Phineas and Ferb s05e14 Episode Script

1 There's a hundred and four days of summer vacation and school comes along just to end it So the annual problem for our generation is finding a good way to spend it Like maybe Building a rocket, or fighting a mummy or climbing up the Eiffel Tower Discovering something that doesn't exist Hey! Or giving a monkey a shower Surfing tidal waves Creating nano-bots or locating Frankenstein's brain It's over here! Finding a dodo bird, painting a continent Or driving our sister insane Phineas! As you can see, there's a whole lot of stuff to do before school starts this fall Come on, Perry.
So stick with us, 'cause Phineas and Ferb are gonna do it all! So stick with us, 'cause Phineas and Ferb are gonna do it all! Mom, Phineas and Ferb are making a title sequence! It's a mystery, Ferb.
A riddle.
Whispering a secret to an enigma while driving down a lost highway in an Escher painting.
How do they get the toothpaste into the tube? Sometimes if you're lost it's best to just go along for the ride.
New Paisley Sideburn Brothers Album.
Don't make me bust! And how do they get the red and blue toothpaste to swirl? Whoa.
Hmm.
Apparently it just fell out of the sky.
Well, I guess it's the only one.
Let's open it up and see what's inside.
Wow, it's a day full of questions.
- First the toothpaste, and now this.
- And of course where is Perry.
Yeah, see what I mean? We're up to our armpits in enigmas.
Ah, Agent P, glad you're here.
Doofenshmirtz has been incommunicado for far too long.
Either he's up to something big or he's met with some sort of foul play.
Well, that was rather abrupt.
You know, sometimes I feel like he just comes here to get his assignments.
Aw crud, that's the third battle ax I've broken on this thing! - Sorry about that, Dumpy.
- The name is Dumpamir.
Wow, the fact that we cannot open it makes discovering the contents - that much more tantalizing.
- I know, right? Luckily, Ferb has been working on a special Z-ray machine that can see through any substance on the periodic table.
It's highly experimental, so you might want to encase yourself in this lead body armor.
Well, we can't see into the capsule, but the second mole has a cavity and it looks like Mrs.
Garcia-Shapiro is making craploch tortillas.
Doofenshmirtz Evil Incorporated! Hey, that's my lunch! I think I'm actually running out of ideas here.
And pianos.
Shall I go get a pipe organ? I know the secret of how to open that hatch.
- You do? - I do.
You see, for generations and generations, the Van Stomm family has been the guardian of the secret knowledge and protectors of the Mystery Capsule.
We make the 13th century Templars look like a bunch of wusses! And throughout the ages, our family has pledged our lives to conceal it from the unenlightened, and in doing so, we were entrusted with the only key that can unlock the capsule's secrets.
- Really? - Nah, I'm just messin' with you.
I found this on the other side of the fence.
I saw it fall out of the lock when the capsule dropped from the sky.
It's worth a try.
Nice work, Agent P.
Carl is analyzing the footprint sample you pulled from Doof's living room as we speak.
We've analyzed the mud and there seems to be a large number of caffeine molecules in there, along with some rain water.
So our only leads are coffee and a rainy climate.
That could be anywhere! Uh, hello? Anyone there? Marco You're supposed to say "Polo.
" There better be a satisfying explanation for this when it's over or I'm gonna be merciless on my blog.
- Yeah, baby! - What mysteries does it contain? Perhaps dozens of stray Schrodinger's cats? Well, I ain't cleanin' their litter box! Why is it smoking like that? - And why are we all tilted? - Whoops, sorry.
You don't understand what you've done! - Who are you? - I'm you from the future.
Peter the Panda? Oh, that was a good shot of me! Oh, and that one.
That one too! Oh, that one, that one was terrible.
My nose looked all crooked, it needed scribbling on.
Hello, Doofenshmirtz.
Hello, inky shape hovering in the darkness.
- What gives? - It is I, Professor Mystery.
- Okay - Peter the Panda never mentioned me? No, but he doesn't actually, you know, talk.
So, you gonna tell me why you kidnapped me? Uh, hello? I know you're still out there, I can see your eyeballs.
What's with all the silence? It's very off-putting.
Mystery is my allure.
Oh, this is gonna be a fun conversation.
Wait a minute, you're me from the future? What happened to my nose? Never mind about our nose-es! Listen to that! If that hamster stops running the black hole will break containment, reality will collapse, and now you've exposed my hamster to atmosphere! It's only a matter of time before he weakens! Wait you have a hamster that's allergic to air? - You must believe me! - Why? Because I'm you from the future! Wait, I am not Indian in the future? - Okay, I'm you from the future.
- That doesn't even make sense! Stop telling people you're them from the future.
- Who's that? - That's just Denise, ignore her.
