Reno 911! (2003) s05e13 Episode Script
Wiegel's Dad Returns
Morning, children.
I'm James Garcia Of the Reno sheriff's department.
Today we're going to talk about a very serious subject Called drinking and driving.
If you drink-"d," and you drive-"d," You will "d"- die.
Ok? And today, I want you to look at death in the face, And I want you to look hard.
Boo! Ha ha! Aah! Jesus Christ! What the fuck, lady? Y'all act like you ain't seen a light-skinned black man before, ok.
Sheriff's department, freeze! Get on the ground! [gunfire.]
[shouts indistinctly.]
Oh! What? What? [all screaming.]
all right.
[grunting.]
[indistinct shouting and chatter.]
Hell, no, we won't blow! [siren blaring.]
yeah! He's my friend? Oh, no, no- [grunts.]
Right on the ground.
Put it right on the ground.
Aah! mtv networks Well, somebody is not flushing the toilet in the men's bathroom.
Why are you in the men's bathroom? I had to pee real bad.
Dangle: Can I help you? [speaks native language.]
Um I am two wolves.
Who is chief among you? I'm not chief yet, but one day maybe hopefully so, yes.
I have come to find my daughter.
She is here among the warriors.
Dangle: Your daughter works at the Reno sheriff's department? I will know my daughter by a sign, A sign told to me by the great spirit.
What is that sign? No.
That's-I- I got a condition.
No, you do not bear the mark.
You are not the daughter of two wolves.
You are not cologia.
Ok, sir, when you come down off your acid trip, If your daughter turns up, I promise you we will- We will send up a smoke signal And we'll find you as soon as possible, ok? You should be more sensitive to cultural differences.
Huh? Daddy? Come here.
Oh, my daddy! Dangle: Uh, deputies to the watch, deputies to the watch.
Two wolves: My daughter.
I recognize you from your mug shot.
Oh, oh, get down! [all screaming.]
Wait! This is Trudy's daddy! Oh You raped her mom in Minnesota.
Allegedly.
Hi.
Allegedly raped.
Allegedly.
Two wolves has come to find you to be with you To make up for the many years that we have lost.
What do you mean by "be with me"? Two wolves- I will live with you.
We will live together as a family.
That is what is right.
Ok, we'll talk about it.
That's a much bigger conversation.
What kind of house do you have? A very small one.
Take a personal, take the entire day.
Take a personal- take the day off? You two should have lunch, Get to know each other.
Yes.
Take the day.
Ok.
[giggles.]
Trudy: I can't believe it.
I could've sworn that, uh, her dad died in prison.
Her dad did die in prison.
She told us that, didn't she? Yeah.
That's what she said.
Run a check.
Uh What is his- What do I look under? Two wolves.
Trudy: You guys Hey.
Hey! Hey, I thought that your dad- I know what you're probably all thinking.
Uh-huh.
That my dad died in prison.
Yeah.
Listen, I thought the same thing.
That's weird.
But remember, you know how I mix things up in my head- We never listen to anything you say.
That-that's probably for the best.
So the fact is- that's great.
It's great that he didn't die in prison.
It's congratulations.
Thank you.
for she's apparently an Indian All: for she's apparently an Indian Half-breed- for I'm a half-breed Indian the other half is probably german, but we're not sure I'll see you guys later.
God bless you.
Man: Check it out.
This is it, baby.
[laughing.]
What's the deal? What's so funny, mike? Do you see something different about my car, perhaps? That you- I have- That you actually have a car.
I have one.
Please follow me, why wouldn't you? [laughing.]
after years of living in squalid shit.
[continues laughing.]
There's my friend over here, Bubblin' up from the ground.
That's oil, boys! Both: No, no! Look at it, look at it! No, oh, my god.
You're going to get infected.
You're going to get infected.
Don't get in that.
I'm rich, fuckers! You are going to work for me.
Uh, mike, uh, I hate to break this to you, But that, uh, that's your septic tank.
