Rescue Me s05e15 Episode Script
Initiation
Previously on "rescue me" Wait,wait--promise me-- you've got to promise me that damian's going to get into your house and that you're going to keep watch over him.
Yeah,I--listen,when he graduates,ok, he's stuck by my side.
He's stuck to me like glue.
Hey,who's the babe frank's talking with? Oh,that's franco's friend.
She's a total lesbo.
You'll bust his hole,franco! Need I say more? When are they going to let you out of here? Doc wants to keep him around a few days.
You know,just to be sure.
It didn't look like you were going to make it there for a minute,homey.
I'm saying a prayer for you every night.
- We all were.
- Thanks.
- I love you,sean.
- Hey,yeah--ok.
How about that?That was-- listen,a little help here,guys? Did you come with fire trucks? We should just take him down to the firehouse.
I'm afraid he can't leave the hospital in his condition.
Well,you know what?Maybe we can bring the trucks to you.
I've never seen them so thrilled.
Don't you guys have to get the trucks back? Oh,forget about that.
It's against regulations,but it doesn't matter.
I don't care if needles or anybody else finds out about this.
Get in.
We'll pretend like we're going to a fire.
All right.
Well,we'll pretend.
That'll be cool,fun--cool.
No,pretend!Dominic! Dominic,stop the truck!Dominic! Jesus christ! Oh!Jeez.
Ok.
Thank you.
Thank you for waiting.
I always forget the goddamn camera.
You know,the other day,after damian's graduation,we get home.
He goes to bed,and then all of a sudden I realize,I didn't take one picture of him.
- Right.
- Poor kid.
I made him get up and put back on his class a'S.
All right,come on,they're all in there.
I need you to tell me that he's going to be ok.
Listen,did I not get him into this firehouse,ok?You don't trust me? Look,this is the same firehouse that was on the cover of "the post" last week.
Let's see,what was it? - "Cancer boy smokes bravest.
" - Ok.
It's "the new york post," all right? Second of all,he couldn't be in a safer firehouse,ok? It's like getting hit by lightning,or,you know,eaten by a shark.
The chances of it happening again here--it's like a million to one.
It's like 10 million to one,ok? Listen, him being here-- It's not what I want,ok? But it's what he wants.
And so I am busting butt trying to be all supportive and happy and shit,but you--I need you to tell me that everything's going to be ok so that I don't go out of my goddamn mind with worry.
I need you to tell me that he's not going to get hurt.
Sheila,he's a goddamn fireman now,ok? I mean,he's going to get hurt.
He's--ow! He's going to get,you know,banged up,but-- Hey! - Don't--don't you hit me again.
- Then don't say that again.
He won't get burnt.
That's the best I can do.
Jesus christ.
Look,it's not just me saying it.
You know that if jimmy were here, he would be saying the same thing to you.
He would say, "just watch after my kid.
" Stay close to him.
I'm--I'm doing that.
Don't you think he'd be really proud today? Oh,boy.
Yes,he would be really proud.
Now, you got to get in that kitchen.
Because lou's been in there in that cave for about 10 minutes, and believe me,that is 10 minutes too long.
Ok,all right,squeeze in,mikey.
- A little more.
- Come on.
- A little more.
- A little more.
Ok,get ready to smile.
- Everyone say "V.
D.
- " V.
D.
! Oh--wait,wait,i didn't-- - just another one! - No,no,no.
I've been in this room with the cake for,like,10 minutes and I haven't eaten it yet.
It's completely unnatural.
All right? - Blow them out,big guy.
- Let her take another.
- All right,yay! - Yay! Congratulations,probie.
You're now officially a member of the brotherhood of dysfunctional action junkies.
It is going to be an honor and a privilege to make your life a living hell every day-- - Yes.
- For the next year.
John,I hope that you're not talking about hazing.
Because in this day and age,I think it's something that the department would frown upon.
Mom,stop.
Hazing is a rite of passage.
I wouldn't be a real firefighter without it.
You know,damian,that is a very mature attitude you're displaying.
I'm happy to hear you say that.
You just keep that in mind when we treat you to a walk with fido.
What's that one again,frank? That's when you go out on the sidewalk and you find a nice steaming lump of dog shit and you put it in the guy's boots and then hope for a really long call so you can watch him walk around in shit the whole time.
- Or of course,the san diego charger.
- oh.
When they replace the bath mat with the electrical blanket and when the guy gets out of the shower and steps on and gets shocked? - No,that's the san quentin.
- Are you sure? Isn't the san quentin when you attach a car battery to a metal chair, and make it the only place where a guy can sit for lunch? No,no,that's the jumper seat.
Oh,jumper seat--yeah,yeah.
You guys,there's too many of these.
You're making me sweat.
No,there's not really that many.
There's the shits and giggles,there's the toledo wake up call.
Oh,that's a classic.
Of course,the spic 'n span.
What's the spic 'n span? - Oh,the bald and the beautiful.
- Oh,yes! Why,what's that? Why,what is that? What is it? The bald and beautiful is, you take a guy's shampoo and empty it out and refill it with nair.
So when he's-- we don't really do that one anymore.
- We kind of cast that one out.
- Yeah,right,right.
It's not cool.
And my pubes didn't grow back for,like,two months.
Like a 10-year-old boy.
That was the only time your looks actually matched your intellect.
Ok!I think that this has been super fun, but I'm going to go to church now and start praying.
Oh,mama,don't leave yet.
Don't me here with the baby boy.
I thought you were going to come out on a couple of runs with us,hang out for a couple days.
You're so funny--no!I'm fine.
Because I know that damian is in good hands.
And he's being watched over by a great bunch of guys.
- And tommy.
- And tommy.
So funny.
Hey,look,he is now officially part of the family, and you are in capable hands.
And I think we got tommy a little something.
Yes,we do.
We have your dad's spare bunker jacket which he wore several times as his backup.
But now,it is officially yours.
He would have been proud.
Yeah.
Jimmy would be real proud.
- Jimmy is proud.
- We all are.
Oh,his mother's crying.
- That's not why we did it.
- I'm ok.
He can take another picture now.
No,no,no,sheila,I'll take the picture.
You get in,come on.
Ok.
I got it,I got it.
- I don't know if I wound it.
- No,I got it,I got it,i got it.
- You ok? - Ah,there it is.
Franco,move your big head.
Let mikey get in,come on.
Ok.
Ok,tommy,look up.
Look up.
And one,two-- yeah! It's going to go really well on your living room wall,sheila.
- Thank you,honey.
- Yeah,no problem.
Ok,you guys.
Now,damian,you be safe.
And I will see you tonight,ok? No,none of that stuff.
- Come on.
- Oh,no,no,you guys.
It's ok.
It's totally ok.
Ok.
All right,guys,bye.
- See you,sheil.
- Bye.
So nice of your mother to stop by.
All right,kids,the party's over,I'm afraid.
It's time to suit up.
And let's get some work done around here.
Yeah.
But first,here is to damian! - Oh! - Yes! - To damian! - To damian! - Yeah! - Yeah! - To damian! - Yes! - To damo! - Damo! I got a el duble.
- Oh! - Yeah! - Yeah,nice and pretty.
- Nice.
Wait,wait,wait.
Oh.
Oh,no.
Oh! To damian! Yes,yes! Let's get at.
There you go.
To damian! Come on,damian.
- Have some fun.
- There you go.
Have some fun.
Oh! Pistachios,peanuts,yeah? Come on.
Come on.
Cake,cake,cake,cake! Yeah! Nice! That was a good one,probie.
- Very nice.
- Yeah,probie! I knew it.
Making dad proud.
- Thank you.
- The good stuff.
All right.
Now--uh¡ª - Clean up all this shit.
- Yep.
What? No,it's--no questions,probie.
Clean it up.
Now,punk.
Bee-atch.
Hey,welcome to the 62 truck,kid.
Um--this is called the spic 'n span,by the way.
Minus the spic.
I really got to clean this all up? Yep.
Don't worry,it could be worse.
How? Proudly Presents Season 05 Episode 15 Jesus christ.
It's a brass ring about 7 inches in diameter with an adjustable clasp on one side.
Are you actually telling me you made it all the way through probie school without seeing a universal hose coupler? Lou,I searched through the entire basement.
I didn't see anything matching that description.
Well,then you know what,damian?Search again.
And don't come back to me until you find one,ok? All right.
Is this one of those wild goose chase things where it doesn't really exist and you're just busting my balls? Well,well,well,you know what,damian? You caught me.
So,what do we do now?I know.
Why don't you leave me your boots and then go out onto the street and find me a big pile of dog shit? I'll keep looking for the coupler.
That's a good choice.
- See ya.
