Full House s05e13 Episode Script

Jolting Joey Gladstone is at the plate.
Stephanie Tanner, the crafty right-hander, is on the mound.
The windup, the pitch.
Strike three.
You're out! What? That ball was outside by a mile.
Ball four! It was a strike! - It was a ball! - It was a strike! - It was a ball! - It was a strike! - It was a strike! - It was a ball! Oh, so it was a ball.
Thank you very much.
Hey, you tricked me.
You're out of the game.
- What? - You heard the ump.
You're out of here.
Yeah, hit the showers.
And wash behind your ears.
All right, fine.
I'm out of the game? I'm just taking my bat and ball and I'm going home.
Hold it, you're back in the game.
Play ball! - Play ball! - Play ball.
Danny, dare I ask what you're doing? I'm cleaning my leaves.
You're gonna clean every leaf in the garden? Of course not, Joey, that would be totally compulsive behavior.
I'm just doing the dirty ones.
Hello, boys.
Hey, biker babe, how's it going? Not good.
A boy said: Baby, baby Stick your head in gravy Well, Michelle, if he said that, then he's the baby.
Next time, you just be a big girl and say: So so suck your toe All the way to Mexico You're a wonderful role model.
At least I don't simonize my plants.
Michelle, why would somebody call you a baby? Because I still need baby training wheels.
Honey, that's all right.
Kids take off their training wheels at all different ages.
I was even a little older than you.
Danny, you still had training wheels on your paper route.
I wanna learn how to ride right now.
That's the Tanner spirit.
I wonder who could teach me.
Daddy? Michelle, honestly, I'd love to teach you but Vicky's coming over and we've got to work on next week's shows.
- I'd love to teach you tomorrow.
- Tomorrow? Hello, Joe.
Danny, can I teach her how to ride? Please, please, please? With a cherry on top? You know I can't say no to that.
That's why I said it.
Okay, sweetheart.
But I am gonna be the one that teaches you how to drive on your 30th birthday.
Michelle, when I get finished with you, you're gonna be riding on two wheels.
- Yes! - Burning rubber.
- Yes! - Popping wheelies.
- Yes! - Jumping over school buses.
Oh, no, no, no.
Yes, yes, yes.
You two are the most beautiful babies in the whole world.
Now, I know every other mother says that but every other mother is wrong.
Because you two really are the most beautiful babies in the whole world.
Yes, you are.
- Hi, sweetheart.
- Hi, honey.
I was just out getting the mail.
It is a perfect day in San Francisco so I got a great idea.
We pack the kids up and go on their first car ride.
- What do you think? - Jess, that's a great idea.
Can we do that? Well, they're our kids, it's our car.
I think, it's legal.
What do you say, Nickster, Big Al, you cats wanna go for a ride? See that? They're psyched.
Boy, just like the old days.
I can't believe we're doing this.
We're gonna hop in the car, take a drive just like we did before we had the two most beautiful babies in the whole world.
Beck, we're still the same fun-loving, free-spirited people it's just there's more of us.
Now, I've got the perfect place to go.
- The Harley shop.
- Aunt Ida's.
- Aunt Ida's? - The Harley shop? The new Ultra Glides are in, and the kids were just saying yesterday they're dying to see them.
But Aunt Ida's got a new hairdo.
Aunt Ida hates me, all right? She calls me the Hoodlum.
For your wedding she got you that book, Smart Women, Foolish Choices.
- Oh, she's kidding, just kidding.
- Yeah, I love her comedy.
Jess, come on, honey, she's still my aunt and she's begging me to bring them over.
All right, all right, okay.
We'll visit the Harley shop, we'll go check out Ida's new 'do, okay? That's great.
We'll be like spontaneous.
We're gonna ride like the wind.
Huh, boys? Ride like the wind.
- Okay! - Grab a kid.
Let's go! Oh, wait, honey, before we ride like the wind Alex needs to be fed, yes, he does, and Nicky needs to take a nap.
We don't want them to be cranky when we go to Aunt Ida's.
Yeah, Ida's cranky enough for all of us.
All right.
Here we go, boys, you gotta eat and take a nap.
Then when we're done, we're gonna ride like the wind, huh? Doesn't that sound great? They can hardly contain themselves.
Oh, no, I hate this video.
Where's the remote? It's on top of the TV.
Oh, well.
Girls, it's such a beautiful day outside.
Wouldn't you like to go get some fresh air? - No.
- No.
- Don't you have some homework to do? - No.
Do you have some friends you wanna hang out with? - No.
- Let me give you another option.
Please leave.
Look, I gotta work in here, okay? Vicky's coming over.
- Ooh.
- Ooh.
There is nothing to "ooh" about.
Oh, yes, there is, you kissed her.
Dad, don't be so embarrassed.
You two make a cute couple.
Go for it.
Look, it was one little good-night kiss.
We haven't even talked about it since.
What? You've worked with her every day and you haven't even brought it up? Why are you such a chicken? I am not a chicken.
This is a very delicate situation, and I'm proceeding cautiously because-- [CLUCKING.]
Will you girls please give me a break? Maybe she doesn't even remember the kiss.
