Northern Exposure s05e15 Episode Script
Hello, I Love You
Chris here.
570 on the A.
M.
K- Bear.
Looks like a fine winter's morning out there at the 63rd latitude.
Jack Frost is tagging up those windowpanes.
Hot java.
English muffin locked and loaded.
Hey.
The word on the street is that the Tambo-Vincoeur addition is due to pop out and see its shadow maòana.
From the safety of the womb room to the bright unknown.
Hey, little one.
You got 843 expectant aunts and uncles out here all cued up for a little hoochie-coochie-coo.
Apropos all that, I got a billboard update here.
"Marilyn Whirlwind's Baby Bootee Workshop for Beginners moves to this afternoon at the hall.
" Get those knitting needles smoking, 'cause we got some pink little feet that need some heat.
Tell me, H.
How come I gotta get induced? Honey, it happens all the time, Joel says.
Yeah, but why me, Holling? You're two weeks late.
What's wrong with me that I gotta get jump-started like some crummy old truck? You're supposed to give birth.
Yeah? Just give it.
But can I do that? Apparently not true.
Oh, Shelly.
There's nothing wrong with you.
You're perfectly normal.
Unless maybe it's not me at all.
Unless maybe it's the kid.
Maybe it doesn't want to come out.
Maybe it knows something I don't know, 'cause it's somebody in there, you know.
All the mom mags say it.
Eighty percent of its little " who it is" is already " who.
" And who knows who that even is.
Hey, Fleischman.
Oh, hey, there.
Last month's New York Times are in.
Oh? Well, that should keep me off the streets.
Both my afternoons finked out on me.
I guess it gets below zero around here and psoriasis can wait.
Thank you.
You too, huh? My turnaround to Fairbanks canceled.
Yeah? Hey.
You know, why don't, uh- Ah.
Nah.
Never mind.
Wait a minute.
What? No, no.
You've got your newspapers to read.
You know.
Why? You want to do something? - Do you? - Well, yeah.
Why not? Well, we both have the afternoon off.
Why waste it? Well, I hear it's clear over Governor's Glacier.
The caribou are on the move.
It'll only take an hour to get there.
Yeah? Governor's Glacier, huh? Mm-hmm.
Means getting in your plane and all that? Oh, right.
You and flying.
Yeah.
TNT's got the Sonics-Hawks game.
We could always watch the reign man reign.
Basketball? Yeah.
I didn't think that would interest you.
You could come to my knitting class.
It starts at 2:00.
Knitting class.
What? The both of us? - Mm-hmm.
- Oh, yes.
I- I can see Fleischman in knitting class purling.
Wait a minute.
What's so strange about that? Oh, come on.
My masculinity doesn't hinge on- on whether or not I knit.
So you want to go? I absolutely want to go.
I'll see you there.
I'll be there.
Careful with my cases, guys.
I didn't come clear to Cantwell on a pleasure tour.
Not that we're not having fun, huh, Sanford? Walt, mind on your business.
I can't use 'em if they're all dinged up.
Sorry.
There you go.
First person came to mind when I decided to close shop was Ruth-Anne Miller.
Well, it'd be a shame to throw this stuff out.
And I can always use a couple of extra cases.
Well, we'll see you folks.
Take care of yourself, Sandy.
Send me a postcard.
Come visit.
Okay.
Good luck in Sun City.
Come on, Walt.
Let's get out of here before he realizes I've robbed him blind.
These are oak.
They cost a pretty penny new.
You been over to Pat's Homemade then, for your butter brickle? Mm-hmm.
Three quarts in my igloo, on dry ice.
You know, Ruth-Anne, Cantwell has a fine prime rib house.
The Klondike.
Mm-hmm.
I was thinkin' we could stop on our way out and have a couple of grizzly rib cuts and a little wine and visit the salad bar.
Oh, I picked up some ham salad sandwiches for us at the Easy-Go.
I want to get back and put these in and transfer my inventory.
Just a thought.
Come on.
You tarp 'em while I get these bungees untangled.
Aye, aye, Captain.
They're my favorite.
Hi.
Hi.
Playin' some Barbs? Uh-huh.
I better get you guys ready.
Mom says we're going skating.
Man.
At least nobody on your case in here.
Nice mini.
Who's the beefcake? That's Hollywood Hair.
See? Here's his blow-dryer.
They didn't have him when I was doin' Barbs.
Hejust blow-dried Teresa's hair.
Now he's doing my main Barbie.
She's really pretty.
I named her Alexis.
She's the best.
Everybody wants to be friends with her, 'cause she's the most fun.
Yeah? Yesterday she had a pool party, and she pushed a boy in the water.
And then she poured a whole can of pop on his head.
That's hysterical.
But she's not mean or stuck up, like this girl Dawn at my school.
Well, that's good.
Uh-huh.
Here.
Let me help you put those tights on.
Those are always so hard to put on.
Here you go.
Hey.
I got an idea.
How about the white stiletto boots? That's good.
What's your name? Miranda.
Miranda? Really? - Uh-huh.
- Wow.
'Cause there's a baby in here, and if it's a little girl, I was maybe gonna call her Miranda.
But everybody calls me Randi, with an " I.
" - Like, R-A-N-D-I? - Uh-huh.
I like it.
Randi.
So this sharpie from Anchorage comes in.
He's got some deal on a hot dog box.
I said, "Hot dog box? I don't want a hot dog box.
No way.
" Two weeks later he was back with a nachos crock pot.
Now, how many nachos am I gonna have to sell to make that mess worthwhile? Just takes your mind off your real business.
Retail.
Yeah.
And the smell.
Do I really want to smell yellow cheese morning, noon and night? Gets in your hair and your clothes.
Route 8, isn't it? Didn't notice you forked.
Well, th-this adds time to the trip.
I know.
But I didn't want those Remember.
I've got glass back there.
Oh, don't worry about me.
Nice day for a long drive.
Mmm.
Besides, you never see these sights since the highway.
Also, I'm thoroughly enjoying the good conversation and the fine company.
Good tight garter stitch, Suzie, but watch your yarn-over.
Needles up, Lewis.
Oh, okay.
Here.
You dropped one.
Oh, sheesh.
How you doin', Fleischman? You doin' okay? Yeah.
I believe I'm doin' very well.
It's a little bootee, huh? Yeah.
Looks good.
You'll see.
The more you do it, the better you get.
You want to watch the tension in the yarn though.
Mm-hmm.
You know? You can lose elasticity.
Okay.
Class, it's time to cast off our bootees.
Remember.
We cast off in rib.
That means you knit first, and then you purl, so you keep the rib in sequence.
Thank you.
Everybody ready? Maggie? Your stitches in the first row are good, Maggie.
Keep up the good work.
Thanks.
- You ready? - I believe so.
Here you go.
Hmm.
What? It's good.
Very good.
Yeah? Class.
See? The ribbing is perfect.
The stitches are uniform, and note the finished edges.
As you go out, stop and take a look at this bootee.
It's good knitting.
Thank you very much.
See? I told you it'd be fun.
Yeah, this is fun.
That your engine, Ruth-Anne? Sounds a tad racy.
Well, it must be all these hills.
Brother, we're in trouble.
Whoa.
Take a look.
There's steam pouring out of your bonnet.
Great.
Pull over.
I am.
Okay.
Turn her off.
Well, I can't.
I'm trying.
It- It won't go into park.
You're stuck in gear? It won't budge.
See? Goodness.
You're in low, Ruth-Anne.
What are you doing in low? Low? Coming out of Cantwell.
That last grade.
We've been in low since Cantwell? Well, I couldn't have my cases jostling around back there, now, could I? Well, turn the key then, before your engine locks up.
It won't budge either.
Off now.
Yes, it is.
Let me take a peek.
Probably nothing.
Let her cool off a bit, top off the radiator.
I'll have us on our way in no time.
Well, I hope so.
Did you see anything? Did you try giving it a whack? It's a sealed system, Ruth-Anne.
Nothing but cables to the tranny.
Damned automatics.
Once they stick in gear, they- Can't even push 'em to start.
I- I would've thought there'd be campers through by now.
Bound to be some eventually.
Till then, we'd better start thinkin' about a fire, wouldn't you say? Gettin' nippy out here.
Oh, there's a little chill.
