The Neighborhood (2018) s05e14 Episode Script

Hey, y'all.
- Hey.
- Hey, Pop,
have you, uh, driven
by the Pit Stop lately?
No. I got better things to do.
You drove by it yesterday.
"Lately" means "today," Tina.
And I only go that way
because the gas station
with the best hot dogs
is right across the street.
Right. Uh
Pop, you know, it's natural
for you to be curious
about what they're doing to the place.
Well, I'm not.
Okay. Well, just so you know,
the sign says it's opening today.
It is?
Yeah.
Well, I wish them luck.
I wonder how much they changed it.
Why would they change it?
They bought it because it's
the best mechanic shop in town.
Yeah, well, I'm just saying, Pop,
if you want to check it out,
there is no shame.
I don't want to check it out!
But what I would like to do
is take my lovely wife out
for a nice lunch.
Oh.
You know, I got a taste
for one of those hot dogs.
Come on, Tina.
So your idea of a nice lunch
is a gas station hot dog?
Really?
Just because we came into
a little money, Tina,
we can't forget where we came from.
Okay. I'm sorry.
I would love to.
I mean, yeah,
who wouldn't want a hot dog
that's been rolling underneath
a heat lamp for two days?
But, please, please, can we stop
by to see the new Pit Stop?
And I know you don't want to,
but I'm not as strong as you.
- Fine.
- Okay.
You see what you did, Malcolm?
Now your mama making me go.
What in the world is this?
Are we being punk'd?
Welcome to Calvin's Pit Stop.
This ain't Calvin's Pit Stop.
Yes, it is.
Would you like to see a food menu
or are we just gonna top off
your fluids today?
Hold on.
- What'd you say to my wife?
- Uh
No. No, no, no, no. Cal-Cal-Calvin,
he's talking about beer.
This-this is a brewery now.
Oh, my God.
You're the guy!
Oh, hell nah!
Hey! Everybody! Calvin's here!
No, he's not!
I mean, how am I supposed
to look at this menu
with this grinning idiot all over it?
It's not so bad. He's kind of cute.
I don't want to be cute.
I mean, I mean, I am cute,
but I don't want them using my cuteness
to sell "artesianal"
squash blossom flatbread.
Why don't they just say "nasty pizza"?
Ooh, and-and look at this one.
"Calvin's Favorite:
"bison truffle sliders with manchego
and watercress."
Who told them that was my favorite?
I don't know what half those
things are, and I hate the other half.
Mm.
Well, how did this happen? I mean,
the developers didn't say
anything about this,
- did they?
- No.
When they said they
wanted to keep the name,
I just assumed it was
gonna stay a repair shop.
Tell you what, my old customers,
they're gonna be pissed.
Ooh!
They have nachos in a hubcap.
How stupid is that?
I'm telling you, there's nothing
in this contract that says
the new owners have the right to
make me look like a damn fool.
Well, your lawyer reviewed it.
What-what did he say?
I don't know, Dave.
If I understood a lawyer,
I wouldn't need a lawyer.
Who wants to take a fun online test?
Ooh!
Not me.
Wha
Come on! It's really cool.
It's this career aptitude test.
I got our school to sign up for it.
It asks the kids a bunch of questions
about their personality type
and their interests
and tells them what kind
of career they might have.
Okay. Well, I thought grades did that.
See, that's the kind of thinking
that keeps kids from dreaming big.
Yeah. You know, Grover thinks
he's gonna be an NBA star,
but this will give him more
Skills? Coordination? Height?
More great options.
Okay, can we stop
talking about the test?
I'm fighting for my life here!
Yeah.
Calvin's right. Let's focus.
But, FYI, Grover's got skills.
You should see him take a charge.
He can stand still
like nobody's business.
Look, my lawyer said that
they were buying the property
and the rights to my name. That's it.
I would've never allowed them to
mock me as a cartoon character.
Well, I'm taking my image back.
- I'm suing their asses.
- Ooh,
wait, I don't think you can, baby.