Maybe she hated it.
Think positive.
Maybe she doesn't remember she hated it.
[DOORBELL RINGS.]
That's Vicky.
- Ooh.
- Ooh.
There's nothing between us.
- Hi, Danny.
- Hi.
- Hi, girls.
- Hi, Vicky.
We were just talking about you.
No, no, we weren't.
Yeah, we were talking about the fact that you were just outside the door, but now that you're inside our talk is pretty much over.
Thanks for catching me up.
Well, Steph, let's go to the store.
Do you guys need anything? Milk, juice, ChapStick? Thanks, we'll be fine.
You can take your time at the store.
Are you sure you don't need any more Binaca, Dad? Bye, girls.
Aren't they precious? Danny, you seem a little nervous.
Is anything wrong? No.
No, no, no.
Well, great.
Then should we get to work? Yes.
Yes, yes, yes.
Uh, I made a list of possible guests for next week Joe Montana, Henry Kisser, Sean Penn.
- Kisser? - Excuse me? You just said Henry Kisser.
No, I said Henry Kissinger.
It's written right there.
Why would I say Henry Kisser? Oh, that's right.
Why would you say that? It's not on your lips.
Your list, your list.
Vicky, why are we doing this? We both know that we kissed last week.
You're right.
And now that it's out in the open, I think, the best thing to do is to forget it ever happened.
Right! It's forgotten whatever it was.
I mean, not that it wasn't a nice kiss.
I liked it.
Really? I liked it too.
A lot.
But that doesn't matter now, because.
- It never happened.
- It never happened.
All right, Michelle, you got your helmet.
You got your goggles, you got your elbow pads.
You got your knee pads, you got your shin pads.
You ready to ride? I don't know if I can move.
Well, better safe than sorry.
You don't want to get hurt.
Hurt? Why did you say that word? I'm sure you won't get hurt, but this way at least you'll be protected in case you fall off.
Fall off? More bad words.
Okay, time out.
Forget about all those bad words.
There's really nothing to it.
Now, watch carefully as I get on the bike push off and pedal.
See? Nothing to it! No hands! - Hello.
- Hello.
This isn't my bike.
That's not my kid! I'm available! Probably not into big guys with small bikes.
Okay, now, it's your turn, Michelle.
Just hop on, push off, and start peddling, and I'll hold on to the back.
- That's it? JOEY: Piece of cake.
All right, get on the bike.
I'll hold on to the back.
And trust me, there's nothing to worry about.
Okay? On your mark, get set, start peddling.
Attagirl.
All right, looking good.
This is easy.
Attagirl.
You're doing it all by yourself! I am? Holy cow! Whoa.
Michelle, are you okay? I am so sorry.
Are you hurt? You let go of me.
I only let go because you were doing so well.
Then why am I in this bush? Okay, let's get you out of there, kiddo.
I think you're gonna be okay.
No, I'm not.
I got a scrape! Ouch! Well, it's not a bad scrape, you're gonna be just fine.
Let's get back on the bike and try again.
What am I? Nuts? This time I promise I won't let go.
I'll never trust you again.
Michelle.
Michelle! Come on, sweetheart.
Michelle, I'm sorry you fell off your bike.
Okay, if you won't talk to Joey, will you talk to your old pal Bullwinkle? Okay.
Tell Joey I'm very mad at him.
Joey, Michelle is very mad at you.
Maybe you could tell her that it was just an accident and I love her like crazy? - Maybe she won't believe you.
- She will.
- She won't.
- She will.
- She won't.
- She will.
- I saw a smile.
- Oops.
Nope too late, I already saw you smiling.
Only because you were funny.
Well, that's a start.
Can I fix that scrape for you? Can Bullwinkle do it? Why, certainly.
Dr.
Bullwinkle T.
Moose at your service.
Just have a seat in my office.
Okay, here we go.
Now, sit tight for a moment.
Now, this may sting a little.
- Ouch, that stings a lot! - I'm sorry.
You lied again.
Now, I really don't trust you.
It wasn't me, it was Bullwinkle.
Oh, sure, blame it on the moose.
Okay, you're fed, changed, dressed and still napping.
And one hour later we're ready to be totally spontaneous.
Not so fast.
We've gotta put on our C.
T.
H.
's.
Our car-trip hats.
Jess, Aunt Ida hates it when you wear your hat backwards.
I know.
Boys, get ready to bug your Aunt Ida.
There you go.
There you go.
All right! Now, we're ready to ride like the wind.
Wait a minute.
We need extra diapers.
Right.
All right, you guys rest up because when you meet Aunt Ida you won't sleep for days.
Jesse Katsopolis! Here.
Let's grab this bag.
- Okay.
- All right.
Got the diapers.
- Baby wipes.
- Baby wipes.
Very good.
You know what? Nicky's got a rash.
We need that baby butt stuff.
Here it is.
Okay, one more diaper and we are set.
Just to be safe, we better take everything on the changing table.
Good thinking.
Here we go.
Let's get this.
All right, there we are.
We're spontaneously packed and ready to ride like the wind.
Oh, wait a minute, Jess.