- Bye-bye.
- Universal hose coupler? - Always a favorite.
I love it.
Hey,lou,did you get a call about this johnny bones thing tomorrow night? Oh,yeah,7:00 way out in brooklyn someplace? What,are they dedicating something to him? Yeah,like a banquet hall or something like that,you know.
Yeah,that's great.
A guy dies 9/11,it takes them like 8 years to get a memorial together.
Yeah,probably being organized by the same bunch of dipshits who are putting up the freedom tower.
You know,at the rate that thing's going, they're going to have to dig us out of our graves to go to the unveiling.
I guess we should make an appearance,though,to show our respect.
Yeah.
You know,those things are always just swelling with assholes,though.
Yeah.
But you remember his--his widow,kim--kimmy? Oh,yeah,yeah.
Well,you know she's going to be there.
And the word is, she took a big chunk of that widow money and bought herself some tits to match that ass.
We should probably go,yeah.
Just--just,you know,just for the-- hey,chief.
Half a day today,chief? What's that supposed to mean,asshole? Um--nothing,just being not funny,I guess.
Yeah.
Well,I'm a little late getting to the house, but I was right on time for my 7:30 reaming down at headquarters.
It's funny,they're still a little miffed about the whole cancer kid stealing one of our vehicles things.
They're looking for someone's head to be served up.
I'm just trying to figure out who that's going to be.
Keep writing,lou.
I'm thinking gavin.
Hey.
Oh,hey.
I just heard damian swearing a blue streak down in the basement.
The old universal hose coupling? - Correct.
- I remember that one.
Yeah.
We just pulled it on you last week.
What's this? Oh,it's a benefit for gary to help him out with his medical expenses.
At the bar this saturday night, my band's playing.
We're totally going to rock.
You're not putting these up outside the house,are you? Yeah,jesus christ.
Exactly what we need.
Like,advertising for our totally illegal under the table joint.
No,no,they're just for us guys,and a few guys at other houses who know sean,you know? Check it out,dude.
Apache stone? Yep.
That's my band.
It sounds like a native american gift shop in tucson.
Yeah,or maybe a casino in connecticut.
Guys,we're actually called apache stone because I have native american blood running through my veins.
Yeah,and retard blood running through your brain.
All through the brain.
No,no,I'm serious,guys.
I'm like 2% northeast apache.
Like,my mom traced her bloodline on the internet.
You're native american? Yeah,but only like 2%,so what does that come out to?What part of you? Well,maybe one ball.
You should rename the band and call it "cherokee testicle.
" "Pawnee nut boys.
" Yeah,yeah,you guys can laugh all you want,but wait till you hear us play.
Yeah,you know,he's right.
We should probably save this laughter till we hear him play.
I suggest we pack the place full of totally hot chicks,though.
It's the only thing that's going to keep it from completely clearing out as soon as comanche ball sack starts playing.
You know what,frank? That's not a bad idea,actually.
Maybe you could have your girlfriend invite some of her friends.
You know,I'm sure she's got some hot fillies in her stable,right? Yeah,a couple of bulls,too,I think.
Carla's not a dyke,lou.
No,frank,of course she's not.
But you know,if she is-- i mean,frank says he's getting the best sex of his life with this chick,right? And if she's straight,then cool.
- She invites some straight friends.
- Carla's not gay.
You guys got any doubts,you can ask my cock,ok? No,no,frank,of course she isn't,dude.
But you know,if she is,then what,she invites a bunch of hot lesbos, and we all get a shot at getting some of that hot sex frankie's getting,right? It's a win-win,man.
Some nasty lesbo ass.
You know,I'd appreciate it if you guys cut the crap.
I finally find a woman I'm happy about and, you know,I'd like a little support from my brothers,if you don't mind.
Franco,we're all excited about you and carla,but come on,man.
You got to admit,your boo is a little butch.
A little?Christ,if her testosterone ever blows, we're going to have to get red adair in here to cap it.
Red adair? You know,john wayne played him in a movie.
- John wayne? - Yo! Hey,hey.
Hey.
They finally let you out,huh? Well,you know,I was going to stay a couple extra days in the hospital, but I figured i can't afford it,so,you know-- I got to sit down now.
Oh,yeah.
So what's up,man? When are you coming back to work? Soon,I think.
The doctors said I got to take two weeks' rest at home, and then another couple weeks to,you know, get my strength back at the gym and whatnot.
But soon.
Well,do you think maybe you should go home and rest up,dude? You know,you don't want to overdo it.
No,bro.
I mean,that's just it.
I mean,I--you know, this whole experience has made me realize, I'm going to totally overdo it from now on.
I'm just going to live my life bigger,you know? - Second chance,right? - Yeah,yeah.
I mean,as tired as I am,and as much as this whole thing has beat me up, i wish you guys could be me right now.
Because I'm telling you,when they rolled me out of the hospital in that wheelchair, and I looked up at that beautiful blue sky,I stared at it like it was a giant naked picture of jessica alba.
Well,I wish we were,dude.
And I took this breath in,right? And the air tasted so sweet and good and thick,and i just-- I started crying,you know? Weird.
And I thought to myself,"oh,great,I'm going to be that guy that cries now, like when the wind blows.
" But that's not why I'm crying.
I'm crying because I've been living my life so small.
You know?And I'm tired of that.
I'm going to live it to the fullest,you know what I mean? And I'm not talking about being something other than a firefighter.
I love what we do.
I'm just saying,you know,I want to do more and--and live better, and be that firefighter,that guy,that friend,that everything,you know? I mean,god forbid the cancer comes back,or we all burn up in a fire, I want to be able to say to myself as the lights go out, "you know what?I didn't live a perfect life.
But hey, I lived that bitch to the fullest.
" - Wow.
- Wow.
You ok? Yeah,I just talked a lot.
I was really--I'm tired.
Oh,here,man,have a smoke.
It'll make you feel better.
Oh,that'll be great.
- Yeah.
- Thanks,pal.
Oh,yeah,baby.
Bam.
It's good to be alive.
- Yeah.
- Yeah,yeah! Well,this is it.
We're taking off.
You going to be ok? Yeah,yeah,I think so.
As long as I don't get cancer again.
Yeah,well,you know,not to bring you down or anything, but you know,considering the type of cancer you had, and the Of ground zero,the chances of you having a reoccurrence are pretty strong.
Yeah--anyway,listen,I broke the dot selector on the toaster.
You know,I know money's been a little tight, so I left you 5 bucks on the counter to cover it.
You know,between you and I,I think it was going to break,anyway.
I figure it's the least I can do for my kid brother.
So--hey,it's good to see you.
Ok,bro.
What's he doing,ma? It's like a trap or something? Calm down.
He just wants a hug.
- From me? - Yeah.
Yeah,from you.
Come on,man.
Jesus.
Go ahead.
Jesus--I think we're getting out just in time,ma.
- Come on.
- Yeah,whatever.
Fine.
Thanks for coming.
- Hey! - Whoa,what's the matter? What the hell are you doing? That was lovely.
What are you talking about? You bumped me with your package.
You don't package bump when you hug.
I didn't package bump you.
What the hell are you talking about? You're supposed to pull your package back when you hug a man.
My package was pulled back,ok? Yeah,why don't you try reading the manual once in a while? The manual?I was--my hips were all out,man.
- I didn't touch you-- - You didn't pull your pelvis back! That's what you're supposed to do,you dick weed.
You know what? Just take your shit and go.
You're unbelievable.
You know what? You're just a dick.
Get out.
Don't let the door hit you on the way out,jerk off.
See you,squirt.
Ok,yeah,with your fruity shopping bags.
"Oh,look at me,I got cancer.
Help.
" I don't care what he says.
It did my heart good seeing you boys be sweet like that.
Oh,yeah? Do I need to pee one more time? Nah,I'm good.
- Take care,kid.
- All right,ma.
Hey,ma,there's something I want to say to you.
I just-- I--I--now that I'm feeling clearheaded,i think I'm just going to come right out and say it.
I know that you love terrence more than you love me,ok? And you don't have to say anything,because it's clear,ok? And i don't know why that is.
Maybe it's because,you know,he's a big baby, even though he's smart and all that stuff.
Or maybe it's because he stayed and I didn't, or he needs you more than I do.
I don't know what it is.
Or maybe it's because you're getting older and you realize that as you get older, you're going to need him as much as he needs you.
I--it doesn't matter.
I just want you to know that I'm aware of it, and I'm ok with it.
- Sean-- - Yeah.
- You're right.
- Good,good.
Really? I'm sorry.
I love terrence much more than I love you.
Yeah.
Well,much more? I mean,I was thinking it would be like a little bit more.
