Xena: Warrior Princess s05e14 Episode Script

[ Sighs .]
I don't want this watch.
Nothin' ever happens.
[ Bushes Rustle .]
Who goes there? Step forward! [ Guards Chuckling, Chattering .]
Hmm.
- Well, well.
- Hmm.
You know, this is Prince Dameron's road.
You'll have to pay the toll.
Toll? [ Patting Body .]
Oh.
Dear me.
I seem to be a little short at the moment.
Well, I'm sure we can sort something out.
[ Chuckling .]
Oh, I'm sure we can.
-[ Guards Chuckling .]
- [ Snaps Fingers .]
[ Man .]
Watch yourself.
Watch yourself.
- [ Groans .]
-[ Man .]
Take cover! [ Man #2 .]
Look out! [ Kiaiing .]
[ Men Yelling .]
[ Snarls .]
[ Exhales .]
Get her! [ Yelling .]
[ Coos .]
Shh! You'll give us away.
[ Screaming .]
[ Cooing .]
Mommy's working.
[ Yells .]
Oh! [ Whistles .]
[ Man Groans .]
[ Moans .]
That should ease the pain.
Can you stand? Yeah.
Xena, are you all right? Who were those archers? It doesn't make sense.
Who'd want to seize the road to Amphipolis? Ares.
Hey, Xena.
Have a change of heart? Well, my offer still stands.
I'm willing to protect you and your child-- at no small amount of personal risk, I might add.
And what if I decline? You ransack my hometown? Hold my mother hostage until I agree? Oh, you've got the wrong god.
There's another who deals in mortal blood.
[ Groans .]
Like all the gods, she knows your bundle of joy portends the demise of the Olympians.
Athena.
[ Horse Neighs .]
Report.
It is done.
We used your arrows, as you ordered, and spared the border guards to tell Xena that we're heading for Amphipolis.
Don't tell me one of those toll collectors laid a weapon on you? Xena was there.
You have my favor, Ilainus.
Always.
But take care.
It doesn't make you any less mortal.
I saw the child.
I could have killed her for you.
You're a fine warrior, Ilainus.
The most dangerous animal on earth is a mother protecting her young.
[ Horses Neighing .]
In the name of Zeus, I will kill the child myself.
[ Man Narrating .]
In a time of ancient gods-- [ Xena Yells .]
warlords and kings, a land in turmoil cried out for a hero.
She was Xena, a mighty princess forged in the heat of battle.
The power.
The passion.
-The danger.
- [ Kiaiing .]
Her courage will change the world.
Mom.
Here.
Xena! [ Cooing .]
Well, it's about time you brought my new little granddaughter for a visit.
[ Cooing .]
Listen, Mom, there'll be time for a family reunion later.
Right now, we've got to get you to safety.
Nana.
Hmm? Oh, who's your nana, hmm? Come on! Who's your nana? We allowed Xena to enter the village before cutting off the road behind her.
Amphipolis is completely surrounded.
Excellent.
You know my mind better than I do, Ilainus.
Who was it who said, "An army is a terrible thing to waste"? I think it was me.
My, my.
Legions from Rome standing with Cleopatra's royal guard, knights from Brittania and, of course, Athena's own elite archers.
- The best of the best.
I am all a-tingle.
- Mm.
You should attack here and here now before Xena can rally her defenses.
Athena doesn't need your help.
Nor any man's, it would seem.
Why are you here, brother? My survival is at stake too.
The child must die.
Oh.
Really.
Rumor has it that you made Xena an offer to spare the child if she gave you one of your own.
And rumor has it that she turned you down.
This isn't one of your little games to try and make Xena your plaything.
Zeus is dead, Ares.
Our father.
The prophecy is coming true, and Xena's child is the key.
Then why not attack now? The people of Amphipolis are loyal to me.
Give them time, and they'll deliver up the child without the need to spill blood.
Perhaps.
But where's the fun in that? [ Sighs .]
[ Chattering .]
All right, listen up! The last thing I wanted to do was to bring an army down on your heads, but I'm not sacrificing my child, not for the sake of a selfish pack of gods who don't give a damn about the human suffering they cause.
We've heard stories, Xena, about Eli and his teachings, - how his god raised you from the dead-- -[ People Muttering .]
that the age of the Olympian gods is over.
- Is that true? - [ Gabrielle .]
It is true.
The gods ruled us in fear.
Eli fought them with love.
I was with Eli when Ares struck him down.
We're not soldiers, Xena, but if your daughter is the one to bring about Eli's word, we'll do our best to protect her.
Thank you.
[ People Gasping, Chattering .]
Xena.
Athena.
I would say it's an honor, but considering you're here to kill my baby, I'll skip the formalities.
I am not unsympathetic, Xena, but consider the consequences of your actions.
