Garfield and Friends (1988) s05e15 Episode Script

Narrator: Ladies and gentlemen, Garfield and Friends. (upbeat music)
We're We're
Ready Ready
To To
Party!
We're ready to party, we're ready, yeah ♪
I hope you bring lots of spaghetti ♪
I'm scared
Come on in, come to the place where fun never ends ♪
Come on in, it's time to party with Garfield and Friends ♪
Dancing, fiesta, Romancing, siesta ♪
Samba, La Bamba
Ay caramba
Disguises, Disguises
Surprises, Surprises
And pies of, And pies of
All sizes
Come on in, come to the place where fun never ends ♪
Come on in, it's time to party with Garfield and friends ♪
Come on in, it's time to party with Garfield and friends ♪
Garfield and friends
Garfield: Today's show is brought to you in color,
unless the artist ran out of crayons.
(funky music)
- This is an interesting program.
Garfield: Hey, don't hog the milkshake.
- Here, you may have half of this.
- Some experts theorize that there
is a central gathering place for all the ghosts
and goblins of the world like a big dispatching station.
- You were suppose to drink half.
Garfield: I did, the bottom half.
Let's watch something else.
This show is dumb.
A central dispatching station for ghosts?
What a stupid idea.
(mysterious music)
- Where's McRaven?
- Oh, right here, sir.
I'm still haunting the north side of town.
- Good boy, well, keep scaring people there.
- I object!
- What is it, Diablo?
- This miserable excuse for a ghost
has a prime territory and he has never once scared
so much as a butterfly.
- McRaven, is this true?
- Oh, well, not exactly.
- (sighs) Who was the last person you scared?
- Last person, last person?
Well, just last week I almost scared a Chihuahua.
- This pathetic poltergeist is an insult
to every man, woman, and specter along us.
He should be fired at once, stripped of his sheet,
and I should be given his plum assignment.
- McRaven, what do you have to say for yourself?
- Please just one more chance.
I can scare somebody, I know I can.
- You better!
- You'll see, I'll do it, I'll do it.
Oh boy, oh boy.
Better find someone I can scare.
Maybe something small like a kitty cat.
I think there's one in this house.
- Let's see, what do I want?
I should leave something for breakfast.
Hey, an olive's something.
(ghost wooing)
Usually this happens after I eat before bed, not during.
(ghost wooing)
Would you pass the ketchup?
- Aren't you the least bit frightened?
- Yes, I'm not sure what this green stuff is I'm eating.
- Oh, I'm a failure as a ghost.
Oh, I can't even scare a kitty cat.
- No, but I can.
Watch this.
- Poor little ghost.
He didn't understand that after John's cooking,
it takes a lot to scare me.
(ghost cackling)
Like that!
Help!
Higher quality ghost, help!
(Odie snoring)
Here, take the dog and leave me.
(ghost cackling)
(Odie whining)
- Now, there's still the master of the house to terrorize.
(telephone rings)
- Who could be at this hour?
Diablo: Is this John Arbuckle?
- Yes?
(ghost cackling)
(John screams)
- Oh, I love my job.
- But it's true, my house is haunted
by a big, ugly ghost.
- Right, right, right.
Listen, don't be wasting your police department's time
with non-sense about ghosts.
- He didn't believe me.
- Hey, I wouldn't believe a grown man
with duckies and horsies on his pajamas.
Let me think how to solve this.
Maybe I can call the Ghostbusters.
Nah, their show is canceled.
Oh, you again.
Your friend just scared me out three of my nine lives.
Maybe four.
- Well, you know, he's not my friend.
He took my job.
- Yeah, well, he took our house.
How are we gonna get rid of 'em?
- The only way I know to get rid
of a scary ghost is to out-scare 'em.
- Oh right, me out-scare him?
Hey, hey, wait a minute.
You've given me an idea.
- I have?
- Yeah, I need to check the TV listings.
- Now that I've redecorated
to make the place more unlivable,
I think I'll stay awhile.
Maybe, oh, seven, 8,000 years.
(doorbell rings)
Oh, goodie, someone else to scare.
Ah, it's you, I've already scared you.
- Have you had the TV on this morning?
