Awkward s05e15 Episode Script

1 Previously on "Awkward" He is your ex, right? - Not even friends.
- What happened? I'm transferring to Wycoff.
I don't know if I want you here.
- I'm leaving.
- Don't worry about Jenna.
You are in New York City.
Luke? Jenna? I'm a little surprised by what I'm seeing.
I can't say that I'm pleased.
In fact, I'm pretty annoyed.
Whenever you come in early to write, always make sure there is a fresh pot of coffee.
Oh.
Sorry, Lizzy.
We just got so caught up in writing.
I love writing.
And I love your work ethic, Jenna.
Well, I would love it more if you got published, but today, you are my favorite editorial fellow, despite the coffee incident.
Ophelia's piece on how weird her boobs are has gotten so much traffic, it has crashed the servers.
She's my favorite fellow.
Well, it was good while it lasted.
Well, just because the servers aren't connecting doesn't mean that we shouldn't.
Connection That is what we need with our readers, and we connect by exposing ourselves in our writing.
Jenna, your pieces haven't had the certain raw vulnerability our Idea Bin readers want.
Think.
How can you expose yourself? Well, um, my boobs are pretty normal, so It's not about your normal boobs, Jenna.
This is about authenticity.
Let's do an exercise.
I'm gonna ask you a question, and you're going to be truly honest with me, as honest as I want you to be in your writing.
For example, describe your last sexual experience.
[quirky electronic music.]
[gunshot.]
My last sexual experience was recent.
And? Yeah, Jenna.
Tell us more.
What could I say? I was supposed to be writing last night, and instead, I slept with Luke.
Idea Bin was my big shot, and I couldn't mess it up by getting distracted with Luke drama.
It was no big deal.
Oh, so it sucked.
No.
No, no, no.
It was great.
It's just that no one should read too much into it, you know? No, not really.
[door clicks.]
You are so insightful.
And you've reached so many people.
You remind me of myself.
Call a doctor, Oph, 'cause you broke the Internet.
- Boom.
- Thanks, you guys.
You know, I'm just really glad that people responded to my honesty.
- And your brilliance.
- [scoffs.]
Max, Mia, come with me.
We're gonna do a writing exercise.
Max, tell me about the first time your mother made you cry.
[relaxed music.]
I had to admit it.
I was jealous of Ophelia.
She was part of the cool kid clique.
Idea Bin was just like high school, except now, the popular people were smart, accomplished writers.
It was time for me to get in with the in crowd.
Hey, Ethan.
Want to grab lunch later? There's this awesome new vegan place.
Huh? Oh, sorry Jenna.
Love you.
Mean it.
But I'm writing a follow-up quiz to Oph's piece called "What Weird Celebrity Boobs Do You Have?" Talk later, 'kay? Sure.
Ethan might be a tough one to crack, but Ophelia, if nothing else, was all about sharing.
Congrats, Oph.
- I loved your piece.
- Mm, thanks.
- That means a lot.
- Okay.
Clearly I had to initiate the friendly conversation.
So do you have a boyfriend? Oh, I don't believe in monogamy.
But I do have a crush on someone in the office.
He's smart, nice, cute.
Was she talking about Luke? No, I shouldn't care.
[whispers.]
It's Ethan.
But Ethan's Oh, I am dying to hook up with a gay guy.
It would be such good material, and he'd probably text me back.
You know, I've only had one night stands? - Not on purpose.
- I'm sorry.
[computer chimes.]
- Do you want to talk about it? - Not really.
Anyways, Lizzy just IMed me that your last sexual experience was "recent and no big deal.
" Hearing my own words back, I realized how harsh I sounded.
No big deal? If a guy said that to me after we slept together, I'd probably cry or slap him or both.
Word travels fast around here.
- [computer chimes.]
- Oh, Ethan is too much.
Okay, see ya.
[upbeat rock music.]
Truth was, Ethan and Ophelia weren't letting me into their cool kids' club because I hadn't been published.
Clearly I needed to write something amazing that would get published on the Idea Bin site.
But first, I had to clear things up with Luke and nip any drama in the bud.
So no biggie, but I totally got us a VIP table and bottle service tonight at Roundelay for your mother-effing birthday.
Shut up.
- You are welcome.
- A bottle service? Does that mean Morgan can come? No.
Sorry.