It says here that any contract disputes
are required to go to mediation.
Ooh. You are in luck,
since you happen to know a trained
and licensed conflict mediator.
I don't care about trained and licensed.
What will it cost?
Oh, Calvin, are you kidding me?
I'd pay you to let me do it.
How much would you pay me?
Hey, check it out! I got a keytar.
Yeah. Uh, Marty, mm,
are you having a post-breakup
"what am I doing with my life?"
freak-out?
No, no! This isn't a freak-out keytar.
Although my skills may freak you out.
Yeah, that's a no.
Come on, man. I always
wanted to learn to play,
and now's the perfect time.
How 'bout when I'm not here?
Well, get used to it.
The new Marty's taking
initiative, starting with my job.
You know the Venus explorer
we're working on?
No.
Well, you know how Venus
has a toxic atmosphere?
No.
Okay. You know how you can use a balloon
to collect samples
above Venus's surface?
Okay, Marty, uh, what was it
about my last two answers
that made you think I would know that?
Anyway, I've been waiting
for the perfect time
to pitch this idea at JPL.
And then going through
this breakup with Necie
has given me a lot of time to think.
And I realized
now's the time to take chances.
- And guess what else.
- What?
I learned the beginning of
the Quantum Leap theme song.
- No, you didn't.
- Yeah, I did.
- Hold on. Check it out.
- No.
Marty,
- you don't need to
- W-Wait.
- I-I don't
- No, look.
No, hold on.
Wait. Wait, wait.
Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait.
No.
Damn it. I lost it.
I just got the results of
Grover's career aptitude test.
- Oh.
- They are not good.
Uh-oh. Hold on. Let me see.
"Independent. Self-starter.
Focused and methodical."
This doesn't sound so bad.
Look at the career they say
he's best suited for.
Lighthouse keeper.
Okay.
You know, on the plus side,
we can stop investing
in his college fund.
- What's that?
- Oh.
Your career aptitude test came back.
Ooh! Come on, NBA.
I'm not against playing
overseas, but, you know,
it wouldn't be my first choice.
Some great players got
their start in Greece,
so let's keep an open mind.
Dave!
The-the test said
some really good things. Yeah.
It says that you're an
independent self-starter.
That sounds like me. Pretty good test.
Huh.
Looks like the fog's rolling in.
- He's right!
- Oh!
Okay, so the inner balloon
would be rigid
and filled with pressurized helium
that we could release as needed
into the outer balloon,
controlling the buoyancy
without thrusters.
So, as the balloon rises,
so does our understanding
of Venus's atmosphere.
Wow. Ooh.
Wow!
That is some great
outside-the-box thinking.
I'm very impressed.
And so many balloon puns.
Yes, thank you.
I wanted to make sure
my presentation really
popped.
Oh! Another! Good, good stuff.
I love seeing that passion.
Mm-hmm.
Anyway, they moved up the
deadline for our progress report,
so we just got to
Can-can we back up a sec? It
seems like you're just moving on.
From what?
From my brilliantly researched idea.
- Right! No, it was great work.
- Mm-hmm.
Um, so innovative. Mm-hmm.
Anyway, uh, we need to
get all the data in to me
- as soon as possible.
- Okay.
All right. Uh, okay, I-I
see what you're doing here.
You're blowing me off.
After I went through
the trouble of composing
an original keytar score
for my presentation.
Marty, I love your idea, and I
I loved that score.
It was haunting.
Okay? You are
You're-you're a rock star.
But you're not gonna do
anything with it.
N-Not at this juncture, no.
O-Okay.
Look around you, Pat.
This room is filled
with some of the greatest
minds in the world,
and we're not gonna keep
bringing you innovative ideas
if we think it's pointless.
Fortune favors the bold.
And we are bold.
And we cannot nay,
nay
We will not be taking this anymore.
Who's with me?!
So are you saying we'd, like, quit?
No, no, no, no.
Not-not-not quit, per se,
but we won't be working.
Uh
You-you can't stop working.