- No.
- Hurry, my favorite show is on.
We are the Buddy Bears, we always get along ♪
- That's frightening.
- Yeah, isn't it?
Change the channel.
- Hey kids!
- You should see what's on the all stupid game show channel.
- I don't think I want to.
- Look at what's on cable.
- Get that away from me.
- John's new battery powered TV.
- I don't want to look at it.
Binky the clown: Hey kids!
We are the Buddy Bears, we always get along ♪
- Take that away from me!
Garfield: There's an infomercial on channel 23.
(Diablo screams)
- Where does a ghost get a job these days?
Maybe ruining someone's TV reception.
- It's yours, it's all yours.
I see why you can't scare these people.
- Hey, let's watch the all Binky channel.
(Diablo screams)
Diablo: Help, help!
- Oh, well, you got your house back
and I got my old job back.
- Sure looks that way.
- But I still can't scare anyone.
- Ah come on, I'll give you some pointers.
McRaven: Really?
- I don't know exactly what happened
but I'm glad it's all over.
Odie: Uh-huh.
- And I have a feeling we won't see anymore ghosts around.
- Excuse me, would you like to watch Binky the Clown?
(screams)
- Hey, if he thinks Binky's scary,
wait till he sees the six o'clock news.
(blowing)
Life with John is not normal.
(playful music)
- Garfield, I'm going to go down to the mall
and tap dance in my underwear with a balloon animal tied
to my head and a pineapple in each hand.
Garfield: Again?
Orson: On Monday, I went to dive into my waller,
executing a perfect jackknife
and it would've been splendid
except that Roy had replaced all my mud
with frozen vegetable soup.
I'm still getting celery out of my ears.
Tuesday, Roy disguised himself as a jungle man
and told Wade.
- Jungle man say wild pumas come,
have big teeth, better to eat you with.
- Wild pumas, wild pumas?!
(laughing)
Orson: Wade has not been seen since.
Then this morning, he did the lowest thing yet.
He secretly replaced Lanolin's regular coffee
with new Fernman's crystals.
Bo: Like, what's so low about that, man?
- Fernman's makes soap crystals.
- Ooh, that is pretty low.
You all right, sis?
- Of course I'm not all right.
That stupid rooster put soap in my coffee!
- Roy plays tricks on everyone.
What are we gonna do about him?
- Well, that's what this meeting is all about?
- Are the pumas gone?
- Welcome back, Wade.
There never were any pumas.
- Woohoo, I got a peachy keen trick to play on Orson.
He'll open this box and wham-o,
20 pounds of creamed cauliflower in the face.
How can I resist eavesdropping?
Booker: I'm sick of Roy's practical jokes.
Bo: Yeah, like I'm sick
of Roy's practical jokes too, man.
Lanolin: I'm just sick of Roy.
- I feel we should always be forgiving
and should always have a sense of humor.
- Ah, good ole Wade.
- I for one will laugh a lot when we fire him.
- Fire me?
- Yeah! - Yup.
- Hold on, hold on, everyone.
You are not going to fire Roy.
- Ah, I knew my good friend, Orson, would stick up for me.
- I'm gonna fire him.
I'm firing him and hiring another rooster tomorrow.
- Even Orson is against me.
- You'd really do it?
- You'd really get rid of Roy?
- No, of course not.
I just wish there was a way to teach him a lesson.
- Fired, axed, ousted.
And after I gave them the best five seasons of my life.
What am I gonna do?
I've gotta find another series.
I've gotta go see my agent.
You gotta get me on another cartoon show, Bernie.
- Right, pussy cat.
Look, I'm in tight with all the boys at the network
and I am telling you, sweetheart, nobody's hiring.
- I don't have to do farm humor.
I have sides I've never shown.
How about this?
Teenage mutant ninja rooster.
- Very nice, Roy sweetheart.
- How about the little mer-rooster?
- Roy, bubula.
- How about this, GI Roy?
I command a squadron of 7,428 toys, each sold separately.
- Roy, honey, baby, bubula, you're breaking my heart.
I'm sorry.
- I'm washed up.
Might as well go to the old cartoon characters home.
