Gossip Girl s05e13 Episode Script

Gossip Girl here-- Your own and only source into the scandalous lives of Manhattan's elite.
Don't have to keep up the charade with Humphrey for me any longer.
Louis and I are in a good place now.
She wants us to stay together until the wedding so Louis doesn't suspect anything.
You're the one.
I never wanna leave.
Oh, my God! Let him live.
I promise I'll keep my vow to marry Louis.
You can't base the rest of your life on one desperate moment.
I'm just cut out of your life without any explanation? My new wedding date is in less than a month.
I have to keep my priorities in order.
We were your priority.
What happened, Blair? My dreams at night may not be about the man I'm going to marry.
I'm growing weak.
I'm afraid I might break.
I know what is in Blair Waldorf's heart, and if you don't want this wedding to happen, together we can make sure it doesn't.
Wakey-wakey Upper-East-Siders, Gossip Girl here.
your one and only source into the scandalous lives of Manhattan's elite.
It seems like today is a big day for everyone, but none so much as me.
Miss Serena, it's finally here.
Can you believe? So exciting.
I smile and cry at same time all morning, and not even wedding yet.
Where's Blair? She went to final fitting.
Everyone else is coming here-- including Mr.
Lonely Boy-- for breakfast buffet.
Get dressed and eat something.
You need strength today.
Once upon a time, Princess B.
was a virgin queen, and her king was named Archibald.
Who would've thought in just five short years, she could turn that headband into a tiara for real? I myself have come a long way, too.
But if you think I've spent all my recent downtime reflecting on who I am and what I've done in those same five years, let me assure you, that couldn't be further from the truth.
I was just planning my comeback.
So if I were you, I'd watch this space, because the new Gossip Girl is coming.
And what will my first post be? All I can say is you should probably pray I won't be writing about you.
You'd think I wouldn't still have to do this sort of thing, but labels don't even have interns anymore.
I'm heading down to the East Village before the wedding to put some of these up.
Oh, those are, uh, good luck, by the way.
I wore them at my wedding.
I'm not sure what I'd need luck for, as I'm not the one getting married, but thank you.
Well, you're in the wedding party.
That's close enough.
What-- Why are you in the wedding party again? I did a favor for Louis last week, so he asked me.
I figured it's better than sitting alone in a pew, right? Oh, so no date tonight, or does the charade continue? Once Blair and Louis say "I do," then Serena and I can say "we don't" anymore and go back to being just friends.
No, but at the very least, this whole thing is probably a distraction from any "Graduate" thoughts you might have.
Well, with Blair? No, any--any thoughts of her running off with me are-- are long gone.
If anyone's in danger of pulling a Braddock, it's not me.
It's Oh, I'm sorry, Father.
I don't play those sort of games anymore.
You'll need this to get past security today at the church.
Shall we go over the plan again? Please.
Father Smythe's afternoon tea will be supplemented with sleeping pills instead of his usual sweetener.
When he is unable to perform the ceremony, her serene highness will have no choice but to ask me to step in.
During the service when I ask if anyone has any objections, that's where you come in.
And tell the world that only last week, I'd overheard her tell you she's still in love with me.
Voila.
In one fell swoop, you'll have saved Blair from a loveless future, and I will have saved Monaco from a thankless princess.
It is, as you people say, a win/win.
Are you prepared? More than you know.
Water? Merci.
Oh, Serena.
I am so nervous.
Can you believe it? She's marrying me.
I'm the luckiest man in the world.
Don't worry, Miss Serena.
You find someone who loves you that way, too.
Thank you for indulging on this one more time.
I just wanna make sure I know all the steps.
Is everything okay? You look Surprised that we made it to this day? I am.
I was certain that your bride-to-be would humiliate our family in some way.
Well You don't have to worry anymore, because the brand-new positive image of the Monegasque Royal Family is intact.
And Blair is transformed into the most advantageous partner.
The press took to her in the wake of the unfortunate incident.
I couldn't have hoped for a more perfect arrangement.
I can't believe you're talking this way on the day of my wedding.
My relationship with Blair is not a business deal.
But all relationships are business.
Sometimes you are lucky, you have love as a bonus.
