The Wonder Years s05e15 Episode Script

Primitive man.
Hunter.
Tool-maker.
Slayer of mastodons.
Armed with only his instincts and a spear He roamed the earth, in tribes.
In a lot of ways, high school boys are a lot like primitive man.
They forage for their food.
They fashion crude tools.
And of coursethey hang out in groups.
In fact, about the only difference between my friendsand Neanderthal man was Any questions? Neanderthals had bigger brains.
Listen you guys want to, uhshoot some hoops after school? - Oh, yeah - count me in! - Got it! -Hey, Kev? You playin'? -Sure! Course! The tribe.
That year we were inseparable.
We'd faced all the challenges.
Kev-in! All but one, anyway.
Women.
Uh, look - guys? I gotta take a rain-check, OK? Kev-in Julie Aidem.
We'd been goin' out for two weeks.
And to put it mildly -Carry my books? -Sure -You don't mind? -You kidding? She appreciated the little things about me.
You know you have a really cute laugh.
Really? She liked my laugh.
I thought about you today.
Yeah.
I was thinking about you, too.
She thought about me.
Lots.
I thoughtThat you look really good in stripes.
No kidding? Yeah.
With the collar up.
You know - it'd really suit you.
That was Julie.
She watched over me.
Took care of me.
Civilized me.
-How's that? -So much better! Let's face it.
She was good for me.
And if that wasn't enough Hey, JulieHey, Kevin! She had a great dad, too.
How's the car comin', Mr.
Aidem? How many times do I have to tell you to call me Ben? Ben! Well, I finally got that carburetor problem solved Now she's ready for a little spin.
I admired the guy.
He had hobbiesHe was funny - a real man's man.
Honey? Did I hear you sayYou were going to take the sports-car out for a drive? Thought so, yeah.
You remember our agreement - you only drive the sports-car on the weekends? Well, I don't know what got into me.
A man's man who was surrounded by women.
He'd be off driving it day and night if I let himWouldn't you, Ben? Not that Julie's mom wasn't every bit as fun-loving as her dad.
Hey, Kevin? Why don't you stay for dinner? I'd love to, June.
She was just morecivilized.
I meanMrs.
Aidem.
After all, like mother Like daughter.
Come, Kevin! Down, Pooh-Pooh All-in-allIt was quite a household.
Filled with doilies, and lace curtains And of coursePooh-Pooh.
Quiet, Pooh-Pooh, quiet! I don't get it Daddy - you're the only one that Pooh-Pooh barks at.
That's because Pooh-Pooh loves him.
Yeah, Daddy.
Pooh-Pooh loves you.
The Aidem family was a model of decorum.
There may have been a reason for that.
Oh, Ben?The salad-fork.
The girls out-numbered the boys by a ratio of four-to-one.
Five-to-one if you counted the pooch.
So, Kev? Who do you like for the World Series? Uh, I don't know! I think I like the Tigers - or maybe the Cubs.
Oakland's gonna knock everyone else on their butts.
-Daddy! -Ben! Ohsorry.
.
Not at the dinner table.
Still, I had to admit - I liked it there.
It was nice being in a civilized home.
Oh.
Ben?Fix your collar.
A home where people actually said "please"and used butter-knives.
As opposed to, say Thank you The Arnold house.
WeWere a house of men.
A house of slobs.
Fortunately, as it happened There had wandered into our camp one person who did her best to look out for our best interests.
Kevin, I thought you hated that striped shirt.
Me? No -I saw it in my closet, and I think it suits me.
Well, why is the collar up? It just so happens that some people like the way this looks, butt-brain.
Oh-oh.
What people? None of your business! Ju-lieHeh-heh.
-Who's Julie? -No one.
She's got you on apretty short leash there, hah, Kev? This from a guy who's last successful relationship was with a nose-hair clipper.
At least I got a girlfriend.
Milk and cookies.
Terrific.
Thanks! Yeah, this was the life.
Catered tocoddled.
taking care of Sodid you miss me? You just went upstairs to get some cookies.
I missed you.
