Garfield and Friends (1988) s05e13 Episode Script

- Announcer: Ladies and gentlemen, Garfield and Friends. (drumroll)
We're, We're ♪
Ready, Ready ♪
To, To ♪
Party
We're ready to party
We're ready
And hope you bring lots of spaghetti ♪
Come on in
Come to the place where fun never ends ♪
Come on in
It's time to party with Garfield and Friends ♪
Dancing, Fiesta ♪
Romancing, Siesta ♪
Samba, La Bamba ♪
Ay, caramba
Disguises, Disguises ♪
Surprises, Surprises ♪
And pies of, And pies of ♪
All sizes
Come on in
Come to the place where fun never ends ♪
Come on in
It's time to party with Garfield and Friends ♪
Come on in
It's time to party with Garfield and Friends ♪
Garfield and Friends
- And don't let your dog watch this show.
It's too good for 'em.
(upbeat music)
- Help, help!
The mean old cat is after me.
Help!
- I'll get you, you miserable mouse, you.
You can't get away from me.
- Help!
Help!
(thump!)
(accordion music)
- Why, you can't hide in that mouse hole, mouse.
(dog growls)
(dog barks)
- Hold it.
Stop the cartoon, please.
Ladies and gentlemen, I'm sorry you had to see that.
There are way too many of these around,
cartoons that distort reality
and make cats look stupid and evil.
Why is the mouse always the good guy?
What's so good about mice?
Let's consult the dictionary.
Mouse, noun, a small furry rodent.
Mice, plural, infest buildings, prey on crops
and have been known to spread certain diseases.
And we're making heroes out of these animals?
The hero should be the ones who chase mice.
Not that I ever do, of course.
The cartoon you saw a moment ago is extremely unrealistic.
Let's take a look at it again and I'll explain.
Okay, first thing.
Did you notice how large the living room is.
It's about three miles, I figure.
And they've run past that same table about 20 times.
Okay, see that?
That never happens.
Cats are way too smart to fall for that.
In fact, some of us are way too smart
to chase mice in the first place.
Now that wouldn't happen either.
If a cat did smack into a wall like that,
he'd wind up with broken bones and bruises.
Alright, hold it.
See what that cat's doing?
Anytime a cat reaches into a mouse hole like that,
he's gonna grab something squishy
or some illegal explosive device.
Mice always seem to have explosive devices.
Or a bulldog.
In this case, it's a bulldog.
What a surprise.
And speaking of surprises, are you as sick
of cartoon characters doing that as I am?
Let me show you how annoying it can be.
Send in the cartoon character, please.
This is a cartoon character.
Watch how they react to everything.
The bus is running late.
(cartoon character screams) (alarm blares)
And it's partly cloud outside.
(cartoon character screams)
See how annoying that is?
Back to our film.
Okay, now the bulldog's chasing the cat.
Why is the bulldog chasing the cat?
The cat never did anything to harm the bulldog.
Cats are always getting picked on in cartoon shows,
and it's time it was stopped.
Therefore, I'm off to meet with the heads
of all the cartoon studios to demand that they stop
making the kind of cartoon you've just seen.
(drumroll) (splat)
(drumroll) (splat)
(drumroll) (splat)
(door slam) (splat)
Alright, they think I'm pussyfooting around
on this cat thing.
Well, I'll show them.
I'll make my own cartoon show.
(working music)
- Uh, Garfield, do you think
I could have my drawing board back?
I have work to do.
- No, not until I finish my cartoon.
A lot of people think drawing is difficult.
Not so.
It's just lines on paper.
(working music)
(working music)
My staff is hard at work on the ink and paint.
(Odie hums)
Hey, it's cheaper than sending it overseas.
Now as soon as my cartoon's finished,
I'll take it to the network and get 'em to put it on TV.
(upbeat music)
♪
- Garfield, we've thoroughly considered your cartoon,
and I regret that we do not feel
there is a place for it on our network at this time.
- Excuse me, but here are the latest ratings, Mr. Executive.
- Thank you, Marge.
Wha, oh! (alarms blare)
- So that's where that came from.
- Garfield, perhaps we do have a need for your show.
We'll find a spot for it.
- Just cancel a game show or the news or something.
♪
All set to watch my show, Odie?
(Odie barks)
Here it comes.
(upbeat music)
(Odie whines)
Sorry, I didn't have room for your name.
Here, watch.
