Hercules: The Legendary Journeys s05e14 Episode Script

lolaus? Good morning.
I know.
You You mistook me for the other lolaus.
Sorry.
Same voice, same face.
This is gonna take a little getting used to.
Tell me about it.
I woke up at the crack of dawn thinking I had to practice my act.
The Sovereign always used to expect a-a new routine every morning with his breakfast.
Ooh! Hey, uh, what is for breakfast? Rabbit? Rabbit? Are you kidding? Ugh! Things are definitely different.
Yeah.
Thanks.
You know, uh, I'm not the Sovereign.
You don't have to serve me anymore.
I know.
I guess, um, old habits die hard.
Well, then tomorrow I'll cook.
This is incredible.
Um, Hercules, you know, I can't begin to thank you enough for saving me from a world I thought I'd never escape.
But, um Well, I've been thinking, and maybe it'd be better if we went our separate ways.
Ah.
I thought you might feel that way.
All my life, I've been trying to figure out who I am.
And now, the only thing I know for sure is I'm I'm not the man your partner was.
I'm not asking you to be.
Yeah, but you want me to be.
I don't blame you.
Like you said, same voice, same face.
If you really want to leave, I'll respect your decision.
But I have two favors to ask.
One: Come with me.
I wanna show you something.
Where are we going? You'll see.
Okay.
And, um, the other? Let me tell you about the lolaus I knew.
You might be surprised by how different you two really are.
What are you doing? Exercising.
Besides, it was the only way to wake you up.
Well, I'm awake.
Now, will you put me down already? You know, you've already missed half the morning workout.
Down, please? Why do you have to exercise anyway? You're the world's strongest man.
'Cause it feels good, and so will you once you finish your 500 sit-ups.
You know what, Hercules? I don't know.
I'm feeling a little stiff from those three fights yesterday.
Stretching will help.
I'm gonna go for my morning run.
What a beautiful day.
"What a beautiful day.
" The museum is closing now, folks.
That way, please.
Thank you.
Sorry, folks.
It's closing time.
That way, please.
Thank you.
Sir? Thank you very much.
Huh? The ruby it's gone! Lock the doors! The sacred ruby has been stolen! We search everyone! Oh! Oh.
Oh, hey, Hercules.
I feel a lot better.
You're right.
Exercise, huh? Good for you.
And all this time, I thought you just went back to sleep.
Me? Nah! And, uh Wow.
You're in such great shape, you didn't even break a sweat.
Okay, I went back to sleep.
But, hey, at least Idreamtabout exercise.
Yeah.
And I am sure you're in tiptop condition.
- In your dreams.
- Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
So, what's for breakfast? I collected some nuts and some fruit on my run.
What, are we squirrels? No way.
I'm having leftovers.
Rabbit? You had rabbit yesterday for breakfast Yeah.
and lunch and dinner.
Yeah, rabbit.
I'm a creature of habit.
Excuse me.
Are you Hercules? Yeah, that would be me.
Oh! Take your time.
Catch your breath.
In Ipithia, the sacred ruby, it's been stolen.
Well, that shouldn't be too much trouble.
Actually, if we don't get the ruby back, the panther will come to life and destroy everything in sight.
Oh.
I see.
The ruby must be returned to the panther by dusk.
Dusk? We don't usually get so much warning.
Can I go back to sleep now? I'll get my things.
This is the story of a time long ago, a time of myth and legend, when the ancient gods were petty and cruel, and they plagued mankind with suffering.
Only one man dared to challenge their power Hercules.
Hercules possessed a strength the world had never seen, a strength surpassed only by the power of his heart.
He journeyed the earth, battling the minions of his wicked stepmother, Hera, the all-powerful queen of the gods.
But wherever there was evil, wherever an innocent would suffer, there would be Hercules.
Hail! So you're telling me the main difference between us was he wasn't a morning person? That's not the only difference, believe me.
Yeah, still, the man was a hero.
Me, I'm just a guy with a dream that ended up a jester.
What dream? Here.
What's that? Well, examine it.