Wellyeah! Yeah, of course I missed you! Still, at two-and-a-half weeks into the relationship, it was beginning to occur to me that civilization was not without its discontents.
What are you thinking? She asked me that a lot.
I'm thinking These are great cookies.
Well, tomorrow, I'll make brownies.
Tomorrow? Hello? Oh - Daddy must be home.
Anybody down here? Daddy Hey, Ben! Kev, how you doin'? New muffler - check it out! Well, it's great, Daddy.
Ohyeah.
.
Let me get something out of my toolbox, and I'll get out of your way.
Daddy! Look what you're doing to Pooh-Pooh! You're hurting her feelings! OhI don't know what got into me! WellI'll go get her a biscuit.
And suddenly, the thought struck me this guy might appreciate a little male-bonding.
So, Ben, this is agreat cellar you got, here.
Yeah, a few too many nylons for my taste.
Oh.
Yeah.
Me, too.
Some dog.
She's no Duke.
Duke? Got the biscuit Pooh-Pooh, I love you so much! I'll tell you about Duke some other time.
Sorry, honey.
And there you had it.
Did you miss me? So much for guy-talk.
Yeah.
Of course I missed you.
I thought you were gonna be playing ball with us this afternoon! I just made these kindaplans.
What plans? Nothing.
I wasjust gonna go over Ju-lie's house Well, we were gonna play three-on-three! OK! No problem.
I'll be there.
Yeah - right! And that's when I felt a cold chill.
What?! She's really smothering you.
What are you talking about? But I guess I knew.
It was written all over their faces.
Look.
Guys! I can do what ever I want to do! I'm playin' ball! I don't have to ask anyone! No one's gonna stop me! There! I'd faced the tribe.
I'd made my stand.
Hi, Kevin! Just one little problem.
I missed you.
And maybe that's when I began to realize The undeniable truth.
Julie Aidem had meon a very short leash.
Primitive man derived his power from the tribe.
But occasionally, one of its members betrayed the rest.
Soon, this lone hunter was set adrift from the pack.
Cast asunder.
Shunned, and ostracized.
So! We gonna play some football this afternoon? Yeah, I'll be there.
Yeah - me too.
By the next dayOne thing was clear.
Hey, guys - what time are you playing? Did you guys hear something? Not me! In my tribeMy name was mud.
Still, I had one skillPrimitive man did not.
Come on, guys! -I could whine.
-What?! I wanna play! -Kev? You bailed on us yesterday.
-And you didn't even tell us.
Well, I got tied up.
It was an emergency.
It was Julie! Wasn't it? It was one time! I promise - it'll never happen again.
Please? And with thatI'd bared my soul.
Thrown myself on the mercy of the tribe.
They in turn, pronounced their verdict.
What the hell? And so, that afternoon, I wasReborn.
A few hours with the guys, and I remembered who I was.
Kevin Arnold.
Runner.
Passer.
Hunter.
Warrior.
-And it felt good.
-Alright Hey, way to go.
.
-Yep.
-Hey, Mom! By the time I got home I was a new man.
Kevin? You have a visitor.
Hi, Kevin! Hi.
I wasn't expecting you.
Julie and I were just.
.
getting to know one another.
I was just worried about you, Kevin.
Isn't that sweet? She was just worried about you So, Julie? Julie - what's goin' on? Oh, nothing.
I thought you were coming over today.
-Isn't that sweet? -Mom! I'll justleave you two together.
- Seeya later, Julie.
- Hope so, Mrs.
Arnold.
Isn't that sweet? OK.
it was clear we'd reached a critical juncture.
-Julie? -Yes, Kevin? It was time to set gound-rules.
Here and now.
Wellevery once-in-a-while, guys justyou know, gotta hang out with.
.
other guys.
And there it was.
Gentlebut somehow, firm.
I guess you forgot what today is Today? It's our three-week anniversary! It is? I got you a gift! Oh, jeez -You did? -Open it! Made you wonder if they knew how to gift-wrap crow.
Do you like it? Well, yeah! Y'I-I love it! It's great! It - it's -Striped.