- Where's my cat?
Where is Sam cat?
Oh, there he is where he belongs, in bed.
I must not disturb him.
I'll go cook him more of the foods he loves the most.
- Arf, arf, I am the stupid dog.
I annoy cats.
- (laughs) This is great.
(Odie whines)
- Oh, it's the stupid dog.
Could we do something about this stupid dog?
- I'm sorry, Sam.
I'll take him to the pound where all dogs belong.
- Good, and check yourself in while you're at it.
Hope nothing more ruins my nap.
- Hello, Sam.
I'm cute cat.
I'm here to be adorable and make everyone sick.
- Now, this is quality TV.
Ooh, here comes my favorite part.
Watch this.
For the next 26 minutes, all he does is sleep.
Isn't this great?
How can anybody not love this?
(keys tapping)
What's that noise?
(electricity buzzing)
It sounded like everyone in the whole country
changing channels at the same time.
- Garfield, we just got the ratings in
for the last minute-and-a-half.
- Don't cancel me. Please don't cancel me.
- Oh, we're not going to cancel you, Garfield,
but we have a little format change in mind,
a new programming concept.
- Anything, anything.
- Help, help!
The mean old cat is after me.
Help!
- I'll get you, you miserable mouse, you.
You can't get away from me.
- Help! Help!
(splat)
(accordion music)
- Hey, it could be worse.
They could have me hosting a talk show.
(sleigh bells ringing)
♪
(ominous Jingle Bells music)
(upbeat Jingle Bells music)
♪
(doorbell rings)
- Yes?
(crash!)
- Yes!
(upbeat theme music)
♪
(upbeat country music)
♪
- I'm digging the new well.
- Check.
- I'm putting the horse feed in the barn.
- Check.
- I'm building the new fence.
- Check.
- I'm turning over the soil in the carrot patch, man.
- Check. No, wait.
Uh, Bo, you were supposed to be fixing the tractor today.
Can you do that tomorrow?
- Like tomorrow, I'm supposed to be planting corn.
Can't the rooster dude do it, or the egg?
- Roy's fixing the pump tomorrow,
and Sheldon's painting the coop.
And I have to guard the apple crop from my brothers. (sighs)
- Sounds like, uh, like we could use
a few more hands around here, Ors, my man.
- He's right, but where am I gonna find more employees?
- Group: Hello, do you have any work for us?
- My name is Who. - My name is What.
- My name is Where.
- Group: We're Who, What, and Where.
- Who, What, and Where?
Those are odd names.
- Our daddy was a reporter.
- He asked a lot of questions.
- We are looking for work.
- Well, I have plenty of work for you.
Come on.
(ominous music)
(Orson's Brothers chuckle)
- Hi, you must be one of the new workers.
What is your name?
- That's right. - What is right?
- Yup, What is my name.
- That's what I asked. What is your name?
- That's right.
- Tell me your name. - What.
- Tell me your name. - What.
- (screams) What is your name? - Now you got it.
(mumbles in frustration)
- Why do we have to feed grain to the horses?
Why can't they send out for pizza?
Oh, good, good.
Orson hired more workers.
Hello up there.
My name is Wade.
What is your name?
- No, What's my brother's name.
- I don't care about your brother's name.
How about telling me your name?
- Who.
- You, what's your name?
- No, What's my brother's name.
- Don't change the subject.
Who's the person I am talking to?
- That's right.
- What's right?
- No, What is the name of my brother.
- How should I know?
- Perfectly clear to me.
(hammering)
- Orson, tell me the name of the new worker
in the tool shed.
- What.
- Tell me the name of the new worker in the tool shed.
- What.
- Who is the guy in the tool shed?
- No, Who is fixing the roof.
- I don't care about the roof.
Where's the name of the guy in the shed?
- No, Where is the name of the guy plowing the field.
- Who's plowing the field?
- No, Who's fixing the roof.
- Orson, what is the name of the guy fixing the roof?
- No, What is the name of the guy cleaning the tool shed.
- Who's cleaning the tool shed?
- No, Who's fixing the roof.
- Who is the guy plowing the field?
- No, Who is fixing the roof.
Where is the guy plowing the field.
- How should I know? What is his name?
- No, What is the name of the brother cleaning the shed.
- Whose brother?
- Of course.
- Orson, who is fixing the roof?
What is the name of the guy cleaning the shed?
And where is the other brother?