A man strikes oil in his yard and it's- Oh! Now you're going- hey! Oh! [spits.]
all right, all right.
Oh, god, now you're going in.
Now you're going in.
That's your fault.
Mike: You're covered in about $1,000 of oil.
Garcia: No, you're covered in about $1,000 of fines And 1,000 hours of community service.
Check, check, check.
Operation anna and the king is in effect.
Uh, what we got in town is these Thai food delivery places.
Uh, what they do is they send over a little Thai girl.
Yeah, it's a prostitution ring cover.
It's horrible.
They have these little girls, They don't know what country they're in, Or the language or who they're blowing- They raise them-they raise them like sex veal.
Yeah.
Hello.
Yes.
Uh, I'm at the, uh, the Lazy Sierra Arms motel On, uh, exit 3.
[whispering.]
room 9.
Room 9.
I'd like, uh The daily special, extra spicy.
[whispering.]
extra spicy.
if I can wait that long.
Thank you.
All right.
Trap is set.
Trap is set, ok.
[exhales.]
Killing floor to eagle's lair, can you read me? Eagle's lair, I copy you, killing floor.
[knock on door.]
[sniffs.]
Hi, how are you? Here's your food.
Yeah, better now.
Thank you very much.
Well, I'm just in town for the, uh, hair convention.
And I got the room for the night.
Thought maybe I'd get me a little, uh, Pacific rim job.
Oh! Junior: You got a little time? Woman: What are you talk about? Uh, maybe, uh, take a little trip to Bangkok? And I ain't talkin' about the town.
Talkin' about my cock going bang.
Oh! Oh! Oh, ok.
Unh! Oh, my bad, I'm sorry.
She blowing him? He's getting blown? I told him not to get blown.
Huh! Ow! Ow.
Charley horse.
Whoops.
Oh.
Oh.
We missed so much together.
We did.
And I feel like it's my duty as a daughter To fill you in.
I don't know if you totally remember, But right when I was born, I had that thing That they thought might've just been a growth.
They weren't sure what it was.
Turns out it was a tail.
Next thing you know, I get my braces put on my legs.
Now this, I find out later, come to find out, 'cause you know mom, she was a little - woohoo.
I come to find out later-the braces were optional.
But the helmet was not optional.
I was required medically to wear the helmet.
I didn't wear it 'cause I felt like it made me look like a retard.
And so, um, that's when I realized, You know, that I had definitely, Without a doubt, hit puberty.
A little early, I guess, at 7, but nonetheless.
I- I'm sorry, I-I kind of blanked out for a moment.
You want to push me on the swing? I would love to, my daughter.
[giggles.]
Whoa.
Whoa! Ow! Wait a minute.
Stay there.
Ok.
Ok.
Hold on.
Dad, I need a little- yes, perfect.
A little help.
That is good.
Hola.
Yo soy el oficial Kimball.
Vender naranjas En las carreteras es peligroso y ilegal.
Si tiene naranjas para vende, Obtenga permiso y vendalas en un puesto de frutas.
No donde hay trÃÂáfico.
Gracias por su tiempo y atenciÃÂón a este anuncio.
Uh, so far, we've gotten a very wide selection Of the Thai food in the Washoe county area, Which ranges from, uh, edible to pretty darn good.
Uh, so far, no luck on the sting operation, But, uh- no rub and tug.
Tata again.
Yeah, extra spicy.
I like 'em spicy.
Uh I would say not extra large.
I would say, uh, small would be better.
Thank you.
All right, I can't wait till she gets here.
You go, you go.
No, you go.
You go! Aah! Should've gone.
Should've gone.
Junior: Oh, man.
Ah, should've gone.
I barely made that.
Ah That was a photo finish.
Sheriff's department.
Man: Hello, officers, thanks for coming.
Sure.
My son has run away from home.
Ok.
And I'd really like for you to go find him, Put him in that car, bring him back here, And put him in there, and I - 'cause I don't want him, you know, Running away again.
Ok.
Ok.