Jesus,it feels good to have it out in the open! - Now it's my turn! - Great,ok.
- Oy! - Yeah.
Hey,don't listen to your brother.
You know how to hug just fine.
- Thanks.
- And don't look for that $5.
I took it for cigarettes for the drive.
- Ok.
- Later,sweetheart.
All right,ma.
Thanks for coming.
I'll call you.
I'm going to try this one on.
- Cool.
- Oh,yeah.
Can I try the blue one,too,mom? Yeah,honey.
Honey,try them both.
Ok.
Ok,we'll be waiting right here.
- Did you hear that? - Yeah.
- Yes,she just called me mom.
- I know.
Not mommy.
I am mom again.
She's coming back to us.
Yep.
Congratulations,mom.
Uh--not now,big boy.
We don't have time.
Oh,you know what? Unless we were to sneak into one of the changing rooms and I was to give her a bunch of dresses.
We could have a quickie.
But,like,a real "quickie" quickie.
I'm--I'm fine with that.
I just was actually just giving you a hug.
- Really? - Yeah.
Oh,oh.
Because,you know,I just-- I thought that it was like a sexy hug.
No,it was just a hug.
You know,like a "hug" hug.
Yeah--I don't--we don't-- you know what?Let's just forget the "hug" hugs,ok? - Ok.
- Ok.
I just thought,you know,since we're kind of doing it again,it might be nice to throw in a hug or a "hug" hug,you know,every once in a while,and-- Hey,tommy,forget the goddamn hugs,ok? We are being nice to each other to gain back our daughter's love and affection.
This--we're having sex because it is mutually pleasurable,right? - Yeah.
- Great.
I just,you know--i mean, if we're having sex,we could also be affectionate to each other.
Oh,god,no,tommy.
No,if you were affectionate with me,I might actually start liking you.
And then we're going to go down that same old trap again.
All right,wait--you want to explain that? We're having sex,but you--you don't like me? Well,after everything we've been through,do you even have to ask? Yeah,I do.
I mean-- you haven't--we're having sex.
But you don't like me? - That's what you-- - Which makes it better.
All right.
That's bullshit.
You have to like me.
Oh,ok,well,tommy,of course,ok? Of course I like you.
I do.
You know,I just--i don't "like you" like you.
You know what it is? I love you,I love you.
In a deep and cavernous way.
You know,that is streamlined with ribbons of hate-- and disdain.
Yeah? And you know,resentment.
Ok?But I am focusing right now on the sex.
- Because the sex is great.
- Yeah.
Ok?So let's just forget all about the,like, the love and the hugs and the ribbons and the hate, and let's focus on the hot,steamy,sneaky sex.
Ok? - Yeah.
- Ok.
So do you want to go in there and scope out the changing rooms while I get about 15 dresses for her to try on,or not? Well,of course.
- Ok,ok.
- Ok.
Hey.
This is the one,mom.
This is the one I want.
This is it.
That's--that's great.
- Yeah.
- Yeah.
Ok.
Come on,let's go pay for it.
- All right.
- Ok.
Holy shit.
Hey,hello,tommy! - Tommy! - Hey.
- How you guys doing? - Yeah! - What's going on? - Hey,nothing.
Last time i checked,this was a party,right? That's right,yeah.
Why don't you guys just slow it down a little bit,huh? - Oh,ain't no slowing down.
- Nah,none of that.
We're living life the sean garrity way.
You don't do it small,you do that shit b-I-g--big sign.
No regrets,man.
A sky full of jessica alba.
Yeah.
A sky full of jessica alba's ass.
- Skate,skate,bang,bang-- - bitches! Yeah,well,she does have a nice,little-- Yeah.
Good luck with that,boys.
It's round.
- Did you work with bonesy? - No.
Friend of the family? You could say.
I say forget the family.
I wouldn't mind being a friend of kim'S.
I mean,I know she's remarried.
But I mean,who wouldn't mind having that ass? And those new boobs? I mean,talking about widow money being well spent,jesus christ.
You know, instead of hanging that stupid plaque on the wall in some shitty banquet hall, i think that they should hang it right underneath that rack of hers, so whoever the lucky bastard is who's drilling her knows whose blood,sweat,and tears,and life he owes for that magnificent new set of tetons.
You're the new husband,aren't you? Nice talking to you.
Hey.
Hey.
Hey,can I get a bushmills? Two fingers,please.
How are you doing? Great,I'm making a complete dick hole of myself.
Good.
Bonesy's wife is really showing off the new tits,huh? Yeah,well,you know,don't let her new husband hear you say that.
You said something about the new tits to-- I didn't,not really.
Well,I didn't mention the word "tits" or "titties.
" You said "tetons," didn't you? How do you know these things? - Yeah,I just--where's the plaque at? - It's over here.
They did a pretty good job on--nice picture.
Oh,that's nice.
Wow.
Yeah.
This is awesome.
The flowers are fake,though.
- You're kidding me.
- No.
What,she has no money left after she got the new nipples? Who could blame her? Hey,guys--guys,can we ask you to step away from this area? We're shooting some footage and we want to see that sign in the background.
- Oh,sure.
Yeah,yeah,yeah.
Sorry.
- Thanks.
Are you--what,are you shooting something for the-- shooting something for the family? Sort of.
It's a news thing.
Oh,what are you,a reporter? No.
Hi,I'm dick gerard,state representative for this district.
- Hey.
- Nice to meet to you.
Nice to meet you.
How are you? - Oh,he's a politician.
- Yeah.
You know,what memorial service would be complete without one? Yeah.
You knew johnny bones? Uh--I don't know who you mean.
Johnny bohannan.
His name's on the plaque.
Well,sadly,I--I never met the man.
Well,you know what? Wherever he is,I'm sure he's real torn up about that.
Do you know what firehouse he served out of,or how many kids he had, or any personal or pertinent information about the guy?No? Maybe we should find another spot.
Yeah,maybe you should,because I'll tell you something.
We're firemen,ok? So,we've been through this drill before with politicians.
And we understand exactly what's going on.
You're firemen? - Yeah.
- Yes.
Oh,great.
Well,why don't we get the camera started here and we can get the 3 of us having a serious discussion about the issues that you guys are facing? Oh,good.
Yeah,well,I'm glad you turned the camera on,because you know what? In about a minute,I'm going to stick that camera right up your ass,ok? So you can kind of perform your own little colonoscopy,you know what I mean? Yeah,you know,guys like you--I love you.
What,are you running for office again? You got to get reelected or something? You need some votes? Is that what this whole camera-- 'cause you know,you guys are always doing this.
You know,9/11,after--they always came down and said hello to us and everything else.
We thought you were our best friends.
We thought we--maybe we'd get a pay raise.
Maybe,you know,whatever,but we got nothing,ok? You guys are all the same.
Why don't you turn the goddamn camera off,ok? Wait,no,no,no,no.
Keep it rolling.
No,seriously,turn the camera off.
- No,no,no,keep it-- - What,what? - Look,you're a fireman,right? - Yeah.
And--what was your name again? Tommy gavin,62 truck.
No,it's ok,lou.
It's fine.
Don't worry about it.
Tommy--tommy--look,fellas,I know you're angry.
Yeah? I know you're not angry at me,you're angry at the system,and how it's-- Yeah,you know what?You're right.
You're absolutely right.
I am angry at the system,but unfortunately for you, the system doesn't happen to be here.
Would you hold my drink,please? - And-- - What did I do? What are you doing? Get off of me! Hey,hey,hey! Wait a minute,tommy! Stop this guy or I'll-- do it! Son of a bitch! I can tell.
Baby,do you think you're going to be able to get some of your girlfriends to come to this thing? Because you know,as it stands,all we have to offer is,like, no food,cheap booze,and possibly some really shitty music.
- But it's for a good cause,right? - Yeah,yeah.
Yeah,we're just trying to help a brother out with some hospital bills.
Ooh--which I'm going to need some help with if you don't stop twisting those bad boys! Ah,come on! You better be nice to me,or my girlfriends won't come to your party.
No,seriously,baby,invite anybody you can.
You know,especially if they're good-looking.
Super hot will be preferable,but you know,hey,straight,gay-- it doesn't matter as long as they're hot.
What did you say? Nothing.
You said "straight or gay.
" Why did you say that? - No reason.
- Why did you say that? Oh,not the boys again.
Ah.
Ok,baby.
It was the guys,all right? You know,they met you,and you know,they said they were picking up a slight vibe--oh.
What vibe? Oh,god,i can't tell if that hurts or if it feels really good.
Oh!It hurts,it hurts,it hurts.
Ok,it was just a very slight,very subtle, you know,barely recognizable lesbian thing.
