ever been with.
And believe me, I've been with Out of girlfriend for a long time.
Listen, I just wanted to make a good impression on you.
Well, look, as long as we're being honest with each other I wasn't going to like you no matter how you acted.
Oh, why not? Ever since the good Lord took my Yvonne my life's been pretty empty, Will, except for Lisa.
I'm a little overprotective.
Really? The real Will Smith ain't bourgie.
I'm telling you, he's a low-class working stiff like yourself.
Even lower.
[BOTH LAUGHING.]
Hoo! Hey, I tell you what, Will.
Why don't we get out of this joint and introduce me to the real Will Smith? Sounds good to me.
Say, baby, you seen the real Will Smith? HILARY: Where did you learn to do this? The Young Republicans sponsored a seminar.
Open sesame.
It's full of gold bars.
Those are Twinkies.
- Hello, legal docs.
- Oh, yes.
I see someone's coming into money.
We weren't taking any money.
I meant me.
All right, Geoffrey, what will it cost to keep you quiet? Considering the magnitude of this betrayal of your father's trust I'd say a thousand dollars.
Well, that's cool, we can handle that.
No problem.
A week.
If you'll excuse me, I have to wash some dirty laundry.
He has no scruples.
Shut up and close the safe.
WILL: Oh, baby.
- Hey, baby.
- Hey.
- How was the game? - Oh, girl, it was the bomb.
Check out this here fly jacket your daddy got me.
LISA: How come? My little way of saying thanks for such a wonderful visit.
I got one for you too, baby.
Oh, just what I wanted.
Hey, I better go check on my flight time.
WILL: Ah! No.
Not that I mind, but what was that for? Hm.
Because you've been so nice to my dad.
You spent more time with him than I have.
Oh, well, trust me, I am exhausted.
Hey, let me tell you.
Your father followed me on my jog today, then he showed up in my lit class.
Last thing I ever waan to do again is see a naked middle-aged man in the shower.
I'll tell you that now.
Let me tell you.
Your dad is a great guy, but I'm kind of happy he's leaving.
Tell me about it.
I love when he comes to visit but we haven't spent any time alone in a whole week.
Well, I think I can remedy that situation.
There's a 747 with his name written all over it.
Soon as we get him to the airport we can get back to my crib for a little one-on-one.
You know what I mean? You know what I'm saying? Well, my flight's on time.
- It was nice to meet you.
- You too.
- Take care of my little girl.
- You got that.
- It was so good to see you again.
- Yeah.
Yeah, you know what? Too bad you got to leave.
- You mean that? - We had a ball.
It's a shame you can't stay longer.
If that's the way you feel, O.
K.
Okay what? I'll stay.
Stay where? I'll stay with you for another week, maybe two.
Man, the way things are going, I might stay forever.
[LAUGHING.]
You cannot be serious about moving out here.
I'm saying, won't you miss Cleveland? You've never been there, have you? Besides, this city makes me feel alive.
And my little girl is here, and you, Will.
Man, you're like the son I never had.
Uh, Daddy, remember Craig? Craig's too busy with his marriage and two kids.
He has no time for his old man.
What do you say we celebrate with a nice dinner tonight, huh? My treat.
Well, I kind of have plans for tonight.
Oh, what about you, Will? - Oh, I'd love to, you know - Then great, pick me up at 7.
I'm going to take a nice nap, so I'll be rested up for my big night with Will.
WILL: Hey.
I'll see you later.
WILL: Whoo.
Your brother's not busy, he's hiding.
Will, this is your fault.
You are just too damn lovable.
Oh, well, there's a character flaw.
You have to do something, otherwise we'll end up spending the rest of our lives playing one-on-one-on-one.
Maybe Daddy's password is some kind of food.
Look, I tried every dish in Geoffrey's cookbook, nothing works.
Unbelievable.
What kind of idiot picks a password no one can guess? See, it's that kind of question that knocks you out of the running for Dad's favorite.
Just keep a lookout.
I told you this whole idea was stupid.
Can you put disk back in the safe before Dad catches us? Too late.
Do you even know what the word "lookout" means? Daddy, I am so sorry.
Let's settle this right now.
Look, big guy Sir we just wanted to see what was in your will.
I knew it.
Never should've let you play with those Menendez boys.
Daddy, we just wanted to know who your favorite child was.
I can't believe you would even ask.
See, it is me.
Right now, it's hard to love any one of you, but I do.
Ashley, I love your sensitivity, your warmth.
Carlton, I love your ambition and your persistence.
Hilary.
- Hilary.
- Yes, Daddy? - Nice earrings.
- Oh, Daddy.
I love Nicky's innocence and his enthusiasm.
