Full House s05e14 Episode Script

All right, Beck, let's make this really interesting, okay? Whoever burps their baby faster gets out of diaper duty for the whole entire day.
- What do you say? - You are on, pal.
Because I have Alex and let's face it, he is the king of gas.
Yes, that may be true, but we want it more.
Right, Nicky? See that? He's got the eye of the tiger.
All right, ready, and burp them.
Come on, Nicky.
Come on, come on.
BECKY: Come on, Alex, come, my baby.
- What's going on? BECKY: Go, Alex.
We're having a little contest to see who could burp the fastest.
[BURPS.]
I won.
I'm still the burp champion.
In your face.
Okay, boys, this is your first trip to Aunt Ida's.
And we're gonna have a good time.
She's gonna hug you and kiss you and pinch your little cheeks for about three hours.
All right, boys, let's get out there and make Channel 8 a winner.
Because we're lean.
We're mean.
DANNY: And we're clean.
Honey, I've never actually seen you on ice skates.
Do you know anything at all about hockey? I took the kids to Smurfs on Ice.
What's to know? The point is: the boys are back and we're having a good time.
- We're hanging out together, the boys.
- That's right.
- Hanging out like the old days.
- Right.
One for all and all for one.
Just like the Three Musketeers.
Athos.
- Porthos.
- Annette.
It's not Mouseketeers, it's the Musketeers.
Guys, I have a question.
Why do I have to be the goalie? Danny, come on.
Goalie is the safest position on the ice.
Yeah? Then why am I wearing [DOORBELL RINGS.]
Joey, how fast are those pucks going anyway? Not fast.
Ninety, 100 miles per hour.
Maybe I should just sit on the bench and make you guys some hot cocoa.
I got it, I think.
- Hey, Vicky.
- Hey.
Ooh, I can't wait to see my co-host in action.
Really? Guys, what are we waiting for? Hot cocoa? Let's get out on the ice.
All right, let me rub your bald little heads for good luck, okay? Beck, if they don't start growing hair within a week I'm buying them both matching baby toupees.
All right, here we go.
Okay, Deej, we're leaving.
I'll be right out, Vicky.
Bye, Dad.
Have fun at the game.
Try not to get hurt.
Hey, I can take care of myself.
But Deej, if anything happens to me I love you so much.
Thanks for giving up a Saturday to babysit, hon.
Oh, it's no problem.
I was supposed to go out with Steve, but he never called.
It's no big deal.
Okay, so he's a total hunk.
But it's no big deal.
Did I say that already? Because it's no big deal.
Oh, and I want you to make sure Stephanie finishes her book report.
I don't want Michelle outside because she has the sniffles, okay? Got it.
Thanks, Deej.
I owe you one.
You mean, like, one red Mustang convertible? No, I mean like one more big dad hug.
Come here.
Hi, Stephanie.
Hello, Michelle.
[SNIFFS.]
Michelle, do you mind? No.
Don't you have anything better to do than sniffle in my ear while I'm working? I don't know where it comes from, but it just keeps coming.
[DOORBELL RINGS.]
D.
J.
: I'll get it.
- Steve.
Hi.
- Hi back.
You look great.
Thanks.
Well, it's nice to see you.
What are you doing here? Didn't you get my note about going to the movies? I gave it to Maria to give it to Kimmy to give to you in Home Ec.
Oh, no wonder I didn't get it.
Kimmy always ditches Home Ec.
She says she's gonna marry a doctor and get a maid.
- Hey, let's go to the movies.
- Great, we're out of here.
Wait, I'm not out of here.
I have to babysit.
Oh, too bad.
No, wait, I can go.
- What about babysitting? - Oh, yeah.
Well, that's no problem because we'll take my little sisters with us.
Your little sisters? Oh, you'll love them.
They're adorable.
Wait till you see them.
Okay, we're going to the movies.
Put on your coats and act adorable.
I cannot leave this house.
Dad said.
Well, Dad's not here.
I'm in charge.
That makes me dad.
Until the real dad comes back and makes you grounded.
You don't get it.
The hottest guy in the junior class is in our living room.
He has his own car and he can grow a mustache in less than a month.
Are you sure you wanna do this? Well, sure, I'm sure.
Girls, come with me.
I'd like you to meet a very good friend of mine.
Steve, these are my sisters, Stephanie and Michelle.
Let's see you grow a mustache.
Not that I don't trust you, Stevearino.
But can I see your driver's license? I told you they were adorable.
We'd better get going.
Thunder Raceway starts in a half hour.
Thunder Raceway? I believe that's rated PG.
Parental guidance suggested.
No parents, no guidance, no go.
Come on, Steph, give me a break.
The only G-rated movie out is The Littlest Sea Lion.
- I've been dying to see that.
- Yeah, me too.
I love when the little sea lion goes: [SQUEALING.]
- I'm really sorry about this.
- Hey, it's all right.
Hopefully, we won't even be watching the movie.
Why not? Okay, no more questions.
Everybody in the car.
I got the front seat! Wanna hear something amazing? Sure, kid.
