Full House s05e15 Episode Script

Whoa, whoa, whoa.
Nicky, take it easy.
Save some room for the Peking duck.
Just a little pre-solid food humor.
Oh, I can't believe I have to go back to work already.
I'm gonna miss my pookey bears so much.
You'll see them in an hour.
You're putting them on your show today.
Yeah, but what if they do something cute? What if they learn to talk? I'll have them call you.
Okay, let's roll.
Today's our big "Farewell Vicky Show.
" And? And our even bigger "Welcome Back Becky Show.
" You and Vicky were going pretty hot.
Thought you'd be down about her leaving.
Down? Me? Mr.
Up? Mr.
Life-Of-The-Party? Oh, yeah, man, let the good times roll.
Why did she have to go? Morning, everyone.
- Morning.
- Good morning.
What are we looking at, Ranger Joe? Nothing.
I have a stiff neck.
Boy, sure hope my neck loosens up before my show or it's gonna be bird watching day.
Yeah, we can look for woodpeckers.
Well, Joey, keep your chin up.
Guess you have no choice.
Forget it.
You cannot borrow my clothes.
- Please? - No.
- Please? - No.
Please, please, please? I'll do it.
No, no, no.
Remember, my clothes are untouchable, off-limits.
This means you.
Understand? I understand.
Not.
I'm wearing D.
J.
's sweater.
She's gonna have a cow.
All right.
Lunches.
Kisses.
All right, have a good day at school.
Doing all right, boys? [PHONE RINGING.]
Don't get up.
I'll get it.
Talk to me.
Speaking.
Guys, it's the record company.
Tell me you love the song.
You like the song.
Well, maybe you can learn to love it.
I mean, as a kid, like, I hated blue cheese.
I thought it was like eating, like, sweat socks, but-- No, really.
But eventually, I-- Right.
Okay.
I'm sorry too.
Bye.
Boys your old man got rejected again.
But you still love me, right? That's what I thought.
Now, we're all in the same boat.
Out-of-work high-fives.
Out-of-work high-fives, come on.
ANNOUNCER: Wake up! Wake up, San Francisco.
I'm Danny Tanner.
And I'm Vicky Larson.
Today is my last day because Rebecca Donaldson is back from maternity leave.
I'm gonna miss you, Danny.
Oh, Vicky.
You know, I just forgot, we're still on camera.
But, Vicky, I have a big surprise for you.
I spoke to our station manager.
He wants you to do weather reports here on Wake Up, San Francisco.
Isn't that wonderful? It would be except this morning I was offered an incredible job anchoring the news in Chicago.
Chicago? The Windy City? You'll have to wear a hat.
You'll get hat hair.
Why don't we talk about this after the show - because Rebecca's waiting to come-- - Chicago? Didn't they have a really big fire there? It was over a hundred years ago.
I'm sure it's out by now.
Hi, I'm Rebecca Donaldson and I'm welcoming myself back to the show.
Welcome back, Becky.
Why, thank you, Becky.
- Welcome back.
- Welcome back.
Thank you.
Thank you, Vicky.
Thank you very much.
I would like all of our viewers to meet the two reasons that I've been out of work for the last eight weeks: Nicky and Alex.
Come on in, boys.
Hi.
Hi, baby.
And, everybody, this is my wonderful husband, Jesse.
Say hello, honey.
Hello, honey.
And these are our boys.
They're identical twins.
Oh, except Alex has a birthmark on his tushy just like his daddy.
- I'm out of here.
- Oh, no.
Honey.
Honey.
Come on.
I am so proud of this guy.
Do you know what he's gonna do today? He is going to take care of the kids do the shopping, do the laundry, and cook us a wonderful dinner.
Yeah, right after that, I'm gonna wrestle a bobcat with my bare hands.
Have mercy, 14 pounds.
You guys been sneaking to the kitchen, eating cheeseburgers at night? All right, there you go.
Here we go.
Fellas, you see this? This is what you're gonna look like if you don't start growing hair.
Come on.
I got our dinner, Uncle Jesse.
Hold it.
I'm not buying all that junk food.
You better buy these cookies.
I already ate four.
I mean, five.
Billy Bunny cereal.
I gotta have it.
Hold it, Michelle.
Hold it.
Let me tell you something.
Just because there's a goofy character on the box doesn't mean the product's any good, all right? Oh, my God.
Elvis peanut butter.
Uncle Jesse, isn't that the same thing as Billy Bunny cereal? No, it is not.
Elvis is a man, not a cartoon.
Now, what do you guys want? Smooth or Hunka Hunka Chunka? We'll take both.
All right.
Hey, Nicky, how you do--? - Did we bring any diapers? - Diapers, aisle three.
All right, I got an idea.
Come here, pal.
Here we go.