Let us hope that you stay lucky.
I can't stop the feeing that I've forgotten something.
I've been over everything: The photographer, the caterer, the programs, all fine.
I just cannot put my finger on it.
Well, I'm sure it's all right.
I mean, you never forget anything.
It's one of your best, uh, and worst qualities.
As you know, the mother and father of the bride will share a dance this evening.
Oh, well, the father of the bride is right over there.
Oh.
Well, we're set then? It's been a long time since we've danced.
I'm game if you are, as long as you don't show me up like you did the last time.
Serena, uh, Louis' best man's flight has been delayed from Rome.
Would you like to just choose another partner from the present groomsmen just in case, or shall I just appoint one for you? I've got this one covered.
- Dan Humphrey, my hero.
- Wonderful.
Thank you.
Wow, the Dan I knew five years ago could barely box step, and now you're volunteering to dance? Well, I've gotten much better.
I had to, after I met you.
You wouldn't have kept a partner with two left feet around for very long.
Well, I liked your left feet.
Well, don't worry.
Once I put my dress shoes on, I'm sure I'll still step all over you.
Hey, she's here: The princess bride.
Oh, you're back early.
Well, there are several matters to attend to.
Uh, first off, CNN is asking if you privately wish to be called "princess" or "Mrs.
Grimaldi.
" I'm sorry.
I just, uh, need my best friend for a moment.
Go right ahead, Mrs.
Grimaldi.
"Mrs.
Grimaldi"? What is going on? Is this happening? Well, it better be.
Otherwise, all those commemorative plates are for nothing.
Oh, God.
I'm gonna be married.
It's gonna be okay.
It's gonna be more than okay.
It's gonna be the best day of your life.
Are you sure nothing's gonna ruin it? Of course not.
What could? "A True American Princess"? "The Next Diana"? Don't these people do their research anymore? Maybe they just don't know her like you do.
Or they've conveniently forgotten.
Well, I haven't.
That bitch got me remanded to rehab, banished from Bible camp, and abandoned in Belarus, all for her own enjoyment.
If this is supposed to be her happiest day, then I can't wait to rain all over her parade.
I know you're capable of many things, but how do you expect to get into the wedding of the century? By joining forces with the century's biggest wedding crasher.
I thought you were getting changed.
I did.
But the surplice? Ohh! Oh, no.
I'm sorry.
I feel sick.
May I use your restroom? No, you may not, but you better find one you can and stay close to it for the rest of the day.
You may have a touch of food poisoning.
What did you do? Well, I'm just guessing But it's possible the water I've been continuously pouring for you all morning came from the tap at a Bass Resort bathroom in Mexico.
You see, I can't allow you to destroy Blair's wedding.
You think because I love her, I want her all to myself, but I'm not that man anymore.
I just want her to be happy.
And if marrying Louis will do that for her, then that's what's going to happen.
I hope you can find a public restroom soon-- one where the line isn't too long.
Shh! Bless us, Father.
I have a feeling we're about to sin.
These black market babies got me through my morning sickness.
Just don't take them with vodka.
Learned the hard way.
Thank you.
Now who are you again? The answer to your prayers.
From what I overheard, we both wanna take out the same wedding, which makes us kindred spirits, and now that you're down for the count, I'm more than happy to pick up where you left off.
And why should I trust you? Because clearly you need an expert.
You were trying to go after Blair.
She's not the weak link.
It's always the man.
And if you hand me that costume you're holding, I'll prove it to you.
How can you be so sure you can pull this off? Jesus owes me one.
Isn't the, uh, reception at the St.
Regis? Yeah, I'm clearing the rehearsal breakfast.
Isn't the wedding hours away? Yeah.
I'm waiting on a friend.
He's inside.
He's a groomsman.
I'm, uh-- Nate Archibald.
Yeah.
I worked your office Christmas party, remember? Ow.
Wow, we must have just missed each other.
The place was so crowded in there, you know? You signed my invoice at the end of the night.
Well, I was really drunk by the end of the night.
And the day before, when we met to create the inventory list.
Oh.
I'm sorry.
I meet a lot of people-- It's okay.
