Younger (2015) s05e12 Episode Script
Lizability
1 You are the reason Enzo is single.
Enzo, we were foolish to think this would work out.
Weâre from two different worlds.
Which is why Iâm moving to yours.
Iâm trying to be more real.
Real? Come on Liza.
You donât even know what real is anymore.
Anything that you think that you have with Charles right now, thatâs not real.
Clare just called.
Sheâs not coming tonight? Sheâs not coming at all.
You are gonna meet that perfect person.
What if it's Liza? I need to press pause.
Youâre amazing but Iâve made this mistake before.
Kelsey she is not a bad editor.
I feel like the book belongs at Empirical.
I got a job offer.
Cheryl Sussman at Plaza Publishing, and Iâm gonna take it.
Itâs time for me to go.
[UPBEAT MUSIC.]
Weâre part of a very large multimedia company here, Liza, which means we have deep pockets.
Weâre not some floundering family publishing house like Empirical.
- I can see that.
- But we are looking to grow our young female audience, which is something that you have impressively managed to tap.
Well, I didnât do it alone.
Now is not the time to hide your light under a bushel, Liza.
Iâm trying to offer you a job, - here.
- And I appreciate it.
I saw what you did at Millennial with that young blonde nothing.
Thatâs why when I brought your name up to run our new imprint, everyone was very excited by the idea.
Wait, you want me to run my own imprint? Itâs called - Chick(Y).
- Wow.
Itâs targeted towards women, but weâre not excluding the Y chromosome.
Marketing spent a lot of time on this.
- Clever.
- Mm.
So This would be my office? Liza, youâve earned this.
Look, I admit it, at first I thought what you did was crazy, but youâve started at the bottom and fought your way back.
And weâre not ageist here.
If we were, Iâd be out of a job.
[LAUGHS.]
So just sign right here, and weâre in business.
And the starting salaryâs noted there on the top.
- Cheryl! Oh, my God.
- I know.
Itâs quite a step up from what youâve been making as Diana Troutâs assistant.
Wow, um that is incredibly generous, and this is all itâs all a bit overwhelming.
Do you think that I could have my lawyer just take a quick look at that? Of course.
Just, you know, sign them and bring them back to me tomorrow.
This chick(Y) is ready to hatch.
[UPBEAT HIP HOP MUSIC.]
Charles just mentioned a Capitol Letters party that Joe Biden is throwing in DC tomorrow.
Kelsey, how could you not inform me of this? Actually, itâs the first Iâm hearing about it myself.
Why so out of the loop? I thought you, uh talk to your authors, Kelsey? We need someone there.
Did something happen between you and your writer? I thought you two had quite the tight relationship? Iâm happy to go to DC.
Itâs my book.
Iâll be there.
Iâm sure itâs a private party that he felt didnât need mentioning.
Still, itâs all very strange, Peters.
Well, private or not, Iâm getting a press release out about this immediately.
[ROCK MUSIC.]
Sorry about the confusion with Devereux.
I will go down to DC for the Biden party but I just wanted to give you the heads up that Iâll need to expense it.
Not so fast.
Jake specifically requested that you not be there.
- When did he say that? - This morning.
So obviously something went on between the two of you that had nothing to do with the book.
Okay.
Yes, we had a moment.
But I told him that my priority was the work and that anything between us would have to wait until after we publish.
Well, after that moment, he met with me and asked if I could make it an Empirical title.
He wanted Zane to finish the edit.
He was pretty insistent.
And you said no? No, actually Zane said no.
He said, you did the work and he didnât want to poach your book.
Your, uh moment notwithstanding.
Thank you.
Hi.
- Hi.
- Thank you - so much for meeting me.
- Of course, my pleasure.
How is the book coming along? Oh, itâs challenging.
Iâm beginning to understand why so many writers become alcoholics.
Anyway, Kelsey and Liza are keeping me sane.
Well, I hear that the first few chapters are - Very promising.
- Oh, I donât know.
I prefer to under-promise and over-deliver.
Anyway, I didnât come here to talk about the book.
- Okay.
- Since we spoke in Sun Valley, I have been quietly putting together a group of investors because publishing needs angels.
And I like books.
[LAUGHS.]
Nothing has convinced me more of the need to save a company like yours than working on one myself.
- I am thrilled to hear that.
- [LAUGHS.]
What Bezos did for "The Washington Post" I wanna do for you.
And Iâve actually had my biggest success investing in businesses that the experts have left for dead.
- Not dead yet.
- [LAUGHS.]
At this point in my life I just wanna put my money where my passion is.
Well, obviously, I would love to hear more.
Of course.
I ask that you listen with an open mind.
I have a very specific strategy on how Iâd like to focus my groupâs investment.
Of course.
[UPBEAT MUSIC.]
I just had a very interesting lunch with Quinn Tyler.
Sheâs uh very impressed with Millennial.
The two of you in particular.
Sheâs pretty impressive herself.
Yeah.
Get ready for what Iâm about to tell you.
She wants to make a significant capital infusion in the company predicated on making Millennial the prime driver of the companyâs business.