I'll get the ax.
Walt.
Uh, it isn't in there.
W- Well, I had to empty the trunk for my store fixtures, didn't I? We don't have an ax, Ruth-Anne? It's a half day's drive.
How am I supposed to know that we were gonna get stuck? Not much use on green wood.
But it'd sure break up one of those cases of yours.
That oak would burn nice and hot.
That is not funny, Walt.
I'll tell ya.
It's longer than it looks to that tree line.
And that live wood's gonna be hard to catch.
It'll burn just fine.
Deadwood's gonna be wet too.
Speaking of wet, here's me in just my street shoes.
Well, fine.
You stay here then.
- Ruth-Anne.
- I'll be right back.
Ruth-Anne.
Wait up.
Wait up.
I'm not letting you go out there alone.
Not in this cold.
The wind'll knife right through ya.
Oh.
I forgot your bunny slippers.
You'll be needing those, won't you, sweetheart? Hmm? Your poofy slippers.
You'll be strolling down the hall with our little one.
You don't want your tootsies turning blue, do you? Oh.
Yeah.
You'll see, Shel.
It'll turn out fine.
And then we'll have our little bundle to bring us joy.
Cutest newborn in that hospital.
Yeah.
Yeah.
- Babe.
- Yes, Shelly? Remember when I said if it's a girl, one of the names could be Miranda? What do you think about Randi? You know, with an " I," for short.
Randi, huh? Randi sounds cute.
Yeah.
Hey, Holling.
Yes, hon? Have you ever met anybody named Miranda? Ever, I mean.
Can't say as I have.
But it's an awfully pretty name.
Kind of weird.
Nice weird, but weird.
If you hadn't, and then you did, and you were gonna name your kid it.
Miranda, I mean.
Uh, I suppose.
I'll knock off these Jell-O whips later, hon.
I gotta go stick the stuff in the tumble dry.
Shel, no.
I can do that.
No.
I want to go.
I put 'em in, right? It's bad luck if somebody else takes 'em out.
You lose socks that way.
Hey, Fleischman.
Hey.
What are you doin'? Is your truck okay? Oh, yeah.
Just breaking some firewood.
How you doin'? Oh.
Good.
Yeah? Hey, you were a quick study in knitting class.
Yeah.
Well, you sew people up, right? I guess I should've figured.
Well, I had a good time, actually.
Oh, yeah? So, Fleischman, is this the way you chop wood? You run it over with your truck? Yeah.
It's pretty good.
You don't think? Don't you have a chain saw? Oh, are you kidding me? Those things are accidents waiting to happen.
I think half my winter business comes from chain saw sutures.
No.
Not if you do it right.
Here.
Oh, no.
It's all right, O'Connell.
No.
Really.
It's my pleasure.
It saves time, and then your ends are nice and neat.
Watch, okay? It's really very easy.
Let me take this over here.
Okay.
Now look.
You brace it like this.
And you- Two seconds, Fleischman.
The pieces are uniform.
It makes it easier to stack.
There's nothin' to it.
It's actually fun.
There you go, Fleischman.
Now you won't have to wreck your tires.
Appreciate it.
Sure.
Hey, how about I make you dinner tonight? 7:00? I'll be there.
Okay.
Hmm.
Excuse me.
Did you see a little girl in here? Uh-uh.
Are you sure? About six or seven.
Playing Barbies.
- Miranda.
- What? That was her name.
The little girl.
Miranda.
- Well, Randi.
- I'm Randi.
Wow.
Oh, man.
So, what ya got there? My underpants.
Your panties? Yeah.
Oh.
Your period.
Whatever.
Your first one? I don't know.
I- I thought it was gonna be so neat, but it's just so gross.
I know.
It's a real skank-out at first.
Your tum's all achy, and your skin breaks out.
But you'll get the hang.
Curl up in front of the tube with a hot-water bottle and a Sassy.
Eat a brick of Hershey's.
The next morning,you wake up, and your zits are gone, and your tummy's flat, and it's like starting all over again every month.
Yeah? Yeah.
I mean, think about it.
This is for chicks only.
'Cause when it happens, that's what you are, right then and there.
You're one of the chicks.
I guess.
You know, that stain'll come out if you use cold water.
Hot's making the blood set.
Oh.
Whatever.
- So- - Uh, yeah.
It's coming out.
Thanks.
No.
I mean, how's it goin'? Everything okay at school? What are you into? - Got some good buds? - Yeah.
I'm in a band.
Me and my girlfriends.
- Ice Fog.
- Yeah? You're in a band? - I'm drums.
- Wow.
You're musical.
That's awesome.
Yeah.
And next summer me, Raoul and Storm-We're gonna hitch down to the KodiakJam Fest.
Hitching? To Kodiak? - What? - Randi, it's dumb.
Really dumb.
And besides, you're too young.
No, I'm not.
Well, if you think hitching is cool, then it just proves to me that you are.
Grown-ups.
God, you guys don't trust anybody.
You're so paranoid all the time.
It's just 'cause we know there's geeks out there in cars just waiting for rookies like you with your thumbs out, thinking you're hot stuff.
Yeah? Well, at least we didn't get the world all screwed up, did we? We didn't cause pollution and war.
God, who asked you anyways? Just leave me alone! Randi.
Randi.
Randi, wait! Come back! Randi! Randi! Oh, boy.
Lamb.
Oh, smell that.
Fenugreek.
Well, actually, it's, uh, cardamon.
Oh, that's right.
The little pods.
Yeah.
Mm-hmm.
Chapatis? Did you actually make your own chapatis? Well, it's just flour and water.
Actually, they're parathas, but they're basically the same thing.
You know,just a little puffier.
Uh-huh.
Mm-hmm.
Don't worry about the curry now.
'Cause I went easy on the cayenne pepper.
Oh, me? You kidding me? I love to sweat when I eat this stuff.
Yes, but, see, my Aunt Toni- She's the one who taught me these recipes- Mm-hmm.
She lives in England.
She had to give up Indian food because it gave her an ulcer.
She got an ulcer from Indian food? Mm-hmm.
Yeah.
Ate a hole right through her stomach.
Yeah.
Ulcers can be really painful.
And stubborn.
Though the thing is, it's- it's not from the food though.
Y- Yeah, it was.
She went to the hospital and everything.
Yeah.
I'm sure.
But not from the Indian food.
Ulcers, for lack of better dinner conversation, are caused by the action of the- the acid secreted by the- the stomach on the gastric mucosa, which is the stomach lining.
The bile, right? No.
Bile is, uh, secreted from the liver.
Oh.
I'm talking about the, um- the digestive acids.
It's in the genes.
In other words, like, if your mother or- or your father had ulcers, then you or your brother or your sister, if you had one, or your aunt, uh, would be vulnerable to them.
I mean, I can't think of, in all the medical literature, at least to my knowledge- of any case where there were any duodenal or- or gastric ulcers caused by a-any kind of food.
Tacos, chilies, Nathan's hot dogs.
Mm-hmm.
Well, so how'd that firewood turn out, Fleischman? Stack up nice and easily for ya? It did, in fact.
Thank you very much.
Mm-hmm.
Hey.
Can I come in? Yeah.
Come on in.
- Hey, Chris.
- Hey, Shel.
Tomorrow's the big day? - What? - Big day.
Oh.
Oh, the baby.
Yeah.
Chris, I- I was just wondering.
Do you believe in time travel? Time travel? Like, uh, space-time continuum? Yeah.
Like, when somebody's gonna be there later maybe, but only they're here now.
Or like when you're gonna be there later, but you haven't even left yet.
Like- Like that.
Yeah, of course.
Yeah, absolutely.
Really? Shel, time is just somethin' that we assign.
You know.
Past, future, present.
It's just all arbitrary.
Most Native Americans- They don't even think of time as linear.
In time, out of time.
Uh, I never have enough time.
Circular time, the Stevens wheel.
I mean, all moments are happening all the time.
You know, look at Einstein.
Yeah? Theory of relativity.
You go far enough fast enough, it's just gonna bend the whole situation.
Like, you and I-We could zip out to Alpha Centauri at the speed of light.
That's our nearest star neighbor, right? By the time we get back, everybody's poppin'up daisies.