You know, I can't really expect someone like you to remember someone like me, right? If you'll excuse me Who was that? Someone I should have remembered.
Maybe that's my issue-- Paying too much attention to the wrong girls and not enough to the right ones.
Well, if we're listing your issues, I'm not sure I'd start with that one.
I mean, here I am, solo at the wedding of the girl I spent half my life assuming I'd marry, and why? Because yet another one of my relationships turned out to be based on lies.
Well, they haven't all been like that.
Maybe I should just admit that there's no such thing as an honest relationship and stop looking.
Now that's crazy.
Of course there is.
Hey, you know the world is really a mess when the most honest person we know is Chuck Bass.
How'd that happen? Well, however it happened, that's what I wanted to talk to you about.
We have to make sure that today is the one day - he's not planning on honesty.
- Hey, I was thinking the same thing.
In just three hours, everything is going to change.
Well, not that much.
I mean, you were already royalty, even if you titled yourself, and your kingdom was the steps to a museum, but now you have an entire country to rule because you're gonna be a real life princess.
How does it feel to have everything you ever wanted? You tell me.
I saw you with Humphrey this morning.
So that fake connection sparked a real one? Not exactly.
Serena Van Der Woodsen, you didn't tell him I said you could stop pretending? I just thought, what's the harm in waiting till the wedding? The harm is that you are falling further while he has little to no clue.
No one is falling anywhere.
I saw how you were looking at him this morning.
Back in high school, he always had the same look in his eyes whenever you would walk by, like he was starving, and you were a tasting menu.
Oh, please.
Just tell him already, before you mess everything up like you did last year when you pretended there was a choice to be made.
When even Gossip Girl knew there wasn't.
Don't let the fear of how he's going to respond hold you back.
At the very least, say it loud and be done with it.
- May we come in? - Yes.
Oh.
I know I said once that you would never be as pretty as when you're young But you get prettier every day.
Oh, sweetie.
What is it? What's-- What's wrong? I don't know why I'm being like this.
- It is just nerves.
- Yeah.
No, I-I-I I can't breathe.
This dress is cutting off my circulation.
Maybe I should just take it off for a minute.
Yes, I'll take it off for a minute.
Everything will be okay.
Get it off! No, no, sweetie.
You just need to breathe.
You just need to breathe and-- and have a drink of water and get some air.
- I'll get the water.
- I'll open a window.
It's going to be fine.
Come here.
You look so beautiful.
She is a nervous wreck.
Well, come on.
What bride isn't on her wedding day? - I wasn't.
- Yes, you were.
The quartet had to stall for 20 minutes until her Xanax kicked in.
I have to run a last minute errand.
Could you keep Blair comfortable and calm until I get back? - Of course.
- Sure.
Thanks, sweetie.
Are you coming? No, you're her father.
You should go.
Milo? With the nanny like you asked.
Good.
Then let's get cracking.
Nathaniel.
- Didn't see you this morning.
- I slept in.
Right.
Well, uh You have any plans today? Why don't we do you a favor and skip your ellipses? Monkey and I have a lovely day planned far from the Upper East Side.
The only person you have to worry about stopping Blair's wedding is most likely standing right next to you.
- Hello, Humphrey.
- Chuck.
Hey, man, I'm sorry.
I just thought I'd, uh, you know I know what you thought, and you don't need to anymore.
If I'd been meant to stop the wedding, there would have been some sort of sign.
I have to go.
- Mrs.
Waldorf, what are you-- - Am I doing here? I've been asking myself the same question the whole ride over.
Can I have something to drink? Of course.
Sparkling or still? Scotch.
Ahh.
It's my daughter's wedding day.
Everything should be perfect.
Hell, everything is, but that doesn't mean it's right.
When I married Harold, I was so nervous.
I knew something was wrong, but I didn't know what.
But when I married Cyrus, I was very calm.
It was like everything was falling into place.
I don't want my daughter to have to wait for a second chance to be happy.
She should be happy the first time around.
Wh-what are you saying? All day long, I've had this feeling that I had forgotten something, and then I realized what it was.
You.
So are you coming to stop this thing or at? Oh, look at that hat.
