The Wonder Years s05e12 Episode Script

When I was a kid, anytime I needed a lift There was my grandfather.
The guy was always good for a ride.
Sure, he was as old as the hillsbut to me Gramps was Hercules in bi-focals.
Superman in suspenders.
He was agelesstimeless One man in a million.
You could always count on him.
Where is he? He's late - again.
Not that everyone shared my view.
Probably just Friday traffic on the turnpike.
He said five o'clock.
I come home early you're making his lamchops - for him The lambchops will keep, Jack! I know lambchops, Norma.
They dry out! And then he'll show up, and he'll start complainingabout dry lambchops.
It was kind of a ritual around our house.
When Gramps visited, Mom cooked, Dad groused And I Dad? Can I have the keys to the car, tonight? I borrowed the keys to the car.
I gotta go out - I'm pickin' up the guys.
What guys? Dad?! Oh, honeyAren't you gonna wait till your grandfather gets here? Mom, he'll see me when I come back.
OK? Not that I wasn't anxious to swap boring stories with the old guy It's just So, Dad - can I have 'em? When you're sixteen, there are priorities.
Well Waita minute.
Where'd you say you were goin'? Come on, Dad! Do I really have to answer that? It didn't seem fair.
The Spanish Inquisition for two lousy hours in a four-door sedan.
OK.
But be careful.
I will, Dad.
After all, I was a responsible driver Good on turns Fair on parking.
Kevin - wait.
Bad on exits.
It's your father.
Where is he? The police station.
What the hell is he doin' at the police station? He's had an accident.
-OK, let's get out of here! -Dad! What happened? Absolutely nothing, John - now let's go find my car! One thing was clear, anyway.
Gramps's accident had been something less than fatal.
What, ya hit somebody? It was nothin' like that.
It was a little fender-bendercouldn't be avoided! Wait a minute - wait a minute! Let me get this straight.
Just a minute.
The car was parked on the side of the road I just nicked it as I went by.
That's all.
- You hit a parked car?! - John - don't start with me on this! Dad, you - the important thing isnobody got hurt! Isn't that right, Kevin?! Good! Now let's go find my car! -Oh, Albert! Are you alright? -Yes, I am, Norma.
And thank youVery much For asking.
Now, if we could all stop standing around, gawking We might go home and have some dinner! Just a minute, Mr.
Arnold.
What do you think you're doin'? This your designated driver? What?! The man's had three accidents in six months.
Hmmm.
Seems there were one or two things Gramps had failed to mention to us.
Albert? Now listen, sonny don't you have somethin' better to do than goin' around harassing tax-payers? You were driving on probation, sir.
Probationary accidents result in the immediate suspension of driving privileges.
I believe you were informed of that.
Welljust let me inform you of something.
I have an Oldsmobile to drive here! I'll drive, Gramps! After allNo sense letting a golden opportunity go to waste, here.
No you won'tI'll drive.
You most certainly will not! Well, fineI'll drive your car, then.
You ride with your mother - we've had enough accidents for one day.
-But, Dad! I.
.
-Kevin! - John! - Folks Don't forget to buckle up.
And there it was.
The final word.
You can't do this, ya know! He can't do this, ya know.
Hell hath no furyLike a grandfather scorned.
Dad? He can do it He did it.
It's done.
Do we understand each other? It was a bitter pill.
But there was nothing more Gramps could say.
Except, of course Aren't lambchops supposed to be juicy?! Still, ya had to hand it to the guy - he had spunk.
He had nerve.
He had the bunk next to mine.
Know when I learned to drive a car, Kevin? When, Gramps? Nineteen-twenty-one.
The man that sold it to me taught me how to drive.
And Idrove it off the lot.
That was my license - know-how.
No State No son, to tell me what to do.
Ya know what I mean? Look, Gramps It seemed pretty clear we were gonna be up all night Unless somebody put out this fire.
The law's the law.
So, justpromise you won't drive.
OK? You'll make Dad happy you'll make Mom happy.
It'll make me happy.
So, what do you say? And where all the king's horses And all the king's men had failed before Fine.
Let's just get some shut-eye.