- Oh, my God.
- Okay - what does that mean? - Uh, it means that, uh Millennial and not Empirical would become our flagship brand.
- Iâm stunned.
- What did you tell her? Obviously I need to think about it.
Okay, um You cannot leave now.
She is investing in us.
No, this is all the more reason why I should leave.
Iâm a ticking time bomb.
You both know the truth that Iâve been perpetrating a fraud here.
Youâre both part of it.
Youâre as liable as I am.
If Iâm not here, Quinnâs investment is clean.
I donât know if I could do this without you.
Kelsey, you can.
Kelsey, can I have a word with Liza? Iâll be in my office trying not to pass out.
You know Iâm right.
I donât want to leave but if I take this job, Iâll have a career and weâll have us.
And if I stay and you take Quinnâs investment based on me misrepresenting myself itâs not gonna end well.
I just know it.
And you think that Kelsey can run Millennial without you? I do.
Sheâs amazing.
And no matter what you call it, Empirical, Millennial at the end of the day, itâs still your company.
[CHUCKLES.]
All right.
- Iâll tell Quinn.
- Iâm still her editor.
Iâll tell her myself.
So thereâs no way of getting past this thing with Malkie? Well, she really wants a baby and Iâm really high on a weeknight and happy that way.
- [GLASSES CLINK.]
- [LAUGHS.]
That sucks, though.
Iâm sorry, Mags.
No, no, no, Iâm sorry.
Iâm sorry that she made you feel uncomfortable by asking you for your seed over dessert.
Ugh.
No, honestly I mean it was kind of flattering.
Yo, how awesome would it be to a have a little kid running around here, though? - So you would do it? - Well, I donât know I mean, for you yeah, I would have.
What about for Malkie? What do you mean? Well, she asked me if you would consider it.
You know, for real.
- Okay.
- You donât have to answer now, but [JAZZ MUSIC.]
I love everyone at Empirical, but this opportunity it was too good to pass up.
Theyâre giving me - my own imprint.
- Right.
Chick(Y).
I know it sounds silly but the name grows on you.
Yeah, it sounds like beach reads with hot pink covers which is fine, itâs just not you.
You have a more sophisticated taste.
- How much are they offering? - Itâs not about money.
Okay, so what is it about, because Iâm having a hard time understanding why a young woman with no prior experience would leave a thriving imprint that she helped build from scratch just as itâs about to blow up and so far you havenât given me a compelling reason.
Because Iâm not a young woman.
I lied about my age to get my job at Empirical.
Iâm in my 40s.
Oh my God.
Why? - How? - I needed a job.
And this was the only way that I could get one.
But if I stay at the company, it endangers your investment.
Itâs fraud and now you know.
The optics arenât good.
Neither are the optics of firing someone who was fighting against ageism.
And thatâs if it even comes out.
Itâs gonna come out.
What does Chick(Y) plan to do about it? Theyâre gonna bury it.
Iâm gonna do you one better.
Iâm gonna celebrate it.
- What? - Oh, God, did you not read my book, Liza? You embody every single CLAW principle.
Youâre gonna be talking about this on "The View" and "Ellen.
" This is gonna be huge for you - and for Millennial.
- And for your book? What? I didnât even think about that.
CLAW chapter four.
"Have a great idea, let them think that it was theirs.
" Ah, see? Then you already know Iâm not gonna let you go.
[ROCK MUSIC.]
[UPBEAT MUSIC.]
Thank you for coming.
I know this is slumming for you.
Oh, on the contrary.
So I got some big news.
The city picked me for a special team of sewage engineers for a really important operation.
Thatâs terrific.
Iâm so proud of you.
What, uh What exactly am I proud of? Iâve been named to a task force thatâs gonna take down a fatberg.
Iâm sorry; what? A fatberg.
Itâs a big one.
Itâs below 68th and Lex.
Itâs this congealed mass of anything you shouldnât flush, like cooking fat or condoms and wet wipes.
Itâs like an iceberg but itâs made of, uh - Fat? - Exactly.
Get this.
They found one in London the size of a 747.
Thereâs a chunk of it in the museum now.
Sorry, Iâm freaking out, itâs just Iâm on the fatberg five.
Iâm sorry.
Iâm sorry, no, Iâm sorry.
Alliteration is just itâs my Achilles heel.
You know this is dangerous.
Most plumbersâ wives forbid them from going anywhere near a fatberg.
Really? - Should you even be doing this? - Well, I have to.
- I got a duty.
- [SNICKERS.]
Sorry.
You said "duty.
" I I you said "duty.
" - Come on where are you going? - For a walk.
To the roof.
I donât know.
Okay, donât be ridiculous.
Thatâs what I am to you, isnât it? No.
Look.
My job might not be as glamorous as yours, but this is a big deal to me.
I donât want to feel bad about it.
[DOOR OPENS AND SHUTS.]
I need you to book me a facial and a massage - at Guerlain after work.
- Good morning.
Is this a coupleâs massage? Iâm a grown woman, Liza.