- Uh--from me? - Yeah.
Oh,well,that's not a big deal.
It's not the first time I've been called butch.
Yeah.
You know,plus,these guys--they've never been between the sheets with you,so-- - Get down! - They don't even understand it.
You being lesbian--that's like not even remotely possible.
It's not possible,is it? You know,if you want to be worried about someone's sexual identity,I'd worry about yourself.
Uh--excuse me? What? Well,you know, a big,strong man who likes to get manhandled in bed by a woman? Ok,first of all,you're not manhandling me.
- What? - No,not at all.
No,no! No,no,no.
No,no,no,no.
No! Ya-ha! It's ok,calm down.
Get yourself unhooked.
There you go.
Helmet.
Ok.
Gloves.
Ok.
Door.
Get a load of crispy clean over here,huh? You look very handsome today,damian.
You had to say "crispy clean," didn't you? Now I'm going to be thinking about doughnuts all day.
Thank you.
Gentlemen,second truck is going to be late,so let's stay alert.
We got fires on 5 and 6 going up to the roof.
Sean,mike,you guys take the top floor.
Tommy,franco,give me a search on 5.
Kid,you stay with lou on 4.
Be advised,99's got a dead hydrant.
It's time to make the doughnuts,boys.
Yeah,there we go again.
It's got to be doughnuts,doesn't it? Like that's what's making you think it.
Come on.
Hey,lou,I'm going to take damian up to the third floor with me,all right? Yeah.
I'll take frankie.
Hey,the chief just told us-- I know what the chief said.
Move your ass,let's go.
Come on,hurry up.
Damian,stay close.
Yeah,stand by,chief.
What do we got,boys? Negative.
Fire on 5,lou's search was negative.
It smells like a gas leak.
Cock loft is fully involved.
We're losing that top floor,man.
All right,we'd better dump in a second alarm,chief.
Game over,lou.
Let's back it out.
And we got shit pressure in these lines.
You and those nukes,get out of there! Copy that.
All right,boys,let's go.
Yeah.
Hey,wait,guys.
I think i heard something down the hall.
We checked it.
It's all clear.
No,I heard it,too.
- Somebody might be down there.
- You swept it,right? Yeah,it's all clear.
We checked it.
Christ! God damn it! What do you think,tom? Lou,get everybody out,now! The chief says pull out.
We got to pull out.
Let's go.
All right,boys,let's pull out.
- Let's go.
- Oh,yeah.
Come on,damian,speed it up.
Hey,what--hey,hey! God damn it! Shit.
All right,listen--listen.
You take him out.
I'll go get dami.
- All right,go.
- And hurry up,will you? I got a meatloaf in the oven.
Yeah,god damn it! It would be a meatloaf,right? Hey,assholes! Hey! Where the hell is everyone? We had another hallway to check.
You told me we were all clear.
I thought that we were.
I had to call an audible.
Who are you,tom brady? This thing's about to go,lou.
I'm pulling the lines out.
Tommy,copy! Tommy? I got nothing.
Gavin! Gavin,do you hear me? God damn it,tommy,answer me! Get him down! Way to keep the team together,brady.
You tell the boys the coach wants everyone in the kitchen as soon as we land for a good,old-fashioned ass reaming.
Go! I'm at a loss here,fellas.
I have tried every method I can think of to get the message across.
I've tried to be a pal,play nice,and you take advantage of me.
It was a miscommunication,chief.
Yeah,you know,we thought we left a straggler or two behind.
We got lost on the way back,that's it.
I happened to remember the floor plan because I was at a fire there 15-- - Shut up.
- You-- Shut up! When I give the order to pull out,that is what I expect you to do.
Otherwise,I'm out there in the middle of the street with my thumb up my ass and I don't know where anybody is.
- I-- - What--shut your mouth,gavin! Do you have any idea of the message you are sending to this new probie? What the hell kind of example are you setting out there? You don't get it.
You goddamn morons,do you know what chemistry is,huh? Chemistry is what makes this crew the best goddamn crew I've ever worked with.
Now,you mess with that the way you did today, and I guarantee you--mark my words,people are going to die.
I'm not blaming you.
I'm blaming you.
You stopped being tommy gavin today and you started playing mother hen to that kid.
I promised his mother that i would keep an eye on him.
That's what I was doing.
You were keeping an eye on him the same way you keep an eye on every other goddamn member of this crew.
No different! You got any special responsibility to that kid, it's to turn him into every inch the firefighter his old man was.
'Cause I'll tell all of youse,we get another jimmy keefe on this crew, and nothing's ever going to touch it.
And I'm not going to let you assholes screw that up.
All right.
From now on,damian is with lou.
And that solves your problem.
- Now,you hear me? - Yeah.
Do you hear me? - Yes,chief.
- Yes,yes.
Let's hope so,assholes.
Wash up.
Wow.
- That shit was brutal.
- Yeah,no shit.
And probie's probably still in the kitchen trying to wash the blood off the walls.
Yeah,well,tell me this.
What were we doing listening to garrity in the first place,you know? He's the biggest retard on the crew.
You know what? Strike that--second biggest.
Hey,you know what? I think the chief is right on this one.
I mean,on this job and this crew,there's only one tommy gavin.
And I doubt that any of us would want to be him right now.
Sorry? I said I doubt any of us would want to be him right now.
And by him,I mean you.
- You're not even going to try to-- - Nope.
Yep.
- Yeah? - Hi.
Damian told me what happened today,and I need you to come over right now.
- Why? - Come over now.
- I'll be waiting for you.
- Ok.
"Damian is out with his friends--drink this-- come into the kitchen.
" Who? "Drink this.
Look towards the living room.
Tommy is his name,firefighting is his game.
And he's got sheila on his mind.
And wow! He's feelin' fine! - Go,tommy! - Jesus.
You scared the shit out of me.
Well,you know,i wanted to thank you, for sticking by your word.
You didn't have to thank me,I was just doing my job.
Oh,no.
I'm going to thank you.
I'm going to thank the shit out of you.
All right.
Jesus christ.
Oh.
There you go.
Oh,boy.
You know,this being his first day-- I tell you,it's kind of weird.
It's like for the first time - in months-- - Yeah? I can actually breathe,you know? And it's all because of you.
Yeah? - I'm the greatest.
- Yes,you are.
Hmm,it's like knowing that whenever he goes into a fire, you're going to be right by his side.
It just makes everything better.
That's how it's going to be,right? Good.
- Now-- - Yeah? - Get out of here.
- Ok.
I can--I'm going to just--whew--how about if I make a sandwich and-- Yes,make a sandwich and have a drink,and just make sure that you lock up before you go.
Ok.
- Good night.
- Bye.
You really like bunnies.
Oh,boy.
- Nice going,lover boy.
- Hey.
So you enjoy yourself? What do--what do you mean? Well,did christmas come a little early this year,tom? I mean,what-- You got-- you got a little something in your hair there.
Oh.
Yeah.
Relax.
It's all good.
I mean,I got no choice,right? That's the way it's gonna be.
I've got to face the facts.
I'm dead.
I ain't never coming back.
But she looks good,though.
No,she-- The first time in forever she's happy.
- Yeah.
- Satisfied.
Sleeping through the night.
Damian's as safe as any guy could be on the job,right? And by the way,the chief is right.
Damian should definitely be paired up with lou.
Yeah.
Because you can't focus on him all the time.
You got enough asses to cover at that house.
Yeah.
Any firefighter with a brain under his helmet should know that.
I'm glad you said that.
That's pretty close to what-- what I--you know,i was--I would have said.
So you're cool? - It's all good.
- All-- - It's all good.
- Good.
Well,see you later.
Where are you going? Probably down--down the bar.
Have a,you know-- No,you--you got to go down there and tell her,right? No--no,no,she's asleep.
Yeah,but you got to--you got to go down and tell her.
Yeah,but I,you know,i told her I was going to make a sandwich and then,you know,i was-- and then lock up.
That's what,you know--we have a deal.
I don't stay over.
She's a woman.
What she says and what she really wants never really matches up,right? Yeah.
So what you got to do is,you got to go down there, tell her about damian being with lou now.
Yeah.
I'm not going to do that,bro.
See you later.
You're not leaving,tom.
You're not leaving till you go down there, lay down next to her,spoon with her, and tell her the truth.
Wait,wait--whoa,whoa,whoa.
Did you say spoon? - I said spoon.
- I don't spoon.
I know.
- I said spoon,you're going to spoon.
- I do not spoon.
You will spoon--you're going to spoon with her like you work at a baskin robbins.
- Do you understand me? - I'm not doing it.
Get out there.
Get down there! - Get your ass in there,lover boy.
- I'm going.