He's 18 Ok.
And he's got a swimmer's build.
Um, he's-he's really handsome.
Adorable, adorable kid.
He works out.
He's got a hard body.
Ok.
Very-sort of tight.
Like has a kind of- for his age, he's got like cast-iron pecs- Ok.
For an 18-year-old.
And he lives with you and he- Yeah-oh- oh, of course, yeah.
East, west, north, south? Heading- He's over at the pizza shack playing video games, I think.
Sir, if-if I didn't know any better, I'd just think that you'd want us to grab an 18-year-old And bring him back here so you can Yes.
That's absolutely what I want you to do.
Bring him back here so I can-mm-hmm.
[sighs.]
Two wolves is Too amazing.
[laughs.]
Uh, no, he, um I tell you what, it's the first time I've met an injun in person, And, uh You know what? It's like he's a Mexican, But cooler.
Mm-hmm.
Mm-hmm.
Like a Mexican with a-a secret.
Mm-hmm.
My dad is more amazing Than I ever Ever dreamt he could be.
Well, that's not entirely true.
Actually, one time I dreamt that he was made out of macaroni And he had vacuum cleaner arms.
That-that would be amazing.
But he's great.
He's great just the way he is.
Tag, you're it! [laughs.]
You can't get me! [squeals.]
[laughing and screaming.]
You can't get me! You can't get me! You're it.
Whee! Come on, you can do it.
Whee! Whee! Daddy's here.
Hold on a minute, let me get the camera.
Oh, this is good.
Oh, great.
It goes something like this.
Ok.
Oh, jeez, I haven't done this in years.
Yes, that is good! And hold like this? Like-just like this, yes.
Ow! Oh, god! Ow! Ok, whoo! Daddy's here.
I'm stuck a little.
That's it.
Oh, yes.
Just like that.
That's a game? Two wolves: Yes.
Let's do that again.
[whooping.]
This makes me feel funny on my front.
I bet it does.
Two wolves: Wanna try it again? Trudy: Ok.
I think we should go.
Oh, just too much tom yam.
[knock on door.]
Oh, my god, that's so hot.
[groans.]
Delivery.
Hi.
Hi.
How you doing? Good.
Nice room.
I'm going to choose my words very carefully.
I would like To pay you $40 for a hand job.
Aah! Unh! Ok.
Aah! Huh! Aah, all right, all right.
No, it's ok.
[both grunting.]
Travis, keep her talking, ok? I'm not-the eagle's lair's not ready to strike.
You-you suspect he's not a police officer? All right, well- ok, you know what? We're going to take care of it, all right? Man: All right, ladies.
Everything looks good around here.
Back to work.
Ah, gentlemen, gentlemen, officers.
Are you on the job? Thank you, ladies.
You may go back to work.
Thank you, ladies.
I think, uh- thank you.
We've all got everything settled here.
Huh? Everything's winding down.
Everything's under control.
I apologize if you got the call for some backup, But I got everything under control here.
Right.
'cause I'm-I'm over on the precinct, uh, on the east side of Nevada.
Oh, yeah? Uh, precinct, um Which one was that? Oh, uh, precinct 4.
Precinct Precinct 4.
Precinct 4.
Oh, yeah, you guys- We got to-we got to get a little, uh Little volleyball or a barbecue going- Precinct 4.
Between you, me, and your precinct.
And what are your shift hours over there At precinct 4? Hey, between- between you and me, It's like living there, right? Am I right? All right, well, I got this going, guys.
I got it.
No, the-the thing is, It-it's-obviously you're not a cop, ok? What-the-the hot toddy.
Give me this.
These buttons.
Give me this.
What? What did you say? Don't do this in front of them.
I just want to thank you guys for destroying The most amazing day of my life as a cop.
Ok.
Well Now I got to go return this.
Maybe you can dress up like a rodeo guy Or a fireman, have another amazing day.
Uh, no, they told me I can't come back To the firehouse and do that anymore.
Oh, son of a bitch.
