Doctor Who s05e15 Episode Script
Comic Relief Space Time
AMY: Hey you.
DOCTOR: Hey Listen, can we talk? .
ROREEEY! No shut up.
I've just got a question, that's all.
You OK up there? Yeah, fine, no problem.
What are you doing? Helping the Doctor! Ahm it's humming, is that OK? Yeah, it's fine, we're just entering conceptual space Imagine a banana or anything curved, actually don't, since it's not curved or like a banana Forget the banana.
Ahm ist he helping you fly the TARDIS? Oh, test of the couplings two, seven and eleven.
Like I showed you.
How come he gets to - you never let me have a go? Doctor? Go.
Seriously, I let her drive my car once.
To the end of the road.
Where, according to Amy, there was an unexpected house.
He's jealous because I passed my test first time.
You cheated.
You wore a skirt.
I didn't wear a skirt.
That would have worked too.
No, I did wear a skirt, but it was any old skirt.
Have you ever seen Amy drive, Doctor? No.
Neither did her driving examiner.
Actually, it was this one.
It was this skirt.
DULL EXPLOSION (What was that?) Rory, did you drop a thermo coupling? Sorry.
How did you do that? I told you, "Don't drop them.
" I specifically mentioned not dropping.
It was my fault.
Of course, it wasn't your fault.
It kind of was her fault.
How can it be her fault? It was my skirt, my husband and your glass floor.
Oh, Rory.
Sorry.
We've landed.
The emergency materialisation should be fine, should have locked onto the safest space available.
Doctor, what's happened? Safest spot available.
The TARDIS has materialised inside itself.
Is that supposed to happen? Take a guess.
No.
That's the one.
Well, what are you doing? I've absolutely no idea.
OK, that is a bit weird.
That is actually pretty cool.
Glad you're entertained, Rory.
Now that we're stuck here for all eternity, at least you won't be bored.
Wait! What? We're stuck? Inside of the TARDIS is now joined to outside of the TARDIS, worse than a time loop, a space loop.
Nothing can enter or leave this ship ever again.
OK, kids, this is where it gets complicated.
Who the hell are you? I'm you from your future Tell me exactly what's happened.
Well, the exterior shell of the TARDIS has drifted forwards in time.
If you step into the box now you step inside the control room a tiny bit into the past.
I don't understand.
Neither do I.
But you just said it.
No, I'm just repeting it.
I'm just remembering what I heard myself saying when I was standing where you are standing now and repeting it I'm just repeting this, too, and this and this.
Ah, I still don't understand.
You still don't.
OK, when does this Amy step into the box? We need to maintain the timeline.
Ah.
As soon as she's slapped Rory.
OK Ha No.
Why do I get slapped? Because we have to stick to the established chain of events.
One mistake and the whole timelime could collapse.
We'll end up with two Amy Ponds forever and then what would you do? Oh.
OK, you, into the Policebox, now.
And then I become her? Yes, go, go, go.
Do I really look like that? Yeah.
Yeah, you do.
I'd give you a driving licence.
I bet you would.
Oh, this is how it all ends - Pond flirting with herself(!) True love at last.
Oh Sorry, Rory.
Absolutely no problem at all.
Now, Amy.
What's the first line? OK, kids, this is where it gets complicated.
Gotcha.
So, is that it? Are we OK now? No, we're still trapped.
What are you doing? You told us to get into the police box.
Fromfrom your point of view, you're about to tell us to get into the police box.
From our point of view, you just told us to get into the police box, which is why we got in the police box, which is why we're here.
Do I have to remember all of that? It just sort of happens.
Hi.
Hi.
Stop that! You two, into the police box now.
Run.
So.
What now? You two stay where you are.
What are you doing? I'm setting up a controlled temporal implosion.
It's the only way to reset the TARDIS but unless I find exactly the right lever to control the implosion we're all gonna die.
You don't know which leaver.
No, but I'm about to find out.
The wibbley leaver! The wibbley leaver.
Thank you! OK.
We're back in normal flight, the TARDIS is no longer inside itself, the localised time field is no longer about to implode and rip a hole in all causality, but just in case Pond, put some trousers on.