You would deprive these people of their gods, their faith, for the life of one child? Hasn't this village given up enough of its children? I've already lost a son and a grandson I never even met.
[ Woman .]
Yes.
Well, I won't give up this child, not even for the gods themselves.
And all of you-- are you that eager to die for this child? [ People Murmuring .]
dddd [ Singing In Ancient Language .]
I don't want any of you to suffer.
Give me this child and you will receive my blessing.
dddd [ Continues Singing .]
dddd [ All Singing .]
The armies of Athena lay siege to this town.
You think you can fight them with a song? .]
dddd [ Singing Continues, Louder I've protected you for years, watched over you, and this is how you repay me? - So be it.
-dddd [ Singing Continues .]
You have chosen your fate.
dddd [ All Stop Singing .]
[ People Chattering .]
[ People Chattering .]
[ People Chattering, Shouting, Indistinct .]
Fire! Cover! [ Yelling, Screaming .]
Charge! [ Yelling .]
They're trying to break out here.
A frontal assault on one of our best units? It doesn't sound like a move Xena would make.
Could be a diversion.
I considered that, but Gabrielle's leading the attack.
Xena would never risk her second-in-command on a suicidal feint.
If Xena commands half the loyalty you do, my goddess, [ Explosions In Distance .]
Gabrielle would surely lay down her life to ensure Xena's escape.
I don't doubt Gabrielle's willingness to die, only Xena's willingness to lose her.
But what if Xena has no intention of losing her? Remember, Ilainus, a great commander always looks beyond what their opponent is doing to see if there's a deeper strategy.
[ Xena .]
These tunnels will take us beneath the battle.
With Gabrielle attacking, we'll come up behind the enemy and crush them between us.
A fine battle plan, Xena.
[ Explosion, Faint .]
But I'm afraid your friend Gabrielle won't be getting any reinforcements.
Where is she? She'll be here! Hold the line! Very clever-- using these tunnels to try and flank our positions.
I'd love to stay and compare strategies with you, but I'm in a bit of a hurry.
Oh, there's no rush, Xena.
You see, you're too late to save Gabrielle now.
Xena! I know who you are.
You're Athena's new champion-- Ilainus of Mycenae.
You heal quickly.
Or was that divine intervention? It's a shame that you had to run off last time we met.
I'd like to finish what we started.
Nothing would make me happier, but, very regrettably, I have my orders-- [ Laughing .]
to seal these tunnels.
Greek fire.
Run! You don't wanna do that.
[ Xena .]
Get out! [ Yelling .]
[ Yells .]
Some people just don't listen.
[ Coughing .]
That's not what I expected.
[ Groans .]
Here.
Come on.
Back to the trenches! [ Man .]
Let's go! [ Man .]
Come on, everyone! Back to the trenches! [ People Chattering .]
The wounded can still keep watch.
They're all committed, Xena, but we're down to half strength.
Half strength or full strength, we don't have the manpower to break the siege.
Athena could just sit out there until we starve to death.
There might be another way.
Xena, we can get Eve out of here.
Xena, we captured some of their armor in the last attack.
If you put it on, you can slip through these lines after dark.
Forget it.
It won't work.
If Athena thinks that Eve is gone, she will pull out.
This whole thing will be over.
No, it won't.
Don't you see? Athena has chosen Amphipolis because she knows I'll try to save these people.
She's ransoming their lives for Eve's, and every drop of blood that she spills is on my hands.
[ Man .]
Incoming! Get down! We should be out of the range of those arrows.
Get down! Hmm.
[ Kiaiing .]
[ Screaming .]
- [ Gasping .]
- [ Laughing .]
You all right, sweetheart? [ Whistles .]
[ Snaps Fingers .]
[ People Shouting, Indistinct .]
[ People Groaning, Crying .]
Sad, isn't it-- to be mortal.
They can't see me.
I came to talk to you.
Very well, then let's talk.
Why are you doing this, Athena? Ares I could understand.
He's always out for himself.
And Zeus was just clinging to power.
But you-- Of all the Olympians, you were the only one who ever seemed to deserve my respect.
I have no choice.
The Fates have decreed it.
Warriors like us make our own fate.
[ Exhales .]
I have a proposal for you-- a fair fight.
No tricks, no godlike powers.
And if I win, you spare Eve and leave these people in peace.
Tempting, but no.
The people need their gods, Xena.
They need something to believe in.
They have something to believe in.
If you listened to them, you'd know that.
[ Laughs .]
The cult of Eli? Do you really believe love will win this battle? I've poisoned your water supply.
What will you give them when they're dying of thirst? Love? -[ Baby Crying .]
- Eve? [ Crying Continues .]
Oh.
[ Shushing Softly .]
Don't panic.
She just needs changing.
Hey, Eve.
You're all right.
I worry about her though, Mom.