Well, it looks like flint Mm-hmm.
a piece of iron, a candle wick and Mm-hmm.
Oil.
Mmm.
Now, turn the wheel around hard.
It's for lighting a campfire in the morning.
- I call it a spark jug.
- It's pretty amazing.
So you're an inventor? - Well, I - This is very clever.
You know, if it was a little smaller.
You know, more compact.
Yeah.
You mean, less cumbersome.
Yeah.
Yeah.
That's doable.
I'll think about that.
Thank you.
You ready? Yep.
You wanna tell me where we're going? Uh, nope.
But I'll tell you what happened after the villager came and asked for help.
Go back to Ipithia.
Tell 'em not to worry; we're on the way.
Oh, of course, Hercules.
Thank you.
Thank you both.
Oh, and, uh, assure the people that their gold shipment will arrive on time at noon.
Gold shipment, noon.
Right.
Ipithia.
Isn't that where your girlfriend lives? Don't start.
Come on, Hercules.
Ever since you saved that woman What's her name? Uh, Lucretiana.
Boy, she's been carrying a torch for you bigger than What was I supposed to do, huh? Let her fall off the bridge? No, of course not.
But then you didn't have to go and lead her on.
I did not lead her on, lolaus.
Oh, come on.
"Of course I'll be back, Lucretiana.
That's a promise.
" Well, it's true, isn't it? We're goin' back.
Yeah, but, Hercules, do you have any idea how that sounds? You've got to learn to say "no.
" That's great advice coming from you.
You've got so many notches on your belt, I'm surprised your pants stay up.
Oh! Well, listen.
At least I know how to let a woman down gently.
- That's not what I've heard.
- Okay.
All right.
From now on, you'll not hear another word about this matter from my lips.
Great.
My day's lookin' better already.
Oh, hey, one more thing.
What gold shipment? So if there's a rumor of a gold shipment, then the thieves who stole the ruby will wanna stick around and try to chance it, huh? Not thieves thief.
Singular.
Autolycus? He's just arrogant enough to think that the ruby's curse won't hurt him.
Curse? So we'll find Autolycus, get the town out of danger, - and teach him not to play with cats.
- There's a curse? Maybe I've been too easy on Autolycus.
What do you think? Greece to Hercules.
What curse? The curse.
I mean, the curse.
What do you think I've been talking about all this time? Geez! You gonna stand there all day? Oh! Oh! Hercules, I've been warmer on ice! - It'll be fine once you get in.
- Do I have to? Listen, my Uncle Krysagus, he bathed once a month.
He never heard a complaint.
- Your uncle was deaf.
- That's beside the point.
Look, I I will go in later when the sun's higher and the water's warmer.
Suit yourself.
I mean, if you wanna smell like a stable.
- Oh, great! Now you're mad.
- No, I'm not.
You have a right to stink.
Yes, you are! I can always tell when you're mad.
Your-Your nostrils flare.
Look.
Just try and let it out.
Huh? You'll feel a lot better.
Hercules! Oh, that is so cold! Hercules! You know, you're right.
I do feel better.
Are you sure you guys were friends? The best.
You sound like you drove each other crazy.
That's what friends are for.
Look, lolaus and I spent more time together than we did by ourselves.
Teasing each other was our way of showing that we cared.
Well, if I said anything like that to the Sovereign, he'd have Well, you weren't exactly friends.
Ow! What happened? Oh, it's a splinter.
Well, are you all right? It's a splinter.
Oh.
- Uh, what's that on your face? - Huh? - Oh, oh, these.
It helps me see.
- Really? Yeah.
See, I discovered that curved glass bends the light.
- It sharpens my focus.
- Do you know how many people could benefit from this? You think? Absolutely.
Yeah, but it gets so tiring holding them up in front of your face all the time.
Well, what if you put, you know, side pieces on 'em that rested on your ears? That's a great idea! That's the second time you've helped me today.
Well, they're your ideas.
Yeah, but we make a good team, don't we? Yeah, we do.
Maybe I should stop talking about the other lolaus.
Well, to tell you the truth, at first I wasn't really interested, but, um Well, now I'm kind of curious.