- She's no one from the future.
-e I heard that! - Hi, kids, sorry for the intrusion.
- There's no time to lose! Settle down, Bernie.
Remember your blood pressure.
What did I tell you? It's happening! - He's slowing down! - Oh, let him.
I'm so tired of that hamster running our lives.
What's that flashing? That cannot be good.
Well, you did hit it with a lot of pianos.
Seriously though, what's with the kidnapping? And why do you have an obsessive shrine to Peter the Panda? Because I am Peter the Panda's nemesis.
- You're surprised? - Well, yeah, of course.
I mean, come on, if I knew he had a nemesis, I would never want to be the "other" evil scientist.
Ooh, an Inator.
So, what does it do? I can't divulge that, because mystery Is your allure, yeah, yeah, I know.
So, do you tell Peter the Panda your plans before or after you trap him? I just I'm always interested in process.
I don't tell him at all, it would ruin the mystery.
- Which is my - But he's your nemesis! He's got to know what he's thwarting! I mean, that's just common courtesy.
What, you expect him to infer it just from your complicated back-stories? Wait, don't Oh, no, don't tell me that you've never even given him a back story! Well, there's your problem.
There's your problem right there! - What? - Lack of communication.
Give me a beat! You can can it with the mystery You don't have to be so vague So vague Give your nemesis some history All the reasons you're a rotten egg - # It's not enough just to show him your device # - Ooh! You got to tell him what it does I think you'll be surprised at his attention span He's the only one who's gonna understand You gotta tell him all of your evil plans because - # You've got to talk to him # - Ooh! Tell him every twisted scheme that's in your head - # Talk to him # - Ooh You've gotta give him some specifics he can dread Talk to him Don't just stand there like a rock - # He's got two furry ears so use them # - # Use them # - # I know you really want to bruise him # - # Bruise him # But I think you're gonna lose him if you don't talk If you don't talk Communication is the key if you'd just open up you'll see and maybe he'll stop thwarting me if you just talk - How did you get chorus girls in here? - They're a union, they'll travel.
There's only one way to stop this! Listen carefully! - Hey, Denise, I found your bird! - You did? Where was he? He was in my beard.
Anyway, there's only one way to stop this! No! Quick, everyone, grab hold of the tree! - Now what? - Of course, this is the one time an object has not disappeared from the back yard! Yeah, that's an annoying break in the pattern.
Well, actually, that's not the pattern.
The pattern is that they disappear after Candace! Mom, Mom, Mom! You're the last person I'm going to take advice from, you nemesis stealer! Even with musical accompaniment you just don't get it.
Ugh, I'm gonna have to spell it out for you.
It's not my fault that you and Peter are having problems, - it's yours.
- We'll see whose fault it is once I activate my True Purpose Shrouded in an Enigma-inator! Because, in just a few moments you will be zapped and my vengeance will be complete! Uh, yawn.
I mean, I'd be so much more concerned if I understood what the stakes were, man.
- You've Man.
- Hmm? Peter the Panda! Wow, I never thought I'd be so glad to see my nemesis! Peter the Panda is not your nemesis! Ah, you're right, he's not even my nemesis.
He's more of a thwarty call.
Don't you diminish him like that Ooh! See, he's thwarting me! You mean nothing to him, Doofenshmirtz.
Yes, yes! You see, this is good, isn't it? What did he give you that I couldn't give you? An evil monologue, for one thing.
- What? - Communication! Oh, for crying out loud, at least tell him what your - Inator does! Huh? - Oh, yes! It's an un-exist-inator.
What? Well Well, now I'm worried.
See? Communication works.
I can't hold on much longer! The one day my are in the wash.
Hurry, Mom! Come on, come on What? That did not hurt as much as I expected.
Yeah, you're welcome, people.
So my own parents accidentally created a black hole and became obsessed with containing it, eventually firing themselves into orbit for fear that they would jeopardize the planet, but that even me in the process.
That is what motivated me to become evil in the first place, and eventually build my un-exist-inator which you destroyed tonight.
Wow, it really feels great to tell someone all this.
- Son! - Mom, Dad, you're back! Aw I want you guys to meet my nemesis, Peter the Panda.
- You have a nemesis? - Our boy's all grown up! - Why is he a panda bear? - Bernie! What? I was just wondering.
Come on, Perry the Platypus, let's go home.
I talk to you enough, right? Yeah, you're right, maybe too much.
Why don't you come in for some snacks, kids? And if you see your dad, tell him to join us.
But, but, but Fine.
You know, that was pretty intense, Ferb.
We could've blown up the planet, or ripped open the space-time continuum or something.
I just hope we didn't cause any real damage.
Oh, hi, Dad.
Mom has snacks if you want to join us.
Ah, jolly good, boys, I am a bit peckish.