I'm pretty sure they don't let babies in.
But no thanks necessary.
The bouncer is totally friends with Rene at Teflon.
No way.
That is so clutch.
Who's Rene at Teflon? Teflon is a club in New York Tamara - and I go to all the time.
- All the time.
- And Rene's the bouncer there.
- And our BFF.
O-M-G, remember the time he kicked out Orlando Bloom? That was amaze.
And we were like Both: "Bye.
" Neat.
I can make cupcakes.
Thanks, Liss, really, but I don't think the club allows outside food.
Anyway, cupcakes are so 2005.
You have got to try the crogel.
- It's all about the crogel.
- Crogel? Both: Croissant bagel.
Sounds ethnic.
T, I can totally help pay for bottle service, by the way.
That [bleep.]
is expensive.
Oh, yeah, uh, how much do you need? Like 20 bucks? You might want to add a zero to that.
Bitches, please.
The birthday girl doesn't pay for anything.
And thanks, Lissa, but it's on me.
[relaxed instrumental music.]
Waiter.
I need a refill on my marg.
I am not the waiter.
I'm a manager.
And you know my name is Jake.
I'd be happy to send a waiter over for you, though.
I want it from you.
No one else makes them right.
I'm sorry, Ally.
I mean, Miss You know my husband's on the board of this club.
- Of course I do.
- So that makes me your boss.
And as your boss, I want a [bleep.]
marg.
- Fine.
- [laughter.]
- Sip? - Oh, sure, thanks.
Oh, what is that, vodka? Boom, gotcha.
What are you doing? You guys are children.
Both of you go to Berkeley.
Isn't that supposed to be a good school, not a kindergarten? And, Sully, I know it's your first week here, but there's no drinking at work, when you're lifeguarding, obviously.
Sorry, boss.
I mean, there's no one in the pool.
But I see your point.
We're sorry.
We will stop.
Good.
I got to go get a friggin' marg.
[laughs.]
Stop it.
I swear, that was my last prank.
Well, now I got to get you back.
- Oh.
- Right, yeah.
Give me that bottle.
Uh, but that's [quirky electronic music.]
- Okay.
- [sighs.]
I like her.
[laughs.]
I knew it would hurt Luke when I told him that we couldn't date, but I knew he appreciated honesty and maturity.
[relaxed music.]
Hey, I'm sorry if what I said earlier with Lizzy sounded harsh.
What I meant to say was that I like you and that's why we can't start dating.
- Come again? - It's just that I need to concentrate on work and if we're making out, then I'm going to be concentrating on that, and I-I really need to get published and I can't have any drama.
Plus, I-I wouldn't want anyone to think I'm only here because of you.
Jenna, it's cool.
Like you said, it's no big deal.
The server's up.
I got to get back to work.
Right.
Back to work.
He had taken the news well, really well.
So why did I wish he hadn't? Then I realized I did like Luke, like, like liked Luke.
Like, drama.
Luke and I had agreed that our one night stand had been no big deal, but why had he agreed? And so quickly? Had he not enjoyed himself? I needed some BFF analysis ASAP.
[line trilling.]
Hey.
I slept with Luke last night.
O-M-G.
I know, and I told him it couldn't happen again, but then he said it was no big deal.
- That is a big deal! - Yeah.
But You look like the ultimate birthday bitch in that dress.
- You have to wear it.
- Who are you talking to? Oh, sorry.
I'm talking to Sadie.
Wait, you slept with Luke? Jenna, we know how this story ends.
Luke ends up getting stuck on a mountain - 'cause you run after Matty.
- Yeah, I know.
It's drama.
Which is why we can't date, but I like him.
Uh-huh.
No.
Sadie, hair down.
Okay, maybe now's not the best time to talk.
Wanna have a sleepover? Pizza, pajamas, "Sound of Music" sing-a-long? I feel like we haven't spent any time together and I could really use a friend and I definitely don't have any at work.
Oh, bummer summer, Jenna.
I already have plans.
- Don't say [bleep.]
.
- What are your plans? I-I'm going to Sadie's birthday party.
Okay, well, well, I could come, couldn't I? - And we could hang there? - Yeah, totally.
I just didn't think to mention it, because, you know, you hate Sadie and Matty and Sully are gonna be there.
As much as I wanted to be mad at Tamara for not inviting me, I couldn't blame her.