- "Kind of"? - Yeah.
What did you guys talk about? Oh, we, uh, covered all the burning issues of the day.
Hey.
Hey, hey, hey.
What do you call a thirsty Hydra? What? De-Hydra.
Get it? Thirsty? De-Hydra? Have you ever noticed you always laugh at your own jokes? What are you saying? Maybe they'd be funnier if you kept a straight face.
Oh, okay, okay.
So first, you throw me in the river where I tear my pants on a branch.
Then you say I don't know how to tell a joke.
I'm the king of comedy.
All right.
I'm sorry about your pants.
I'll make you a new pair.
- You sew? - If I have to.
My mother taught me.
Hey, can you crochet? What I'd really like is an afghan.
Here, hold still.
What are you doing? I wanna measure your inseam.
Get out of there! Besides, I'm more of an off-the-rack kind of guy.
Fine, if you don't want a free pair of pants.
You're doing it again.
What? Your nostrils are flaring.
I don't flare.
Yes, you do.
No, I don't.
You do so.
I do not flare! Okay.
Hey, wait a minute.
Tell me about the panther's curse.
It hunts the thief down and tears him apart limb from limb? Yep.
Not a good day to be Autolycus.
No.
Wait.
Off the spruce branch, hit the oak, through the hollow stump, over the bird's nest, nothing but splash.
Your turn, buddy.
Okay.
Watch this.
Oh! Huh.
You okay? I'd like to see you try that.
You know, it's getting late.
We'd better get to Ipithia.
lolaus! This way.
Get the children! Hurry! The panther will destroy everything! No, wait! Listen! Look, I swear, Hercules promised he'd show up.
Then where is he? He's there.
Hercules! It's really him! Hercules! Whoa! Hi.
lolaus, you wanna give me a hand here? Look like you're doing fine by yourself.
I'll go find Autolycus.
Yeah, thanks.
Lucretiana! Get away from him! He's mine! He's mine! Shoo! Shoo! Hey! Hey! Hey! After all, he did come back for me.
Lucretiana.
It's good to see you.
Oh! Don't speak.
Just hold me.
Well, it's almost noon, unless this obelisk is fast.
And still, no sign of the gold.
Dilocks! What are you doin' here? Where's the ruby, Autolycus? Ruby? Haven't seen her in years.
But I can tell ya she was a real redhead.
Hey, glad to see Hercules let you off the leash.
You are so predictable.
You see, there's no gold shipment, because we set you up.
Now, where's the ruby? Ah, you're screwy.
I am not the robber with the ruby from the panther of Ipithia.
Okay, fine.
Guess you won't have to worry about the panther's curse.
Curse? No, no, no.
Superstition and folklore, my good friend.
It's only there to keep the natives in line.
I am no dupe.
There's no such thing as a curse.
You were saying? Hercules, this place you're taking me to, isn't there a shortcut? This is the shortcut.
Oh, no.
Hercules and lolaus! My friends! Come and eat.
Oh, great.
I'm starving.
- You could be the first to try my latest delicacy.
- lolaus, wait! - What is that? - Breaded weasel nose.
Helps stave off dandruff and control boot rash.
- I tried to warn you.
- It's my fault.
In my world, Falafel is the Sovereign's chef.
People come running from miles around to taste his food.
Well, here, they run for miles to avoid it.
Are you all right, lolaus? Uh, he's not who you think he is, Falafel.
What are you telling me, that this isn't lolaus? - That's right.
- But he looks like lolaus.
- And he sounds like - lolaus.
So what do I call you? lolaus.
Nice to see you again, Falafel.
It was life-threatening as usual.
Nice to meet you lolaus.
Guess I can expect that reaction from everybody I meet.
Well, it's gonna take time for you to get used to this world, and it's gonna take time for this world to get used to you.
It'll take longer while I'm with you.
Maybe.
You know, you and lolaus do have something in common.
Oh.
There are times that he felt like he was living in my shadow.
Now I'm living in his shadow.
Yeah, but deep down, he knew that I always saw him for who he truly was.
And he did the same for me.