Maybe there's some pie left.
Whoa, that was weird.
- Was that us? - Couldn't be.
That Phineas had four white stripes on his shirt and you only have three.
Good point, not to mention our dad isn't a polar bear.
Come on, come on Stace, cover me! We need to find the bridge across the Dumbledown River before that stupid gopher! I've got your back, girl.
- Coin! Come on, come on! - I'm on it.
Next.
You did it, Candace! Yes! Third on the leader board, baby! That digital Ducky Momo trophy will be mine! - Ours.
- Ours! Candace, oh, good, you're up.
You have plenty of time to tackle the list of chores you left piled up.
But Mom, Stacy and I are "this" close to kicking leaderboard butt in Ducky Momo golden quest.
Well, your chores better be done before - I get back from running my errands.
- No problemo, Mom! You're looking at the queen of multi-tasking! Just make sure you hit the whole list, Your Majesty.
- See you later.
- 'Kay.
Ooh, ooh, squirrel bandits! Ha! You lose, bro! Eye shifts count! You moved! Actually, you did too, since our planet's orbital speed around the sun is 67,000 miles per hour, and you are on its surface, and speeding around the sun as well.
- Quit it! - Cool hat, Baljeet! Thank you, I got it at Astro Camp today! Quit turbocharging the orbital speed of my solar system! What? I'm racing 'em against each other.
That's it! I know what we're gonna do today! - Smack Baljeet's hat around? - No.
We're gonna build a solar system and race the planets! Only if I can still smack around Baljeet's hat.
Hey, where is Perry? Only you can make the decision to succeed.
You've got to dig down deep within yourself and grab a hold of your dream! Go ahead, grab it.
I'll wait.
Oh, Agent P! I've been giving a motivational speech to the interns.
- And by interns I mean Carl.
- Very inspirational, sir.
Anyway, Doofenshmirtz has rented out a conference hall at the Danville Motel Inn and is giving some kind of motivational lecture.
Who would want motivation from him is beyond me, but, well, that's beside the point.
Pick up your credentials at the front desk.
Good luck, Agent P! I'm all hooked up and ready to multi-task.
First on the list, wash dishes.
Now, where did we leave off? I think we were heading into the forest of the Grizzly King.
Are you sure you don't want to wait until you've finish your chores? Oh, please, Stacy, I've got everything under control! Let's tackle the Mountain King's dishes! Hey, Phineas, what you doing? Ferb and I were just heading up to our solar system speedway.
- We're gonna have a planet race! - Cool! The first one to complete 50 laps around the sun wins the Galaxy 5000! Technically it should be the Galaxy 50, but, you know, Galaxy 5000 sounds so much cooler.
Ferb is racing Mercury, the closest planet to the sun.
I'm racing Mars.
I saved Venus for you.
Aw, because Venus is the goddess of love? - Actually, I didn't even think of that, but sure.
- Ugh.
All right, racers, status check! - Saturn, check! - Yu-rah-noose, check.
Buford, that is not how it is pronounced.
It is on this channel.
- Venus? - Intergalactic Planetary Racing Patch, check! - Mars? - All ready! - Earth? - Earth is ready to go! - Neptune? - Check.
- Jupiter? - Check.
Pluto is go! Albert? What are you doing here? - Pluto isn't even a planet.
- That is still in dispute.
Racers, start your planets! Right out of the gate the Earth is in the lead, with Jupiter and Neptune rushing up to the challenge, but they take each other out! The Fireside Girls maintain their lead.
Watch out for the falling fiery marshmallows, Stace! I'll turn them into s'mores with my super sugar squeal! Bye-bye, Wonder Kid! Okay, I'll go collect the coins in the Cocoa Campground.
Now to get the laundry started.
Doofenshmirtz Motivational Seminar! Welcome, you lucky people in attendance.
I am Dr.
Heinz Doofenshmirtz, and I am here to introduce you to my eight-step program for ruling the Tri-State Area! I I mean, overcoming obstacles on the path to self-fulfillment.
Right, nothing evil there.
Anywho, behold! The Inator Method! Hit it, Norm! Maybe you're a loser who's been sleeping in his car Or a crazy person saving all their toenails in a jar Nice! There may be many reasons you can count yourself sub-par But the biggest one is you signed up for this here seminar But I'm the guy who'll give you all the answers Sit back, relax and I will cue my backup dancers! - # The Inator Method! # - # It's the method with all the solutions # - # The Inator Method! # - # This is the one Don't accept substitutions # The Inator Method! Soon you'll see that the only conclusion is to follow those impulsive urges you know that you want to purchase now The Inator Method! That's what I'm talking about, yeah! Perry the Platypus, what are you doing here? You're not supposed to be here till Step 3.