I know. Okay.
Okay, we will be working, but
we just We just won't be taking this.
I'm kind of losing the
sense of what "this" is.
Hi. I'm Ingrid Katay. I'll be
representing Thaxton Capital,
the owners of the Pit Stop.
It's so nice to meet
you. I'm Dave John
Uh, Dave, what are you doing?
That's the enemy.
Calvin, this is a mediation.
The whole point is there are no enemies.
And you must be Mr. Butler.
How are you today, sir?
Wouldn't you like to know?
Good afternoon!
I'm Judge Fred Lampin, retired,
and I'll be presiding
over this mediation.
It's nice to meet you, Your
Honor. I'm Dave Johnson.
This is Calvin Butler.
Good afternoon, Your Honor.
And I must say, you look
very judgmental today.
You know, I watch all the judge shows,
and, I got to say,
I can't believe you don't have one.
Those shows make a mockery
of the judicial system.
That's why I tell my wife
to turn them shows off.
Hey, Emelia.
Thanks for getting the gang
together. It was a rough day.
No. Come sit next to me.
Oh. Ah
You don't want to sit
next to Derek. I get it.
I get it.
I don't know about you,
- but I really needed a drink.
- Mmm.
I applied the Tsiolkovsky
equation so many times today,
my cortex was about to melt.
Yeah, I've been there.
Listen, I was really taken
with what you said earlier.
Thank you. Thank you.
You know, I put so much thought
into that presentation.
The thing that I find most
interesting about Venus is
I don't care about Venus.
That's just an insane thing to say.
The way you spoke to Pat,
it was so bold.
Hmm.
I've never seen anyone
at work be so passionate.
They're all just really
uncomfortable and awkward.
I can't even remember the last time
I made eye contact with someone at work.
Ain't nobody else coming.
You inspired me, Marty.
To be bold, to take chances.
And now we're here.
Yeah.
Do you want to take a chance, too?
Well, I
Oh, all right. Whoa, whoa.
That's not a good idea.
That's not what your lips said.
My lips weren't saying anything
because your teeth were on them.
Your Honor, you've read the contract.
It is right there in black and white.
Clearly, the large sum
of money we paid Mr. Butler
has given him plenty of free time,
which he's now using to waste ours.
You see?
I told you not to be friendly with her.
It's frivolous.
You're frivolous. DAVE: Okay.
I-I think we need
to lower the temperature here.
Your Honor, with all due respect,
the sum my client was
paid is not the issue here.
He feels like they are
using his image in bad faith.
Okay, if I may
draw Your Honor's attention
to page 18 of the agreement.
Mr. Butler relinquished
all rights to the name and likeness
associated with Calvin's Pitstop.
Is this your signature, Mr. Butler?
Yes, it is, Your Honor,
but you have to understand,
it was next to a very
large check at the time.
So your legal argument
is you got distracted?
More like seduced, Your Honor.
Calvin, please, I'm
the professional here.
Let me do my job.
But you're not doing anything.
Well, you're not letting me talk.
Your Honor, what are we doing here?
Judge, can I see you in chambers?
I don't have chambers.
We're in an office building.
There's a dentist across the hall.
Okay, Your Honor,
then I'll say this in
front of this rude lady.
This caricature of me is defamatory.
It looks nothing like me.
- I agree.
- Thank you.
And if it looks nothing like him,
by definition, it can't be defamatory.
Wait Wait
Wait a minute. That's not what I meant.
I'm inclined to agree.
And combined with
the wording in the contract,
it's an easy decision
to allow the current owners
of Calvin's Pitstop to
continue use of the name
and image.
I think we're done here.
Wait No, I appeal!
I'm taking this to the top.
You mean the Planet Fitness
on the third floor?
- I don't like her.
- I know.
You know, sometimes I wonder
what I'm even still doing at JPL.
Nobody cared about my idea.
Except Emelia.
But then, that gave her other ideas.
You know what would drive her away?
- Hmm?
- Bust out your keytar.