There.
Easy.
And in that spirit of peace and tranquility We all slept a little easier.
He's gone.
Again.
I haven't seen anyone so stubborn in all my life.
- Now, calm down, honey.
- He behaves like a teenager.
Where the hell did he go?! - Morning, people! - Albert? Dad, where have you been?! Ah, just out for a ride.
Dad - what he hell were you doing in the car?! I was getting fresh-squeezed juiceand some eggs.
I came down early this morning to make my famous waffles Couldn't find and egg in the house! Dammit, Dad.
You're weren't supposed to drive - you don't have a license, and your eye-sight's shot! What are you talkin' about? I see like an owl.
Here! Lemme show ya.
Hold that.
Hold it right there.
Now.
"Lulla May's great buttermilk-flavor pancakes and waffle mix" "Since 1917.
" AndOn the bottom "seven cent couponinside.
" It was amazing.
A virtuoso display of visual pyrotechnics.
Now read a box You haven't been buying for twenty-five years, Dad.
A box is a box, John.
Aw, this is ridiculous AlbertIt's just that we're worried about you.
Worried? Well lemme tell you something right now.
You won't have to worry about me! Come on, Gramps - be reasonable You too, huh? Anybody else? I felt sorry for the guy.
I wanted to say something, but I see.
Well, I can tell I'm on my own, here! Maybe I'll come back, when somebody appreciates me And my waffles! Just a minute, Dad - where are you going? Home! Now we all knew Gramps was bluffing.
Problem was, he was also packing.
You're not drivin' home, Dad.
JohnI am driving home.
You're not driving home! And there it was again.
The final word.
Fine.
Let the boy drive me.
Aw, Gramps, I-I don't wanna Not youhim! Me? Kevin?! He's got his license, doesn't he? That's what you need in this State to drive isn't it - a license? How about it, son? You want to drive your dottering old grampa home? And suddenlyI was trapped between a GrampsAnd a hard place.
Sure! I guess I could.
Good.
Let's get moving.
And from that point on There was nothing left to say but - Drive carefully, honey.
- OK, Mom.
I will.
And so it began.
Go easy on the gas.
She's got a hell of a punch.
The great overland automobile trip to Grandfather's house of 1972.
Sure - it was further than I'd ever driven And I'd have to take the bus back, but that morning, behind the wheel, I could feel the call of adventureexcitementthe unexpected.
Pull over.
Beg your pardon? Stop her right here.
For about a block-and-a-half.
Gramps - what's goin' on? - Get out.
- What? I'm drivin'.
But, Grampsyou know what Dad said.
You - Come onlet's go! You're riding shot-gun! But.
.
And that's when the true meaning of what was transpiring hit me.
Move it! suddenly, I saw clearly.
I'd been duped by the master.
Hoodwinked.
Blind-sided.
Here we go! I should have known all along that my grandfather was Gangway! Always in the driver's seat.
Beautiful country, huh? Beautiful stretch of highway Yep! Beautiful! It's a terrible thingWhen your own flesh-and-blood plays you for a sucker.
What's the matter? Cat got your tongue? Not that I was bitter about it, or anything.
You know - I was supposed to drive! And you promised me last night that you wouldn't - Hey! I didn't know you had so much spunk! Yee-ah.
AnywayI really appreciate your company, Kevin Maybe so.
But the guy sure had a funny way of showing it.
Gramps! Whoa! Hang on, now! Hah-hah! What are you doing? Pit-stop.
Pit-stop? Two pieces of cherry pie - hold the pits.
Anything else? No.
Pie'll be just fine.
Turns out our pit-stop was about five miles off the highway.
What do you think of this place? What are we doing here? You're gonna sample the best cherry pieYou ever tasted.
Margaret and I used to stop here on our way to see you guys.
Before theyput the parkway in.
The thing is, it didn't make sense.
Here we were Reliving old memories And I didn't know why.
Millie around today? Who? Millie.
She runs the place.
Unh, never heard of her.
"Never heard of her"?! I just saw her! I was just in here! I was in here, about, uh Two years ago You don't remember? Millie? Gramps - he's never heard of her, OK? Welljust, uh, say hello to her, if you see her, anyway Sure.