- You finally got it.
Guard the apples here while I go check on them.
(Roy and Wade scream)
- Come on, we're gonna get to the bottom of this.
- Yeah, but Orson said to guard the apples.
- Forget the apples.
Let's go!
(ominous music)
(Orson's Brothers chuckle)
- Finished cleaning out the shed, Who.
- Nice work, What.
- Shouldn't we guard the apples?
- Not until we get to the bottom of this
bad Abbott and Costello movie we seem to be trapped in.
Uno momento, new employee.
- Yeah, we want a word with you.
Where is your other brother?
- That's right
He's out plowing the field.
- Who's plowing the field? - No, he's fixing the roof.
- Who is?
- Can't you see him up there?
- See who? - That's him.
- What is his name?
- No, What is my name.
- (sobs) It's getting worse.
- I've had enough of this!
Tell me your name! - What.
- Tell me your name! - What.
- Then tell me his name!
- Who.
- You up there, tell me his name!
- What.
(hysterical blabbering)
- Who is guarding the apples?
- No, Who is fixing the roof.
- Come on, guys.
We gotta guard the apples.
- Like, Where is the guy fixing the roof.
- I thought Where was the guy plowing the field.
- Come on, guys.
The apple crop is unguarded.
- Like, uh, right behind you, Ors.
(tense music)
(slam)
- Hey, we got 'em!
- And the apples.
- We're locked in.
- And the apples are all gone.
- Who's gonna rescue us?
- No, man, he's fixing the roof.
- Don't start!
- Hey, nice work, brothers.
- Yeah, we got ourselves apples for days.
- Roof's all done.
- I finished plowing the field.
- I think those are the apple thieves coming now.
- Hey, one side!
- We can't let you steal those apples.
- Oh, a wise guy, huh?
I wanna know your name.
- Who.
- Your name, pal. - Who.
- What is your name?
- No, What is his name.
- We wanna know your name!
- Who: Who.
- Heave.
- Group: Ho!
- Heave.
- Group: Ho!
- Let me try this guy.
Tell me that guy's name.
- Where.
- The guy standing next to you. - Where.
- What is his name?
- No, What is my name.
- Okay, now run and give it all you've got.
One, two, three!
(crash)
- Wade: Orson, could I ask you a question?
- Orson: Sure.
- Did you plan on us stopping at any point?
- What is your name?
- No, What is my older brother.
- Who is your older brother?
- No, Who is my younger brother.
(frustrated growling)
- Like we gotta get rid of this log, man.
- On three, everyone let go of it.
One, two, three!
(screeching brakes)
- You guys got three seconds to tell us your names.
- Who. - What. - Where.
(bouncing log)
- Wood coming, brothers.
- It sure looks that way, Who.
- Reckon we oughta move.
(crash)
(Orson's Brothers scream)
(thunk)
All: Whooaaa!
- You stalled them and saved our apple crop.
- Yeah, but what are these guys' names?
- What is my name. Who is--
- Hold it. I see the problem.
This one's name is Who.
This one's name is What.
And this one's name is Where.
- Group: Oooooh!
- Now I get it. (chuckles)
I think.
- So you think you could find another job?
- It's for our sister.
- Tell me her name. - Group: Why.
- Because I wanna know.
- Group: Why.
Just tell me her name! - Group: Why.
- Oh, forget it!
- Brothers: Well, he's our uncle.