Sorry.
Sorry.
Fair warning.
[both groan.]
[knock on door.]
[whispering.]
ok, here we go.
Ready to go? Can you move? Why don't you answer this one? I think I look a little bit like a cop, don't you? Come in.
Uh, you guys order some takeout? Oh Man, it smells like Thai farts in here.
Uh, I'll give you a blow job, But it's going to cost you extra.
No, no, sir You don't got-aah! Unh-ow! Fuck! Ah Ow.
I- I just feel like we should do A little bit of a background check.
Tru-Trudy might be grossly incompetent, mm.
She might have hydroencephalitis, mm.
Spina bifida.
Mm.
She might be, uh, slightly brain damaged And was born, uh, with the umbilical cord wrapped around her neck, So she has serious brain damage.
Yeah.
But she's one of ours And I think we owe it to her To do a background check on two wolves.
Yeah.
And we should.
Yeah.
Plus, I just don't like Indians.
I don't like Indians, either.
[rattling.]
[rattling continues.]
[drumming in background.]
[two wolves chanting.]
Hey, two wolves? How long does peyote usually last? I never saw anybody eat as much as you did, So I don't know.
Dangle: Bernadino, Terrence.
Uh, age 26.
Uh, 6 prior arrests And 6 convictions.
Uh, judge Ferdinand Dos Reyes has ordered you To undergo these 6 - month psychological evaluations for parole.
Uh, have you or have you not Committed a felony in the past 6 months? No.
What was with the pause? I thought you said "melody.
" "committed a melody in the past 6 months" Is what you thought I said? I've committed a melody.
What is the melody you've committed? do, do, fight the system don't let me back in the jail I'll kill you Um, do you sometimes fantasize that you are the angel of death? Yes.
Um Boy, that was a bad one.
That was a big one.
That was a big one.
That's one of the biggest ones.
Passed it.
Holla! You want a chance to answer that again? Yes.
Do you fantasize you're the angel of death? Yes.
Aah! What? We got to work on that.
Let's just say he passed.
Ok.
Terry- I passed gas.
Does that count? We don't-we don't have the bunk space, So I'm going to sign here.
I want your signature right there.
Oh, you really did.
That's your signature? Yes.
Junior: And then you need to initial down here.
I knew it! We have been sold a papoose of bull poop.
Jon Littlefeather, Trudy's real father, Died in prison Two Wolves is not her father.
No deal.
[both panting.]
Car's here.
Trudy! Trudy! Trudy: Yeah? Do it, do it, do it now! Ow! Dangle: Trudy! Trudy: I'm in here! Trudy! I'm in here.
Trudy, listen to me very carefully.
Your father died in prison 10 years ago.
Two wolves is not your father.
I know that.
He was just about to give me a bubble bath.
Hey, guys.
What's going on? Hey, daddy.
Let's play that great game that we invented.
Yes, honey.
I'll be right in.
pop, pop the bubbles 1, 2, 3 what do we see? it's a boobie! Bye.
a boobie, a boobie staring at me under the bubbles pop, pop, pop pop, pop, pop 1, 2, 3 mwah, mwah, mwah I think my peyote's still going.
Is yours? Not-oh, yeah.
I'm still-I'm still- I got a little bit of trails.
Oh, I'm totally still going.
Yeah, I'm still really- I'm really going.
I wasn't until you said that.
I'm going to sit down.
I'm never doing peyote ever again.
Ever.
Ever.
I'm starting to freak out.
I feel like if people walk by And they see 2 cops sitting here like this, They're going to know we're on peyote.
You want to walk to Vegas? I would.
Yeah, good walk to Vegas.
I'll feel fine.
Yeah.
Then I'll be feeling fine 'cause then I'll be awake And I won't be high anymore.
I won't be high anymore.
[sighs.]
mtv networks Captioned by the national captioning Oh Aah! Oh, god, mailbox.
Mailbox.
Thought it was someone else.
I thought it was like a skeleton or something weird.