- Go.
- Ok.
I'll be right out here if you need me.
Great.
I'm not spooning.
Yeah,I--listen,when he graduates,ok, he's stuck by my side.
He's stuck to me like glue.
Hey,who's the babe frank's talking with? Oh,that's franco's friend.
She's a total lesbo.
You'll bust his hole,franco! Need I say more? When are they going to let you out of here? Doc wants to keep him around a few days.
You know,just to be sure.
It didn't look like you were going to make it there for a minute,homey.
I'm saying a prayer for you every night.
- We all were.
- Thanks.
- I love you,sean.
- Hey,yeah--ok.
How about that?That was-- listen,a little help here,guys? Did you come with fire trucks? We should just take him down to the firehouse.
I'm afraid he can't leave the hospital in his condition.
Well,you know what?Maybe we can bring the trucks to you.
I've never seen them so thrilled.
Don't you guys have to get the trucks back? Oh,forget about that.
It's against regulations,but it doesn't matter.
I don't care if needles or anybody else finds out about this.
Get in.
We'll pretend like we're going to a fire.
All right.
Well,we'll pretend.
That'll be cool,fun--cool.
No,pretend!Dominic! Dominic,stop the truck!Dominic! Jesus christ! Oh!Jeez.
Ok.
Thank you.
Thank you for waiting.
I always forget the goddamn camera.
You know,the other day,after damian's graduation,we get home.
He goes to bed,and then all of a sudden I realize,I didn't take one picture of him.
- Right.
- Poor kid.
I made him get up and put back on his class a'S.
All right,come on,they're all in there.
I need you to tell me that he's going to be ok.
Listen,did I not get him into this firehouse,ok?You don't trust me? Look,this is the same firehouse that was on the cover of "the post" last week.
Let's see,what was it? - "Cancer boy smokes bravest.
" - Ok.
It's "the new york post," all right? Second of all,he couldn't be in a safer firehouse,ok? It's like getting hit by lightning,or,you know,eaten by a shark.
The chances of it happening again here--it's like a million to one.
It's like 10 million to one,ok? Listen, him being here-- It's not what I want,ok? But it's what he wants.
And so I am busting butt trying to be all supportive and happy and shit,but you--I need you to tell me that everything's going to be ok so that I don't go out of my goddamn mind with worry.
I need you to tell me that he's not going to get hurt.
Sheila,he's a goddamn fireman now,ok? I mean,he's going to get hurt.
He's--ow! He's going to get,you know,banged up,but-- Hey! - Don't--don't you hit me again.
- Then don't say that again.
He won't get burnt.
That's the best I can do.
Jesus christ.
Look,it's not just me saying it.
You know that if jimmy were here, he would be saying the same thing to you.
He would say, "just watch after my kid.
" Stay close to him.
I'm--I'm doing that.
Don't you think he'd be really proud today? Oh,boy.
Yes,he would be really proud.
Now, you got to get in that kitchen.
Because lou's been in there in that cave for about 10 minutes, and believe me,that is 10 minutes too long.
Ok,all right,squeeze in,mikey.
- A little more.
- Come on.
- A little more.
- A little more.
Ok,get ready to smile.
- Everyone say "V.
D.
- " V.
D.
! Oh--wait,wait,i didn't-- - just another one! - No,no,no.
I've been in this room with the cake for,like,10 minutes and I haven't eaten it yet.
It's completely unnatural.
All right? - Blow them out,big guy.
- Let her take another.
- All right,yay! - Yay! Congratulations,probie.
You're now officially a member of the brotherhood of dysfunctional action junkies.
It is going to be an honor and a privilege to make your life a living hell every day-- - Yes.
- For the next year.
John,I hope that you're not talking about hazing.
Because in this day and age,I think it's something that the department would frown upon.
Mom,stop.
Hazing is a rite of passage.
I wouldn't be a real firefighter without it.
You know,damian,that is a very mature attitude you're displaying.
I'm happy to hear you say that.
You just keep that in mind when we treat you to a walk with fido.
What's that one again,frank? That's when you go out on the sidewalk and you find a nice steaming lump of dog shit and you put it in the guy's boots and then hope for a really long call so you can watch him walk around in shit the whole time.
- Or of course,the san diego charger.
- oh.
When they replace the bath mat with the electrical blanket and when the guy gets out of the shower and steps on and gets shocked? - No,that's the san quentin.
- Are you sure? Isn't the san quentin when you attach a car battery to a metal chair, and make it the only place where a guy can sit for lunch? No,no,that's the jumper seat.
Oh,jumper seat--yeah,yeah.
You guys,there's too many of these.
You're making me sweat.
No,there's not really that many.
There's the shits and giggles,there's the toledo wake up call.
Oh,that's a classic.
Of course,the spic 'n span.
What's the spic 'n span? - Oh,the bald and the beautiful.
- Oh,yes! Why,what's that? Why,what is that? What is it? The bald and beautiful is, you take a guy's shampoo and empty it out and refill it with nair.
So when he's-- we don't really do that one anymore.
- We kind of cast that one out.
- Yeah,right,right.
It's not cool.
And my pubes didn't grow back for,like,two months.
Like a 10-year-old boy.
That was the only time your looks actually matched your intellect.
Ok!I think that this has been super fun, but I'm going to go to church now and start praying.
Oh,mama,don't leave yet.
Don't me here with the baby boy.
I thought you were going to come out on a couple of runs with us,hang out for a couple days.
You're so funny--no!I'm fine.
Because I know that damian is in good hands.
And he's being watched over by a great bunch of guys.
- And tommy.
- And tommy.
So funny.
Hey,look,he is now officially part of the family, and you are in capable hands.
And I think we got tommy a little something.
Yes,we do.
We have your dad's spare bunker jacket which he wore several times as his backup.
But now,it is officially yours.
He would have been proud.
Yeah.
Jimmy would be real proud.
- Jimmy is proud.
- We all are.
Oh,his mother's crying.
- That's not why we did it.
- I'm ok.
He can take another picture now.
No,no,no,sheila,I'll take the picture.
You get in,come on.
Ok.
I got it,I got it.
- I don't know if I wound it.
- No,I got it,I got it,i got it.
- You ok? - Ah,there it is.
Franco,move your big head.
Let mikey get in,come on.
Ok.
Ok,tommy,look up.
Look up.
And one,two-- yeah! It's going to go really well on your living room wall,sheila.
- Thank you,honey.
- Yeah,no problem.
Ok,you guys.
Now,damian,you be safe.
And I will see you tonight,ok? No,none of that stuff.
- Come on.
- Oh,no,no,you guys.
It's ok.
It's totally ok.
Ok.
All right,guys,bye.
- See you,sheil.
- Bye.
So nice of your mother to stop by.
All right,kids,the party's over,I'm afraid.
It's time to suit up.
And let's get some work done around here.
Yeah.
But first,here is to damian! - Oh! - Yes! - To damian! - To damian! - Yeah! - Yeah! - To damian! - Yes! - To damo! - Damo! I got a el duble.
- Oh! - Yeah! - Yeah,nice and pretty.
- Nice.
Wait,wait,wait.
Oh.
Oh,no.
Oh! To damian! Yes,yes! Let's get at.
There you go.
To damian! Come on,damian.
- Have some fun.
- There you go.
Have some fun.
Oh! Pistachios,peanuts,yeah? Come on.
Come on.
Cake,cake,cake,cake! Yeah! Nice! That was a good one,probie.
- Very nice.
- Yeah,probie! I knew it.
Making dad proud.
- Thank you.
- The good stuff.
All right.
Now--uh¡ª - Clean up all this shit.
- Yep.
What? No,it's--no questions,probie.
Clean it up.
Now,punk.
Bee-atch.
Hey,welcome to the 62 truck,kid.
Um--this is called the spic 'n span,by the way.
Minus the spic.
I really got to clean this all up? Yep.
Don't worry,it could be worse.
How? Proudly Presents Season 05 Episode 15 Jesus christ.
It's a brass ring about 7 inches in diameter with an adjustable clasp on one side.
Are you actually telling me you made it all the way through probie school without seeing a universal hose coupler? Lou,I searched through the entire basement.
I didn't see anything matching that description.
Well,then you know what,damian?Search again.
And don't come back to me until you find one,ok? All right.
Is this one of those wild goose chase things where it doesn't really exist and you're just busting my balls? Well,well,well,you know what,damian? You caught me.
So,what do we do now?I know.
Why don't you leave me your boots and then go out onto the street and find me a big pile of dog shit? I'll keep looking for the coupler.
That's a good choice.
- See ya.
- Bye-bye.
- Universal hose coupler? - Always a favorite.
I love it.