You'll have to excuse me while I confer with my visual aid.
I'm on stage so I'm going to have to forgo the long backstory.
Suffice it to say, there was a judge's ruling involved, okay? Anyway, just take a seat in the back and I'll cue you when you're on.
Perry the Platypus, ladies and gentlemen.
You'll be seeing more of him later during the "nemesis" portion of the seminar.
Oh, sweet! We made it to the Golden Key of the Crumblebum Dwarves.
Candace! It's the Gopher! I'll put a stop to you, you gold key swiping go-fare! Just get the key! Oh, aw - Stupid gopher! - Now we're back to third place! I guess we'll just have to get him on the next level.
Did I put the Hmm, better clean than dirty.
I'm one totally focused multi-tasking genius! It's a virtual dead-heat with a planetary trine between Mercury, Mars and Venus! Phineas is out in front by a pointed nose! Well, check out the cool inverted move from Ferb! - Watch out, boys, Venus is rising fast! - Whoa! She went intra-Venus right between us.
Okay, so now that we've got the basics covered, we can get the fun part.
Let's start with Trapping Your Nemesis! Nametag, you're it! The keys to a good trap are the element of surprise and also, if you can work in a good pun that's always nice.
Uh, what about constraint and effectiveness? Yeah, that'll be covered in the Thwarting Portion of our seminar, don't don't get ahead of yourself.
Okay, Step 4 is the big reveal! Behold, the Motivate-inator! Music sting, that totally ups the drama.
So what does it do? I'm glad you asked! You, come on up here.
I'll show you.
Let's give him a big hand for being such a sport, shall we? - All right, what's your name? - Billy.
Great to meet you, Billy.
Tell me, what do you see over there in the back of the room? Uh I don't know, a table full of stuff? Did everyone take note of his reply? Totally lackluster.
But that's all gonna change.
Okay, Billy, now, hold still.
Now what do you see, Billy? Inator Method Merchandise! Tapes, DVD's, books, audiobooks, now! Now! T-shirts, hats, that is so cool! I gotta have 'em! Now look at him.
All full of pep.
He's completely motivated.
Wait a second He's just motivated to buy your junk! This is nothing but a money-making scam! Exactly! What better motivation is there? Nice work, Stace! That last Megawallow in the Razzleberry Swamp put us back in second place! What? I can barely hear you over the vacuum! Hang on, is that better? Test of audios, take one.
I came to this seminar with no intention of buying anything! And look at all this junk I bought! Holy cow, I've bought a lot stuff I don't need.
I just can't stop spending my money on The Inator Method's motivational products! Whoo-hoo! With all the cash I'm raking in, I'll be able to take over the Tri-State Area in no time! Thank you very much, nice doing business with you.
- And who do I make this out to? - Uncle Phil.
"To Uncle Phil, wishing you the worst, "Dr.
Heinz Doofen" Ow! This is it, Stace! The Golden Treasure of Utter Momositry! Oh, no, you don't, leap of doom! Whoo-hoo, we did it! Oh, it's so beautiful! Awesome, awesome, awesome! Awesome, awesome, awesome! Number one in the Momo Realm! With time to spare for an astronomical bust! Buford is in the lead with Baljeet close behind! I am going to run rings around you, Ice Giant! - Bring it on, dweeb! - Eat my dust, Buford! Ooh! The silent-but-deadly planet has left for parts unknown! And Baljeet wins the digital trophy! Victory! Perry the Platypus, hold still so I can throw the book at you! Ow! - Great race, Baljeet.
- Excuse me! I don't normally run into strangers' back yards but I'm inexplicably motivated to buy your solar system race track! How much? - Five bucks.
- Sold! - I'm home.
How did you do on that list of Ow! - Mom! Mom, Mom, Mom! You've got to see what Phineas and Ferb built in the backyard! - Candace, the living room! - I know, I vacuumed.
- Come on, come on! - The laundry! - The dishes? - All done and ready to be put away! - Look! - Hi, Mom.
Hi, Candace.
Hi, kids.
Well, at least the backyard isn't a mess.
- What? - Come on, Candace, - you have a lot of cleaning up to do.
- But But, but, but Well, that was a lot of interplanetary fun.
- Plus, we made five bucks.
- We should put that in the bank.
At 1% interest, are you kidding? - # Perry! # - Aw! Aw man, now I'm gonna have to use the money I made for repairs and medical bills.
Now, wait, wait! Ahhhhh! Perry the Platypus! Maybe you're a loser who's been sleeping in his car Or a crazy person saving all their toenails in a jar Nice! There may be many reasons you can count yourself sub-par But the biggest one is you signed up for this here seminar But I'm the guy who'll give you all the answers Sit back, relax and I will cue my backup dancers! The Inator Method!