So- So, like, if it did happen- time travel- why would it? Why would somebody from the future come here now? Um, uh, play the stock market? Uh, take over the world.
I don't know.
What if they're too young to play the stock market? Well, you know, we're the future, if you're talkin' about somebody from 1926.
But if I went back there, I'd probably- I'd dissolve their existential angst.
I'd say, " Hey, you know.
Everything- Everything worked out okay," which, you know, it really did.
I mean, prohibition bombed, and, you know, that'd probably perk 'em up a bit.
So, like, it was gonna be okay, huh? Yeah.
I mean, he'd run into Al DS, and Hitler, the ozone hole.
Huh.
Nothin' he couldn't ride out.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Thanks.
- Thanks a lot, Chris.
- You're welcome a lot.
See ya.
Okay.
I suppose these cabinets can get through the night without a tarp.
Just hope they don't crack in the cold.
Ruth-Anne, let me help you with that.
You hang by the fire, Walt.
No sense in catching pneumonia on my account.
Here.
Bundle up.
Well, for green wood, that fir's making a good fire, I'd say.
Oh, she's real toasty.
How are those toes of yours? Are they gettin' any feeling back in 'em? Coming around.
Shoes and socks are drying out nicely.
Even a drizzly winter's day back in Portland looks appealing about now.
My Wall Street days.
Morgan Bank had a big Vermont stone fireplace in the conference room on the 20th floor.
Mahogany paneling.
The whole nine yards.
Rather be dead.
Amen.
Well, I'm hungry.
If I don't get my three meals- Are you? Got another of those delicious ham salad sandwiches? All kinds of things.
There's a tangerine.
Bag of Cheetos.
Oh.
I thought I had two ham salads.
- I guess we'll have to share.
- No, no, no, no, no, no.
You have the sandwich, Ruth-Anne.
I'll- I'll take the tangerine.
That is, if you don't want it.
A tangerine? Is that all? I like fruit in the evening.
Well, I suppose there's my ice cream.
Your butter brickle? But you said that was your special before-bedtime delicacy, didn't you? - I'm not that hungry.
- Are you sure? Sure.
Okay then.
It's yours.
Perfect.
Ah.
Will that be all for you, Maggie? Well, I think I'll have some of that Bubble Yum.
Um, sour cherry.
Thanks, Ed.
Ah.
Good choice.
Sour cherry.
One of my favorites.
See? See, that's what I mean, right there.
What? Oh, that's a little powdered sugar.
Oh.
No.
No.
I ask you for something, you give it to me, we chitchat.
It's all very pleasant, right? Yeah.
I mean, I'm a pleasant person.
I- I-I get along with people.
But me and Fleischman- Every time we get together, I mean, even though we're trying- You know, we're trying to try.
It starts off fine.
We're happy, and we're pleasant, but then all sudden, it just- I don't know.
I don't know.
It just, um- Hmm.
Oh, forget it.
Oh.
All right.
Well, paper or plastic? It just goes wrong, Ed.
You know, he comes over to my house, it's pleasant, Ifix him this nice dinner, and then within five minutes he's all over me about stomach linings.
And did- did I do anything? Did I say anything? Plastic.
Of course I didn't.
I don't think I did.
All right.
Maybe I did.
Maybe I do.
There you go, Maggie.
I'll just put it on your tab.
Oh, thanks, Ed.
Hey.
Have a good day, okay? A really great day.
Really pleasant.
Right.
See ya.
Where is everybody anyway? In such a hurry nowadays, they won't take the scenic route.
You sit tight, Ruth-Anne.
I'll walk up ahead.
Might be a cabin.
Damn! Forget it, Walt.
Time for plan " B.
" Well, let's get this bucket of bolts started.
Started? She's still stuck in low.
There's a way to override the neutral safety switch on these automatics.
- There is? - Yeah, you cross the solenoid to the starter.
Wait a minute.
Wait.
Let me understand this.
You can get this buggy back on the road? Mm-hmm.
Don't tell me I don't have a screwdriver.
Ah.
Here it is.
Just like that? We could've been on our way last night? Back in Cicely? Well, it means I have to leave my cases.
This old six-banger won't haul all that weight in low.
So that's why.
That's why we froze our tails all night.
No bedrolls, no flares.
All for a bunch of fool retail shelves.
We both thought somebody would be by.
I took a shot.
A shot? About frostbit my toes.
I got 'em all, lady.
No thanks to you.
I even went hungry.
Froze my tail off by that stingy little fire of yours.
So cold, didn't get a wink's sleep.
You sure bit on that free ride to the osteopath, though, didn't you? Osteopath? Is that what you think, woman? I've got the bones of a 50-year-old.
Are you blind? Don't you see what's going on here? These are my church shoes.
This is my good sweater.
Do I have to spell it out for you? I'm interested, Ruth-Anne.
Or at least I was.
Interested? And thank my lucky stars Ifind out about you now before I get all emotionally dependent.
Traipsing all over hill and dale just 'cause I wanted to be with you.
Well, here you are.
You gonna stand there all day and bitch, or are you gonna help me unhook this trailer? Hey, Holling.
Hey,Joel.
You call the hospital? Yes, sir.
I got you all set up in a nice birthing suite.
It'll be just like home.
A bed in there.
You'll be able to sleep.
It'll be perfect.
Hot dang! You hear that, hon? Joel has got us a special room at St.
Mary.
Grab your things.
We're on our way.
To Anchorage? Already? Yeah, Shel.
Today's the day.
Oh.
No.
But, uh, I'm not ready yet.
Now, Shel.
Well, I gotta see if she's okay and everything.
I mean, I gotta know if everything worked out.
- Who? - What? - Who's all right? - Nobody.
But you just said- My receiving blanket.
I left her at the Wash-and-Dry, soaking in some Softex.
I gotta see if she's, uh, you know, soft.
Your receiving blanket? You wouldn't want me to leave a brand-new baby in a scratchy old blanket, would you? Well, no.
So? All right, Shelly.
Go do your laundry, or whatever you have to do, but come 4:00, we gotta be on that plane goin' to that hospital.
Okay.
Uh, I gotta go.
Uh, we'll be ready,Joel.
I promise you.
Forget those things, will ya? Let's start this rust bucket and get this show on the road! I'm not leaving without my name and number on here, in case somebody finds 'em.
Shake a leg, will ya? Move it! Okay now.
Remember what I told you, Walt.
Foot on that brake, and don't let up.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
This hood could take off my head if you let it jump forward.
Don't give me any ideas.
Gas, for God's sake.
She's tryin' to turn over.
Want me to flood it? That's it.
More.
She's up! Keep your foot heavy on that brake now.
Get your fanny in here.
Let's go.
Shove over.
Go on.
Gas, Ruth-Anne! Don't let it stall out, for cry-eye.
Just let me drive.
Come on.
We've been over this.
I don't want to talk about it anymore.
No, C.
J.
I can't come back now.
I got my motel reservations and everything.
Look.
I gotta get off the phone.
I gotta go, or I'll never get there.
Boy.
Wow.
Did you turn out decked.
Huh? I mean cool sweater.
You fill it up and everything.
Angora.
Kind of.
Fight with your steady eddie, huh? I just gotta do this.
He's gotta know that.
I got talent.
Those girls can use me.
So you're joining up with a band, huh? Playin' your drums? Drums? Me? Oh, yeah.
My drums.
How'd you know about that? I put my kit away in ninth grade.
Oh, uh- No.
No.
I- I'm going to Texas for the Dallas Cowboy cheerleader tryouts.
You're gonna try and cheer with those babes? That's the top of the top.
I won regionals.
Judge said I was a lock.
Course, nothing's nothin' till it's somethin', but I at least gotta show 'em my stuff.
Oh, yeah.
When that ring swings by, you gotta take a grab at it.
Besides, I got a pretty good feeling you're gonna catch it.
That's what my mom said.
Mom? Your mom.
How's she doing? She didn't gain weight or anything, did she? My mom's a total fox.
High boobs and a tight can.
She's still stoppin' traffic.
- Yeah? - Yeah, this season we stripped her hair in platinum and dropped in a blue streak.
- Your dad like it? - Oh, anything Mom does is cool to Pop.
He's a total dad.
Hates football, but him and Jared are behind me 100%.
Can't wait to see me on TV.
Jared? Oh, that's my little brother.