Hey,lou,did you get a call about this johnny bones thing tomorrow night? Oh,yeah,7:00 way out in brooklyn someplace? What,are they dedicating something to him? Yeah,like a banquet hall or something like that,you know.
Yeah,that's great.
A guy dies 9/11,it takes them like 8 years to get a memorial together.
Yeah,probably being organized by the same bunch of dipshits who are putting up the freedom tower.
You know,at the rate that thing's going, they're going to have to dig us out of our graves to go to the unveiling.
I guess we should make an appearance,though,to show our respect.
Yeah.
You know,those things are always just swelling with assholes,though.
Yeah.
But you remember his--his widow,kim--kimmy? Oh,yeah,yeah.
Well,you know she's going to be there.
And the word is, she took a big chunk of that widow money and bought herself some tits to match that ass.
We should probably go,yeah.
Just--just,you know,just for the-- hey,chief.
Half a day today,chief? What's that supposed to mean,asshole? Um--nothing,just being not funny,I guess.
Yeah.
Well,I'm a little late getting to the house, but I was right on time for my 7:30 reaming down at headquarters.
It's funny,they're still a little miffed about the whole cancer kid stealing one of our vehicles things.
They're looking for someone's head to be served up.
I'm just trying to figure out who that's going to be.
Keep writing,lou.
I'm thinking gavin.
Hey.
Oh,hey.
I just heard damian swearing a blue streak down in the basement.
The old universal hose coupling? - Correct.
- I remember that one.
Yeah.
We just pulled it on you last week.
What's this? Oh,it's a benefit for gary to help him out with his medical expenses.
At the bar this saturday night, my band's playing.
We're totally going to rock.
You're not putting these up outside the house,are you? Yeah,jesus christ.
Exactly what we need.
Like,advertising for our totally illegal under the table joint.
No,no,they're just for us guys,and a few guys at other houses who know sean,you know? Check it out,dude.
Apache stone? Yep.
That's my band.
It sounds like a native american gift shop in tucson.
Yeah,or maybe a casino in connecticut.
Guys,we're actually called apache stone because I have native american blood running through my veins.
Yeah,and retard blood running through your brain.
All through the brain.
No,no,I'm serious,guys.
I'm like 2% northeast apache.
Like,my mom traced her bloodline on the internet.
You're native american? Yeah,but only like 2%,so what does that come out to?What part of you? Well,maybe one ball.
You should rename the band and call it "cherokee testicle.
" "Pawnee nut boys.
" Yeah,yeah,you guys can laugh all you want,but wait till you hear us play.
Yeah,you know,he's right.
We should probably save this laughter till we hear him play.
I suggest we pack the place full of totally hot chicks,though.
It's the only thing that's going to keep it from completely clearing out as soon as comanche ball sack starts playing.
You know what,frank? That's not a bad idea,actually.
Maybe you could have your girlfriend invite some of her friends.
You know,I'm sure she's got some hot fillies in her stable,right? Yeah,a couple of bulls,too,I think.
Carla's not a dyke,lou.
No,frank,of course she's not.
But you know,if she is-- i mean,frank says he's getting the best sex of his life with this chick,right? And if she's straight,then cool.
- She invites some straight friends.
- Carla's not gay.
You guys got any doubts,you can ask my cock,ok? No,no,frank,of course she isn't,dude.
But you know,if she is,then what,she invites a bunch of hot lesbos, and we all get a shot at getting some of that hot sex frankie's getting,right? It's a win-win,man.
Some nasty lesbo ass.
You know,I'd appreciate it if you guys cut the crap.
I finally find a woman I'm happy about and, you know,I'd like a little support from my brothers,if you don't mind.
Franco,we're all excited about you and carla,but come on,man.
You got to admit,your boo is a little butch.
A little?Christ,if her testosterone ever blows, we're going to have to get red adair in here to cap it.
Red adair? You know,john wayne played him in a movie.
- John wayne? - Yo! Hey,hey.
Hey.
They finally let you out,huh? Well,you know,I was going to stay a couple extra days in the hospital, but I figured i can't afford it,so,you know-- I got to sit down now.
Oh,yeah.
So what's up,man? When are you coming back to work? Soon,I think.
The doctors said I got to take two weeks' rest at home, and then another couple weeks to,you know, get my strength back at the gym and whatnot.
But soon.
Well,do you think maybe you should go home and rest up,dude? You know,you don't want to overdo it.
No,bro.
I mean,that's just it.
I mean,I--you know, this whole experience has made me realize, I'm going to totally overdo it from now on.
I'm just going to live my life bigger,you know? - Second chance,right? - Yeah,yeah.
I mean,as tired as I am,and as much as this whole thing has beat me up, i wish you guys could be me right now.
Because I'm telling you,when they rolled me out of the hospital in that wheelchair, and I looked up at that beautiful blue sky,I stared at it like it was a giant naked picture of jessica alba.
Well,I wish we were,dude.
And I took this breath in,right? And the air tasted so sweet and good and thick,and i just-- I started crying,you know? Weird.
And I thought to myself,"oh,great,I'm going to be that guy that cries now, like when the wind blows.
" But that's not why I'm crying.
I'm crying because I've been living my life so small.
You know?And I'm tired of that.
I'm going to live it to the fullest,you know what I mean? And I'm not talking about being something other than a firefighter.
I love what we do.
I'm just saying,you know,I want to do more and--and live better, and be that firefighter,that guy,that friend,that everything,you know? I mean,god forbid the cancer comes back,or we all burn up in a fire, I want to be able to say to myself as the lights go out, "you know what?I didn't live a perfect life.
But hey, I lived that bitch to the fullest.
" - Wow.
- Wow.
You ok? Yeah,I just talked a lot.
I was really--I'm tired.
Oh,here,man,have a smoke.
It'll make you feel better.
Oh,that'll be great.
- Yeah.
- Thanks,pal.
Oh,yeah,baby.
Bam.
It's good to be alive.
- Yeah.
- Yeah,yeah! Well,this is it.
We're taking off.
You going to be ok? Yeah,yeah,I think so.
As long as I don't get cancer again.
Yeah,well,you know,not to bring you down or anything, but you know,considering the type of cancer you had, and the Of ground zero,the chances of you having a reoccurrence are pretty strong.
Yeah--anyway,listen,I broke the dot selector on the toaster.
You know,I know money's been a little tight, so I left you 5 bucks on the counter to cover it.
You know,between you and I,I think it was going to break,anyway.
I figure it's the least I can do for my kid brother.
So--hey,it's good to see you.
Ok,bro.
What's he doing,ma? It's like a trap or something? Calm down.
He just wants a hug.
- From me? - Yeah.
Yeah,from you.
Come on,man.
Jesus.
Go ahead.
Jesus--I think we're getting out just in time,ma.
- Come on.
- Yeah,whatever.
Fine.
Thanks for coming.
- Hey! - Whoa,what's the matter? What the hell are you doing? That was lovely.
What are you talking about? You bumped me with your package.
You don't package bump when you hug.
I didn't package bump you.
What the hell are you talking about? You're supposed to pull your package back when you hug a man.
My package was pulled back,ok? Yeah,why don't you try reading the manual once in a while? The manual?I was--my hips were all out,man.
- I didn't touch you-- - You didn't pull your pelvis back! That's what you're supposed to do,you dick weed.
You know what? Just take your shit and go.
You're unbelievable.
You know what? You're just a dick.
Get out.
Don't let the door hit you on the way out,jerk off.
See you,squirt.
Ok,yeah,with your fruity shopping bags.
"Oh,look at me,I got cancer.
Help.
" I don't care what he says.
It did my heart good seeing you boys be sweet like that.
Oh,yeah? Do I need to pee one more time? Nah,I'm good.
- Take care,kid.
- All right,ma.
Hey,ma,there's something I want to say to you.
I just-- I--I--now that I'm feeling clearheaded,i think I'm just going to come right out and say it.
I know that you love terrence more than you love me,ok? And you don't have to say anything,because it's clear,ok? And i don't know why that is.
Maybe it's because,you know,he's a big baby, even though he's smart and all that stuff.
Or maybe it's because he stayed and I didn't, or he needs you more than I do.
I don't know what it is.
Or maybe it's because you're getting older and you realize that as you get older, you're going to need him as much as he needs you.
I--it doesn't matter.
I just want you to know that I'm aware of it, and I'm ok with it.
- Sean-- - Yeah.
- You're right.
- Good,good.
Really? I'm sorry.
I love terrence much more than I love you.
Yeah.
Well,much more? I mean,I was thinking it would be like a little bit more.
Jesus,it feels good to have it out in the open! - Now it's my turn! - Great,ok.
