Weird Science s05e14 Episode Script

Picture this, the Patteron's pool, fancy speedboat ablaze, the hamster laid out on the tiny deck chair, sailing off to Valhalla.
We're not giving Wyatt's hamster a viking funeral.
- Trigger's dead? - We didn't know how to tell you.
How did it happen? Give it to me straight.
Loose hub on the exercise wheel.
Poor little guy never knew what hit him.
Oh, man.
I know this is a difficult time of great loss for you but I really think if we gave him a viking funeral it would take the sting out.
It's not fair.
I never even got a chance to say goodbye.
Lis, is there anything you can do to help? Consider it done.
- What the? - She killed us.
I'd be quick with those goodbyes.
You've got 90 seconds before extensive brain damage sets in.
Tch tch tch.
Something I've always wanted to tell you, but the moment ever seemed right.
So here goes.
Trigger, I Where are you going? I wasn't finished.
Ungrateful little weeny.
Now for the fun part.
- Ugh! - Ugh! Ooh, almost lost you there.
In the future, can we have final approval before you murder us? It gives me great pleasure to officially announce the refurbishing of Farber High's delapidated eye-sore of a west wing into a state of the art full service library facility.
Hey, Scampi! How about a state of the art poke in the eye? - Who the hell is that? - I don't know but I like her style.
Filtered air continuously piped in.
How would you like my foot piped into your bum? Good one.
What do you know? A ghost.
Let's get her.
Say, uh, Gary, do you remember having the uncarry supernatural ability to see ghostly appartitions before? Now that you mention it, no.
Relax will ya.
Probably just a touch of deadsight.
A residual effect of your jaunt to the afterlife.
Aah! She's getting away! It's clammy.
We're close.
- Do you fell that? - Yeah, my neck hairs are arching.
- Ooh! - Aah! - Aah! Fermaldahyde! Tacky! Go ahead, captain ghost chaser.
Ah! Ah, I'm scared now.
Probably just some bad cheese.
Aah! - Aah! - Aah! Boo! Ah ha ha! - Aah! - Aah! Knock it off.
You're scaring him.
Oh, the big bad Gary scared the poor little headless corpse.
If you're looking for your head it's in the fridge.
Watch the eyes.
Oh, way too freaky.
Sorry, didn't mean to scare ya.
But I did.
Boo! Boo, go away! Student's don't belong here.
Never mind, love.
He's a born rule follower, he's a little freaky that way.
Follower? I founded this school.
I made the rules you snot nosed hippie.
Why do you hate me? I love you.
I love everybody.
- That's why I hate you.
- Lay off, fuss pot! Fuss pot? At least I'm not the moron who cut his own head off.
Geez, one slip up with a band saw and everyone labels you a moron.
Hey, it's Mr Kabaysa.
You're a legend in shop class, man.
If I saved even one other head from being cut off it was worth it.
Why don't you cut your tongue off.
What's the scuttle butt on our lounge? It's official, Scampi's tearing it down.
This is our home.
Maybe we can help.
I'm a magic genie.
Magic genie? Far out.
Imagine you can do all sorts of amazing things.
You would, wouldn't ya? Who needs magic, we've got ghosts here.
Let's get them to haunt Scampi.
"To Nicole, don't forget who gave you your first set of wheels Happy Birthday Uncle Clive.
" Page 3 and up.
Yee-haw! Turning right here, get out of the way! Boo! Boo! Boo! I'm a haunted painting.
Don't build your library or you'll see me again, sometime, soon.
Boo! Curious, I'll be going this way now.
That was embarrasing.
Come and play with us, Clive.
Forever and ever and ever.
- Man! - Raincheck.
Yes! Cafeteria! Split pea soup, it's on every Thursday! Whoo! Safe, not even the most henious apparition would dare to violate the sanctity of a locked bathroom stall.
- Guess again.
- Aah! Leave our lounge alone! What do you want from me? If the teachers lounge is destroyed, we will haunt you forever.
Oh, no.
Not the unholy, swirly.
- Abandon your plans.
- Alright you win.
I promise I won't build the new library.
Whoo! I bet you Scampi's on the phone firing the contractors right now.
You've got to help me I'm being haunted by murderous ghosts.
Ghosts you say? Describe the apparitions.
Any exploding heads, melting flesh, eye sockets oozing maggots.
Well, they did try to give me a swirly.
I deal with the real violent entities.
If you've got a problem with swirly's call your mommy.
But there was a disembodied head in the toliet.
Was the toliet filled with blood? Yeah, sure, blood, brains, whatever, just get over here.
I'll be there.
Mother, I'm going out.
Hey, check it out.
A note from the ghosts.
"Thanks for all your help.
We've left you a gift in the locker.
" Trigger! Daddy missed you.