Wow.
God, look at the time.
I better hit the road if I'm gonna make Texas by Monday.
It was nice talkin' to you.
Oh, it was really nice talking to you too.
Look.
Um, can I give you a hug? I mean, for good luck, you know.
Sure.
I guess I better let you go.
You know, maybe this is like a lucky sign or something.
What? Well, here I am starting off on my brand-new life, and today's my birthday.
It is? Right at happy hour.
Well, that's because I was born upstairs from a bar.
- See ya.
- See ya.
Upstairs from a bar.
Hey.
Hey.
T- minus 60 minutes till blastoff.
Can I help you with anything? Like, you need more gas or help deicing the wings or anything? Oh, no, thanks.
I'm all topped off and ready to go.
You got some wood of your own, huh? Mm-hmm.
Can I give you a hand? Thanks, Fleischman.
Physical labor.
Nothing as invigorating.
Yep.
I used to make a fortune, shovelin' sidewalks when I was a kid.
The faster you shoveled, the more you made.
Oh, yeah? Yeah.
That's impressive, Fleischman.
I'm impressed.
Paid my way to Camp Cuamba one summer.
Oh, yeah? Well, my dad used to say- Halfway anyway.
"Pay Maggie by the hour.
PayJeffy by the job.
" Hey.
What? - Look at us.
- Why'd you stop? We're actually racing.
We're- We're- We're having a race to stack your wood.
- We are, aren't we? - This is unbelievable.
You know, I'll tell you something.
I think we do this with everything.
I think- I think everything between us becomes a competition.
It does? Yeah.
Don't you think? I mean, half the time we're together, we're- we're trying to ace the other one out.
What am I supposed to do? Just let you win? That's what I mean.
It doesn't feel healthy.
If somebody wins or somebody loses.
Who cares? Yeah.
We did it the other night, when we had popcorn.
Remember? And we got all bent as to who had the fewest old maids.
That was kind of sick.
I mean, we-we should really be cheering each other on and reveling in- in each other's successes.
Yeah.
Dr.
F! Dr.
F! Hey, Mag.
What? Hey.
Quick, Dr.
F.
Clock's ticking.
What's goin' on? It's time.
- Okay.
I'll meet you at the airport then.
- Oh.
No frequent fliers on this one, Mags.
I'm droppin' the pooper at 5:00 sharp up in the love grotto.
Come on.
All right.
All right.
I'll see you there! I'll see you there! Okay.
Let me just put you in the car.
What's Fleischman doin' up there? Uh, he's only been up there a couple minutes.
Ooh! I think I hear him comin'.
Hey.
All right.
She is seven centimeters.
I think we're in for a home delivery here, and the way things are goin', pretty soon.
So do me a favor.
Go to the office and get my infant bag, all right? Okay.
Okay.
The rest of you guys, um, if you want to be helpful, I could use some more towels.
I'm gonna need a washtub, a box of cigars.
All right.
Let's have ourselves a baby.
She's having the baby.
Mon Dieu! Okay.
Come on, Chris.
Washtubs and towels.
Right, right, right.
She's having it now! I'll get my camera! Boiling water.
Come on, Mick.
We can give 'em plenty of that.
Let's-You grab that hot mitt.
We'll just heft these pots right on upstairs.
Oh, my God.
My goodness, Shelly is having the baby.
Hey, Mick.
Yeah? There's fettuccine in here.
It's Alfredo night, Holling.
What do they always do with this boiling water anyway? Sterilize stuff? Yeah, well, that'd be my guess.
We-We better- better scoop the noodles out.
Yeah.
Okay, Shelly.
Knees back.
Okay.
Bear down.
One big push this time, okay? One big push.
Good.
All right.
Good.
Okay.
Relax.
Breathe.
Contraction.
Contraction, contraction! All right.
Shelly, knees back.
All right? Remember your technique? Good.
All right.
Good.
Another contraction, people.
Another contraction.
Three minutes apart.
Whoo! You got it! Elbows up, honey girl.
Chin on chest.
- All right.
Good.
Here we go.
There's the top of the head.
- Oh, my God.
Oh, my God.
There it is! - It's crowning.
- Crowning? Crowning! Shelly, listen to me.
Try to keep the baby just where it is, okay? - Remember your technique? Okay, breathe.
Relax.
It's crowning.
It's crowning.
It's crowning.
One big push.
Come on.
Ed.
Ed.
Sorry, Dr.
Fleischman.
- Dr.
F.
, I gotta push! I gotta push! Can I push? - Can she push? Push.
Push.
I'm pushin'.
I'm pushin'.
- Breathe.
Breathe.
Wait for me.
Hold on.
- All right.
Here we go.
It's comin'.
It's comin'.
Here we go.
It's coming? - Oh, my God.
It's coming.
It's coming.
- It is.
It's coming.
One big push.
Come on.
All right.
All right.
There it is.
All right.
Ah.
Look who's here.
It's a girl.
It's a girl.
It's a girl.
Oh, my God.
I've got a little girl.
I've got a little girl.
Shelly, we've got a little girl.
We sure do, H.
Got a good set ofbagpipes on her too.
Joel, is that the right color? Is she supposed to be blue? Trust me, Holling.
She is perfect.
She is absolutely beautiful.
Hey, Miranda.
How you doin'? You're just a little bitty thing now, aren't you? She's beautiful, H.
It's a girl.
That's somethin', huh? - Yeah.
- I believe she might have set a land speed record for delivery.
Good-lookin'baby, huh? Gorgeous.
- I think she's gonna be a tall one.
- You can tell that? Yeah.
Sure.
Oh.
- Hey, Fleischman.
You did a really good job.
- Thanks.
No.
I mean it.
You were really good in there.
There we all were, and- and Shelly was having this baby, and somethin' could've happened, you know- something dangerous- and I didn't think about it the whole time.
I- I don't think anybody did.
And that's because, you know, you were there.
You have this way of making people feel, um- I don't know.
Safe.
Thanks.
Yeah.
Well, I just wanted you to know.
I think someone's crying in there.
Someone's hungry.
If I could step on it any faster, believe me, I would.
There's nobody wants to see this trip end more than me.
I didn't say anything.
You were thinking it.
Hey, look.
There's the back side of Coffee Pot Rock.
Coffee Pot Rock? Really? Thank goodness.
May I? Mm-hmm.
Might be able to bring in K- Bear from here.
That way, you don't have to hear my thoughts.
People, we interrupt our prerecorded Euro punk retrospective with breaking news from the front.
Cicely's 844th citizen just clocked into town.
That's right, listeners.
The Tambo-Vincoeurs are proud to announce the arrival of an eight pound, eight ounce, They had a girl.
Well, I'll be.
and soak up some suds with the rest of the party-hearty contingent.
Free beer! Yahoo! Please.
A girl.
I thought so.
Family starting.
My dance card's gonna be full of a lot of babysitting.
Mine too.
What happened? What's wrong? Oh, we'll get it started again.
Don't worry.
I just think a celebration's in order, don't you? Your butter brickle? Well, I don't carry champagne in my pocketbook, Walt.
Uh, check the glove box for utensils, would ya? Two forks and a spoon.
You keep the spoon.
Thank you.
You first.
Lot of nice brickle to it.
Here's to the baby.
Health and happiness, child, and bundles of love.
Even if you turn out to be the kind of gal who, uh, gets a little too focused occasionally.
You know.
One who is so busy melting her sugar that she lets the yams burn.
And if you are that kind of gal, may you find a fella who kind of likes his yams on the crusty side.
Means there's probably a fire in there somewhere.
- That Pat makes a good brickle.
- The best.
Gee, H.
She's kind of rockety-headed, isn't she? You know, pointy.
Joel says that's due to her trip through the birth canal.
Rest assured, she'll be as pretty as her mama in no time.
Oh, babe.
This little chicklet's gonna be more champ than that.
She's an off-the-chart knockout.
Such tiny little hands.
Tiny little fingernails.
Here, babe.
You give her your own little rockaby, why don't you? Oh, my.
She- She's just a brand-new, whole little person all to herself, isn't she? - Mm-hmm.
- She's got her whole life ahead of her to live.
Who are you, baby doll? What's going on in that pointy head of yours, little Miranda Bliss? Randi.
Hey, Randi.