- Oy! - Yeah.
Hey,don't listen to your brother.
You know how to hug just fine.
- Thanks.
- And don't look for that $5.
I took it for cigarettes for the drive.
- Ok.
- Later,sweetheart.
All right,ma.
Thanks for coming.
I'll call you.
I'm going to try this one on.
- Cool.
- Oh,yeah.
Can I try the blue one,too,mom? Yeah,honey.
Honey,try them both.
Ok.
Ok,we'll be waiting right here.
- Did you hear that? - Yeah.
- Yes,she just called me mom.
- I know.
Not mommy.
I am mom again.
She's coming back to us.
Yep.
Congratulations,mom.
Uh--not now,big boy.
We don't have time.
Oh,you know what? Unless we were to sneak into one of the changing rooms and I was to give her a bunch of dresses.
We could have a quickie.
But,like,a real "quickie" quickie.
I'm--I'm fine with that.
I just was actually just giving you a hug.
- Really? - Yeah.
Oh,oh.
Because,you know,I just-- I thought that it was like a sexy hug.
No,it was just a hug.
You know,like a "hug" hug.
Yeah--I don't--we don't-- you know what?Let's just forget the "hug" hugs,ok? - Ok.
- Ok.
I just thought,you know,since we're kind of doing it again,it might be nice to throw in a hug or a "hug" hug,you know,every once in a while,and-- Hey,tommy,forget the goddamn hugs,ok? We are being nice to each other to gain back our daughter's love and affection.
This--we're having sex because it is mutually pleasurable,right? - Yeah.
- Great.
I just,you know--i mean, if we're having sex,we could also be affectionate to each other.
Oh,god,no,tommy.
No,if you were affectionate with me,I might actually start liking you.
And then we're going to go down that same old trap again.
All right,wait--you want to explain that? We're having sex,but you--you don't like me? Well,after everything we've been through,do you even have to ask? Yeah,I do.
I mean-- you haven't--we're having sex.
But you don't like me? - That's what you-- - Which makes it better.
All right.
That's bullshit.
You have to like me.
Oh,ok,well,tommy,of course,ok? Of course I like you.
I do.
You know,I just--i don't "like you" like you.
You know what it is? I love you,I love you.
In a deep and cavernous way.
You know,that is streamlined with ribbons of hate-- and disdain.
Yeah? And you know,resentment.
Ok?But I am focusing right now on the sex.
- Because the sex is great.
- Yeah.
Ok?So let's just forget all about the,like, the love and the hugs and the ribbons and the hate, and let's focus on the hot,steamy,sneaky sex.
Ok? - Yeah.
- Ok.
So do you want to go in there and scope out the changing rooms while I get about 15 dresses for her to try on,or not? Well,of course.
- Ok,ok.
- Ok.
Hey.
This is the one,mom.
This is the one I want.
This is it.
That's--that's great.
- Yeah.
- Yeah.
Ok.
Come on,let's go pay for it.
- All right.
- Ok.
Holy shit.
Hey,hello,tommy! - Tommy! - Hey.
- How you guys doing? - Yeah! - What's going on? - Hey,nothing.
Last time i checked,this was a party,right? That's right,yeah.
Why don't you guys just slow it down a little bit,huh? - Oh,ain't no slowing down.
- Nah,none of that.
We're living life the sean garrity way.
You don't do it small,you do that shit b-I-g--big sign.
No regrets,man.
A sky full of jessica alba.
Yeah.
A sky full of jessica alba's ass.
- Skate,skate,bang,bang-- - bitches! Yeah,well,she does have a nice,little-- Yeah.
Good luck with that,boys.
It's round.
- Did you work with bonesy? - No.
Friend of the family? You could say.
I say forget the family.
I wouldn't mind being a friend of kim'S.
I mean,I know she's remarried.
But I mean,who wouldn't mind having that ass? And those new boobs? I mean,talking about widow money being well spent,jesus christ.
You know, instead of hanging that stupid plaque on the wall in some shitty banquet hall, i think that they should hang it right underneath that rack of hers, so whoever the lucky bastard is who's drilling her knows whose blood,sweat,and tears,and life he owes for that magnificent new set of tetons.
You're the new husband,aren't you? Nice talking to you.
Hey.
Hey.
Hey,can I get a bushmills? Two fingers,please.
How are you doing? Great,I'm making a complete dick hole of myself.
Good.
Bonesy's wife is really showing off the new tits,huh? Yeah,well,you know,don't let her new husband hear you say that.
You said something about the new tits to-- I didn't,not really.
Well,I didn't mention the word "tits" or "titties.
" You said "tetons," didn't you? How do you know these things? - Yeah,I just--where's the plaque at? - It's over here.
They did a pretty good job on--nice picture.
Oh,that's nice.
Wow.
Yeah.
This is awesome.
The flowers are fake,though.
- You're kidding me.
- No.
What,she has no money left after she got the new nipples? Who could blame her? Hey,guys--guys,can we ask you to step away from this area? We're shooting some footage and we want to see that sign in the background.
- Oh,sure.
Yeah,yeah,yeah.
Sorry.
- Thanks.
Are you--what,are you shooting something for the-- shooting something for the family? Sort of.
It's a news thing.
Oh,what are you,a reporter? No.
Hi,I'm dick gerard,state representative for this district.
- Hey.
- Nice to meet to you.
Nice to meet you.
How are you? - Oh,he's a politician.
- Yeah.
You know,what memorial service would be complete without one? Yeah.
You knew johnny bones? Uh--I don't know who you mean.
Johnny bohannan.
His name's on the plaque.
Well,sadly,I--I never met the man.
Well,you know what? Wherever he is,I'm sure he's real torn up about that.
Do you know what firehouse he served out of,or how many kids he had, or any personal or pertinent information about the guy?No? Maybe we should find another spot.
Yeah,maybe you should,because I'll tell you something.
We're firemen,ok? So,we've been through this drill before with politicians.
And we understand exactly what's going on.
You're firemen? - Yeah.
- Yes.
Oh,great.
Well,why don't we get the camera started here and we can get the 3 of us having a serious discussion about the issues that you guys are facing? Oh,good.
Yeah,well,I'm glad you turned the camera on,because you know what? In about a minute,I'm going to stick that camera right up your ass,ok? So you can kind of perform your own little colonoscopy,you know what I mean? Yeah,you know,guys like you--I love you.
What,are you running for office again? You got to get reelected or something? You need some votes? Is that what this whole camera-- 'cause you know,you guys are always doing this.
You know,9/11,after--they always came down and said hello to us and everything else.
We thought you were our best friends.
We thought we--maybe we'd get a pay raise.
Maybe,you know,whatever,but we got nothing,ok? You guys are all the same.
Why don't you turn the goddamn camera off,ok? Wait,no,no,no,no.
Keep it rolling.
No,seriously,turn the camera off.
- No,no,no,keep it-- - What,what? - Look,you're a fireman,right? - Yeah.
And--what was your name again? Tommy gavin,62 truck.
No,it's ok,lou.
It's fine.
Don't worry about it.
Tommy--tommy--look,fellas,I know you're angry.
Yeah? I know you're not angry at me,you're angry at the system,and how it's-- Yeah,you know what?You're right.
You're absolutely right.
I am angry at the system,but unfortunately for you, the system doesn't happen to be here.
Would you hold my drink,please? - And-- - What did I do? What are you doing? Get off of me! Hey,hey,hey! Wait a minute,tommy! Stop this guy or I'll-- do it! Son of a bitch! I can tell.
Baby,do you think you're going to be able to get some of your girlfriends to come to this thing? Because you know,as it stands,all we have to offer is,like, no food,cheap booze,and possibly some really shitty music.
- But it's for a good cause,right? - Yeah,yeah.
Yeah,we're just trying to help a brother out with some hospital bills.
Ooh--which I'm going to need some help with if you don't stop twisting those bad boys! Ah,come on! You better be nice to me,or my girlfriends won't come to your party.
No,seriously,baby,invite anybody you can.
You know,especially if they're good-looking.
Super hot will be preferable,but you know,hey,straight,gay-- it doesn't matter as long as they're hot.
What did you say? Nothing.
You said "straight or gay.
" Why did you say that? - No reason.
- Why did you say that? Oh,not the boys again.
Ah.
Ok,baby.
It was the guys,all right? You know,they met you,and you know,they said they were picking up a slight vibe--oh.
What vibe? Oh,god,i can't tell if that hurts or if it feels really good.
Oh!It hurts,it hurts,it hurts.
Ok,it was just a very slight,very subtle, you know,barely recognizable lesbian thing.
- Uh--from me? - Yeah.
Oh,well,that's not a big deal.
It's not the first time I've been called butch.