-Striped! You know, Kevin If you want to be with the guys sometimesI understand! No, no - that's not it - it-it's just - I wouldn't want you to feel like I was smothering you.
No! Don't be ridiculous, you're not smothering me If you don't think we're right for each other No, Julie, Idefinitely think we're right for each other.
Oh, that's what I think, Kevin! And right about thenSomething went wrong.
So maybe it's time we made more of a commitment.
A commitment? Oh, Kevin!This is so exciting! I can't wait to tell everyone we're going steady First we have to tell Mommy and Daddy at dinner.
And suddenly, somehowI Was going steady.
Not that I'd actually agreed to anything, you understand not technically, anyway.
Still, that night outside Julie's house I knew I didn't have the courage to turn back.
Hey, Kev! I hear there's gonna be a little announcement tonight.
Great.
The whole family knew.
And not only that Now we were gonna have "the talk".
The father-of-the-bride speech, about the birdsAbout the bees Duke loved nights like this.
AboutDuke? Was Duke your dog? Duke was a hell of a dog.
Heh-heh.
Not like Pooh-Pooh back there.
Duke was a black Lab.
Eightypounds.
He was so full of funand so full of spirit.
He was a real man's-best-friend kind of dog, ya know? Duke wasn't afraid of anything.
I could tell Duke was more than just a dog to this guy.
What happened to him? Ran away the day I proposed to June.
Well, I still think about him, ya know? Every now and then At nightI swearI can still hear Duke's howl.
Ben! Dinner! Come on.
That night, I did my best to forestall the inevitable.
Kevin Uhterrific pot-roast, Mrs.
Aidem.
Thank you, Kevin.
But then, I guess they don't call itThe "inevitable" for nothing.
Kevin - don't you have an announcement to make? At least not around the Aidem household.
Yeah! Yeahyeah, I do.
Oh, KevinI think you should stand up.
And so, we'd arrived.
At the last exit.
The final whistle.
Well And that's when it happened.
honey? Fix your collar.
It wasWeird! Pooh-Pooh! Stop that! I thought Pooh-Pooh only barked at you, Daddy! -It was horrible.
-Down, Pooh-Pooh, down! It wasamazing.
Almost as if Pooh-Pooh knew I was about to join the ranks of Aidem men.
And then, from out of nowhere I swear I heard it.
It was a clear and clarion call.
And I knew what I had to do.
No! It was now or never.
Julie - I can't do this.
I justcan't! I like wearing mycollar down! And I hate wearing striped shirts! And I don't like cookies! I don't want to spend every minute with you.
I like hanging out with the guys.
I'm a hunter.
And a warrior.
And what about the mastodons?! OK - maybe I got little carried away about the mastodon thing.
But I wasn't just speaking for myself.
I was speaking for all man-kind For Ben.
And evenfor Duke.
Wherever he was.
I just - I can't do it, Julie.
We can't go steady.
And thenit was over.
Except for one thing.
I think you better go, Kev.
Good idea.
Man.
Fire-maker.
Tool-maker.
Thinker of complex thoughts.
Noble, curious, dignified.
Over the next few weeks, I rejoined my tribe.
And in a lot of waysI was back where I belonged.
I'll be right back.
Still, I guess I knew there was still some unfinished business.
Between Ben and me, at least.
Hey, Ben! Hey, Kevin! I thought that was you.
You looked pretty good out there.
Thanks! So! How's Julie? She found a new guyThey're goin' steady No kiddin' Yeah, he looks great in stripes.
I bet.
Hey! You got the car out on a Thursday, huh? Yeah, I thought I'd go a little crazy! And in a way, I couldn't help thinking I had something to do with it.
WellIt was nice seeing you again Hey, Kevin? One day you're gonna see.
What's that? It's not that bad! Having people who care for you, you know? I guess Ben understood something.
Something that I'd learn In time.
Come on, Kev - let's go! Thanks! I'll keep that in mind.
But me? I was just a sixteen-year-old guy.
And the way I saw it there were still a lot of mastodons yet to be slayed.
-Break! -Alright!