Hey, my beautiful baby.
570 on the A.
M.
K- Bear.
Looks like a fine winter's morning out there at the 63rd latitude.
Jack Frost is tagging up those windowpanes.
Hot java.
English muffin locked and loaded.
Hey.
The word on the street is that the Tambo-Vincoeur addition is due to pop out and see its shadow maòana.
From the safety of the womb room to the bright unknown.
Hey, little one.
You got 843 expectant aunts and uncles out here all cued up for a little hoochie-coochie-coo.
Apropos all that, I got a billboard update here.
"Marilyn Whirlwind's Baby Bootee Workshop for Beginners moves to this afternoon at the hall.
" Get those knitting needles smoking, 'cause we got some pink little feet that need some heat.
Tell me, H.
How come I gotta get induced? Honey, it happens all the time, Joel says.
Yeah, but why me, Holling? You're two weeks late.
What's wrong with me that I gotta get jump-started like some crummy old truck? You're supposed to give birth.
Yeah? Just give it.
But can I do that? Apparently not true.
Oh, Shelly.
There's nothing wrong with you.
You're perfectly normal.
Unless maybe it's not me at all.
Unless maybe it's the kid.
Maybe it doesn't want to come out.
Maybe it knows something I don't know, 'cause it's somebody in there, you know.
All the mom mags say it.
Eighty percent of its little " who it is" is already " who.
" And who knows who that even is.
Hey, Fleischman.
Oh, hey, there.
Last month's New York Times are in.
Oh? Well, that should keep me off the streets.
Both my afternoons finked out on me.
I guess it gets below zero around here and psoriasis can wait.
Thank you.
You too, huh? My turnaround to Fairbanks canceled.
Yeah? Hey.
You know, why don't, uh- Ah.
Nah.
Never mind.
Wait a minute.
What? No, no.
You've got your newspapers to read.
You know.
Why? You want to do something? - Do you? - Well, yeah.
Why not? Well, we both have the afternoon off.
Why waste it? Well, I hear it's clear over Governor's Glacier.
The caribou are on the move.
It'll only take an hour to get there.
Yeah? Governor's Glacier, huh? Mm-hmm.
Means getting in your plane and all that? Oh, right.
You and flying.
Yeah.
TNT's got the Sonics-Hawks game.
We could always watch the reign man reign.
Basketball? Yeah.
I didn't think that would interest you.
You could come to my knitting class.
It starts at 2:00.
Knitting class.
What? The both of us? - Mm-hmm.
- Oh, yes.
I- I can see Fleischman in knitting class purling.
Wait a minute.
What's so strange about that? Oh, come on.
My masculinity doesn't hinge on- on whether or not I knit.
So you want to go? I absolutely want to go.
I'll see you there.
I'll be there.
Careful with my cases, guys.
I didn't come clear to Cantwell on a pleasure tour.
Not that we're not having fun, huh, Sanford? Walt, mind on your business.
I can't use 'em if they're all dinged up.
Sorry.
There you go.
First person came to mind when I decided to close shop was Ruth-Anne Miller.
Well, it'd be a shame to throw this stuff out.
And I can always use a couple of extra cases.
Well, we'll see you folks.
Take care of yourself, Sandy.
Send me a postcard.
Come visit.
Okay.
Good luck in Sun City.
Come on, Walt.
Let's get out of here before he realizes I've robbed him blind.
These are oak.
They cost a pretty penny new.
You been over to Pat's Homemade then, for your butter brickle? Mm-hmm.
Three quarts in my igloo, on dry ice.
You know, Ruth-Anne, Cantwell has a fine prime rib house.
The Klondike.
Mm-hmm.
I was thinkin' we could stop on our way out and have a couple of grizzly rib cuts and a little wine and visit the salad bar.
Oh, I picked up some ham salad sandwiches for us at the Easy-Go.
I want to get back and put these in and transfer my inventory.
Just a thought.
Come on.
You tarp 'em while I get these bungees untangled.
Aye, aye, Captain.
They're my favorite.
Hi.
Hi.
Playin' some Barbs? Uh-huh.
I better get you guys ready.
Mom says we're going skating.
Man.
At least nobody on your case in here.
Nice mini.
Who's the beefcake? That's Hollywood Hair.
See? Here's his blow-dryer.
They didn't have him when I was doin' Barbs.
Hejust blow-dried Teresa's hair.
Now he's doing my main Barbie.
She's really pretty.
I named her Alexis.
She's the best.
Everybody wants to be friends with her, 'cause she's the most fun.
Yeah? Yesterday she had a pool party, and she pushed a boy in the water.
And then she poured a whole can of pop on his head.
That's hysterical.
But she's not mean or stuck up, like this girl Dawn at my school.
Well, that's good.
Uh-huh.
Here.
Let me help you put those tights on.
Those are always so hard to put on.
Here you go.
Hey.
I got an idea.
How about the white stiletto boots? That's good.
What's your name? Miranda.
Miranda? Really? - Uh-huh.
- Wow.
'Cause there's a baby in here, and if it's a little girl, I was maybe gonna call her Miranda.
But everybody calls me Randi, with an " I.
" - Like, R-A-N-D-I? - Uh-huh.
I like it.
Randi.
So this sharpie from Anchorage comes in.
He's got some deal on a hot dog box.
I said, "Hot dog box? I don't want a hot dog box.
No way.
" Two weeks later he was back with a nachos crock pot.
Now, how many nachos am I gonna have to sell to make that mess worthwhile? Just takes your mind off your real business.
Retail.
Yeah.
And the smell.
Do I really want to smell yellow cheese morning, noon and night? Gets in your hair and your clothes.
Route 8, isn't it? Didn't notice you forked.
Well, th-this adds time to the trip.
I know.
But I didn't want those Remember.
I've got glass back there.
Oh, don't worry about me.
Nice day for a long drive.
Mmm.
Besides, you never see these sights since the highway.
Also, I'm thoroughly enjoying the good conversation and the fine company.
Good tight garter stitch, Suzie, but watch your yarn-over.
Needles up, Lewis.
Oh, okay.
Here.
You dropped one.
Oh, sheesh.
How you doin', Fleischman? You doin' okay? Yeah.
I believe I'm doin' very well.
It's a little bootee, huh? Yeah.
Looks good.
You'll see.
The more you do it, the better you get.
You want to watch the tension in the yarn though.
Mm-hmm.
You know? You can lose elasticity.
Okay.
Class, it's time to cast off our bootees.
Remember.
We cast off in rib.
That means you knit first, and then you purl, so you keep the rib in sequence.
Thank you.
Everybody ready? Maggie? Your stitches in the first row are good, Maggie.
Keep up the good work.
Thanks.
- You ready? - I believe so.
Here you go.
Hmm.
What? It's good.
Very good.
Yeah? Class.
See? The ribbing is perfect.
The stitches are uniform, and note the finished edges.
As you go out, stop and take a look at this bootee.
It's good knitting.
Thank you very much.
See? I told you it'd be fun.
Yeah, this is fun.
That your engine, Ruth-Anne? Sounds a tad racy.
Well, it must be all these hills.
Brother, we're in trouble.
Whoa.
Take a look.
There's steam pouring out of your bonnet.
Great.
Pull over.
I am.
Okay.
Turn her off.
Well, I can't.
I'm trying.
It- It won't go into park.
You're stuck in gear? It won't budge.
See? Goodness.
You're in low, Ruth-Anne.
What are you doing in low? Low? Coming out of Cantwell.
That last grade.
We've been in low since Cantwell? Well, I couldn't have my cases jostling around back there, now, could I? Well, turn the key then, before your engine locks up.
It won't budge either.
Off now.
Yes, it is.
Let me take a peek.
Probably nothing.
Let her cool off a bit, top off the radiator.
I'll have us on our way in no time.
Well, I hope so.
Did you see anything? Did you try giving it a whack? It's a sealed system, Ruth-Anne.
Nothing but cables to the tranny.
Damned automatics.
Once they stick in gear, they- Can't even push 'em to start.
I- I would've thought there'd be campers through by now.
Bound to be some eventually.
Till then, we'd better start thinkin' about a fire, wouldn't you say? Gettin' nippy out here.
Oh, there's a little chill.
I'll get the ax.
Walt.