I donât need a man to hold my hand through a spa treatment.
Got it.
Is everything okay with you and Enzo? Itâs not.
He stormed out last night.
He wonât answer any of my texts.
We may have come to the end of the road.
What? Why? You guys are so sweet together.
Liza, I am old enough to know myself and two things I am not are one: sweet.
And two compatible with a plumber.
Well, who cares what he does if the feelings are there? Well, I guess theyâre not.
It was fun, but it was doomed from the start.
And we were kidding ourselves to think otherwise.
Get me an espresso, please.
Iâm sorry, Diana.
Even when you know it wonât work, itâs still hard when it doesnât.
Are you still here? [KNOCKS.]
- Oh, I thought you were in DC? - I decided not to go.
Oh.
You decided that? - Did you need something? - [CLEARS THROAT.]
Why didnât you take Devereuxâs book when you had the chance? Charles told me.
Fine, I didnât want my name on a book that I didnât edit.
You have never passed an opportunity to take credit, and thatâs gonna be the biggest book of the year.
So what did you feel? Sorry for me? Or you thought it might be fun watching me go through the hell of promoting an exâs book, why? Because I was in love with you.
Are you screwing with me right now? Because you donât say that to someone in the past tense for the first time unless youâre trying to - make them feel like an asshole.
- At least I said it.
And you should be happy.
You won.
- I didnât want to win.
- Yes, you did.
All right? So did I.
Look, thatâs who we are.
Thatâs what we do.
Or did, before Millennial capsized Empirical.
Where did you hear that? I talk to Charles too.
All right, I know what the new pecking order is around here.
So this isnât even a competition anymore.
So congratulations.
Close the door on your way out.
[UPBEAT MUSIC.]
Thereâs no good way out of this.
I mean, if I go, Quinn could pull her investment.
If I stay, weâre in the weâre in the same mess weâre in now.
But it wonât be the same.
I discovered that the 20-something former assistant is now a 40-something editor.
Iâm very surprised.
I look at her completely differently.
I maybe even ask her on a date and my only question will be, will she say yes? Tough.
They still have a reporting relationship.
But sheâs not an assistant anymore.
Sheâs a Millennial co-founder.
Sheâs an executive.
People meet at work all the time.
And these people have no secret past? None whatsoever.
Huh, well, hmm.
Heâs a little stuffy.
Recently divorced.
Will they have any chemistry? Is he fun? Well, sheâll just have to find out for herself.
Well, letâs say she says yes.
They go to dinner and Maybe they click.
Maybe.
And maybe he can hold her hand at the office.
And in the street.
Everywhere.
The way that he has wanted to do for as long as he can remember.
[PHONE CHIMING.]
Is she going to get that? Sheâd rather not.
Damn it.
Iâm sorry.
[SIGHS.]
- Everything all right? - Of course not.
- Itâs Cheryl Sussman.
- You canât make an omelet without breaking some eggs.
- Thatâs "Hamlet.
" - [LAUGHS.]
Hello, Zaddy-to-be.
Please join me in the meditation circle.
Shoes off, okay? I am so happy you came to me with this problem.
- Okay, what is this? - Itâs a cacao ceremony.
Itâs a little bit like ayahuasca but without all the puking and PTSD.
I thought maybe we would just talk about this over some tacos or something? Adorable but no.
Fatherhood is far too great a decision for someone to just tell you what to do, okay? - Sit down.
- Right.
Okay.
- Sacred cacao from Guatemala.
- Right.
Drink it.
- Ugh.
- Excellent, good, good, good.
That just means itâs ready.
Finish it.
- [GROANS.]
- Good.
- Ah! - Good.
Okay.
Now what? We call the cacao mother.
Lie down.
So is the cacao mother supposed to tell me if Iâm gonna be - a sperm donor or not? - Oh, stop being so literal.
No, she she is merely here to guide you to your truest self so that you can answer this massive question without any regret.
Kay.
Kay [CLANG!.]
[SOFT GUITAR MUSIC.]
[CLANG!.]
[CLANG!.]
Did it work? Did you get your answer? [UPBEAT MUSIC.]
Yeah.
I think I did.
[UPBEAT MUSIC.]
Hi, Iâm here to meet Cheryl Sussman.
You must be here for the Chick(Y) party.
- Party? - In the back.
Theyâre just waiting for the guest of honor.
Oh, God.
Liza.
Come on over.
Welcome to Chick(Y).
- Hi.
- Meet your new flock.
Wow, what a surprise.
I thought this was just going to be you and me? Everyone was just so excited to meet you.
- [CHIRPS.]
- Did you bring the contracts? [STAMMERING.]
Cheryl, I I have something I need to discuss with you.
Do you think we could speak away from the giant peep? That giant peep just happens to be Peg Dobson, our VP of special projects.
And there isnât anything that you canât say in front of Meg Peg.
Okay.
- Cheryl - Mm-hmm.
I appreciate everything that you have done for me but I canât take this job.