Here, this ought to keep you smelling pine fresh till we get there.
All right, girls, we need milk and bread.
Got it.
No more junk food.
Hey, I saw you on TV this morning.
Really? Thank you.
You're Rebecca's husband, Jesse Donaldson.
- It's Katsopolis.
Jesse Katsopolis.
- Whatever.
I'm George and it's nice to meet another househusband.
I'm not a househusband.
I'm a musician.
Yeah, I'm a screenwriter.
I'm just doing this because my career's temporarily on hold, okay? I said the same thing to my wife when she went back to work.
That was four years ago.
So for four years, all you've done is take care of the kids and the house? Of course not.
I mean, there's shopping and carpools and oh, my favorite soap, General Hospital.
Listen, I gotta run.
I'll see you Thursday, double coupon day.
Hope I can sleep Wednesday night.
These Funky Franks are pretty good.
I better try a few more just to make sure.
Uh-oh.
What have I done? I got mustard on D.
J.
's sweater.
She's gonna have a cow.
Tell me something I don't know.
Yesterday, I dropped your toothbrush in the toilet.
All right, come on girls, let's go.
All we need are paper towels.
I'll get one.
Wait, hold it, Michelle.
Hold it, hold it, hold it.
- I'm just trying to help.
- Well, thank you.
But you never take from the bottom.
Always take from the top.
Like this, you see? I could've done that.
I set the table, Uncle Jesse.
Thank you.
I'm too full to eat dinner, Uncle Jesse.
Now I know why they call them Funky Franks.
All right.
Michelle, take one plate away.
Now you see it, now you don't.
[BUZZING.]
That's my laundry.
I'm gonna go check on the boys.
I'll be right back.
I threw D.
J.
's sweater in.
I hope that mustard stain came out.
[SCREAMS.]
It shrank! That won't fit my Barbie.
- Hi.
- Deej, my loving sister.
How nice to see you.
I'm just going to go in the living room and, oh, practice my moonwalk.
Steph, the '80s are over.
Oh, girls, just in time for dinner.
Oh, sorry, Uncle Jesse, but Kimmy and I are gonna go study at the library.
We'll catch a burger on the way.
Is that the thanks I get after slaving over a hot stove all day? Boy, you sound just like my mom.
Only more bitter.
There goes another plate.
Hey, Jess.
Did you lose something? Yeah, the use of my neck.
I tried to crack it myself.
You know, it's amazing how many people need shoeshines.
Where's Becky and Danny? They said to tell you they had to work late and they'll be late for dinner.
Michelle two more plates.
Why do I even bother? Well, I gotta go see a chiropractor so I'm not gonna be here for dinner either.
- Michelle: - What is this, a joke? Jess, can you do me a favor and sew this button onto Mr.
Woodchuck? Oh, love to.
Boy, this floor needs a wax job.
Not only am I Mr.
Mom, I'm Mr.
Woodchuck's mom.
What a day.
Are you totally bummed? Yeah, totally.
Go ahead, tell me all about it.
I'm just afraid, you know? What if I never get a record deal? I mean, is this it for me? Cooking, cleaning, watching the kids while Becky's at work? I gotta make some changes in my life.
Can we eat dinner first? Sure, kid.
I hope you're hungry, because it's just you and me eating.
I think you forgot somebody.
Bon appétit, Comet.
All right, there.
Your button's on, you sawdust-sucking tree freak.
You have no snappy comebacks since Joey's hand's not up your back, huh? That's what I thought.
- Hi, honey.
JESSE: Hi.
- I'm sorry I missed dinner.
- That's okay.
Hello, boys.
I tell you, Jess, I know I should be happy about Vicky's new job in Chicago, and I am.
I'm feeling a little guilty that I'm not happy enough, you know? I think I hid my feelings pretty well although I did weep all over her goodbye ice cream cake.
I'm fine about this, I really am.
Just.
Do you guys know a good therapist? I'll be leaving now.
- He's taking it well.
- Yes, he is.
So, honey, how was your day? Well, the record company called.
They didn't like my demo.
- Oh, sweetie, I'm sorry.
- That's all right.
I'm shaking things up.
I got myself a gig tonight.
I'm playing with an oldies band at the airport lounge.
The airport lounge? Honey, isn't that a step down? From unemployment? No, it's music, it's a paycheck.
Besides, I get a real nice coloring book and those little wings.
Honey, I've been gone all day.
I mean, this was supposed to be our time together.
Well, this is my time to make some money for my family.
Jesse, I make more than enough money to support our family.
Thanks for reminding me.
You have some problem with me making a decent living? I have a problem with me making a decent living.
So now I know what argument I'm in.
This is about your stubborn macho pride.
What pride? I don't have any pride.
I lost my pride.
I'm going to get some pride.