Yeah.
You know,plus,these guys--they've never been between the sheets with you,so-- - Get down! - They don't even understand it.
You being lesbian--that's like not even remotely possible.
It's not possible,is it? You know,if you want to be worried about someone's sexual identity,I'd worry about yourself.
Uh--excuse me? What? Well,you know, a big,strong man who likes to get manhandled in bed by a woman? Ok,first of all,you're not manhandling me.
- What? - No,not at all.
No,no! No,no,no.
No,no,no,no.
No! Ya-ha! It's ok,calm down.
Get yourself unhooked.
There you go.
Helmet.
Ok.
Gloves.
Ok.
Door.
Get a load of crispy clean over here,huh? You look very handsome today,damian.
You had to say "crispy clean," didn't you? Now I'm going to be thinking about doughnuts all day.
Thank you.
Gentlemen,second truck is going to be late,so let's stay alert.
We got fires on 5 and 6 going up to the roof.
Sean,mike,you guys take the top floor.
Tommy,franco,give me a search on 5.
Kid,you stay with lou on 4.
Be advised,99's got a dead hydrant.
It's time to make the doughnuts,boys.
Yeah,there we go again.
It's got to be doughnuts,doesn't it? Like that's what's making you think it.
Come on.
Hey,lou,I'm going to take damian up to the third floor with me,all right? Yeah.
I'll take frankie.
Hey,the chief just told us-- I know what the chief said.
Move your ass,let's go.
Come on,hurry up.
Damian,stay close.
Yeah,stand by,chief.
What do we got,boys? Negative.
Fire on 5,lou's search was negative.
It smells like a gas leak.
Cock loft is fully involved.
We're losing that top floor,man.
All right,we'd better dump in a second alarm,chief.
Game over,lou.
Let's back it out.
And we got shit pressure in these lines.
You and those nukes,get out of there! Copy that.
All right,boys,let's go.
Yeah.
Hey,wait,guys.
I think i heard something down the hall.
We checked it.
It's all clear.
No,I heard it,too.
- Somebody might be down there.
- You swept it,right? Yeah,it's all clear.
We checked it.
Christ! God damn it! What do you think,tom? Lou,get everybody out,now! The chief says pull out.
We got to pull out.
Let's go.
All right,boys,let's pull out.
- Let's go.
- Oh,yeah.
Come on,damian,speed it up.
Hey,what--hey,hey! God damn it! Shit.
All right,listen--listen.
You take him out.
I'll go get dami.
- All right,go.
- And hurry up,will you? I got a meatloaf in the oven.
Yeah,god damn it! It would be a meatloaf,right? Hey,assholes! Hey! Where the hell is everyone? We had another hallway to check.
You told me we were all clear.
I thought that we were.
I had to call an audible.
Who are you,tom brady? This thing's about to go,lou.
I'm pulling the lines out.
Tommy,copy! Tommy? I got nothing.
Gavin! Gavin,do you hear me? God damn it,tommy,answer me! Get him down! Way to keep the team together,brady.
You tell the boys the coach wants everyone in the kitchen as soon as we land for a good,old-fashioned ass reaming.
Go! I'm at a loss here,fellas.
I have tried every method I can think of to get the message across.
I've tried to be a pal,play nice,and you take advantage of me.
It was a miscommunication,chief.
Yeah,you know,we thought we left a straggler or two behind.
We got lost on the way back,that's it.
I happened to remember the floor plan because I was at a fire there 15-- - Shut up.
- You-- Shut up! When I give the order to pull out,that is what I expect you to do.
Otherwise,I'm out there in the middle of the street with my thumb up my ass and I don't know where anybody is.
- I-- - What--shut your mouth,gavin! Do you have any idea of the message you are sending to this new probie? What the hell kind of example are you setting out there? You don't get it.
You goddamn morons,do you know what chemistry is,huh? Chemistry is what makes this crew the best goddamn crew I've ever worked with.
Now,you mess with that the way you did today, and I guarantee you--mark my words,people are going to die.
I'm not blaming you.
I'm blaming you.
You stopped being tommy gavin today and you started playing mother hen to that kid.
I promised his mother that i would keep an eye on him.
That's what I was doing.
You were keeping an eye on him the same way you keep an eye on every other goddamn member of this crew.
No different! You got any special responsibility to that kid, it's to turn him into every inch the firefighter his old man was.
'Cause I'll tell all of youse,we get another jimmy keefe on this crew, and nothing's ever going to touch it.
And I'm not going to let you assholes screw that up.
All right.
From now on,damian is with lou.
And that solves your problem.
- Now,you hear me? - Yeah.
Do you hear me? - Yes,chief.
- Yes,yes.
Let's hope so,assholes.
Wash up.
Wow.
- That shit was brutal.
- Yeah,no shit.
And probie's probably still in the kitchen trying to wash the blood off the walls.
Yeah,well,tell me this.
What were we doing listening to garrity in the first place,you know? He's the biggest retard on the crew.
You know what? Strike that--second biggest.
Hey,you know what? I think the chief is right on this one.
I mean,on this job and this crew,there's only one tommy gavin.
And I doubt that any of us would want to be him right now.
Sorry? I said I doubt any of us would want to be him right now.
And by him,I mean you.
- You're not even going to try to-- - Nope.
Yep.
- Yeah? - Hi.
Damian told me what happened today,and I need you to come over right now.
- Why? - Come over now.
- I'll be waiting for you.
- Ok.
"Damian is out with his friends--drink this-- come into the kitchen.
" Who? "Drink this.
Look towards the living room.
Tommy is his name,firefighting is his game.
And he's got sheila on his mind.
And wow! He's feelin' fine! - Go,tommy! - Jesus.
You scared the shit out of me.
Well,you know,i wanted to thank you, for sticking by your word.
You didn't have to thank me,I was just doing my job.
Oh,no.
I'm going to thank you.
I'm going to thank the shit out of you.
All right.
Jesus christ.
Oh.
There you go.
Oh,boy.
You know,this being his first day-- I tell you,it's kind of weird.
It's like for the first time - in months-- - Yeah? I can actually breathe,you know? And it's all because of you.
Yeah? - I'm the greatest.
- Yes,you are.
Hmm,it's like knowing that whenever he goes into a fire, you're going to be right by his side.
It just makes everything better.
That's how it's going to be,right? Good.
- Now-- - Yeah? - Get out of here.
- Ok.
I can--I'm going to just--whew--how about if I make a sandwich and-- Yes,make a sandwich and have a drink,and just make sure that you lock up before you go.
Ok.
- Good night.
- Bye.
You really like bunnies.
Oh,boy.
- Nice going,lover boy.
- Hey.
So you enjoy yourself? What do--what do you mean? Well,did christmas come a little early this year,tom? I mean,what-- You got-- you got a little something in your hair there.
Oh.
Yeah.
Relax.
It's all good.
I mean,I got no choice,right? That's the way it's gonna be.
I've got to face the facts.
I'm dead.
I ain't never coming back.
But she looks good,though.
No,she-- The first time in forever she's happy.
- Yeah.
- Satisfied.
Sleeping through the night.
Damian's as safe as any guy could be on the job,right? And by the way,the chief is right.
Damian should definitely be paired up with lou.
Yeah.
Because you can't focus on him all the time.
You got enough asses to cover at that house.
Yeah.
Any firefighter with a brain under his helmet should know that.
I'm glad you said that.
That's pretty close to what-- what I--you know,i was--I would have said.
So you're cool? - It's all good.
- All-- - It's all good.
- Good.
Well,see you later.
Where are you going? Probably down--down the bar.
Have a,you know-- No,you--you got to go down there and tell her,right? No--no,no,she's asleep.
Yeah,but you got to--you got to go down and tell her.
Yeah,but I,you know,i told her I was going to make a sandwich and then,you know,i was-- and then lock up.
That's what,you know--we have a deal.
I don't stay over.
She's a woman.
What she says and what she really wants never really matches up,right? Yeah.
So what you got to do is,you got to go down there, tell her about damian being with lou now.
Yeah.
I'm not going to do that,bro.
See you later.
You're not leaving,tom.
You're not leaving till you go down there, lay down next to her,spoon with her, and tell her the truth.
Wait,wait--whoa,whoa,whoa.
Did you say spoon? - I said spoon.
- I don't spoon.
I know.
- I said spoon,you're going to spoon.
- I do not spoon.
You will spoon--you're going to spoon with her like you work at a baskin robbins.
- Do you understand me? - I'm not doing it.
Get out there.
Get down there! - Get your ass in there,lover boy.
- I'm going.
- Go.
- Ok.
I'll be right out here if you need me.
Great.
I'm not spooning.