Are you kidding me? After all Iâve done for you?! Are you kidding me? Youâre gonna regret this, Liza! Get out of my face! - Get out of my face! - What happened? Okay, now that youâre not taking that job can I just tell you that Chick(Y) is the worst name for an imprint.
Like, do they not want one man buying their books? Well, itâs actually Chick with a Y chromosome.
Ew.
Oh my God.
Did you see the news? A troubling scene here as a sanitation worker has gone missing while trying to extricate a large obstruction known as a fatberg from the bowels of the New York sewer system.
Enzo De Luca was last seen three hours ago while trying to dislodge the enormous mass of calcified sewage.
Thatâs Enzo.
Iâve gotta get over there.
Nobody flush anything.
So I thought about what you asked.
I thought about it a lot.
I meditated on it; I - cacaoed about it.
- You what? Never mind, um the point is Iâve decided I mean, I got some real clarity.
When I do have a kid, I want it to be my kid.
You know? I want it to be With someone that I really love.
I know that sounds kind of selfish but It doesnât sound selfish, it sounds - Honest.
- Mm.
And I canât wait for that to happen.
I thought you werenât into kids? Iâm into spoiling them.
See? [UPBEAT MUSIC.]
Hey.
Hey.
What are you doing? - I quit.
- What? Why? You know whatâs going on.
The companyâs changing.
Thereâs not room for me anymore.
Well, you donât have to quit.
Why donât you stay and work for Millennial? Oh I could never work for you.
Why? Because Iâm so much better.
[GASPS.]
You already got another job, didnât you? Ah! [SIRENS WAILING.]
[INDISTINCT CROWD CHATTER.]
No, no.
I am his girlfriend.
[DRAMATIC MUSIC.]
Enzo.
[APPLAUSE AND CHEERING.]
Whoo! [UPBEAT MUSIC.]
I told you it was dangerous.
Letâs get you a shower.
So we have a problem.
My entire group was just emailed a blind item thatâs due to run in Page Six tomorrow.
"What major publisher has been having a torrid affair "with his 27-year-old assistant? L.
L.
Moore was just the tip of the iceberg at this company.
" Why would you base any decision on a blind item? Well, it wasnât hard to find the source.
She seemed pretty eager for us to know it was her.
Are you familiar with Cheryl Sussman from Plaza Publishing? Ah, as you know, sheâs been trying to poach Liza from the company.
So before I call my lawyer to deny this do you wanna tell me if itâs true? Itâs completely consensual.
And Liza is not 27, as you know.
So her lie I can spin because ageism is wrong, but having an affair with an assistant in your office, that I canât spin.
Not in this climate.
And youâre the public face of the company, so So what are you saying? Weâre going to have to withdraw our offer.
We canât afford the liability.
[DRAMATIC MUSIC.]
Iâm sorry.
What if Iâm not the public face? I think thereâs another way.
[ETHEREAL MUSIC.]
[KNOCKING.]
Josh.
Door.
[KNOCKING.]
[SCREAMS.]
- Oh, my God.
- What? The cacao mother.
We called her, - and sheâs here.
- What are you talking about? Open the door.
Get the door.
Hey, Clare.
Hi.
Excuse me, everyone.
Could I have your attention for a minute? As you all know, Empirical has not been immune to the turbulence that the rest of the publishing industry is experiencing.
But I am pleased to say that we are more prepared than ever to stay the course.
Thanks to a sizeable investment from our very own author Quinn Tyler.
[APPLAUSE.]
Itâs an honor to be part of such an incredible company.
The history is prolific, but Iâm even more excited about its future.
Now, I made this the home for my book not because it offered me the most money or the highest profile but because of the passion of two people: Kelsey Peters and Liza Miller.
[APPLAUSE.]
What they have done for Millennial print is astonishing.
Because of their creativity and ingenuity, they have made it the envy of the publishing world.
And weâre gonna make it the focus of this company going forward.
And that is why it is my distinct honor to introduce you to your new publisher - Kelsey Peters.
- Whoo! - [APPLAUSE.]
- Come on.
Kelsey, come here.
Now, Kelsey isnât the only promotion we have today.
It is my honor to introduce to you your new Chairman of the Board, Charles Brooks.
Quite the palace coup.
I canât believe Charles would accept it.
But he just got promoted, didnât he? The Chairman of the Board only comes in for quarterly meetings.
The occasional budget approval.
Theyâre putting him out to pasture.
Charles.
Is it true? Did they force you out? Why would Quinn do this? She found out about us.
And that didnât sit well with her investors.
Oh my God, Charles, I am so sorry.
The company survives.
Itâs a good thing.
This is not a good thing.
This is your life.
It It was.
And maybe maybe itâs time for a new one with you and with my kids.
My fatherâs company is still alive and I get to watch you help run it.
- But - Liza.
I have got everything I want.
Iâm happy.
Then so am I.
["FALLINGWATER" BY MAGGIE ROGERS PLAYS.]
Set me free You were like falling water Coming down on me I never loved you Fully in the way I could I fought the current Running just the way you would And now Iâm In the creek I never gave you everything I wish I could And now Iâm And itâs getting harder [ELECTRONIC MUSIC.]
