Young & Hungry (2014) s05e15 Episode Script

1 Isn't it crazy how great life is? (MUFFLED RESPONSE) I had the most amazing morning with Josh, an amazing afternoon, and then we watched the sun set over the bay.
Sofia, it was Amazing? Yeah.
But enough about me.
How was work? Didn't go.
- Are you sick? - Nope.
Uh, is it a holiday? It is for me.
Oh my god! Happy Cinco De Mayo! It's not Cinco De Mayo, it's not even Mayo! Oh.
Okay, then why are you sitting here all depressed? You seriously have no idea? Ahh! Sofia, come on, just tell me! I have to shower and change and pack, I'm spending the weekend It's my birthday.
Taking my best friend on a vacation! What? Where? Uh Italy? Uhh! - Mexico? - Sí! (LAUGHS) Look at your face! You totally thought I forgot! I was all, "Happy Cinco De Mayo!" And you were like, "It's not even Mayo!" Damn, I wish I was videoing you right now so you could see how tricked you look! Ooh! Where are we staying? - In Mexico! - Yay! (LAUGHS) (THEME MUSIC PLAYING) She in the spotlight And she turn my head She run a red light 'Cause she bad like that I like that ooh, baby, ooh, baby Baby, I like that ooh, baby, ooh, baby Thank god it's Friday! Only six more hours of pretendin' to work! (DOORBELL RINGING) I got it! (CHUCKLES EXCITEDLY) Oh, sweet, you got Yolanda a pizza.
It's a Brunell, it's a painting.
And it's the best three million dollars I've ever spent.
Sorry the tip does not reflect the value of the item.
Three million bucks on one painting? Oh, I got to see what you blew your money on.
Let's open that sucker up! No! No, no, no, no, Gabi and I have this whole thing planned.
After my Lasik eye surgery tomorrow, she's gonna nurse me back to health.
Then we're gonna open this together, so I can view the two most beautiful things in my life.
My Gabi and my Brunell.
Well, I'd like to view the two most beautiful things in my life, but your jeans aren't tight enough.
Ohh.
Hey, guess what I'm doing this weekend? I am spending the entire weekend At my bedside, taking care of me after my surgery.
Hell, yeah, I am, 'cause you're gonna need help 'cause of your operation, 'cause I am your girlfriend and that's You forgot about my laser eye surgery tomorrow.
Ha-ha! Look at your face! Damn, I wish I was videoing you right now, so you could see how tricked you look! Okay, yes, I forgot.
We had the entire weekend planned! I know, but if it makes you feel any better, I totally forgot Sofia's 25th birthday, and you should've seen her face, Josh, she looked so hurt.
Hmm.
Did it look anything like this? Well, hers is more hurt, yours is more mad.
Which is why I'm so, so sorry.
Look, I I really gotta spend this weekend in Mexico with Sofia.
Okay, now that's a hurt.
Ooh! Mexico? Then who's gonna take care of me all weekend? Um I'm really sorry, I'll just tell her we'll go next weekend.
BOTH: Yes! You don't have to change your plans.
BOTH: No! You are the sweetest boyfriend in the entire world.
Oh, can I ask you for, um, one more favor, it's kinda the reason I came in early? - You were an hour late.
- Early for me.
What? It's a super long drive to Mexico, so can I leave now? I was gonna ask for the jet, but I don't wanna take advantage.
Oh my god, is this gorgeous or what? When I called, three months ago, they said this was the best time to come to Mexico, so that's why I booked it when I called three months ago.
Oh, I'm sorry, were you talking to me? Because for the past nine hours in the car you were on the phone with Josh.
Oh, was it that much? - Mm-hm.
- I'm really sorry.
The only reason I kept calling him is because he was so mad at himself, for forgetting that I told him I was going away this weekend for your birthday.
But, doesn't matter anymore, because now I can devote every second of this vacation to you.
- So, go relax, I'll check us in.
- Fine.
I'm gonna go pee.
Hi.
I'm checking in for Gabi Diamond.
Ah, yes, you called yesterday.
Shh, shh! No, no, I confirmed yesterday, I called three months ago! No, you didn't.
I remember you begging and crying Okay, I'm sorry, does "Shh" mean something different in Spanish? Because in English, it means "Please help me, I forgot my best friend's birthday.
Okay, now here is my credit card, and, uh, if it gets declined, please don't cut it in half.
(CLEARS THROAT) (LINE TRILLING) (PHONE RINGING) Hi.
Hi.
I'm just calling to tell you that I can't call you anymore.
I have to make this weekend all about Sofia.
But she went to go pee, so I have a little extra time to tell you that I miss you, and I am so sorry one more time.
I miss you, too.
But it'll be fine.
Elliot and Yolanda just came over, and you know how they love taking care of me.
Love it.
But, uh, I'll just I'll see you when you get back.
Or not, not sure if you know, but they're shooting a laser into my eye! You're gonna be fine, you just need something to help calm you down.
Go look through Yolanda's purse.
(LAUGHS) You know, this is why I love you, because you always seem to make me feel better.
You know? Ohh.
I wish I was there, too.