And this time I'm not going to wait to tell you how much I-- What the hell was that? Boys, are you alright? Lucky my gun slinging ghost hunter vaporized the nasty spectre vermin.
He killed my dead hampster.
You breathers better clear out.
I got a job to do.
And I'd hate to kill anything that ain't already dead.
You heard the man, he's got a job to do, make this school as clean, as people say.
Let's rock 'n' roll! We've got to get that guy before he blows our friends to kingdom come.
Okay, game plan.
Gary and I will go talk to Scampi and Lis, you handle to psycho raving lunatic.
I don't want to.
He smells like formeldahyde trade ya.
- No way.
- Just go.
They're really not bad ghosts.
They love this school.
All they want is to keep their teachers lounge.
The teachers lounge? That's where they live? Yeah.
So, if I were looking for the ghosts, the teachers lounge is where I might find them.
Sure bet.
All I said was the ghosts were in the teachers lounge stop hitting me.
Excuse me, ma'am.
Could you direct me to the teachers lounge, please.
Sure, just follow my zap.
Ah, looky looky, a magical being.
Judging from the pattern and blue color I'd say you're a computer genie capable of spontanious lightning magic which of course is no match for my mojo chicken bones.
Creepy.
You know, you should talk to the ghosts.
You'd like them.
Like them? Yes, the way they made the cafeteria a barf of pea soup particulary charming.
So if there's nothing more.
I'm afraid you leave us with no choice.
My model! My model! Stop, my model! You don't have to carry around that big gun just to impress me.
I like a guy with a heart.
And I know somewhere beneath that hard shell and those snake tattoos you're really just a regular guy.
I like you.
You want to go out for pie? Great, let's do pie.
As soon as I terminate these ghosts.
- Pick you up at 8:00.
- But I need pie now.
Damn! Here's your precious model.
Huh? What? This way Scampi and the ghosts will have to work it out.
Realeasing anger is the first step to communication.
Will he live to see the second step? Anybodies guess.
[ arguing ghosts .]
I'm scary, really scary! I was only trying to build a library for the kids.
[ whistling .]
Cool it, what are we going to this poor man.
Thank you, thank you, kind and beautiful spirit.
Beautiful? - Off with his head! - No.
Whatever happened to make love, not war? I'm prepared to love this man.
Love is good.
Give me love.
Has it occured to anyone that maybe we're the ones being selfish to this wonderfully dedicated educator.
Selfish? We're being evicted from our home.
- Hack his head off.
- No, no, no! We can work it out.
Tell him, miss, uh, didn't get your name.
Petula.
- Clive.
- Do you believe in free love, Clive? Free wild covered in mud love, that's me.
I know I said I would go for pie, but I have to wash my hair tonight, my dog died, my mom's visiting, I'm seeing somebody.
We're not letting you get through that door.
Yeah, you're not hurting our friends.
- Voodoo! - Stand firm.
It can only hurt you if you believe in it.
- Oh! - Oh! So if we build a new library in the east wing.
No, no the east wing, that's where Mr Henderson the drama coach lurks.
He popped a blood vessel yelling Stella in the 62 production of street car.
OK, how about the south annex them? No good.
Took out the whole egg headed lot of them.
Fine.
Is there a single spook free zone in the whole school where we can build the new library.
How about over the old library? Now there is an idea.
There are no ghosts here.
Tell that to my thermal guage.
It knows that ghosts are very cold.
Why don't you tell us dreams to me? Fantasy will set you free.
Stop, these are friendly spirits.
I'd step aside if I were you.
Don't you dare threaten me.
Your services are no longer required.
That's okay.
I'm not in it for the money.
It's more of a hobby.
You don't frighten me, you little pissant! Go fly near and far, fly away from here.
You don't know what we can find.
Why don't you come with me on a magic carpet ride.
That's an old song.
I sed to teach that in music appreciation class.
- Miss Petula? - Tommy Murdock? Ah! You were my favorite teacher.
You turned me onto rock.
From there I slipped into drugs and devil worship.
I've always wanted to thank you.
Is that little Tommy? Oh, my gosh! Remember me boy.
That's right.
Mr Kabas, Tommy, was the one who discovered my body.
Yeah, yeah.
I remember.
That's what pushed me over the edge.
Gee, it's great to see you guys again.
So you've not going to send them into oblivion? No.
Even through every dark thing inside me tell me to.
I can't.
These ghosts were my teachers.
They worked tirelessly day after day.
Shaping my mind, preparing me for the road ahead.
They made me the man I am today.
Ah, the rich rewards of the teaching profession.
Around my 8th birthday was when I discovered the wonder of putting bugs under my magnnefying glass, slugs that kind of thing.
Then I discovered the power of beezabub.
Do you like the pie? Want some more? How about you, Mom? Captioned by Grant Brown