Uh, it isn't in there.
W- Well, I had to empty the trunk for my store fixtures, didn't I? We don't have an ax, Ruth-Anne? It's a half day's drive.
How am I supposed to know that we were gonna get stuck? Not much use on green wood.
But it'd sure break up one of those cases of yours.
That oak would burn nice and hot.
That is not funny, Walt.
I'll tell ya.
It's longer than it looks to that tree line.
And that live wood's gonna be hard to catch.
It'll burn just fine.
Deadwood's gonna be wet too.
Speaking of wet, here's me in just my street shoes.
Well, fine.
You stay here then.
- Ruth-Anne.
- I'll be right back.
Ruth-Anne.
Wait up.
Wait up.
I'm not letting you go out there alone.
Not in this cold.
The wind'll knife right through ya.
Oh.
I forgot your bunny slippers.
You'll be needing those, won't you, sweetheart? Hmm? Your poofy slippers.
You'll be strolling down the hall with our little one.
You don't want your tootsies turning blue, do you? Oh.
Yeah.
You'll see, Shel.
It'll turn out fine.
And then we'll have our little bundle to bring us joy.
Cutest newborn in that hospital.
Yeah.
Yeah.
- Babe.
- Yes, Shelly? Remember when I said if it's a girl, one of the names could be Miranda? What do you think about Randi? You know, with an " I," for short.
Randi, huh? Randi sounds cute.
Yeah.
Hey, Holling.
Yes, hon? Have you ever met anybody named Miranda? Ever, I mean.
Can't say as I have.
But it's an awfully pretty name.
Kind of weird.
Nice weird, but weird.
If you hadn't, and then you did, and you were gonna name your kid it.
Miranda, I mean.
Uh, I suppose.
I'll knock off these Jell-O whips later, hon.
I gotta go stick the stuff in the tumble dry.
Shel, no.
I can do that.
No.
I want to go.
I put 'em in, right? It's bad luck if somebody else takes 'em out.
You lose socks that way.
Hey, Fleischman.
Hey.
What are you doin'? Is your truck okay? Oh, yeah.
Just breaking some firewood.
How you doin'? Oh.
Good.
Yeah? Hey, you were a quick study in knitting class.
Yeah.
Well, you sew people up, right? I guess I should've figured.
Well, I had a good time, actually.
Oh, yeah? So, Fleischman, is this the way you chop wood? You run it over with your truck? Yeah.
It's pretty good.
You don't think? Don't you have a chain saw? Oh, are you kidding me? Those things are accidents waiting to happen.
I think half my winter business comes from chain saw sutures.
No.
Not if you do it right.
Here.
Oh, no.
It's all right, O'Connell.
No.
Really.
It's my pleasure.
It saves time, and then your ends are nice and neat.
Watch, okay? It's really very easy.
Let me take this over here.
Okay.
Now look.
You brace it like this.
And you- Two seconds, Fleischman.
The pieces are uniform.
It makes it easier to stack.
There's nothin' to it.
It's actually fun.
There you go, Fleischman.
Now you won't have to wreck your tires.
Appreciate it.
Sure.
Hey, how about I make you dinner tonight? 7:00? I'll be there.
Okay.
Hmm.
Excuse me.
Did you see a little girl in here? Uh-uh.
Are you sure? About six or seven.
Playing Barbies.
- Miranda.
- What? That was her name.
The little girl.
Miranda.
- Well, Randi.
- I'm Randi.
Wow.
Oh, man.
So, what ya got there? My underpants.
Your panties? Yeah.
Oh.
Your period.
Whatever.
Your first one? I don't know.
I- I thought it was gonna be so neat, but it's just so gross.
I know.
It's a real skank-out at first.
Your tum's all achy, and your skin breaks out.
But you'll get the hang.
Curl up in front of the tube with a hot-water bottle and a Sassy.
Eat a brick of Hershey's.
The next morning,you wake up, and your zits are gone, and your tummy's flat, and it's like starting all over again every month.
Yeah? Yeah.
I mean, think about it.
This is for chicks only.
'Cause when it happens, that's what you are, right then and there.
You're one of the chicks.
I guess.
You know, that stain'll come out if you use cold water.
Hot's making the blood set.
Oh.
Whatever.
- So- - Uh, yeah.
It's coming out.
Thanks.
No.
I mean, how's it goin'? Everything okay at school? What are you into? - Got some good buds? - Yeah.
I'm in a band.
Me and my girlfriends.
- Ice Fog.
- Yeah? You're in a band? - I'm drums.
- Wow.
You're musical.
That's awesome.
Yeah.
And next summer me, Raoul and Storm-We're gonna hitch down to the KodiakJam Fest.
Hitching? To Kodiak? - What? - Randi, it's dumb.
Really dumb.
And besides, you're too young.
No, I'm not.
Well, if you think hitching is cool, then it just proves to me that you are.
Grown-ups.
God, you guys don't trust anybody.
You're so paranoid all the time.
It's just 'cause we know there's geeks out there in cars just waiting for rookies like you with your thumbs out, thinking you're hot stuff.
Yeah? Well, at least we didn't get the world all screwed up, did we? We didn't cause pollution and war.
God, who asked you anyways? Just leave me alone! Randi.
Randi.
Randi, wait! Come back! Randi! Randi! Oh, boy.
Lamb.
Oh, smell that.
Fenugreek.
Well, actually, it's, uh, cardamon.
Oh, that's right.
The little pods.
Yeah.
Mm-hmm.
Chapatis? Did you actually make your own chapatis? Well, it's just flour and water.
Actually, they're parathas, but they're basically the same thing.
You know,just a little puffier.
Uh-huh.
Mm-hmm.
Don't worry about the curry now.
'Cause I went easy on the cayenne pepper.
Oh, me? You kidding me? I love to sweat when I eat this stuff.
Yes, but, see, my Aunt Toni- She's the one who taught me these recipes- Mm-hmm.
She lives in England.
She had to give up Indian food because it gave her an ulcer.
She got an ulcer from Indian food? Mm-hmm.
Yeah.
Ate a hole right through her stomach.
Yeah.
Ulcers can be really painful.
And stubborn.
Though the thing is, it's- it's not from the food though.
Y- Yeah, it was.
She went to the hospital and everything.
Yeah.
I'm sure.
But not from the Indian food.
Ulcers, for lack of better dinner conversation, are caused by the action of the- the acid secreted by the- the stomach on the gastric mucosa, which is the stomach lining.
The bile, right? No.
Bile is, uh, secreted from the liver.
Oh.
I'm talking about the, um- the digestive acids.
It's in the genes.
In other words, like, if your mother or- or your father had ulcers, then you or your brother or your sister, if you had one, or your aunt, uh, would be vulnerable to them.
I mean, I can't think of, in all the medical literature, at least to my knowledge- of any case where there were any duodenal or- or gastric ulcers caused by a-any kind of food.
Tacos, chilies, Nathan's hot dogs.
Mm-hmm.
Well, so how'd that firewood turn out, Fleischman? Stack up nice and easily for ya? It did, in fact.
Thank you very much.
Mm-hmm.
Hey.
Can I come in? Yeah.
Come on in.
- Hey, Chris.
- Hey, Shel.
Tomorrow's the big day? - What? - Big day.
Oh.
Oh, the baby.
Yeah.
Chris, I- I was just wondering.
Do you believe in time travel? Time travel? Like, uh, space-time continuum? Yeah.
Like, when somebody's gonna be there later maybe, but only they're here now.
Or like when you're gonna be there later, but you haven't even left yet.
Like- Like that.
Yeah, of course.
Yeah, absolutely.
Really? Shel, time is just somethin' that we assign.
You know.
Past, future, present.
It's just all arbitrary.
Most Native Americans- They don't even think of time as linear.
In time, out of time.
Uh, I never have enough time.
Circular time, the Stevens wheel.
I mean, all moments are happening all the time.
You know, look at Einstein.
Yeah? Theory of relativity.
You go far enough fast enough, it's just gonna bend the whole situation.
Like, you and I-We could zip out to Alpha Centauri at the speed of light.
That's our nearest star neighbor, right? By the time we get back, everybody's poppin'up daisies.
So- So, like, if it did happen- time travel- why would it? Why would somebody from the future come here now? Um, uh, play the stock market? Uh, take over the world.