DOCTOR: Hey Listen, can we talk? .
ROREEEY! No shut up.
I've just got a question, that's all.
You OK up there? Yeah, fine, no problem.
What are you doing? Helping the Doctor! Ahm it's humming, is that OK? Yeah, it's fine, we're just entering conceptual space Imagine a banana or anything curved, actually don't, since it's not curved or like a banana Forget the banana.
Ahm ist he helping you fly the TARDIS? Oh, test of the couplings two, seven and eleven.
Like I showed you.
How come he gets to - you never let me have a go? Doctor? Go.
Seriously, I let her drive my car once.
To the end of the road.
Where, according to Amy, there was an unexpected house.
He's jealous because I passed my test first time.
You cheated.
You wore a skirt.
I didn't wear a skirt.
That would have worked too.
No, I did wear a skirt, but it was any old skirt.
Have you ever seen Amy drive, Doctor? No.
Neither did her driving examiner.
Actually, it was this one.
It was this skirt.
DULL EXPLOSION (What was that?) Rory, did you drop a thermo coupling? Sorry.
How did you do that? I told you, "Don't drop them.
" I specifically mentioned not dropping.
It was my fault.
Of course, it wasn't your fault.
It kind of was her fault.
How can it be her fault? It was my skirt, my husband and your glass floor.
Oh, Rory.
Sorry.
We've landed.
The emergency materialisation should be fine, should have locked onto the safest space available.
Doctor, what's happened? Safest spot available.
The TARDIS has materialised inside itself.
Is that supposed to happen? Take a guess.
No.
That's the one.
Well, what are you doing? I've absolutely no idea.
OK, that is a bit weird.
That is actually pretty cool.
Glad you're entertained, Rory.
Now that we're stuck here for all eternity, at least you won't be bored.
Wait! What? We're stuck? Inside of the TARDIS is now joined to outside of the TARDIS, worse than a time loop, a space loop.
Nothing can enter or leave this ship ever again.
OK, kids, this is where it gets complicated.
Who the hell are you? I'm you from your future Tell me exactly what's happened.
Well, the exterior shell of the TARDIS has drifted forwards in time.
If you step into the box now you step inside the control room a tiny bit into the past.
I don't understand.
Neither do I.
But you just said it.
No, I'm just repeting it.
I'm just remembering what I heard myself saying when I was standing where you are standing now and repeting it I'm just repeting this, too, and this and this.
Ah, I still don't understand.
You still don't.
OK, when does this Amy step into the box? We need to maintain the timeline.
Ah.
As soon as she's slapped Rory.
OK Ha No.
Why do I get slapped? Because we have to stick to the established chain of events.
One mistake and the whole timelime could collapse.
We'll end up with two Amy Ponds forever and then what would you do? Oh.
OK, you, into the Policebox, now.
And then I become her? Yes, go, go, go.
Do I really look like that? Yeah.
Yeah, you do.
I'd give you a driving licence.
I bet you would.
Oh, this is how it all ends - Pond flirting with herself(!) True love at last.
Oh Sorry, Rory.
Absolutely no problem at all.
Now, Amy.
What's the first line? OK, kids, this is where it gets complicated.
Gotcha.
So, is that it? Are we OK now? No, we're still trapped.
What are you doing? You told us to get into the police box.
Fromfrom your point of view, you're about to tell us to get into the police box.
From our point of view, you just told us to get into the police box, which is why we got in the police box, which is why we're here.
Do I have to remember all of that? It just sort of happens.
Hi.
Hi.
Stop that! You two, into the police box now.
Run.
So.
What now? You two stay where you are.
What are you doing? I'm setting up a controlled temporal implosion.
It's the only way to reset the TARDIS but unless I find exactly the right lever to control the implosion we're all gonna die.
You don't know which leaver.
No, but I'm about to find out.
The wibbley leaver! The wibbley leaver.
Thank you! OK.
We're back in normal flight, the TARDIS is no longer inside itself, the localised time field is no longer about to implode and rip a hole in all causality, but just in case Pond, put some trousers on.