Anything you say.
But one thing was clear Memory lane had changed more than a little, since Gramps last strolled down it.
You feel OK, Gramps.
Oh, yeahfine.
Why? Nothing.
Still, since he'd asked.
You want me to drive? Why? Wellit's just that I figured that way maybe we, uh We could make better time.
Are you in a hurry? Yeah! Kinda.
Not to be rude, or anything.
Still, keep in mind I had a bus to catch.
Well, OK If you're in a hurry, we betterstep on it! So we stepped on it alright.
Trouble wasIt was Gramps who did all the stepping.
That afternoonWe stopped at every monument and landmark Every fruit-stand and roadside museum known to mankind.
Hah-hah! Good to seeya! Not to mention a few that weren't.
The worst part wasI just couldn't figure out why Gramps was doing this at all.
Amazing, isn't it? It's OK, I guess All I knew wasThe longer it took The more impatient I got.
By four o'clock, we'd made more pit-stops Than most race cars make in a lifetime.
Did I ever tell you about the time Me and Nate Molnar took seven weeks to drive my old jalopy across the country.
Gramps! We broke three wheels the first week! Then Then, we broke and axle in the smallest town I've ever seen.
It was about 100 miles outside of, uhSouix Falls.
It was crazy.
The guy kept rambling on and on about every detail of his life - and I was held there - captive.
Wait a minute - wait a minute.
Did I say Souix Falls? No No, no - it was Rapid City.
Wait a minute - wait a minute.
It wasn't Rapid City, it was a little town, aboutright west of there, uh I just didn't care anymore.
About Souix Falls About his wandering, windbag stories.
Well, anyway, we, we, webroke an axle there And we thought we were gonna have to stay thereSeven days! Gramps Watch out! You alright? I think so.
But I wasn't.
I'd had it.
I was fed up.
Jeez, Gramps! (Frowns.
) Didn't you see where you were going?! Well, I You could have gotten us killed! You're lookin' out the window, tellin' storiesNot watchin' the road! That's how it happened yesterday, wasn't it? You weren't paying attention, were you, Gramps? I was paying attention! Then how'd you hit a parked car? It was the sun! What? The sun.
It was real lowit wasglinting in the rear-view mirror and catching a whole row ofhubcaps, along the side of the street.
You know what it's like, when you suddenly can't see anything Because of the glints, and thetraffic.
And I guess that's when it hit me.
For the first time, this man, who'd always been Hercules to me, didn't seem quite the same.
For the first time, my grandfather seemed Old.
Gramps - let's just go home.
We didn't talk much the rest of the way.
Something had come between us.
A gulf of silence.
A gulf of time.
Home.
We sat there A sixteen year-oldWho was always in a hurry A man whose eyes had grown old before his time.
Kevin Make me an offer.
What? For the car.
What are you talking about? She's got a lot of miles, andit's got a dented bumper.
How's, uh How's one dollar? A dollar? Is it a deal? Or you want to haggle with me? I didn't know what to say.
No! One dollar sounds good.
It was the hardest thing I'd ever seen Gramps do.
How are you gonna get around? Oh, well, uh The town's close.
I got, uh, cabsI got busses.
I got feet! And I got a fine grandson who'll drive me around when I come to visit.
And maybe that's when I began to understand.
About a lot of things.
Well, come on - pay up! Your credit's no good with me! Good.
Tell nobody what you paid.
I don't want anybody to think I'm an easy mark.
No, no, no, no - you don't You dont have to come in.
I got the guys comin' over to play poker.
Course, we both knew he was lying.
We both knew why.
We both knew he was letting go Of more than just a car.
Remember Cold mornings Pump the gas three times before you turn the key on.
Three times Yeah.
I don't want you calling meto ask me how to turn her over.
I promise.
Now, get outta here.
Drive safe.
I will.
Some gifts are simple.
Some come at a price.
Some you buy for a buck.
And last you a lifetime.
I guess everybody remembersTheir first car.
I know I remember mine.
Not because it was my first car but because it was my grandfather'slast.