I don't know.
What if they're too young to play the stock market? Well, you know, we're the future, if you're talkin' about somebody from 1926.
But if I went back there, I'd probably- I'd dissolve their existential angst.
I'd say, " Hey, you know.
Everything- Everything worked out okay," which, you know, it really did.
I mean, prohibition bombed, and, you know, that'd probably perk 'em up a bit.
So, like, it was gonna be okay, huh? Yeah.
I mean, he'd run into Al DS, and Hitler, the ozone hole.
Huh.
Nothin' he couldn't ride out.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Thanks.
- Thanks a lot, Chris.
- You're welcome a lot.
See ya.
Okay.
I suppose these cabinets can get through the night without a tarp.
Just hope they don't crack in the cold.
Ruth-Anne, let me help you with that.
You hang by the fire, Walt.
No sense in catching pneumonia on my account.
Here.
Bundle up.
Well, for green wood, that fir's making a good fire, I'd say.
Oh, she's real toasty.
How are those toes of yours? Are they gettin' any feeling back in 'em? Coming around.
Shoes and socks are drying out nicely.
Even a drizzly winter's day back in Portland looks appealing about now.
My Wall Street days.
Morgan Bank had a big Vermont stone fireplace in the conference room on the 20th floor.
Mahogany paneling.
The whole nine yards.
Rather be dead.
Amen.
Well, I'm hungry.
If I don't get my three meals- Are you? Got another of those delicious ham salad sandwiches? All kinds of things.
There's a tangerine.
Bag of Cheetos.
Oh.
I thought I had two ham salads.
- I guess we'll have to share.
- No, no, no, no, no, no.
You have the sandwich, Ruth-Anne.
I'll- I'll take the tangerine.
That is, if you don't want it.
A tangerine? Is that all? I like fruit in the evening.
Well, I suppose there's my ice cream.
Your butter brickle? But you said that was your special before-bedtime delicacy, didn't you? - I'm not that hungry.
- Are you sure? Sure.
Okay then.
It's yours.
Perfect.
Ah.
Will that be all for you, Maggie? Well, I think I'll have some of that Bubble Yum.
Um, sour cherry.
Thanks, Ed.
Ah.
Good choice.
Sour cherry.
One of my favorites.
See? See, that's what I mean, right there.
What? Oh, that's a little powdered sugar.
Oh.
No.
No.
I ask you for something, you give it to me, we chitchat.
It's all very pleasant, right? Yeah.
I mean, I'm a pleasant person.
I- I-I get along with people.
But me and Fleischman- Every time we get together, I mean, even though we're trying- You know, we're trying to try.
It starts off fine.
We're happy, and we're pleasant, but then all sudden, it just- I don't know.
I don't know.
It just, um- Hmm.
Oh, forget it.
Oh.
All right.
Well, paper or plastic? It just goes wrong, Ed.
You know, he comes over to my house, it's pleasant, Ifix him this nice dinner, and then within five minutes he's all over me about stomach linings.
And did- did I do anything? Did I say anything? Plastic.
Of course I didn't.
I don't think I did.
All right.
Maybe I did.
Maybe I do.
There you go, Maggie.
I'll just put it on your tab.
Oh, thanks, Ed.
Hey.
Have a good day, okay? A really great day.
Really pleasant.
Right.
See ya.
Where is everybody anyway? In such a hurry nowadays, they won't take the scenic route.
You sit tight, Ruth-Anne.
I'll walk up ahead.
Might be a cabin.
Damn! Forget it, Walt.
Time for plan " B.
" Well, let's get this bucket of bolts started.
Started? She's still stuck in low.
There's a way to override the neutral safety switch on these automatics.
- There is? - Yeah, you cross the solenoid to the starter.
Wait a minute.
Wait.
Let me understand this.
You can get this buggy back on the road? Mm-hmm.
Don't tell me I don't have a screwdriver.
Ah.
Here it is.
Just like that? We could've been on our way last night? Back in Cicely? Well, it means I have to leave my cases.
This old six-banger won't haul all that weight in low.
So that's why.
That's why we froze our tails all night.
No bedrolls, no flares.
All for a bunch of fool retail shelves.
We both thought somebody would be by.
I took a shot.
A shot? About frostbit my toes.
I got 'em all, lady.
No thanks to you.
I even went hungry.
Froze my tail off by that stingy little fire of yours.
So cold, didn't get a wink's sleep.
You sure bit on that free ride to the osteopath, though, didn't you? Osteopath? Is that what you think, woman? I've got the bones of a 50-year-old.
Are you blind? Don't you see what's going on here? These are my church shoes.
This is my good sweater.
Do I have to spell it out for you? I'm interested, Ruth-Anne.
Or at least I was.
Interested? And thank my lucky stars Ifind out about you now before I get all emotionally dependent.
Traipsing all over hill and dale just 'cause I wanted to be with you.
Well, here you are.
You gonna stand there all day and bitch, or are you gonna help me unhook this trailer? Hey, Holling.
Hey,Joel.
You call the hospital? Yes, sir.
I got you all set up in a nice birthing suite.
It'll be just like home.
A bed in there.
You'll be able to sleep.
It'll be perfect.
Hot dang! You hear that, hon? Joel has got us a special room at St.
Mary.
Grab your things.
We're on our way.
To Anchorage? Already? Yeah, Shel.
Today's the day.
Oh.
No.
But, uh, I'm not ready yet.
Now, Shel.
Well, I gotta see if she's okay and everything.
I mean, I gotta know if everything worked out.
- Who? - What? - Who's all right? - Nobody.
But you just said- My receiving blanket.
I left her at the Wash-and-Dry, soaking in some Softex.
I gotta see if she's, uh, you know, soft.
Your receiving blanket? You wouldn't want me to leave a brand-new baby in a scratchy old blanket, would you? Well, no.
So? All right, Shelly.
Go do your laundry, or whatever you have to do, but come 4:00, we gotta be on that plane goin' to that hospital.
Okay.
Uh, I gotta go.
Uh, we'll be ready,Joel.
I promise you.
Forget those things, will ya? Let's start this rust bucket and get this show on the road! I'm not leaving without my name and number on here, in case somebody finds 'em.
Shake a leg, will ya? Move it! Okay now.
Remember what I told you, Walt.
Foot on that brake, and don't let up.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
This hood could take off my head if you let it jump forward.
Don't give me any ideas.
Gas, for God's sake.
She's tryin' to turn over.
Want me to flood it? That's it.
More.
She's up! Keep your foot heavy on that brake now.
Get your fanny in here.
Let's go.
Shove over.
Go on.
Gas, Ruth-Anne! Don't let it stall out, for cry-eye.
Just let me drive.
Come on.
We've been over this.
I don't want to talk about it anymore.
No, C.
J.
I can't come back now.
I got my motel reservations and everything.
Look.
I gotta get off the phone.
I gotta go, or I'll never get there.
Boy.
Wow.
Did you turn out decked.
Huh? I mean cool sweater.
You fill it up and everything.
Angora.
Kind of.
Fight with your steady eddie, huh? I just gotta do this.
He's gotta know that.
I got talent.
Those girls can use me.
So you're joining up with a band, huh? Playin' your drums? Drums? Me? Oh, yeah.
My drums.
How'd you know about that? I put my kit away in ninth grade.
Oh, uh- No.
No.
I- I'm going to Texas for the Dallas Cowboy cheerleader tryouts.
You're gonna try and cheer with those babes? That's the top of the top.
I won regionals.
Judge said I was a lock.
Course, nothing's nothin' till it's somethin', but I at least gotta show 'em my stuff.
Oh, yeah.
When that ring swings by, you gotta take a grab at it.
Besides, I got a pretty good feeling you're gonna catch it.
That's what my mom said.
Mom? Your mom.
How's she doing? She didn't gain weight or anything, did she? My mom's a total fox.
High boobs and a tight can.
She's still stoppin' traffic.
- Yeah? - Yeah, this season we stripped her hair in platinum and dropped in a blue streak.
- Your dad like it? - Oh, anything Mom does is cool to Pop.
He's a total dad.
Hates football, but him and Jared are behind me 100%.
Can't wait to see me on TV.
Jared? Oh, that's my little brother.
Wow.
God, look at the time.