Look at all of it-- The flowers, the press, the people, the sheer enormity of it.
We must not really be married if this is what a wedding is supposed to be like.
Of course we're married.
Remember the park? Darling Scott, Sonic Youth? Georgina? Oh, yes, and that.
I'm trying to forget that part.
Oh, let's find our seats.
Why'd you need this? What's the point of doing something scandalous if you don't record it? There's gonna be a scandal? After I seduce Prince Louis and Blair catches us, there will be.
Even if she knows I set this all up just to mess with her, once we upload that video to "Gossip Girl," she'll have to postpone the wedding just to save face And that weird priest will take over from there.
Th-there he is.
Get behind that screen and hit "record.
" Come in.
Oh.
Hello.
Uh, would you please tell the groom that, um His sister Beatrice is waiting in his chambers to see him.
Oh, and in ten minutes, tell the bride the same thing.
Make that five.
I had it changed so you and Serena can walk down the aisle together.
Much more romantic.
Oh, right.
Yeah, sure.
Thanks.
You don't have to keep pretending.
Blair told me everything.
Wh-- what, she did? Yes, and I'm delighted your feelings have become real.
Okay, anyway, uh, thank you both from the bottom of my heart for covering for Blair's conversion lessons.
You really are her best friends, which makes you mine, too.
Excuse me.
Um, apparently, my sister made a surprise reappearance.
Sure.
- Prince Louis, I had to see you.
- Oh, I bet you did.
When Rufus said he thought he saw you, I knew it must be true.
- Crashing one wedding wasn't enough for you? - I didn't crash.
I was invited.
My invitation just got lost in the mail.
I do live in Brooklyn now, after all.
I mean, it's practically the Falklands.
Well, it's time for you to go.
We've already alerted security, and I am glad I'm the one to throw you out myself.
Now get your clothes on.
We'll be waiting just outside.
I'm sorry, babe.
Oh, we are so not done.
I'll think of something.
How? They're on the other side of that door.
That one, yes, but not that one.
You should, like, totally donate that dress to the Smithsonian.
Out.
Out, everybody, out, out.
Mother, where have you been? Everyone's been looking for you.
Don't be angry with me.
Angry with you? I'll just leave the two of you alone.
What are you doing here? Trust me, the last thing I wanted to do was show up today, but even your own mother seems to think we need to talk.
- Well, what I need is for you to-- - Don't marry him.
Chuck.
Don't marry him.
All those people out there are waiting for me.
Yes, they are, but they also want you to be happy, which you're not going to be if you go through with this.
Tell me I'm wrong, and I'll leave.
You can't, because it should be us up there, and you know it.
It isn't that simple.
It's only that simple.
You told me you loved me.
I know it was true.
It is.
Of course I love you, Chuck.
I've always loved you.
I love you more and more every day, if it's even possible to love someone that much.
Then get out of here with me right now.
We can go anywhere, just as long as we're together.
I know you can't understand, and I don't expect you to.
But even if I weren't with Louis I couldn't be with you.
Just know that not living with you is the hardest thing I've ever done, but at least I have someone who loves me by my side.
You should find someone who loves you, too.
I have.
She's standing right in front of me.
I know it sounds crazy, but I really am doing this for you.
Hey, B.
, the photographer's ready.
It's okay, S.
Chuck was just coming to give me his blessing.
Right? Come on.
That was so touching, really.
If I ever cried, I'd be moved to tears.
The best part is, I got it all for posterity.
Now I can't help but wonder what would Louis think if he heard how Blair felt about you? Oh, good.
We found you.
Don't worry.
I was just leaving.
I just needed to leave my gift first.
Bye.
What is going on? It's time.
B.
, are you sure you feel right about all this? Because I am totally prepared to make a run for it with you if that's what you want.
I've made peace with my decision, and so should everyone else.
- Okay, if that's how you really feel.
- It is.
I know you think you can't be with Chuck because of the pact you made with God, but maybe the pact is just an excuse you're using to protect yourself from-- from the messiness and uncertainty of a life with the man you really love.
I'll grow into loving Louis.
I'm sure of it.
And he'll never hurt me.
He won't have to.
You're hurting yourself enough by marrying him.