A night trying to reconnect with her surrounded by Sadie, Matty, and Sully wasn't ideal.
I don't care.
Count me in.
Okay.
Roundelay at 9:00.
Wait, Roundelay? That douchey club in Hollywood? O-M-G, Roundelay? I love Roundelay.
Uh, I mean, Roundelay? More like Round-a-yay.
- I'll be there.
- I didn't think you'd be the type that would party at Roundelay.
Yeah, I love that place.
I'm there, like, all the time.
Ethan thought I was cool.
I had to strike while the iron was hot.
- You should come.
- Where? - Roundelay.
Chic, right? - Totally.
I want to come.
- We'll be there.
- Awesome.
It starts at 9:00.
Luke, you should come too.
- Can't.
I have drinks tonight.
- Ooh.
- You got a hot date, hon? - Maybe.
Luke had a date? Or worse, he didn't, and he was trying to hurt me.
Wait.
Would that be worse? Ugh, how could avoiding drama be so much drama? Rude.
I can't believe you invited Hamil-taint to my birthday.
I know, but I was in an awk posish.
Whatever.
It's time to extend another invite.
I'm having Mexican for my birthday.
Reality check.
Your ex-BF has a current GF.
Like that matters.
Sergio has to come tonight, and then he has to have sex with me.
That's, like, the law of birthdays.
[upbeat dance music.]
Man, this is living.
Hey, Jake, you want to open that beer for me? Okay.
[laughter.]
Ah, jeez.
Ugh.
I may have shaken that one up a bit.
- Ha-ha.
- Suls, no pranks at work.
It's after work.
Jake thinks it's funny.
Right, Jake? Yeah, right.
Sorry, dude.
I now our pranks are annoying to everyone except us.
Let's get you cleaned up.
So You want to do body shots? [nervous chuckle.]
No.
Huh.
Sully's something.
I know she can be a lot but we're just having fun.
You know what? It is so nice to be with a girl who's not constantly analyzing things and wanting to DTR and stuff.
Yeah.
Sully seems more like the DTF type.
For sure.
She was hot enough to break the law [laughs.]
The coolest thing about her, though, is underneath all her bro-ishness, I mean, she actually has a romantic side.
Yo, McKibben! Oh! You're a baller! [laughs.]
[laughs.]
Yeah, super romantic.
Ooh.
I'd come full of optimism, but the club was empty.
Tonight was supposed to be about reviving old friendships and making new ones with my coworkers, but it looked like all my coworkers had ditched me.
Except for Luke.
Thought you had a maybe date.
Yeah, well, I knew you were gonna show up to this awful club on time and everyone else is gonna be an hour late, so I canceled it.
I hated to think of you sitting alone, especially when the only other person here is that dude.
I had been trying to ignore how much I liked Luke, but now it was just impossible to deny.
Luke was a truly great guy.
Not to mention looking hotter than ever.
So are Ethan and Ophelia coming? Ethan texted me saying that Ophelia invited him over to her place for mojitos and massage, and Ophelia texted saying she was gonna try to hook up with Ethan, but I'm pretty sure that meant hang out, not hook up.
- Right? - No, I think she meant hook up.
I know it's dumb, but I really want them to think I'm cool.
I mean, that's probably why they didn't come tonight, because they think I'm an unsuccessful loser.
Are you kidding me? They didn't show up 'cause they're flakes.
You're cooler than both of them combined.
So can I buy you a $20 gin and tonic? How 'bout a $15 beer? I'm a cheap date.
[techno music.]
[giggles.]
Ooh.
What do I have to yank to get a beer around here? [whispers.]
This guy.
At these prices, I can see why someone would turn to prostitution for a drink.
It's natural.
[upbeat club music.]
This is where the party's at.
Kill me now.
Admitting you're counterfeit You got me, I must admit Twist your tiny lies into the truth Spinning a web with your fantasies Hey, I need a marg.
And the bartender's phone number.
Waiter! I don't work here, psycho! You're pushing me out with your jealousy Okay, one drink.
Marg with salt! I know.
You're pushing me out with your jealousy Oh! This is pure ginger ale.
There's no booze in it.
Gotcha! Ha-ha! Even.
- Even.
- Okay.
- Definitely.
- We're done.
- Uh-huh, totally.
Yes.
- Okay, thank God.