In the end, that was good enough for both of us.
So what happened when the obelisk fell? Was there an earthquake? No, it has something to do with him.
You see? You are cursed.
You stole the ruby.
Oh, that was just a random accident.
It proves nothing.
All right, go ahead.
Search me if you want.
You will not find anything.
Oh, nothing.
Ooh! Hey, you planted that.
Service for six.
You know, eight's too many, four's not enough.
Turn around.
Hands up.
Come on.
Uh, from the relieved citizens of Ipithia.
Yeah, like you relieved them of the key to the city.
Ah, phooey.
Hey, hey, hey, hey! Where did ya hide it? lolaus, I swear to you on my grandmother's hallowed grave, I hid it nowhere in this village the ruby that I didn't take.
You swallowed it, didn't you? Swallowed it? Come on.
Even Autolycus wouldn't be stupid enough to Uh You might wanna avoid the special today at the tavern.
Fricasseed warthog with a muskrat flamb?.
Uh, big guy? So what did you, um, tell Lucretiana? I didn't have to.
She's engaged.
The wedding is this afternoon.
- Hey, you're messin' up my hair! - You did it again, didn't ya? Didn't have to say "no.
" Didn't even have to let her down gently.
Yeah, or me either.
We're never gonna convince him this curse is real.
Well, not until the panther comes to life.
Yeah, but by then, he'll be dead.
It's too late.
He can't run, he can't hide, because now he's a panther magnet.
Yeah, well, I imagine that panther just tracks you down and tears ya open limb from limb.
Course, if he wants to work this out for himself You know what? We should wish him luck.
We should.
All right, I swallowed it! But I had no choice.
They were searching everyone.
You didn't have to steal it in the first place.
Don't you see, man? I got a problem.
It's a sickness.
If I was the last man on Earth, I'd steal from myself.
Oh, come on, Hercules.
You and I, we go back a long way.
Huh? You can't let me die! I don't want to! Well, there is one other way to get the jewel out, but Ah, ah, ah! That's a little harsh.
These'll do the trick.
Thank you.
One bag of prunes.
Oh, prunes! Ooh, I hate prunes.
They remind me of my grandmother.
I thought you said your grandmother was dead.
My point exactly.
Start eating.
Oh, fellas, please.
This isn't necessary.
I'm as regular as a sundial.
Autolycus, make the most of it.
This could be your last meal.
That's right.
So sit and eat.
Oh! Now all we can do is wait.
Yeah.
Hey, look there.
You know, I've always wanted to play a musical instrument.
Me too.
That's one big regret of mine.
Really? Yeah.
At last something you can't do.
Prunes, anybody? Prunes? Free prunes.
Prunes? Mmm, thank you.
Take some more.
They're good for you.
Excuse me.
Can I have that lute, please? Hercules! Lucretiana.
Aren't you supposed to be gettin' married? Oh, wonderful news, darling.
I broke it off with my groom-to-be.
You did? I couldn't deny what I felt when you held me close.
Oh.
Just say "no," Hercules.
Well, you know, Lucretiana, I I feel that we should No, I really think we Oh, sure.
I feel it too.
We hear each other's unspoken thoughts.
We do? Mm-hmm.
Come on.
You have to meet my family.
Family.
Congratulations, buddy.
All right.
I finished those prunes.
Where's he going? He's gone to get married.
Ah.
True love.
Our boy's growing up so quickly.
What is wrong with you? What's wrong with me? I'm dying, and I've only just begun to bite into the thighs of life.
Don't you get it, man? Every moment is precious.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Not this one.
Unbelievable.
Yeah, and it's my first time too.
No.
The rock.
I'm talking about the rock.
Notice how the sunlight enhances the little tiny flecks of lavender, like a constellation of color in a firmament of stone.
dddd [ Stops And this.
Remarkable.
Words can't describe it.
Try "weed.
" Hey, Hercules.
Hey.
Everything work out? I Well, not exactly.
Come on, Hercules.
How can you keep her hanging on for so long? I was about to set everything straight, I swear.
But then her family surrounded us.
She looked so happy.