Sit on the front porch with Felix the cat,
telling stories of the good ole days.
- Let's see, name Roy Rooster.
Occupation, cartoon character.
Experienced in being hit by pies,
falling off cliffs, and having pianos dropped on person.
- Waste of time.
My career is over.
- Well, we seem to have one opening for a cartoon character.
- I'll take it!
Whatever it is!
- Well, I should warn you, it's--
- Who cares!
Just so I'm back on TV.
Who needs Orson and his crummy show.
Here I am, here's your new star.
What kind of cartoon show is this?
No, not you guys!
- I'm Bobby Buddy Bear.
- I'm Billy Buddy Bear.
- I'm Bertie Buddy Bear.
- I'm their sister, Betty Buddy Bear.
All: And we're the Buddy Bears!
- Would you like to be on our cartoon show?
- No, you'll drop 16 ton safes on me.
- Oh, no, my brothers don't do that anymore.
- Yes, we promise.
- We won't drop any 16 ton safes on you.
We don't even have any.
- Hmm, well, all right then.
I'm yours.
Lanolin: Orson, I haven't seen Roy around all day.
- Not that any of us are complaining, you know?
- He'll turn up.
Right now I wanna watch the Buddy Bears.
- Let's see what happened when you don't drink your milk.
- Hello, I am drinking my milk.
- And I am going to be a bad boy
and not drink my milk.
Gee, I wish I drank my milk.
Billy: Remember kids, drink your milk
or someone may drop a piano on you.
- Well, at least it wasn't a 16 ton safe.
- Our next good habit is to always wash behind your ears.
Here is what happens when you don't.
- Hello, I just washed behind my ears.
- Really?
I never wash behind my ears.
Wait a minute, I don't have ears!
Or for that matter, teeth.
- The lesson, kids, is to always wash behind your ears
or beware of falling 1988 convertibles.
- They're doing the kind of thing to him
that he always does to us.
- You know, he's right.
It is kinda funny.
- Our next good habit is to always squeeze the toothpaste
from the bottom of the tube.
- I don't wanna go out there.
You'll drop a 16 ton safe on me.
I know it's coming.
- We gave our word.
- You sure?
Both: We promise you, no 16 ton safes.
- I always squeeze the toothpaste from the bottom.
- I always squeeze it from the top.
I thought you promised not to drop a 16 ton safe on me.
- And we didn't.
We don't have any.
- This is a 27 ton safe.
(Roy yelling)
- Gee, looks like Roy left me a present.
(boing)
- Orson, please, you gotta give me my old job back.
I'll never play another trick on anybody.
I'll never do anything mean to anybody, not even Wade.
Oh please, please, please.
- All right, Roy, whatever you want.
(Roy cheers)
- I'm back on TV!
Wade- What was that all about?
- Yeah, Roy sounded like you fired him, man.
- Well that's not so.
I never fired, Roy.
(splat)
But I will now.
-(hiccups)
(upbeat music)
Garfield: In outer space, there are small particles
of stone that circulate around the sun.
These are known as meteors.
When one enters the earth's atmosphere
and comes into contact with air,
friction causes it to burn up.
Sometimes a small piece lands on earth
and is known as a meteorite.
37 years ago, a farmer came across one such piece
of molten metal.
He had no idea what it was at first.
It was made of hardest material he'd ever seen.
- Ow!
Garfield: And it was completely inedible.
To the farmer, that meant only one thing.
- Must be one of them there fruit cakes.
Garfield: But what he hadn't noticed
was what had happened to everything near the meteorite.
Slowly they seem to come to life.
And get every ready, folks,
because this is another of Garfield's Tales of Scary Stuff.
The farmer took the meteorite home
thinking it was a fruit cake.
That Christmas, he wrapped it as a gift.
And presented it to his neighbor
who also thought it was a fruit cake
so she didn't eat it either.
Instead she wrapped it up and mailed it
to a relative she didn't like very much.
Which is what people usually do with fruit cakes.
And the relative reacted pretty much
the way you'd expect her to.
- How lovely, a fruit cake.
I'll give it to someone else.
Garfield: Over the next 37 years,
the meteorite was given as a gift 4,186 times.