Man, Prince played keytar.
- Did he turn women off?
- You are not Prince.
Please, please, please! Finish the test.
Gemma, is it really necessary
that everyone take this test?
Uh, yes, because you took it,
and it said that you should have
a career in music and teaching.
It nailed you.
So I'm going to keep
making people take it
until I can prove that it's stupid.
And I'm done.
Okay, come on, be wrong,
be wrong, be wrong, be wrong.
Aerospace engineer.
Damn it!
I mean, technically, my degree is in
Oh, spare me, Marty. Malcolm?
Huh? Uh, well, I got, uh
mushroom farmer.
- You did?
- Yeah.
No, you didn't.
No, uh
Yeah, you're right.
I got sports management.
Oh, crap.
Gemma, you can't take this so seriously.
Worst case scenario,
Grover's a lighthouse keeper.
That's a terrible scenario.
He'd be alone in a tower
flipping a light switch.
Well, what happened
to all that stuff about
letting kids be
whatever they want to be?
Oh, please, that's for
other people's kids.
I-I don't want to be here.
Calvin, come on.
You wouldn't let me mediate,
so at least let me help you
work through your feelings.
Now, this is called
exposure therapy, so
let's expose ourselves.
Say what?
Calvin, what is it about this
place that's so upsetting?
Everything.
All right, can you be
a little more specific?
I used to walk into this room,
and I was the most
important person here.
Everybody needed me. Now look at me.
Welcome to Calvin's.
Can I offer you an IPA?
Calvin, they are not mocking you.
They're celebrating you.
This place is called Calvin's because
it is a name that the
community trusts and loves.
And now you'll be remembered.
I mean, maybe not in the way
that you would have chosen,
but isn't it amazing just
to be remembered at all?
I'm not dead, Dave.
That's it. I'm leaving.
Okay, no, wait, just
As a therapist, I've never said
this to a client before, but
I think you should have a beer.
Hey, buddy. What are you watching?
SpongeBob.
Of course.
Can we talk for a sec?
Yeah, sure.
I don't want you to ever feel like
I'm going to be disappointed
if you follow your own path in life.
No matter what you become,
when you grow up,
the only thing that matters
is that you're happy.
Is this about that career test?
Yeah.
And even if you end up doing something
from the olden days
that you didn't even know
was, like, still a thing,
uh
Your dad and I will support you.
Mom, I have to confess something.
I just filled in random
answers on that test.
You did? Why?
Well, you made us take a test
at lunch. It was cutting
into my kickball time.
Oh, thank God you're
not a lighthouse keeper.
No, Mom, I told you,
I'm going to the NBA.
Ooh, nothing but net.
Oh, I love that sweet, delusional child.
See, this place isn't so bad, right?
Yeah, it's okay.
And I guess a beer is a beer,
no matter how stupid the name is.
Here you go, Calvin.
Two Sticky Piston pilsners.
On the house.
Why?
Come on, man. You're a legend.
You used to fix my dad's car. '78 Jag?
Oh, yeah.
Cheetah seat covers,
with a million miles on it.
You got it.
I made a grip off his dad.
Still runs great. You hungry?
How about a Calvin's Favorite?
Okay, you know what?
Here's the thing
about the Calvin's Favorite.
It's not Calvin's favorite.
If you're going to make
a dish with my name on it,
it should be something I'd actually eat.
Like a gas station hot dog.
Ah.
Let me talk to the chef.
Maybe he could put a spin on it.
Okay, that's what I'm talking about.
You know, Dave's Faves
would be scallops, but
Nobody's talking about Dave's Fave.
Uh, Calvin?
Yeah?
We just want to say we love your place.
Well, you know,
it's not my place, per se, but, uh
You know, it wouldn't
be here if it weren't for me,
so, I guess you can argue it's mine.
Hey, everybody,
a toast to the original Calvin.
I think my work here is done.
Uh, can I get a selfie?
Sure.
You know
I don't normally do this,
but, uh, hey, everybody,
get out your phones.