But I have to be here, and I have to make this weekend all about Sofia.
Because if she ever forgot my birthday, I would think she was a total bitch.
SOFIA: You bitch! Gotta go.
I knew it.
I had a feeling you forgot in the apartment.
Who forgets their best friend's birthday? What? I said, if if you forgot my birthday, not that I forgot your birthday.
Oh, really? Okay, Marisol, when did she make this reservation? - Don't say anything, Marisol.
- Dime, Marisol.
Don't dime, Marisol, don't you dare dime.
You know what? You don't have to tell me when she made this reservation.
I know when you did it.
You did it last night.
Correcto.
Okay, look, I forgot.
- But it's only because I - You're selfish.
You only think about you and your boyfriend, and you didn't even wanna be here with me.
What? Where did you get that? I just heard you tell Josh.
Did you even pee? Look, I only said that to make him feel better because I forgot his eye surgery.
You know what made me feel better? The fact that you remembered my birthday, and that you planned this amazing trip, and that you finally wanted to spend some time with me, but it turns out you didn't.
Yes, I did! Is that why you were FaceTiming with Josh the entire ride over here? Gabi, like, you don't think that I wanna do that with my boyfriend? But I would never do that to you, and, also, oh yeah, I don't have a boyfriend.
Or a best friend.
It's my 25th birthday and I have no one.
Get up, get up! (KICKING COUCH) What? What? Where am I? You're in Mexico, in my lobby, where you slept the whole night because your best friend hates you.
Oh, yeah.
It's all coming back to me.
What am I gonna do? Well, this is just off the top of my head, but, why don't you make it up to her by giving her the perfect day! Wow! Scuba diving, ziplining, horseback riding, jet skiing, (GASPS) tequila tasting! - Mm-hm.
- Wow, this is perfect.
- Mm-hm.
- How much for everything? Well, it's hard to put a price on friendship, but $900.
I'm sleepin' on your frickin' lobby couch, you think I can afford that? Ugh! Now you're sad.
This moves me.
How about, you make it a day at the beach! Huh? With a nice handwoven blanket, some sombreros and sunglasses, and a nice bottle of tequila.
All for the low price of How much do you have in cash? - Twenty-two dollars.
- Twenty-two dollars! Juancarlo! Juancarlo, the señorita would like to buy some birthday presents for her friend.
So how about some blankets, right? Or maybe some, uh, sombreros? Or some nice sunglasses? Do you see anything your friend might like? That depends.
Do you have a girlfriend? - No.
- Then yes.
No, seriously, Elliot, it was so scary.
Okay, Josh.
They shot a laser in your eye.
Okay, let's take off your shoes.
Great.
Now your pants.
Elliot? They gave me Xanax, not a roofie.
If I need anything (RINGING BELL) I will my ring my bell.
Sounds perfect.
Mm.
Mm, mm, mm, mm.
Check out this get well pasta Gabi left for Josh.
You want cheese on the half I stole for you? Make it happen, bitch! (LAUGHING) You know what gets me? Uh Damn, this is good.
Josh can afford a three-million-dollar painting, but he can't afford to hire someone to take care of him for two frickin' days? What the hell does a This is good Three-million-dollar painting look like anyway? Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa! Josh said do not open that until he can see it! But I'm bored! Ooh! It's a nude! Ew, it's a she-nude! Well, you know what would make this three-million-dollar painting more interesting? A thousand-dollar bottle of champagne! Make it happen, bitch! See? This is why I'm gay.
I almost can't eat.
Almost.
- (CORK POPPING) - (GASPS) My pasta! The Brunell! How can we blame this on Gabi? Hey, Sofi Hey, wait a minute.
Why do you have your luggage? Because I'm checking out.
And going home.
And never believing anything you say ever again.
(BELL RINGS) Okay, come on, Sofia, it's your birthday weekend.
I mean, do you really wanna drive in a sweaty car, for nine hours when you could be spending a beautiful day at the beach, sipping tequila, and getting serenaded with a (LOUDER) "Happy Birthday Song"? I am not in the mood for tequila, or the beach, and I'm certainly not in the mood for a (STRUMMING GUITAR) Well, maybe one song.
Feliz cumpleaños a ti Feliz cumpleaños a ti Feliz cumpleaños querida Sofia Maria Consuela Rafaella Rodriguez Feliz cumpleaños a ti I am Juancarlo Rodriguez.
Please God, don't let us be related.
Beautiful and funny.
- (SOFIA LAUGHS) - And now I am angry.
I'm sorry.
I don't know what I did, but I'm sorry.
No, I'm angry that I have to go back to the beach to sell my souvenirs.
Can I buy you a drink later? Wait! Wait, wait, wait, no, no! I I will sell your souvenirs, because, I love you so much, Sofia, and I will do anything for you, including selling souvenirs.
Okay? So, I love you.
Happy Birthday, my still best friend, I hope.
And they say we take all their jobs.
Let us toast to your friend, who gave us this time together.
I actually will toast to her because I like her now.
I like her friend more.
I want to know everything about you.
Okay.