Enzo, we were foolish to think this would work out.
Weâre from two different worlds.
Which is why Iâm moving to yours.
Iâm trying to be more real.
Real? Come on Liza.
You donât even know what real is anymore.
Anything that you think that you have with Charles right now, thatâs not real.
Clare just called.
Sheâs not coming tonight? Sheâs not coming at all.
You are gonna meet that perfect person.
What if it's Liza? I need to press pause.
Youâre amazing but Iâve made this mistake before.
Kelsey she is not a bad editor.
I feel like the book belongs at Empirical.
I got a job offer.
Cheryl Sussman at Plaza Publishing, and Iâm gonna take it.
Itâs time for me to go.
[UPBEAT MUSIC.]
Weâre part of a very large multimedia company here, Liza, which means we have deep pockets.
Weâre not some floundering family publishing house like Empirical.
- I can see that.
- But we are looking to grow our young female audience, which is something that you have impressively managed to tap.
Well, I didnât do it alone.
Now is not the time to hide your light under a bushel, Liza.
Iâm trying to offer you a job, - here.
- And I appreciate it.
I saw what you did at Millennial with that young blonde nothing.
Thatâs why when I brought your name up to run our new imprint, everyone was very excited by the idea.
Wait, you want me to run my own imprint? Itâs called - Chick(Y).
- Wow.
Itâs targeted towards women, but weâre not excluding the Y chromosome.
Marketing spent a lot of time on this.
- Clever.
- Mm.
So This would be my office? Liza, youâve earned this.
Look, I admit it, at first I thought what you did was crazy, but youâve started at the bottom and fought your way back.
And weâre not ageist here.
If we were, Iâd be out of a job.
[LAUGHS.]
So just sign right here, and weâre in business.
And the starting salaryâs noted there on the top.
- Cheryl! Oh, my God.
- I know.
Itâs quite a step up from what youâve been making as Diana Troutâs assistant.
Wow, um that is incredibly generous, and this is all itâs all a bit overwhelming.
Do you think that I could have my lawyer just take a quick look at that? Of course.
Just, you know, sign them and bring them back to me tomorrow.
This chick(Y) is ready to hatch.
[UPBEAT HIP HOP MUSIC.]
Charles just mentioned a Capitol Letters party that Joe Biden is throwing in DC tomorrow.
Kelsey, how could you not inform me of this? Actually, itâs the first Iâm hearing about it myself.
Why so out of the loop? I thought you, uh talk to your authors, Kelsey? We need someone there.
Did something happen between you and your writer? I thought you two had quite the tight relationship? Iâm happy to go to DC.
Itâs my book.
Iâll be there.
Iâm sure itâs a private party that he felt didnât need mentioning.
Still, itâs all very strange, Peters.
Well, private or not, Iâm getting a press release out about this immediately.
[ROCK MUSIC.]
Sorry about the confusion with Devereux.
I will go down to DC for the Biden party but I just wanted to give you the heads up that Iâll need to expense it.
Not so fast.
Jake specifically requested that you not be there.
- When did he say that? - This morning.
So obviously something went on between the two of you that had nothing to do with the book.
Okay.
Yes, we had a moment.
But I told him that my priority was the work and that anything between us would have to wait until after we publish.
Well, after that moment, he met with me and asked if I could make it an Empirical title.
He wanted Zane to finish the edit.
He was pretty insistent.
And you said no? No, actually Zane said no.
He said, you did the work and he didnât want to poach your book.
Your, uh moment notwithstanding.
Thank you.
Hi.
- Hi.
- Thank you - so much for meeting me.
- Of course, my pleasure.
How is the book coming along? Oh, itâs challenging.
Iâm beginning to understand why so many writers become alcoholics.
Anyway, Kelsey and Liza are keeping me sane.
Well, I hear that the first few chapters are - Very promising.
- Oh, I donât know.
I prefer to under-promise and over-deliver.
Anyway, I didnât come here to talk about the book.
- Okay.
- Since we spoke in Sun Valley, I have been quietly putting together a group of investors because publishing needs angels.
And I like books.
[LAUGHS.]
Nothing has convinced me more of the need to save a company like yours than working on one myself.
- I am thrilled to hear that.
- [LAUGHS.]
What Bezos did for "The Washington Post" I wanna do for you.
And Iâve actually had my biggest success investing in businesses that the experts have left for dead.
- Not dead yet.
- [LAUGHS.]
At this point in my life I just wanna put my money where my passion is.
Well, obviously, I would love to hear more.
Of course.
I ask that you listen with an open mind.
I have a very specific strategy on how Iâd like to focus my groupâs investment.
Of course.
[UPBEAT MUSIC.]
I just had a very interesting lunch with Quinn Tyler.
Sheâs uh very impressed with Millennial.
The two of you in particular.
Sheâs pretty impressive herself.
Yeah.
Get ready for what Iâm about to tell you.
She wants to make a significant capital infusion in the company predicated on making Millennial the prime driver of the companyâs business.
- Oh, my God.