(upbeat theme music)
♪
(laid back country music)
♪
On a sunny Tuesday, we took a little hike ♪
To deep within the mountains and a lake we kinda like ♪
We brought along a picnic lunch ♪
We thought would last a day
Providing that we stop at several diners on the way ♪
We packed up each necessity and took it to the spot ♪
Except of course for ketchup which John Arbuckle forgot ♪
The picnic would be perfect
You could tell that at a glance ♪
Unless, of course, we ran into a colony of ants ♪
Oh, we're the ants who'll ruin your dinner ♪
We're always here to mess up any day ♪
When we're around, every camper gets thinner ♪
'Cause if we get the chance, we will take your food away ♪
(marching music)
♪
I told my pets we should all go for a run ♪
The cat said he would take a nap until we both were done ♪
We started running but one thought had me concerned ♪
I warned him not to touch the food until we both returned ♪
I made a solemn promise not to eat a single crumb ♪
And then they both went jogging ♪
Which I frankly think is dumb ♪
I settled down to have a sleep and practice self control ♪
And didn't notice that our lunch was going for a stroll ♪
Oh, we're the ants who plunder and steal ♪
We leave each camper hungry and distraught ♪
When we're around, you won't get a meal ♪
Because if we get the chance
We will eat the stuff you brought ♪
(marching music)
I dreamed of eating most everything I saw ♪
And woke up with a craving for a sandwich and some slaw ♪
But when I reached, I instead got something weird ♪
It seemed as though our picnic lunch ♪
Had up and disappeared
I couldn't find it anywhere, I didn't have a hunch ♪
Except that John would blame me ♪
For the absence of our lunch
I knew I was in trouble and I felt a nervous chill ♪
And then I saw our picnic doing 90 up a hill ♪
Oh, we're the ants who took your baloney ♪
We're always very tedious and shrewd ♪
We'll steal the cheese off your macaroni ♪
'Cause if we get the chance
We will run off with your food ♪
(marching music)
♪
I hurried after a lightning footed snack ♪
I guess they saw me coming
'Cause they quickly doubled back ♪
I followed closely the smell of layer cake ♪
And found I took a shortcut that led right into the lake ♪
They thought that I'd surrendered ♪
Just as soon as I get dry
But I caught the scent of John's banana pudding pie ♪
I thought I saw them hiding right behind a bunch of trees ♪
But found instead I dove into a hive of honeybees ♪
Oh, we're the ants who'll leave you starving ♪
We clean you out no matter when or how ♪
When we're around, don't bother carving ♪
Because if we get the chance, we will take away your chow ♪
(marching music)
I could just imagine what John was gonna say ♪
You promised not to eat the food while we were both away ♪
He wouldn't understand I had attempted to give chase ♪
I tried to find their secret stolen picnic hiding place ♪
(chase music)
♪
I only found an empty basket underneath a shrub ♪
But maybe I could make like I was someone else's grub ♪
I did my best to sound just like a BLT on rye ♪
And pretty soon they heard it and the ants came running by ♪
Oh, we're the ants who'll leave you hollow ♪
We're on call each day and every night ♪
When we're around you, don't care to swallow ♪
'Cause if we get the chance, we will not leave you a bite ♪
(marching music)
♪
I thought they'd fallen for my inventive scheme ♪
Instead they took the basket
And they threw it in the stream ♪
(frantic music)
♪
♪
I zoomed along the river like the Wabash Cannonball ♪
The river, I am sad to say, contained a waterfall ♪
I sputtered and I struggled and I very nearly drowned ♪
It took a lot of swimming but I made it to the ground ♪
I staggered for our camp ground ♪
Which was somewhere to the east ♪
The ants all celebrated by enjoying quite a feast ♪
Oh, we're the ants who make you diet ♪
You may think you can eat your lunch this swift ♪
When we're around, don't even try it. ♪
Because if we get the chance, we will mop up every bit ♪
(marching music)
When I got back, John had finished up his jog ♪
He came back to the campsite with the dumb and hungry dog ♪
I had a real craving for some sandwiches and pie ♪
The lack of any lunch around did not escape my eye ♪
He said a lot of angry things it's best I don't repeat ♪
I tried to tell him about the ants who took away our meat ♪
I said I thought his story sounded absolutely fake ♪
The ants came to my rescue and they threw him in the lake ♪
Oh, we're the ants who took your salad ♪
We didn't even leave an IOU
When we're around, your plans are invalid ♪
Because if we get the chance, we will gobble up your stew ♪
(marching music)
♪
(sad harmonica playing)
So there we were, many miles from a store ♪
Our stomachs all were empty as we stood there by the shore ♪
I said we should head home for whatever we could find ♪
The cat said we should go ahead,
but he would stay behind ♪
I went to see the insects for a favor they could grant ♪
And asked them to accept me as an honorary ant ♪
I knew John wouldn't understand
and neither would the pup ♪
If you can't beat an enemy, consider joining up ♪
Oh, we're the ants who ruin your dinner ♪
We're always here to mess up any day ♪
When we're around, every camper gets thinner ♪
'Cause if we get the chance, we will take your food away ♪
- That's the second biggest ant I ever saw.
Oh, we're the ants who ruin your dinner ♪
We're always here to mess up any day ♪
When we're around, every camper gets thinner ♪
'Cause if we get the chance, we will take your food away ♪
(marching music)
(upbeat theme music)
♪