Say goodbye to Mr.
Donaldson.
Hey, Steph, have you seen the heating pad? In Dad's top drawer.
You know he preheats his socks in the winter.
- How's your neck, Joey? - Oh, it's much better.
I just can't make any sudden moves.
Look what fits me.
- Michelle! - What? Oh, I just threw my neck out again.
Way to go, stupid.
Hey, I have the exact same sweater in my closet.
Well, it's a small world after all.
And that one has a button missing right where this one has a button missing.
Can someone explain this? I just wear them.
I don't shrink them.
Steph? All right, this is your sweater.
I stole it, I stained it, I shrunk it.
I should've buried it.
Okay, D.
J.
, have that cow.
I'm so sorry, D.
J.
I'll do anything to make it up to you.
Well, make it up to Kimmy.
I borrowed that sweater from her last summer.
Oh, yeah, that is my sweater.
So, Steph, you'll do anything to make it up to me? This is my worst nightmare.
Okay, Kimmy, I deserve this.
What do you want? Well, actually I haven't had a pedicure in my whole life.
Ew, gross.
Not the sock! Run for it! Thank you, and do you know what? Thank you.
Well, welcome to the terminal lounge, the hippest room on the departing level.
We are The Diplomats and no, you're not in an elevator.
Thank you, Irv, I love you.
What are you guys doing here? Well, we thought we'd come down to see you.
I thought you said this was an oldies band.
I get it.
Talk to you after the set.
MAN [OVER PA.]
: Flight 19 to Chicago is now boarding at gate six.
Hey, buddy what are you staring at? Oh, I'm not staring, I just have a stiff neck.
You want me to adjust it for you? I'll just adjust my chair.
Okay, for our next number, we have a-- Oh, yes, sir, you have a request? Yes, sir, what would you like to hear? Watch my luggage while I go to the john.
Who wrote that one? Gershwin? Hit me, Irv.
Okay.
Well, then, we'll do this song.
I'm sure you'll all enjoy it.
It goes something like this.
Vicky, I can't believe you're moving to Chicago.
Danny, I've been thinking about this all day.
I'm gonna take that job here doing the weather.
Really? That's great.
But wait a minute.
Vicky, what about Chicago? That was your dream job.
But San Francisco has one thing Chicago doesn't.
Rice-A-Roni? All right, two things.
Vicky, I can't let you give up your dream for me.
If you stay here and do the weather, you're gonna hate it.
And then pretty soon, you're gonna start to hate me.
I could never hate you.
I may resent you a little.
MAN [OVER PA.]
: Final boarding for flight 19 to Chicago.
Vicky, you've gotta get on that plane or you're gonna regret it.
Maybe not today, maybe not tomorrow, but soon, and for the rest of your life.
You're right.
Oh, Danny, I'm gonna miss you.
I'm gonna miss you too.
Goodbye, sweetheart.
MAN [OVER PA.]
: Flight 17 to Reno, now available for preboarding.
I can't do it.
Vicky, you need to be strong.
No, I can't do it because I don't have luggage or a ticket.
I have to go through this whole goodbye again tomorrow? Yes but we'll always have the terminal lounge.
Thank you.
Thank you very much.
We're gonna take a short break but I bet you won't even know we're gone.
MAN [OVER PA.]
: Passenger Wilson, please pick up the white courtesy phone.
Passenger Wilson.
Well.
Hey, Jess, I really like the new band.
They really make you look young.
- Do me a favor.
Point me to the restroom.
- Sure.
Jess, honey, is this really what you wanna do? No, this is what I have to do.
Sing "Glow Worm" in an airport lounge? I'll admit it's not the coolest gig in the world, but it's still music.
And you gotta admit, Irv is one bad mama in his own right.
Jess, what about your music? You can't give up on that.
I'm not giving up on my music.
And if I get lucky, you know, it'll be great, I'll get a shot.
Right now, I gotta contribute to my family.
But you do contribute.
You're a great husband, you're a great father.
I'm talking about money.
Whether I make a million dollars or $1, I can't just let you go to work and make all the money for this family.
I'm a man.
Maybe I'm old-fashioned, but that's who I am.
And that's who I love.
Sweetie, I'm really sorry if I hurt your feelings.
And if you think it's important to be a Diplomat then I back you 100 percent.
Thank you.
What's important is the "tuneage" in this joint.
We gotta work on the playlist.
All right, Dips.
You guys, come on.
Now, I know deep, deep down inside you there's gotta be some kind of wild rock 'n' roll maniac dying to get out.
All right, we'll fake it.
A little rock 'n' roll music in E.
Shall we, fellas? Here we go.
That's it, swing with it, boys.
Swing it.
Irv, hit me, babe.
Hit me, Irv.
That's it.
Oh, my neck.
I'm cured.