Forget just what you are - Yeah.
Mm-hmm.
- Well, well, well.
Looks like Sergio showed.
Told you.
Touché.
And I'll buy every piece of it - I knew you'd come.
- Really? - Did you sit in sugar? - What? 'Cause you have a sweet ass.
Ugh.
Save it.
Two shots of tequila.
Hi.
Do you two know each other? - Sadie, are you okay? - Not now, Lissa.
I'm busy.
Eyes back onto you You're pushing me out with your jealousy You're pushing me out with your jealousy You're sending me a lot of mixed messages.
Shut up.
You're pushing me out with your jealousy Whoo.
[driving techno music.]
I'm gonna head to the bathroom.
Why don't you go hang out with Tamara? I think I will.
- I'll be right back.
- Okay.
Finally, to do what I came here for.
No, not to tip a bathroom attendant $5 for handing me a paper towel; to spend time with my best friend.
Where do we belong? [gasps.]
Happy birthday, ho.
T, you're the best.
Wow.
Bottle service.
Isn't that really expensive? Who's paying for this? Oh, don't worry.
They'll pay.
Boys always pay, especially when it's a girl's birthday.
[whispering indistinctly.]
Whatever ended up happening with that guy in New York? Uh, Jenna, sorry, I have to put in the time if Bachelor Number One and Bachelor Number Two are gonna pick up the tab, so can we have this convo later? Yeah, in like five minutes? Like five hours.
Sure thing.
I'll leave you guys alone.
Had Tamara changed so much since high school? Had I? Maybe I just had to accept that we'd both gone too far in different directions.
I felt like I didn't know who my friends were anymore.
Well, I did know one.
As the first time, as the first time But the feeling slipped away To red, green, blue, and then I saw you In the airport - Mm, thank you.
- It's the same thing - Cheers.
- [phone beeps.]
I watched the tiles slip away Into the restroom - Yeah.
- You should go after her.
I don't know.
Come on.
She's obviously upset.
She needs her best friend.
But I don't think she is my best friend anymore.
Well, then go get her back.
But the vision slipped away Into nothing Ran down my brain stem and out my fingers I felt the cold air And touched your black hair, the rush of Hey, that guy just grabbed my ass.
The colors screened you Is that how you treat a lady? Lady? Sully? No, no, no, no.
She-she-she's just kidding.
It's just this thing we do.
Seriously, Sully, just tell this gentleman that you were joking.
- Joking.
- How do you know her name? What are you, a stalker? Whoa, whoa.
Let's just why don't we calm it down? The colors screened you Hey, why don't you relax, bro? [crowd gasps.]
I'm not your bro, bro.
Through the desert [crowd gasps.]
[glass shatters.]
Sully, what the hell? Dude, I just saved your life.
- You're out here.
- Yeah, I'm going.
My champers! Sully! [upbeat dance music.]
Good night, Roundelay! Whoo! [grunts.]
Do you want to go after Matty? See if he's okay? There was no part of me that wanted to follow Matty McKibben.
For the first time, I didn't feel anything for him not love, not hate, just indifference.
No, I don't.
Want to get out of here? Absolutely.
[upbeat club music.]
Your card was declined.
The guys didn't pay for it? What guys? I ran your card.
It was declined.
And you're not going anywhere until you pay me.
But I can't.
Oh, I just wanted Sadie to have a nice birthday.
Do I need to call my manager? No.
No, no, no, no, no, no.
No.
Here.
Try this one.
[muffled music.]
He doesn't deserve you.
Party's over.
Time to go.
This was my second all-nighter with Luke this week.
The first one was great, but tonight felt special.
And no one even got naked.
I wonder if Ophelia managed to seduce Ethan? God, I hope I never find out.
[both chuckle.]
Hey I never thought in my wildest fantasy When I said I didn't want to date, why did you agree so quickly? What was I supposed to do, beg you? No, but you just jumped at the idea.
I respect that you want to do well at work.
I don't want to make you feel bad about it, but that said, I mean if you want to try again [relaxed music.]
I would be up for that.
I had been trying so hard to avoid drama with Luke that I hadn't realized I was the one causing it.
Things ended badly with Luke because I ran off after Matty.
But dating Luke when I was no longer hung up on Matty, that'd be like dating him for the first time.
- I think we should try again.
- Me too.
Show you I love you today