[SNIFFLING.]
I told you they were adorable.
Okay, we got drinks, popcorn, mints, licorice, chocolate raisins and of course, bonbons.
You forgot the nachos.
Michelle, let's not be pigs.
Steph, where's my change? Change? If there was any money left, I would've bought nachos.
Oh, Steph.
Excuse me, could you save our place? Thanks.
Steve, this is really embarrassing but I don't have enough money to pay for my sisters.
I only have enough for us.
We should just forget the whole thing.
No, no, wait.
Why don't you just buy our tickets.
Kimmy started working here.
Maybe she'll have an idea.
That'll be a first.
Thank you.
Enjoy the show.
Don't spill anything.
I'm the one that has to clean up.
Hey, Kimmy, we need to talk.
I know.
You're with Steve Peters.
So why'd you bring those rug rats? I had no choice.
Hey, can I borrow 10 bucks? Yeah, sure.
But I can't get it right now.
I'm on duty.
If I leave, kids will sneak in.
Kimmy, that's the answer.
You have to sneak my sisters in.
What? You're asking me to commit a crime my first day on the job? I'm shocked.
- You're not gonna do it? - Well, of course I'll do it.
But I'm still shocked.
Thanks, you're my hero.
Thank you.
- Come on, Michelle.
- I got our tickets.
Great.
- Thank you, enjoy the show.
- Thanks.
You two, go right on in.
Hold it.
Where's our stubs? Uh, you don't need any.
Tell them, Kimmy.
Yeah, that's right.
Because you're the one millionth customer.
I'm the one millionth customer? All right.
What do I win? A new car? No, you win a free pass for you and a guest.
Oh, let's see.
Who should I take? What are you? Nuts? Take me.
- Come along.
- Let's go.
Keep the line moving.
Thank you.
- How's this? - Perfect.
This is cozy.
It'll be even cozier when you two move behind us.
Come on, right now.
Let's go.
Enjoy The Little Sea Lion.
See you when it's over.
All right, a Pink Panther cartoon.
[HUMMING.]
Shh! I don't wanna hear a peep out of you two until the movie's over.
- Peep.
- Peep.
I mean it.
Watch this, Michelle.
He's gonna put his arm around D.
J.
He's getting closer, closer.
D.
J.
, watch out! That's it.
You two, in the back row, right now.
Come on.
Move it, move it, move it.
How rude.
Now, where were we? I think we were right about here.
Excuse me, young ladies.
I'm sorry to bother you.
We've had some kids switching theaters.
Could I check your ticket stubs? We don't need any.
I'm the one millionth customer.
And this is my guest, one millionth and one.
- Better come with me.
- Come on, Michelle.
I'll bet we won a new car.
Oh, sorry, I'll wait.
Smooch away.
Kimmy, what is it? My manager just busted your twerpy sisters.
He's taking them into his office.
Oh, man, if he calls my dad, I'm dead.
You're dead? I could lose my job.
They better not squeal on me.
G-I-B-B-L-E-R.
Gibbler.
Now, why would Kimmy Gibbler tell you that you're the one millionth customer? We've only been open a week.
Well, sir, I'm sorry to have to tell you this but you've hired a nut case.
Well, now, don't cry.
I'm not crying, I got the sniffles.
That was a good one.
Here you are.
Girls, I am so disappointed in you.
- Who are you? - I'm their sister, sir.
The good sister.
What scam did they run this time? The old one-millionth-customer story? But Kimmy said that-- Shame on you, blaming sweet, poor, innocent Kimmy.
Sir, they may look cute, but don't be fooled.
They've been sneaking into G-rated movies all over town.
In fact, they're known as Snake and Sniffles.
Which one am I? Well, I called your home, but no one answered.
Oh, that's too bad.
My father needs to know about this.
Don't worry, I'll make sure they get punished like they've never been punished before.
Snake, Sniffles, let's go.
I'm Sniffles? Yes, you're Sniffles.
Oh, I get it.
That's because I have the sniffles.
Good one.
Oh, sir? One last thing.
The popcorn could be a little fresher.
And stay out.
All right, you two girls have a seat.
Now, we are not out of the woods yet.
We can't tell Dad what happened so we have to tell him what didn't happen.
You mean, you want us to lie to Dad? No, I don't want you to lie.
I just want you to tell a fib.
A tiny little fiblet.
Why? So you won't get in trouble? You didn't do your book report, so you're in trouble too.
Rats.
Am I in trouble like Snake? No, but one day you will be.
And Stephanie and I will be there to bail you out.
- So will you help us? - Let me think.
All right, I'm in.
Now, the secret to a good lie-- Fiblet, is details.
Now, Steph.
You worked on your book report all day.
For lunch you had a bologna sandwich sliced diagonally with a glass of chocolate milk and a Ho Ho.
Can I have a Ding Dong instead of a Ho Ho? Whatever.
Now, Michelle.
When Dad asks you what you did today, you say: "D.
J.
and I played Candyland and I won.