Listen, no matter what happens, thank you for letting me see my granddaughter.
She is so perfect.
[ Cooing .]
No, Mom.
It's me who should be thanking you.
Standing up to Athena like that was very impressive.
Please.
Facing down a god, I can handle.
[ Chuckles .]
Well, I raised you, remember.
[ Chuckles .]
Terrible twos, terrible threes, terrible 14s.
I'm sorry I made it so tough for you.
Oh.
Now, look, just listen for once.
In the end, it's worth all the heartache in the world just to see your child grow up strong and proud.
I'd like you to know what that's like, Xena.
I will, Mom.
I will.
Ares.
Ares! Ow.
Athena is beatin' you like a dog out there.
Put a poultice on it.
It's gotta sting.
Thanks.
Hey, don't feel bad.
After all, you're fighting the Goddess of Wisdom andWarfare.
- Don't forget weaving.
- So? - Ares.
- Hmm? I believe we discussed a deal.
"Deal.
" Deal, deal, deal, deal.
I don't know.
Did we? Cut the crap.
I'm ready to bargain.
You fight beside me, and we can defeat Athena.
Maybe we can.
Of course, if I side with you against my sister, then I become a pariah on Olympus.
So by helping you, my own fate is sealed.
Oh, I'm still interested.
I just wanna know-- what's in it for me? What's in it for you? Me.
You help me defeat Athena, and I'm yours.
You're mine? For years, you've been wanting me to be your warrior queen.
Well, I'm offering you my sword and the body that wields it.
It's, um-- It's very tempting.
But what about Olympus? Olympus is doomed.
Zeus is dead, and, whatever happens here, their reign is over.
You want immortality? A child is immortality, a legacy, a lineage.
You help me save my daughter, and you will be her father.
Through her, we can live forever.
Xena, I-- I'm offering you everything you ever wanted.
Take it.
[ Moans .]
No.
[ Out Of Breath .]
- No, you don't.
- What? You're up to something.
I have desired you from the very first time I saw you in battle.
And now, after all these years, after all the games-- the cat and the mouse, Will I? Won't I?-- "Ares, I'm yours.
Take me.
" Well, I'm sorry.
It's too easy.
I am offering you a deal, and I don't go back on my promises.
No.
No, you don't.
But you always come up with some way to mess with my head.
[ Footsteps Receding .]
This is crazy.
I'm a pig farmer, not a soldier.
How am I supposed to fight Athena? What are we supposed to do-- just hand over her little baby to get killed? If the gods will it, who are we to stand in the way? Athena's always protected us.
What do we know about this Eli and his way? All I know is he wound up on the end of Ares' sword.
What about the Twilight? It's a myth.
Athena's the Goddess of Wisdom, for cryin' out loud.
If she wants the child, I say we give it to her.
[ Running Footsteps .]
Do you wanna give Eve to Athena? [ Stammers .]
Does anybody else feel that way? We give up the baby and go back to our fields in peace until the next god comes along and they wantyourchild.
Or yours.
We're not fighting for Xena.
We're fighting for ourselves, for our right to be treated like human beings, not game pieces.
If any one of you is willing to give up their own child, then speak up, 'cause I will not have you fighting next to me.
Back to your posts.
Ares.
Ares, I need to talk to you.
Well, aren't I Mr.
Popular? I'm not here to play games.
I know that Xena made an offer to you.
You're telling the story.
If you lay a hand on her, I swear-- What? You'll do what? If you accept, you will destroy Xena.
You will turn her into exactly what she used to be-- a vicious killer.
Yeah, well, I kinda liked that Xena.
Did you? Then why are you so obsessed with who she is now? Tell me you don't feel anything for the real Xena, the good Xena.
Ares, if you make her do this, she will never love you.
You think she'd really give herself to me to save Eve? Has she ever said anything she doesn't mean? - Thank you.
- Don't do it.
[ Inhales, Sighs .]
So, sis, how goes the siege? I'm about to start catapulting dead cows into the village.
And a classic it is, but as much as I love the smell of rotting cow carcass in the morning, have you considered there might be another way to break the stalemate? Hmm? I might be able to convince Xena to leave our realm-- to take Eve where she can do no harm.
[ Laughing .]
And where would that be? Oh, you're thinking with your codpiece again, brother.
Do you really think Xena will be yours if you can save the child? Have you considered that maybe this prophecy is fulfilling itself? Think about it.
What can Xena's baby do to us really? Yet the more we fight amongst ourselves about the future of this one tiny child, the more vulnerable we become.
Because of this "one tiny child," Zeus is already dead.
If he'd left well enough alone, Hercules wouldn't have killed him.
And what if you're wrong, Ares? Is it worth the risk for one child or for one woman? There will be no compromise.
[ Grunting .]
[ Exhales .]
[ Chuckling .]
[ Xena .]