I better hit the road if I'm gonna make Texas by Monday.
It was nice talkin' to you.
Oh, it was really nice talking to you too.
Look.
Um, can I give you a hug? I mean, for good luck, you know.
Sure.
I guess I better let you go.
You know, maybe this is like a lucky sign or something.
What? Well, here I am starting off on my brand-new life, and today's my birthday.
It is? Right at happy hour.
Well, that's because I was born upstairs from a bar.
- See ya.
- See ya.
Upstairs from a bar.
Hey.
Hey.
T- minus 60 minutes till blastoff.
Can I help you with anything? Like, you need more gas or help deicing the wings or anything? Oh, no, thanks.
I'm all topped off and ready to go.
You got some wood of your own, huh? Mm-hmm.
Can I give you a hand? Thanks, Fleischman.
Physical labor.
Nothing as invigorating.
Yep.
I used to make a fortune, shovelin' sidewalks when I was a kid.
The faster you shoveled, the more you made.
Oh, yeah? Yeah.
That's impressive, Fleischman.
I'm impressed.
Paid my way to Camp Cuamba one summer.
Oh, yeah? Well, my dad used to say- Halfway anyway.
"Pay Maggie by the hour.
PayJeffy by the job.
" Hey.
What? - Look at us.
- Why'd you stop? We're actually racing.
We're- We're- We're having a race to stack your wood.
- We are, aren't we? - This is unbelievable.
You know, I'll tell you something.
I think we do this with everything.
I think- I think everything between us becomes a competition.
It does? Yeah.
Don't you think? I mean, half the time we're together, we're- we're trying to ace the other one out.
What am I supposed to do? Just let you win? That's what I mean.
It doesn't feel healthy.
If somebody wins or somebody loses.
Who cares? Yeah.
We did it the other night, when we had popcorn.
Remember? And we got all bent as to who had the fewest old maids.
That was kind of sick.
I mean, we-we should really be cheering each other on and reveling in- in each other's successes.
Yeah.
Dr.
F! Dr.
F! Hey, Mag.
What? Hey.
Quick, Dr.
F.
Clock's ticking.
What's goin' on? It's time.
- Okay.
I'll meet you at the airport then.
- Oh.
No frequent fliers on this one, Mags.
I'm droppin' the pooper at 5:00 sharp up in the love grotto.
Come on.
All right.
All right.
I'll see you there! I'll see you there! Okay.
Let me just put you in the car.
What's Fleischman doin' up there? Uh, he's only been up there a couple minutes.
Ooh! I think I hear him comin'.
Hey.
All right.
She is seven centimeters.
I think we're in for a home delivery here, and the way things are goin', pretty soon.
So do me a favor.
Go to the office and get my infant bag, all right? Okay.
Okay.
The rest of you guys, um, if you want to be helpful, I could use some more towels.
I'm gonna need a washtub, a box of cigars.
All right.
Let's have ourselves a baby.
She's having the baby.
Mon Dieu! Okay.
Come on, Chris.
Washtubs and towels.
Right, right, right.
She's having it now! I'll get my camera! Boiling water.
Come on, Mick.
We can give 'em plenty of that.
Let's-You grab that hot mitt.
We'll just heft these pots right on upstairs.
Oh, my God.
My goodness, Shelly is having the baby.
Hey, Mick.
Yeah? There's fettuccine in here.
It's Alfredo night, Holling.
What do they always do with this boiling water anyway? Sterilize stuff? Yeah, well, that'd be my guess.
We-We better- better scoop the noodles out.
Yeah.
Okay, Shelly.
Knees back.
Okay.
Bear down.
One big push this time, okay? One big push.
Good.
All right.
Good.
Okay.
Relax.
Breathe.
Contraction.
Contraction, contraction! All right.
Shelly, knees back.
All right? Remember your technique? Good.
All right.
Good.
Another contraction, people.
Another contraction.
Three minutes apart.
Whoo! You got it! Elbows up, honey girl.
Chin on chest.
- All right.
Good.
Here we go.
There's the top of the head.
- Oh, my God.
Oh, my God.
There it is! - It's crowning.
- Crowning? Crowning! Shelly, listen to me.
Try to keep the baby just where it is, okay? - Remember your technique? Okay, breathe.
Relax.
It's crowning.
It's crowning.
It's crowning.
One big push.
Come on.
Ed.
Ed.
Sorry, Dr.
Fleischman.
- Dr.
F.
, I gotta push! I gotta push! Can I push? - Can she push? Push.
Push.
I'm pushin'.
I'm pushin'.
- Breathe.
Breathe.
Wait for me.
Hold on.
- All right.
Here we go.
It's comin'.
It's comin'.
Here we go.
It's coming? - Oh, my God.
It's coming.
It's coming.
- It is.
It's coming.
One big push.
Come on.
All right.
All right.
There it is.
All right.
Ah.
Look who's here.
It's a girl.
It's a girl.
It's a girl.
Oh, my God.
I've got a little girl.
I've got a little girl.
Shelly, we've got a little girl.
We sure do, H.
Got a good set ofbagpipes on her too.
Joel, is that the right color? Is she supposed to be blue? Trust me, Holling.
She is perfect.
She is absolutely beautiful.
Hey, Miranda.
How you doin'? You're just a little bitty thing now, aren't you? She's beautiful, H.
It's a girl.
That's somethin', huh? - Yeah.
- I believe she might have set a land speed record for delivery.
Good-lookin'baby, huh? Gorgeous.
- I think she's gonna be a tall one.
- You can tell that? Yeah.
Sure.
Oh.
- Hey, Fleischman.
You did a really good job.
- Thanks.
No.
I mean it.
You were really good in there.
There we all were, and- and Shelly was having this baby, and somethin' could've happened, you know- something dangerous- and I didn't think about it the whole time.
I- I don't think anybody did.
And that's because, you know, you were there.
You have this way of making people feel, um- I don't know.
Safe.
Thanks.
Yeah.
Well, I just wanted you to know.
I think someone's crying in there.
Someone's hungry.
If I could step on it any faster, believe me, I would.
There's nobody wants to see this trip end more than me.
I didn't say anything.
You were thinking it.
Hey, look.
There's the back side of Coffee Pot Rock.
Coffee Pot Rock? Really? Thank goodness.
May I? Mm-hmm.
Might be able to bring in K- Bear from here.
That way, you don't have to hear my thoughts.
People, we interrupt our prerecorded Euro punk retrospective with breaking news from the front.
Cicely's 844th citizen just clocked into town.
That's right, listeners.
The Tambo-Vincoeurs are proud to announce the arrival of an eight pound, eight ounce, They had a girl.
Well, I'll be.
and soak up some suds with the rest of the party-hearty contingent.
Free beer! Yahoo! Please.
A girl.
I thought so.
Family starting.
My dance card's gonna be full of a lot of babysitting.
Mine too.
What happened? What's wrong? Oh, we'll get it started again.
Don't worry.
I just think a celebration's in order, don't you? Your butter brickle? Well, I don't carry champagne in my pocketbook, Walt.
Uh, check the glove box for utensils, would ya? Two forks and a spoon.
You keep the spoon.
Thank you.
You first.
Lot of nice brickle to it.
Here's to the baby.
Health and happiness, child, and bundles of love.
Even if you turn out to be the kind of gal who, uh, gets a little too focused occasionally.
You know.
One who is so busy melting her sugar that she lets the yams burn.
And if you are that kind of gal, may you find a fella who kind of likes his yams on the crusty side.
Means there's probably a fire in there somewhere.
- That Pat makes a good brickle.
- The best.
Gee, H.
She's kind of rockety-headed, isn't she? You know, pointy.
Joel says that's due to her trip through the birth canal.
Rest assured, she'll be as pretty as her mama in no time.
Oh, babe.
This little chicklet's gonna be more champ than that.
She's an off-the-chart knockout.
Such tiny little hands.
Tiny little fingernails.
Here, babe.
You give her your own little rockaby, why don't you? Oh, my.
She- She's just a brand-new, whole little person all to herself, isn't she? - Mm-hmm.
- She's got her whole life ahead of her to live.
Who are you, baby doll? What's going on in that pointy head of yours, little Miranda Bliss? Randi.
Hey, Randi.
Hey, my beautiful baby.