" Can I have a Ding Dong too? What is it with you kids and Ding Dongs? If Snake gets one, then Sniffles should get one too.
Okay, you get a Ding Dong for winning Candyland.
Wow, I had a great day.
Are you sure this will work? Oh, it can't miss as long as we stick to our story.
Now, Michelle, what did you do today? Duh.
I went to the movies with you and got in trouble.
We're doomed.
Michelle, you played Candyland with me and won a Ding Dong, remember? Oh, yeah.
Can I take back my "duh"? Come on, get off my case.
So I wasn't the best skater out there.
You call that skating? Your butt never left the ice.
Even flat on my back, I got some good shots off.
Yeah, you got the winning goal for the other team.
The goalie should have blocked that shot.
Or any shot.
Danny, what the heck were you doing on your hands and knees anyway? I was just cleaning the slush around my area.
It's not an area.
It happens to be a goal crease.
And you're supposed to be defending it, not cleaning it.
I was defending it, until it got all icky.
- Danny, you got a real problem.
- You got a problem.
You take this hockey stuff way too seriously.
Hey, listen, Dippity-do head.
What, Elmer Fudd face? Take that back, Dohead.
Make me, Fuddface.
Hey, hey, hey.
Dohead, Fuddface.
Come on.
What happened to the Three Musketeers? Musketeer this, Mop & Glo.
It's Mr.
Mop & Glo to you, buddy.
[SPEAKING INDISTINCTLY.]
Okay, boys, you made it through your first visit to Aunt Ida's.
And I promise we'll get all that lipstick off.
Here we go.
Hello, boys.
Hello.
We were just horsing around.
That's right.
Just three guys horsing around.
Yup, it's a guy thing.
Oh, isn't that cute? Your daddy and his buddies roughhousing like little boys.
Well, I guess that's how you strengthen those bonds of male friendship.
Just like those chimps we saw last week at the zoo.
Becky's right.
We're no better than chimps.
Yeah, what's wrestling around on the carpeting gonna prove anyhow? Wanna see who can do the most push-ups? Yeah.
Get used to it.
Here comes Dad.
Now, everybody remember their stories.
Bologna sandwich, book report.
Candyland, Ding Dong.
- Hey, girls.
ALL: Hello.
Deej, thanks again for babysitting.
It's great to know I have a mature, responsible daughter that I can count on.
Thanks, Dad.
D.
J.
: I am scum.
I'm lower than scum.
I'm the scum they scrape off scum.
- Steph, did you finish your book report? - Sure did.
And I had a bologna sandwich, diagonally sliced a refreshing glass of chocolate milk, and a Ding Dong.
That sounds so fake.
Sounds like you had a really productive day.
He bought it.
How was your day, Michelle? Let's see.
We're busted.
I played Candyland with D.
J.
and I won a Ding Dong.
Yes! That's great.
You know what, honey? Let me get a tissue and wipe your nose for you.
There you go.
I've turned my sisters into liars.
But good liars.
I got an idea.
Since you girls were all cooped up in the house all day we'll go to a movie tonight.
- All right.
- Uh-oh.
He knows something.
How about The Littlest Sea Lion? Have you girls seen it? No, Dad, I can honestly say we haven't.
Great.
Since you're becoming so responsible maybe it's time I raised your allowance.
I don't deserve a raise.
How does two-fifty more a week sound? Sounds great.
Why is he torturing me? I love you, sweetheart.
I can't take it anymore.
I can't take it anymore.
Dad, Steve came over and we took Stephanie and Michelle to the movies.
We didn't have enough money, so I made Kimmy sneak them in and then we got caught and I forced them to lie to you about the whole thing.
And that's what really happened.
I feel so much better.
Ooh, that's a bad face.
I'm really sorry, Dad.
So am I.
I can't believe this.
It's true.
The whole thing about the bologna sandwich? Never happened.
Go ahead, Dad, ground me.
All right, you're grounded, all three of you.
We're all grounded? - Even me, your little princess? - Dad, they don't deserve it.
I told them that they weren't lying, just telling a fiblet.
They still went along with it.
Ultimately, you're each responsible for the choices that you made and you're gonna have to accept the consequences.
Huh? That means: you do the crime, you do the time.
Does this mean no Little Sea Lion? No Little Sea Lion.
That's the second time I missed him today.
Deej, what happened? We got away with the whole thing and then you blew it.
I couldn't go through with it.
You ever hear that little voice in your head saying, "This is wrong"? Sure.
But I told it to shut up and I listened to you.
Do I have a little voice in my head? Yeah, everybody does.
It's called your conscience.
And when you do something you know is wrong your conscience reminds you over and over and over and over until you do something about it.
It sounds like a pain in the neck.
Look, I'm really sorry I got you guys grounded.
But thanks for backing me up.
Tell you what, Steph.
I am gonna help you with this book report.
And after that, Michelle, you and I are gonna play Candyland.
And I promise to spend more time with both of you guys.
Give me a hug.
Hey, you guys can hang out in my room any time you want.
Whoa, D.
J.
, don't get carried away.
Yeah.
Let's start.