Don't look at these trees.
These trees are really, really- oh shit!
I'm James Garcia Of the Reno sheriff's department.
Today we're going to talk about a very serious subject Called drinking and driving.
If you drink-"d," and you drive-"d," You will "d"- die.
Ok? And today, I want you to look at death in the face, And I want you to look hard.
Boo! Ha ha! Aah! Jesus Christ! What the fuck, lady? Y'all act like you ain't seen a light-skinned black man before, ok.
Sheriff's department, freeze! Get on the ground! [gunfire.]
[shouts indistinctly.]
Oh! What? What? [all screaming.]
all right.
[grunting.]
[indistinct shouting and chatter.]
Hell, no, we won't blow! [siren blaring.]
yeah! He's my friend? Oh, no, no- [grunts.]
Right on the ground.
Put it right on the ground.
Aah! mtv networks Well, somebody is not flushing the toilet in the men's bathroom.
Why are you in the men's bathroom? I had to pee real bad.
Dangle: Can I help you? [speaks native language.]
Um I am two wolves.
Who is chief among you? I'm not chief yet, but one day maybe hopefully so, yes.
I have come to find my daughter.
She is here among the warriors.
Dangle: Your daughter works at the Reno sheriff's department? I will know my daughter by a sign, A sign told to me by the great spirit.
What is that sign? No.
That's-I- I got a condition.
No, you do not bear the mark.
You are not the daughter of two wolves.
You are not cologia.
Ok, sir, when you come down off your acid trip, If your daughter turns up, I promise you we will- We will send up a smoke signal And we'll find you as soon as possible, ok? You should be more sensitive to cultural differences.
Huh? Daddy? Come here.
Oh, my daddy! Dangle: Uh, deputies to the watch, deputies to the watch.
Two wolves: My daughter.
I recognize you from your mug shot.
Oh, oh, get down! [all screaming.]
Wait! This is Trudy's daddy! Oh You raped her mom in Minnesota.
Allegedly.
Hi.
Allegedly raped.
Allegedly.
Two wolves has come to find you to be with you To make up for the many years that we have lost.
What do you mean by "be with me"? Two wolves- I will live with you.
We will live together as a family.
That is what is right.
Ok, we'll talk about it.
That's a much bigger conversation.
What kind of house do you have? A very small one.
Take a personal, take the entire day.
Take a personal- take the day off? You two should have lunch, Get to know each other.
Yes.
Take the day.
Ok.
[giggles.]
Trudy: I can't believe it.
I could've sworn that, uh, her dad died in prison.
Her dad did die in prison.
She told us that, didn't she? Yeah.
That's what she said.
Run a check.
Uh What is his- What do I look under? Two wolves.
Trudy: You guys Hey.
Hey! Hey, I thought that your dad- I know what you're probably all thinking.
Uh-huh.
That my dad died in prison.
Yeah.
Listen, I thought the same thing.
That's weird.
But remember, you know how I mix things up in my head- We never listen to anything you say.
That-that's probably for the best.
So the fact is- that's great.
It's great that he didn't die in prison.
It's congratulations.
Thank you.
for she's apparently an Indian All: for she's apparently an Indian Half-breed- for I'm a half-breed Indian the other half is probably german, but we're not sure I'll see you guys later.
God bless you.
Man: Check it out.
This is it, baby.
[laughing.]
What's the deal? What's so funny, mike? Do you see something different about my car, perhaps? That you- I have- That you actually have a car.
I have one.
Please follow me, why wouldn't you? [laughing.]
after years of living in squalid shit.
[continues laughing.]
There's my friend over here, Bubblin' up from the ground.
That's oil, boys! Both: No, no! Look at it, look at it! No, oh, my god.
You're going to get infected.
You're going to get infected.
Don't get in that.
I'm rich, fuckers! You are going to work for me.
Uh, mike, uh, I hate to break this to you, But that, uh, that's your septic tank.
A man strikes oil in his yard and it's- Oh! Now you're going- hey! Oh! [spits.]
all right, all right.