B.
, no matter what's happened between you and Chuck, the two of you have always been connected.
Everything that you've gone through keeps leading you back to each other, just like it does Dan and me, and I know that it scares you and I know that it's a risk, but don't enter into a false life just because you're afraid to face your real one.
I am--I'm so sorry.
I don't know what I was thinking.
No, it's okay.
I understand why you brought Chuck.
But despite everyone's protestations, I'm going through with this.
Serena Will you please tell everyone I'm ready to begin? Chuck, wait.
Don't worry.
I'm leaving.
No, that's not what I was gonna say.
You need to know something-- something that if Blair knew I was telling you, she'd probably never speak to me again.
Listen, I don't want to alarm anyone, - but there's been an emergency.
- What? - Yeah.
Blair needs you right away.
- Of course.
I'm all hers.
- Come this way, please.
- Oh, sure.
- Right this way.
- Yeah.
Excuse me.
Blair, my little turtle dove, what's the emergency? I need another escort.
What? Did something happen? Are you hurt? No, no.
In fact, I feel perfect.
Well, what's going on? You have an escort, Blair-- your father.
Oh, Cyrus.
One father is not enough.
I need both of you to walk me down the aisle.
Ohh.
All right.
All right.
Beautiful.
Since we have a moment alone, would you mind telling me why everyone seems to think we aren't fake dating except me? I think I may have just done something really bad.
What'd you do? She's beautiful.
Dearly beloved, we are gathered in the sight of God and in the face of this congregation to join together this man and this woman in holy matrimony, which is commended in holy writ to be honorable among all men.
If any man can show any just cause why these two may not lawfully be joined together, let him now speak, or else hereafter forever hold his peace.
If no one else is going to say it, I guess I have to.
The person who should be objecting isn't Chuck bass but the bride herself.
Don't believe me? Watch this.
Of course I love you, Chuck.
I've always loved you.
I love you more and more every day if it's even possible to love someone that much.
Told you my first post was worth waiting for.
Now what will my next one be? I can't believe you did this.
Good, because I didn't do it.
You really expect me to buy that? It doesn't matter anymore.
Gossip Girl just showed everyone the truth.
It's all out.
The only part she didn't tell is this crazy idea that if you and I got together, something terrible would happen to me.
That's right.
Serena told me about the pact.
She, like me, cares about you and your future.
It's not my future I'm worried about.
Blair, you can't honestly believe-- What?! Can't honestly believe that you were dead? Because you were, and you weren't coming back.
The only thing I knew I could do in that moment was to find a way to try and save your life, whatever it took.
Even though I knew that once I did, you would never stop trying to ruin mine.
So The truth is out.
But that doesn't mean I'm going anywhere with you.
Louis What happened out there is awful.
But the part you didn't hear was that I chose you.
And I know this is humiliating, but if you wanna stay with me and go through with this, then I promise I will never humiliate you again.
Excuse me, Your Highness.
Your mother's requesting a word.
Georgina.
Oh.
You caught me.
I'm so scared.
What'd you do? I didn't do anything.
Oh, you expect us to believe you're just an innocent bystander? I never said I was innocent.
I just like to watch.
And while I love our annual showdowns as much as anybody, if you're looking for someone to blame for what just happened, you've got the wrong girl.
Come on, Georgina.
Sure, I made the video Gossip Girl played, but I didn't send it in.
I left my camera with Chuck, thinking he'd show the prince, and they'd have a duel at dawn for what's left of Blair's virtue, or maybe it's royal fisticuffs, whatever those are.
Chuck was in the back of the church.
If he wanted to say something, he had his chance.
It's not like him to hide behind Gossip Girl.
No, it isn't, is it? Maybe you should ask yourselves which one of you had the most to gain from sending that video in.
I know from experience it's never who you'd think, so that rules out Chuck.
Maybe it was you, wanting to help his best friend get his girl back.
Or maybe it was you, wanting to make sure your best friend didn't make a huge mistake.
Or better still, how about you? Sending in that video would ruin both the wedding in Chuck and Blair's eyes, which is exactly what you want, since anybody with a pulse can see you're madly in love with her.