What was I supposed to do? Repeat after me.
"No.
" No.
Don't argue with me on this, Hercules.
Just say "no.
" No.
This is for your own good.
Can't you see that? Say "no.
" lolaus, I said "no.
" Okay, fine.
If that's how you wanna be, just don't expect me to hold the ring.
Hello, Mr.
Caterpillar.
What's with him? Ah, don't ask.
Isn't that amazing? It's my first time.
Yes, it is.
Excuse me, Hercules? My daughter is very ill.
It would mean the world to her if you'd come and pay her a visit.
Well, of course.
Lead the way.
Can Mr.
Caterpillar come too? Yeah, why not.
And Mr.
Rock and Mrs.
Weed and the whole family.
Go free, Mr.
Caterpillar.
Go free.
I'm happy to see you too.
How you feeling today? So, um, anything else come to pass? No, nothing yet.
I hope you and Hercules have a backup plan in case I'm backed up.
Please.
Uh, I have something to tell you.
Aw.
Hey, there, old-timer.
Say, I'll bet you could tell me a thing or two about smelling the roses, huh? Hey, you! Is that Hercules over there? Why, um, yes, it is, sonny.
And I'm his partner, lolaus.
I don't care who you are.
I wanna see how strong Hercules is.
Get him! Um, has any anybody ever told you that it's it's rude to throw things? Do I look like I care? Shut up and get Hercules.
I want Hercules! I want Hercules! I want Hercules! Listen, you know, when I was a little boy, well, I was really bad too.
I told lies and, why, I was even a thief.
But Hercules came along, and he taught me a very important lesson: Never strangle children.
No, no, no.
I'm just joking.
No, the real lesson is, um Well, there's good inside everybody, even you.
Gee, thanks, mister.
That's okay, son.
What a brave old soul, facing death with such dignity.
Oh, the humanity.
What's that? Oh, just a grocery list.
You know, a few simple purchases till I Wait.
"I, Tregorn of Ipithia, leave all my worldly goods to Autolycus.
" I can't believe it! You stole the old man's will! I didn't steal it.
He thought I was his grandson.
Autolycus, when are you gonna realize that this whole curse thing is a sign? A sign to you that you've gotta make some changes in your life.
And I don't mean talking to caterpillars.
lolaus I think you're right.
Well, that's it.
Of course.
I'm being punished for my sins.
Well, I swear right now if I live through this, I'll give up my thieving ways and live a righteous life.
Save me! Show me the light! Fire! Fire! Come on! Quickly! Light enough for ya? Come on! Fire! Fire! It's all right.
You'll be okay.
Hey, get your hands off me, monkey butt! Hey, would you just quit it? I want Hercules to save me, not you! Nice kid.
Yeah, the son I never wanted.
Don't worry.
I'll get him.
Take it easy, old-timer.
You'll be all right.
lolaus, I'm getting the urge.
Right.
Hurry up! Quickly! That's everyone.
Whoo-hoo! Hercules saved me! I'm the king of the world! All right.
Come here.
Come here.
Come here.
Let me take a look at you.
Oh, you'll just be fine.
Go on.
Take care.
Hey, now, you know what? Autolycus was right back there.
Huh? We may need a backup plan.
Speaking of which, where is he? I don't know.
He went to find a friendly bush.
Huh.
Let me try.
Oh, yeah, right.
Yeah! All right! - I thought you said you didn't play.
- I didn't know I had it in me.
Over there! Hercules! Whoa! Over there! Come back, Hercules! There! Hercules! Shh! Autolycus! Oh! Autolycus! Tell the whole village, why don't ya.
Hey, hey, hey! Can't a guy have any privacy around here? Sorry, sorry.
Um, I didn't realize there was a full moon back there.
So, um, everything come out all right? No.
It's a false alarm.
Listen! That panther is gonna be coming to your door very soon, and he's not gonna be selling flowers.
We're running out of time! lolaus, we've always been the best of friends.
No, we haven't.
And now that I'm just a stone's throw away from bodily dismemberment, I want you to have my grappling hook.
Don't forget me, buddy.