Oh, god, now you're going in.
Now you're going in.
That's your fault.
Mike: You're covered in about $1,000 of oil.
Garcia: No, you're covered in about $1,000 of fines And 1,000 hours of community service.
Check, check, check.
Operation anna and the king is in effect.
Uh, what we got in town is these Thai food delivery places.
Uh, what they do is they send over a little Thai girl.
Yeah, it's a prostitution ring cover.
It's horrible.
They have these little girls, They don't know what country they're in, Or the language or who they're blowing- They raise them-they raise them like sex veal.
Yeah.
Hello.
Yes.
Uh, I'm at the, uh, the Lazy Sierra Arms motel On, uh, exit 3.
[whispering.]
room 9.
Room 9.
I'd like, uh The daily special, extra spicy.
[whispering.]
extra spicy.
if I can wait that long.
Thank you.
All right.
Trap is set.
Trap is set, ok.
[exhales.]
Killing floor to eagle's lair, can you read me? Eagle's lair, I copy you, killing floor.
[knock on door.]
[sniffs.]
Hi, how are you? Here's your food.
Yeah, better now.
Thank you very much.
Well, I'm just in town for the, uh, hair convention.
And I got the room for the night.
Thought maybe I'd get me a little, uh, Pacific rim job.
Oh! Junior: You got a little time? Woman: What are you talk about? Uh, maybe, uh, take a little trip to Bangkok? And I ain't talkin' about the town.
Talkin' about my cock going bang.
Oh! Oh! Oh, ok.
Unh! Oh, my bad, I'm sorry.
She blowing him? He's getting blown? I told him not to get blown.
Huh! Ow! Ow.
Charley horse.
Whoops.
Oh.
Oh.
We missed so much together.
We did.
And I feel like it's my duty as a daughter To fill you in.
I don't know if you totally remember, But right when I was born, I had that thing That they thought might've just been a growth.
They weren't sure what it was.
Turns out it was a tail.
Next thing you know, I get my braces put on my legs.
Now this, I find out later, come to find out, 'cause you know mom, she was a little - woohoo.
I come to find out later-the braces were optional.
But the helmet was not optional.
I was required medically to wear the helmet.
I didn't wear it 'cause I felt like it made me look like a retard.
And so, um, that's when I realized, You know, that I had definitely, Without a doubt, hit puberty.
A little early, I guess, at 7, but nonetheless.
I- I'm sorry, I-I kind of blanked out for a moment.
You want to push me on the swing? I would love to, my daughter.
[giggles.]
Whoa.
Whoa! Ow! Wait a minute.
Stay there.
Ok.
Ok.
Hold on.
Dad, I need a little- yes, perfect.
A little help.
That is good.
Hola.
Yo soy el oficial Kimball.
Vender naranjas En las carreteras es peligroso y ilegal.
Si tiene naranjas para vende, Obtenga permiso y vendalas en un puesto de frutas.
No donde hay trÃÂáfico.
Gracias por su tiempo y atenciÃÂón a este anuncio.
Uh, so far, we've gotten a very wide selection Of the Thai food in the Washoe county area, Which ranges from, uh, edible to pretty darn good.
Uh, so far, no luck on the sting operation, But, uh- no rub and tug.
Tata again.
Yeah, extra spicy.
I like 'em spicy.
Uh I would say not extra large.
I would say, uh, small would be better.
Thank you.
All right, I can't wait till she gets here.
You go, you go.
No, you go.
You go! Aah! Should've gone.
Should've gone.
Junior: Oh, man.
Ah, should've gone.
I barely made that.
Ah That was a photo finish.
Sheriff's department.
Man: Hello, officers, thanks for coming.
Sure.
My son has run away from home.
Ok.
And I'd really like for you to go find him, Put him in that car, bring him back here, And put him in there, and I - 'cause I don't want him, you know, Running away again.
Ok.
Ok.
He's 18 Ok.
And he's got a swimmer's build.