Oh, except for you.
Anyway, whoever it was, the wedding's over now.
See you at the next shindig.
Ta-ta.
Serena, Dan, we need you right away.
I am sorry for the outburst.
It won't happen again.
Now if we can continue This time, after where you left off.
Where you been all night, huh? Oh, royal groomsmen duties are vast.
Who knew? Did you talk to Chuck? No, I haven't even called.
I can't believe he did that.
I mean, after everything that happened last year, you would have thought he changed, - but I guess he hasn't.
- Yeah.
Hey.
What are you guys talking about? Oh, you know, just how love makes people do crazy things.
However poorly timed and inappropriate, what Chuck did was a grand gesture.
Maybe if I'd done one of those for the people I've cared about in my life, I wouldn't be at this wedding alone.
Excuse me for a second.
About before Oh, you mean what Georgina said? No, forget that.
She's-- She's crazy.
No, no, I owe you an explanation.
Oh.
All right, go ahead.
I'm sorry I lied and-- and made you carry on our-- whatever it was-- longer than we had to.
You're sorry? Is that it? I mean, how about why you did it? Was it for publicity for your column, or did you just want, like, a date to your best friend's wedding? I can't figure it out.
That's because I haven't been honest with you.
And Nate was right about grand gestures.
We all need to make them in our lives, so here's mine.
I love you, Dan Humphrey.
Always have, always will.
Serena No, you don't have to respond right now.
I have some maid of honor things to do before Blair and Louis leave.
But I really hope we can talk later.
Lola.
You're an actress in your second year at Juilliard.
You're from Miami.
You work these jobs to pay for school because your mother doesn't support you, and everyone talked about how great the office party was for weeks after, so thank you.
You're welcome.
And, uh I'm impressed.
Well, maybe I'm not the kind of person you thought I was after all.
Oh, no, you probably still are, but for the first time, I'm actually a little interested in finding out.
Ladies and gentlemen, please direct your attention to where prince Louis Frederic Grimaldi and princess Blair Cornelia Waldorf Grimaldi will be sharing their last dance before departing on their honeymoon.
Oh, my God.
Princess Blair.
That's the first time I've heard it.
And? Thank you for giving me another chance.
Oh, Louis, the champagne hasn't gone to my head.
I'm too high for it to reach me.
We've made it, finally.
So we did.
What is it, mon cher? Did I miss a step? I promised my mother I'd wait until we were on the plane, but I can't any longer.
Wait for what? Today with the eyes of the world on us, I had no choice but to stand by your side after your public apology.
But that was it.
From this moment forward, there is nothing between us but a contract.
Our marriage is all for show.
And you're going to put on the best damn show anyone ever has.
Oh, my God.
You'll smile for cameras, stand by my side, and wave like-- like you don't have a care in the world.
But when we are alone, we'll be like strangers to one another, and it will stay that way until I say it's over.
But what about everything we've been through? All those beautiful vows you said in front of God and everyone? Those can't just have stopped being true.
I didn't write them.
Dan did.
And now they mean nothing to me.
But why? Why would you wanna be married to someone you don't love? My mother told me love had nothing to do with marriage.
Now I know she was right.
Smile.
Smile for the photographers.
Weddings mark one of the largest transitions you can make in your life.
They are a new beginning, the next step in a person's evolution.
But evolving is a tricky thing.
You can't change without changing the world around you.
It's me.
I made a horrible mistake and I don't know what to do.
Help me.
Please.
And not everyone might see your transformation the same way you do.
Arthur, bring the car around.
We need to get to the St.
Regis fast.
But if you can make it through and truly be reborn, then maybe so can I.
Hey, have you seen Dan? The coordinator wants photos of us dancing.
Yeah, I just saw him a few minutes ago.
Hey, maybe check the other rooms.
Okay.
So beginning today, the past is just a prologue.
It all starts from here.
Chuck, what are you doing here? - If anyone sees you - I need to apologize to Blair.
Where is she? This was the only car with the keys in it.
That's fine.
Just go.
Oh, and if you're wondering who caught the bouquet I'll never tell.
You know you love me.
X.
O.
X.
O.
Gossip Girl.