It could get windy.
- We better bring blankets and scarves.
- Good thinking.
But, wait a minute.
What if it rains? We're gonna have to get their slickers and galoshy-booties, all right? Wait a minute, wait a minute.
It could get really hot.
Sunsuits.
You know what? We don't know what's gonna happen.
I say we take the whole dresser.
Honey, I just had a thought.
I mean, this is the first time the boys will be away from home.
Maybe we should bring something familiar and comforting.
Right.
Their Elvismobiles! You know.
I've been looking for an excuse to hang these on the rear-view mirror anyway.
Do you think they might miss their stuffed animals? They'll miss their stuffed animals.
We gotta take them! Here you go.
- Ready, and catch! - Got it! - And catch! - Got it! - And catch! - No! Okay, we've gone over all the days of the week Monday, Tuesday, all those other days.
I'm sorry, Danny.
What did you say? I have no idea.
I can't think about anything but that kiss.
Me too.
This is crazy.
We work together.
You're right, we cannot start a relationship.
Yeah, and who knows where I'll be after Becky comes back to Wake Up, San Francisco.
Let's just forget about it.
It's forgotten.
Whoa! Make Out, San Francisco! Steph! Go to your room.
I mean, hi.
- You learn to ride that bike yet? - That's Michelle.
Nice shade of lipstick, Dad.
Don't you girls have somebody else you can go embarrass? Sorry, Dad.
You two have fun playing tonsil hockey.
Have I mentioned to you how precious they are? Vicky why are we doing this to ourselves? I don't know.
Maybe we should just go with it.
You know what? You're right.
Let's be crazy, let's be totally outrageous.
Vicky, come with me.
Let's fly to Paris tonight.
Danny, Danny, we have a show to do tomorrow.
How about frozen yogurt? You wild man.
- Vanilla.
- You're insane.
With sprinkles.
Get the door.
Okay, just follow the sound of my voice, Jess.
Come on, straight ahead.
There you go.
JESSE: All right, here we go.
We're ready to ride like the wind.
Do you think we really need all this stuff? I mean, we're only gonna be gone two or three hours.
That's what Gilligan said.
Oh, yeah, good point.
We wouldn't want to get shipwrecked without our Elvismobiles.
Beck, it only took us two hours to get ready to be very spontaneous to go to the Harley shop and Aunt Ida's, let's go.
Jess, let's face it.
Life as we knew it is no more.
Next time we want to be spontaneous, let's plan ahead.
[DOORBELL RINGS.]
Honey, could you get that? Kidding.
Aunt Ida! We were just coming to see you.
JESSE: Becky, that's not funny.
Hi, Jesse.
Hi, Aunt Ida.
Beautiful new do.
I was in the neighborhood.
Turn your hat around, you look like a hoodlum.
[COOING.]
IDA: My little babies.
- Hi, Michelle.
STEPH: Hi, Michelle.
Wanna buy a bike? It's only 50 cents.
No, thanks.
Hey, Joey told us you fell off your bike.
So why don't we get one last shot of you sitting on the bike that you're never gonna ride again? Is this a trick? Michelle, bubbie, baby.
If we wanted to trick you, we'd think of something a little more clever than asking you to sit on your bike.
Now, sit on your bike.
I'll hold you.
Steph, how does she look? I think the light would be better way over there.
Steph, you are so right.
Now, Michelle, I'll hold you steady, you just start peddling.
Stop the bike.
I wanna get off.
All right, hop off.
- This was a trick.
Shame on you! - We're sorry, Michelle.
We thought you should give your bike another chance.
Maybe you didn't see this scrape.
Girls, can I talk to Michelle for a minute? - Sure.
- Good luck.
Michelle, it's obvious you're way too smart to fall for a trick.
It's very obvious.
Would you go for a bribe? Never! What do you got? Well, if you give me a chance to teach you how to ride you can have your very own copy of The Little Mermaid.
No, thank you.
It's your favorite movie.
It's on cable all month.
Michelle, I'm sorry that you had an accident.
But I had to let go.
That's how you learn.
Otherwise, every kid you see riding a bike would have a grownup hanging on the back.
That's better than falling in a bush.
I'm gonna tell you something I should've told you before we ever started.
You don't know what you're doing? No, that learning to ride a bike is hard work.
No matter how many times you fall you have to keep trying because once you get it right, it's really worth it.
Are you sure about this? Hey, come on, you and I are buds.
We go way back.
Until you wiped out, did I ever let you down? No.
Well, then how about giving your old pal Joey one more chance? - Okay, old pal.
- Attagirl.
Kiss? You're not gonna let me go, right? No way.
Not until you say so.
Okay, let's do it! All right, you're doing it, Michelle.
- Let go! - Are you sure? - Let go! - Are you really, really sure? I said, let go! Way to go! I'm not in the bush! Michelle, I am so proud of you.
You did it all by yourself.
Uh-uh, Joey, I did it with you.
Wanna go for another ride? Okay, let's go! Okay, Michelle.
Here we go! I'll race you home! - Try and catch me! - Michelle, Michelle! Michelle, not so fast.
Wait for me!