I love you all differently, but equally.
Do you understand? Daddy, that was beautiful.
- I love you.
- I love you.
Okay, they're gone now.
[69 BOYZ'S "TOOTSEE ROLL" PLAYING ON SPEAKERS.]
69 BOYZ [RAPPING.]
: Tootsee Roll, Tootsee Roll WILL: Whoo! Whoo, whoo, whoo! Hey, what's up, brother? How are you doing, man? Good to see you, boy.
FRED: Will.
WILL: Hey, hey, hey.
- Will, I'm a little uncomfortable in here.
What would my pastor say if he saw me in this place? Probably say, "Hey, Fred, you got change for a 20?" [WILL LAUGHS.]
WOMAN: Welcome to Caufield's, gentlemen, follow me.
I got a little somethin'- somethin' for you, girl.
Ooh! Whoo.
Pick your tongue up, Fred, the floor's dirty.
Ha, ha.
Ooh-ooh! Ooh-ooh! Will, how often do you come here? Oh, hardly ever.
Two, three times a day.
I don't know what to say.
No, don't say nothing, lay back, cool out, get your groove on.
You know what I'm saying? Ooh-ooh! Whoo! [UP-TEMPO MUSIC PLAYING ON SPEAKERS.]
Hey, shake it, but don't break it.
Ooh-ooh! Ooh-ooh! Excuse me, Reverend Fred, it's nice to see you coming out of your shell.
Will, I was wrong, man, this is just good clean fun.
These girls are trying to earn a dollar like me except I work with my hands and they work with everything else.
Well, come up on the stage, man.
Ooh-ooh! [JANET JACKSON'S "NASTY" PLAYING ON SPEAKERS.]
JANET [SINGING.]
: Nasty, nasty boys Don't ever change Oh, Lisa, Lisa, baby.
Girl, it is so good to finally see you without Will! Hey, Willie.
[FRED CHUCKLING.]
Tonight's the big game, man.
Browns versus Philly.
Heh, heh.
Daddy, tonight Will is taking me out.
Oh, okay.
Hold up a second there, Fred.
Lisa, I'm breaking our date tonight.
Excuse me? Did it ever occur to you I might wanna see this game more than I wanna see you? I was looking forward to our date tonight.
Look, look, here, woman, okay? I'm the man, and as the man, I said I'm gonna see the game.
How dare you disrespect me in front of my father.
Wait a minute, now, this is between you kids.
That's right, Lisa.
Whether you like it or not, I'm going.
You know what? Blow our date off tonight you can forget about us.
- Ooh, ooh.
- Well, maybe I just will forget then.
FRED: Hey.
Now, wait a minute.
I can't believe what I'm hearing.
- Maybe you should do something.
- You're damn right I should.
Shame on you.
Don't you see how important this game is? How can you be so unreasonable? I raised you better.
- You really disappoint me, young lady.
You really disappoint me.
See you later, buddy.
You know what? That's it, I can't take this no longer.
- I got to do it tonight.
- Do what? Break up with your father.
- Good, game hasn't started.
- All right.
Hey, grab us some grub.
- See you in a sec.
- Okay.
WILL: All right.
- Hey.
- Hey, Will.
Man, I was starting to get worried.
- What's wrong? - Oh, nothing, nothing, everything's fine.
No, it's not.
I can see it in your eyes.
There's something you're not telling me.
You're right, Fred.
I can't go on pretending anymore.
This just isn't working out.
What do you mean? You, me, us, this whole thing.
It was great in the beginning but I just think we need to stop seeing so much of each other.
Will, is it something I did? - Will, I can change.
- No, no.
No, it's not you, Fred.
It's me.
It's me.
I haven't been straight up with you.
There's someone else.
Oh, who is he? He's right over there.
He taught me everything I know about sports.
- He's generous.
He's caring.
- Yeah, yeah, I'm sure he's a great guy.
I guess I should be grateful for you at least being honest with me.
- Maybe I should give you this back.
- No, no, I want you to keep it.
To remember the game.
I will, Fred.
Well, it's been fun.
Oh, yeah, yeah, it's definitely been fun.
Hey, you be well.
You too, Will.
Can I call you? I don't think that would be such a good idea.
Well, at least, not right at first.
You're a very lucky man.
[BOTH SIGH.]
I talked to my dad today.
No, he's staying in Cleveland, don't worry.
He's been spending a lot of time with my brother.
Didn't take him long to forget about me, huh? He did not forget about you.
As a matter of fact, he wanted me to give you a message.
I'm not sure I understand it.
What? Same game, next season.
Oh, yeah, tell him it's on.
Oh, look.
There's a shooting star.
Make a wish.
Don't need to.
You already came true.