- Okay - what does that mean? - Uh, it means that, uh Millennial and not Empirical would become our flagship brand.
- Iâm stunned.
- What did you tell her? Obviously I need to think about it.
Okay, um You cannot leave now.
She is investing in us.
No, this is all the more reason why I should leave.
Iâm a ticking time bomb.
You both know the truth that Iâve been perpetrating a fraud here.
Youâre both part of it.
Youâre as liable as I am.
If Iâm not here, Quinnâs investment is clean.
I donât know if I could do this without you.
Kelsey, you can.
Kelsey, can I have a word with Liza? Iâll be in my office trying not to pass out.
You know Iâm right.
I donât want to leave but if I take this job, Iâll have a career and weâll have us.
And if I stay and you take Quinnâs investment based on me misrepresenting myself itâs not gonna end well.
I just know it.
And you think that Kelsey can run Millennial without you? I do.
Sheâs amazing.
And no matter what you call it, Empirical, Millennial at the end of the day, itâs still your company.
[CHUCKLES.]
All right.
- Iâll tell Quinn.
- Iâm still her editor.
Iâll tell her myself.
So thereâs no way of getting past this thing with Malkie? Well, she really wants a baby and Iâm really high on a weeknight and happy that way.
- [GLASSES CLINK.]
- [LAUGHS.]
That sucks, though.
Iâm sorry, Mags.
No, no, no, Iâm sorry.
Iâm sorry that she made you feel uncomfortable by asking you for your seed over dessert.
Ugh.
No, honestly I mean it was kind of flattering.
Yo, how awesome would it be to a have a little kid running around here, though? - So you would do it? - Well, I donât know I mean, for you yeah, I would have.
What about for Malkie? What do you mean? Well, she asked me if you would consider it.
You know, for real.
- Okay.
- You donât have to answer now, but [JAZZ MUSIC.]
I love everyone at Empirical, but this opportunity it was too good to pass up.
Theyâre giving me - my own imprint.
- Right.
Chick(Y).
I know it sounds silly but the name grows on you.
Yeah, it sounds like beach reads with hot pink covers which is fine, itâs just not you.
You have a more sophisticated taste.
- How much are they offering? - Itâs not about money.
Okay, so what is it about, because Iâm having a hard time understanding why a young woman with no prior experience would leave a thriving imprint that she helped build from scratch just as itâs about to blow up and so far you havenât given me a compelling reason.
Because Iâm not a young woman.
I lied about my age to get my job at Empirical.
Iâm in my 40s.
Oh my God.
Why? - How? - I needed a job.
And this was the only way that I could get one.
But if I stay at the company, it endangers your investment.
Itâs fraud and now you know.
The optics arenât good.
Neither are the optics of firing someone who was fighting against ageism.
And thatâs if it even comes out.
Itâs gonna come out.
What does Chick(Y) plan to do about it? Theyâre gonna bury it.
Iâm gonna do you one better.
Iâm gonna celebrate it.
- What? - Oh, God, did you not read my book, Liza? You embody every single CLAW principle.
Youâre gonna be talking about this on "The View" and "Ellen.
" This is gonna be huge for you - and for Millennial.
- And for your book? What? I didnât even think about that.
CLAW chapter four.
"Have a great idea, let them think that it was theirs.
" Ah, see? Then you already know Iâm not gonna let you go.
[ROCK MUSIC.]
[UPBEAT MUSIC.]
Thank you for coming.
I know this is slumming for you.
Oh, on the contrary.
So I got some big news.
The city picked me for a special team of sewage engineers for a really important operation.
Thatâs terrific.
Iâm so proud of you.
What, uh What exactly am I proud of? Iâve been named to a task force thatâs gonna take down a fatberg.
Iâm sorry; what? A fatberg.
Itâs a big one.
Itâs below 68th and Lex.
Itâs this congealed mass of anything you shouldnât flush, like cooking fat or condoms and wet wipes.
Itâs like an iceberg but itâs made of, uh - Fat? - Exactly.
Get this.
They found one in London the size of a 747.
Thereâs a chunk of it in the museum now.
Sorry, Iâm freaking out, itâs just Iâm on the fatberg five.
Iâm sorry.
Iâm sorry, no, Iâm sorry.
Alliteration is just itâs my Achilles heel.
You know this is dangerous.
Most plumbersâ wives forbid them from going anywhere near a fatberg.
Really? - Should you even be doing this? - Well, I have to.
- I got a duty.
- [SNICKERS.]
Sorry.
You said "duty.
" I I you said "duty.
" - Come on where are you going? - For a walk.
To the roof.
I donât know.
Okay, donât be ridiculous.
Thatâs what I am to you, isnât it? No.
Look.
My job might not be as glamorous as yours, but this is a big deal to me.
I donât want to feel bad about it.
[DOOR OPENS AND SHUTS.]
I need you to book me a facial and a massage - at Guerlain after work.
- Good morning.
Is this a coupleâs massage? Iâm a grown woman, Liza.
I donât need a man to hold my hand through a spa treatment.