Autolycus, listen.
You're not going to die.
Do you really think Hercules and I would let that happen? You mean you think there's still hope? Well, of course there's hope.
There's always Give me that back! hope.
A net? You think a net is gonna hold that thing? Look, while you were out in the woods trying to take a You know, I, uh, I paid Hephaestus a little visit, and this is the strongest net he had.
Besides, we only need to hold the panther long enough for you to take you know.
Yeah, so you feeling better now? Oh, sure.
Top of my game.
I've lost control of my body, I'm stuffed full of prunes, and now I'm about to become cat chow.
Hercules, where have you been? Lucretiana, you really shouldn't be in here.
- It's not safe.
- Well, I'm not leaving without you.
Everybody's waiting for us at the temple.
And why aren't you in your wedding suit? You know, we have, uh, got a lot to talk about, but now's not the time.
Ew! What's wrong with him? Wait! Now what? Me-ow! I don't think it's housebroken.
Here's my backup plan to the backup plan.
Whoo-hoo-hoo! Don't you worry about a thing, doll.
We're safe up here.
Oh! You saved my life.
Well, uh, not yet.
lolaus, distract it.
Distract it? Yeah.
Uh Woof, woof, woof! dddd - They say music soothes the savage beast.
- I hope it's true.
Looks like it is true.
What do you expect? I only paid two dinars for it.
Oh, nice kitty.
He's choking on the jewel! Get him out of there! Come here, kitty.
Come on.
Cough it up! Yuck.
Hmm.
Lucky shot.
We have to talk.
Talk? Uh, lolaus? That's it.
To get the ruby, you gotta get the whole panther.
Don't even think about it! All right, you Goody Two-shoes.
Ladies, please.
I'll get to each of you one at a time.
Or in some other combination.
Don't forget to tell 'em this is all your fault.
Oh, why spoil their fun? Oh! Have mercy.
I could get used to this hero business.
You'd better.
Because now that you've given up being a thief, you're gonna want a new line of work.
What? When did I say that? Oh, that was just the curse talking.
Look, you can't prove a thing.
You see, I Oh.
Oh, I, uh, gotta run.
Whoa-oa! Gotta see a man about a gem! Whoa-oa! Looks like he finally had to go.
Yeah.
Boy, hope it doesn't hit the fans.
Say, where's Lucretiana? Turns out seeing the hazards of our lifestyle was a little too much for her.
She's going back to her fianc?.
Unbelievable.
You've done it again, haven't it? You've not said "no.
" No.
Oh, by the way, I made you this.
An afghan.
You said you wanted one.
When did you have time to make this? Oh, I had all day.
I thought it might help you to sleep better.
Oh! Gee, thanks, buddy.
It was my pleasure.
Mmm.
Nice and cuddly.
So, what are we havin' for dinner? Oh, I thought I'd Wait a minute.
Why do I always do the cooking? Because you're the better cook.
Oh.
You know, I think I finally figured you out.
Oh, yeah? You pretend that I'm better at everything so you don't have to do anything.
No idea what you're talkin' about.
Yes, you do.
Oh! Is it much further? We're already there.
Huh? Wait a minute.
This is lolaus, isn't it? Yep.
I, uh I don't feel comfortable.
I feel like I don't belong here.
I'll give you a moment alone.
That's not necessary.
I've had hundreds of 'em.
He's at peace now.
I admire his choice in views.
lolaus loved this place.
We used to come up here as kids and talk about all the great adventures we were gonna have.
Dreams.
I can understand that.
Wonderful thing is, ours came true.
I, um I saw him once, you know, in passing.
I bet you've been carrying him around with you ever since you got here.
Now I think it's time we both let him rest.
Well this is, um, awkward.
You know, I, uh I never thought in my wildest dreams that I'd ever have a friend like Hercules.
I, um I guess knowing how close you two were just made me feel like I didn't belong, you know? Kind of like, um, a ghost living in everybody else's dreams.
I'm never gonna be able to replace you.
I just, uh I just hope there's a little of you inside me.
Okay.
- You ready? - Yeah.