No one ever tried to eat it.
No one ever eats a fruit cake.
They just take it and pass it on.
But every so often, it took a week or two
for someone to find a friend they disliked enough
to send the fruit cake
and when that happened, things around the meteorite
just sorta came to life.
Finally, a week ago Tuesday, a package arrived
at the home of John Arbuckle.
- Package for you, Mr. Arbuckle.
- Oh, thank you.
Garfield: Sounds like either a ton of lead weights
or a fruit cake.
- Get it off me, get it off me.
Garfield: Arbuckle opened the package to discover.
- Aunt Edna sent me a fruit cake.
- What did you ever do to Aunt Edna?
Fruit cake, one of only three foods
in the world I won't eat.
(Odie barks)
Raisins and snails.
Mm-hmm.
Now John Arbuckle was dumb but he wasn't dumb enough
to try eating a fruit cake.
Instead, he put it away in the refrigerator.
And then he went off to ponder the question
everybody ponders when they receive a fruit cake.
- Who do I dislike enough to send a fruit cake to?
- I don't know why he put it in the refrigerator.
Fruit cakes don't spoil.
I mean, it's not as if they're food or anything.
But he did, and it started to glow.
Over the next few hours things started happening
in the refrigerator.
Late that night a quart of low fat milk decided
to make a break for it.
In the living room, a handsome cat was sound asleep.
So asleep that at first he didn't realize
what was happening.
- All right, give me your wallet.
Garfield: I don't have a wallet.
- Rats, I'll go someplace else.
- I hate it when milk goes bad.
Milk goes bad?
Odie, the milk carton just ran by.
We have to find it.
- Uh-huh.
- You don't believe me?
- Nu-uh.
- Well I don't blame ya, I wouldn't believe me either.
Go back to sleep.
I could've sworn I saw the milk carton trying to rob me.
- Must've been your imagination.
- The ketchup is right.
Must've been my imagination.
The ketchup is right?
The ketchup, it's alive!
- Can you help me get my hat off?
These things always stick.
- And the pickles are alive.
- Come on, guys, let's go to the salad bar.
- And the leftover tuna casserole.
- Hey, that's the cat that keeps cleaning out our home.
- Calm down, don't flip your lids.
This isn't happening to me.
That rib roast from that Tuesday.
- That's right, wrap me in foil and call me a leftover.
You'll pay for that.
- It's the potato salad!
- That's German potato salad to you
and you will stop treating me as a side dish.
Garfield: Odie, help, they're chasing me.
They're after me and they're high in cholesterol.
To see the entire contents of the refrigerator come to life
and mount an attack.
- What is going on in here?
(angry chattering)
Garfield's being attacked by a bunch
of meats and vegetables, I should've known.
- It looked like the cat and dog would wind up
in the deep freeze but then the fabulous feline
had a thought.
Odie, we're doomed.
(Odie whines)
But I'm entitled to a last meal.
- Last meal?
- What do you mean?
- I think I'd like a sandwich with everything.
They ran from the cat in terror
knowing full well there wasn't anything
he wouldn't put in a sandwich.
They all got away.
Even a jar of molasses which is usually so slow.
Arbuckle spent several minutes trying to form whole words.
While the cat indicted they should investigate
the refrigerator, they found it empty,
but for one mystical glowing force.
And the cat came to a brilliant conclusion.
I have a feeling this may not be a fruit cake.
A local scientist confirmed
that it was a radioactive meteorite with mutation powers
that could bring inanimate objects to life.
At first, Arbuckle didn't have a clue what to do with it.
- What do you think, Garfield?
Garfield: But the cat, of course, had an idea.
They took the fruit ca- , the meteorite,
to their local city council where nothing
had moved in over 20 years.
Sure enough within minutes the meteorite's powers took over.
And the city council actually sprang to life and did things.
- The important thing is that we realize
that time is on our side.
Garfield: The end, perhaps,
but the next time someone who doesn't like you
sends you a fruit cake, wait before you pass it on
'cause it could be a fruit cake
but it could also be one of
Okay, let me have the echo again.
Garfield's Tales of Scary Stuff.
I love that echo.
(upbeat music)