Got it.
Is everything okay with you and Enzo? Itâs not.
He stormed out last night.
He wonât answer any of my texts.
We may have come to the end of the road.
What? Why? You guys are so sweet together.
Liza, I am old enough to know myself and two things I am not are one: sweet.
And two compatible with a plumber.
Well, who cares what he does if the feelings are there? Well, I guess theyâre not.
It was fun, but it was doomed from the start.
And we were kidding ourselves to think otherwise.
Get me an espresso, please.
Iâm sorry, Diana.
Even when you know it wonât work, itâs still hard when it doesnât.
Are you still here? [KNOCKS.]
- Oh, I thought you were in DC? - I decided not to go.
Oh.
You decided that? - Did you need something? - [CLEARS THROAT.]
Why didnât you take Devereuxâs book when you had the chance? Charles told me.
Fine, I didnât want my name on a book that I didnât edit.
You have never passed an opportunity to take credit, and thatâs gonna be the biggest book of the year.
So what did you feel? Sorry for me? Or you thought it might be fun watching me go through the hell of promoting an exâs book, why? Because I was in love with you.
Are you screwing with me right now? Because you donât say that to someone in the past tense for the first time unless youâre trying to - make them feel like an asshole.
- At least I said it.
And you should be happy.
You won.
- I didnât want to win.
- Yes, you did.
All right? So did I.
Look, thatâs who we are.
Thatâs what we do.
Or did, before Millennial capsized Empirical.
Where did you hear that? I talk to Charles too.
All right, I know what the new pecking order is around here.
So this isnât even a competition anymore.
So congratulations.
Close the door on your way out.
[UPBEAT MUSIC.]
Thereâs no good way out of this.
I mean, if I go, Quinn could pull her investment.
If I stay, weâre in the weâre in the same mess weâre in now.
But it wonât be the same.
I discovered that the 20-something former assistant is now a 40-something editor.
Iâm very surprised.
I look at her completely differently.
I maybe even ask her on a date and my only question will be, will she say yes? Tough.
They still have a reporting relationship.
But sheâs not an assistant anymore.
Sheâs a Millennial co-founder.
Sheâs an executive.
People meet at work all the time.
And these people have no secret past? None whatsoever.
Huh, well, hmm.
Heâs a little stuffy.
Recently divorced.
Will they have any chemistry? Is he fun? Well, sheâll just have to find out for herself.
Well, letâs say she says yes.
They go to dinner and Maybe they click.
Maybe.
And maybe he can hold her hand at the office.
And in the street.
Everywhere.
The way that he has wanted to do for as long as he can remember.
[PHONE CHIMING.]
Is she going to get that? Sheâd rather not.
Damn it.
Iâm sorry.
[SIGHS.]
- Everything all right? - Of course not.
- Itâs Cheryl Sussman.
- You canât make an omelet without breaking some eggs.
- Thatâs "Hamlet.
" - [LAUGHS.]
Hello, Zaddy-to-be.
Please join me in the meditation circle.
Shoes off, okay? I am so happy you came to me with this problem.
- Okay, what is this? - Itâs a cacao ceremony.
Itâs a little bit like ayahuasca but without all the puking and PTSD.
I thought maybe we would just talk about this over some tacos or something? Adorable but no.
Fatherhood is far too great a decision for someone to just tell you what to do, okay? - Sit down.
- Right.
Okay.
- Sacred cacao from Guatemala.
- Right.
Drink it.
- Ugh.
- Excellent, good, good, good.
That just means itâs ready.
Finish it.
- [GROANS.]
- Good.
- Ah! - Good.
Okay.
Now what? We call the cacao mother.
Lie down.
So is the cacao mother supposed to tell me if Iâm gonna be - a sperm donor or not? - Oh, stop being so literal.
No, she she is merely here to guide you to your truest self so that you can answer this massive question without any regret.
Kay.
Kay [CLANG!.]
[SOFT GUITAR MUSIC.]
[CLANG!.]
[CLANG!.]
Did it work? Did you get your answer? [UPBEAT MUSIC.]
Yeah.
I think I did.
[UPBEAT MUSIC.]
Hi, Iâm here to meet Cheryl Sussman.
You must be here for the Chick(Y) party.
- Party? - In the back.
Theyâre just waiting for the guest of honor.
Oh, God.
Liza.
Come on over.
Welcome to Chick(Y).
- Hi.
- Meet your new flock.
Wow, what a surprise.
I thought this was just going to be you and me? Everyone was just so excited to meet you.
- [CHIRPS.]
- Did you bring the contracts? [STAMMERING.]
Cheryl, I I have something I need to discuss with you.
Do you think we could speak away from the giant peep? That giant peep just happens to be Peg Dobson, our VP of special projects.
And there isnât anything that you canât say in front of Meg Peg.
Okay.
- Cheryl - Mm-hmm.
I appreciate everything that you have done for me but I canât take this job.
Are you kidding me? After all Iâve done for you?! Are you kidding me? Youâre gonna regret this, Liza! Get out of my face! - Get out of my face! - What happened? Okay, now that youâre not taking that job can I just tell you that Chick(Y) is the worst name for an imprint.