Um, he's-he's really handsome.
Adorable, adorable kid.
He works out.
He's got a hard body.
Ok.
Very-sort of tight.
Like has a kind of- for his age, he's got like cast-iron pecs- Ok.
For an 18-year-old.
And he lives with you and he- Yeah-oh- oh, of course, yeah.
East, west, north, south? Heading- He's over at the pizza shack playing video games, I think.
Sir, if-if I didn't know any better, I'd just think that you'd want us to grab an 18-year-old And bring him back here so you can Yes.
That's absolutely what I want you to do.
Bring him back here so I can-mm-hmm.
[sighs.]
Two wolves is Too amazing.
[laughs.]
Uh, no, he, um I tell you what, it's the first time I've met an injun in person, And, uh You know what? It's like he's a Mexican, But cooler.
Mm-hmm.
Mm-hmm.
Like a Mexican with a-a secret.
Mm-hmm.
My dad is more amazing Than I ever Ever dreamt he could be.
Well, that's not entirely true.
Actually, one time I dreamt that he was made out of macaroni And he had vacuum cleaner arms.
That-that would be amazing.
But he's great.
He's great just the way he is.
Tag, you're it! [laughs.]
You can't get me! [squeals.]
[laughing and screaming.]
You can't get me! You can't get me! You're it.
Whee! Come on, you can do it.
Whee! Whee! Daddy's here.
Hold on a minute, let me get the camera.
Oh, this is good.
Oh, great.
It goes something like this.
Ok.
Oh, jeez, I haven't done this in years.
Yes, that is good! And hold like this? Like-just like this, yes.
Ow! Oh, god! Ow! Ok, whoo! Daddy's here.
I'm stuck a little.
That's it.
Oh, yes.
Just like that.
That's a game? Two wolves: Yes.
Let's do that again.
[whooping.]
This makes me feel funny on my front.
I bet it does.
Two wolves: Wanna try it again? Trudy: Ok.
I think we should go.
Oh, just too much tom yam.
[knock on door.]
Oh, my god, that's so hot.
[groans.]
Delivery.
Hi.
Hi.
How you doing? Good.
Nice room.
I'm going to choose my words very carefully.
I would like To pay you $40 for a hand job.
Aah! Unh! Ok.
Aah! Huh! Aah, all right, all right.
No, it's ok.
[both grunting.]
Travis, keep her talking, ok? I'm not-the eagle's lair's not ready to strike.
You-you suspect he's not a police officer? All right, well- ok, you know what? We're going to take care of it, all right? Man: All right, ladies.
Everything looks good around here.
Back to work.
Ah, gentlemen, gentlemen, officers.
Are you on the job? Thank you, ladies.
You may go back to work.
Thank you, ladies.
I think, uh- thank you.
We've all got everything settled here.
Huh? Everything's winding down.
Everything's under control.
I apologize if you got the call for some backup, But I got everything under control here.
Right.
'cause I'm-I'm over on the precinct, uh, on the east side of Nevada.
Oh, yeah? Uh, precinct, um Which one was that? Oh, uh, precinct 4.
Precinct Precinct 4.
Precinct 4.
Oh, yeah, you guys- We got to-we got to get a little, uh Little volleyball or a barbecue going- Precinct 4.
Between you, me, and your precinct.
And what are your shift hours over there At precinct 4? Hey, between- between you and me, It's like living there, right? Am I right? All right, well, I got this going, guys.
I got it.
No, the-the thing is, It-it's-obviously you're not a cop, ok? What-the-the hot toddy.
Give me this.
These buttons.
Give me this.
What? What did you say? Don't do this in front of them.
I just want to thank you guys for destroying The most amazing day of my life as a cop.
Ok.
Well Now I got to go return this.
Maybe you can dress up like a rodeo guy Or a fireman, have another amazing day.
Uh, no, they told me I can't come back To the firehouse and do that anymore.
Oh, son of a bitch.
Sorry.
Sorry.
Fair warning.