(QUICKLY) I was born in Fort Lauderdale 25 years and two days ago, my parents are Dominican, I have a business degree from the University of Florida, go Gators.
And I've never sat across from anyone so beautiful.
Oh, and my favorite food is cereal.
We have something in common.
You like cereal too? I too, have never sat across from anyone so beautiful.
(GIGGLING) Can I ask you something? Anything.
Did Gabi pay for you? Because I'm totally cool if she did, um, I just need to know.
No, I make my money selling things on the beach.
And I also perform from time to time.
Like right now.
(GIGGLING) Sofia bonita mi chica favorita When the moon lights her hair Los hombres will stare At the girl from Fort Lauderdale Sofia, Dominican queen, Florida Gator May I kiss you? - May I? - Oh, you're asking.
(LAUGHS) I thought it was part of the song.
Yes.
Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes.
I can't believe you got it all out! What did you use? Well, I started off with club soda.
Then I realized I needed somethin' stronger.
- What? - Vodka.
Well, that explains the olive.
Oh, damn.
You missed a spot.
Oh.
(ELLIOT GASPS) Got it.
JOSH: Hey, guys? Where's my bell? I thought it was on the table.
Good luck, bitch.
Josh! What are you doin' outta bed? Well, my vision's kinda comin' back, I mean, things are still a little blurry, but I can get around.
- Hmm.
- Oh! Did you guys set up my Brunell so it'd be the first thing I see? - Uh - You guys are the best! Uh, I thought you wanted your vision to be perfect before you saw this! Yeah, I di I did, but I can't wait! Oh my damn! Oh my damn! Oh my god! This is incredible! Oh my damn! Uh, Josh, you know what? You should go get some more rest.
Yeah, you know what? You're right.
- Wait! - What? See how the eyes seem to follow you across the room? That's how you know it's a Brunell.
Here.
It's on the house.
Congratulations.
For what? I think your friend forgives you.
I walked by her room, and I heard her forgiving you multiple times.
Oh thank you, God.
Yeah, like that, but louder.
Say it again.
Say it again! - Florida Gators.
- Ahh.
(LAUGHS) Juancarlo, thank you for making this the best birthday I've ever had.
And ever will have.
I have a gift for you.
I made it while you slept.
If you put it to your ear, you can hear me whisper, "Te quiero, mi amor.
" I hear it.
(SLURPING NOISE) Gabi I love you.
And a little bit I hate you.
Wait a minute, after this, you're still mad at me for forgetting your birthday? No, I'm mad at you for giving me a gift I have to return.
Oh! I forgot my cell phone in my room.
I need it so I can FaceTime you when I'm home! I finally have someone to FaceTime! Ah! Juancarlo.
You totally saved the día.
And you are gonna be so happy with me because I sold everything! Well, except for this puppet.
No one ever buys the puppet! Wow! You're amazing! Gabi, thank you so much.
You introduced me to the most incredible woman I have ever met.
And now, with this money, I can afford to buy a data plan to FaceTime with Sofia for a whole month.
Wait, why why only a month? Judging by what I just saw, she's gonna want a lot more time than that.
Maybe I can stretch it out for two months if I can sell that damn puppet.
Gabi, what does it mean when Sofia says I am her Josh? Oh oh my god.
This is so sad.
Sofia's gonna miss you so much.
I mean, I wish we could just pack you up in our car and take you with us.
You're so lucky that you get to see your boyfriend soon.
When we cross this border in 300 feet, I will never see Juancarlo again.
Hm.
You don't know that.
Oh, come on, Gabi, you know how it goes.
You meet someone on vacation, you have a fling, he gives you flowers, a necklace, the best orgasm you've ever had, and then you go home and never see each other again.
Hm.
Maybe you will.
Why do you keep talking like that? Like what? Forget it.
Well, it's almost our turn.
Adios, Juancarlo.
Yes.
Adios, Juancarlo.
Hm.
You know, I don't remember all these border patrol guys with, like, guns and angry dogs and stuff when we came in.
- What's all that about? - (SCOFFS) Well, it's a lot easier to get into Mexico than to get out.
That's why the line's so long.
They check every car.
They do? Yeah.
Relax, Gabi, we have nothing to hide.
Unless you're smuggling something.
(LAUGHS) I don't know how I did it, but I did it.
He won't notice a thing.
Behold, my masterpiece.
What the hell is that? What? Sure, I didn't nail the eyebrows, but doesn't it look like the original? Oh, we're screwed! And I just leased a new Buick! JOSH: Hey, guys! Guess who has twenty-twenty vision again? Quick! Plan B! And I cannot wait to see my Brunell Oh! Oh, no! Your mint condition painting! Oh, honey! You slipped and fell.
Maybe you're you're still a little disoriented.
Oh, man.
I feel so stupid.
Well I guess we need to call the insurance company.
It's insured? Yeah.
Remember when I bought it, I asked you to get it insured? Uh-huh.
Uh-huh.
Ahh! Time to drown my sorrows.
Yolanda, will you get me that thousand-dollar bottle of champagne out of the fridge? Uh-huh.
Uh-huh.
Wahh! Well, at least I have the pasta Gabi made for me.