Like, do they not want one man buying their books? Well, itâs actually Chick with a Y chromosome.
Ew.
Oh my God.
Did you see the news? A troubling scene here as a sanitation worker has gone missing while trying to extricate a large obstruction known as a fatberg from the bowels of the New York sewer system.
Enzo De Luca was last seen three hours ago while trying to dislodge the enormous mass of calcified sewage.
Thatâs Enzo.
Iâve gotta get over there.
Nobody flush anything.
So I thought about what you asked.
I thought about it a lot.
I meditated on it; I - cacaoed about it.
- You what? Never mind, um the point is Iâve decided I mean, I got some real clarity.
When I do have a kid, I want it to be my kid.
You know? I want it to be With someone that I really love.
I know that sounds kind of selfish but It doesnât sound selfish, it sounds - Honest.
- Mm.
And I canât wait for that to happen.
I thought you werenât into kids? Iâm into spoiling them.
See? [UPBEAT MUSIC.]
Hey.
Hey.
What are you doing? - I quit.
- What? Why? You know whatâs going on.
The companyâs changing.
Thereâs not room for me anymore.
Well, you donât have to quit.
Why donât you stay and work for Millennial? Oh I could never work for you.
Why? Because Iâm so much better.
[GASPS.]
You already got another job, didnât you? Ah! [SIRENS WAILING.]
[INDISTINCT CROWD CHATTER.]
No, no.
I am his girlfriend.
[DRAMATIC MUSIC.]
Enzo.
[APPLAUSE AND CHEERING.]
Whoo! [UPBEAT MUSIC.]
I told you it was dangerous.
Letâs get you a shower.
So we have a problem.
My entire group was just emailed a blind item thatâs due to run in Page Six tomorrow.
"What major publisher has been having a torrid affair "with his 27-year-old assistant? L.
L.
Moore was just the tip of the iceberg at this company.
" Why would you base any decision on a blind item? Well, it wasnât hard to find the source.
She seemed pretty eager for us to know it was her.
Are you familiar with Cheryl Sussman from Plaza Publishing? Ah, as you know, sheâs been trying to poach Liza from the company.
So before I call my lawyer to deny this do you wanna tell me if itâs true? Itâs completely consensual.
And Liza is not 27, as you know.
So her lie I can spin because ageism is wrong, but having an affair with an assistant in your office, that I canât spin.
Not in this climate.
And youâre the public face of the company, so So what are you saying? Weâre going to have to withdraw our offer.
We canât afford the liability.
[DRAMATIC MUSIC.]
Iâm sorry.
What if Iâm not the public face? I think thereâs another way.
[ETHEREAL MUSIC.]
[KNOCKING.]
Josh.
Door.
[KNOCKING.]
[SCREAMS.]
- Oh, my God.
- What? The cacao mother.
We called her, - and sheâs here.
- What are you talking about? Open the door.
Get the door.
Hey, Clare.
Hi.
Excuse me, everyone.
Could I have your attention for a minute? As you all know, Empirical has not been immune to the turbulence that the rest of the publishing industry is experiencing.
But I am pleased to say that we are more prepared than ever to stay the course.
Thanks to a sizeable investment from our very own author Quinn Tyler.
[APPLAUSE.]
Itâs an honor to be part of such an incredible company.
The history is prolific, but Iâm even more excited about its future.
Now, I made this the home for my book not because it offered me the most money or the highest profile but because of the passion of two people: Kelsey Peters and Liza Miller.
[APPLAUSE.]
What they have done for Millennial print is astonishing.
Because of their creativity and ingenuity, they have made it the envy of the publishing world.
And weâre gonna make it the focus of this company going forward.
And that is why it is my distinct honor to introduce you to your new publisher - Kelsey Peters.
- Whoo! - [APPLAUSE.]
- Come on.
Kelsey, come here.
Now, Kelsey isnât the only promotion we have today.
It is my honor to introduce to you your new Chairman of the Board, Charles Brooks.
Quite the palace coup.
I canât believe Charles would accept it.
But he just got promoted, didnât he? The Chairman of the Board only comes in for quarterly meetings.
The occasional budget approval.
Theyâre putting him out to pasture.
Charles.
Is it true? Did they force you out? Why would Quinn do this? She found out about us.
And that didnât sit well with her investors.
Oh my God, Charles, I am so sorry.
The company survives.
Itâs a good thing.
This is not a good thing.
This is your life.
It It was.
And maybe maybe itâs time for a new one with you and with my kids.
My fatherâs company is still alive and I get to watch you help run it.
- But - Liza.
I have got everything I want.
Iâm happy.
Then so am I.
["FALLINGWATER" BY MAGGIE ROGERS PLAYS.]
Set me free You were like falling water Coming down on me I never loved you Fully in the way I could I fought the current Running just the way you would And now Iâm In the creek I never gave you everything I wish I could And now Iâm And itâs getting harder [ELECTRONIC MUSIC.]