[both groan.]
[knock on door.]
[whispering.]
ok, here we go.
Ready to go? Can you move? Why don't you answer this one? I think I look a little bit like a cop, don't you? Come in.
Uh, you guys order some takeout? Oh Man, it smells like Thai farts in here.
Uh, I'll give you a blow job, But it's going to cost you extra.
No, no, sir You don't got-aah! Unh-ow! Fuck! Ah Ow.
I- I just feel like we should do A little bit of a background check.
Tru-Trudy might be grossly incompetent, mm.
She might have hydroencephalitis, mm.
Spina bifida.
Mm.
She might be, uh, slightly brain damaged And was born, uh, with the umbilical cord wrapped around her neck, So she has serious brain damage.
Yeah.
But she's one of ours And I think we owe it to her To do a background check on two wolves.
Yeah.
And we should.
Yeah.
Plus, I just don't like Indians.
I don't like Indians, either.
[rattling.]
[rattling continues.]
[drumming in background.]
[two wolves chanting.]
Hey, two wolves? How long does peyote usually last? I never saw anybody eat as much as you did, So I don't know.
Dangle: Bernadino, Terrence.
Uh, age 26.
Uh, 6 prior arrests And 6 convictions.
Uh, judge Ferdinand Dos Reyes has ordered you To undergo these 6 - month psychological evaluations for parole.
Uh, have you or have you not Committed a felony in the past 6 months? No.
What was with the pause? I thought you said "melody.
" "committed a melody in the past 6 months" Is what you thought I said? I've committed a melody.
What is the melody you've committed? do, do, fight the system don't let me back in the jail I'll kill you Um, do you sometimes fantasize that you are the angel of death? Yes.
Um Boy, that was a bad one.
That was a big one.
That was a big one.
That's one of the biggest ones.
Passed it.
Holla! You want a chance to answer that again? Yes.
Do you fantasize you're the angel of death? Yes.
Aah! What? We got to work on that.
Let's just say he passed.
Ok.
Terry- I passed gas.
Does that count? We don't-we don't have the bunk space, So I'm going to sign here.
I want your signature right there.
Oh, you really did.
That's your signature? Yes.
Junior: And then you need to initial down here.
I knew it! We have been sold a papoose of bull poop.
Jon Littlefeather, Trudy's real father, Died in prison Two Wolves is not her father.
No deal.
[both panting.]
Car's here.
Trudy! Trudy! Trudy: Yeah? Do it, do it, do it now! Ow! Dangle: Trudy! Trudy: I'm in here! Trudy! I'm in here.
Trudy, listen to me very carefully.
Your father died in prison 10 years ago.
Two wolves is not your father.
I know that.
He was just about to give me a bubble bath.
Hey, guys.
What's going on? Hey, daddy.
Let's play that great game that we invented.
Yes, honey.
I'll be right in.
pop, pop the bubbles 1, 2, 3 what do we see? it's a boobie! Bye.
a boobie, a boobie staring at me under the bubbles pop, pop, pop pop, pop, pop 1, 2, 3 mwah, mwah, mwah I think my peyote's still going.
Is yours? Not-oh, yeah.
I'm still-I'm still- I got a little bit of trails.
Oh, I'm totally still going.
Yeah, I'm still really- I'm really going.
I wasn't until you said that.
I'm going to sit down.
I'm never doing peyote ever again.
Ever.
Ever.
I'm starting to freak out.
I feel like if people walk by And they see 2 cops sitting here like this, They're going to know we're on peyote.
You want to walk to Vegas? I would.
Yeah, good walk to Vegas.
I'll feel fine.
Yeah.
Then I'll be feeling fine 'cause then I'll be awake And I won't be high anymore.
I won't be high anymore.
[sighs.]
mtv networks Captioned by the national captioning Oh Aah! Oh, god, mailbox.
Mailbox.
Thought it was someone else.
I thought it was like a skeleton or something weird.
Don't look at these trees.
These trees are really, really- oh shit!