Hello, Ares.
Thought I might find you here.
Oh, yeah.
So, are we going to seal this deal or what? - Sounds like a plan.
- [ Clatters .]
- [ Slaps Body .]
- One thing.
Can I trust you to keep your end of the bargain? Yeah, sure.
Because I wouldn't want there to be any confusion.
No, no confusion.
I side with you against gods, save Eve.
Gotcha.
Excellent.
Whoa! [ Gasps .]
[ Moaning .]
Uh, d'you hear something? No.
No, no.
No, I heard fighting.
Perfect.
Now, where were me? [ People Screaming, Shouting, Indistinct .]
You all right? Mom? [ Explosions .]
[ People Screaming .]
Xena.
This is not what it looks like.
Yeah, it is.
I suppose it could be worse.
I mean, after all, he is a god.
Although I would have preferred Apollo or-- or maybe Hermes.
Excuse me? Hermes? With the wings on the feet? Oh, please.
Xena, Gabrielle has launched an attack on Athena's army.
Hey, wait, wait.
Wait, wait, wait.
What are you doing? I couldn't have planned this better myself.
I promised to help you and your daughter.
Now, if Gabrielle is attacking, she's providing us with the perfect cover.
What are you saying? Leave her, now while Athena's distracted.
Then I'll take you and your daughter someplace else.
No.
You're making a mistake.
I would've kept our bargain.
I know you would have.
I've gotta do this my way.
What a surprise.
Gabrielle tried to charge our lines.
We have her trapped.
They're getting desperate.
End this for me, Ilainus, before all of Amphipolis is destroyed.
Put an arrow in the young bard.
We'll see how long Xena will resist while her companion slowly bleeds to death.
Stop the attack.
Stop the attack! [ Man .]
Hold it! [ Man .]
Halt! Halt! Xena.
What are you doing? Get out of my way, Gabrielle.
I'm going to save these people and you.
- A wise decision, Xena.
- Pull back your army.
Of course.
You heard her.
Pull back! [ Punch Lands .]
Okay.
[ Shushes Softly .]
It's for the best, Xena.
Don't make it worse with your platitudes.
Do it.
While she's asleep, do it.
You might want to look away.
If my daughter is to be sacrificed to save these people, the least I can do to honor her is to remember every detail.
Not so fast, sis.
Ares! Get out of my way! You know, they say blood is thicker than water, but blood runs hardest when love is involved.
You're really whipped, aren't you? Oh, now that ain't nice.
[ Electricity Crackling .]
- Gabrielle, now! - Attack! [ Yelling .]
[ Yells .]
Let's see how you do without your goddess's back.
[ Groans .]
Not bad.
What's the matter, bro? - Worried about your girlfriend? - Me? No.
[ Straining .]
- Worried about yours? -[ Grunts .]
- [ Groans .]
- Ilainus! [ Man .]
Retreat! [ Gasping .]
My goddess-- Ilainus.
-[ Man .]
Retreat! - This way! [ Moans .]
Your wound is beyond my healing.
Do I still have your favor, Athena? Always.
Always.
[ Dying Gasp .]
Take a good look, Ares.
We're next, all of us.
[ Man .]
This way! This way! [ Yells .]
[ Cheering .]
Xena.
Are you okay? Yeah, I'm fine.
Did you and Ares-- No.
Not yet.
Shall we conclude our transaction, Xena? You know, it's really kind of you, Ares, but I don't think I'm gonna have to take you up on your offer after all.
- I saved your chi-- - [ Clatters .]
[ Clattering .]
You saved my dolly.
- Wh-- -[ Clatters .]
Why do you continue to deny us? We had a deal.
When we were fightin' side by side, it was like we were one.
Back there in the temple, can you tell me you didn't feel anything? I felt nothing.
[ Laughs .]
This isn't finished.
As long as your child lives, they'll keep coming, and then you're gonna have to come to me for help.
I felt something.
Xena.
You all right? Hey, Eve.
Yeah.
Yeah, I'm fine.
You guys cut it pretty fine with that attack.
- [ Scoffs .]
- Nearly ran out of foreplay.
Just about had to go through with it.
[ Laughs .]
When someone invents an accurate timekeeping device, then I can synchronize our plan better.
Yeah.
And that bomb was a little much, you know.
Wasn't like I was wearing anything.
I mean armor.
[ Laughs .]
I don't understand.
Gabrielle, you blew up Ares' temple? We had to start the battle somehow.
Otherwise, you would have had to have gone through with the deal, right? So you two planned the whole thing? [ Cooing At Baby .]
Oh, what am I gonna do with you two? Come on.
Xena? Hmm? Did you say that you felt something? No.
No, I think I heard you.
You-- You said you felt something.
Gabrielle, I said no such thing.
Oh, really? Maybe a little something.
What?